Better Angels
by Seratar
Summary: As a child Shinji Akari is visited by a friend who gives him a tool which will give him the power to save himself and the world: Hope
1. Pain

Better Angels

Chapter 1

Pain

_Come to me, I have a use for you._

Shinji Ikari grimaced and carefully folded the note which he had received 24 hours ago, replacing it in his breast pocket, sitting back and patting it.

"That's all you have to say to me after 13 years?" He whispered, looking up at the ceiling of the repurposed commuter train.

"This is the last stop, all passengers will kindly disembark, thank you." The recorded voice of the announcer came over the intercom.

Shinji narrowed his eyes, gazing through the sweltering heat of the post second impact world, the hue of the setting sun turning his new home into a canvas of orange and black. He drew another message from his pocket, this one a little more… revealing.

_Hey there Shinji-Kun, I'll be there to pick you up when you arrive, here's a little something to keep you occupied on the ride here!_

_-Captain Misato Katsuragi_

_She always was quite a tease._

"Nii-san!" Shinji yelped.

_Yes Shinji, I told you that I would be with you. At least for the first part of this mess. Do you remember everything I told you?_

"_Yes, nii-san, I remember, she's going to be late, and-" _Shinji's thought was cut off by the roar of VTOL engines.

A V-formation of the aircraft swooped overhead, less than 20 meters above the ground. Shinji's eyes followed the majestic craft as they tore past, arcing towards a figure in the distance, a small mountain which was… moving. Shinji's eyes were riveted as the machines unleashed a torrent of gunfire, then a barrage of missiles.

_It won't be enough._

The voice in Shinji's head was right, although explosions briefly obscured his view of the angel, it reappeared as the smoke cleared, still lumbering slowly towards the city. Before the aircraft could make a second pass, a blast of energy lanced out from the creature's upraised hand, disintegrating the hull of the leader, leaving its left engine to careen to the side, colliding with one of his wingmates, bringing the other craft down hard in the distance.

_It never works._

"_Then why send them?" _He thought back.

_Some of it is to buy you time. Mostly, its so that the JSSDF can claim some credit when the Eva units eventually win the fight._

"But why would they do that, people are dying!" He yelled.

_Very little in the world is done without pride on the line Shinji. I suggest you spend some time with the pilots, they can explain why they do what they do better than I can._

Shinji was unsatisfied, but he had learned long ago that he could trust his nii-san. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was not healthy to hear voices, but without his nii-san…

_You're not crazy Shinji. I've told you what I can, and I hope I have earned your trust enough that you can believe me when I say that what I don't say is only for you good._

"I do trust you nii-san," Shinji replied, "I just… Why did it have to be this way?"

He heard a noise not unlike a sigh in the back of his head.

_If I could spare you the pain I would Shinji, if I could trade places with you, I would do so in a heartbeat. There's so little I can do, but you, you can do so much. _

Shinji felt warmth around himself and let his fear and pain fade away. He would have been content to bask in that warmth and fall asleep, as he had as a child, but the squeal of approaching tires broke him from his reverie, and the feeling withdrew itself.

_She's here_

The blue sports car executed a sliding stop, pausing 30 centimeters from Shinji, the passenger window already rolled down, a violet haired beauty leaning over the side giving him another one of those views. Unlike in the picture, she wasn't trying to let him look, but she definitely was not dressed to repel the opposite sex.

"Get in!" Yelled Misato Katsuragi.

In another world, and another time, he would have hesitated. Instead, he threw himself into the passenger seat, tossing his bag into the rear, barely having time to slam his door shut before his future commander peeled out.

"Captain Katsuragi at your service!" She proclaimed, sliding through an intersection as Shinji furiously tried to slam his seatbelt home, "Sorry I'm late, as you can tell, things are a little crazy around here!"

"Katsuragi-san?" Shinji asked.

"Shinji-kun?" She replied.

He held up the picture, raising in eyebrow, "Do you always send such lewd pictures to young men?"

Misato almost missed her next turn, and actually jumped the curb in order to get back on track. The voice in Shinji's head laughed, taking pleasure in seeing the woman poleaxed by the comment. She even slowed down to a sedate (for Misato Katsuragi) pace as her mind tried to shift back into gear.

"_His psych profile lied"_ She thought, _"This kid is supposed to be an introvert."_

"I ah, wanted to make you feel like you would be welcome." She said, then murmured, "I usually get better responses to those pictures"

"Pictures?" Shinji asked?

Misato's cheeks turned bright red, "Look, if you don't like it, then you don't have to keep it."

Shinji almost dropped it on the floor, but when he looked over at the captain she had a somber gaze fixed on the road ahead, a gaze which he recognized. She looked, lonely.

"It's ah, not unpleasant," Shinji blushed, putting the picture in his backpack, "I'll keep it for now Katsuragi-san. Just remember that I'm only 16."

She smiled, "You could have fooled me."

_Out your window, see the VTOLs? N2 mine, find cover._

Shinji's eyes widened, "Katsuragi-san! N2 mine!"

The screech of brakes sounded as she slid the car into the shadow of a nearby building, then reached a hand over, pushing her young charge down.

"Down!" She yelled.

The world went white, and a powerful rumble sent the car skittering into the highway barrier on the opposite side of them. Concussion bounced around and through the car, making Shinji's ears ring and making his stomach roil with nausea. Surprisingly, it was Misato who threw up, albeit out the window rather than on her upholstery.

"I am going to kill whoever authorized that strike!" She growled, wiping her mouth with her sleeve, "Hold on Shinji-kun, we're almost there."

Shinji closed his eyes and stayed quiet, and Misato left him alone for the rest of the drive. When the lift started down, the voice came back.

_You should really see this Shinji, it is quite breathtaking._

Shinji opened his eyes, ignoring the fact that Misato was weighing him with her eyes and looked out the window. The Geofront opened out before him, the green grass and sparkling blue lake of a world long forgotten sprawling across that landscape. Shinji couldn't help but gasp and the beauty of it. The world above had a hot season, and a hotter season. Down here, the ambient temperature was mild.

"How?" was all he could ask.

"Unlimited funding and god-like technology." Misato replied, "turns out that several billion yen can net you a lot of quality real estate, even underground."

"B-billion?" Shinji stuttered.

"It might be in the trillions now," Misato shrugged, "Not my department."

"What is your department Katsuragi-san?"

"If you're going to call me out my for lewdness you should just call me Misato." She replied, "and as for what I do. Well, right now my most important job is getting you to where you need to be?"

"What am I supposed to do when I get there?" He asked, knowing full well, "The city is under attack by that… thing."

"Angel."

"Angel." He replied, rolling the familiar name around his tongue, "What am I supposed to do while that thing is out there destroying the city Misato-san?"

"So formal?" Misato raised an eyebrow, "Very well, then I'll just let the good doctor explain it."

_Ritsuko Akagi, be nice. She's just a little bit eccentric and is in bed with your father in more ways than one. She'll do her best by you if you let her, and if you can win her loyalty, she might even help you save the world._

"Okay." He murmured in response to both.

The vehicle lift soon stopped, and Misato rushed him past a pair of guards, neither of whom saluted, and on to another elevator, where they piled in. Misato pressed a button and leaned against the wall, frankly appraising Shinji again.

He shuffled uncomfortably, bringing a smile to her face.

"Isn't it rude to stare so openly?" He asked, trying to fight down his discomfort.

She snorted, "So you're telling me you haven't spent _any_ time with that picture I sent you?"

His face darkened, "N-not _that_ way, I would never."

"Never?" She asked, "You sure know how to make a girl feel good Shinji-kun"

Anger flared in his heart, "It wouldn't be right!"

She regarded him for another second, then smiled, "You believe that."

He looked at her earnestly, "With all my heart."

"_This kid…"_ She thought, her stomach fluttering slightly.

She pushed herself off the wall and touched his shoulder lightly, "Things are about to get weird. No matter what happens, I'll be in your corner."

Shinji's cheeks darkened further at the contact, "Th-thank you Misato-san."

She tapped his forehead, "And stop called me -san, it makes me feel old."

_I would keep the -san for a while longer._

Shinji agreed wholeheartedly.

The elevator door opened, revealing a cavernous space, poorly lit, and descending far into the darkness below. Nii-san had told Shinji that there would be theatrics, but his stomach still did a somersault when he stepped onto the gantry with Misato. Ritsuko Akagi stepped into his view from beside the elevator where she had been waiting, holding her ever-present clipboard in hand, but focusing her eyes on him.

"Shinji Akari." She greeted him.

He bowed, "Yes ma'm."

She looked him over, "Taller than I would have thought, looks like you won't be able to use a suit today."

"A what?" He asked.

She ignored him, turning away and motioning for him to follow. Misato gave him a reassuring nod, but headed the other way. Pausing momentarily, Shinji felt nervous for the first time since receiving his father's letter. Could he do this, could he pilot, that thing?

_It's a her, and you can. I'll be right beside you Shinji._

Shinji almost jumped at the intrusion, still staring after doctor Akagi, "What is it you want me to do?"

The lights on the catwalk above flashed on, and a man with dark hair, glasses and white gloves stood above. The light shone down, illuminating the armored head of Evangelion Unit-01, its eyes dark for now.

"I want you to pilot Eva." His father rumbled.

Ritsuko Akagi turned back to him and beckoned him forward. Shinji didn't moved, transfixed by the sight of the creature, no, the monster that stood before him.

_Don't think about her like that! Accept her for what she is, and know that she will protect you_

Shinji paused, then moved forward, leaning out across the darkness and touching the purple armor of Unit-01's helmet. The ghost of something passed through that connection, and he felt a shudder within himself.

"_Ok,"_ He replied, _"I'll treat her like family, but only for you nii-san."_

Warmth flooded his body and he stood there, before being suddenly jarred back to the present by the sound of clattering wheels over metal. He looked towards the other side of the gantry and his mouth fell open.

_Rei-chan…_

The bluenette in the hospital bed was awash in pain, even her empty eyes could not hide that fact. His father said something, but he barely registered the man's voice.

"I will do it." She whispered, trying to prop herself up on her unbroken arm.

Shinji took a step towards her, and the cavern rumbled. Debris hurtled from the ceiling above, and Shinji's instincts kicked in. Ignoring the falling rubble, Shinji took two bounding steps forward, and with a murmured apology, swept the bluenette off of her gurney, throwing them both forward. The rubble smashed through the gantry, taking the bed and one of the nurses with it where a short moment ago Rei had laid.

He heard a weak sob and looked down. Rei had her eyes closed and teeth clenched while tears leaked down her face.

"Get me to the plug." She wept, her empty voice layered by pain, "I will not disappoint Ikari-sama."

"No Rei-chan, I will do it." Rage boiled in his voice as he turned his head up towards his father, tears and fury mixing in his eyes, "I'll pilot it you bastard!"

Gendo Ikari was taken aback for a moment, but then simply nodded, walking away.

_Help her._

"_I can't."_ Shinji replied.

_Then let me help her._

"_How?"_

_Surrender. Trust your nii-san._

Confused, but willing, Shinji let the warmth of his nii-san envelope him. He looked down into Rei's eyes, and then felt something reach beyond himself. It brushed against the bluenette, and agony rolled across his own body.

Memories of canes, hoses, fists and a variety of household objects flashed through the young man's mind, and he bit down on his cheek to keep from crying out. Crying out was either grounds for more, or encouragement, depending on the mood of his sensei. The steel inside of Shinji Akari bent, but against all odds, he did not break.

The pain faded as rapidly as it had come, and he looked down into the shocked red eyes of the girl in his arms. Her mouth tried to shape words, but he shook his head, quickly rising to his feet and passing the girl off to one of her medical staff. Shinji stumbled and was caught by the blonde doctor.

"Let's get you inside." She said briskly.

"Yes Akagi-san" He replied breathlessly.

"_What did you do?"_ He demanded.

_The same that I once did for you when the pain pushed you past breaking. I took some of hers, and you felt it pass through you for a moment._

Nii-san's voice was strained.

"_You healed her?"_

_Hah, not likely. It's more like what you're about to undergo. It's a type of connection which you will be able to do after syncing with Eva for long enough._

"_You never told me-"_

_I have not told you many things nii-san. My time with you has always been limited, and I have shared what I could with you when I could. I was there when you needed me most, and right now I need you to trust me. Will you trust your nii-san Shinji?_

Shinji balked, the voice had never spoken this much while he was awake_ "What is going on?"_

_They are shifting the paradigm. All is not as it once was, and I have not much longer before all is lost. You must trust me Shinji. I will do what I can from here, although it is little. I have sheltered you in the past, and the future must now rest on your shoulders. I'm sorry Shinji, but there is no one else._

Tears filled his eyes, _"Are you leaving me nii-san?!"_

_I… don't know._

That frightened Shinji more than anything. He did not remember being settled into the entry plug, but the rising LCL brought him out of his fugue state.

"What?!" yelled, trying to keep his head above the liquid.

"Relax Shinji," Came the voice of Ritsuko Akagi, "This is LCL, it will oxygenate your lungs and blood better than air ever could. Just breathe. Oh, and don't mind the taste."

"_It tastes like blood,"_ he thought, _"I remember it well."_

Despite the reassurances of the staff, Shinji held his breath until he passed out. He woke quickly enough when his body took the first involuntary breath of the stuff, and it filled his lungs. His stomach rebelled and his brain tried to cough. A minute later, after realizing he wasn't dying, his body stopped fighting.

"It looks like Ritsuko owes me 1000 yen." Misato's voice chirped over the unseen communicator, "I bet you would have the self-control to pass out before inhaling."

"_These women are twisted."_ He thought.

_If only you knew the half of it_

Shinji shuddered.

"Locking in A-10" An unfamiliar voice called, "Just try to relax Shinji-san."

_She's right, practice the meditation I taught you. Empty your mind and reach out. Your opening mindset is almost as important as the rest of the time put together. Reach out, and when she reaches back, let her in. I know it's all very confusing. Surrender for a moment, and she will serve you._

Shinji closed his eyes and emptied his mind, picturing an empty void inside of himself. He saw lights glitter across his cockpit through his eyelids, and then there was someone else inside the darkness with him. Instinctively he pushed back, afraid, and it hesitated.

_Let her in._

"_I trust nii-san."_ He told himself, then reached out to the presence.

The experience was not quite erotic, but having never felt physical affection, it might as well have been for the young pilot. Waves of _her_ swept across his skin, and her essence twined with his, two souls meeting in a place where they could become one. He felt titanic muscles, stiff from sitting too long, try to stretch, but were held back to the miniscule tools of his captors. His eyes opened, and a world of colors beyond description flowed through them into his expanded mind.

"Synch ratio is spiking!" A small voice called, "80, no 95, wait! It's at 120%, that's not even possible!"

"Shinji, can you hear me?" Called a vaguely familiar voice, "Shinji!"

"Cut the link!" Someone else yelled.

"I already did, the A-10 is completely offline!"

"_Shinji?"_ a voice asked.

That voice slammed him back into his body. Disoriented, he emptied the contents of his stomach, fortunately it was just LCL, albeit slightly digested, into the liquid around him. He felt a great sense of loss, but also an overwhelming sense of fear. He had almost lost himself to this… creature.

As he thought it, the presence in his mind withdrew, but not completely.

"Synch ratio is stabilizing at 67%" Someone on the intercom noted.

"Shinji, are you there?" Misato asked.

Shinji looked around confused, then replied, "Yes Misato-san."

"Thank the spirits!" She exclaimed, "What happened?"

"I… don't know." He replied honestly.

_You certainly know how to jump in with both feet. But this might also be somewhat my fault. I apologize Shinji, I will try to be more careful with you in the future._

Shinji shuddered again.

"Begin launch sequence!" Misato ordered, "Shinji, we're sending you up. We don't have much time, but we'll try to walk you through this."

Before he could reply, Shinji felt a massive force press down on him, his vision tunneling momentarily as the blood in his brain was forced down into his chest. The encroaching darkness dissolved into stars and the head of his unit snapped back, the ascent over.

"Releasing clamps!" One of the technicians called.

"Wait." Shinji groaned.

Instead of waiting, the clamps released him suddenly, and he stumbled forward onto one knee.

"Shinji, I need you to get up." Came the voice of Misato, "It's coming."

Shinji tried to shake away the abuse his body had received in the past five minutes, but he was feeling sluggish.

_UP!_

Confusion was swept away by a bolt of urgency in his nii-san's voice, and Shinji's eyes focused. The angel was bearing down on him, fast.

_Draw your weapon_

"Misato!" He yelled, "I need something to fight with!"

"Deploying prog knife." A technician called through the channel.

Shinji had enough time to tear the weapon free of its sheathe, but as he pulled himself up, a titanic fist slammed into his jaw, sending a bolt of pain through the nerve connections and sending his unit flying backwards. Feedback pain lanced across his body as buildings tore across his back, and Shinji screamed. Coming to a stop, he lay panting.

_Roll!_

A darker shadow descended on where Shinji lay, and he rolled to the left, crushing more infrastructure beneath his Eva as the angel drove a lance of purple energy where his head had been. Shinji struggled to his feet, punch drunk and confused.

_Blade up, aim for the red orb. Always the orb, never let it survive._

The Angel charged again, and Shinji finally pulled himself together. Lunging forward, he went for the heart of the creature. Unfortunately, it batted aside his attack, latching onto his skull with its free arm, raising him up into the air. Shinji kicked ineffectually, the lack of leverage showing as it simply ignored his strikes. Shinji had a moment to wonder why the world had gone purple before excruciating pain punched straight through his left eye and out the back of his skull.

"Cut nerve connections!" Someone in the background screamed.

Somebody else was screaming too, and Shinji realized it was himself after a second strike of the Angel's energy blade punched an imaginary cavity in his skull again.

"It's not responding!"

Again.

"Scramble fighters, get him out of there!"

Again.

When would the pain end?

Again.

_NO!_

Shinji drew in a breath of LCL as the pain was swept away by a glowing warmth centered deep within his bones.

_The knife Shinji, use the Kni-_

The screaming started again, but this time it was inside his head, and although spiderwebs crept across the cockpit, and the lance struck again, Shinji felt no pain. A second blow, and the scream went utterly, desperately quiet.

The silence pushed him forward. He grabbed the Angel's arm with his left, then lashed out with the blade in his right hand. The short sensation of falling to a crouch confirmed the complete severing of the Angel's arm. He tossed the bloody stump aside, took his weapon in both hands and drove forward.

Crystalline matter fractured as the blade punch through it. A twist of the wrist sending splashes of red liquid squirting out. The Angel roared and leaped onto him, beginning to glow with a bright light.

_Pull in your… AT field Shinji_

When it was drawn to his attention, Shinji felt it, a cloak of light and something beyond light expanded out from him. He pulled it close.

The world dissolved into light and fire.

XXXXXX

Shinji walked down the path, hands flowing softly over the heads of grain which lay heavy on their stalks. The pagoda ahead was white trimmed with red, a single figure in a rocking chair turned away from him, looking out at the mountain range which rose above the fields.

"Hello nii-san," He spoke, stepping onto the sturdy planks of the raised platform.

"Shinji…" The figure breathed, "I am glad you have come."

Curious, Shinji moved around to face the figure, then stumbled back, falling to the floor. The old man in the chair had a cavernous hole where the left side of his face should have been.

"Wh- " Shinji began.

A sharp gesture cut him off, "I have… very little time left."

"Does it hurt?" Shinji asked, reaching out.

The man caught his hand, taking it gently and smiling, his wound making the gesture less comforting than it usually was.

"Yes Shinji, but I have grown used to pain. I wanted to talk to you before I had to leave, so I held on until you woke." The man said.

The vista before them dissolved, the combination of dilapidated and new structures that made up Tokyo 3 replacing the fields.

"Tokyo 3," He said wistfully, "The people here are in so much pain Shinji. They carry it on their backs like a bag of bricks, picking up new ones along the way and never setting any of them down. They've become inured to it, and it has warped everything that they are."

"I know I have asked a lot of you in the years we have known each other, but you have always risen to the occasion. When I found you, you were broken, but you've become so much more than that."

Shinji looked up at the man who called himself brother, "I'm still broken nii-san. If I had been able to fight, then this wouldn't have happened!"

The man smiled gently again, "Don't blame yourself for this Shinji, it was always my choice, the same as when I came to you as a child. Never regret the choices that were never yours to make."

"I just wanted to protect everyone, even you nii-san." He whispered, putting his head in his hands.

A moment of silence was followed by an embrace, "Oh Shinji, you'll never be able to protect everyone, especially those who put themselves between you and danger. What matters most is what you do to heal them after they have given their all for you."

Shinji wiped his eyes, "But you're dying!"

The man nodded, pulling himself back into his chair, "Yes Shinji, but that too was my choice. My life for yours. I saw a brief glimpse, a crossroads where I could have saved myself and left you to your fate. I chose the better path. I chose you."

He settled back, "I will always be with you Shinji. I ask that you now go and do for others what I have done for you. Give them back their hope Shinji."

"What about the Angels?" Shinji asked.

The old man shrugged, "They are different from what I remember. They have shifted the paradigm, and you will have to shift to face it. Trust in our training and keep learning. You will need to give it your all if you hope to win."

His face grew somber, "I know it seems like fighting is the only important thing, but if the broken people of Tokyo 3 and NERV cannot be reforged, they will fail."

"I can't" Shinji wept.

"Yes you can Shinji." The man replied, "I have loved you, and I know you have felt the same for me. Share that infinite capacity with others. It will be hard, as hard as killing monsters, but it will save them. It will save you."

The man closed his remaining eye, rocking himself backwards, "I love you Shinji, always remember that. It is my last, and greatest gift."

And he was gone.

Shinji wept.


	2. Broken Things

Better Angels

Chapter 2

Broken Things

The old man in the rocking chair held an elegant vase when Shinji appeared in the dream field.

"This is very precious to me Shinji-san," he said, "catch."

The 8 year old Shinji yelped and reached out as the porcelain sailed through the air. Despite his best efforts, the vase crashed to the ground, becoming dozens of beautiful shards. He immediately bowed himself low, cutting himself on shards.

"I-I apologize!" He stuttered, "this is all my fault, please punish me for failing you."

The old man looked grim, "I am sorry too Shinji."

He knelt down scooping up the kneeling child and carrying him to the rocking chair. He sat and began the rhythmic motion, slowly urging the boy to look at the broken vessel.

"It's broken," He said, "Maybe we should try to fix it?"

Shinji brightened, "Yes!"

The little boy clambered down and began to organize the pieces, the old man watching.

XXXXXX

"_An unknown ceiling"_ Shinji thought.

The cool feeling of conditioned air and smell of antiseptic let Shinji know he was in a hospital, despite having only been to one once in his life after…

Shinji pushed the thought aside, and the last 24 hours came tumbling back into his mind.

"Nii-san?" He ventured.

Silence.

For the first time in 11 years, Shinji was alone. Again.

He felt his heart seizing up, and he clenched his fist as water filled his eyes, then spilled out across his pillow. Sobs wracked his body, and he quivered with the phantom pain of the previous battle.

"WHY!" He screamed.

And silence answered.

Minutes passed, or perhaps hours, and Shinji stared at the ceiling, wallowing in his pain and loss.

"I feel so broken." He whispered.

_The truth about broken things, is that they cannot always be fixed._

Shinji jumped, the IV lead in his arm pulling free. He hissed in pain, clamping down on the small wound as he looked around.

"_Nii-san"_ He cried desperately.

Nothing.

Shinji dropped back into the bed, and let memories wash over him.

XXXXXX

"It just won't go back together," Shinji whined, "I've tried and tried, but it either falls apart, or looks ugly!"

The old man nodded sagely, "Perhaps it cannot be fixed?"

Shinji glowered down at the remnants of the vase, "Then how will you get your precious object back?"

The old man reached down and broke one of the larger pieces further, then began laying them out together. After minutes of work, Shinji saw that he wasn't reassembling the vase, but was instead turning it into a mural. Without further comment, the boy joined the man. They worked for hours, assembling the shards of porcelain into a picture.

The old man clapped his hands together, and the mural twisted slightly, then fused together.

"Perfect!" He proclaimed, picking up the whole and hanging it on one of the supports of the pagoda, "Now I will have something to remind me of you when you are not here Shinji."

"But you never got your vase back?"

The old man shrugged, "That which is broken should not always be fixed. Broken ground makes way for grain, and broken grains become food. Just because something is broken, that does not mean it cannot become something more, something better than it was before. All it needs is the right touch."

The man wrapped Shinji in a warm embrace, "People are the same Shinji. We cannot be what we were before, but we can push forward and become something different. In many ways, we can become something better."

XXXXXX

"Ikari-kun?" A hesitant voice asked.

Shinji sat up, his ruminations disturbed by the voice.

"Y-yes?" He asked, quickly grabbing the sheet of his bed and pulling it up to cover his bare chest.

A nurse entered the room, tutting slightly at the IV line which was spilling its contents on the floor after being pulled out. She quickly clamped the line and turned to Shinji, touching his forehead and taking one wrist to feel his pulse.

"You should have used the call button Shinji-kun," She remonstrated, "I would have removed the IV if it was bothering you."

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, "miss…"

She smiled prettily, "Just Tamako to you Shinji-kun. They don't tell me everything, but I know there are only two people who ever show up in this ward."

"Two?" He asked.

Her smile fell away, her eyes becoming sad, "Rei-chan is just down the hall. Nobody comes to visit her, so I try to check her more often than usual. Not that she responds, but I think she might appreciate it. I know the commander doesn't."

"Commander?" He asked warily, "Commander Ikari?"

"His specific orders are for minimal interaction," She winked at him, "I hope that we can make this our little secret though, ok?"

Shinji nodded soberly, "It's not like he talks to me anyway, but if he did, your secret would be safe with me."

Instead of responding, Tamako checked a bag at his side and the line that led to it, which led to…

Shinji suddenly became aware of a mass in a certain portion of his body, which really should not have masses going into it. Before he could jump up, Tamako took his arm firmly and held his gaze with her own.

"Don't do that Shinji-kun," She soothed, "I know that it isn't comfortable, but if you try to pull it out on your own it will be much worse. Just try to relax."

She moved to lift up the bedsheet, and Shinji slapped it back down. Realizing his mistake, he waited for reproof from the young nurse, but she simply took a step back and waited until the redness in his face began to subside.

"I'm sorry, I just…" Shinji began.

She smiled, "Would it help if I told you that I was the one who put it in?"

Shinji's face began to resemble the color of a radish, "No!"

She laughed, and that laugh wasn't filled with meanness, but a combination of compassion and understanding.

"I could always leave it in…" She offered.

Shinji thought of carrying the bag around with him, then at the thought of having her see things again.

"I…" He blushed more furiously.

Her hands went around the back of her neck, working on something, "Would you prefer if I undressed? Fair is fair, and I don't want you to feel like I have an advantage."

"N-no!" Shinji yelled again, aghast at the forward manner of the woman.

"If you don't trust me I can get someone else to do it." She offered.

"I do trust you!" he protested, although his own heart felt the lie, "It's just…"

"Shinji-kun, I have seen a lot of naked people, and I have started and removed more catheters than you have lived in years." She explained calmly, "You and Rei-chan do things for us that no one else can do. Please let me do my job and take care of you."

"Will you take me to see her, after you… You know?" He asked.

"Of course!" She grinned, "Although I imagine you will want your clothes before you do any marching."

With that agreement, Shinji laid back and practiced his meditations. In a few moments, and a distinctly unpleasant sensation later, he was holding a packet containing some surgical scrubs and a pair of shoes made of some kind of rubber.

"Sorry it's not the latest fashion." She remarked, "But I know for a fact that they are comfy, like wearing nothing at all!"

Shinji blushed again, it was remarkable how this woman was able to hit all of his buttons at once. Tamako just smiled mischievously at his discomfort before stepping outside so that he could dress by himself. A slight moment of dizziness and some quick movements left him draped in green fabric, and he moved unsteadily to the door.

True to her word, Tamako was waiting outside, and she took his arm with a professional air and led him three doors down the hall to room 406, where she knocked gently. After several moments of no response, she peeked through the door, then motioned him inside.

Rei was laying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, "I am not due for a checkup for another 15 minutes."

"I brought you a visitor!" Tamako replied, her voice sounding about 5 times more bubbly than when she had addressed Shinji.

Rei's eyes diverted from the ceiling to glance at them, looked back up on instinct before her entire body tensed. Ever so slowly, those red orbs swung back towards them, her neck even moving this time. When she locked gazes with Shinji, he felt something press against his awareness. She held his gaze, the feeling neither fading nor growing as she locked him in place with her stare.

"Would you like us to leave Rei-chan?" Tamako asked.

Ice melted around Shinji's body as Rei's gaze slid over to the nurse, and he found himself drawing in the first lungful of air for what felt like an eternity. The pressing sensation faded, and he felt his entire body shiver at the withdrawal.

"Why are you here?" She asked coldly, "As I said, I am not due for a checkup yet."

Tamako's smile grew a little more fixed, "Shinji-kun wanted to see you Rei-chan. I hope you are not against meeting your fellow pilot?"

Rei regarded the woman for a long moment, then nodded, "His presence is acceptable."

Tamako threw Shinji a triumphant smile, "I'll leave you to it then. Please come by the desk and let me know when you are ready for me to contact Captain Katsuragi about your wakefulness Shinji-kun, I don't want her to interrupt your conversation."

Turning to leave, Tamako paused for a moment before reaching into her uniform and drawing out a sealed cup of rice pudding and a spoon, proffering them to Shinji.

"This is just for you," She ordered, "No matter how Rei-chan begs, she can't eat for another four hours."

"I do not beg." Rei noted.

Tamako took a stutter step, surprised that the bluenette had responded, then proceeded out of the room, humming merrily to herself. Shinji sat down in the padded metal chair next to Rei's bed and set the snack on the ground.

"You should eat," Rei said, "You will need sustenance after successfully piloting unit-01."

"I don't want to eat it in front of you Ayanami-san," He replied, "It wouldn't be fair."

"Why?" She replied evenly.

"You're hurt, and you can't eat," Shinji tried to explain, "It would be rude."

Rei's eyes slid over to him again, but the pressing sensation failed to reappear. She again locked gazes with him.

"I do not find it rude that you need sustenance," She said, "I was granted access to footage of your battle during the night. Eat."

Shinji instinctively obeyed, and before he knew it he was wolfing down the confection. Little more than a minute later he set down the snack and felt his stomach grumble in dissatisfaction at the small portion. Shinji set the empty container down, then blushed as he realized that Rei had been watching him the whole time, her eyes never deviating from his face. Not knowing what to do, he looked back.

They sat like that for a time, Rei never taking her indifferent gaze from him, the cogs of her mind turning. For his part, Shinji dropped his eyes multiple times, looking around the room at intervals, and growing exceedingly uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry that you got hurt." He ventured.

"Why?" Rei asked

"I… I just am." He replied, trying to fill the silence that the girl seemed to exude.

"How did you do it?" She asked.

"Do what?" He asked, "Fight the Angel?"

Rei shook her head marginally, "When we touched, for a moment the pain was gone. It was… not unpleasant."

"I'm not sure." Shinji ventured, "I've been told that it has something to do with piloting Eva."

Rei's eyes sharpened, "Who told you this."

"Someone I trust." He responded guardedly.

"Will you touch me again?" She asked.

Shinji's cheeks flushed as he stuttered, "W-what?"

Rei flinched as he drew her arm, the injured one due to its proximity, out from under the covers and reached that appendage towards him, shaking as she grit her teeth. Shinji quickly took the hand and placed it back on the bed, but when he tried to withdraw it, Rei's hand clamped down on his like a vice.

"It hurts Ikari-san." She said quietly.

Shinji looked into her eyes and realized that indifference was a mask that hid waves of pain. He glanced at the fluid bag by her side, seeing that it contained only salt and water. He returned his gaze to hers and felt something an emotion which he only recognized as once having come from his nii-san. Compassion.

Shinji closed his eyes, _"Nii-san, if there is anything left of you, please help me. Help me help her."_

In a moment, knowledge filled his mind. Shinji let his mind sink into the meditation state of emptiness, the darkness gathering around him and buoying him up on a sea of solitude. In that emptiness, he felt something new. A presence, smaller than the one inside the Eva, but still there. He reached out gingerly and ran into a solid wall.

"Ayanami-san," He heard himself say, "Try to relax."

"I must be strong Ikari-san." She replied.

Shinji opened his eyes and leaned forward, the knowledge still floating through his mind as he let whatever force drove him to decide his actions. In the moment where his lips touched Rei's forehead, he felt a pulse of surprise, and the barrier between himself and the presence flickered. He dove into the gap, and pain roared through his body.

_He was on the ground, curling into a ball, but the heavy boots found every soft place which he couldn't protect._

"_How dare you talk back to me!" The figure roared, "Apologize!"_

"_I'm sorry!" Shinji cried, tears leaking down his face as more blows rained down on him, "Please."_

"_Bow!"_

_Shinji pulled himself into a kneeling position, his face pressed against the rough grain of the unfinished wooden floor, tears and mucus bubbling out of his nose and mouth with each breath._

"_I apologize sensei, please forgive me." He wept._

_Two more solid kicks, calculated to cause pain but not break anything, and the thump of feet walking away. Shinji raised his head up._

"_Did I say you could get up!" The figure roared, the stomping of boots quickly closing in on him again._

Shinji gasped a breath as Rei forcefully tore has hand from hers. The bluenette was looking down at him, heedless of the fact that half of her chest was showing. A dull pain on his cheek let him know that she had slapped him at some point during the ordeal. He also noticed that she was sitting atop him, having fallen out of bed when he collapsed from his chair.

"I-I'm sorry" Shinji stuttered, wanting to dump the bluenette off of him, but fearing what that would do to her injuries, the cast on her left leg denoting some kind of break.

"I require assistance getting back into bed Ikari-san." She whispered.

Shinji quickly complied, almost wishing he were handling a viper rather than the very shapely and very naked body of a young woman his own age. In a matter of moments she was once again laying in bed, draped in the bedsheet, and staring at him.

"I apologize for striking you Ikari-san" She deadpanned, "It was my first reaction to your… episode."

Shinji felt his cheek, then shrugged, "I'm sorry for dragging you off the bed."

Rei shook her head, "I threw myself at you, when you collapsed I thought you were in trouble."

"Why?" Shinji asked, "You're hurt Rei, you could have just waited for me to get over it."

Rei paused, "I am… uncertain. I will have to think more upon it."

Shinji unceremoniously shoved the last of those old memories back inside their locked box _"focus on her, it will help. I think."_

He wondered where that thought had come from, but decided to follow its advice.

"How are you feeling." He asked.

Rei raised her injured arm and examined it, "It hurts less."

Shinji reached out, the little boy in his head sobbing for him to stop, "Let me tr-"

Rei pulled back, "No!"

Both were surprised by the reaction. Shinji by the unexpected force of the words, and Rei at her own vehemence. Shinji slowly sat back in his chair, and Rei relaxed too, settling back down into her bed.

"I can try to go slow this time." He offered.

Rei met his eyes, and the indifference was colored by wariness now, "and if you have another attack?"

Shinji pointed at the bedside, "Just press the nurse call button."

Rei blushed, more in self-recrimination than embarrassment, _"I could have easily acquired assistance from Tamako-san, why would I have sought to render assistance on my own. This bears thinking."_

Rather than reply, Rei exposed her arm again, and Shinji made it a point to rearrange the bedsheets over her chest again before taking it. Rei remembered the sensation of connection from before, and the relief as her pain was washed away. Her body shivered in anticipation as she felt that same reaching. Instead of wondering at the sensation and holding herself aloof, she tried to lower her guard.

Shinji gritted his teeth as he felt three separate pains leap to life on his body. His left femur throbbed, his right arm felt like a spiderweb of fire, and this chest constricted with every breath he took. Instead of diving into the pain like last time, he stood outside of the presence and pulled at it from the emptiness. The meditative state buffered the pain, and he quickly fell into a rhythm, letting the pain wash over him. Only then did he notice an undertone of something else, like a constant tide crashing against a jagged shore, filling his entire body with aching and accenting the acute injuries.

"_You can do this Shinji, it's what nii-san used to do for you. If the old man can take it so can you."_ He gritted his teeth and waited.

Several minutes passed, and Shinji felt Rei's return grip slacken. He looked up, worried, only to find that she had fallen asleep. A closer examination of the girl's features showed him that there were dark bags under her eyes.

"How long have you been awake Ayanami-san?" He whispered.

Instead of responding, a small smile played across Rei's face, and she snuggled down deeper into her pillow. The angles of her face were relaxed, giving her an ethereal beauty that seemed achingly familiar to the teenager in the chair.

"Shinji-kun!" A surprised voice from the door piped up.

Shinji spun around, toppling out of his chair in his haste. He scrambled to his feet as Tamako marched in, checking him over.

"Did she hit you?" She asked incredulously.

"M-m-my fault Tamako-san." Shinji stuttered.

Tamako glared at them both for a moment, then noticed that Rei was asleep, and smiling.

"_Smiling?!" _She thought, _"What exactly did he do?"_

She looked Shinji up and down questioningly, then set about her work of checking on the bluenette. A few moments later she ushered Shinji out, stopping in the hallway after reaching the room Shinji had occupied last night.

"I haven't seen her sleep like that… ever." She explained, "What did you do?"

Shinji shrugged, "We talked and I… held her hand."

Tamako raised an eyebrow, "Well aren't you a regular Casanova. You didn't kiss her did you?"

Shinji blushed, Tamako's eyebrows tried to migrate to the top of her scalp.

"Is that why she slapped you?" She asked, then her face darkened, "If you forced yourself on her Shinji, I will-"

Shinji put his hands up defensively, backing up to the wall, "No Tamako-san I-I would never do that. It was just the forehead!"

She glared at him for another moment, just to be sure, then let her expression soften, "I believe you Shinji-kun, but maybe you two can find a less violent way to bond? Whatever you two did was obviously good for her, I've never seen her that peaceful, and the poor thing hasn't been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time since her accident."

That brought something to Shinji's mind, and his own face hardened, "Why isn't she being given painkillers? She's clearly suffering!"

Tamako put up her hands, "She doesn't react well to them. We can give them to her occasionally, but they cause some adverse effects which we don't quite understand. We try to save them for when we have to do surgery. We had to tie her down to reset her leg, and even then she was on double the safe dosage of morphine."

Tears crept into the woman's eyes, and Shinji realized that she was probably barely an adult herself, "I wish there was more I could do for her, but we just have to watch her suffer. She does it so well, but behind that brave indifference she is in pain."

She suddenly reached out, stroking his hair, "I won't ask what you did for her, I don't care. Whatever it was… That girl has never been that relaxed, not even on anesthesia."

She back up and bowed deeply, her angle giving him a distinctly curved view, which he avoided by looking at the ceiling. She held the bow for a long moment, then righted herself.

"Thank you Shinji-kun," She said, dabbing her eyes with a tissue, "From all of us."

"I-please," Shinji said, flushing in embarrassment, "I just want her to get better, that's all."

She nodded, then gestured back to the nurse's station, "I called Captain Katsuragi before I came to check on you, she said she would be up momentarily. Is there anything I can get you Shinji-kun?"

He lowered his eyes, "I'm actually still very hungry."

Like magic, another rice pudding materialized in the woman's hands, and before he knew it he was scraping the last remnants onto the spoon and licking it clean. Tamako squeezed his arm and nodded in satisfaction.

"A growing boy needs energy, and don't let anyone tell you about calories Shinji-kun," She said, "You should see the calorie intakes that doctor Akagi sends to us for Rei, and she only ever loses weight."

Shinji would have inquired about that, but the doors leading out of the ward were thrown open by a bombastic violet haired captain who took one look at him and the nurse, then guffawed.

"I've heard of playing doctor before Shinji, but seriously?" She quirked an eyebrow, "Tamako-san is way beyond your league, and she shouldn't let you forget it."

Tamako groaned, "We're not flirting Misato-sama. I was just telling him abo-"

"Yeah, yeah," Misato said, strolling up to the pair and grabbing Shinji's arm, "Just let Rits know that I'm taking him home. The boy needs to relax, and hospitals are the worst for that."

Shinji felt himself being dragged away as a fuming Tamako gestured imperiously at the retreating Misato. He gave a wave before the doors shut, and Tamako winked in return. This was all very strange.

"I see Tamako caught you looking down her shirt," Misato said conversationally as she pulled him along, "That's an impressive mark."

Shinji rubbed his cheek and stayed silent, still processing what was going on.

"For someone who was so willing to point out the perversity of someone sending him a cute picture you sure are somewhat of a pervert yourself!" She pointed out, the smile on her face making it a joke.

Shinji failed to notice the smile and flushed, "Tamako-san isn't the one who gave me this."

Misato stopped dead, turning to him, a serious expression on her face, "Who was in your room? That ward is specifically restricted to high level Nerv personnel and the pilots. If they let someone in…"

"No!" He yelped, trying to backpedal, "I just had an accident with Rei."

"Rei slapped you?"

"Stop assuming things!" He yelled.

Misato paused, then sighed, "Has anything been permanently damaged?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Then I'll assume that you just slept on that side of your face for several hours." Misato concluded, linking her arm with his and continuing on her unstoppable advance.

"Misato wait!" Shinji yelled, having reached the end of his patience.

She stopped again, turning to face the young man who had just saved the entirety of Tokyo 3, and for that matter, the world. She realized that he was probably at the end of whatever rope held him to his sanity. Misato had never been good at relationships, but she could tell when a man had reached his breaking point, and Shinji looked like such a man right now.

"You have permission to speak pilot." She said, watching him heave breaths in and out after his last outburst.

Shinji straightened, an interesting response, when she used her command voice.

"Captain!" He ground out, "I am worried about the condition of pilot Rei Ayanami."

Misato kept her silence, allowing him to continue.

"Before I take another step I would like to obtain permission to visit her while she remains in hospital. I believe that spending time at her side could help her recover faster. I need her at my back when the next Angel arrives."

Misato was silent from shock now, _"Who on earth is this kid?"_

Unbeknownst to her, Shinji was only keeping his own jaw hinged shut by the stiff discipline that seemed to have locked his joints in place.

_You'll need to be firm with Misato at first, but she will support you when you need it. Treat her well nii-san, I trust you to know what to do._

Shinji's stiffened spine relaxed slightly, but he held himself up, fighting every instinct in keeping eye contact with the woman.

"_She does have very pretty eyes."_ A detached part of his brain noted.

Before he could follow that line of thought any farther, Misato placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I'll take care of it Shinji," She said softly, "I'll even drop you off on the way to work tomorrow."

Shinji breathed deeply, then dropped his eyes, "Thank you Katsuragi-san."

She snorted, "Kid, if you keep making me feel old I'll give you a matching mark on the other side of your face."

More carefully than before, Misato hooked his arm and led him away. Down an elevator, and out the front doors of the hospital they walked, activity growing as they left the VIP area. As they sunk into Misato's slightly battered sports car, a red eyed bluenette above them slept the sleep of the peaceful, dreaming of better days in the past, and better days yet to come. She felt a twinge, as if something important were drawing distant, but soon settled back into those sweet forgettings.

XXXXXX

Misato reached over and patted the thigh of the young man beside her. It might have been the previous 48 hours, or maybe Shinji understood on some level that Misato's hand was instinctively placed just a hair too high for mere friendliness, but in any case he absently took said hand in his own, gave it a light squeeze, then placed it back on the steering column.

"Where are we going?" Shinji asked, "I don't mean to be rude, but I really am tired, and would just like to get into my own clothes and lie down. Maybe watch something."

Misato threw him a grin, "You're going to be staying with me Shinji-kun!"

Shinji tried to be startled, but he was simply out of energy, "Okay."

"_He could at least sound excited!"_ Misato thought vehemently, _"It's not every day that you get to move in with a beautiful woman. I'll have to wear something provocative tonight. Maybe that old shirt…"_

A light touch on her forearm drew her musings back to reality. Surprisingly, it was Shinji who had initiated the contact, and he drew back as soon as she acknowledged the touch. Misato was not sure how she felt about either action.

"Thank you Katsuragi-taichou." He said, "I heard some of the things you were calling during the fight. It helps to know that someone was looking out for me."

Misato sobered instantly, "I told you I would be in your corner Shinji. No matter what happens to us outside of Nerv, when you step into that plug, I'm your gal, forever and always."

Shinji felt a fluttering in his chest that had failed to rise due to any of her previous unconscious and conscious touching, and his eyes burned slightly as they filled with tears. It was too close to what someone had said to him once before. Tears began to leak down his face.

His blurred vision failed to notice as the car slowed, a rack of emergency personnel lights lighting up on the vehicle as it executed a blatantly illegal parking maneuver. He did notice when the woman at his slide pulled him into a crushing hug.

"I was so afraid," He sobbed, "It hurt so much, and then he was gone!"

"Shhhhh." Misato shushed, "It's ok now Shinji, it's over."

He wept on, not willing to tell her how right she was.

And there, possibly blocking traffic, and not caring the least about it, two broken souls shared tears and pain. They wept for all they had lost, and all that they would lose. But mostly, they wept because somebody else understood, and the weight of the world is only half so heavy when someone else bends their back with you.

* * *

A/N: Hey folks, please let me know if flashbacks would be better in bold or italics. I think italics have a better memory feel to them, but bold might be easier to distinguish.

-Seratar


	3. Reprise

A/N: Hey folks, sorry for the prelude. I just realized that FF doesn't play well with my word processor, and wanted to note that whenever Nii-san's voice comes up in the real world it should be underlined and italicized, and I'm making sure that it does so from here on out. I'll see if I get around to fixing it in the first two chapters at some point. Otherwise, enjoy!

* * *

Better Angels

Chapter 3

Reprise

Misato helped Shinji into her apartment, failing to make any innuendos as he held onto her for support. After crying for longer than Misato was really comfortable watching or doing, Shinji had sat slumped in his seat, staring off into the distance. She had set a new personal record getting home, and had to gently coax him out of the car, the teen practically hanging off her the whole way.

Cursing herself for the mess, she used one foot to sweep old takeout containers off of the couch, laying her charge on it. He half curled to fit onto the small piece of furniture, then continued to stare, eyes fixed on the blank TV screen.

"Shinji," She said tentatively, touching his cheek, "Do I need to call a doctor?"

Shinji blinked, surfacing from his fugue for a moment, "Wha?"

"Doctor?" She replied.

He shook his head, "Worn out, need to rest."

She stepped back and watched him for a moment, then sighed herself and decided to let him be. If he was still checked out tomorrow he would be checking in to the hospital as a patient rather than a visitor. If he said he would be okay, she at least owed him the benefit of the doubt.

After fetching a pillow for Shinji, she moved to the kitchen for a dose of medication. Three beers later, and she was feeling less empty. As she nursed her fourth, she contemplated the days events. It had been a long time since someone had been able to get under her skin the way that Shinji had in just two days' time. He was a frustrating combination of vulnerable, understanding, and downright mulish. The alcohol told her that he had no right to confuse her that way. She quietly told the alcohol to go back to sleep.

"_It's not even 1000 hours and your drinking Misato?" _Her self-loathing asked, _"This must be a new record."_

She silenced her self-loathing with another beer, that always worked. Maybe she would go out to a bar tonight, see if she could pick up a guy. She couldn't bring him home, not with Shinji here, but maybe she could get some quick release before the week started. The thought made her slightly giddy, and emptier as well for some reason. She couldn't get her mind off the way that Shinji quietly rebuffed her advances, even though she felt confident that she would have cut it off before it went beyond simple teasing.

"Kid has me all confused," She mumbled.

She finished number 4 and went for 5. That would do the trick. Day drinking always helped.

Before she could crack the top of her next canned happiness, Misato's phone rang. Cursing, she fumbled around in her jacket, beginning to feel a light buzz from the alcohol. Eventually her treacherous fingers got a hold of the thing and she brought it to her ear.

"Misato," She snapped, proud of the lack of slurring.

"Don't shoot the messenger captain," Came the cool of voice of Ritsuko, "I'm just calling to check in on Shinji. Did you make it home alright? I hope you didn't crash, he doesn't need that kind of trauma after dealing with an Angel."

Misato cursed, "Listen you blond-"

"You're drinking again," Ritsuko sighed, "How many so far, and can I expect to see you tonight at the usual place?"

Misato groaned, "Sorry Ritsuko… Only 2 so far today."

"Liar."

Misato grunted, "Listen, I don't need you to lecture me about what I do when I have a day off. I've been up for 72 hours now dealing with the crisis. If I want to drink through the stims then that is my prerogative, not yours!"

"Mmhmm," Ritsuko agreed, "Look, I really don't care what you do with your spare time Misato."

"_You used to Ritsuko,"_ She thought glumly, _"Just like I used to care which guy you were sleeping with, or how many hours you had been at work"_

"But I do want to see you," She continued, "We need to hang out a little, girl's night at the club, I'll invite Maya and we can drown our sorrows before starting over again."

Misato was tempted. Her brain fought with itself over spending time with the woman who she still called a friend and finding a man to fill her up. She looked out the window and spotted Shinji's arm hanging over the edge of the couch. Something deep inside Misato clicked, and she sighed.

"Yeah, lets meet up, but maybe not at the bar, and not tonight." She replied, forcing herself to put happy 5 back in the fridge, "Why don't we go out for Korean."

Ritsuko's end of the line was quiet for a moment, "Okay… Is there something you want to tell me Misato?"

Her voice was much gentler, years melting away to those bright-eyed college days where they still believed in a world worth saving.

Misato sighed, "No, but responsibility is a pain."

Ritsuko paused again, "How is he?"

"Hurting," Misato replied, walking over to the couch and running a hand through the now sleeping Shinji's hair, "I don't think he should be alone right now."

Ritsuko's tone went deadly serious, "Has he said anything about hurting himself?"

"No Rits!" She snapped, "He's just feeling everything. He visited Rei before he left the hospital, I think he blames himself for what happened to her or something stupid like that. He's been staring out the window since we got here."

Ritsuko's tone didn't change, "Misato, that boy is on 24 hour suicide watch as of right now. Do I need to call in one of his detail to be with him?"

"No!" Misato growled, "I'll take care of him… he can sleep with me right now, I'll make sure he can't hurt himself."

Ritsuko sighed, "Fine, but not in the same bed Misato. The kid has had enough trauma to last at least the rest of his life, let alone the month he probably has before the next Angel comes knocking. Confusing him with waking up in the arms of a woman with your… physique would be the last thing in the world he needs right now."

"Fine Ritsuko," Misato said, "Now, if you're done lecturing I'm going to put us to bed before I pass out beside the couch."

"Good night sweety." Ritsuko half-joked.

"Funny." Misato replied, hanging up.

Misato went to her room and started piling dirty laundry inside her closet. After there was a decent space on the side she dragged in a spare futon and rearranged her own so that there would be some space between them. Shinji himself was light, the thinness of his frame made her think he might even be malnourished, although there were no other signs of dietary insufficiency.

Settling him in, she stripped down herself, making sure to put on the old shirt she had thought of, and crashed onto her futon. A combination of fatigue, alcohol, and the comforting presence of somebody else in the room with her quickly drove her to sleep.

XXXXXX

When Shinji awoke again, it was to another unknown ceiling, followed swiftly by the realization that he was not alone. He held his breath briefly, wondering when the hitting would start, before realizing that he was in Misato's apartment, not his old home. After taking a steadying breath he sat up, looking around the darkened room. The single window showed that it was night, pale moonlight bouncing distorted shadows off of the figure sleeping close by.

The bedside alarm showed 0300 in soft red light, prompting Shinji to wonder where the past 17 hours had gone. He groggily rolled off of his futon, groaning as aching pain shot through every part of his body. He pulled himself up the wall and groggily stumbled into the hallway to find the bathroom and answer nature's call.

Business done, Shinji tripped his way through the house back to the living room, where he was surrounded by the detritus of a slovenly woman. He groaned, flopping down on the couch and staring out the window at the few twinkling lights that remained lit in Tokyo 3 at this hour.

After a time spent laying in the squalor, Shinji finally got up the energy to do something about it. His previously tight muscles sang with anger and relief as they were stretched towards the task of cleaning. Shinji liked cleaning. The act of making order out of chaos filled him with a sense of purpose, and usually meant that the beatings would be less harsh. That thought was quickly locked back in its box, and Shinji hummed a soft tune as he located the trash bags and started sorting through the garbage strewn about the floor.

Two hours later he was washing the dishes when Misato stumbled into the bathroom. The sound of groaning and repeated vows of "going dry" echoed through the apartment. Shinji hoped she wouldn't trip over the garbage bags he had left by the front door. Misato lurched past him to the fridge a minute later, cracking open the refrigerator and extracting a can of beer.

Uncharacteristically bold, Shinji reached out to touch her forearm, "Misato-san, I don't think you should-"

"Look kid," She growled, "Some of us have had our tears all dried out. I'll handle my problems my way, and you do yours."

Cut deeply, Shinji stumbled back. Misato, not even sparing him a glance, shotgunned the entire can and grabbed another. She didn't even seem to notice him as she walked by, settling herself at the table.

Following her with his eyes, then watching as she began taking moderate gulps from the can, Shinji felt a swelling of disgust mixed with despair claw its way up inside of him. He had hoped Misato would be different, that she wouldn't let him down like every other adult he had met in his life.

_Don't give up on her, she's hurting just like you Shinji._

Shinji almost shrugged the thought aside. Whatever nii-san thought of this… woman, he clearly didn't know her that well. She didn't know how to deal with her problems without alcohol, and she clearly didn't care a single lick about him. Fists clenched, he almost walked away. He almost went back to his chores, knowing that he could sink himself into them and let her drink herself into the morning. But he wasn't here to roll over.

Eyes narrowing, Shinji strode into the dining area and grabbed the top of her beer, "Katsuragi-san, I don't think you should finish this."

Misato froze, then slowly turned her head to him, eyes holding the promise of death as Shinji's hand refused to budge under her repeated movements.

"Hands off the goods kiddo," She snarled.

"No." He replied, feeling a deep calm while a little child gibbered in the back of his mind.

With a mighty heave, Misato tore the can free of his grip. Unfortunately, it unbalanced her own grasp on the can, and the scent of alcohol filled the room as the fermented beverage spilled down the front of her shirt. Rage flashed in her eyes and she stood to face this brat.

*SMACK*

Shinji's head was turned to the side, his shoulders drooping as if under a heavy burden, his eyes unfocused. Misato's chest heaved, doing interesting things with her wet shirt which Shinji would never remember seeing.

"_I just needed my drink you little…" _A voice in Misato's head shrieked.

Inside Shinji's head, the gibbering child had put him into full lockdown, crying about the need for preparation. They would need to protect his vital organs. Nothing was ever broken, but there was always the chance of heartburn if he didn't protect his stomach. A mental list of what he would need to do when the deed was accomplished scrolled through his mind. He was caught in a loop.

They stood there, one not moving due to paralyzing rage, the other held by a terror so deep that it should have sucked him straight down through the floor to the heart of the world. Surprisingly, it was neither one that broke the spell, but instead a large penguin. He worked his way past the two humans, warking something which neither could understand, and made his way to the bathroom, completely disinterested in their argument.

The sound of the bath running slammed Shinji back into gear, the pure absurdity breaking his reverie.

"Do you feel powerful now Katsuragi-san?" He asked, still not looking at her.

What Pen-Pen could not do, Shinjis words did. Like a bucket of ice water poured over flames, Misato's rage was chilled. She stared in horror at her own hand, then at the teenager whom she had just struck. The teenager who was supposed to be on suicide watch. The teenager whom she was supposed to protect. Shinji never saw the look of utter self-hatred that crossed her face, for when he finally got himself together enough to look at her, she was gone.

Fear and loathing drove the boy to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he slowly locked that little voice back into its box.

"_Three little boxes, neat in a row, aren't they lovely, at my carnival show?"_ Shinji thought, touched by more than a hint of madness.

Things were supposed to be different. He was supposed to protect everyone and they were supposed to love him. Couldn't they see that he was doing this all for them? Didn't they want his help?

Shinji clutched his head, pulling on his hair violently, curling up further and further into a ball as he tried to face the truth of the world. Nobody wanted him, nobody needed him. He was destined to be alone, and that was that. Loneliness was his shield, and the knife which was driven into his back. Forever, and ever.

Warmth, like the first ray of sun on a cloudy day, swept over him.

XXXXXX

The dream field lay before him.

"Ah Shinji-kun," A familiar voice said, "I see you've discovered the bitterness of the world."

Shinji spun and threw himself at the man. Warmth enfolded him as strong, gentle arms took him in their grasp and rocked him like a child. He wept for joy.

When the tears ended, he finally stepped back and looked at his nii-san, "I thought you were-"

The old man shook his head sadly, "I'm not here Shinji. It's a clever trick that I planted in your mind. I'm quite proud of it if I do say so myself!"

The man gestured to a pair of chairs and took a seat, "I'm afraid we cannot talk you and I, and perhaps it is for the best. You will learn to respect your elders if you just listen!"

The twinkle in his eye made a lie of the words, and Shinji gasped out a half-sob, half-laugh.

"Now, let's see in this scenario… ah yes, overwhelming despair," The old man spoke matter-of-factly, "I wonder if it's Asuka. No, I think she would give a much different reaction. Maybe Rei? Perhaps."

The old man smoothed his robe, "No matter young man, the words I have for you are the same."

"But Nii-san, I-" Shinji began.

"My boy!" He guffawed, "I am dead and you still won't let me finish a thought without interrupting. Surely you hold me in more esteem than that!"

Shinji laughed, this time the sound was purer, and the old man settled back in response, smiling himself.

"Listen Shinji, you've probably run into somebody who had rejected you outright, or is mad that you are trying to fix them. The truth is that people are the worst. Literally."

"Chances are you've done the right thing, and they've lashed out in anger. You're tearing at walls of self-defense that they have built up around themselves for years. They don't want to get better, they just want to get on with it."

The old man waved his hand in the air, "Chances are its someone older than you like me, who thinks the youth of this generation are out of control! And by the spirits are they! I was trying to talk to my granddaughter the other day and she was too busy texting!"

Shinji turned his head slightly, onii-san was rarely this candid. It was a little confusing.

The old man sighed, "But listen to me go on. This is what happens when you have a captive audience. Where was I? Oh yes!"

The old man stood up, shaking a finger at the place where Shinji was when he appeared, "Listen to me now Shinji, I didn't burn through 11 years of my life for you to give up now. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. When people push back it usually means that there is something behind that pushing worth getting too."

As if realizing that Shinji would have sat down at his request, the memory of the old man spun to face him in the chair, proffering a hand. When Shinji took it, he was surprised to feel strength as the old many pulled him into another embrace.

"And always remember that I love you Shinji, never doubt that." The man's voice grew choked, "I know I can't be with you, and I am sorry for that. But know this, as long as you hold to the things I have taught you, you will never be alone, because in doing them, I will be a part of you."

The old man moved away, holding him at arms' length, although his eyes were centered a few centimeters lower than Shinji's current height, "You can always find the dream field if you search for it Shinji. I won't be here, but there will always be memories of me in this place if you look closely."

"Now go," The old man said quietly, "And do as I have always done for you."

XXXXXX

When Shinji opened his eyes the pain wasn't gone, but it was… bearable. He pulled himself up, moving by the glow of the remembered warmth. Thoughts of food, cleaning and dry clothes were banished from his mind. Moving slowly, he made his way to the door to Misato's room, through which he could hear muffled sounds. A tentative knock elicited no response.

"I'm coming in Misato." He said, though his tongue tried to cleave to the roof of his mouth.

He opened the door to find his roommate curled up against the wall, holding her legs with her forehead pressed against her knees. The sound of a sob pulled him like iron to a lodestone. He knelt before the woman and gently took one of her hands.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, tears marring her beautiful features.

"It's," Shinji paused, "It's not okay."

She froze, her eyes filled with self-loathing as she waited for him to lay her out with the words that she deserved to hear. She prayed that he would find solace in whatever he did next, she was ready to pay the price for what she had done, if only she could take back that single movement.

He began again, "We'll work it out together. I-I have a lot of problems, and I think you have some too Misato."

She braced herself, then her hatred faded to confusion as she listened to the words coming out of his mouth.

He gave her a smile that contained the sadness of the world, "I'm in your corner. I'm your guy, forever and always."

Faster than lighting, Shinji felt arms wrap around him, holding onto him like a drowning man in a storm. He held her back just as fiercely, and for the second time in as many days they wept together.

XXXXXX

About 15 minutes passed before they emerged from Misato's room, both stinking of spilt beer and spent sorrow.

"I'm going to take a shower." Shinji murmured.

"That's a great idea," Misato agreed, then grinned, "Mind if I join you?"

"Please Misato, not now." Shinji begged, "Not after what we just went through."

Misato sobered, "Shinji, I'm sorry for what happened, we're just so tired ri-"

"No Misato, don't blow this off!" Shinji cut in, gesturing towards the kitchen, "Yes, we're tired, but there is something fundamentally wrong with us. I… I don't want to see you crawl inside a bottle because we just forgot that this ever happened. Or worse, I would hate to see you drink yourself unconscious _because_ of this. We need to change if we don't want to do this on a weekly basis."

Misato regarded him and nodded, "Alright, I agree. I won't… crawl into a bottle. Spirits I can't believe I'm saying this."

Shinji smiled with real warmth, and those darn butterflies started acting up in her stomach again.

"But in return, I need you to tell me why you locked up." She countered.

The little child was back, always making plans and preparing for what was to come. Shinji felt a touch on his arm and looked at Misato, who was regarding him with the kind of gentle reassurance reserved for children and the mentally ill. Shinji worried about which one she thought he was.

_Tell her_

Shinji protested internally. This was his burden to bear, not one he should foist on others. There was no reason for Misato to know what he went through.

"Shinji, please," Misato implored, her eyes filled with compassion.

"If I tell you, this stays between us." He replied, giving her a level expression.

She nodded, never breaking eye contact, "I promise."

"_Broken trust!" _the child cried, _"It's all lies, don't trust, don't let them in! Don't let them see our plans! No one can know what we plan, or it will all come to ruins! DON'T TELL HER!"_

"_In your box!" _Shinji growled back internally, he was rewarded with blessed silence.

Misato watched the young man shudder, the glazed look in his eyes evaporating as he came to again.

"When I was young there was a man who… hurt me." He admitted, "Many times."

"_I won't tell you everything Misato, I _can't_" _he thought, _"Forgive me for not being strong enough to trust you. The little one is right sometimes, and I can't let it go, not right now."_

Misato just nodded her head gravely, "Thank you for telling me Shinji. I am glad that you trust me with this."

He almost laughed.

She swatted him on the rear, her voice taking on a command tone, "Off to the shower with you soldier."

He tried to grin, but only managed a grimace, "Yes ma'm."

He was pursued by threatening noises, but made his escape before Misato could unleash her rage.

XXXXXX

"Now remember, no kissing this time!" Misato teased, "I don't want to find out that Rei had to slap you again for your perversions."

Shinji grimaced and failed to respond. He knew that the ribbing was all in good fun, but if Misato found out how much Shinji had actually seen of the bluenette's body… He was not looking forward to a discussion of that type any time soon with the violet haired captain.

"Oh, before you go, take this!" Misato called as he moved to shut the door, "It's your phone and your Nerv ID, I had them made special for you."

Shinji looked at the picture, wondering where exactly they had gotten such. The phone was a rugged utilitarian model. He didn't think he would be able to do more than call and text on it, but it would probably survive the outer edges of an N2 blast in a pinch, and that was what he would probably need if the phone were to be used for its primary purpose, to call him in.

"Thanks Misato," He replied, giving her a slight smile, "I'll try not to lose them."

Misato showed her teeth, "You'd better not you hooligan, or we'll have words!"

Shinji chuckled, "I'll find my own way home, walk if I have to, it's not far and it's a nice day."

Misato raised an eyebrow, "I see the end of the world heat hasn't affected you for some reason."

Shinji shrugged, he had grown up without air conditioning, and the luxury of it was almost painfully decadent. Actually wearing a blanket at night instead of a thin sheet was to him a staggering waste of electricity, but he supposed that feeling cold was a luxury that Misato could afford.

Without further words, Shinji entered the hospital. His Nerv ID sped him past the reception area, and he was soon standing at the doors to the H ward on the 4th floor. The scanner at the door took his card as well, the doors unlocking with an ominous 'chunk' as he swiped it, allowing him to pull them open.

The nurse at the desk looked visibly brighter as he entered.

"Shinji-kun" Tamako greeted, bowing slightly as she stood up, "Are you here to see Rei-chan?"

"Tamako-san," He greeted, "Do you think so little of yourself?"

The nurse blushed, and Shinji chalked himself up a point in an imaginary game that they might have been playing. Smoothing her uniform, Tamako gestured for him to follow as she headed down the hall.

"You're quite the charmer Shinji-kun," She said, "I hope you had a pleasant day yesterday."

Shinji's face darkened, but Tamako was too busy flipping through a medical chart as they walked to notice. His silence caused her to stop, but the bland expression on his face which greeted her when she turned to look at him held back the tumult of emotions inside him. Tamako tilted her head slightly, then poked him on the bridge of the nose.

"You're too somber Shinji-kun," She said, "A boy your age should show more excitement. I know that your situation is hardly normal, but if you go around with such an indifferent look on your face I will begin to think that you are becoming Rei-chan."

"Maybe she has a better idea of how to handle things." He ventured.

Tamako placed a hand on either side of his head and shook it side to side gently, "Shinji-kun, I know it seems like the answer is to distance yourself. I've seen a lot of nurses and doctors come through here. The ones who try to stay aloof, they might seem fine for a while, but more than half of them end up hanging themselves."

Shinji felt a cold chill run up his spine, "I-It's not like that Tamako-san."

Tamako's eyes were sad, "I know Shinji, but once you take the first step down that road it is very hard to come back. Please don't stop loving people just because it hurts when they're gone."

She pulled a small locket from around her neck and showed him a picture of two young people, laughing as the woman tried to tickle the man.

"These were my parents," Tamako explained, "I lost them during the post-second impact crisis when I was young. I was lost for a long time without them, but I've been able to work past it. A lot of that is due to the fact that I have to look after my little brother. You can't be indifferent and live your life Shinji, trust me. I know."

Shinji was amazed that he had never noticed the emerald hue of this woman's eyes. They were reflected with unshed tears, and Shinji silently took her hands in his.

"I accept your wisdom Tamako san," He said, "I'll try to keep loving everyone."

She grinned, refastening the necklace, "Hey now, save some for me Shinji-kun."

He blushed as Tamako turned away, leading him back to Rei's room. A quiet knock and a barely heard acknowledgement was followed by Tamako stepping in. Moments later she returned, a tray of bland looking leftover food in her hands.

"She's as eager to see you as I've ever seen." She said, "Don't take too long, she's still weak."

Before she left, Tamako performed an impressive feat of juggling, placing another rice pudding cup in his hands.

"Try to get her to eat this," She said, "The poor girl always tells me about 'nutritional requirements' and the sort, but I think such a skinny girl needs something sweet."

With that, the brunette nurse was gone. Shinji opened the door and stepped inside. Rather than staring at the ceiling, Rei had elevated her bed and was watching the door with an intensity that pinned him where he stood. Her red eyes roved over his body for a moment.

"I see you have not sustained any injuries since we last met." She remarked.

Confused, Shinji nodded, "Can I come in?"

"Why?" Rei asked.

"I thought you would be happy to see me." He said, "I can go if you would like."

A quick shake of her head made the bluenette grit her teeth, hand moving beneath the sheet to grip the side of her chest.

"No, I would not be opposed to your company." She replied quickly.

He smiled at her, easing himself down into the chair, the smile turning to a grimace as he tried to settle himself.

"You are in pain." Rei stated.

Shinji nodded, "I feel stiff and sore all over, like I've been sick for a few days and am just getting better. It should be fine."

Rei got a contemplative look on her face, then reached to her bedside for a red notebook. The action caused her bedding to fall away, exposing her injuries, along with certain other features. Shinji quickly dropped his eyes. Rather than speak, Rei began typing on the notebook, heedless of her own nudity.

"Ayanami-san-" Shinji began,

"Rei." She cut in.

"What?" He asked.

The notebook clicked shut and was placed back on the side table.

She spoke hesitantly, as if not really understanding her own words, "I would be… honored if you would use my first name alone Ikari-san."

Iron discipline kept Shinji's eyes lowered, "You sound unsure."

"I am untrained in relationships Ikari-san," Rei explained, "After sleeping for 10 hours I have been researching the meaning of such. My research indicates that you should refer to me by my first name with no honorific, or perhaps a chan if you are uncomfortable. I would also like to know your birth sign, blood type, and favorite confection."

Shinji felt his mouth go slack.

"I have also read that conversing with someone is usually done by looking at them, not at the floor." She continued.

"I would Ayan- Rei, but," He gestured at his own midsection, "You really need a shirt on."

Rei paused, then realized what he was referring to. She looked curiously down at the one breast which was not held in place by her wrappings, then back at Shinji.

"Does my body displease you?" She asked, "I have read that some women go on diets to please other men. If you wish I could reduce my caloric intake by 10%."

"No!" Shinji yelped, "It's- your body doesn't displease me, not that it pleases me either! I don't know! It's just… I don't think I should be seeing your… assets right now."

After several moments of silence, Shinji heard the rustling of fabric, and a slight gasp.

"I require assistance," Rei said.

Shinji looked up, thankful that the scrub top was at least half on and cover up the important parts. He quickly stood up and helped her with the last bit, before settling her back. She looked tired from the exertion, and the slight grimace let him know that she might have hurt something in the effort.

Struck by sudden inspiration, Shinji remember the rice pudding cup, and quickly proffered it.

"Tamako-san said you should eat this." Shinji said.

Rei eyed the package, "The colloquialism for that kind of snack is junk food. There is little nutritional value in consuming it, and I must remain in optimal working condition to accomplish my mission as the pilot of Evangelion unit-00."

"Well, yes, it is junk food," Shinji replied, "But sometimes we eat things because they taste good, not because they are necessarily the best thing for us."

Rei eyed the food, "Is this something that you wish for me to do?"

Shinji felt a little odd at the phrasing of her question, but he nodded. After an abortive attempt at working through the packaging with only one working arm, Rei requested his assistance, which ended with him feeding her rather than going through the trouble of working out how to do it working together. When they were finished, Rei looked at the container again, nodding thoughtfully.

"Thank you for your sound advice Ikari-san," She spoke gravely, "I believe you are correct in stating that some food is worth eating, even if it is not optimized to promote health."

Shinji stared. What kind of life had this girl had growing up? As far as he could tell, she wasn't fully aware of how to pursue friendships of any kind. The questions she was asking sounded like they came off of a dating site. Her initial refusal of undeniably superfluous food was straight out of an efficiency manual for the modern worker.

"Rei," Shinji asked carefully, "Do you have any friends?"

Rei grabbed a handful of bedsheet and she looked down at it and a slight pinkness suffused her cheeks, "I have been directed to believe that friends are a distraction, and watching others has led me to reinforce that conclusion… but now I think I would like it if you became my friend, and maybe I could even become yours. I am not properly conversant with the methods of friendship, that is why I have been researching."

Her eyes hardened and she looked back up at him, "No one has ever come to sit with me Ikari-san, not even Ikari-sama. I was pleased when Tamako said you were here."

"Would you like me to come by tomorrow?" He probed, "After school I mean."

She reached out with her uninjured hand and clasped his own, a small, unpracticed smile creeping fearfully onto her face.

"I would enjoy that very much." She replied, feeling a sense of relief that had never before graced her heart.

Holding her hand again, Shinji closed his eyes, sinking into his internal darkness, reaching for the pinprick of light that he recognized has Rei Ayanami. As he drew close, he felt his hand become tight with more than polite squeezing. He opened his eyes to see Rei looking at him.

"I… Do not want to hurt you Ikari-san." She began doubtfully.

"Between us, it's just Shinji," He replied, then squeezed lightly back.

He looked into her red eyes, noting the dark circles still hanging beneath them.

"This is something that I can do for you Rei, please let me." He said.

A single tear worked its way down her cheek, and she nodded.

For some reason, there was not so much pain as he remembered from last time.

XXXXXX

When Shinji awoke, he was mildly confused. His entire body felt like he had run a marathon the day before, then been left to cook low and slow over a bed of smoldering coals. He groaned and tried to move his head, only to find that it was pinned beneath someone's hand.

Letting his eyes wander, he saw an appendage of pale skin connected to a body in a green scrub top, a tuft of blue hair poking out above the shoulder from what he assumed was her head. He remembered dimly the waves of pain washing against him for… how long was it?

Deciding that he needed to get into a better position before his back staged a full on revolt against his posture, Shinji slowly began to worm his way out from under the bluenette's hand. A spastic contraction of her fingers forced him to stop, but her muscles relaxed soon after, and he was able to extract himself. Barely avoiding melting to the floor in relief after straightening, Shinji used the side of the bed to pull himself up.

Looking down at Rei, he saw that little smile, and the same softened planes of her face as she slept. Unable to resist, he brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face. He wondered what his life would have been like if he had never been exposed to this kind of gentleness. If he had grown up bereft of any kind of love. He recognized his own brokenness, but he had had someone to lift him up when the world seemed only full of darkness.

"Ayanami-san," He whispered, "I'm not good at relationships either. I've never had a friend in my life other than nii-san. I hope we can learn how to be friends together."

Easing the door closed, Shinji ambled down the hallway on half wooden legs, a now familiar sense of stiffness creeping through the entirety of his body. He wondered briefly if he should still be feeling the after-effects of the Angel attack. A twinge in his back reminded him of an old firehouse which he had demolished during his flight.

Tamako gave him a tired smile and stood up to greet him, bowing low once more to give him a view any man would envy. Shinji hummed tunelessly as he riveted his eyes to the clock until she straightened.

"Thank you for coming again Shinji-kun!" She gushed, "I caught you two sleeping together and I didn't have the heart to wake you."

Shinji groaned, "Please Tamako-san, don't make it sound weird."

"Soooo cuuuuute." She crooned.

Shinji shook his head, "I'll see you tomorrow Tamako-san."

She fanned herself theatrically, "I await your return with thready pulse!"

As he stepped out into the afternoon sun, his phone buzzed. Shinji looked down and opened the text message from Misato. Unsurprisingly, the woman had already added her own picture to the number, this one was probably a selfie due to the downward angle of the shot and barely restrained… Shinji quickly deleted the picture from his phone.

_Shinji! Good news, I've got your salary paperwork filed, your Nerv card should be accepted at all major locations within the city. If you want to buy yourself something nice I've already had your first combat bonus dropped into you account, along with an advance on your first week's pay._

_Enjoy!_

_Don't delete my pictures! XOXO_

Shinji groaned again. Some men would kill for the chance to have Misato's picture, especially that specific one, on their phone. To him it just felt weird. He had taken orders, maybe only one or two, but even so, from the woman in professional mode, and now this? Shinji was beginning to suspect that alcoholism might not be Misato's only vice. He quickly tapped out a reply.

_Thanks Misato. Too late._

He put his phone away and decided that now was as good a time as ever to explore the area around Misato's apartment in search of grocery stores. If he was going to eat any real food in her apartment he was going to have to cook it himself. He also had a feeling that Misato would benefit from something other than instant noodles and hot sauce.

After about 20 minutes of walking Shinji was feeling light headed. A combination of the heat, and the strange fatigue that had plagued him since arriving in Tokyo 3 was taking its toll. His shoulders slumped and his head hung low. Passersby started to nervously edge away from him as his condition grew more and more apparent. Finally, Shinji stopped, taking the opportunity to lean against a nearby electrical pole.

As he waited, he felt more than heard a black sedan pull up on the street beside him.

"Ikari-san," A female voice addressed him, "I think you should get in the car."

Shinji looked over at the rolled down window. The woman inside looked tough, like action movie tough. She held an identification badge in front of him, identifying herself as a member of something called 'Section 2,' and was motioning to someone in the passenger seat. A tall, lean, muscular man stepped out of the passenger door and moved around to Shinji's side, pulling open the rear door.

"Please sir," He said, "It looks like you're about to collapse in this heat."

Shinji felt something stutter in the back of his brain, but the wash of cool air flowing out of the vehicle lured him like a siren's song. Shinji flopped into the seat, barely managing to buckle himself in before his head started pounding from the rapid temperature change. A bottle of something was thrust into his hands, and he took a swallow. Ice water had never tasted so good.

"Baseplate this is Noble-4" The woman said, "We have Purple, he's not looking so good. I think he's dehydrated."

A crackling voice responded.

"Yessir, on the double. Noble out." She replied, then turned herself to address him, "We're taking you home sir."

"Need food." He grumped woozily.

"Negative sir," She responded crisply, "We'll order you some takeout before we leave, but what you need right now is a tall glass of water and a soft bed."

Shinji didn't have the energy to argue. Nor did he really know who exactly he was talking to. The next few minutes were a haze of stupor congealed around hallucinations. For some reason, he thought he was in a hospital bed for a while, with his entire body aching from several different wounds. There had been something about an accident… No, maybe it was from waking up too soon.

At least he didn't have to walk home.


	4. First Days

Better Angels

Chapter 4

First Days

Shinji was getting tired of waking up to unknown ceilings.

Shinji's nerves lit up with phantom pain as he sat up, reminding him that they were still upset with him. He groaned and rubbed his arm, trying to relieve the waves of burning that coursed up and down the limb.

"What is happening to me?" He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Instead of his nerves responding, his stomach growled with vigor, and Shinji was temporarily bent double as hunger pains tried to eat their way out of his abdomen. Groaning more, Shinji limped his way into the kitchen, stumbling to the refrigerator for the leftover takeout his agents had ordered. Not even bothering to reheat the rice and curry, he wolfed down the contents of the package, then put the kettle on to boil. Three cups of instant noodles later, Shinji's stomach ceased to howl for attention, instead reduced to satisfied grumbling as it digested the hastily prepared meal.

The clock on the oven read 0400, and Shinji realized he had been asleep for another ten hours, not including the time he had spent passed out next to Rei. Regarding his hand, it seemed skeletally thin compared to what he was used to, and the imprints of ribs could be felt through his chest wall.

Unwilling to lay back down, he headed back to his room. Three boxes and a bag, containing all of his worldly possessions, were stacked against the wall. He quickly withdrew a t-shirt and pants, dressed, and drew on a pair of socks. Tiptoeing carefully, he slipped on a pair of shoes and stepped out into the moonlit night. A man in a suit he didn't recognize was waiting as he disembarked from the elevator, holding up a hand.

"Sir," The agent said, "I need you to go back inside."

"I need food sir," Shinji replied, his belly emphasizing his point, "You can come with me or I can try and sneak away."

The agent brushed his chin, then nodded, muttering something into his earpiece as he took up a flanking position on Shinji.

"Am I… Purple?" Shinji asked, taking note of something the agent said.

The agent motioned him towards a black sedan which had just pulled up, "Yes sir."

Shinji went to open the door, but the agent beat him too it, his eyes still on their surroundings. Shinji decided not the fight the man on the topic and took his seat. When the agent took his own seat, Shinji addressed him again.

"And you're… Noble?"

"Noble-6 to be exact sir, this is Noble-7, my partner." He gestured to the woman in the driver's seat.

Shinji caught the hint from their succinct responses and dropped into silence. The car pulled up next to a convenience store and the agent let him out. Shinji felt like an observer in a surreal paranoid fantasy as the second agent entered the store, motioning him to enter a few moments later.

"Just being thorough sir," The agent murmured next to him, "This won't happen all the time, just when you're in a delicate condition."

"Delicate?" He asked.

The agent shrugged, "Nothing to worry about sir. We're supposed to treat you like a newborn kitten right now. Life should go back to normal once the doctor clears you."

Shinji pondered that as he headed inside the store. Shopping hungry was not a new experience for Shinji, but the thought that he was not required to stay within a budget may have resulted in more than a little splurging. He worried for a moment as he ran his Nerv card, but it came back with an acceptance and the cashier thanked him, tying off four heavily laden bags and handing them over.

Shinji's caretakers drove him home, even going so far as to make sure he made it through the front door, although they did not offer to carry his bags. Once inside, he set about preparing himself a breakfast for two, along with something for Misato to chew on once she woke up. Eggs and rice were followed by fried eggplant and a side of chopped greens. A large carafe of tea finished the set, and he set about himself with a will.

Later, with a full stomach, a packed lunch box, and a rack of clean dishes, Shinji found himself sitting on the balcony watching the sun come up. The door behind him slid open and Misato stepped out, slurping up one of her eggs.

"Thanks for breakfast Shinji," She said, gulping the egg down, "I'm going to get fat if you take care of me this way every morning."

Shinji glanced over at her, grinning, a combination of satiety and the peace of the morning lending him a measure of disinhibition.

"I get the feeling that you're the kind of woman whose center of gravity travels up when she gains weight, rather than going down." He remarked, casually throwing her a raised eyebrow.

Misato thought about that for a second, then flushed, "Shinji!"

Shinji's face reddened too, startled at his own audacity, "S-sorry Misato-san, I'm just feeling… good."

She ruffled his hair, "Cut the -san crap and I'll forgive you. This time."

Shinji patted the seat next to his, and Misato took it, enjoying her breakfast while they watched Tokyo-3 come alive.

"It really is worth saving isn't it?" Shinji asked.

Misato glanced over at him, "Yeah, but we don't just fight for Tokyo-3 Shinji. The work we do is to protect the whole world."

Shinji shrugged, "I agree, but I don't think I can fight for the whole world. Not right now anyway. It's too big to fit inside my head, but this, this is something worth fighting for."

Misato looked over the city she called home. It had a lot of flaws, most of which was the result of a mass exodus being undergone. A migration of non-relevant personnel was taking place. Anyone who didn't work at Nerv, or directly support the people who did, were leaving the city. She hated to think what that was doing for the economy, but the truth was that it was better that they leave rather than die in one of the many battles which was to take place here.

They would be relocated to the East, and provide what support they could from there, but the burden of actually facing the Angel attacks would only rest on the shoulders of those who absolutely needed to be here. It was still too many souls to think about on a happy morning like this one.

"Well," Misato replied, "She ain't perfect, but who loves a gal without a few blemishes?"

Shinji agreed internally, finally rising to his feet.

"I'd better get going," He said, "I have to change and head to school."

Misato let out a half-hearted squeal, "My little Shinji is going to his first day!"

Shinji ignored her, his good mood unassailable at the moment. Getting changed quickly, he packed his lunch and a few supplies he thought he might need for class into a bag and headed out. Quickly consulting a map which Misato had provided him, he headed towards his first day of education. Shinji noted the section two sedan which drove by occasionally while he was walking, but decided not to worry about it.

His first stop was the office, where he signed several forms, was issued his school notebook, and was directed to his classroom. Still an hour early for class, Shinji took the time to give himself a tour of the school. Each hallway seemed like any other, but to him it was a glorious place. Just thinking of the number of people that would be here every day, filling the classrooms and chatting about their weekend… It was amazing to behold. The best part was, he was a part of it now.

When Shinji was younger he remembered looking enviously at the middle school in the small town where he lived when he was taken shopping. He would make up stories about the games other children would play. Now he would finally get the chance to be a part of it all. A combination of excitement and dread coiled up in his belly as he roamed the grounds.

Out behind the school was a track. As Shinji exited the main building to explore the grounds, he saw that there was a lone figure working his way around the loop. The dark haired youth was decked out in sweats, a clothing choice of sheer madness if continued any further past the current hour. The look on his face was grim, sweat pouring from his forehead as he pushed himself along. Shinji shrugged, deciding to step forward and introduce himself after the kid completed his next lap.

"I wouldn't do that." Someone behind him said.

Shinji spun, spotting a brown-haired, lanky, and heavily freckled individual sitting in the stands. He was busily tapping away at a notebook, but raised one hand long enough to gesture Shinji over. Shinji complied, taking a set beside the other student as the runner completed his next lap.

"Toji is working through something right now," The spectacled student explained, "If you get in his way he is liable to run you over rather than actually try dealing with you. Say, I don't recognize you, are you from a different class?"

Shinji shook his head, "No, I'm new."

The student's hands stopped, his eyes turning to regard Shinji closer. He stuck a hand out towards Shinji.

"Kensuke Aida," He introduced himself, "Class 1-A, president of the computer club… well, what passes for a computer club in this place. For such an advanced city, Tokyo-3 doesn't seem like it gives enough emphasis to computer science in schools."

Shinji shook the boy's hand. He felt an odd sense of affinity for the young man, as if he knew him from somewhere.

"What are you doing?" Shinji asked.

Kensuke swiveled his notebook towards Shinji, showing him a clip of the city, "I'm splicing together footage from cameras I've been placing around the city."

Shinji jumped as the Angel he had fought less than a week ago lumbered into view. A lance of purple energy slashing out, destroying a pair of VTOLs as they tried to harass it. A cold lump of ice formed inside Shinji's stomach as he watched.

"Those are Harrier class vertical take off and landing, VTOL, craft," Kensuke explained excitedly, "They're normally rated for maneuvers that would shame a pre-second impact aircraft to shame, but that creature just swatted them out of the sky as if they were standing still."

Shinji remembered watching that happen. He shivered, his mind traveling back to his first day in Tokyo-3. Kensuke failed to notice his reaction and continued.

"Look here!" he expounded, showing Shinji the N2 detonation, "Even that barely slowed it down. It took about two hours for the giant to completely regenerate, its face also changed. See how the beak is shorter on the second one?"

Shinji dug his fingernails into his palms. He remembered that face well. If he could have been stronger, better prepared, or just better in general, he could have saved his nii-san. Shinji's eyes took on a dull cast as he watched the brown haired _child_ exclaim over the data points and theories behind the purple titan that had engaged the Angel.

"You know people died right?" Shinji asked, his voice dull.

"What?" Kensuke asked, shaking himself from his reverie.

"People died that day," Shinji growled, pointing a finger at the notebook, "Those two Harriers… their pilots are never going home to their families. How many people were accidentally caught in the blast of that N2 mine?"

"I didn't-" Kensuke began, edging away from Shinji.

"How many people got hurt when I couldn't stop that thing from throwing me across the old city?!" Shinji yelled, "How many people died because I wasn't good enough?!"

Kensuke slowly closed his notebook, backing away until he realized what Shinji had said. With that epiphany, Kensuke froze in place, awe and fear fighting in his face. A new kid in town just after the attack. A kid who didn't react with interest at the thought of the giants which had just battled through the abandoned sector. A kid who blamed himself for what happened.

"You're-" Kensuke tried to get out.

"Oi! Kensuke!" Shouted the boy in the sweats, "Is that punk giving you problems?"

Kensuke turned to Toji, who had made his way onto the stands, and was cracking his knuckles one by one, eyes focused on Shinji.

"N-no!" Kensuke stuttered, his eyes alight we glee, "He's… Toji, he's the, the pilot of the giant robot!"

Toji's face went from threatening, to stone. He marched straight toward Shinji, whose combined anger and frustration drove him to his feet. Something rose up inside Shinji's heart, something deep, primal, and… purple? A flash of grinning, all too human appearing teeth beneath a purple mask dizzied Shinji for a moment, an incongruous hunger for blood coursing through his veins.

It was in that state of confusion that Toji struck. Hips turning into the blow, the tough young man laid a fist straight into Shinji's gut. Air whooshed from Shinji's lungs and he doubled over, thoughts of killing escaping with his precious oxygen. A follow up hammer blow to the upper back send him crashing into the bench, his head striking the wooden seat, sending stars dancing across his vision before one eye was covered in something sticky and warm.

When Shinji's vision and sense recovered enough, he was staring up at the grim face of the athlete.

"You hurt my sister with your toy you bastard." Toji ground out, then turned to walk away.

"What the crap Toji!" Kensuke yelled, "He just saved us all."

Toji paused, "If he can't take a single punch from something as puny as me, how can he expect to fight the monsters that are coming for us? We might as well lay down and die."

Shinji felt unbidden tears rise up through the haze of pain and confusion. The larger teens words were echoes of his own cynicism. The urge to curl up and cry was overwhelming, and would have taken him if not for the skinny pair of arms that started trying to haul him up.

"Come on new kid," He heard Kensuke gasp out, "At least help me out, we need to get you to the nurse. My sister always says that head wounds are no joke."

Shinji nodded fuzzily, doing his best to not actively fight against Kensuke's amateurish ministrations. Dizziness shot through his body when he stood up, and only Kensuke's efforts kept him upright. Together they made their way back to the main building as Shinji was tsked at by the school nurse, who quickly applied a pair of compression bandages above his right eye where the skin had been split by the blow. After checking him for concussion, she told him that he should get to class and stay there until school started.

Shinji agreed wholeheartedly, still feeling woozy from the experience, and stepped out of the nurse's room to find Kensuke waiting for him, Shinji's bag in hand.

"Look," Kensuke began, handing him the bag, "Toji isn't a bad guy. He's just mad at you for hurting his sister."

Shinji experimentally poked his forehead, feeling pain with every touch, "Him and me both."

"And…" Kensuke clenched a fist, "I know that people got hurt. But mecha are so awesome!"

Shinji groaned at the stars in the kid's eyes. Wanting nothing more than to lie down, he set off towards his classroom, Kensuke happily jabbering questions, and answers to those questions, as he followed along.

Classroom 1-A was situated at the end of a hallway. Kensuke bid him farewell at the mouth of said hallway, muttering something about checking on Toji, and took off, almost skipping with excitement. Shinji felt unsure about whether or not he wanted to see the lanky geek again. This day was going about as bad as it possibly could so far.

To his considerable surprise, due to the fact that he was still at least an hour early, he was not the first person in class. An industrious looking girl was bustling around the classroom with a broom, bumping desks aside with her hips and muttering occasionally as she worked. Shinji stood in the doorway watching her, entranced by the activity. He wondered if he too looked that lost to the world while he was cleaning. His frame of reference for menial chores accomplished by others was limited to say the least.

Sighing and wiping her head, the girl turned to head towards the trash can in the front of the room when she noticed Shinji. Letting out a startled yelp, she dropped the dustpan, sending a small cloud of dirt and debris skittering off of her skirt and onto the floor, the pan itself hitting the ground with a cacophonous clanging. Moving instinctively, Shinji crossed the room with alacrity, snatching up the pan and brush. Undoing the damage he had done, he disposed of the garbage and placed himself in front of the girl. Bowing deeply he proffered the tools.

"I apologize for startling you miss." He said, "I did not realize anyone else would be here at this time in the morning."

He felt her take the tools from him and he straightened.

"I don't recognize you senpai," She said, "What brings you to the junior class 1-A?"

Shinji was startled. She thought he was an upper classman.

"I'm not your s-senpai miss," He replied, bowing again, "I'm a new transfer student, Shinji Akari, I just moved to Tokyo-3."

She cocked her head to the side, "Strange, I wasn't told that there would be someone new in the class."

Shinji shrugged, "I moved here suddenly due to family reasons. I think my registration was handled over the long weekend after the… attack."

The girl nodded, then bowed slightly, "Well Ikari-san, allow me to be the first to welcome you to our class. My name is Hikari Horaki, class representative of Ishida High junior class 1-A."

They both stood there, looking at each other. Shinji realized that he was probably supposed to say something, given the expectant look on her face. Searching his thoughts, he realized he did not understand something.

"What is a class representative?"

XXXXXX

Shinji quickly agreed to help Hikari finish preparing the room in exchange for assistance in navigating his first day at a public school.

"I've heard of places where they hold classes all in one building," Hikari said, "But it sounds like you were intentionally kept out of school by your father."

She eyed him up and down, "You're not a delinquent are you?"

"N-no!" Shinji yelped, reminded suddenly of the bruise and cut which adorned the right side of his forehead, "I just had an accident out on the bleachers while talking to Aida-san."

Hikari narrowed her eyes, "Was Toji with him?"

"_Scary"_ Shinji thought.

"Y-yes," He quickly confirmed, "He was running laps on the track."

"_At first anyway, then he gave me this"_ Shinji added mentally.

Hikari shook her head angrily, "He was supposed to be here helping me! I messaged him yesterday about coming in, that lazy no good-!"

Shinji stepped over to the freckled girl and gently pushed down the fist which she had been attempting to raise. She looked him in surprise, her cheeks coloring slightly at the touch.

"Aida-san told me that his sister was hurt in the attack," He said quietly, "I… I think he was running away from his pain."

_Don't run away from pain Shinji, you must face it, or it will catch and consume you._

Hikari looked at him _"Such a serious face…"_

Shinji realized she was reading into his dark mood and put on a shy smile, "Besides, I'm here to help Horaki-san. I won't let you down."

Hikari blushed slightly at that, made something between a grunt and a snort, and broke free from his touch to continue working. With a combination of their efforts the room was swiftly prepared for the day. The cleaning supplies put away, Shinji dusted off his hands and turned to the class representative.

"You'll need a place to sit," Hikari said, "With all the transfers in and out occurring right now I'm not certain as to where exactly you will fit. I could try to find the seating chart or…"

Shinji raised his eyebrows, encouraging her to continue.

"The seat next to mine is empty right now." She concluded, looking at him warily.

Shinji was surprised. He had thought he would have to settle for something in the back. The front row would give him the best opportunity to keep up with lessons and ask questions.

"_Can't fall behind, won't fall behind" _A little voice in his head whispered, _"Sensei says that bad boys don't do their lessons. Bad boys must be punished. Stay ahead of the game, stay ahead of the pack."_

The chanting in his head was interrupted as Shinji wrestled the terrified boy back into his box. Noting the crestfallen look of Hikari's face, he realized that he may have been wrestling with himself in real time.

"-wouldn't want to be seen as overly eager," She continued, "I'll see if I can find you somewhere in the back, perhaps next to Toji?"

"No!" He yelped, his decision made instantly, "I would be honored to stand, er, sit by your side Horaki-san. As I said, I'm new to this, and I hope that you will be my senpai until I can get my feet under me."

She flushed brightly, "I'm not your senpai Ikari-san, I-"

Shinji cut her off by taking one of her hands in his and holding it before him as if he were a supplicant, "Yes you are Horaki-senpai. There is so much that I don't understand and I need help. Will you help me until I can stand on my own two feet?"

Hikari retrieved her hand, clasping it with her other and looking anywhere but at Shinji's earnest gaze. Coming from anybody else she would have assumed that he was trying to soften her up so he could ask a favor or make an indecent proposal. The problem was he spoke, and acted, like he was completely honest. It had been a long time since any boy, or many girls for that matter, had spoken to her the way that Shinji did just now.

Hikari had been the class representative for years. After winning the first vote, she became the de facto choice every year thereafter, those who transferred in were quickly converted to the class consensus. After so much time in the same role Hikari wasn't so much the class representative as the class mascot. She had gotten tired of the less than honorary title in the past years as her fellow students respect slowly morphed into the ugly beast of resentment. She had tried for so long to fulfill her duties to the best of her abilities, but time had shown that the teens around her weren't interested in what she had to offer.

To have someone take her seriously without having to be threatened with physical violence… Hikari felt the seeds of something quicken inside her chest at the idea of somebody respecting her again.

"Of course Ikari-san," She replied, "Until you can stand on your own I will be your senpai."

Shinji smiled gratefully, "Thank you Horaki-senpai, will you point me to my seat?"

Hikari quickly had him set up and was assisting him in downloading the current study material when Toji sauntered into the room.

"Class rep." He muttered, bumping Shinji heavily as he passed.

Shinji wanted to glare at the bigger teen as he passed, but instead settled on flagellating himself internally for being a failure at piloting Evangelion. That negativity, which would have destroyed a Shinji in another universe, instead caused several ideas to flourish in his mind. Time would only tell if his plans would bear fruit, but for now he was willing to accept his failure and try to move forward.

Students filtered in quickly, many of whom threw Shinji inquisitive looks. He assumed that it was because of his new status. The truth of the matter was that people were wondering why he had been placed next to the class representative. It was a position that no self-respecting student would want to be placed in, especially if Hikari was in one of her moods. Most wrote it off as bad luck for the new kid and thanked their own lucky stars that he had not been given one of their seats in order to make room.

"Rise!"

Shinji yelped, bashing his knees against his desk in his effort to scramble to his feet.

"Bow!"

Years of conditioning drove Shinji into a ninety degree angle. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hikari desperately wave him down. He quickly sat, hearing whispers behind his back, causing a flush to rise to his cheeks. The teacher was eyeing him, trying to decide whether the new student was exceptionally respectful to his instructors, or uniquely brazen in his rudeness. Withholding judgement, he gestured for Shinji to stand and approach.

Shinji stood up, the pain in his knees not inconsiderable, but bearable in the presence of an instructor if required to stand.

"Class," The teacher addressed them, "This is our new transfer student Shinji Ikari."

Shinji bowed to the curious, bored, dismissive, and humored faces before him, "I hope to get along with all of you."

"Yes, yes," The teacher said, "Back to your seat Ikari-kun. Today we will begin with mathematics, open to lesson 48 an-"

Shinji found his seat again, opening the appropriate lesson and staring. Confused, he looked over at Hikari's screen, but he saw the same thing, and her encouraging look let him know he was in the right place.

"_It's so simple though… Introduction to calculus using limits?"_ He wondered, _"I learned this years ago."_

Nevertheless, he dutifully followed along. The first time the instructor asked a question the room fell silent. Glancing over at Hikari, Shinji saw her furiously typing something, then working out the problem on some paper she kept on hand. Shinji risked a glance to the left and then back, showing him other students who were diligently working out the problem, along with others who simply stared out the window, looked bored, or in Toji's case, took a nap.

The teacher looked on serenely, exercising patience until Shinji nervously raised his hand. The teacher gave him a quizzical look and was surprised when Shinji gave the correct answer. When asked to show his work, Shinji nervously complied, circling the answer at the end and moving back to his seat, eyes downcast.

"_Now you've rushed ahead too far!" _The little boy whined, _"Sensei says that the only thing worse than stupid boys are stupid and clever boys. He says that they think they can get the best of their sensei by reading ahead. You are so disrespectful!"_

Shinji shuddered and began wrestling with his inner self. Once safely locked away, he glanced over at Hikari, whose questioning look was replaced by a bright smile and a thumbs up. She went back to her studies and Shinji returned to his.

Class continued in the same vein, math turning to science, eventually turning to literacy. It was all simple to Shinji, but he knew that disrespecting his sensei would only bring trouble. He kept his head down, answering only when nobody else seemed able to, or was unwilling to give the correct solution.

When the lunch bell rang Shinji held his position while the stream of humanity made their way to the door. Glancing over at Hikari, he noticed that she too waited, although she had her gaze sharpened to razors, and was glaring daggers at Toji. The tall young man sauntered past, bumping Shinji again, a little harder this time.

Hikari was up in a flash, finger pressed up against Toji's sternum like a knife.

"Toji Suzuhara," She barked, driving her point home with her finger, "You will apologize immediately for this uncouth behavior!"

Shinji stumbled to his feet as well, preparing to intervene when things turned violent. Instead of the expected strike Shinji had foreseen, Toji lowered his head meekly and muttered something. Hikari grabbed his collar and yanked him down to her level.

"Not to me you lout!" She growled, then pointed at Shinji, "To him. I have witnessed you strike him twice already. I know a love tap when I see one, and there was neither love nor tap in that display."

Toji's eyes burned with fettered rage as he looked into Shinji's eyes, and Shinji felt his own gaze fill with sadness as he locked eyes with the young man. Hikari gave him a slight shake, only for Toji to push her back, causing her to stumble into her desk.

"I won't," He snarled, "Not to him!"

With that, he stalked out of the room, leaving Hikari staring after him open-mouthed. Shinji went to her.

"Are you okay Hokari-senpai?" He asked, "I apologize for what he did to you."

Hikari shook herself as if she had not seen his approach. Broken from her shock, her eyes blazed with greater fury.

"When I get my hands on him…" She growled, her fists tightening into small clubs.

"Please don't," Shinji pleaded, "What exists between us two is between Toji and I. I don't want you to get hurt because he is angry."

The fearful lance of her finger prodded Shinji in the chest, driving him back a step, "Don't you tell me where my business is Shinji. I am the class representative and by your own request, your senpai. You have placed yourself in my hands and are now my responsibility."

Hikari grabbed his hand, no longer the self-conscious girl that he had met earlier that morning and dragged him off. She made her way to an isolated tree on the school grounds under which sat a bench. She pushed him into it and stood in front of him.

"What happened?" She demanded, "Toji is clearly mad at you, and you've been here for a grand total of five hours."

Shinji shrunk, the gibbering desire to obey rising up in him. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

"_Nii-san, what do I do?"_ He plead.

The voice in his mind didn't respond, but the lessons of the past did.

XXXXXX

The dream field was a rocky landscape today, and nii-san had been teaching Shinji how to roll with a punch and make it look like you were more hurt than you were. The beatings had been getting worse of late as Shinji struggled with his lessons. Nii-san was doing what he could to address both issues.

They both sat on the ground in the lotus position, Shinji facing his nii-san, breathing heavily from exertion.

"Before we continue I want to speak to you about trust Shinji." The old man said.

Shinji smiled a shy smile, "I trust you nii-san."

The old man shook his head, but smiled in return, "Not me Shinji. It is good that you trust your nii-san, because I will never actively seek to hurt you. Instead, I want to talk with you about building trust with other people."

Shinji's blood went cold, "S-sensei?"

Nii-san shook his head, "Never trust that man Shinji, he is filled with lies and hate. He claims to be what he is out of duty, but the truth is he loves to watch others hurt, it fills something deep and hungry inside of him."

Shinji shivered, prompting his nii-san to place a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Someday you will be among people other than myself and your sensei, like the nice lady at the grocery store." The old man explained, "Every relationship will hit a critical mass, it may occur almost instantly, or it may take years to develop, but it will always happen. A tipping point at which you can either trust them, sharing with them a part of yourself and believing that they will not take advantage of you, or you can push them away, keeping your inner self hidden and staying safe."

"The truth is, such safety is a lie," the old man emphasized his point by slapping his own thigh, "If you spend your life pushing people away because you are afraid that they might see who you truly are, that they might behold your weaknesses and your pains and run, then you will live a lonely life indeed. It is better to be seen as weak, but have friends to cover those weaknesses, than to be seen as strong, but have secret weaknesses that enemies can exploit."

"You have the power to judge in yourself Shinji," the old man said, tapping his forehead, "Trust in what I have taught you, and whenever there is the slightest hope of success, choose to trust in those around you. If you expect more of people, they may surprise you when they rise to the heights that you lay before them."

XXXXXX

"_I trust you nii-san… and I miss you." _Shinji thought, _"I trust Misato, and I think I trust Rei. I'll… I'll try to trust Horaki-senpai."_

In the moments where Shinji had closed his eyes, Hikari had grown impatient. She was about to lay into him when he opened his eyes and patted the bench beside himself, refusing to meet her gaze. Like a safety valve opening up on a steam engine, Hikari's anger whistled out of her with an exhaled breath, and she sagged into the seat beside him.

"_Stupid Toji," _She grumbled internally, _"This is all his fault. The nerve of that man! How dare he lay his hands on me. When I see him next…"_

"Horaki-senpai," Shinji began, "What do you know about the purple giant that fought three days ago?"

She looked at him quizzically, "I know the rumors. It's a giant robot, a mecha I think Kensuke called it, and it fought the monster that attacked the city. There's been some bad footage posted on the Magi-net, but it usually goes down in short order due to censorship. There are also rumors that there are more coming, which is the reason for all of the recent emergency drills."

Shinji nodded, "It is a giant robot, I think that's all that I can tell you right now. The truth is, I came to Tokyo-3 because I am the pilot of that robot. The reason why Suzuhara-san is angry at me is because I failed in my duty and let his sister get hurt. I don't know any of the circumstances, but seeing as how I was the one fighting, I am at least partially responsible.

Hikari stared at him. He was such an unassuming person, black hair and blue eyes, thin and maybe just a little taller than her. There was no way that this mild mannered child… no, the brittle hardness in his eyes made him a man, could be the pilot of the thing that had demolished several blocks of abandoned buildings.

"I…" She muttered, "That's a lot to take in. To be honest, I don't know if I believe you."

Rather than continue, he simply met her gaze, willing the truth of his words to resonate with his eyes. Hikari looked into the blue orbs and felt doubt slide away.

"What is it like?" She asked wonderingly.

Shinji shivered, "It's life beyond imagining. You feel… powerful. When I link with my Eva I feel as though I have become a part of something mightier than the metal which armors it."

He dropped his eyes, "It's also terrifying beyond reason. To face an opponent who feels nothing for you, at least nothing that you can understand. To have it hurt you because you're too weak. To have it hurt others because you can't fight… I thought I was going to die!"

Tears dripped onto Shinji's pants as he squeezed his eyes closed, "I want to go back in Hikari, but I'm so afraid of what comes next. I won last time, and it cost me someone I loved dearly. What happens now that there is no one to stand between me and my failures?"

Hikari looked at the broken man before her and her own heart broke. An adult would have been terrified of the thing he had faced, and this brave young man had faced it rather than allow it to kill everyone.

"I should just quit so that someone else ca-" Shinji began.

Hikari placed a finger on his lips and tilted his chin up so that he would look at her. A handkerchief dabbed the tears from his eyes and she spoke.

"We owe you our lives Shinji," She said, "And if Toji can't see that then I will make him."

Shinji shook his head, "No Horaki-senpai, this is between me and him, he can hate me if he wants, but I will do everything in my power to make him se-"

"No!" Hikari cut off his words with her own sharper one, "Shinji-kun, you fought a battle less than a week ago that no one here could have. I don't have the ability to pilot a giant robot against the monsters that are coming, but I can fight block-headed idiots here in school for you."

She stood up, putting away her handkerchief, "You leave Toji-baka to me, and I'll leave the monsters to you."

Shinji watched in stunned silence as the fiery brunette stormed off onto the school grounds in search of her prey.

XXXXXX

The rest of the school day passed quickly. Shinji found himself leaps and bounds ahead of most of the material, except for history, which seemed to focus solely on the year leading up to, and the sixteen years since the first impact occurred. Names like the "United Eastern Asian Federation" and the "Trans-Siberian Alliance" were passed around. Dozens of nation-states, countries, and pacts were forged, and broken, in a matter of decades. The dying time directly after the meteorite impact, and the almost miraculous recovery that took place in select countries after the fact.

The history, which most students considered dry, had Shinji riveted. He took copious notes and spent the entirety of free period cross-referencing and researching some of the names mentioned. While he was performing such a search his pocket buzzed. Startled, he pulled out his phone and checked it, a message from Misato.

The much tamer picture, a selfie which he had taken with Misato at her insistence, showed her making a V over his head and sticking out her tongue, while he smiled sardonically. The picture made him smile, and he pulled open the message.

_You're needed at HQ after school today for some medical stuff and more paperwork. Ritsuko said something about a horse needle… Section 2 will pick you up after school. It should take a couple hours, but you can visit your girlfriend afterwards, I'll take you myself if I have to._

_Kisses! XOXO_

"You have a girlfriend?" Hikari asked from over his shoulder.

Shinji jumped slamming his knees into the underside of his desk again. He groaned and rubbed the abused appendages.

"Misato is just teasing," He ground out, "Rei is my friend, and she's sick right now."

Hikari's eyes widened, "Rei Ayanami?"

Several conversations around them stopped dead.

"You're friends with Rei Ayanami?" Hikari asked.

"Why is everyone looking at me like that?" He asked, beginning to feel uncomfortable, "We were in hospital together after the attack and we… we have something in common."

He gave Hikari a significant look, and she nodded understanding, although her amazement at his blasé statement remained ungalvanized.

"I didn't even know Ayanami-san could talk!" A girl behind him protested, "How did you get her to even acknowledge your existence?"

Shinji gave a laugh and scratched his head, "Well, she has a broken leg, so I think the phrase 'captive audience' may have been a part of it."

Dead silence for a moment, then the group around him burst into laughter. Suddenly, Hikari wasn't the only person talking to him, and the first day of school had taken a complete 180.

For now at least, it was good to be Shinji Ikari.

XXXXXX

After school Toji rushed past Shinji, being very careful not to touch him, but also not looking his way. Shinji thought he caught a look of satisfaction in Hikari's eyes before she stood up herself, not to leave, but to make sure that everything was in order after the others left. Shinji lingered until it was the two of them, outlasting Kensuke, who tried to look busy for so long that Shinji was worried he had actually lost something.

When the geeky brunette was gone Hikari raised her arms above her head, stretching out stiff muscles and sighing with relief. Shinji carefully looked away when she did so, even though he felt sure she hadn't intended anything other than pain relief from it.

"I have a few things to take care of here before I go," Hikari told him, "You can stay and help if you would like."

Shinji shook his head, "Sorry Horaki-senpai, I'm needed at work."

Her eyes widened for a moment, moving quickly to the windows.

"Not that!" Shinji yelped, raising his hands for calm, "Just some tests I think. Misato wasn't very specific."

Hikari relaxed visibly, "One less thing to worry about."

Shinji nodded in agreement, "Yeah."

"Okay then, see you tomorrow." She said, packing up her belongings.

"Would you mind terribly if I joined you again tomorrow morning?" He asked.

A smile bolstered by relief and gratitude warmed him, "I think I would like that Shinji-kun."

He felt strangely fuzzy when she said his name like that, and that feeling buoyed him all the way to the black sedan where his minders waited.

"Any trouble in there Purple?" Asked the woman who opened his door, gesturing at his head.

Shinji shook his head, "No, not any more in any case."

She nodded somberly and closed his door.

As they sped along the route to Nerv headquarters Shinji decided to implement one of the plans which had formed in his head while he was at school.

"Can you teach me to fight?" He asked suddenly.

The two agents looked at each other for a moment, then the passenger twisted around to face him.

"Kid, if somebody at school is giving you trouble you should go to your principal," She said, "He's under strict orders to tolerate absolutely no threats to your safety."

Shinji shook his head, "No, not to fight people."

The agent watched him for a moment before realizing what he was talking about, "You want to be able to fight the BMFs better."

"The what?" He asked.

She grinned, "It's what the military calls those Angels you fight, Big Mother Fu-"

"Language." Her partner reminded.

"He's a sixteen year old, not a baby." Grumped the first agent, her red hair bobbing.

"It's not for him and you know it." Her white haired partner responded, cocking her head to the side, "It's for your own bloody kids."

The redhead growled, then turned back to Shinji, "Look kid, in the interests of maintaining a professional distance we can't."

"Distance?" Shinji asked.

"It's like this," She explained, "Lets say that somebody decides that its your fault that his sister died and gets it into his head to hurt you."

A little too close to the truth in Shinji's opinion, but he nodded anyway.

"If Noble-2 or I take a round from said maniac getting you to safety, we need you to have as little connection to us as possible," She said, "Because the hard truth is that either one of us will beat you over the head and drag you away rather than let you go back and save our partner. It's the job. You protect the world, we protect you."

Shinji felt cold nausea sweep over him, "I would never let either of you get hurt."

"Uh-uh," the redhead answered, "You can and will let me die if it means saving your life. Like it or not, your life is worth more than either of us. Hell, its worth more than the combined personnel of Noble team, or even Section 2 itself."

"But how can I stand by and let it happen?" He protested, feeling more tears spring to his eyes.

"Because kid," The woman he was coming to think of as Red said, "The next time one of those giants comes rolling through town, my pea shooter won't be worth a snowball in hell. If you die to save me because some punk let his emotions get the better of him, then we're all screwed."

She reached back awkwardly and patted his cheek, "We're just cogs in the machine kid, all of us. You just happen to be the biggest cog around. You ask any member of your detail and they'll tell you that they're proud to be a member of Noble team."

Shinji lowered his head, feeling despair wash over him.

"Hey kid."

Shinji looked up and Red spoke, "My sister and I were taken by one of the warlords who sprung up after the second impact happened. She was raped to death by his men and I… well, there's a reason why I'm so good at killing these days. As far as I'm concerned, I've been dead for the past ten years, just haven't figured out how to lie down and let it happen. Never was good at that."

"I've embraced death kid," She explained, "Nobody can take that away from me, not even you. If I tell you to run you run, if I say hide, I expect you to disappear. If you have to watch someone torture me to death while you cower inside a closet I expect you to do it, because I don't fully understand what will happen if the BMFs win, but if they bring back a post second impact world, it will be over my stinking, possibly still cussing, corpse. While you're out of the Eva, your job is to stay alive, and its our job to spend ourselves to make sure you stay that way."

"As for your request," She continued, "I'll set something up with Kraken team, those losers have plenty of time on their hands right now."

"Kraken?" Shinji asked.

She smiled, "Who do you think takes care of Blue?"

An image of a red eyed girl flashed through his head and Shinji smiled, "Section two likes colors, don't you?"

Red grinned at him.

After arriving at Nerv, Shinji was hustled down through the complex to a large blast door. After tapping the call button several times his minders took up guard positions and the doors began to open, revealing the figure of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. Shinji felt a sense of trepidation at the analytical gaze she turned on him. He could feel her weighing and discarding her own thoughts, reaching conclusions which would drastically alter the course of his life.

"Hello Shinji," She said, "Let's get started shall we?"


	5. Connections

Better Angels

Chapter 5

Connections

"Sir," Sub-commander Fuyutski said, "There is going to be a riot if we don't do something."

Gendo Ikari flexed the muscles of his interlaced fingers, the only indication that he was outwardly feeling the storm of rage and frustration which swirled inside of him.

"What are they protesting exactly?" He asked.

"Sir, they want to stay." Fuyutski replied.

Gendo snorted, "Is that all?"

"Commander, if they remain here then the civilian casualty rate will only rise. Even with shelters for the entire population, the death toll of the last attack was well over fifty." Fuyutski protested.

Gendo unlaced his fingers, regarding the feeds before him showing shouting groups of people.

"Tell me sub-commander, do you know what drives people?" Gendo asked.

Fuyutski straightened, "Their regard for one another."

Gendo chuckled, "No Fuyutski, the thing which drives people the most is pure stubbornness. We tell them to evacuate for their own good, and they refuse. Not because they are particularly attached to Tokyo-3, but because they are so full of pride and fear that the idea of change is more terrifying than an Angel attack."

"So they die for stubbornness?" Fuyutski challenged.

Gendo placed his hands behind his back, "Of course sub-commander. Oh, people will leave of their own accord after the death toll jumps into the hundreds, but I think that we can safely say that as long as there are two bricks left standing on this ground, there will be someone to argue with about whether or not they should just cut their losses. Rescind the evacuation order."

Fuyutski stiffened, "Yes sir."

"_But I'm not rescinding the relocation program incentives"_ The old professor thought glumly, _"This much I can fight you on"_

"Don't look so angry sub-commander," Gendo said noticing his subordinate's mood, "Either we could kill them now trying to disperse this mob, or let the Angels do so when something occurs that is beyond our control. In either case, they will die. This way we keep our hands clean, and we are allowed to get some use out of them before that end."

Gendo turned, striding towards the communications center, "Now go, I have to explain to the government why we are unable to comply with their request to protect civilian life."

Fuyutski sighed and turned to leave himself. The man sometimes felt the weight of every single one of his years.

XXXXXX

Shinji was not having a good time.

The first thing Ritsuko did was have him strip down to his underwear so she could perform a full physical examination. Shinji blushed and protested, but the blond scientist overrode his concerns.

"Shinji," She said, "I have seen more men and women naked in the past three years than you will probably ever see in your life. My only interest in your body is academic, even then, I do not expect to find anything noteworthy on this examination. It is a baseline that I can plug into the computer for some of the more advanced tests we will be running today."

Shinji's blush failed to abate, "But it's…"

Ritsuko waited for him to continue, but he was at a loss for words.

"Misato tells me that you've developed a relationship of some kind with one of the shift nurses in the pilot's ward," She offered, "I could have her come handle the physical details of this examination."

Shinji flushed harder, his face almost turning purple, "N-no! Just… Okay, I'll do it."

Ritsuko smirked inwardly, teenage boys were so predictable. The only thing worse than being naked in front of a woman who wasn't ready to do the deed, was being naked in front of an attractive young lady with whom you were acquainted, also sans the desire to complete the process. Still, she felt the need to ease his awkwardness somewhat.

"I'll make this part quick." She promised, "because we have several other things to get through before we get to the main event."

Shinji, now clad only in his underwear, underwent a series of motions first as Ritsuko watched him like a hawk, taking careful notes. Then, as efficient as a robot, she worked him over with her hands, leaving almost no area untouched or unseen. It was over in minutes, and she directed him to dress while she entered a series of measurements into the computer.

"How have you been eating?" She asked.

Shinji, his confidence restored with his clothes, shrugged, "I had a good breakfast… other than that I've been too busy bouncing from one place to another to get anything really good."

Ritsuko nodded, "How about before this?"

He assumed that she meant before coming to Tokyo-3, and obliging her, he shared a healthy, if not extravagant, diet of which he was the main preparer. Ritsuko made some more notes, then nodded to herself before looking him in the eyes.

"I'll have to draw some blood to be sure, but I think your body is in starvation." She explained.

Shinji stared, "But I just old you that I eat enough."

She nodded, "That's true, or would be if you were a normal sixteen year old boy. It's something we've noticed with Rei ever since her first Evangelion synchronization. Although the causes are not entirely understood, we've found that her, and now your, basal metabolic rates have almost doubled."

Shinji's stomach groaned at that, and Ritsuko smiled, "I'll take you down to the cafeteria before we move on to the last test."

Ritsuko took samples of everything. Well, not _everything_, but almost everything. Then she put him inside an MRI and ran a scan of his entire body. Lastly, she put him in a body scanner so that they could fabricate something called a 'plug suit,' which she told him he would be wearing when he piloted his Evangelion. Shinji thanked whatever spirit was watching over him, as the clothes he had been wearing when he had piloted Unit-01 the first time constantly smelled of the vile liquid in which he was bathed.

As they traveled to the cafeteria, Ritsuko filled him in on her findings.

"By all appearances you're a healthy young man Shinji." She concluded, "Although I would like to have that cut on your head stitched up, otherwise it will scar."

Shinji prodded the wound in question, feeling only a minor stab of pain for his curiousity.

"How did you get it?" She asked.

"Fell over." He replied reflexively.

Ritsuko half missed a step, then caught up with him, "Is that so?"

"_Don't let them see that you're hurt."_ The voice in his head whispered, _"It's only going to make things worse. If Sensei finds out that someone knows…"_

Shinji blinked away his temporary trance, realizing that he and Ritsuko had stopped. He glanced over at her, and realized she was taking notes.

"How often do you lose moments?" She asked.

"I-I don't!" he stuttered angrily, "I was just thinking."

"Mmm-hmmm," Ritsuko agreed, making another note on her chart.

Shinji suddenly felt himself grow hot with anger. Clenching his fists, he quickly tried to outpace the blond doctor.

"Cafeteria's right here." She called after him.

Shinji felt his angry flush fall to an embarrassed one, and he slowly worked his way back to the scientist. Her eyes were not unkind when he got back to her and they entered the cafeteria, somehow making the situation worse. Ritsuko bought him more food than he thought he could possibly eat, until he was almost done with it. She got herself a coffee and simply sat across from him, waiting for his ravenous appetite to be filled. As he finished she made another notation on her clipboard and checked her phone, nodding to herself at the message.

"Should be ready by now," She said absently, standing up, "Let's head back to the lab Shinji, just one more test."

"You're not going to poke me with that horse needle are you?" Shinji asked with trepidation.

Ritusko raised an eyebrow at him as they walked, then laughed, "I see that Misato still hasn't lost her sense of humor. Nothing nearly that bad, we're just going to run a synchronization test."

"So I need to get in the Eva again?" He asked.

Ritsuko nodded, "It won't be for long, and we won't actually be asking you to move around or anything, I just need to collect some more data on how well you're synchronizing with Unit-01."

Shinji nodded, falling silent as they walked. When they arrived at the lab, Ritsuko left Shinji in the main lab area while she went to check on the progress of his suit. Gazing idly around, Shinji noticed a set of complex equations chalked across a blackboard. He idly wandered over, reading the calculus with a trained eye, then pausing. He reached for the piece of chalk at the base of the board and-

"Hey!" Ritsuko yelled, "What are you doing?"

Shinji yelped, jumping back, "I-I'm sorry!"

Ritsuko glared at him, the board, then snatched the piece of chalk from his hand.

"I've been working on this for over a week Shinji," She said, "Don't you know that you shouldn't mess with equations in someone else's laboratory?"

Shinji quirked his head at that, "No… But I noticed that this part is wrong."

Ritsuko looked like she was about to lay into him until she noticed that he was pointing at a part of the large equation. She looked as well, raised an eyebrow at Shinji, then handed him the chalk.

"Show me." She commanded.

Shinji stepped up to the board, erasing the offending part with his hand and quickly jotted in the replacement that he thought should go there. Ritsuko didn't respond when he turned back to her, her own eyes gazing over the problem like a hawk. Without a word, she took up another piece of chalk and scribbled in some more notations, then beamed iridescently.

"You were right!" She crowed, "Over forty hours with this mess, and its finally over! I could kiss you Shinji-kun."

"Eh-heh." Shinji chuckled, _"Please don't"_

An undescribed tenseness which had had the doctor wound tight since he had arrived seemed to uncoil. There were no obvious signs of relief, but her shoulders seemed a little less drawn, and he feet were planted just a little farther apart, giving her a more relaxed pose.

She turned to face him with a smile, "Misato said that you knew how to treat a girl right, but this… Are you sure you aren't hiding a degree in theoretical physics in there somewhere?"

Shinji smiled uncomfortably, physics being one of the subjects that he genuinely liked, "No Akagi-san, it's just me, boring little Shinji."

"I doubt that," She scoffed, "Something tells me that there's more to you than meets the eye."

Shinji shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. Ritsuko took pity on his, tossing him a plastic package filled with a body suit. He glanced at it curiously before the blond hustled him off to the small changing room to get into it. The white and blue coverall was baggy, leaving Shinji wondering whether or not it would simply float off of him in the slick stuff which they filled his plug.

"_LCL"_ He corrected himself internally, _"It's LCL, and it… It tastes like blood, old blood."_

He shivered at the memory of inhaling the stuff, feeling its slickness sweep down into his lungs and filling them. The only thing he could compare it to was the one time he had picked up a slug in the garden as a child. The slippery ooze had clung to his fingers no matter how hard he wiped them on the grass. When he finally got inside to clean his hands, the stickiness of the dried stuff had almost kept his child's strength from pulling them apart.

"Everything alright?" Ritsuko called.

Shinji jumped, "O-on my way!"

He stepped out and saw Ritsuko cover a small giggle as she beheld his outfit. Shinji felt a mild flash of annoyance at the woman. It was her stupid machine which had made this ill-fitting garment! Before he could say as such, the doctor stepped forward, taking his wrist and depressing a switch on the underside. With the sound of expelled air, the suit pulled itself against his skin, all of his skin. Shinji yelped again at the sudden pressure all over, especially on certain areas.

"My apologies," Ritsuko said, the laughter in her eyes making it a lie, "Rei is already acquainted with the procedures, and working with such a small sample size has made me take it for granted that others wouldn't know how to operate the plugsuit properly."

Shinji tried to curl up while remaining standing, "Do I really have to wear this? It's so… indecent!"

Ritsuko shrugged, "I guess you could do it naked."

Shinji quickly agreed that the plugsuit was in fact okay, and was soon seated inside the entry plug to his Evangelion. As the LCL flowed up and around him he closed his eyes. With an effort of will he preventing himself from vomiting his rather large lunch out when he took in his first breath of the fetid stuff, relaxing as he became used to the sensation.

"You're doing great Shinji," Someone called through the channel.

Shinji's eyes opened, "Hello?"

A small laugh, "Sorry, Ritsuko had to do something with her mega-death equation. The name's Maya Ibuki, I'm Ritsuko's deputy."

"Ibuki-san," He murmured, "I recognize your voice from somewhere…"

A small screen came to life, showing a woman with short, dark hair, "I monitor your vitals and deploy your armor's secondary functions."

"My knife." He said quietly.

"You betcha Shinji-kun." She replied, "I'm going to be bringing up the interface right now, make sure that A-10 is snug and give me a thumbs up when you're ready."

Shinji adjusted the headband and nodded, giving her the sign. Maya's return smile was genuine, and her picture winked out.

"Initiating synchronization," She called over the circuit, "Just do what you did the other night Shinji."

Shinji closed his eyes as the cascade of light flowed across the plug's interior. He set himself adrift in his internal sea, feeling the waves of reality lapping around him, buoying him up as he lay there alone. Strangely enough, he felt that there was something else in that space, something just beyond vision, but close enough to touch. Before he could try reaching for it, he felt the growing presence of his Evangelion as it awoke from whatever slumber held it in thrall.

Shinji reached out to the light tentatively. The light seemed to sense his presence, and it slowly edged towards him. He felt the lightest touch, and the wave of familiarity which echoed through him was consumed in a moment by a rush of excitement and… Oneness.

Shinji felt the pitiful restraints again, his muscles bound by plates of alloy. These foolish little creatures wanted to cage him, but he was mightier than the cunning contrivances of these small mortals. His head turned, surveying the massive cavern in which he was kept. He felt a deep hunger in himself, something was missing from his body. There was a trickle of that missing something being pulled into himself through a wound these creatures had made on his back, but it was only a small part of the potential to which he could rise. If only he could find his missing part!

Shinji heard something like the dull buzzing of gnats. Somebody was… yelling?

Vertigo rocking his world as Shinji felt himself slam back into his own body, a deep gasp bringing in another hit of the slippery LCL.

"-Shinji! Respond!" Someone yelled, "Pull back Shinji, your ratio is over one hundred again!"

"I'm trying to cut the leads, but its not responding again." He heard Maya call out.

"I'm getting a negative on emergency ejection." Another voice replied.

Shinji groaned, holding his head, "I'm here."

The connection went quiet, then the voice of Misato came over the channel, "Are you alright Shinji?"

Shinji shook his head, a thumping headache threatening to spread through his brain, "I don't know."

"Synch ratio is stabilizing at 67% again Akagi-san." Maya called in the background.

"Can you initiate your plug ejection sequence from inside Shinji?" Ritsuko asked.

Shinji looked around himself, "I uh… don't see any buttons or anything."

"Right," Ritsuko chided herself, "With your scores I keep forgetting that you are new to all of this. There should be a small light to your left on the wall, just tap it once to bring up the interface and punch in this code."

She held up a piece of paper in front of the screen that appeared. Shinji complied with the request, feeling his headache grow dim as time passed. The feeling of motion up and back was followed by the slow draining of LCL from around him. When it dropped below his mouth Shinji gave a shuddering cough, spewing the stuff from his lungs. With that first bit gone, his body realized that there was something other than air in his lungs and sent him into a coughing fit.

"Easy Shinji," Misato soothed, "Just get it all out, we've got medics on the way to check you out."

Shinji just shuddered and moaned.

His entry plug opened to reveal a woman, who reached down to pull him out. Careful to avoid slipping, she helped him to the floor and got him to lay on a stretcher that they had brought with them. In all honesty, Shinji was feeling much better, despite the fact that his lungs still felt half-full of the vile liquid in which he had been immersed. The medical corps was not taking any chances though.

The woman flashed a light in his eyes and asked him a series of questions before nodding to the two stretcher bearers, who took him back to Dr. Akagi's lab, where he was placed on an examination table, LCL dripping onto the faux leather surface and sliding to the floor. The blond doctor and a violet haired captain entered the room.

"-Telling you that he's not going back in there until the next Angel appears." Misato growled.

"But look at the amount of data we've collected from this single test!" Ritsuko argued, "I have exactly three, read them, three, data points on synchronization with the actual pilots of these titans."

"Well then work with what you've got," Misato shot back, "He needs to be able to pilot the thing when it counts, not when you need to collect your precious data points."

Ritsuko sulked for a moment, then grew thoughtful, "I could set up a dummy system for testing purposes…"

Misato ignored the woman, approaching Shinji as if he were a wounded animal. A gentle touch on the side of his face was greeted with a tired smile from the teen. Misato smiled back, running a hand through his disgusting hair before patting him on the chest.

"You, young man," She declared, "Have caused me more emotional grief in the past seventy-two hours than all the men in the past decade of my life! And we haven't even had sex!"

Ritsuko shoved the captain aside as Shinji's face turned a deep shade of crimson, "Ignore her, she deals with stress by flirting with everything in sight. She once tried to get me to-"

Misato cleared her throat pointedly, gesturing at Shinji, who now looked like he wanted to melt through the floor affixed drain through which the remaining LCL was flowing. Ritsuko coughed in agreement, regaining a modicum of composure.

"Can you tell me how you feel Shinji?" She asked.

Shinji turned onto his side and coughed out more LCL before responding.

"Like someone tried to drown me." He replied.

Instead of laughing, Ritsuko was taking notes. She glanced back up at him, prompting him to continue. She asked for a description of what had happened, making careful notes of his experience before being summoned back to his own body. Even as he finished his account the blonde was furiously scrounging for more paper on her desk to write on. She marched to an empty blackboard, muttering to herself and began drawing out some charts.

Shinji lay there for a moment, Misato's hand resting on his shoulder. The gentleness of the gesture was enough the make his eyes sting slightly, but he held back any tears that might have come. After a minute, Misato cleared her throat. Ritsuko glanced over at them, a surprised look on her face.

"Can we go?" Misato asked.

"Of course," Ritsuko confirmed, turning back to her work, "You'll want to take him to the showers. His clothes are over there."

The vague gesture encompassed the whole room, but Misato easily found his clothes and herded him out of the lab, down the hallway and into a locker room. Placing his clothes on one of the benches she smiled coyly.

"Will that be all sir?" She asked, her voice a little smoky.

Shinji blushed again, but managed a glare, "We're supposed to be moving past this Misato."

Misato held her look for a moment, then sighed, "I know Shinji, I just need some time is all."

Shinji looked into her eyes, seeing the internal conflict.

"_Time" _He thought grudgingly, _"She just needs time. Although if she keeps this up I might take her up on an offer sometime… There's probably a lot to look at under that uniform."_

Shinji blushed harder and turned away, feeling disgusted with himself. Misato for her part had seen that look in his eyes, the look that she usually got from men who wanted to _do_ things to her. A slight shiver of pleasure was combated by a sense of trepidation. She knew that if she pushed hard enough she could probably get him in bed, but something told her that that would be the end of whatever relationship they might have had.

"_Where have all the good men gone?" _She mourned internally, "_Oh right, they're all dead, and all that's left is the perverts and teenagers."_

"I'll keep trying," She muttered demurely, "Just… Just keep being you Shinji, and I think that will be enough."

Shinji took a deep breath and looked at her, "Okay Misato. I trust you."

Those words sobered her. Misato left, her eyes cast down and her thoughts wandering in darker places.

Shinji stripped out of the suit, depositing it in a nearby bin and stepped into the showers. Hot water sluiced over his body, washing the LCL away along his worries for the moment. Closing his eyes, he took the moment to just relax, leaning against the wall, letting the heat draw all of his worries away.

In his relaxed state Shinji could feel the presence of his Evangelion at the very edge of his consciousness, although it was strangely dull now that it had been powered down. Farther afield from that he could sense something else, much smaller, but no less real. When he tried to reach for it as he would the Eva it was far too distant to touch.

After longer than he thought, but far too soon for the stress-tensed muscles of his back, Shinji cut off the water. Standing for a moment to shiver in the newborn cold as steam wafted away. He quickly dried off and dressed in his pants and a T-shirt, then headed out.

Misato was working on something on an electronic tablet when he exited, much to Shinji's surprise.

"Sorry I took so long," He offered, "I didn't mean to make you wait for me."

Misato shrugged, "I carry my work with me, and besides, I promised that I would take you to the hospital when you were done here."

Shinji nodded soberly, not surprised he had forgotten that detail amid all of the challenges which had thus far thrown themselves at him today. He offered a hand and Misato used it to pulled herself up, putting away her handheld device. They took a lift to the parking garage just below ground level, and Misato did her best to plaster him to the seat with her reckless driving.

"Misato!" He yelped, "Stop sign!"

Misato laughed, blowing through the obstacle and careening into a parking space before a powder blue sedan could even think of taking it. Misato jumped out, making eye contact with the other driver and holding up her Nerv ID before gesturing for Shinji to get out.

"I have some things to check on here anyway," She explained, walking him towards the hospital doors, "I'll let you two get some alone time and meet you by Tamako's station"

"Why don't you come with me?" He asked, "I mean, not the whole time, but maybe for just a little bit? I think Rei might like the company."

Misato grimaced, "I don't really have time for it right now."

Shinji could tell she was hedging, "Look Misato, we're supposed to be a team. I know you're busy, but there is another reason why no one, literally no one, has ever visited my… friend while she's been in the hospital. It's not just about this time either, Tamako-san told me that nobody comes to see her at all."

"It's orders Shinji," She answered hesitantly, "Rei has always been the commander's favorite person, or maybe I should rather say, his favorite possession. I think the only reason that you have been allowed to visit her as many times as you have is that Kraken team mysteriously forgets to report your presence whenever you go."

Shinji's eyes widened, then narrowed in anger, "That bastard…"

Misato held up a hand, "I'm not the culprit here Shinji, and despite what you may think, I believe that the commander holds some kind of twisted affection for the girl. It may be an unhealthy fixation, considering how he keeps all others away, but it's still a feeling of some sort."

Shinji stood his ground, "I refuse to accept that Misato. She hasn't always been a teenage girl. She used to be a small child. Do you have any idea what its like for a small child to not feel like anyone loves him?"

Misato carefully kept her silence as the young man's breathing stepped up a notch.

"Well I do!" He snarled, "And I don't believe that anyone, not even the _commander_, has the right to say whether or not a child should be cared for. Considering how flagrantly you flout all the other rules of life, I'm disappointed in you Misato, that you never thought to rebel against something so heinous."

Before Misato could respond, Shinji spun around and marched off, purpose lending swiftness to his stride. His Nerv ID slapped against the elevator call button, and he was off to the fourth floor. Misato realized she had a hand half-raised after the boy and quickly lowered it. Sighing, she headed over to the main reception desk to get her own work done before Shinji came back and berated her for another person that she had failed.

The elevator ride gave Shinji time to cool down, by the time he had entered the special ward of the hospital he was calm again. Well, as calm as he got these days.

Click

Click

Click

A red eyed bluenette swung into sight on a pair of crutches, Tamako hovering protectively, watching for the first sign of imbalance. Those eyes widened as they caught sight of Shinji, and a missed landing would have sent the bluenette tumbling to the floor if Tamako had not caught ahold of her arm, steadying her in the moment of her almost collapse.

"Shinji-kun!" Tamako scolded, "You should know better than to surprise a lady like that!"

"I'm s-sorry Tamako-san!" Shinji yelped, bowing.

Tinkling laughter brought his eyes up, and he saw Tamako covering her mouth as she giggled. Rei looked at Tamako, then back and Shinji, a host of questions appearing in her eyes.

"I do not believe Ikari-san was attempting to surprise me Tamako-san." She noted passively, "Although I will not deny that I was caught off guard by his appearance."

Tamako laughed again, "No need to worry Rei-chan, he won't get in trouble, this time anyway."

She pointed a finger at Shinji sternly, "But just so you know, Rei-chan here is on limited mobility, so I don't want to see you chasing after her like a lovesick child!"

Shinji's mouth dropped open. Rei for her part looked back and forth between the nurse and her newly minted friend. Whereas her and Shinji's forays into the unknown waters of friendship had been like flirtations with the deep end of the pool of social interaction, Tamako seemed prepared to throw them both into the deepest area and watch them flail.

Preferring her traditional weapon against uncomfortable and confusing interactions, Rei simply kept her mouth shut. She watched impassively as Shinji desperately tried to explain himself to the nurse, while the nurse intentionally misunderstood the things he said. Even Rei, with all her lack of social graces, could tell that Shinji was reaching his breaking point, and decided that termination of the interaction would be the best course of action to restore harmony to Shinji's emotions.

Carefully considering her past with the nurse, Rei implemented a course of action which would bring about her desired goal most swiftly. Trusting in Shinji, a new feeling, and one not altogether unpleasant, the bluenette released her grip on her crutches, allowing herself to fall forward. Tamako, busy with a playful diatribe, was caught off guard by the action.

Shinji, warned by a preternatural sixth sense, jumped forward, catching Rei before she could more than begin her descent and quickly helped the girl stand upright again on her good leg.

"Rei-chan," Tamako exclaimed in surprise, "I apologize, I didn't realize that you were feeling so tired after your walk. Help her back to bed Shinji, I'll get these."

Tamako bustled around, picking up Rei's fallen crutches while Shinji got the bluenette's arm over his shoulder. Working together, they hop-stepped their way back down the hallway to her room. Tamako turned down her sheets and Shinji carefully assisted his friend back into her bed.

Tamako stroked Rei's hair, "I'm so sorry Rei-chan, but we'll need to do some more PT tomorrow, although I'll try to keep it light."

Rei looked back at her, "No Tamako-san, I will be needed in short order. To return to my duties I must complete the standard course. Please remain constant to the standard order of events so that I will be ready when the time comes."

Tamako shook her head, "Rei, the doctors and I don't want you healing badl-"

"Please Tamako-san." Rei asked.

The emptiness of her voice ruined most of the effect, but the words themselves were more effective at silencing argument than a slap to the face. Tamako had never heard the girl use that word before, especially not with her. As far as the nurse was concerned, Rei humored her because she felt it was her duty to do so. To have her ask in such a way…

"I'll see what I can do." Tamako replied quietly, then turned to Shinji, "Not too long mind you, she needs her rest now that she's up and about."

Shinji nodded soberly, taking his customary position by Rei's bed. Before he could say anything, a small, pale hand snaked out and grabbed a hold of his, bringing it up onto the bed beside its owner. Tamako left with a smile which she couldn't quite keep secret from the two teenagers.

Rei glanced after her, "Tamako-san distresses you."

Shinji shrugged, "Maybe a little…"

"I can request that she be terminated." Rei offered.

Shinji yelped, almost pulling away, "N-no, it's not like that!"

Rei tilted her head, "While speaking with her your capillary beds dilated conspicuously, and your stuttering became at least fifty percent more prevalent than it usually is. All signs indicate a level of distress which is unacceptable if I am capable of alleviating it."

Shinji took a moment to digest that, then nodded, "Yes, Tamako-san makes me… uncomfortable, but I don't think that she should lose her job over it. I think she is teasing me, there's no real harm it what she's doing."

"My data indicates otherwise," She continued implacably, "Unless you like feeling this way, which I find difficult to believe."

Shinji paused to ponder that thought. It was true that he did not like the uncomfortable ways in which Tamako expressed herself to him. Despite that, the woman had a good heart, and interactions with her generally left him in a better mood, even the ones where he went away blushing more furiously than if he had been caught looking down her…

"_Enough of that!"_ He chided himself.

"It's… Tamako-san likes to draw me out," Shinji tried explaining, "It's like when I sat with you the first time. I had to get your barriers down to initiate the… sharing?"

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "I see, so when Tamako-san speaks she is flirting with you?"

Shinji felt himself grow red again, "N-no… I don't think so."

Rei examined him curiously, "This bears more research."

Shinji groaned, but didn't address the topic further. Instead, he glanced over at a packet containing clothes which was labeled with Rei's name.

"Are you going home soon?" He asked.

Rei nodded, "Yes, I believe I had sufficiently recovered to once again live on my own."

"When?" Shinji asked.

Rei glanced over at her crutches, "After my display today, it will probably not be until I can prove my fitness tomorrow."

"_Display?"_ Shinji thought, then felt his eyes widen.

"You fell on purpose!" He accused.

Rei nodded, "It seemed the most prudent course of action at the time. Tamako-san appeared to be enjoying herself too much to stop. I trusted your instincts to protect me and let myself fall, data suggests that the quickest way to change Tamako-san's demeanor is to bring physical fitness into the equation."

Shinji felt dizzy, "I… Rei, you shouldn't try to hurt yourself in order to help me out."

Rei squeezed his hand, only letting up when he met her eyes, "We are destined for battle together Shinji. Side by side we will fight the Angels as they come. I trust you to catch me when I fall in this form, as I will trust you to catch me when I fall in battle."

Shinji felt the icy cold stab of sobriety wend its way through his guts, "Of course Rei, I won't let them hurt you."

Rei shook her head, "Don't make promises you cannot keep Ikari-san. This body is of little importance. What matters in the end is that we defeat the enemies that come."

Shinji's eyes narrowed, "Don't say that Rei. I- you matter to me greatly, if you were hurt while we were fighting the Angels I would-"

Rei cut him off, "You would finish the fight Ikari-san. Nothing is more important than the mission."

"I refuse to accept that." Shinji muttered, lowering his eyes.

Rei's hand pulled free of his, her eyes turning away from him. They sat like that for several minutes before Shinji stood.

"Rei, I-" He began, raising a hand, then letting it drop.

For her part, Rei refused to even meet his gaze, fixing it instead on the blazing sunset outside her window. Newborn emotions raged through her. Frustration at his refusal to see that her own individual life, the life of this shell was meaningless in the larger scheme. Couldn't he see that she was expendable, that they all were when compared to the cost of failure? Inside her frustration was something else, something new and… terrifying. She didn't want to confront it, and instinctively knew that if she met those sad eyes that that feeling would be thrust to the forefront of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry." He muttered lamely.

Rei's emotions were too wild to allow her to hear his departure, and when she finally got up the strength to turn back to him, he was gone. Something in her heart cried out after him, and something in her mind felt only relief now that he was gone. Shinji Ikari confused things. It would be better if their aborted attempt at a friendship died.

Why then did her heart ache so, and why were her eyes filled to bursting with tears?


	6. Worth Fighting For

A/N: Hey everyone

I'm currently in the process of studying for two very large and important tests in the next 6 months, so my update schedule is not going to be anywhere near what it was after I took my last big test. With that in mind, I do intend to publish at least one chapter every week, with the distinct possibility of two coming along if inspiration flows freely during my down times. I'll always make sure my chapters are 5k words, but will probably only occasionally brush the 10k mark. I've read quite a few stories on FF and I think anything larger than 10k just becomes a slog to get through without handy things like bookmarks.

In other news, once I get out ten chapters I will probably go back and rework some of my terrible writing in chapters 1-3. It will mostly be maintenance stuff, like making sure Nii-san's memos are properly formatted, and making sure I actually write out numbers rather than use numbers themselves. I'm not quite sure how the FF alert system works with replacements, so if you get bombarded by three alerts at once, just know that it is me covering up the sins of the past.

As long as I have your attention, I would like to thank my fantastic reviewers, who give me reasons to keep on writing!

Stay strong people,

-Seratar

* * *

Better Angels

Chapter 6

Worth Fighting For

Misato and Shinji rode home in silence. The former, because she thought that the latter was upset with her, and the latter, because he thought he had made a royal mess of the only real friendship that he might have had in this world. By the time they got home, both were more than willing to eat a tired meal of leftovers in silence, then retire to bed.

Shinji laid in his room, feeling the weight of his past, and the burden of the future resting steadily on his chest. The whole situation was unfair. He came from a place that no child should have to, and he was the one who was expected to make things right?

"_Nii-san," _He thought, _"I wish you were here to help me make sense of all this. Why is Rei so obsessed with her own worthlessness? Why is she pushing me away? Why can't I do anything right?"_

When sleep finally came, Shinji dreamed of laying in a hospital bed. His body ached all over, but there was something deeper, something primal that writhed in his belly, causing him to double over several times. This dream faded too, making way for another.

Rice paddies dotted the dream field today, and Shinji found himself looking out across their expanse for long moments before he realized that he was no longer an observer in his mind. He quickly spun around, expecting to find nii-san, but was disappointed to find that he was alone in the pagoda. Tamping down his sorrow, he took some time to walk around, noting the artifacts of all of his lessons.

The central piece, as it had always been, was the mural made of the broken vase. He ran his fingers across its uneven surface. As his hand moved, he felt the echo of remembered lessons flow through the world around him.

"Some people have lived with pain for so long that they don't know how to let go." Nii-san said, "Some of them have grown so comfortable with it that they will fight you in order to keep it."

Shinji shut his eyes, tears welling up, "Why me nii-san! Wasn't there someone who could do more, someone who could do better? Why send me?"

There was no reply, just the whisper of wind through the stalks of rice. The world around him was peaceful, completely opposite of the storm which raged inside his heart. He sat in the rocking chair which used to hold the man who had been the center of Shinji's world. His hands ran along the hand carved wood, the grain rubbing roughly in some places over his skin.

He rocked and rocked, letting tears flow down his face as he wallowed in the pain of his own loss. As he moved back and forth, he felt a measure of pain leave his body, replaced by the warmth of love that he had felt from the man who inhabited this dream. Basking in it, he slowly felt his tears dry, and a small smile began to grow on his face. A sad smile to be sure, but still a smile.

Shinji opened his eyes and looked out across the paddies. Even dead, his nii-san was trying to reach out to him. If the dead would not give up on him, he would not give up on those still alive. Feeling renewed, he stood from the rocker and went to stand before the mural.

"I won't give up," he promised, "Not yet, not ever."

As the dream field faded, Shinji felt the warmth of the light in that place suffuse his body, filling him with strength beyond his own.

XXXXXX

When Shinji awoke his clock read 0600, and he felt better than he had all through the past week. Rising quickly, he threw on a pair of shorts and threw himself at breakfast with gusto. A packet of information which Ritsuko had sent with him suggested a mind-bogglingly large number of calories. He put on a double portion of rice, then began cooking up some fish.

The smell summoned a violet haired zombie from the depths of sleep, and she flopped down onto the table, planting her face against its surface. Shinji scooped up a generous portion with rice and garnished it expertly before placing it next to the fatigued captain. As he returned to preparing lunch, a chicken curry, he worked away at his own plate in the kitchen. The sound of Misato's chopsticks clicking made the young man smile, and he finished packaging things.

Moving out to the table with the remains of his breakfast, he sat down across from his roommate and gave her a smile. Misato tried not to shoot a death glare at him. Judging by his smirk, she had only half-succeeded.

"Good morning Misato-san," He announced cheerily.

She grumbled, shoving another portion into her mouth and chewing. The food wasn't half bad. In fact, it was better than anything Misato had had in quite a while. Her real complaint was with the half-empty refrigerator, or rather, what used to reside in the half which was now empty. In a fit of madness, the woman had packed up all of her precious Yebisu and donated it to the engineering section's yearly beach bash, earning her serious points with the grunts, and removing the temptation that had driven her to terrible action the previous day.

Unfortunately, Misato was undergoing what could gently be referred to as withdrawal. She occasionally scratched her arms, complaining of "bugs" underneath her skin, and her heart rate was anything but normal. Shinji took pity on the woman, reaching across the table and touching her arm.

"I appreciate what you are doing for me… well, for us I mean." He said.

Misato groaned again but did not pull away. Shinji stood up and walked over behind her, gently working his hands over her shoulders. A groan of pleasure escaped her lips, and she melted onto the table under his ministrations. When he was done, he went and drew a hot bath, then guided the violet haired woman to the bathroom.

Before he left her to her own devices, Shinji closed his eyes and reached through the void within himself to Misato. A light brush filled his belly with nausea and his limbs with a spastic energy that only seemed to make him tired. Misato felt a sudden easing of her symptoms and looked at him suspiciously.

Shinji smiled, covering the withdrawal symptoms, "Just soak in there for a little bit, I'm sure it will make you feel better. I'll see you after you get home from work."

Misato, feeling remarkably better, nodded, shutting the door and quickly stripping down. She took a moment to admire herself in the mirror before stepping into the hot water. With a shiver of pleasure she sank into the combination of aromas and heat which instantly began leeching away her discomfort. Sometimes it was good to be pampered.

Shinji groaned anew as he packed his bag, the disturbing feeling of bugs under his skin making him itch all around for a moment. He slipped back into his meditative state, trying to push the feeling away, but the emptiness only made him more aware of the discomfort. Shinji settled for a cup of green tea, hoping that would soothe his nerves, and headed out to school, much the worse for wear, and now sporting a headache creeping up his brainstem.

When he arrived at school he wasn't feeling much better. When he arrived at classroom 1-A, Hikari took one look at him and dragged him off to the nurse.

"Really Shinji," She scolded, "What were you thinking of coming into school when you look like walking death?"

Shinji shrugged, a slight tremor in his arm distracting him, "I didn't want to miss my second day…"

Hikari snorted, "If half of the kids in school were as devoted as you, my job would be twice as easy. I would also worry myself to death wondering whether they were going to kill themselves."

The nurse dismissed Hikari, who noted that she would wait outside, and looked Shinji over and asked him a few questions before settling back.

"How long have you been drinking?" She asked suddenly.

"N-never!" Shinji protested, "Alcohol turns people into… monsters."

"So why do you look like you are going through alcohol withdrawal?" She asked.

"I…" Shinji suddenly had an idea, "I think it might be a reaction to some of the tests I underwent yesterday."

Technically true. Nii-san had told him that interfacing with the Evangelion would grant him the ability to share the pain of others. He still felt bad for the lie.

"_Liars must be punished!"_ Shrieked the small voice in the back of his head, _"Quickly, do it yourself before Sensei feels like he needs to take over!"_

Shinji caught himself looking for a wooden rod, stiffening as he realized what he had been about to do. The nurse looked at him quizzically, then made a note on her chart. She made him take a couple of painkillers, then sent him back to class, declaring him healthy enough for school.

"I'll also be informing your guardian about my findings," She told him, "And my opinion on whatever it is they do to you in that lab."

"My guardian?" He asked, nonplussed.

"Katsuragi-san," She confirmed, showing him a picture.

Shinji stared. Sure enough, the violet haired woman was gazing out of a rather un-Misato-like stern picture.

"She never told me." He grumbled, "Just acted like a roommate."

The nurse looked shocked, "Ikari-kun, is this something I need to report."

"No!" Shinji yelped, "No, it's fine. I think things have just been busy. I've been living with Misato-san since I arrived, but she never told me that she was my guardian. I'm sure that it just slipped her mind."

The nurse looked dubious, but nodded, shooing him from the room. Hikari was outside waiting for him.

"Everything okay?" She asked, sincerity in her eyes, "I heard you yell something."

Shinji shrugged, rubbing one eye to combat the headache pounding behind it, "Just a surprise, that's all. I think she thought that I was drunk last night."

Hikari laughed, "Shinji-kun, you're far too serious to ever get drunk."

Shinji felt a pang at that, did he come across as too serious?

Hikari, deaf to his musings, led the way back to the classroom. Shinji insisted on helping, and together they tackled the chores of classroom upkeep. When they finished, the room might as well have sparkled.

Hikari rubbed a hand across her forehead, "Good work Shinji-kun!"

Shinji smiled, wiping his hands on a cloth, "I think that you give yourself too little credit Hikari-senpai."

Hikari blew a stray hair away from her face, "Of course not. I know that it would look this good, even without your help, but now I have some time to go over the latest mathematics module."

Shinji, emboldened by his diminishing symptoms, drew out his own notebook and sat next to Hikari, "I could give you some pointers."

She eyed him, "Which one of us here is the senpai?"

Shinji laughed, rubbing the back of his head, "You of course Hikari-senpai, but I think I might be better than you at math."

Hikari glared at him for a long moment, then harrumphed, turning her notebook towards him, "You're right. Stupid brainiacs."

Shinji smiled, taking in the problem, "I see, well, here's what…"

There was almost a full hour before class started, but the time passed far more swiftly than it had any right to.

XXXXXX

Class went the same as the day before, with the concepts being taught far below what Shinji had already learned, except for history, where he once again found himself riveted by the world of the post-second-impact. Toji mostly stuck to harsh glares from a distance, but when Hikari caught him, he quickly withered under her own gaze. Shinji could tell that Kensuke was being torn in two; on the one hand he was extremely loyal to the resident jock, on the other, he was intensely interested in getting to know more about the giant machine which Shinji piloted. In all honesty, Shinji was grateful that the teen was not constantly pestering him.

At lunch Hikari sat with him again, chattering away about something or other. Shinji was distracted by his own thoughts until she poked him with her chopsticks.

"Eh, Shinji-kun, are you ignoring me?" She asked dangerously.

Shinji put up his hands in surrender, "Never Hikari-senpai! I've just been thinking…"

Oh?" She prompted.

He sighed, "I just… There's a girl…"

Hikari squealed, "You didn't tell me that you were in love with someone Shinji!"

Shinji's face instantly grew hot, "It's nothing like that!"

Hikari gave him a knowing look, "If you say so Shinji-kun. What's the problem with your not-girlfriend?"

Shinji rolled a piece of chicken around, "We had a big disagreement about something. When I last saw her she wouldn't even look at me."

Hikari tapped her lower lip with her chopsticks, "Any clue as to what you were arguing about?"

Shinji shrugged, not really willing to tell Hikari all of his secrets. Hikari waited for a moment, then gave up on details, for now.

"Well obviously you have to apologize to her," Hikari stated, as if it were the most obvious thing.

"But I don't think she was right!" Shinji retorted, "The thing she said… It was wrong, no matter how you look at it."

Hikari pondered for a moment. Although she had only known the teenager sitting with her for less than two full school days, she felt that he had a firm grasp on things as they really were. She decided that, at the very least, Shinji completely believed that his side of the argument was correct. Even if boys could be stubborn and stupid enough to believe things which were essentially not true.

"Doesn't matter," Hikari concluded, "You still have to apologize to her. It sounds like you hurt her feelings."

Shinji thought about it for a minute, then nodded, "I agree Hikari-senpai, but what should I do to apologize?"

"Have you tried flowers?" She asked, smiling radiantly, "I have it on very good authority that girls like flowers."

Instead of throwing out denials like she had expected, Shinji shook his head, a serious look on his face.

"No," He replied, "I don't think that she would like flowers. I think she would consider them frivolous."

They both sat, Shinji pondering what he could possibly do to apologize to Rei, but not let her know that he thought that she was right. Hikari on the other hand was running through a list of possible girls who could have tied her poor Shinji up in knots like this. There were some very pretty girls in their grade, and if any of them had their claws in him she would have serious words with…

Hikari shook her head, _"Why are you so vehement about this?"_

Hikari absently opened a chocolate bar, took a bite, then stared at the object in her hands.

"_Of course!"_ She crowed inwardly.

"Chocolate!" She piped up.

Shinji looked over at her, "Yes Hikari… didn't you read that package when you opened it?"

"No baka!" She said, flapping a hand at him, "You have to get her chocolate!"

Shinji thought about it, remembering how Rei had reacted favorably to the rice pudding.

Shinji grabbed Hikari's free hand, bowing deeply over it, "You're a genius Hikari-senpai!"

Hikari blushed, "Enough of that mister. We have planning to do!"

"We?" He asked.

"Of course!" Hikari smiled at him, "You didn't think I would let you pursue the love of your life alone did you?

"_Besides," _She thought, _"This will give me a good excuse to do some reconnaissance and discover the identity of Shinji's paramour."_

The desire to push her away was strong. Despite having his nii-san as a companion for his early life, he had always succeeded and failed on his own merits. The harsh school of his youth had taught him that relying on others was foolhardy at best. Nii-san had shown him a better way, he had taught him to trust, but the bitter lessons he learned by day and the love he received by night were almost polar opposites. He felt torn in both directions, experience calling for withdrawal, and love crying out for the opportunity to be shared.

_Life without trust is ultimately empty_

Shinji beat back tears as the old adage lit up the darkness inside his mind. He had already chosen to trust Hikari, so why was he pulling back? The gibbering of a child in the back of his head answered his question, and he hurriedly stuffed that manifestation back into its cage before turning a smile on his… his friend.

"Of course Hikari-senpai," He replied, "How do you feel about German chocolate cake?"

Hikari chuckled throatily, "I can see that we are going to get along fabulously Shinji-kun."

And so, the two conspirators put their heads together, planning to meet up after school to carry out their nefarious, chocolate cherry covered scheme, and the darkness within both retreated another tentative step.

XXXXXXX

"If I leave it in any longer it may well explode!" A panicked voice said.

"If you don't man up and just hold on for another minute then it will never finish up when you pull it out!" A second, sharper voice scolded.

"I can't! I just… It's too hard!" The first protested.

The second cut off further argument, "Get a hold of yourself, just breathe slowly and think of something else, that should hold things back inside of you."

Shinji danced around, a plain apron lightly daubed with streaks of chocolate and cherry protecting him from their creation. His anxiety over the cake inside the oven was making him physically ill. Hikari on the other hand, wielding a spoon like a sword, stood between him and the still unbaked confection.

"Just get back to shaving chocolate!" She ordered, "The timing is crucial on this, it has to go on while it is hot enough to melt slightly and stick, but not too soon, or we will end up with a huge mess rather than the delicious chocolate coating that this cake deserves!"

Ignoring her orders, Shinji tried to dart past her, but received a sharp rap to the back of his reaching hand. He yelped and pulled back, shaking the offended limb.

"Ow!" He protested.

"Stand back amateur baker!" Hikari cried out, leveling her weapon at him, "I am the thrice crowned junior high baking champion. Try to interrupt one more time, and you will face my powdered-sugar covered wrath!"

Shinji edged back, Hikari punctuating her threats with a forward thrust of her weapon.

"What on earth are you two doing in there!" Misato yelled from the entry hall, "I could hear you from outside. I thought I was going to walk in on something… compromising."

"Misato!" Shinji protested.

"Yeah, yeah," Misato called back, "I'll let you two have your privacy, come get me when you're done!"

"MISATO!" Shinji yelled.

His only answer what raucous laughter as Misato sequestered herself in her room, the sounds of her mirth flowing through the house. Shinji, flushed with embarrassment and newfound anger, turned back to Hikari, ready to begin the battle anew. He was surprised to see Hikari herself blushing furiously, attempting to smooth her skirts beneath her own borrowed apron.

"I think the cake is ready," She said demurely.

Shinji, realizing that she was right, threw himself past her, willing to accept any punishment to release said object from its fiery prison. Withdrawing the cake, he saw that Hikari had been right. It was perfect. After setting it carefully on the top of the oven her turned around, bowing deeply.

"I bow to your infinite wisdom o' mistress of baking." He intoned somberly.

Shinji felt the spoon tap him on each shoulder, then Hikari responded.

"Arise, Sir Puff, of Pastry," She responded in the same tone, "show me your knifework skills."

The two busied themselves shaving chocolate, and when the cake was finally ready, a last cherry surgically placed on top, they settled back, both grinning at their creation.

"Ooooo, cake!" Misato said, heading towards their creation.

"No!" They both yelled.

Misato paused, raising an eyebrow, "I believe that that was my oven you just used to bake this masterpiece. I am entitled to the spoils of war."

Shinji, trying to find a workaround, was saved by Hikari. Well, the cake was saved, but Shinji had the feeling that he had just been thrown under the bus when he realized what Hikari was saying.

"But Misato-san!" Hikari interjected, "Without this cake Shinji will not be able to appropriately apologize to the woman he loves!"

Misato's jaw dropped open at that, her head slowly rotating to take in Shinji, who was just as stunned as she was. Hikari, seeing her opportunity, swept the cake into the box they had purchased for that very purpose.

"You have a girlfriend?" Misato accused, pointing a finger at Shinji.

"You're my guardian!" Shinji shot back, mirroring her gesture.

It was Misato's turn to flush, "I meant to tell you earlier. Things just got confused, really fast."

Shinji almost retorted, but he caught a concerned look on Hikari's face, and stopped himself. Instead, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then stepped forward and embraced the woman who had been with him every day since he had arrived.

"I'm glad." He whispered.

Misato returned the gesture after a few seconds of stunned silence, feeling tears well up in her eyes. He broke the embrace before either one could be overly embarrassed, and he turned to Hikari.

"If you will excuse us for a moment…?" He asked.

Hikari made a shooing gesture, and Shinji led Misato into the living room.

"Misato," He began, "I was wondering if you could tell me where Rei lives. She was supposed to get out of the hospital today and I don't want her to think that I've forgotten about her."

"Rei is your secret girlfriend?" Misato hissed, "Are you insane Shinji? Your father will kill you."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Shinji growled, "I made a mistake yesterday, and I'm trying to fix it."

Misato shook her head, "There are some things that can't be fixed Shinji."

Shinji scowled, "That doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to do what I can for her."

Misato acknowledged the jab, lowering her eyes. She gave him the address and gave him directions to get there when he didn't recognize where it was. The apartment in question was dangerously close to what Shinji referred to as the 'battle zone,' the area where he had confronted his first opponent. In a rare fit of tact, Shinji refrained from mentioning this to Misato.

"Is she at home?" Shinji asked.

Misato shrugged, "Let me make a call."

Shinji left, giving her some privacy, and went back out to the kitchen. Hikari was washing dishes, and gave him a questioning look when he came back.

"Sorry you had to see that," Shinji apologized, "Misato and I are still getting our bearings around each other. She's great, I promise."

Hikari smiled, "The way you two act around each other is more like how my older sister and I get along. When you come over to my place you'll see!"

Shinji gulped, then grabbed a towel and began drying and putting away dishes. They worked in silence, Shinji falling back on a history of silence being the gold standard, and Hikari not really knowing what else to talk about. The silence went from awkward to comfortable as they both fell into the familiar rhythms of cleaning, the rest of the world falling away under the relaxing mundanity of the task.

"Rei is at HQ" Misato interrupted, "She's undergoing some procedures with Ritsuko before she can go home."

"Procedures?" Shinji asked warily, "I thought she would have had all of her preliminary testing done before now."

Misato nodded, "Not that, but Rei visits Ritsuko at least once a month for some procedure or another."

Shinji's eyes narrowed, "What kind of 'procedure?'"

Misato, feeling that flippancy would probably result in another argument, which she dearly wanted to avoid at this moment, answered to the best of her knowledge.

"They don't tell me everything Shinji," She replied, "As far as I know the procedures are only known by Rei, Ritsuko, and the Commander. I'm your tactical commander Shinji, on the battlefield you may as well think of me as god. When it comes to your health, Ritsuko is your messiah."

Shinji didn't like it, and Misato could see it on his face.

"Okay," He replied, visibly calming himself, "Thank you for telling me what you could. I trust you Misato."

Misato smiled and winked at him, "Not too far I hope."

Shinji groaned, turning back to Hikari, who looked like she would rather be somewhere else.

"Come on, I'll walk you home," He offered, "Would you like to come with me to drop off the cake tomorrow?"

Hikari smiled but shook her head, "I don't think it will mean the same to Ayanami-san coming from me. But I wouldn't mind if you told her that I helped make it."

He nodded, moving the cake to the refrigerator and peering over the door to give Misato a warning look. The violet-haired beauty raised her hands in defeat. Said hands were suddenly filled with a Tupperware container filled with rice and curry.

"Hikari and I had dinner already," He explained, "Make sure you eat, alcohol withdrawal isn't a joke, and you'll need the energy to get through tomorrow."

Misato sighed, the thought of no beer in the house was like losing a hand. She moved to the microwave with the leftovers to reheat them. By the time she was ready to eat, Shinji and Hikari had left. As she settled down with her food, Misato saw a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water at her usual place.

"I really don't deserve you Shinji Ikari," She muttered, swallowing the pills, "But I'll try to be the person that you will need to get through this hellish world."

XXXXXX

Shinji escorted his brunette friend home with a series of apologies and attempted explanations. Hikari bore the storm for several minutes before abruptly stopping, turning to confront her classmate.

"Shinji, if you keep apologizing I will have no choice but to believe that you are actually doing something that requires an apology." She interrupted.

"I just thought that you looked uncomfortable when Misato and I were having it out." He replied.

Hikari sighed, "Of course I was Shinji. That stuff is usually private, but it's not anything that I haven't seen at home before. I was mostly uncomfortable the way that _she_ was acting, not you."

"M-Misato?" Shinji stuttered.

Hikari nodded, "It's like I told you, your interactions with her are like those I have with my older sister, and she's just barely out of high school. Isn't Katsuragi-san in her thirties or something?"

Shinji blushed, lowering his head, "She got mad when I asked."

Hikari laughed, "Of course she did. You should never ask a woman's age. Shinji, in a lot of ways you act younger than I do, but sometimes I see flashes of someone far older than even my father. Katsuragi-san acts like she is my age, and sometimes seems like she is even younger."

Shinji shrugged uncomfortably, "She's just finding her feet Hikari-senpai, she's just made a pretty serious change for my sake, and she's still trying to figure out how to be a parent to a psychologically unstable child soldier."

Hikari reached out, raising his chin up so she could look him in the eye. When their gazes met, Shinji could see the sadness in her eyes.

"I think it's sweet that you are defending her Shinji, and I can tell that you are taking care of her as much as she is supposed to be taking care of you," Hikari said, "I also think that you need someone in your life who will do the same for you."

Hikari suddenly flushed, then turned to hurry off. Shinji remained rooted to the spot before moving to catch up with her. They walked together in silence for the rest of the time, neither one daring to meet the gaze of the other. When they reached her house she squeaked out a quick farewell with a short quick bow, then bolted for the door. Shinji was left staring as she let herself in, slamming the door before he could see anyone inside or anyone could catch sight of him.

"Girls are confusing." He decided.

XXXXXX

"Report." Gendo spoke.

Ritsuko brushed back a stray lock of hair, looking over her clipboard before responding, "The findings confound all the previous attempts we have run. By this point her body should be rejecting the treatment. The Magi calculated that this next method would increase the success chance by only about 0.4%, but the data would allow us to come up with more ways to tweak to process."

"So it worked?" Gendo asked, "The graft held?"

Ritsuko shook her head, "I honestly can't tell you. I can for sure tell you that it hasn't destroyed her body, or we would be on to number eleven. At this point, I can only tell you that there has either been complete integration or that she has eliminated the specimen completely."

"Then keep looking," Gendo ordered, "We cannot afford to fail when we are so close. The appearance of the Angels has put us in the end game. There is little time left for failure."

Ritsuko nodded, hesitating momentarily before leaving. Her stomach clenched slightly as the Commander's eyes took in every inch of her. Something about that gaze by excited and revolted her. The man behind it was capable of looking through the layers of a person, dissecting them down to the bone in moments. To be honest, in these moments she felt more naked than-

"That will be all for today." Gendo said.

A combination of relief and regret swept over the blond. It had been several weeks since their last tryst, and she was beginning to feel hungry for a man again. As she stepped out of the Commander's enormous office her mind quickly moved back to her work, in particular the puzzle surrounding the changes undergone by the Evangelion pilots.

She absently wrote herself a note to get a hold of the new tablet computers that had finally been perfected by engineering as she shuffled through the papers on her clipboard. The idea that she could have all of her material on hand at a moment's notice while moving about was almost intoxicating to the woman.

The biometrics on both Rei and Shinji were showing elevated metabolism, but the excess energy simply could not be accounted for. Each was experiencing an increase in muscle, skeletal, and even neuronal mass, but the equations didn't balance. Assuming the laws of thermodynamics still applied, that energy was going somewhere, but Ritsuko didn't yet possess an instrument capable of measuring whatever it was.

Then there was the strange reaction that Shinji had to the synchronization. When Rei had first synchronized with her unit the synch ratio had reached a pitiful 17% before Unit-00 had gone berserk, endangering the life of the pilot and almost killing the Commander in its rage. Shinji had taken another path completely, his mind diving directly into the interface. Ritsuko supposed that the spirit of Yui Ikari might have something to do with the startling results.

Once again, the Magi were no help in solving the riddle. According to all of the projections established through the tests conducted on the second child, his ratio should have started around 25%, rising quickly with further connections. Of course, all of those tests had been run with an incomplete Evangelion…

"Of course!" Ritsuko crowed, causing a nearby technician to jump.

"You!" She pointed imperiously at the technician, "Get down to engineering and tell them that I need them to convert, rearrange, or even build a sealed room capable of holding the upper torso of three Evangelion units, and I need it yesterday!"

"Yes mam'" The tech yelped, taking off at a run.

Ritsuko smiled, _"If you won't conform to the projections Shinji, then I'll just have to change the parameters."_

Ritsuko swiftly made her way back to her lab, a smile causing the stress lines on her face to fade. The prospect of more data drove away the exhaustion which had threatened to send her home tonight. She quickly set the coffee pot to brewing and got down to calculating the necessary parameters for three fully functional amputee Evangelion units.

XXXXXX

Rei Ayanami floated alone in darkness. She had thought to ask Akagi-san to leave a light on for her, but had eventually decided against it. The darkness was something familiar. The process of storing all of her current memories into the almost mystical device which allowed her to survive the death of her body was not a short one. The darkness enfolding her was comforting in a way, it gave her time to think, with most of those thoughts revolving around a black haired pilot who had shattered her world in a matter of days.

Rei had spent all of her life believing that the only person she would ever need was Gendo Ikari. The man had loved her after a fashion, and that love had molded her into the perfect tool that he would use to bring a better world. She thought she had been content with her purpose, and had been willing to endure the pains, and even deaths, which were required to fulfill that purpose.

The past three years had become a blur for Rei. More and more transferances had occurred in that time, and the memories of what had occurred were hazy at best and absent in most cases. She knew that the only reason that her current shell had been preserved after being injured had been to undergo another one of Dr. Akagi's procedures in an attempt to bring them closer to their eventual goal. Rei had long since accepted that her life had no meaning beyond what the Commander and the Doctor defined it as.

Shinji Ikari thought differently.

When she thought of her fellow pilot her chest grew warmer. Her normally calm, collected, dispassionate thoughts were more chaotic. In many ways the feelings scared her, which was another foreign emotion for which Rei had little context. She remembered feeling afraid when Unit-00 had gone berserk during her first synchronization experiment, but that had been fear of failing the Commander. Pain had quickly replaced fear when the ejection sequence on her plug had broken her left femur and right humerus. The pain had ended when her head had struck something inside of the plug, plunging her into darkness.

The fear she felt now was fear for herself, fear of losing her purpose, fear of the unknown. The pain which had been her constant companion for every waking moment of the past years was gone. Dr. Akagi had reacted with surprise at the development, asking Rei a number of pointed questions and running her through several machines. The frustration of the doctor was apparent, and Rei shivered when she realized that the doctor had meant for her to… to die.

That was another new thing. Rei had never feared death. She had feared pain, and the darkness between life and death through which she swam to a new vessel. Death itself had been a release in many ways. A release from pain until the next procedure, a release from the inconvenience of day to day life. A release from memories which were at best inconvenient, and at worst reminders of her failure to fulfill her purpose.

When he had held her hand and taken her pain, Rei had been given a glimpse in the other direction. Shinji Ikari was filled with a familiar darkness, the darkness in which she now calmly floated. Unlike herself though, there was inside of him a light… a terrible light, which shone brighter than a midsummer's sun. Its intensity beat back and held the darkness at bay, pushing against that comforting abyss. When she thought of it, Rei felt fear.

Rei was most comfortable when she was alone. It was how she had always been, and she felt a deep sense of dread when she thought of that light touching her shadow-kissed limbs. What manner of burning would the world of Shinji Ikari bring to her own? How could she bear to stand in the light, when the darkness was so cool and inviting?

Despite her fears, she also felt a deep yearning within herself. She wanted to feel his touch again, not just the act of sweeping away her pain, but the simple feeling of having someone hold her hand with no expectations. The part of her that was not afraid felt infinitely safe with her fellow pilot, sending further emotions echoing through the long vacant halls of her heart. She had thought that sending him away would rid her of the doubts which he had planted in her mind, but now that she had time to think, they grew all the more stubborn.

"I am nothing," She whispered to herself, "I am nothing without my purpose. I must fulfill my purpose."

As she chanted those words to herself, the monitor beside the tank carefully noted that it was extracting an ever so slightly increased amount of water and salt from the LCL to maintain optimal operations.


	7. Feel Again

Better Angels

Chapter 7

Feel Again

Misato's information turned out to be flawed, Shinji had to wait until Friday to enact his plan. The rest of the week proceeded without special note. Classes were still easy, Shinji still showed up early to help Hikari with cleaning, and Shinji began to develop a reputation as the 'representative's pet.' Shinji did not quite understand all of the connotations behind that label, but Hikari seemed angry when she found out that some people, especially Toji, were referring to him as such.

"If that baka keeps this up…" Hikari growled, a fist clenched around the broom as she worked.

Shinji tried to calm her, "I really don't mind being known as your associated Hikari-senpai. In fact, I like it that people see us as friends… I see you as a friend."

Hikari directed a smile at him, a slight flush to her cheeks, "Of course we're friends Shinji!"

Her eyes darkened, "But the way they've labeled you… It's an insult. They're implying that you're just doing whatever I tell you to, like you have no thoughts in your own head!"

"Well… for the most part I _do_ do what you tell me to." Shinji shrugged, "I really don't think that it's so bad."

Hikari sighed, "I know you don't Shinji. You're so innocent to the ways that high schoolers have of breaking each other down. Since Toji can't beat you up, he's trying to destroy your credibility among your peers."

Shinji paused in wiping down a desk, "What do you suggest we do then?"

Hikari beamed at him before turning back to her own task, "Don't you worry yourself about any of that. I told you that if you took care of the monsters out there, I would handle the ones in school."

Shinji quirked an eyebrow at her back. For someone who wanted it to seem like he had his own ideas, Hikari was downright willing to be the one who dictated his actions to convince people otherwise. When he tried to wrap his mind around the convoluted logic his head began to hurt, and he quickly gave up. As far as Shinji was concerned, it was easier to calculated the gravity of a given object by its mass rather than figure out the twisting corridors of Hikari's mind. On a level he knew that she took great pleasure in handling his social affairs, and that was enough for him for now.

Their cleaning was interrupted by the approach of someone whom they had been waiting for.

Click

Click

Click

Both students turned towards the door, Hikari with surprise and Shinji with anticipation as Rei Ayanami, a pair of crutches carrying her, swung in through the door to classroom 1-A. When she crossed the threshold she froze in place, seeing both her class representative and her fellow pilot eyeing the portal through which she had entered. Moments stretched as she tried to make eye contact with both of them at once. Rei was not used to being confronted by more than one person at a time, and the effect was rather unsettling.

Feeling a more urgent need touch her, Rei quickly made a decision, turning her gaze on the class representative.

"Horaki-san," She uttered indifferently, "Would you accompany to the restroom. I believe that I need… assistance with something."

Hikari was shocked for a moment at the direct address. In their time as classmates Rei had never uttered more than half a dozen words to her. The girl was being downright loquacious. Recovering quickly from her shock though, Hikari quickly moved to Rei's assistance.

"Of course Ayanami-san," She replied, "whatever you need."

Rei nodded mutely, then led the freckled representative from the room, leaving Shinji to stare at the now empty doorway. When the clicking sound faded, Shinji shook himself back into action. By the time Rei and Hikari returned, he had finished cleaning the room and had set himself up in his desk, quietly researching more on the horrors of the post-second-impact world. He could only chalk his attraction to the subject up to morbid curiosity, but it was just about the only subject in which he was not far ahead of the curve, and learning more about it seemed to best way to understand the people whom he was supposed to protect.

"Ikari-san?" A timid voice interrupted.

Shinji jumped, slamming his knees into the underside of his desk again, eliciting a yelp of pain. A squeak of fright accompanied his reaction, prompting Shinji to look up at the person who had snuck up on him. The dark haired girl was slight, with startlingly green eyes that Shinji had not seen on any other person. One hand was twisting several strands of her shoulder-length hair as she cast her eyes to the ground.

"H-have you seen Horaki-san?" She asked quietly.

Shinji looked towards the door, "She just stepped out for a moment to help someone. Maybe I can help you?"

The girl swung from side to side, clearly uncomfortable, "I was supposed to help her with cleaning this morning but…"

Shinji looked around, "I guess Hikari-senpai and I got carried away."

The girl just nodded and continued swaying. Shinji, not really knowing how to deal with this situation, awkwardly went back to reading.

"Ikari-san?" The girl asked.

Shinji looked up, putting a smile on his face, "Yes?"

"Horaki-san said that you were helping her with the math work," She began hesitantly, "I-I was wondering if you could give me some pointers…"

Shinji blinked, "Of course…"

The girl bowed, flushing as she realized she had not introduced herself, "Sute Asura."

Shinji smiled, "Asura-san, please, come sit down and show me what you're having trouble with."

Shinji was animatedly using his hands to explain something when Rei and Hikari reappeared. Hikari smiled a secret smile while Rei looked on impassively, feeling a strange wrenching in her gut as her fellow pilot seemed to come alive as he spoke with the other girl. Before Hikari could usher the bluenette to her seat, Rei indicated the desk opposite of Hikari's.

"Is that seat taken?" She asked.

Hikari raised an eyebrow, "You know that the front row is almost empty Ayanami-san."

Rei nodded, taking the desk in question, "Ikari-san and I will require easy access to the door in the case of an emergency. I will not be able to return to my regular seat."

Hikari looked between Rei and Shinji, the latter of whom barely noticed when Rei sat beside him as he continued to expound upon the wonders of calculus. Interestingly enough, Hikari noticed that Rei also paid close attention to Shinji as he unfolded his own excitement for mathematics, drawing in the class representative herself as well. After several minutes, Sute was working feverishly on her own while Rei continued watching Shinji, who was putting away some of his materials.

If Hikari did not know better she would have said that Rei was in love. The truth was, the look that the bluenette gave Shinji was a combination of curiosity and frustration. Was she looking for attention? Hikari reclaimed her seat and tried to look busy while keeping a close eye on what was happening next to her.

Shinji felt very nervous. This was the first time he had seen Rei outside of a hospital setting, and the fact that she had not said a word to him in the entire span was making him antsy. He knew that their last parting had been… difficult, but he thought that Rei would at least meet him with recriminations, not determined silence. He glanced over at her, only to see that she was watching him. Screwing up his awkwardness and discomfort, he turned to the girl who might no longer be his friend.

"Rei," He acknowledged with a smile, "I'm glad to see you out of bed."

Rei had been expecting something else. She was used to people ignoring or dismissing her. From interactions she had observed between the Commander and Doctor Akagi, words of anger were usually followed by cold looks and resentment for at least two weeks' time afterwards.

Shinji, growing uncomfortable with the silence, continued, "How are you feeling?"

Rei held up a hand and Shinji instinctively took it. Twining their fingers together, he closed his eyes and reached out for Rei through the darkness. A gentle layer of discomfort flowed across Shinji's body, centered around the injuries which Rei had sustained, but the deep tide of pain which he had felt on previous connections was hushed. A mild queasiness wrapped around his stomach, combined with a sense of hunger.

"Did you eat breakfast?" He asked, opening his eyes.

Rei shook her head. Shinji turned to his bag and withdrew his excessively large lunch. The day after his testing he had gone to the market and bought the largest bento which he could find. The lady at the counter had chuckled about growing boys, causing Shinji to blush and bow reflexively. He proffered the meal to her, but Rei remained unmoving.

"I do not wish to eat your food pilot Ikari," She said flatly, "As the only active member of our… group, you need the nutrition more than I do in case of emergencies."

Shinji shook his head and placed the food on her desk, "I had a large breakfast, and we both know what Ritsuko has told us about caloric requirements."

Rei hesitated, then opened the box. Steamed rice, vegetables and a side of beef greeted her. He turned back to Shinji.

"I do not eat meat." She stated.

Shinji shrugged, "Then eat around it. I didn't mix everything up. I'll finish whatever you don't want. Please Rei, you're still healing and you need your strength."

Rei paused, gazing into those earnest blue eyes. Even the Commander had never looked at her like that. There had been moments of fondness, maybe even genuine displays of affection. Certainly there had been protectiveness, well, until the procedures had started anyway. Now he had grown distant, as if dissatisfied with her progress. Nothing she did would please him.

Shinji on the other hand seemed to care about her, no matter how useful she might be. She remembered when he had hesitated to pilot Evangelion against the Angel, only to instantly agree when her own existence was put in peril. She had thought him weak for that at the time, but now…

Without further resistance, Rei began to eat. Much to her surprise, she finished the meal swiftly. The feeling of nausea which had plagued her since early this morning was gone, replaced by a ravenous hunger. She almost went for the beef when the rest of the food was gone, but the thought of eating flesh caused a bout of revulsion to sweep through her. She quickly packed up the meal and turned back to Shinji, who was reading from his notebook.

"Thank you." Rei said, offering him the box.

Shinji gave her one of his trademarked smiles and took the box, not surprised at the significantly reduced weight. When he had touched Rei the depth of her hunger had only been matched by her desire to avoid throwing up. With that same feeling clenching his own insides, Shinji was sure that he wouldn't even be able to finish whatever Rei had left in the box until much later in the day.

"I'm glad to help Rei." He replied.

Rei felt a small measure of warmth seep into her as he smiled and said her name. She had worked to force a distance between them, but Shinji appeared to feel as close as ever. She felt slightly confused at her own pleasure at that thought. Shouldn't she be trying to push him away now? Why had she sat next to him? Why was she encouraging him?

"What?" She asked, realizing that Shinji had been speaking.

"Oh," Shinji chuckled, "Sorry, I didn't see you drift off. Misato gave me some things for you, I forgot to bring them with me to school since I wasn't sure whether or not you would be here. I was hoping that I could come by after school and deliver them."

Rei considered him, "I see."

Shinji waited for further reply, but none came.

"So… Seven then?" he asked tentatively.

Rei nodded her head, then noticed the looks which the class representative was shooting them both. What was her name again? Hibari? Hanaki?

"I believe the class representative wants to speak with you." She noted.

Shinji looked surprised, then turned to Hikari. The other girl quickly made herself busy before he could notice the looks she had been giving them, but the faint flush of her cheeks and too-determined keyboard tapping would have given away the lie to anyone but the clueless Shinji Ikari.

"Hikari-senpai?" He asked.

She feigned surprise, "Shinji?"

Shinji waited, but Hikari failed to rise to the bait. Shinji turned back to Rei, who was also busy with what looked like overdue coursework, probably from when she had been injured. Shinji spent several moments glancing at the two of them before sighing and returning to his own work. He was very confused.

XXXXXX

At lunch Rei disappeared before Shinji could invite her to sit with him and Hikari. He was honestly amazed at how a girl on crutches could get away so quickly. Hikari ate in silence while they sat together, Shinji quickly polishing off whatever Rei had not consumed.

"Want some?" Hikari asked, indicating her meal.

Shinji shook his head, "It's alright, I generally have a large, well, a very large breakfast."

She raised an eyebrow, "How do you keep such a slim figure if you eat so much?"

Shinji shrugged, "Metabolism I think."

Hikari sighed, finishing off her much smaller meal, "Boys have everything so much easier than girls."

Shinji raised an eyebrow at her, "What makes you say that?"

Hikari jabbed her chopsticks at him like a knife, "You do know that a girl whose figure is not picture perfect can never hope to get a date right?"

"I-I never really thought of it like that," Shinji stuttered, caught off guard by her sudden offensive.

Hikari sighed, putting away her chopsticks, "Not your fault Shinji. It's just that a girl has to perfect in every way if she wants a boy to notice her. I haven't had a lot of luck in the dating department."

Hikari gestured at her freckles and flicked a piece of hair that had begun to frizz with disgust.

"For a while back in middle school I thought Toji might like me…" She drifted off.

"What happened?" Shinji asked.

Hikari shrugged, "It came down to the fact that he became obsessed with 'perfecting his body' or something ridiculous. I was focused on my duties as the class representative. Well, you see where that has gotten me. Toji has actually gone out with other girls and they…"

Hikari shook her head at the thought, "But that's not the point. My duties make it hard for me to get close to anyone, there's a reason why you're the only person who sits with me at lunch now."

Shinji felt a pang in his chest. On a whim, he took Hikari's right hand in both of his and met her eyes.

"Hikari-senpai," He said, "I know there may be a lot that will come between us. I have duties to fulfill, and you have your own responsibilities. But I will never stop being your friend, no matter what."

Shinji gave a weak smile, "You're currently the only person who I really think might be my friend."

Hikari brought her other hand up to clasp his own, "What about Ayanami-san?"

Shinji shrugged, releasing her hand and dropping his head to look at the ground, "I thought we were friends, but she's giving me weird signals. She was the one who initially suggested that we become friends, then she pushed me away. This morning, she seemed eager, as eager as Rei ever gets, to sit with me. Now she's run off to be alone."

He raised his eyes to look out across the school grounds, "I think that she's been alone for so long that she doesn't quite know how to let other people in. I told myself that I wouldn't give up, but is it right that I force my company on her if she doesn't want it?"

Hikari felt a small part of her heart break along with his. Shinji obviously cared for their blue haired classmate. He obviously cared for anybody who gave him just a moment to show it.

"She does want to be around you Shinji," Hikari reassured him, "I've known Rei for a long time, and she has always been aloof. I couldn't even get to her respond to me in my role as the class representative, but she talks to you and even more, she listens. I think she is just very confused right now. Give her some time, but don't pull away from her."

She grinned, a glint coming into her eye, "And don't forget to take the cake to her. That's sure to break down some barriers between you two."

Shinji smiled and sighed, "Thanks Hikari-senpai. It means a lot to me that we can talk about things."

Hikari returned his smile, "Maybe someday I'll be able to share my deep, dark secrets with you."

Shinji chuckled, "What, that you secretly enjoy being the boss of everyone?"

"Baka!" She yelled.

XXXXXX

Rei stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. The cramping and nausea had desisted after Shinji had touched her, but the red eyed pilot was still cautious. A week ago she would have contacted Doctor Akagi about the bleeding, but things between them had always been… strained. Rei knew, and Hikari had backed her up, that menstruation was a normal part of life. What Rei had not told Hikari was that she had never once had a period, despite the fact that she had never been exposed to birth control of any kind.

The whole affair was very confusing, and it was stirring up emotions which Rei had never felt before, but which had been awakened by her association with pilot Ikari.

"Shinji…" She muttered, continuing to stare.

The thought of the young man filled an emptiness inside of her that she had not known was there. Indifference had been the shield against that void for a long time, but now there was something growing in the barren soil where her feelings had long ago died. The muted expressions of happiness she had felt around the Commander were empty echoes now, replaced by thoughts of the son of that man. Where there had been pale moonlight, rays of radiant sun blossomed in her soul.

She closed her eyes and basked in it. She knew that the light would fade with time, and that the emptiness would return, but for now, she just enjoyed being…

Alive.

XXXXXX

Shinji felt a strange disconnect from his body as he walked towards Rei's house, as if a pleasant dream were turning into a nightmare. The modern city of Tokyo-3 was slowly melting away around him, giving way to a collection of derelict buildings and closed stores. He could have sworn he saw a pack of wild dogs down one of the alleys which he passed. The ever-present black sedan which was usually circumspect around him was almost sitting on his tail.

As he entered the decrepit building he noted the second black sedan, pointedly giving them a wave before descending into the almost ruin. When he arrived at the door he raised his hand to knock, but was interrupted by the door opening, revealing Rei Ayanami, dressed in her school uniform.

"You are two minutes and thirty-six seconds early pilot Ikari." Rei deadpanned.

Shinji dropped his trademarked smile, "Eh, I was always taught that being early was on time, being on time was late, and being late was unacceptable. I would have been here earlier but I had to climb over a… roadblock?"

Rei nodded noncommittally, "They have been working on repaving that road for two years, three weeks and eighteen days."

"So…" Shinji shuffled his feet, "Can I come in?"

Rei tilted her head, "Why?"

Shinji held up the box in his hands, "I may have been misleading earlier today, I've also brought you a present, and I would like you to try it before I go."

Rei noted his continued smile and nodded again, stepping aside to allow him entry. Shinji stepped in, removing his shoes while at the same time avoiding the small pile of envelopes which covered a ratty old greeting mat. Rei didn't turn on any lights as they proceeded further into the dimly lit interior, leaving shafts of sunlight streaming through half-closed blinds to cast shadows across detritus scattered throughout the main room. Rei carelessly swept some papers off of the small table in the corner, presenting a place for Shinji to lay his burden.

Shinji carefully avoided stepping on a pile of bras and panties, his face flushing slightly as he almost tripped over a discarded towel. Placing the cake on the table, he stepped back.

"Hikari-senpai and I baked it for you," He explained, "I believe I am also supposed to apologize to you."

Rei, who had been reaching towards the package, turned back to him and tilted her head.

"Why?" She asked.

Shinji rubbed the back of his head, giving a chagrined smile, "Well, Hikari said that when you have a disagreement with a girl you need to apologize. She suggested flowers, but I didn't think you would like them. Instead, we decided that chocolate would be the proper gift."

"So you agree that my life is worth less than yours?" Rei asked, feeling a strange sensation creep into her heart.

Shinji quickly put his hands up, "Never! Rei, I don't know what my father has done to you, but I think that you are worth more than I will ever be."

Rei clenched her hands as she felt a surge of strange emotions, "Do not say that Shinji!"

"Then don't act as if your life is worth nothing either!" Shinji shot back, his own fists clenching, "People have hurt you Rei, I know because what I felt inside of you wasn't just from your broken body. They did something, and they've convinced you that your life is worth less than dirt! I will never accept that!"

Rei's heart was filled with violent emotions. Her fear at being discarded by the Commander for her failure in fulfilling her purpose. Her confusion at the things which Shinji made her feel. Her frustration at the haze of memory which the past three years had become. All of it welled up inside her, demanding for release.

"Thirteen!" Rei yelled back, "I am number thirteen!"

Shinji was surprised enough by her outburst to clap his mouth shut. Rei's hands curled into a fists around her crutches as she leaned into him, her eyes centimeters from his, filled with anger, despair, and tears. Before he could think to respond, Rei had dropped back and was openly weeping, standing alone, curled in on herself. Shinji saw himself for a brief moment, lying alone on his thin mat, the moth-eaten blanket barely staving off the cold.

Warm, caring arms embraced that weeping child from so long ago, and Shinji found his own arms around Rei Ayanami, seeking to bring that same comfort. He rocked back and forth, whispering words to her that neither would remember as she wept out sixteen years of bitter loneliness. Her hands, trapped between them, clenched into fists on his shirt, trying to draw him closer. Shinji felt her need, and closed his eyes, reaching through a surprisingly brief darkness to touch her soul.

A variety of physical pains swept through him. Moderate discomfort in his abdomen, a sharp pain from being held too firmly by an arm that was still healing, and a headache from whatever had hit her head. Her leg was more itchy than painful. Shinji gentled his grip, easing the pain in her arm.

Deeper than that, he felt the tide of pain which had enveloped her the first time they had touched. It was mostly gone, and he realized that as he maintained the connection between them, that pain faded further. He reached deeper, pushing back the waves of discomfort until they stilled completely. As the tide faded he felt something tattered, and as he touched it, a sense of emptiness filled him. He tried to reach for that emptiness, but as soon as he grasped it he felt the connection between them shatter.

With a gasp, Shinji came to, leaning heavily on Rei rather than supporting her now.

"Shinji…" She said in a thick voice, "My leg…"

Shinji yelped, jumping back, even though the act sent lances of pain and dizziness through him. Rei managed to hold herself erect despite the fact that both her crutches had fallen to the ground. Balanced precariously on one foot, she examined the situation. Before she could formulate a plan to retrieve the instruments, she was swept up in a pair of decidedly gangly arms.

"Shinji!" She protested.

Instead of responding, Shinji kicked debris from a nearby chair and deposited her in it before collapsing to the floor. He hit something soft and was dearly thankful for it. Staring up at the ceiling, Shinji tried to collect his mind after the deep dive. In the end it was pointless, as darkness claimed him.

Rei sat in the chair staring down at the young man who had fallen into the pile of her underclothes. She vaguely remembered something about underwear fetishes from school gossip, but had never really paid close attention to what was said at the time. She dismissed the thought to bask in the glow of their recent connection. For a brief time she knew the world would be a little brighter.

After about ten minutes of staring at her fellow pilot, Rei turned to the package which he had brought. Opening the box, she saw a dark brown cylinder covered in some kind of shaved material. Tentatively, she picked up one of the shavings and popped it into her mouth.

Rei's eyes went wide with surprise and delight as the smooth but bitter chocolate melted against her tongue. The sections were pre-sliced, so she quickly pulled out a whole one and took a slightly less tentative bite. The flood of chocolate and cherry combined with the substance of the cake, setting her taste buds alight. Foregoing any previous thoughts of forbearance, Rei dug into the cake with gusto while Shinji drowsed on her floor.

XXXXXX

When Shinji awoke the first he saw was Rei sitting in a chair above him. The bluenette's cheek had a brown streak on it, which she seemed altogether unaware of. Shinji's eyes roved to the table, only to find the entire cake was missing. His eyes widened as they snapped back to Rei.

"Did you eat the whole thing?" He asked incredulously.

Rei nodded somberly, "I found myself in a position with little to do but sit here and wait. The flavor was… pleasing. I finished it approximately twenty minutes ago."

Shinji groaned, levering himself up. Something had caught in his hair, and as he pulled it out, he realized that it was a bra.

"GAH!" He yelped, jumping to his feet, causing dizziness to drop him back to the ground on his rear end.

Rei watched him calmly as he immediately began spouting apologies, his face turning an interesting shade of red, bordering on purple as he continued. Upon seeing where he had been laying, Shinji's face took on a look of horror. Rei watched impassively.

"I'm sorry!" He yelled, bowing deeply.

Rei shrugged.

Shinji stared at her.

Rei wiped the last remnant of chocolate off of her cheek and licked it from her finger.

"Could you retrieve my crutches?" Rei asked.

Shinji quickly complied, handing her the instruments. When she hoisted herself up, Shinji was surprised to realize that they were almost the exact same height. Days of seeing her in a hospital bed had somehow imparted a sense of… smallness to her which was now missing.

"I would like to say something to you." She said, meeting his eyes calmly.

Shinji nodded carefully, "O-okay."

"I do not know why you want to be my friend. I do not know why you decided to visit me in the hospital. I do not know why you think that I am worth your time." She said.

Shinji moved to respond, but Rei shook her head, cutting him off.

"All my life I have had a purpose pilot Ikari, that alone has sustained me." She explained, "Ever since you first held my hand, that has not been enough. I do not pretend to understand the power in your touch, but it makes me feel… complete."

Shinji began to reply, but Rei maneuvered a finger to his lips to silence him.

"I have heard enough paltry promises from teenage boys in my lifetime," She continued, "Don't ruin what we have with exclamations of devotion. Just know that you have opened my eyes to a terrifying, beautiful world."

Rei deflated then, as if the use of so many words at once had completely drained her of strength. As she tottered, Shinji quickly took one of her arms. Aided by the dying light of the sun, he moved her into the small cubby that served as a sleeping area, turning his back hurriedly as Rei began to undress.

Rei was mildly bemused by his propriety. Shinji had seen far more of her than her current underclothes would suggest. Nevertheless, she made sure the covers of her futon were protecting her modesty before speaking once again.

"Goodbye Shinji," She said, "and thank you for the cake."

Shinji turned back to her smiling, "Any time Rei. Although I will probably only bring it to you in slices from here on out."

Rei quirked an eyebrow, "I am still within the acceptable caloric requirements which my duties require of me. You need not fear that I will become fat."

Shinji held up his hands, "Hey now, I didn't say anything about fat."

"Your words were an implication Shinji." She said.

Shinji flushed as he realized the Rei Ayanami, who probably had the social acuity of a mildly used gardening implement, had outmaneuvered him in a contest of words.

"That reminds me!" He diverted, pulling a card from his pocket, "This is your new NERV ID card."

Rei sat up, causing Shinji to blush and slap a hand over his eyes. Rei sighed and took the card from his outstretched hand. In some ways Shinji was far too forward, in others he was a downright prude.

"Thank you Shinji," She said, "Why did the issue of my weight cause you to remember that you should deliver this to me?"

Shinji blushed harder, "I-I was just trying to change the subject."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "I see, distraction is a useful battle tactic. I applaud your use of it in a social situation, but warn you that I have been trained since a child in the art of war."

Shinji risked a glance, and seeing that Rei was laying down once more, looked at her skeptically.

"All warfare is based on deception?" He quoted.

"Sun Tzu." She responded instantly.

Shinji smiled, "Then I am glad to have you by my side Rei Ayanami."

She gave him a small reflection of the gesture, "And I you, Shinji Ikari."

Shinji made it a point to take out the trash before he left, feeling an itch between his shoulder blades as Rei watched him. He gave the pile of laundry a wide berth as he completed the minor task, then showed himself out.

When he got outside Red was waiting for him. Shinji gave her a nod as he deposited the garbage in the nearby overflowing dumpster before heading over to meet her.

"Hey Purple," Red said, "I want to introduce you to someone."

On cue, the door of the other black sedan opened, and the largest man whom Shinji had ever seen rose up from inside. It would have been comical if the man in question had not been well over two meters tall. In addition to his height, the man was wide as a boulder, and sported a close cropped head of blond hair. Shinji decided the man was either Russian or Eastern Scandinavian.

"Previt," The man began, then switched to accented japanese, "My name is Sergey, but you will probably recognize me better as Kraken-1. Noble-1 tells me that you are in need of a trainer in martial combat."

Shinji nodded, bowing to the man, "Yes Sergey-san. I figure that if I am going to be climbing into a giant robot to fight creatures out of nightmare, I will need more than schoolyard scrapper fighting capabilities and teenage rage."

The man laughed, "Ah, a young man with spirit, good. Meet me outside your apartment tomorrow at the crack of dawn. We will run together so I can gauge your fitness level."

Shinji nodded, and the large man returned the gesture before moving back to his vehicle. Shinji noticed that despite the man's bulk, he moved with a deadly grace that spoke of hard earned experience. Even folding himself to fit into the vehicle was more an act of dance than inconvenience.

"Don't mind Sergey too much Ikari-kun," Red said, "Russians don't really understand politeness like we do. Then again, a man capable of dismantling our most celebrated martial arts masters is entitled to a little informality when he wants it."

Shinji shrugged, eyeing the sedan for another moment before turning for home.

"Not likely mister," Red interjected, placing a hand on his shoulder, "You're coming with us, it's too late and you're on the wrong side of town."

Shinji acquiesced, dropping into the back seat of the sedan and buckling up. As the car moved, he saw that Noble-2 was once again the driver.

"Why do I get the feeling that you two are stalking me?" Shinji asked with a grin.

Red smiled into the rearview mirror, "What would give you that idea Ikari-kun."

Shinji's smile faded and he addressed her again, "Why does Rei live in such a terrible place?"

"Ayanami-san?" Red replied, "You should ask Kraken-1 when you meet him tomorrow, he would know better than I would."

"But you have an opinion?" Shinji asked.

Red twisted around to face him, "Among the protective details for the pilots we have a name for the top man. It's not a pleasant word, but I feel like it's a good descriptor. I'll leave the rest to your dazzling intellect."

Shinji's face darkened, _'My father.'_

Red settled back into her seat and the rest of the ride was relatively quiet. Shinji nursed a burning hatred towards the man with whom he shared fifty percent of his DNA. The man had not said more than a dozen words to him since he had returned. Not even an official congratulations for defending the city from a giant monster on a moment's notice.

By the time he was dropped off at home Shinji was seething. He took the stairs to the sixth level apartment to try and cool down. By the time he had kicked off his shoes Shinji felt ready to face whatever might be happening at home.

"How was your date with Ayanami-chan!" Misato cooed.

Shinji calmly shoved Misato's legs off the couch and plopped himself down next to her. In reciprocation, Misato threw a popcorn puff at him. As soon as he was settled she slung her legs up over him, reclaiming her reclined position, turning back to the action flic currently playing on the TV. Shinji focused on calculating fractals as Misato's bare legs lay atop him.

"She has her new ID and a frightening capacity to eat entire cakes." He replied.

Misato stared at him, "She ate the whole thing?"

"She said she got bored while I was sleeping." Shinji explained.

Misato's eyes took on a sly cast and her voice grew smoky, "Oh my Shinji… tell me more."

Shinji groaned, "It was nothing like that!"

"Does she have better legs than I do?" Misato asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Shinji grunted in disgust, "Of course not Misato, I don't think humanity has produced a set of legs finer than yours."

Misato grinned, "Good boy."

After that they sat back and watched the movie, sharing a packet of microwave popcorn liberally dusted with cayenne pepper. Shinji's mouth was on fire by the time they went to bed. Shinji made sure to set an early alarm before he laid down to sleep, exhaustion quickly sweeping him away into darkness.

XXXXXX

The soft tinkling of chimes rang through the dream field as a gentle breeze wafted through the pagoda. Shinji found himself standing in front of the broken vase mural. He reached a hand out, running it along the contours of the piece of art, the rough texture almost comforting in the memories it brought to him. The scent of salt drew his eyes past the mural, out across the ocean which the pagoda lay before. Behind him rose majestic, but wholly unidentifiable, snow capped peaks, rising over a forest of evergreens.

Shinji stepped across the stained planks of his refuge to look out across the ocean. The sea breeze blew invigorating scents to him, and he smiled. In the distance, an object floated on the wind towards him. Watching it with interest, Shinji realized that it was getting closer. In a few moments, it fluttered on the wind before him. He reached out and snagged it from the air.

In his hand was a picture perfect painting of Rei Ayanami. There was the blue hair and red eyes, but something was… different. Upon closer inspection he realized that there was a small smile painted upon the lips, not unlike the rare ones he had seen her bestow upon him. Her eyes were not so impassive as before, but held a spark of joy, as if she were looking through the painting at him.

Shinji closed his eyes and pressed the picture to his chest. He stood like that for a time, just enjoying the feeling of being happy. When he opened his eyes again the sun was setting over the ocean. He moved back to stand before the mural, and carefully placed the picture in one of the lower corners. The picture held its position, and Shinji smiled back at the girl before moving back to a position where he could enjoy the sunset sweeping over his internal sanctuary.

XXXXXX

Shinji opened his eyes to the darkened room. His alarm clock told him that he still had a good hour before the crack of dawn. Having gotten used to rising this early, he simply rolled over and pulled himself up. Strangely enough, he did not feel fatigued. In fact, that last time he remembered feeling tired upon waking was before he had come to Tokyo-3. More things to puzzle out later.

Shinji pulled on some sweats and went out to the kitchen to retrieve a light breakfast. Considering the size and physical condition of his soon to be mentor, Shinji decided to make it very light. His stomach protested as he stored away the lion's share of what he had cooked, promising himself that he would eat when he got back.

Stepping out into the pre-dawn darkness, Shinji began a series of stretches which Nii-san had taught him, and told him to observe religiously as a daily routine. After about ten minutes he was feeling limber and decided to trot down the stairs to the ground level. To his surprise, Sergey was waiting for him.

The Russian gave him an approving nod, "I see you are not a complete amateur when it comes to fitness. Now I will not have to deal with cramping after ten minutes. Come Shinji-jan, let us see what you are made of."

Sergey took off at an easy trot which Shinji matched with ease which surprised even himself. Shinji had never been a physical fitness buff, but he had done a lot of work with his hands. He had also been forced to walk everywhere while growing up, except for special occasions where he and his sensei visited one of the nearby villages in his car. Nevertheless, he had never taken up a cardio regimen specifically designed to increase his endurance levels.

"You are probably wondering why you are not tired, eh?" Sergey asked easily.

Shinji nodded, "Do you read minds Sergey-san?"

Sergey grinned, "No, but I have trained with little Blue, and she is also possessed of heightened levels of endurance from her contact with the mighty protectors. Pretty blond doctor used very long words to describe the phenomenon to me. I told her that in the homeland we just call it being a normal child."

Shinji grinned back, "I bet she loved that."

"She immediately requested samples," Sergey joked, "I told her that the Russian secret was not in our blood, but in our hearts."

"And she said…?" Shinji pried.

"She ordered a special scan for me," He replied, "Then proceeded to mutter things about Russian humor."

With that, Sergey stepped up the pace. They were soon running outright, and Shinji was starting to feel the beginnings of fatigue. Sergey, who had been watching him closely, kept up the pace for a good twenty minutes before slowing again. They finally stopped at a local park, where Shinji immediately doubled over, heaving in great breaths of air.

"Even better than the girl," Sergey noted, "I am glad to be the teacher of two such exceptional youths. In Russia it would take a little girl ten seconds rather than five to set up a meeting between your face and the ground."

"What. Are. You. People. Made. Of." Shinji gasped out between breaths.

"Mostly potatoes and cabbage," Sergey replied, then raised a finger, "Ah yes, and vodka, good quality vodka."

After Shinji had gotten his breath back, Sergey led him in a series of stretches not unlike the ones Nii-san had taught him. Sergey was impressed by his flexibility, and quickly moved into a guard position.

"Now, try to hit me." Sergey prompted.

"Right now?" Shinji asked incredulously, "Aren't you supposed to teach me something first?"

Sergey shrugged, "The most important lesson in fighting is learning to take a hit and keep coming. I am about to… properly educate you in this technique."

Shinji felt a muscle twitch in his face, "You have no idea of the depths of pain of which I am capable of bearing."

Sergey nodded congenially, "Of course Shinji-jan. Already from our run I can tell that you are someone accustomed to dealing with pain. I can also see it in your features. You have a troubled past, much like Sergey. Come now, let me teach you the first lesson in combat."

And so it was that Shinji spent his first day of combat training being pummeled by a large Russian blond. There was remarkably little bruising at the end, but every inch of him felt like it had been run through a blender, then wrung out and left to dry in the hot afternoon sun. As he lay on the ground Sergey sat next to him.

"You are very good for someone without training." He noted, "You almost got me at the start with that surprising kick, I even had to take you half-seriously. Tell me, do you watch a lot of kung-fu movies?"

Shinji grinned, "Something like that."

Sergey nodded sagely, "You move like someone who has all the right technical details in their head, but no real muscle training to commit such acts of violence. Tomorrow I may let little Blue pound you."

"Rei is hurt!" Shinji exclaimed, "She can't be doing physical training right now."

Sergey grinned, "That would only make the fight fair Shinji-jan. If she were in peak condition she would wipe the floor with your scrawny hide."

Shinji groaned, letting himself drop back into the grass, "Why is everyone better than me at doing the one thing that I am supposed to do?"

Sergey shrugged, "Do not worry Shinji-jan, everyone starts out as a hopeless loser. Even the mighty Sergey was once no more than a scrawny little boy who couldn't take on a wet dish towel, just like you right now."

Shinji decided that Sergey was the world's happiest sadist.

* * *

A/N: -jan is a suffix used in Armenia to denote a level of affection or closeness. It's not Japanese, then again, neither is Sergey!


	8. Reaching Deep

A/N: Hello fabulous readers,

Apparently everything I told you before is a lie. The new update schedule is AT LEAST 1 chapter/week, and I'll hold myself to that as strictly as possible. If my brain vomits out more like it did today, well, you get more to read.

* * *

Better Angels

Chapter 8

Reaching Deep

**Wednesday, 12 days since Sachiel**

"We're beginning the activation sequence now," Lieutenant Ibuki called out, tapping controls on her console as Ritsuko stood over her watching the readouts.

The blond scientist tapped on her new tablet, happy to finally have a device to replace the small forest's worth of paper which she usually carried around with her. Technology was always so much… cleaner. She still had a pencil tucked behind her right ear, but it usually only saw use when she was in her lab, where she continued to use paper before Maya or some other technician transcribed her work to the Magi network.

She turned to the bluenette who had unexpectedly appeared at the flagship test of the new synchronization test. Rei had her eyes fixed on the camera which showed Shinji Ikari 'breathing' the LCL which filled his entry plug. The presence of the girl was both surprising, and maybe slightly disturbing. Rei had been specifically designed and conditioned to show little interest in others besides the Commander. To see her here was-

"All nerve connections are green," Maya declared, "Activating A-10 connection, how are you doing Shinj-kun?"

"It's different," Shinji replied, not opening his eyes, "There's nothing reaching back…"

Ritsuko's eyes narrowed, jotting more notes on her tablet. She watched as the harmonics which showed the synchronization between the pilot and the Evangelion wobbled dangerously around each other. She pondered whether the lack of a human soul to serve as an OS for the pilot was preventing her new toy from working. She had used facsimile programs to attempt to overcome this issue, but it appeared as if this might be the next hurdle to the dummy plug system…

Shinji floated in darkness, reaching out towards something, towards anything. The absence of a presence within the void was confusing. When he sat in the plug of Unit-01 he was able to feel the essence of the giant around him almost instantly. In many ways it was overwhelming. In this strange, stunted aberration there appeared to be… nothing.

"We're getting a synch ratio from you Shinji," Ritsuko spoke through the intercom, "But you're topping out at thirty-seven percent, and heavily fluctuating besides. Let me tweak some things from here."

Ritsuko began feverishly typing into her own personal terminal, editing the code for the faux soul which was supposed to make contact with Shinji. For several minutes she and Maya worked to correct whatever it was that was keeping a stable synchronization from occurring, but nothing seemed to work.

Finally, her voice filled the plug again, "Okay Shinji, I think that's enough for now. Thanks for your patience while we work out the bugs. I'll need you to come in on Friday to test the new system."

Shinji sighed, letting the meditation state slip away, settling himself back into his own body. As far as he could tell, he had just been meditating, which was never truly a bad thing. The act left him centered, more sure of his body and mental state.

Shinji patted the inside of the plug as it began to be extracted from the amputee behemoth into which is had been inserted.

"Sorry Eva-san," He muttered, "Maybe next time."

Strangely enough, he felt an echo of something… alien. He could not quite determine the feeling that swept over him, but it was definitely not from himself. Shinji shivered, wondering whether or not the abomination from which he was being withdrawn had a consciousness. What manner of existence could such a creature hope to have?

As the LCL dropped below his head Shinji hacked up the majority of the stuff, spitting it into the small pool which was slowly draining. The coppery taste of the stuff was still with him, and his stomach roiled slightly at the small mouthful he had accidentally swallowed. He was ambivalent about the fluid which enfolded him while he piloted his Evangelion. Ritsuko had only praise for the stuff, but she wasn't the one who had to breathe it for anywhere from minutes to hours at a time.

When the plug opened Shinji saw Rei standing on the improvised gantry which was outside of the holding tank for the improvised synch dummies. She rested easily on her crutches, applying a slight amount of weight to her injured leg. Ritsuko had cleared her for more intensive physical therapy, and a technician had removed the plaster cast, replacing it with a more flexible, but still restrictive device which looked like a cyborg replacement for her thigh.

"I like the new look," Shinji called, carefully standing with the assistance of a plug technician.

The man helped him down, and with a small bow and vocal thanks Shinji left him to his work. The technician gave him a thumbs up and began inspecting the device. Shinji was grateful for both the protective soles of his plugsuit and the miniature spikes of the gantry which worked together to allow his slick feet purchase while at the same time preventing said spikes from injuring his toes.

Rei tiled her head quizzically, "You like the look of my supportive device?"

Shinji chuckled, shaking his head, "Just a joke Rei. Although you look more comfortable."

Rei glanced at the device, "I am able to itch my leg."

Shinji grinned, his own leg still burned slightly from the times he had taken that from her. He understood why she would look happier with the bulky object off of her leg.

"How soon until you can pilot again?" He asked.

"Doctor Akagi says that I can begin testing again once the contusions on my brain have healed." She replied, "She said that synchronization could cause irreparable damage to my central nervous system in its current state."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "I didn't think your head hurt that bad."

Rei shrugged, "I do not ask questions of Doctor Akagi."

Shinji glanced over at the observation room, seeing the blond scientist working with her team at a terminal.

"Maybe I should…" He began.

Rei placed a hand on his chest, "Please do not Shinji."

Shinji turned a surprised look on her, "Are you defending her?"

Rei shook her head, "Myself."

Shinji felt something hard and icy drop into his stomach. Rei had never told him exactly what thirteen meant, but he knew it had something to do with Ritsuko and his father. Rei was still reticent on a number of topics, and Shinji had decided that letting her keep her secrets was more important to him than severing the tentative bond they had formed.

Shinji brought himself back to the present and gave Rei a smile, "I have to take a shower, are you heading home?"

Rei shook her head, "I will wait for you."

"I was going to visit Unit-01…" Shinji hesitated, "Are you sure you want to come with me."

Rei nodded.

Shinji smiled, "I'll see you in a few."

Rei nodded and swung away. Shinji headed to the showers, taking less time to luxuriate now that he knew somebody was waiting for him. His training with Sergey had become his morning routine, and his body was already hardening from it. He was also consuming food at an alarming rate to keep up with his new metabolism and the demands which Sergey placed on him. Shinji was silently thankful for the sizable allowance which NERV allotted to him for his work, as he was sure that Misato's wallet could not have kept up with his appetite.

Quickly drying and changing into a pair of jeans and a shirt, Shinji made his way to the Evangelion cages. Rei met him at the portal leading to the gantry, and they both stepped out onto the scaffolding which held them above that dark abyss into which the bodies of the Evangelions descended. There was no light show to impress anyone right now, just people working on the plating which protected Shinji's Evangelion from injury during combat. A few people waved as the two pilots passed, who returned the gestures.

Standing before the head of the mighty beast, Shinji looked into the vacant sockets which he had been informed turned bright white when activation occurred. The gantry was currently positioned too far away for Shinji to touch, so instead he leaned on the railing.

"What is yours like?" Shinji asked.

Rei turned to look at him, "Angry."

"Angry?" Shinji asked.

Rei nodded, "When I last tried to synchronize with Unit-00 it went berserk, that is how I sustained the injuries which are still healing."

Shinji shuddered, "What was it like?"

Rei cocked her head, thinking for a moment before responding.

"I was only conscious for the first few moments, then I was ejected by the system. Commander Ikari tells me that the Evangelion itself triggered the ejection sequence. All I know for certain is that I did not do it myself." Rei explained.

Shinji nodded thoughtfully, turning back to Unit-01, "I can't imagine having to get into something so… angry."

Rei watched Shinji, noting the look of longing and trepidation that crossed his face. Her own experience with synchronization now caused her a slight amount of concern. She would still follow the orders given to her, but she could not help but feel a measure of fear at the thought of trying to synchronize with her unit again. What if something went wrong this time? Would she remember her time with Shinji, or would she go back to being… hollow?

"I can't feel her right now." Shinji muttered.

"The Evangelion units are incapable of action unless both a pilot and a power source are provided," Rei recited, "When either is missing it enters a dormant state, incapable of perception or action."

Shinji nodded, "I wonder what it is like."

Rei looked at the behemoth quizzically, "I do not understand."

Shinji shrugged, turning to her, "Imagine being put to sleep after fighting, being horribly injured, only to be woken to be thrown back into the fray. Do you think they feel anything about it?"

"Evangelion is a human-machine hybrid designed to fight the Angels," Rei said, "I would not ascribe anything higher than base animal emotions to their actions."

Shinji hesitated before continuing, "I think I do."

Rei remained silent, having no information to offer. Shinji certainly had more experience with actual synchronization with an Evangelion. She had days worth of synchronization testing under her belt, but as far as she knew only Shinji and the second child had actually ever succeeded in bringing their Evangelions to life. Rei was hesitant to disregard anything that Shinji told her without further exploration, as he had proven right on several occasions. Cake being a prime example.

Shinji straightened up and stretched, "Let's go. I need to get ready for my training session with Sergey tomorrow."

Rei nodded, then accompanied him out of the building. The paths to their apartments lay at almost perpendicular angles, so they parted when Rei refused his offer to walk her home. He watched her get into the black sedan of her section 2 escort, returning the wave of a grinning Sergey before making his own way home.

Misato knocked down the door as Shinji was finishing up dinner, having made short work of his homework and lunch preparations for the next day.

"I'm hooooome!" She chimed, kicking the door shut behind her.

Shinji glanced up from his chopping long enough to see Misato duck into her room.

"Dinner is in ten minutes!" He yelled back, then hummed to himself as he continued working on the food.

Shinji set the stovetop to high heat and tossed the vegetables into a hot, oiled pan, stirring as he fried the food. A splash of soy sauce and some other ingredients followed, filling the room with the aroma of stir fried vegetables. Shinji quickly removed the wok from the heat and moved it to the table, then began dishing out rice.

"Misato!" He called.

Misato stepped out of her room in a generously low cut shirt and a pair of shorts which gave him a view of those amazing legs. Shinji averted his gaze quickly, finishing his preparations. When she sat down he carefully kept his eyes on her own. Misato wiggled her eyebrows and Shinji sighed.

"Bad day at work?" He asked.

Misato pouted, "Why can't I wear something comfortable without you accusing me of being hedonistic?"

Shinji crunched down on a pepper before responding, "You're always hedonistic Misato. But it's usually less pronounced at home, so tell me what's going on."

Misato sighed, "Someone is stonewalling our request to get Rei reassigned to our housing unit."

Shinji felt a slight pain in his hand and a small crack as he broke one of his chopsticks, "What?!"

"Apparently someone wants her to stay where she is," Misato elaborated, "Nobody will own up to it, but whenever I check the paperwork it claims that it is pending."

Shinji took a breath and got up to retrieve another pair of chopsticks, throwing the broken pair out and rinsing the blood from his hand.

"So what do we do?" Shinji asked.

"Leave that to me," Misato replied, giving him a wink, "I've been playing politics for longer than you've been thinking about girls. It might take a little longer."

"Would it help if I asked her to put in the request herself?" Shinji asked.

Misato shrugged, "Maybe. Wait… you haven't told her that you want her to become our neighbor?"

"It uhhh… never comes up." Shinji smiled, rubbing an arm, "Besides, her apartment makes your old one seem nice by comparison."

"Hey!" Misato yelled.

Shinji ducked a flying piece of onion, "You're cleaning that up."

"Yeah, I know," She groused, "You and your stupid rules."

"I'd like to point out that we now have a fully functional couch," Shinji replied, "And we can even get around in the middle of the night without being in danger of killing ourselves."

Misato grumbled something, digging back into her food to avoid responding to him.

"And you're looking better than ever." Shinji added.

Misato gave him a quizzical look, "Oh really?"

Shinji knew that he was on dangerous ground. On the one hand, a lot of Misato's self-esteem was tied up in the fact that she was naturally one of the most beautiful women in Tokyo-3, and perhaps even Japan. On the other, he had been very carefully trying to set boundaries between them. He liked Misato, he thought that he might even love her, but he had been a witness to what happened when she actually slept with a guy.

Last Sunday she had brought someone home for a 'good old time,' which had kept Shinji awake for several hours, the first thirty minutes were spent blushing frantically and going through some material Ritsuko had lent him to try and keep himself calm. Afterwards there had been a lot of yelling, and the guy eventually left. Then Shinji had to listen to Misato cry herself to sleep. He would have gone to her, but he had been desperately afraid that she would try something that both of them would regret in the state she was in.

Shinji knew there was something desperately wrong with what had happened. Not being a student of human psychology, or even an amateur at interacting with people, he had been at a loss for what to do. Several hours in the dream field had given him time to meditate on the fact and on some of his old lessons. Having reached no definite conclusions on exactly what was wrong, he decided that he should try and make her feel better about herself rather than go after a specific need.

So Shinji now found himself being appraised to his violet haired guardian as he searched his brain for something affirming, but not inviting, to say.

"I mean, not everyone would notice it," He said nonchalantly, "but your hair is looking glossier than normal, it's nice."

Misato felt her heart skip a beat. She was used to men commenting on her legs, her butt, and her breasts. With those three sizable assets keeping their attention, nobody noticed much of anything else. After getting rid of all of the alcohol in the house, Misato was feeling good enough in the mornings to take better care of herself. Including buying herself a fancy brush and new conditioners for her hair.

The look she gave him was inscrutable, "You noticed. Shinji, I…"

Shinji feigned ignorance of her tone and look, "I try to keep my eye on the little things. It's why I want to get Rei out of the hellhole she calls a home. I think she'll start recovering faster if she doesn't have to hike through a half kilometer of ruins every day."

Misato latched onto that, "A medical exemption…"

Shinji let her think and downed the rest of his food, getting himself a second, then a third helping. By the time he headed to his room Misato was scrolling through something on her tablet and muttering to herself.

XXXXXX

**Thursday, 13 days after Sachiel**

"You are very reckless Shinji-jan." Sergey said, the point of his practice knife held underneath Shinji's neck.

Shinji panted, then grinned, "Your gut wound says that I still succeeded."

Sergey shook his head, expression unusually grave as he pulled back, "Victory at the price of death is hardly a victory at all."

Shinji nodded, "I agree, but the Angels and I don't fight by a lot of the rules that you are used to. Did you know that they have a sort of force field. I think it's called an AT field, although I haven't the slightest idea what that stands for. I have one too, and while we're fighting with our bodies, we're also fighting with those fields. In all likelihood, either of our knives would have failed to connect completely due to the dominance of one of those fields. Well, that's the theory anyway."

Sergey scratched his chin, "You give an old soldier many things to think about Shinji. Nevertheless, I am training you to fight as a person. Perhaps if you change the rules of the battle, then victory will come more swiftly eh?"

Shinji blinked in surprise, which caused Sergey to burst out laughing.

"I take it you assumed I was nothing more than a pair of well toned biceps?" He asked.

"Well…" Shinji said.

Sergey let out another hearty guffaw, "You Japanese always assume that because somebody does not have a stick up their butt that they are not intelligent. I am not Kraken-1 because of my rippling muscles."

He tapped his head, "I am the head of Kraken team because I have the biggest brains of the bunch."

Shinji felt slightly ashamed of himself, causing him to bow reflexively to the large man.

"I apologize for thinking less of you than you are Sergey-san." Shinji said.

"Hah!" Sergey laughed again, "You assume that that was not my plan all along? Tell me Shinji, if you see a large, loud man, what do you think?"

"That he must be some kind of sports nut?" Shinji asked with trepidation.

Sergey tapped him on the forehead, "Exactly. By the time you realize my true genius, you are already defeated. Take this as a warning and a lesson Shinji-jan, a stupid man will do everything in his power to show you how smart he is. A truly intelligent man will try to hide everything he can from you until you lie dying at his feet."

Shinji took the lesson soberly, realizing that Sergey had played him, and possibly everyone outside of his team, for a fool.

"So why tell me now?" Shinji asked, "Aren't you giving up your advantage?"

"I want to hone your mind as well as your body Shinji," Sergey replied seriously, "I will always act the fool for those whom I do not know, and those whom I consider enemies. My friends will also see that side of me, for it is who I truly am. But they also know that I am not a man to be trifled with. Now that you know this, you will respect my lessons eh?"

Shinji nodded quickly, "I have always taken you seriously Sergey-san, but perhaps I will be more cautious now."

Sergey grinned, "Do not be so uptight Shinji-jan! I hope to be not only your instructor, but your friend. You are a rather grave individual, and that saddens my heart. A teenager should be filled with cheer, love, and a good amount of stolen vodka."

Shinji chuckled nervously, "You're not going to get me drunk are you?"

"Unfortunately, we are both on duty Shinji," He pointed out, "But after you slay your next giant, do not expect me to hold back! Come now, let me show you how to gut one of your Angels like fish!"

XXXXXX

When Shinji entered classroom 1-A he found that he was alone. Not perturbed by this fact, he simply got a hold of the cleaning supplies and began to make the room shine. Although Hikari was usually there before him, working on either the room or her own schoolwork, Shinji figured that she probably deserved some time off. When the cleaning was done, Shinji settled into his desk and started doing some research on psychology.

A lot of the softer sciences had suffered since the second impact, being regarded as secondary to survival skills such as farming or fighting in the beginning, and later being displaced by the harder sciences so that recovery and preparation could be achieved. Despite that, there were a few good authors on the subject who were tackling the mental health issues which were a literal pandemic in a world where almost one quarter of the population had died in the blink of an eye, followed soon after by another undocumented number as the aftershocks of that event rippled through the world.

Shinji reviewed the notes he had already taken and started in on a paper that he thought would help. Misato was no longer drinking at home, but she had been out at a bar once since she had gone dry. The resulting encounter with her temporary paramour had left him worried enough that he had begun to research the matter. Some of the proposals by the new age psychologists sounded absurd to him, but there were others that resonated. Shinji was still unsure of how he was going to tackle to problem, but he felt a little better knowing that he was at least doing something.

"Why such a serious face Shinji-kun?" A voice asked.

Shinji jumped slightly, looking up from his reading to see Sute standing before him with a small smile on her face.

"Asura-san!" He yelped, "You startled me."

She twiddled her thumbs, "Sorry, I just wanted to say good morning."

Shinji gave her a smile, "Good morning Asura-san."

"I wanted to thank you for helping me with the math," She said shyly, "The other girls in my dormitory have been after me to help them after you showed me how to work through this unit."

"I was glad to help," Shinji replied, bowing slightly, "Sometimes all you need to understand something is a fresh perspective. Well, that and a lot of practice."

She nodded emphatically, "I agree."

A prolonged silence stretched around them before Shinji thought of something to ask.

"Have you heard anything about the Hikari-senpai?" He asked, "She wasn't here this morning to help clean the room."

"Oh," Sute lowered her eyes, "I don't suppose you heard that she and her sister were in an accident the yesterday."

"What?!" Shinji yelped, "What happened?"

"Some faulty wiring set off a fire in their home," Sute explained, "Kodama-san was at work, but Hikari-san and Nozomi-chan were caught inside. They were both rescued by the fire department, but they are being held at the hospital in case of-"

Sute never finished her sentence, as Shinji and lunged past her to the door, leaving behind his bag and all of his materials.

As Shinji dashed out the front entrance of the school he was waylaid by one of his security team.

"Hold up there kid, where do you think you're going?" The agent asked, putting a hand out to stop him.

"Hospital!" Shinji replied, ducking around the agent and racing off.

"You've got to be kidding me…" The agent growled.

The agent ran down the street, sliding over the hood of the black sedan parked not too far away. He threw himself into the passenger seat and gestured at his partner.

"Move it Four," He yelled, "He's getting away!"

Noble-4 slammed the car into gear and raced off after Shinji, who had made remarkable progress in the time it had taken for the team to react. When they finally caught up to him they could see that he was running flat out. Noble-3 leaned out of his window.

"Why don't you let us give you a lift?!" He yelled.

Shinji glanced over at them, slowing as the sedan drifted to a stop next to him. He jumped into the back and pounded the seat of the Noble-3.

"Come on!" He snarled, "Hikari is hurt!"

Noble-3 looked at Noble-4, shrugged, then stepped on the accelerator. Shinji was thrown back into his seat, desperately fighting to buckle himself in.

"Hold onto your underwear kid!" Noble-4 called back, "Three is a crazy bi-"

"Language!" Warned Noble-3.

"He's sixteen!" Whined Noble-4, "He's probably heard much more colorful curse words than that."

Noble-3 sniffed as she sent the car careening around a corner, "I also don't appreciate you saying such things about me."

The ride was swift and almost as scary as riding with Misato. When the sedan squealed into a fire zone, Shinji bailed out, leaving the two agents to find a place for their vehicle. Shinji's shoulder clipped the automatic door as he ran inside, arriving at the reception desk to slam his hands down on the surface.

"I need to know where Hikari Horaki is being treated!" He demanded.

The receptionist, her eyes widening, leaned back slightly, "Relationship?"

"She's my friend!" He replied tersely.

"I'm afraid only family is allowed to visit her at th-" The receptionist tried.

Shinji whipped out his NERV ID, shoving it at the woman, "I'm with NERV, let me in or I'll start causing problems."

The receptionist blanched and quickly gave him a room number. Shinji, not bothering to think of the implications of what he had just done, hurtled his way through the hospital halls, putting his training with Sergey to use as he wove through the packed hallways. When he finally skidded into the room where Hikari was recovering, he was slightly winded.

Inside he found a slightly taller version of Hikari, her hair held back in a single ponytail and adorned in a set of NERV issue fatigues, slightly rumpled from being slept in. She noticed the small hurricane blow into the room and quickly confronted him.

"Who exactly are you?" She demanded.

Shinji felt himself deflate under that gaze. His only thought had been to reach Hikari and do… something. Now he was confronted with a lioness protecting her cubs, and his own righteous determination deflated under her wilting glare.

"I… My name is Shinji Ikari, I just came to-" He started trying to explain.

"Shinji?" A weak voice called.

The older Hikari was distracted by the voice, and that single word pushed Shinji past her to the bedside of his first real friend. He quickly took her hand in his.

"I'm here Hikari-senpai." He said quietly.

Hikari looked a little red, as if she had been close to the fire, but not close enough to cause serious burns. More disturbing was the profound paleness of the parts of her body that were not covered by bandages or minor burns. Shinji looked up at the monitor over her head, trying to work through the numbers displayed on it.

"I'm fine," She whispered hoarsely, "I inhaled too much smoke."

A short, painful cough escaped her mouth and Shinji felt a strong hand latch onto his shoulder.

"Why don't we let Hikari rest." The older woman suggested forcefully.

Ignoring her, Shinji closed his eyes and reached through the darkness to touch Hikari's soul. He felt warmth across his entire body, but the sensation was suppressed by a haze that lay between that pain and his mind. He realized that Hikari was probably on some kind of painkiller. He turned his attention away from her superficial burns and felt deeper.

A profound weakness washed over him, prompting his body to grab a hold of the bed frame to prevent himself from collapsing. He contemplated diving deeper, but whatever had affected Hikari was interfering with his ability to concentrate. Reluctantly, he pulled back, gently placing Hikari's hand back on the bed.

"I knew you would come for me," Hikari smiled at him through a mask placed over her nose and mouth, "Only you Shinji."

Shinji smiled back, using his other hand to prop himself up on her bed. Her eyes closed, but the gentle smile remained on her lips.

"Come on." The woman holding his shoulder commanded.

Shinji took a moment to muster himself, then let the woman guide him out of the room. He caught a brief glimpse of several other burn victims, one of whom was a little girl with hair the same color and texture as Hikari's. The woman, whom Shinji now assumed was Hikari's older sister, guided him outside to a set of chairs in the hall where they both sat.

"Hikari didn't tell me she had a boyfriend." The woman addressed him, "What's the matter with you? you look like you saw a ghost."

Shinji caught a pale reflection of himself in some glass and saw that he was about as pale as he had ever been. He leaned back, focusing on deep, cleansing breaths.

"Look, I know it seems bad, but she's going to be fine," The woman reassured him, "The doctors say that she has barely any third degree burns, and the second degree ones are sparse. They're mostly worried about smoke inhalation. They told me that the worst of it is that she is suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning."

Shinji nodded numbly, forcibly focusing his mind, "That would explain why she looks so pale."

When he turned to face her he was struck again by how much the older woman resembled Hikari. Her face was slightly more angular, if that were possible imagine, and a pair of dark bags hung under her eyes.

"Kodama-san?" He asked tentatively.

She nodded, "That's me. Although I wish Hikari had introduced us properly, rather than having to let me find out about her secret lover after an accident."

"S-sorry." Shinji apologized

The woman eyed him, "For what… wait, you didn't get her pregnant did you?!"

Shinji's eyes widened and he raised his hands, "N-no! Nothing like that!"

He realized that the woman was grinning at him, and he felt his cheeks redden as he realized she had been having a little fun with him.

"But honestly, why are you apologizing?" She asked seriously.

"I… I didn't mean for us to meet this way." He replied.

Kodama snorted, "From the look of you, you ran half way here. Trust me, this meeting is going a lot better for you than the standard 'if you hurt my sister I will destroy your life' speech. So, how long have you two been dating?"

Shinji's brain finally caught up with what Kodama had been assuming, and his cheeks reddened.

"We're not dating… We're just friends." He denied, "I've known Hikari for… almost two weeks?"

Kodama raised an eyebrow, "What I saw in there wasn't a 'just friends' moment."

Shinji shrugged, "Hikari is one of two friends that I have. She is very precious to me."

Kodama regarded him for a moment before nodding her acquiescence, "Okay, I'll take your word for it. This actually works out better for me anyway, it would be hard to mix business and pleasure."

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Kodama Horaki," She introduced herself, "Sixth engineering division, I've spent the past two weeks working on your knee joint. Could you please stop wrecking my baby?"

Shinji felt his mouth drop open. Kodama placed a finger under his chin and helped him shut it with a click of teeth meeting.

"We can't all be pilots Shinji-kun, but we do our part." Kodama said, "Oh, and if it comes up, I'm okay with you dating Hikari."

Shinji blushed, struck mute by her words.

"Also," She continued, "If you break her heart or get her pregnant, I'll probably have to kill you."

Shinji felt his mouth drop open again. Kodama patted him on the head and headed back for the room.

"Hikari will be fine," She tossed over her shoulder, "You should probably get back to school."

The door shut and Shinji stared at it for a long minute before shaking himself back to reality. He realized for the first time since arriving that the hospital was unusually busy. Looking around, he saw that there were a significant number of burn victims. He made the connection and realized that Hikari's whole apartment complex must have gone up.

"Shinji-kun?" A familiar voice asked, "Were you caught in the fire?!"

Shinji raised his eyes to see Tamako standing before him, her arms loaded down with various medical supplies. Shinji, rather than responding, stood up and relieved her of some of her burden, gesturing for her to lead the way. Tamako nodded somberly and took the lead. After several more trips, her capacity now doubled, Tamako had completely restocked the rooms of the ER.

Shinji watched, impressed as the young nurse would gently touch a victim, whispering words of encouragement, or quickly punched a series of commands into a machine to administer more painkillers. Everywhere she went, there was a little light of happiness left in her wake. Shinji mostly kept quiet, although he had gently made contact with a gentleman whose body was almost completely covered in blackened skin. The wave of pain that had washed over him had almost knocked him flat.

Tamako took his hand and gently led him out, "I know it's a lot to take in Shinji, but things like this happen. That last time it was this bad was after the… well, I think you are personally acquainted with the incident."

Shinji felt horror sink into his gut, "Aren't there shelters?"

Tamako shrugged, "Yes, but not everybody can get to them in time. There is even a small group which refuses to hide when those giants come knocking."

Shinji followed her numbly, his skin prickling with pain as he accompanied her on her rounds. They eventually made their way back to the nurses' station, where Tamako quickly began filling in reports.

"What brings you to see me on such a lovely day Shinji?" She teased, her tired eyes sparkling with mischief, "I thought you had stopped caring."

Shinji blushed, "I'm sorry Tamako-san, things have been… difficult."

Tamako waved his apology off, handing him another stack of items before loading up herself, "Never mind that. I understand that your probably have enough girls distracting you. Were you here to visit the Horaki girls then?"

Shinji was surprised, "You know them?"

Tamako nodded, "My brother is in her class."

"Wait… who is your brother?" He asked.

Tamako sighed, "He's the nerdy one who won't stop bothering me for the inside scoop on the pilots."

"Aida-san?" He asked aghast, "He's your brother?"

Tamako raised an eyebrow, "I see you've met. He isn't bothering you is he?"

Shinji shook his head, "No… well, I had a run in with his friend Toji on my first day, but Aida-san actually helped me out."

Tamako smiled, "I'm glad to hear it, now I don't have to yell his ear off."

As they moved away from the ER, Shinji noticed the way she walked. The last time he had seen Tamako, she had fairly floated along the hallways over which she had jurisdiction. Now she all but shuffled, her shoulders hunched under a burden of fatigue.

"Tamako-san…" He ventured.

"Hmmm?" She responded.

"Do you need to sit down?" He asked.

"Heh," She chuckled, "I think everybody here could use with a good sitting. More likely, they need to get a solid four hours sleep. Fresh people will be coming in about… two hours from now. After that I'll go home and get some sleep."

They walked into a room and Tamako took a moment to check the chart, perhaps leaning a little too heavily on the bed as she did so. He watched her face and noticed the severe slackness to it.

"Can I walk you home after your shift?" He asked, making up his mind.

Tamako turned to him, the mischief almost banishing her fatigue, "My my, you certainly know when to try your luck Shinji-kun. Hoping that I'll be more suggestible now that I've been up for thirty-odd hours?"

Shinji blushed, "N-no Tamako-san… I just wanted to make sure you got home safely."

The mischief melted away and Tamako nodded gratefully, "Only if you promise to carry me when I collapse."

Shinji smiled, "It's a promise."

Tamako smiled a genuine smile then, rather than one meant for a patient, or as a tease. To Shinji it looked like a light breaking through a cloudy day. The nurse quickly turned back to the bed of her patient and went over to the side of the pink haired girl.

"Good morning Suzuhara-chan," She whispered, "I'm just here to check on your vitals, you stay where you are."

Shinji stared at the girl as Tamako wrote some notes into the chart.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked.

Tamako sighed, "Lumbar spinal injury and cranial fractures. She got hit by flying rubble during the attack. She and her brother didn't have time to get to the shelter before the fighting began. He usually comes to see her at least three times a week, when his father can't. She hasn't awoken yet, and we're beginning to wonder if she will."

Shinji felt a hand clench his heart, "Do you mind if I stay here for a bit."

Tamako gazed at him searchingly, "This isn't your fault Shiji."

Shinji shook his head, "You're right. But I am responsible."

Tamako sighed, "Men and their honor."

Shinji gritted his teeth, "She's here because I wasn't good enough."

"The rest of us are here because you _were_ good enough." She shot back, fatigue making her irritable, "I've been looking after Rei for a long time, and between you and her I know that things that can happen to pilots, even in training. You're doing everything you can Shinji-kun, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourself."

Shinji felt a deep pit of despair laying before him. He gazed down into its depths and saw the countless souls who would be hurt despite all he could do. No matter what he did, people would be killed.

Shinji lowered his head, "I just want to keep them safe."

Tamako gently cupped his cheek, "And you do Shinji-kun. I am grateful for what you do, and so are many others."

She stepped back, tapping her chest, "I watch a lot of people die every day Shinji. Do you think it's my fault that they do?"

"No!" Shinji responded.

She tapped his chest, "Then you also need to recognize that when people get hurt, it's not your fault. You may be right that you are responsible. Maybe that's for the best. I wouldn't want somebody who felt no remorse piloting that… thing. But at the same time, you can't take the burden of everyone's pain on yourself."

"You're already carrying a tremendous weight on your shoulders. Your responsibility is enough to break a fully grown man or woman, let alone a teenager of your years. Please Shinji, we're going to need you for more than just one attack. There are more coming, and we need you to protect us, even if you can't save all of us."

Shinji felt tears of frustration well up in his eyes, but he accepted her words, "Okay Tamako-san."

She ran a hand through his hair, smiling gently, "Why don't you keep Sakura-chan company until I finish my shift. But you promised me a walk home, so I expect to see you at the doors no later than eleven."

He nodded, feeling despair creeping into his heart. He took a seat next to the little girl as Tamako bustled off to her work. He was amazed at the nurse's resilience. He had thought that he would try to help her, but she had turned it back on him, comforting him instead. He was unconvinced of the full truth of her words, but he knew that she meant them, and he knew that he would continue to try to protect everybody, not just the most people possible. It was simply not in his heart.

He turned his gaze to the pink haired girl in the bed. She looked to be nine or ten years old. Various tubes were connected to her body with esoteric labels which he couldn't hope to understand. Absently, he decided to do some research into medicine so that he could understand some of the things he saw. He had a feeling that he would be spending a lot of time in hospitals in the near future, if only for his own sake.

After several minutes of watching, Shinji had a sudden thought. Without waiting for a second opinion from his mind he reached out his hand and touched Sakura's hand, closing his eyes and sinking into the darkness of his mind. When he reached, there was a greater distance to travel, as if the girl he were trying to reach was absent from the body to which her soul was normally bound. When he finally touched that soul it was a faint spark, held only by the weak heartbeat of a broken body.

Shinji took a deep breath, then dove in.

Rather than a wash of pain, Shinji felt himself plunge into emptiness. The lower half of his body was completely numb, and various parts of the right side of his body felt like they were gone altogether. He felt the surgically repaired fracture of the skull, but the true problem was the matter underneath that, which had sustained damage, blood putting pressure on the entire brain before an intervention could be made.

As he delved deeper he felt echoes of fear, the flash of something large soaring overhead, tearing through buildings. Then darkness.

'_Sakura-chan'_ he called.

He felt something respond, but the vessel was broken, and as whatever it was that animated that vessel tried to respond, he felt that response leak through that shattered container and back into the void.

'_Please!' _He called out, _'I… I can't live knowing that I did this'_

The presence tried again, and as it began to leak out, Shinji began plugging holes with parts of himself. He didn't really understand what he was doing, but soon the vessel was full. It was not the same as it had been, but it held together.

"Please…" He whispered, his head splitting open from pain.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" a voice from far away roared.

'_Shinji… Ikari?'_ He felt a response, before he was suddenly airborne.

Shinji collided with the floor, the aching in his head increasing exponentially as his skull cracked against the tile floor. He rose limply as someone gripped his shirt, dragging him from the floor. Shinji opened his eyes to see Toji, fist cocked to deliver a blow that would probably hurt Gendo Ikari with its fierceness.

"Nii-san?" A voice called weakly.

Shinji felt himself drop back to the ground, his head once again cracking against the unyielding tile. Oh spirits, the pain!

"I'm here Sakura-chan," Shinji heard Toji reply, tears evident in his voice, "And so are you!"

Shinji would have felt glad, but all he really felt was pain. He had thought that enduring the which pain Rei felt was the worst experience of his life. This far outmatched that. He felt like he had been hit by a semi-truck, then it had backed up specifically to roll over his head several times. For the moment, he simply lay there, twitching occasionally to remind himself that he was still alive.

After a time, Shinji felt strong arms lifting him up. The pain was swiftly fading to manageable levels, but before he could speak he found himself reclining in the bed opposite the little girl, who was now watching him with tired eyes. Shinji realized that it was Toji who had picked him up, and he braced himself for another attack.

"Relax," Toji said, "I… I'm just putting you in bed."

Shinji groaned a question. It may or may not have been intelligible.

"Here, take some of these." Toji said, pressing a few pills into Shinji's hand.

Shinji obeyed, his mind not quite lucid enough to question whether he should or not.

"I carry those with me for when I work out a little too hard," Toji explained, "You should feel a little better in half an hour. Nothing strong, just ibuprofen."

Shinji nodded, feeling his tongue unknot finally, "Why?"

Shinji saw a look of shame cross Toji's face, and the larger young man bowed until his upper half was parallel to the ground.

"Sakura-chan was mad," He replied, "She told me off, then said that you… that you called her back."

Shinji's eyes wandered over to the girl, who was fast asleep.

"She's asleep," Toji answered, still bowed, "But she said that I… That I needed to apologize for hurting you. Or she would never talk to me again."

Shinji summoned up some strength, "It's okay Toji… I understand why you did what you did. Please straighten up before you get stuck like that."

Toji obeyed, the remnants of tears in his eyes visible as he looked won at his classmate.

"Look, I…" He tried.

Shinji shook his head, "Let's talk later. I have a date at eleven, will you wake me up then?"

"Yeah." Toji replied, "I got you covered."

Shinji then relaxed, letting himself fall back and allowed the sweet release of darkness to take him.

XXXXXX

"Let's see now," The voice of Nii-san said, "Contingency thirty-seven eh?"

Shinji pulled himself up, staring at the mutilated form of his oldest friend and mentor, "Thirty-seven?"

"Hah!" Nii-san barked out a laugh, "Like I would actually number these things."

Nii-san tapped a set of cards he was holding in his hand as he rocked in the familiar chair. He looked wistful for a moment before looking at the place where Shinji had appeared.

"Same rules as last time, I'm still dead, and placing these triggers is tricky, so you just sit there and listen." He said, "I honestly hope that you'll never trip this one, because it's probably the most dangerous thing that you'll learn to do before… well, we'll save that for later."

Shinji took the lotus position and waited attentively while Nii-san gathered his thoughts.

"You've probably already learned to take the pain of others, so I won't spend much time there. Just know that the process takes a lot of energy which the Evangelion usually supplies when you connect with it. When it's just you and one of the Lilim, most of it comes from you. It's an ability which would have manifested on its own after years of piloting. I had to make a few changes to your body to let me take your pain when you needed it most, so I'm not surprised that it has shown up already. Also, don't ask me about that, and don't even try it. Not for many years at least."

Shinji gaped. Nii-san had done what?

"Moving on," Nii-san continued, "What you just did is extremely dangerous. The fact that you are listening to me means that you didn't just drop your soul into someone else's body and leave it there. If you did do that, then I am extremely disappointed at your lack of restraint. I thought I taught you better."

"Nevertheless, now that the cat is out of the bag I need to warn you. Pulling somebody back like that is an investment of your soul. It won't work on someone who has a hole in their heart, but it will work on a vegetable, or someone suffering a psychotic break. Your ability is all about connection, you can temporarily breach the barriers which keep us apart and pull somebody back, using a part of yourself as a scaffold to fix anything irreparably damaged. You'll be leaving a part of yourself inside them after taking such a deep dive, and if you do it too many times you'll tear yourself apart."

Nii-san smiled, "Despite that, I believe that what you did was for a good purpose. You have so much good in you Shinji, and I trust you to use what I have taught you for the good of all mankind. Trust in your heart, it will not often lead you astray."

Nii-san stood up, holding his arms open. Shinji stood and embraced the man, feeling the other's arms wrap around him in return, the warmth seeping down past his body and into his soul.

"I love you Shinji," Nii-san whispered into his ear, "No Angel, Demon, or man can ever take that from you."

XXXXXX

"Hey," Someone said, shaking his shoulder, "It's almost eleven."

Shinji groaned, the pounding in his head was now a dull thumping. He sat up, then gave himself a few moments to adjust before swinging his legs off the bed. Toji helped him up and kept him from swaying too much.

"You good?" Toji asked.

Shinji nodded, taking a moment to center himself, then opened his eyes, "Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just pain."

Toji gave him a strange look, but nodded, "Look, I uh…"

Shinji cut him off with a gesture, "Not now. We both need some time to think. I'm glad your sister is okay."

Toji smiled at that, glancing over at the sleeping girl, "Me too."

"I'm off," Shinji said, wobbling slightly on his first few steps, "Can't keep a beautiful woman waiting."

Toji gave him a tentative grin, "Okay, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Shinji nodded, "We'll talk then."

Toji watched the enigmatic new kid totter away. He was not entirely over the anger he felt towards the black haired pilot, but he was also half in shock at his sister's miraculous recovery. He had been arguing with his father about whether or not they should discontinue feeding her. The doctors had all said that she had sustained too much brain damage to regain consciousness.

The fact that Shinji had been here, holding her hand no less, when she had woken up confused Toji. His first instinct had been to beat him bloody, but what his sister had said…

He called me back.

Toji retook his seat next to Sakura's bed and waited to hear her lovely voice again, even if it was to chastise him when he admitted how he had treated his classmate.

* * *

A/N, Reprise: Hey guys,

I need your opinion on Nii-san's dream sequences. I almost feel like it's just an exposition dump to explain something cool in my head. If you would like to see less of them let me know, otherwise they will continue to appear alongside memories of the past.

Thanks for reading,

-Seratar

P.S. Anyone else hankering for a good battle? Coming soon! (1-3 chapters)


	9. Unseen Enemy

Better Angels

Chapter 9

Unseen Enemy

"And she ate the whole thing?" Tamako asked incredulously.

Shinji grinned at the nurse, "Yeah, I was amazed too."

Tamako patted Shinji's hand, which she had claimed the instant they were out of the hospital, tucking her own arm through it as they walked. Shinji had blushed at first, but Tamako's lively personality and quick wit had calmed him. Now they strode arm in arm down the street, chatting idly about things each had been doing in the time since they had last met.

"I'm glad that Rei-chan is doing so well," Tamako said, "I think you've been about the best thing that has ever happened to that girl."

Shinji didn't know how to respond to that. He felt embarrassed by the statement, but he also knew that he probably was good for his fellow pilot. Admitting out loud would be another thing though, so he stayed silent.

"Oh don't be that way Shinji," Tamako needled, "Just admit that you might have done something good for someone else."

"Okay." Shinji grimaced.

Tamako just smiled, then gestured as she pulled to a stop in front of an apartment complex, "Well, this is me. I'll let you get back to school unless…?"

Shinji felt suspicion creep into his voice, "What?"

She grinned salaciously, "Unless you want to come tuck me in?"

Shinji groaned and Tamako laughed at the look on his face. She patted his cheek and let his arm go, leaning in and giving him a kiss on the forehead.

"Don't be a stranger Shinji-kun," She trilled, heading for the apartment's entryway.

"Tamako Aida…" He muttered, watching as she disappeared inside.

Shaking himself back to reality with the assistance of the dull ache in his head, Shinji turned to catch sight of the black sedan which had been tailing them. He shook his head as a single thumbs up appeared out of the passenger window. Even his security detail seemed to delight in making him feel uncomfortable. Why was he surrounded by older women who liked to tease?

Shinji turned and trudged his way back towards school, completely drained from the time he had spent in the hospital and his worry over Hikari. He briefly considered skipping, rationalizing it to himself that he wasn't really learning anything. Duty eventually won out over convenience. He supposed that if he wanted to be able to do anything after the Angel crisis was over, other than open a food stand, he should probably at least graduate from high school.

That thought made him think about college. How long was the situation with the Angels supposed to last anyway? Was he destined to grow up fighting them once a month, once a year? As far as he could tell, Tokyo-3 did not yet possess a university of any kind. Sure, some of the most brilliant minds in every field were located here, but not a one of them was actually a qualified professor.

Shinji mulled these thoughts until he finally made it back to school. He reported to the office first to explain his unexpected absence. The principal himself, who was there at the time, told him not to worry about it, and that he would personally make sure that he received an excuse for his absence.

"Why don't you just rest until lunch, it's only ten minutes away and there's no point in disrupting class at this point." He suggested.

Shinji nodded, taking himself outside to sit under the tree which Hikari and he had claimed for themselves on that first day. The place seemed empty without the sternly vivacious presence of his friend. Shinji took the time to close his eyes and meditate, trying to re-center himself after all of the things that had happened on this crazy day.

Before long, Shinji felt the presence of someone approaching. He opened his eyes and saw Rei, accompanied by Sute, as they drew close.

"You left your bag in class." Rei explained.

Sute held out Shinji's book bag, which he took with a grateful smile. The ensuing silence was awkward for two of the three people under the tree. Sute finally muttered a quiet apology and left to sit with some other girls. Rei remained standing until Shinji patted the bench next to him. Rei sat on the opposite side.

"Why over there?" Shinji asked.

"That is Horaki-san's space," Rei explained, "I do not want to take her place."

Shinji looked at her curiously, "What's going on Rei?"

Rei turned to meet his gaze, her blood red orbs regarding him coolly. That gaze always unnerved him. Despite everything they had shared, Rei still only experience emotions in either unexpected bursts, or as muted echoes of what Shinji would describe them as. That absence always showed through her eyes, their lack of expressivity discomfiting.

"Unit-00 is almost ready to begin activation tests once again." She said.

Shinji shivered, "How are you feeling?"

Rei closed her eyes, searching deep inside herself before responding.

"I am… afraid, pilot Ikari," She admitted, "I have been ordered to report a week from Friday to carry out the activation of my unit."

"And you feel like you have one week left to live?" Shinji ventured.

Rei's eyes glistened ever so slightly as she spoke, "Yes."

Shinji held up his hand and Rei placed hers against his. Their fingers intertwined and they sank together into darkness. The mild discomfort of Rei's wounds was overshadowed by something dark and ugly. Fear and despair so profound that they were on the verge of swallowing her completely. The tatters of apathy and discipline floated as shredded paper on the wind about him.

Laid bare, Rei faced the uncertainty of the future without any kind of protection. Shinji felt his own despair as he realized that the reason for her breached defenses was his own work at trying to get through to her. The very act of trying to help her see her own worth had made her susceptible to this internal monster.

His own despair added to her own through the bond they shared, making the fear ever greater. The tiredness already weighing on Shinji brought him to his mental knees, the oppressing weight crushing his very soul. As breathing grew difficult, Shinji felt Rei pull away, breaking the connection.

Slammed back into his own body, Shinji gasped, leaning forward onto his knees. He stared at the ground as he tried to catch his breath.

"How can I face it when I have so much to lose now?" Rei asked.

Shinji shook his head, unable to find an answer. He had already given so much today. There were so many things pulling him in every direction. He was worried about Hikari, he was terrified of what was happening to Misato. Now Rei was starting to fall apart. Shinji saw the small sandcastle he had built being swept away on the tides of an unfair world.

"I don't know Rei," He said.

Rather than reply, Rei shuffled a little closer, her own body pressed against his. When he sat up Rei leaned her head on his shoulder. There they sat, an island of silence and despair surrounded by other knots of teens chatting and laughing with each other. They sat and thought of all of the things that could be, and wished for the things that should be.

XXXXXX

**Friday, 14 days since Sachiel**

"Synch ratio is holding steady at 17%" Maya reported, "How are you feeling Shinji?"

Shinji shrugged morosely, blowing a jet of fluid from his mouth. Ever since lunch yesterday he had been in a funk. Not even the normally calming acts of preparing food and cleaning had brought him solace. Even worse, Misato had not come home last night, leaving Shinji alone in the house for the first time since his arrival. The deep feeling of loneliness which had overcome Shinji at that point had left him staring at his ceiling until the early hours of the morning.

Rei had failed to show up for school today. Nobody really knew what she was up to, and Shinji honestly didn't feel up to hiking over to her house. It was at that moment that Shinji realized that he had never gotten Rei's number. He assumed she had one due to the fact that one of the first things he had been issued was a phone, complete with a full contact list of pertinent NERV personnel. Rei was not on that list.

"We're going to lower the plug depth Shinji." Ritsuko's voice came over the intercom, "Just try to focus on connecting with the Evangelion."

Shinji nodded, but his heart wasn't in it. Shinji felt a growing mental pressure as they brought him into closer contact with the core of the faux Evangelion. That presence he had felt the first time was there, but whenever he tried to reach out to it there was a sensation of brief connection, then it slipped away. Whatever it was, he didn't have a frame of reference to understand its reaching, and it seemed to lose interest in him as soon as it realized that.

"Okay Shinji," Ritsuko sighed, "That should be good for now, prepare for extraction."

Shinji nodded, feeling the plug slide up and back. He bid the plug technician a good day and trudged over to Ritsuko, who had been waiting for him on the gantry.

"What's going on Shinji?" She asked, "Your synchronization rate is abysmal today."

Shinji shrugged again, "Just a lot of personal stuff."

Ritsuko eyed him, "You do know that if you can't synchronize with your Evangelion we'll all likely die?"

Shinji's temper flared, "Of course I know that!"

Ritsuko's eyes widened temporarily, then grew cold, "Then whatever is keeping you down, I need you to figure it out. We don't know what kind of schedule the Angels are following, but the next one can't be too far away."

Something inside Shinji snapped, "Okay then Ritsuko, how about this. Maybe you can tell me why Rei, my fellow pilot, is being kept in a ghetto where I killed your last angel?! Doesn't she have any significance when it comes to the defense of the city?!"

Ritsuko took a step back, the heat of Shinji's anger literally washing over her. Her mind analyzed the sensation and made the connection that it was probably a psychosensory effect from the unbridled anger in the teen's eyes. Still, she had never felt someone's wrath so palpably, not even the Commander after Rei had-

"You're supposed to be taking care of us _Doctor Akagi._" Shinji growled, making the title sound like an epithet.

"The Commander has given strict instr-" She tried.

"The Commander can go to hell!" Shinji yelled, thrusting a finger at her, "You might be letting him screw you, but that doesn't mean he gets to bend the rest of us over!"

Ritsuko stared at Shinji in shock, _'How does he know about the Commander and I?'_

Shinji turned towards one of the ubiquitous cameras which were located throughout the facility, leveling his accusing finger at it.

"Do you hear me _father?!_" He yelled, "Whatever it is you are planning, whatever sick, twisted game you are playing, it ends here! Either start acting like a real Commander and take care of your troops, or the next time I get in my Eva I'm putting my fist through your office!"

He turned back to Ritsuko, his voice becoming a growl, "Medical exemption good doctor. Do your job."

Ritsuko, having recovered while Shinji ranted at the security footage, gave him an arched eyebrow. Juvenile outbursts failed to impress her, even ones fueled by a rage which she mildly understood.

"I'll tell you what Shinji, why don't we cut a deal?" She said, "You head right over to Unit-01 and jump into the plug so I can get some more data, and I'll make sure Rei gets moved into your complex. Hell, I'll even make sure she gets on the same floor as you."

Shinji regarded her suspiciously, "What's the catch?"

Ritsuko shrugged, "No catch, just twenty minutes in synch with your Evangelion. Misato is technically in charge when you get into Unit-01, so she calls the shots. We'll keep it on the down low, just you, me, and a few technicians."

Shinji felt a deep sense of dread at the thought of having to keep a secret from Misato. They had begun to build a bond of trust, if he gave in to Ritsuko's suggestion it might be damaged beyond repair. On the other hand, Rei had hit a stopping point. Shinji felt sure that bringing her closer would help with her social isolation. And then there was…

"I want something else." He countered.

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, "A bit demanding aren't we?"

Shinji raised a finger, "As warlord Akashi Tokugana said when he confronted the starving survivors of southern Japan, 'I have what you want, you will pay the price I demand.'"

Ritsuko chuckled, "I see you haven't been neglecting your studies."

"Post second impact history is a hobby of mine." He responded, "So, what will it be?"

"What is your price?" She asked.

Shinji told her, and Ritsuko smiled. She decided that she liked Shinji.

XXXXXX

"I'm initiating the startup sequence," Ritsuko said through the communicator, "Are you ready Shinji?"

Shinji nodded to her image, "Ready Ritsuko."

Ritsuko gave a grin to her co-conspirator and hit the enter button on the keyboard before her.

Shinji closed his eyes as energy flowed around the plug and through the Eva. He let himself slip into the void between consciousness and floated there, waiting for the Evangelion to awake. A growing light in the darkness warned him of her approach, and he braced himself. The Evangelion sent questioning tendrils out towards him, and he opened himself to her.

Having practiced with the sharing of pain, Shinji held himself slightly aloof when the light rushed towards him. The Evangelion was hungry for him, and a deep part of Shinji yearned for the connection as well. Despite the temptation, Shinji pushed her back, holding her at arm's length. Dissatisfaction like a tidal wave cascaded through the bond, but Shinji held fast. She finally settled down, content with the part of him that was now connected to and infusing her.

"Great job Shinji!" Ritsuko called, "Your vitals are holding steady and you've reached a synch ratio of 67%. I'm going to have to call Doctor Karapetyan and tell him that his golden girl has been officially dethroned."

"Who?" Shinji asked, giving her image a quizzical look.

Ritsuko waved an unconcerned hand, "The second child, she's been training to be a pilot since she was a child. On her best day she runs at 60%. You've reached The Embrace of Eternity."

"The what?" He asked, more confused now.

"It's a theoretical limit," Ritsuko explained as she began working at her terminal, "The first is Gehenna's Gate at 20%, that's the activation threshold. Anything lower than that won't actually activate the unit. The next is 50%, which we call The Edge of Limbo. Once you pass that you start unlocking the latent potential of the Eva."

"What happens when I pass The Embrace of Eternity?" He asked cautiously.

"Well, from the two times you've done it, I've been able to theorize that the connection grows strong enough to where the pilot is no longer just controlling the Eva, but is actually one with it. Your A-10 should become redundant, as the nerve implants in the Eva are bypassed by the connection" She replied.

"And past 100%?" He asked quietly now.

Ritsuko looked up, making eye contact with him, "The Road Home."

Shinji held eye contact, prompting her to go on.

Ritsuko sighed, "Theoretically, and that's all that this is, the Evangelion starts feeding information back into the pilot."

Shinji lowered his eyebrows, "But I already get visual and sensory feedback from my Eva."

Ritsuko shook her head, "Your nervous system is synchronized with the Evangelion right now. What you get is your own nervous system echoing the same impulses that are traveling to the Evangelion's brain. The A-10 headset allows for a one-way transfer of your motor impulses into the Eva when you want it to do something. When you enter The Road Home, those impulses travel directly from the Evangelion to you, rather than being mimicked by your body."

"What happens then?" He asked.

Ritsuko shrugged, "You're the only person who has done it, and it shouldn't be possible. I could throw out wild theories all day about what will happen to you if you sustain injury while on The Road Home, but they would just be guesses."

"So I should avoid synchronizing that high?"

Ritsuko hesitated, "Shinji, the higher your synch ratio, the more powerful you and your Eva will become. I'm not saying that you should never try to pass that limit, because there may come a day when you need to in order to win. I also admit to a level of scientific curiosity as to what will happen when you step past the limit that the rest of us thought was absolute."

Shinji grimaced, "Thanks."

"I am who I am Shinji," Ritsuko said, "I won't sacrifice what makes me, well, me, for anyone."

Shinji snorted, "I guess we're all just lab rats to you."

"In a way you are Shinji," Ritsuko replied, continuing her work, "The second child used to be the source of all of our information about the Evangelions. Now that you have surpassed her in that area, you're the prototype."

"Again, thanks." Shinji replied dryly.

"You're welcome," Ritsuko gave a smile, "It's nice to know that you're useful isn't it?"

Shinji pondered that sentence as they both fell silent, _'To feel useful… is that what Ritsuko feels about herself? Misato is tied up in her feelings about her own body. Maybe Ritsuko is wrapped up in the need to be useful to somebody, no matter what that use is.'_

Shinji quickly shut down that line of thinking, gagging slightly at the thought of Ritsuko with his…

"Everything okay Shinji?" Ritsuko asked, "You're starting to fluctuate."

Shinji sighed, bringing himself back to the level of focus needed to maintain the connection with Unit-01, "Sorry Ritsuko, just thinking about something."

Ritsuko snorted and got back to work, _'Teenagers.'_

The twenty minutes passed quickly, and when Shinji stepped down from the plug Ritsuko was waiting for him. The woman was slightly shorter than Shinji, which forced her to look up at him as he approached.

"Got what you wanted?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko nodded, "With extra to boot. I'll make sure Rei's transfer goes through due to medical concerns. If the Commander asks, it's due to exotic Angelic material contamination. As for your other request, just let me know, I'll make it happen."

Shinji grinned at her, "Okay Ritsuko, and thank you."

"Always glad to be of service." She replied with a small smile.

"Oh, one more thing." He said before turning away.

"I hope I won't regret this." Ritsuko murmured.

"Do you have Rei's number?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko instantly grew distant, "I do, but I think that's something that you should get from her personally. If she doesn't want to share it with you, then it is not my place to do so."

Shinji shrugged and grinned, covering up the burst of antipathy that shot through his system, "Neither of us has thought to exchange numbers yet since we see each other every day."

Ritsuko shook her head, "You need to be careful around Rei. She doesn't simply 'forget things,' if she wanted you to have your number then you would have it. The girl is cold, always has been. I know she has some kind of attraction to you Shinji, but if you encourage it then you will only get hurt."

Shinji scowled, "I'll thank you to not tell me who I should or should not spend my time with Ritsuko. You're hardly in any position to tell people that they shouldn't be spending time with people who will only end up hurting them."

Ritsuko flushed at that, "We're consenting adults Shinji, what happens between us is a private matter, and I'm old enough to know what is good for me."

Shinji shook his head, "I don't think you do Ritsuko. You might think you know my father, you might even think that he feels something for you other than carnal lust. I can guarantee you that he doesn't. I've seen the man exactly once since I've arrived at Tokyo-3, and that was an intimidation tactic to get me to pilot Unit-01."

"Don't trick yourself into thinking that he cares about you. There is one person that my father cares about, and that person sits on his high and mighty throne, moving us all like pawns in a twisted game that will end with more than a few of us dead."

Ritsuko felt sick in her stomach, "You have no idea what you are talking about Shinji."

She gave a significant look at a nearby camera, "You should watch your words when you are here at NERV. More than one person has been removed for a wagging tongue."

"My father has a use for me," Shinji laughed bitterly, gesturing at Unit-01, "Until he either finds a new pilot or I become incapable of doing so, he can't afford to get rid of me."

"Don't be so arrogant Shinji," Ritsuko warned, "Even you can eventually be replaced, if you become too much of a liability then you will be discarded. Now go, and don't mention this to me again."

Shinji felt the finality of the words. He eyed Ritsuko as she turned away from him. There was something more than annoyance in those eyes and in that posture. The way that she moved swiftly, as if to distance herself from the conversation, finally gave it away.

Ritsuko Akagi, the bogeyman according to Rei Ayanami, was afraid of even talking bad about Gendo Ikari.

Shinji shivered, not entirely from the cold of drying LCL on his body.

XXXXXX

Hot water swept away Shinji's cares, but it also scalded away the armor of cynicism which Ritsuko had girded him with during their encounter. The despair of his situation washed over him again. Rei should be moving into their complex soon, but that was no guarantee of any success in continuing to reach out to her.

His other request though…

Shinji smiled, the hot water suddenly become a solace again. Yes, things would work out. Nii-san had always told him that any situation could be overcome, if only you took it from another angle.

'_Now I just have to make sure that I don't die.'_ He thought grimly.

XXXXXX

Rei was staring out her window when she got the news. A simple text message on her phone told her that she was being relocated. The girl who had felt nothing felt… lost. This place had been her home for so long, it had been an anchor she could hold on to when things got rough.

"It is just a place." She told herself, "A medical reason for leaving is legitimate, and I am required to comply."

As a team of professionals entered her abode to begin packing her things, Rei remained in her chair, staring at the blood red sunset, wondering why she felt even more empty than when the day had begun.

XXXXXX

Shinji arrived home later than usual, and the small number of boxes he found waiting outside one of the apartments confirmed for him Ritsuko's compliance. Humming happily, he made his way to the apartment he shared with Misato. Upon entering he found that he was the last one home for a change. Even more surprising was the fact that Misato was trying to cook dinner, trying being the operating word.

A string of curses from the kitchen led Shinji there, where he watched Misato plead to, bargain with, and threaten the rice cooker. The teriyaki was on the verge of burning, and Shinji couldn't help but chuckle at the state of affairs.

"Shinji!" Misato yelped, "I didn't hear you come in!"

Shinji chuckled, taking pity on Misato and coming up beside her, quickly stirring the pre-packaged food she had simply thrown into a skillet. That done, he gently pushed her to the kitchen table while he deftly coaxed the rice cooker back into compliance.

"Should be another ten minutes Misato." He said, "Why don't you relax for a bit?"

Misato looked disgruntled, "I'm not helpless you know Shinji. I've survived… many years without you."

Shinji smiled through his own pain, "Of course Misato."

"I mean it!"

"Of course you do."

Misato grumped, but took his advice, turning on the TV to something completely braindead and letting herself vegetate while Shinji finished up their food.

"Did you see that someone is moving in across the way?" Misato called to him, "I wonder if they're bringing in some fresh blood."

The housing apartment in which they lived was NERV owned and operated, specifically for the use of NERV personnel. It was no surprise that she thought it was simply a new employee being brought in. The idea that it was a civilian was foreign to her thinking. Of course, NERV was still a civilian outfit, but the attitude of the employees there lay somewhere between professional and military, as evidenced by the fact that the tactical personnel all had ranks.

"Yeah, I saw it," Shinji replied airily, "I think that you might be surprised when you find out who it is!"

Misato turned a suspicious gaze on him, "What are you talking about Shinji?"

Shinji shrugged, placing their bowls on the table, "Let's eat."

After a few moments of eating, Misato finally gave in to her curiosity and set down her chopsticks.

"Okay Shinji, spill it." She demanded.

"I talked to Ritsuko today after my test," Shinji replied, "I was a little… harsh, but in the end she agreed to move Rei out of her old apartment."

"That easily huh?" Misato asked dangerously, "What did you have to give her."

"Nothing," Shinji lied, his face flushing slightly.

Misato's eyes narrowed. She knew that Shinji had just lied to her. The flush on his face and the rapid denial was just about as good as a level five interrogation suite when it came to Shinji. For all of the time she had known him he had been absolutely honest with her. In fact, the one time he had lied had been to tell her that she didn't look like a mess after her second day of alcohol withdrawals. Even then, the white lie might as well have been a firework sent up on a moonless night.

Misato contemplated the young man. Something had happened between him and Ritsuko, and Misato didn't like it. It was true, Ristuko and her had been very good friends. In a way, they still were. But ever since they had both started working for NERV they had grown distant. Ritsuko was consumed with her work, and Misato with… other things. Now she had Shinji wrapped up in something, and she didn't like it one bit.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Misato asked gently, curbing her anger.

Shinji dropped his eyes, his blush growing, "Of course Misato-san."

'_No everything Misato-san'_ he thought sadly, _'I'm so sorry'_

Misato sensed that she was at a tipping point. She could push and possibly get her answer, but only at the risk of pushing the boy away. She had put a lot of effort in to making this place a home where Shinji felt comfortable. Now her own suspicion and what passed for maternal instinct were warring with her understanding that teenagers sometimes needed to keep secrets from their parents.

Misato chuckled out loud as she thought of that. Shinji's parent? Misato was nowhere near qualified to be a parent to a normal child, let alone to one with several papers' worth of mental issues to deal with. As his guardian, she was little more than a roommate, but as a friend, she thought she could be more than just that.

"Okay Shinji," Misato said, "I know you aren't telling me everything, but that's ok. I trust you."

Shinji felt a deep sense of shame at that. He knew that the synchronization test was one of the few things which Misato had specifically forbidden. Going behind her back had been necessary, but it still filled him with regret.

"Thanks Misato." Shinji replied quietly, keeping his eyes down.

They finished their meal in silence and both headed to bed early, hoping for something better to come with the dawn.

XXXXXX

**Saturday, 15 days since Sachiel**

Shinji was awoken by a small avalanche hammering on the front door of his apartment. He jumped to his feet and slid his room door open just as Misato did the same. They looked at each other, then made a beeline for the door.

Misato got there first, throwing the door open, "Is it an Angel?!"

Sergey stood in the doorway, his expression somber, "No, it is pilot Ayanami."

Shinji felt ice crystallize in his veins, "What is it?"

Sergey looked past the striking figure of Misato to him, "We've lost her."

Misato was down the hallway, her shirt halfway off, "I'll be out in a minute!"

Shinji followed her, diving into his room and throwing on some clothes. He reappeared at the door with Misato, and they followed Sergey out into the early morning. The sun began to peek from behind the horizon as Sergey led them towards a black sedan.

"She had just been moved into her new residence," He explained, "Our midnight check in was unable to find her. We followed standard procedures, but it has been over four hours and we've still had no luck."

"What have you checked?" Misato asked.

"All of her normal haunts," Sergey replied, "Although that is mainly the school, NERV, and her old residence. No signs so far."

"Do you know why she's gone?" Shinji asked.

Sergey shook his head, "She seemed normal, for Rei. Although now that I think about it she seemed more like the Rei we knew before you Ikari-san."

Shinji felt a pit form deep in his stomach, "Is this my fault?"

Sergey stopped, turning to face him, "No Shinji. Rei is capable of making her own choices. I was hoping that you might have some insight into where she might have gone."

Shinji rubbed his chin, "Have you checked the hospital?"

Sergey shook his head, "I'll send a team. Misato, you're going with-"

"I'm solo." Misato replied coldly, "As far as I'm concerned this is now a battle. I'll be giving the orders."

Sergey paused, then nodded, ceding control to the violet haired captain.

Misato turned to Shinji, "You head out with whatever members of Noble team are on duty. See if anything comes to your head. Sergey, order your team to fan out and start knocking on doors. The girl is hard to miss."

Sergey nodded, disappearing. Noble-1 and Noble-2 appeared next to Shinji in the next instant, taking charge of their principal.

"Looks like you're with us Purple." Noble-1 grinned, "Just stay close, I don't want Blue to bite your head off when we find her."

Noble-2 snorted, "The girl adores him One."

Noble-1 shrugged, "You should have seen me after my last boyfriend found me after a bender…"

"You and Ayanami-chan are hardly alike." Noble-2 replied.

"Can you two stop bickering?" Shinji growled.

The two agents glanced at him and each other, then fell silent with mirthless chuckles.

"Where to Purple?" Noble-1 asked.

Shinji stood for a moment, running through his own mind. Rei Ayanami was highly intelligent, but not he most creative person. Kraken team had already checked all of the places that she often frequented, so that left him with nothing obvious. Shinji dug deeper into his mind, taking his forehead into one hand as he thought.

Rei was feeling lost and afraid. Shinji flayed himself internally for leaving her alone for so long. Of course she was likely to do something. Not only was she feeling at her most vulnerable due to fear of impending death, she was becoming more sensitive emotionally, which would have doubled the effects of that fear. He had been so wrapped up in his own problems when they had spoken that he had failed to realize that she had been trying to call for help.

Cursing, Shinji pounded his head, where could she be!

Noble-1 touched his shoulder gently, "Hey kid, take it easy for a moment."

Shinji shook his head, "I can't. If I had had my eyes open yesterday I would have seen this coming. Instead, we're here now, and I need to come up with something to fix this."

Noble forced his head up with her hands on either side of his face, "Listen to me Purple. You're just one sixteen-year-old kid. The chances that you could have averted this crisis are almost zero. Stop blaming yourself and put that massive orange you call a head to work doing something productive rather than blaming yourself."

Shinji stared at her defiantly for a second before deflating, "Okay."

"Sit," She commanded, "You're the closest thing Ayanami-chan has to a friend. Where would she go?"

"I… Don't know." Shinji admitted, "Some friend I am."

"Think harder." She urged, turning to scope out her surroundings.

Shinji closed his eyes, slipping into darkness. Alone inside of himself, he concentrated on Rei Ayanami. He imagined her blue hair and red eyes, her almost full figure, which would never rival Misato's, but would be more than beautiful. He thought deeper, imagining the indifference that had once characterized her, and the now fetal emotions which had awoken themselves inside her. Then he felt the wave of fear which had descended upon her.

He saw her, standing alone against that tide, and realized what he had done wrong. Tears dripped from his real eyes as he saw her trying to stand alone, defiant despite the weaknesses he had bestowed upon her. She was like a child confronting a charging rhino, and he had simply left her to her devices. He had left an infant to try and fight something that would have crushed a full grown woman.

Then he felt it, something tugged at a deep place in his chest.

"We need to go to the old city." He said, "As close to the crater as we can get."

"That's a restricted zone," Noble-2 said, "They'd stop us before we got close."

Noble-1 grinned, "I thought you liked a challenge Two. Let's go Shinji, lead the way."

XXXXXX

The area around the crater where Sachiel had completed its final death throes was a wasteland. Noble-2 had stayed behind to 'distract' the JSSDF personnel who were charged with keeping people away from the destruction. Shinji had been mortified when the woman had stripped almost completely naked and sauntered over to those men. Some of the things she had suggested…

"Eyes up Purple," Noble-1 ordered, "We're in hostile territory."

"We're in a dead place," Shinji replied quietly, "Can't you feel it?"

The ground around them was almost hallowed with its quiet. It was like the place had become uninhabitable after the attack. As they had drawn closer to where his first opponent had killed itself, the sounds of animals, then insects, had faded to nothing, leaving them facing scores of ruined buildings. Shinji had felt especially cold when he saw shifted rubble next to a building, blood still staining the stones from what had probably been a trapped person.

As they picked their way towards the crater, Shinji realized that there was a single, no, two figures in the middle of the crater. Squinting his eyes, he realized that the first was Rei, her blue hair unmistakable even from a distance. The other was a man in a simple suit. He stood above Rei as she curled up on the ground, a possessive hand on her shoulder.

Shinji took off at a run, despite Noble-1 calling after him. With a curse she took off after the young man, but her own endurance and speed couldn't match the wings which his desperation lent him. As he drew close, the man held up a hand.

"That's close enough Shinji-san." The figure said.

Shinji skidded to a stop, the slight menace in the man's words stopping him in his tracks. Six meters separated them, but to Shinji it felt as if he were watching Rei from across a depthless chasm. Her eyes were hollow, and her legs were curled up against her chest as she hugged them to herself. She didn't seem to notice that he was here.

Noble-1 skidded to a stop next to Shinji, her sidearm leveled at the man, "Step away from the girl sir, or I blow a hole in your chest."

The man tilted his head, but complied, stepping back, "Of course Kasumi-san."

"On your knees!" Noble-1 growled.

Shinji examined the man. He was nondescript, of average height and with short, brown hair. His eyes though… they glowed with an inner light if you looked closely enough. A golden radiance that danced briefly in the iris if you caught it.

The man failed to comply, and addressed Shinji, "Hello Ikari-kun. I had been wondering who the other pilot was. It seems as if this diversion has provided more than intended. I won't say I'm not grateful."

"What did you do the Rei?" Shinji snarled, taking a step forward, "If you've hurt her…"

The man laughed, "More than you already have Shinji-kun? I just told her the truth about you and all your wonderful plans for her. I didn't even have to go and get her, she came to me here looking for something to help fight the fear that you've so cleverly instilled in her."

"I didn't do that!" Shinji yelled.

"Didn't you?" He asked, "Tell me, if you had left well enough alone, do you think that she would be in this state right now? This fragile abomination is the worst of you filthy Lilim. She's so close to the mother that I can smell the stink of her through that shell. Yet for all that she resembles her, she's insignificant and broken on the inside."

Shinji let rage wash away the guilt for now, "Who are you?"

"Perhaps you should ask your… Nii-san?" The man replied, then grinned at the shock on Shinji's face, "Oh yes. That meddling old man thought he could interfere with what we have planned."

The man seemed to look through him for a moment, then smiled broadly, "Ah, but you can't can you! I can smell him on you, but it's old. He must be dead. Oh, what a wonderful turn of events. He probably sacrificed himself to save you from Sachiel. What a fool."

The man reached for his pocket, "Honestly Shinji, to thi-"

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

One shot punched through the man's chest, then two more blasted red mist out the back of his head. The light in those eyes sparkled for a moment, suspending the corpse in the air, then he slumped to the ground. Light welled out from the body, drifting past Shinji and Noble-1.

_I am Light reborn. The Heavenly Host stands against you Shinji Ikari. Weep, and know despair._

Shinji swayed and Noble-1 steadied him.

"That was some weird buzzing," She commented, "let's get Rei."

Shinji remembered the bluenette and lunged forward. Dropping to the ground next to her, he wrapped his arms around him. For all the response he got, he might well have been embracing stone.

"Rei?" He asked softly.

Her eyes rotated to take him in, then swiveled back to the far distance.

"Rei, I'm sorry." He wept.

Rei continued staring at a point in the distance. When he tried to reach through the darkness, he felt only despair. As far as he could tell, the Rei he knew and cared for was gone.

"What have I done?" He whispered, still cradling the broken girl.

The harsh light of day washed over them, it's blistering intensity scorching away the last vestiges of hope.

XXXXXX

"Report." Gendo Ikari snarled, barely keeping his fingers from the throat of the head of engineering standing before him.

"Sir," The woman gulped hard, "It looks like the devices were smuggled in over the past two weeks as parts, then assembled and placed during the chaos this morning."

"And no one decided that maybe they should check on anomalous materials being dumped into the Evangelion's LCL pool?"

"Sir," The woman protested, "By the time you get to the Evangelion cages we don't monitor for things like that. The materials should have been caught on their way in!"

"The head of security is already looking for a new job on the equatorial belt," Gendo replied, "You are a hair's breadth from joining him. Now tell me what needs to be done to fix it."

"Sir, we'll need at least a week, the entire left leg was blown completely off. It looks like some of the charges on the upper left were faulty, so that's not a problem. Whoever did this knew exactly where to exploit the weaknesses of the armor."

"Weaknesses?" Gendo asked dangerously, "We send those things out to defend humanity and you tell me they have weaknesses?"

"They're hardened sir," She explained, "but the charges were inserted under those hard points."

"So we have an enemy inside…" Gendo pondered.

"It's the only logical conclusion." The Engineer agreed, feeling sick.

"Very well," Gendo replied, "Make sure sweeps are carried out hourly from here on out. The next time something like this happens you will be lucky if you leave this room alive."

The engineer gulped, "Sir…"

Gendo raised an impatient eyebrow and she continued, "What are we going to do?"

Gendo sighed, rubbing his temples, "What we must. Go, and make it five days."

The engineer saluted and practically ran from the room. Gendo picked up the picture of his late wife, caressing the portrait.

"Show me what to do Yui," He pleaded, "The scrolls have failed us, and the old men are applying pressure at every point. What do I have to do to have you back?"

The moment of weakness passed quickly, and the hardened man once again stared out across his deceptively large office. Before him lay a single scrap of paper, a stylized double H scrawled below a message.

_We will rise again_

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

This was supposed to be a lighter chapter, I promise. Every time I wrote in something that would ease the burdens being heaped on the characters it just felt wrong. So now you get this mess and I have to help Shinji and co. figure out how to pull themselves out of the problems I've made for them.

Stay tuned, and remember, no matter what pops out onto my word processor,

Hope never dies.


	10. Breaking Dawn

Better Angels

Chapter 10

Morning Breaks

**Wednesday, 19 days after Sachiel**

"Blue pattern confirmed," Maya called through the bridge, "The fourth angel has arrived."

Misato stood at the helm of the command center, glaring at the creature flowing sinuously over the water towards Tokyo-3. At this rate, it would be another two hours before contact with the outer defensive grid was made. Airstrikes had already proven ineffective, including an N2 drop, which had generated a tidal wave which had wiped out a small coastal town. The JSSDF's response was pitiful as usual, and the outer ring would only do slightly more to anger the creature heading towards them.

Worse yet, they were down to one pilot, and the Evangelion he was assigned to was still out of commission. Further inspection of the damage had revealed trace elements of some exotic matter which was inhibiting the natural regeneration of the Evangelion. Ritsuko was working feverishly on a counter-agent, but so far her efforts had met with little success.

Rei Ayanami was trapped in a fugue state ever since her encounter with the leader of the so-called Heavenly Host. She still performed the actions of eating and sleeping, but she would regularly soil herself rather than use the facilities voluntarily, and all attempts at communication had been met with silence.

Shinji had sunk into a depression, spending every waking moment at the hospital by Rei's side. Misato had arranged for Hikari Horaki to visit him, but their brief encounter had only resulted in the girl leaving with tears in her eyes. Whatever had dragged humanity's two only hopes down had them pinned, and the referee was counting down.

"Begin artillery bombardment when it comes into range," Misato ordered, "I have to go see about a pilot."

"Commander Ikari is already on his way to the hospital ma'm," Makoto replied, "He sent orders for you to stay put."

Misato gritted her teeth, _'What's his play?'_

"Alright then, stand everyone down to condition two for the next hour," Misato called out, "Get something to eat or take a cat nap, whatever you want. If you're not back here in an hour and a half then pack your bags and leave the city. Inform the engineering section that they are being stepped up to condition one, and if they don't have one of my Evas ready by the time that ugly pissant comes in range of the outer line, then I will come down there and shoot them all one by one myself."

"Ma'm!" The others cried out in unison.

"Come on you bastard," Misato growled, "Come and get us. At the very least I'm going to make you choke on us when you swallow."

The long, segmented torso of insect-like armor continued towards NERV and the secret which it held deep beneath its surface. Death was coming for them, and they were sorely unprepared.

XXXXXX

Up in the hospital another confrontation, one less apocalyptic but no less important, was taking place.

"Get her up." Gendo ground out to his escort.

The two men in suits proceeded towards Rei, only to be blocked by Shinji, who, upon the arrival of his father, had recovered miraculously from his funk. Now the teenager's eyes blazed with fury at the man.

"Like hell!" He roared, "She can't even walk on her own, how do you expect her to pilot?"

Gendo stepped forward and slapped Shinji across the face, "I am your father boy, you will obey me and stand aside."

Shinji took the blow, his fury overwhelming the crying child in the back of his head, "Is that all you have you old bastard!"

"Enough." Gendo snarled, gesturing to his two other agents.

As they approached, Shinji flowed backwards, falling into a fighting stance. The two agents looked questioningly at Gendo who only nodded. They settled into fighting stances as well and had Shinji pinned in a matter of seconds. The teen struggled valiantly, but experience was not on his side, and a competition of two on one is never fair, no matter how skilled the one.

Shinji roared his frustration, his face pressed against the floor as the two agents moved towards Rei's bed. When they failed to get Rei to hold herself up, a gurney was trundled in, and Shinji watched as they began to transfer her to it. The memory of the first time they had met resonated in his heart, and it was too much to take.

"Let me do it!" He screamed.

Gendo held up a hand to the men preparing to move Rei onto the gurney, then knelt down next to his prostrate son.

"What?" He asked.

"I'll pilot Unit-00." Shinji growled.

"Impossible," Gendo said, "The unit was designed for Rei, and she hasn't even been able to awaken it yet."

"I can do it!" Growled Shinji, "Just put me in there. What do you have to lose?"

Gendo considered his son for a long moment. The truth was that he had been hoping to drive his son towards this very scenario. He had made it a point to be informed of the situation of both pilots ever since Rei had been abducted. Based on projections and his own intuition, Shinji would never have stepped into the plug of Unit-00 on his own.

If however he could threaten something that Shinji cared for…

"Very well," Gendo said, gesturing to the two agents to let him up as the man himself rose, "Prepare yourself pilot Ikari. The fate of humanity rests in your hands once again."

Shinji shrugged off the grip of his captors as they helped him to his feet. Glaring at his father, he felt only a deep loathing overlaid by a burning hatred. The man really had no moral compass. Rei was incapable of speech, let alone piloting a giant robot against an enemy who was prepared to kill them all. What had he been thinking?

"If anything happens to her while I'm gone," He warned, "I'm coming for you father."

Shinji pushed past his father, his fiery gaze and aura of fury burning a path through the hospital halls as a full-scale evacuation took place. He thought he spotted Tamako ushering some walking wounded over to the emergency shelter but didn't bother to check. His path was clear, his goal was set.

He was met outside by Noble-3 and Noble-4, who fell in with him, shooting dark looks at Gendo's security detail as they tried to follow. Noble-3 held the door for Shinji while Noble-4 dropped herself into the driver's seat.

"You ready to raise some hell kid?" Asked Noble-3, a grin on his face.

"Let's go kill something." Shinji replied darkly, almost looking forward to crushing the angel with Unit-00's hands.

Of course, there was no guarantee that the Evangelion would actually start, but that was purely a matter of technicality. If he had to, Shinji was willing to launch in the paraplegic Unti-01 and crawl his way hand over hand through the city to get that skyscraper sized behemoth in his grasp. He was also ready to beat the personality of Unit-00 into submission rather than let Rei get back into that thing in her current state.

Noble-4 did a good job of putting Misato's driving skills to shame, and quickly deposited Shinji outside the entrance to NERV HQ. Shinji stepped out, Noble-3 flanking him as he hurried inside. The emergency elevator yielded to his ID card, and soon they were whisked downward into the heart of the complex, past the offices and down through the geofront.

"Nervous?" Noble-3 asked, noting Shinji's clenched fists.

Shinji sighed, "Yeah… I was just mad before, but all this time between now and then… What if I can't do this?"

"Don't chicken out on me now kid," Noble-3 cajoled, "I've got five hundred yen on you stomping that thing within a half hour. If you can't even get off the launch rails then you can kiss my money goodbye."

Shinji smiled at the gallows humor, "Who bet against me?"

"Sergey," Noble-3 replied, "He said something about a pre-pubescent girl whipping you in her sleep."

Shinji snorted, "Sounds like Sergey."

"Funny thing is," He added musingly, "One of the JSSDF officers in the bar tried to claim that the military would stop it. So Sergey bet him a thousand yen that you would win in under twenty minutes from contact."

Shinji turned to stare at the man, "What?"

Noble-3 shrugged, "I don't try to understand Russian psychology kid, neither should you."

'_Besides'_ Shinji heard Sergey's voice in his head, _'If I win, then I will gladly pay Three and pocket five hundred for myself. Now the JSSDF has less money, and Three is my friend!'_

Shinji admired the craftiness of the man the more he thought about it. With a little smile, Shinji faced the elevator door as it opened. Noble-3 noticed the change in demeaner and gave himself a small pat on the back.

Shinji stepped onto the gantry, which was bustling with activity as engineers, technicians, and other NERV personnel hurried about. While some activity was occurring around Unit-01, the majority of it was concentrated around Unit-00, which was suspended next to his own Evangelion.

"Shinji!" Ritsuko called, gesturing to him from in front of Unit-00, "Come on! We need to get you in here to begin the activation sequence."

Shinji bid Noble-3 farewell and hurried over to the scientist.

"Put this on," Ritsuko said, tossing him a plugsuit in a sealed plastic bag, "You have five minutes."

Shinji ran to the locker room, quickly pulling the suit on and depressing the wrist switch, causing the material to become skintight. The trepidation he normally felt at the way it made him look was gone as he hurried back to the entry area for Unit-00's plug.

"Okay Shinji," Ritsuko said, handing him an A-10 headset, "You've got about one and a half hours until the Angel breaches our outer perimeter. It won't reach the city until a half hour after that, but the longer it takes to bring this thing to life, the more people are likely to get hurt."

Shinji nodded, fitting the headset, "You can count on me."

Ritsuko nodded grimly, "I hope so Shinji, in you go."

Shinji dropped into the plug, catching sight of Kodama Horaki shooting him a thumbs up as she rushed past. The plug slid down and forward, bringing him into contact with Unit-00.

"Can you hear me Shinji?" Ritsuko called over the communicator.

"Yes Ritsuko." Shinji replied, settling into the seat, "I'm ready to go when you are."

"Everything is primed, we're synchronizing the A-10 now, prepare for activation." Ritsuko responded, "And Shinji… good luck."

Shinji smiled, "Thanks doctor."

Ritsuko stepped back from the entry scaffold, hurrying back into the control room to monitor the activity from there.

Shinji closed his eyes and let the darkness take him as shimmering colors shone around him. Like the activation of Unit-01, Shinji felt the presence grow gradually, then began questing for what it needed to complete itself. Shinji reached back, feeling the Evangelion hesitate as it failed to recognize the person in the pilot's seat. The sensation was altogether different from when Unit-01 embraced him. He usually had to push it away, this time he had to go chasing the sensation.

"Shinji, how are you doing?" Ritsuko broke through his concentration, "You're hovering at 16%. Can you go any deeper?"

"It's hard to connect." He responded, "This is nothing like Unit-01."

"The OS in Unit-01 is custom built to accept you as its user." Ritsuko replied, "Unit-00 was made for Rei to pilot. This may not be working Shinji."

"Hold on," Shinji replied, "I'm going to try something else, give me a half hour."

"Roger." Ritsuko replied.

Shinji closed his eyes, slipping deeper into a trance. He felt the presence of the Evangelion, it was incomplete, but it was still reticent to form the connection between them. Instead of reaching after it, he thought of Rei Ayanami. He projected the things that he felt when they touched, her strength, badly waning, but still vital in many ways. He projected her love for ordered things. He projected the trust that she had placed in him.

He felt the Evangelion respond. It reached back, touching his own soul tentatively. Shinji restrained himself from trying to grasp at it, feeling that such a move would probably send the skittish hybrid into a berserker rage. Instead, he simply let her reach out and feel him. It felt the bond that he shared with Rei, and slowly extended itself to envelop him.

Shinji accepted the contact, and the wellspring of emotion which flowed into him almost caused his heart to stop.

"The pilot's vitals are dropping!" Someone said in the distance.

"Synch ratio is spiking, we're hitting 80%" Someone else called, "He's doing it!"

"Shinji!" A familiar voice yelled, "Can you hear me?"

Shinji felt contempt as he looked up at a brown haired woman. He remembered saying something to her, then the feeling of hands closing around his neck was followed by a slow descent into darkness. Then the pain began.

Oh, the pain.

Shinji screamed. Something inside him was being torn asunder. It was being ripped away to feed a monster. He tried to get away, but as he swam through an infinite void of stars, a part of him was left behind. Suddenly he was the part left behind as the last threads binding them together were shredded. He found himself alone in the cold and dark.

Joy without temperance flowed through his being, making him giddy beyond words. Lust without restraint set his heart racing. Red eyed, blue haired girls danced through his mind, laughing, crying, screaming, wailing, roaring…

And on it went.

A part of Shinji soon became detached, watching his soul wracked with the affliction of the creature that animated Unit-00. He watched indifferently while his own body released howls of agony at the things tearing through him. Curious, he reached for the Evangelion again, even as it sought to destroy him.

Tattered remnants greeted his touch, and he knew that feeling.

'_Rei?'_ he quested.

The realm grew silent. His body relaxed, though he was not sure if it was dead now.

'_Rei Ayanami?'_ He tried again.

The spirit of the Eva turned its attention to Shinji, as gentle now as it had been violent before. As he watched, its form blurred and twisted, taking on the forms of various version of Rei who could do nothing _but_ feel.

'_You are Rei Ayanami!'_ He called.

The shaped coalesced as he gave it form within his own thoughts. It was Rei, red eyes filled with so much emotion that he barely recognized her. He wrapped the bundle of feelings that lay before him in the body of the young woman he knew, bringing a small measure of order where there was none.

'_Ikari?'_ The being asked.

Shinji nodded, and understanding flowed through him as the girl's face twitched as emotions tore through her without restraint.

'_Let me share your pain.'_ He said, reaching out his hand.

The image tilted its head in an imitation of his Rei, _'I will kill you'_

The statement was spoken with pain, rage, agony, lust, and a myriad of other emotions.

'_Maybe'_ He admitted, _'But if we do not, then we die anyway'_

He tried sending a picture of the Angel approaching, of the destruction already lying in its wake, and the destruction yet to come. The other Rei reached out, taking his hand, and they became one.

Shinji cackled as he was slammed back into his own body. He could already tell that something was broken. Probably a rib. Irrelevant at the moment.

"Send me up Ritsuko!" He cackled, "We're going for the moon today!"

"Shinji?" Ritsuko asked, "Your synch ratio is fluctuating, I don't think you can."

"DO IT!" He screamed, rage flowing through him, "DO IT NOW!"

"Shinji, I-" She tried again.

"Either do this now, or start shooting everyone!" Shinji sobbed, "Just send me out before it becomes too much!"

Silence answered him, and he worried that they were going to cut the connection. Instead, he felt his internal organs compress down into his abdomen, causing his hysterical laugh to cut off in a gasp. When Unit-00 finally crashed to the surface, Shinji had a better hold of himself.

"Shinji, it's Misato!" Misato called over the communicator, "We're sending you a progressive knife. Don't lose it, Unit-00 hasn't been reconfigured for combat yet and there's no replacement."

"Got it," Shinji replied, suppressing a giggle, "Don't screw up."

He retrieved the knife from a nearby container that rose up from the ground, feeling the weapon activate as he took it in his hand. The weight was… comforting. His few sessions with Sergey and the more extensive ones with Nii-san had taught him how to turn the simple blade into a deadly weapon, which brought him a measure of comfort for the coming conflict.

"It should be coming over the mountain straight ahead, standby for suppressing fire as it clears the horizon." Misato said, "Hang in there Shinji, wait until my command to engage."

"Shinji, Lieutenant Ibuki here," The science officer cut in, "Your AT field is fluctuating, can you try to stabilize it?"

Shinji closed his eyes, feeling the cloak of light extending out from his body. Maya was right, the web of power was… flickering. Shinji reached deeper into himself, trying to touch the soul of the Eva again. The responding contact was a cacophony of emotions, forcing Shinji to center himself before he tried going deeper.

'_Let me be your anchor Rei-chan,' _Shinji whispered in his mind, _'Lend me your power, and take what I have to give.'_

The chaos solidified around him, the madness of the soul within the Evangelion crystallizing around him in a moment. He felt a measure of himself flow through that connection, causing the fluctuations to take on a less random pattern.

"Shinji, you're spiking to 96%," Maya called, "Everything okay?"

Shinji ignored her, the insanity which swallowed the spirit of the Eva now nestled within his mind. One by one he wrapped up each of those feelings and parceled them to a place in his mind where they belonged. He felt the Eva's soul imitating him, and the randomness faded further until a solid feeling of strength flowed between them which was only occasionally disrupted by flashes of madness from the tormented thing.

'_We fight as one Rei-chan'_ He whispered to her, _'And when this is over I will find a way to heal you.'_

The spirit within the Eva rallied to him. Shinji opened his eyes and the Eva's own optical receptors responded in kind. Shinji felt the heat of the wind flow across his armored body. He extended the cloak of fury and terror which made him a weapon of war, and the air crackled with its might.

"Pilot has stabilized at 52%," Maya reported, "Hold onto that Shinji, here it comes!"

A cascading roar of thunder walked itself down the mountain before him, covering the advance of the angel, but also giving him cover of his own. Lowering himself to a crouch, Shinji prepared for the terror to come.

"Bombardment complete!" Misato yelled, "Take it down Shinji!"

Shinji propelled Unit-00 into action. The oneness had faded and he was once again in the cockpit of the beast, but it was responding to his commands now, rather than cycling through a storm of insanity. He felt mild fluctuations of anger and fear flow through the connection as he approached the smokescreen, the sympathetic echoes in his own heart filling him with dread as he waited for the monster ahead to be revealed.

Suddenly it was there. Long, segmented armor plates ran along its long, lithe hide. It had reared back at some point during the bombardment, revealing a chest full of sparkling rubies, the core sitting just below them. A pair of tentacles dangled from the cross which made up its form, twitching in anticipation.

And then everything went wrong.

Needles of fire ploughed through the flimsy steel plate of Unit-00's armor as those rubies propelled themselves beyond the speed of sound and straight through Unit-00. Inside the plug LCL began to erupt from at least six different holes which had been punched clean through the relatively fragile device. Feedback pain cut his body asunder in sympathetic pain as the spirit of Rei Ayanami howled in agony with him.

"We're losing LCL from the plug!" Someone yelled, "Multiple structural failures in the armor of the unit. Pilot is intact!"

"Pull back Shinji!" Misato yelled, "We have to re-evaluate."

A lucid Shinji would have liked to obey, but his own fury had combined with that of that of a little girl who had been locked in a closet over ten years ago. Both beings howled together, throwing themselves at the creature. Tentacles of light arced towards him, but he twisted with grace beyond anything Shinji could have accomplished alone.

Crashing into the Angel, Shinji realized that his knife was gone, probably dropped in the shocking salvo which had torn through his body moments ago. Rage propelled the fist of Unit-00 into the core of the Angel, sending cracks spiderwebbing across its surface before the creature twisted away from its tormentor, laying down another web of sparkling flame across the hull of Shinji's Eva.

"More penetrations!" Shigeru Aoba reported, "Integrity of the right arm armor is critical. It's just not meant to stand up to this beating sir, any more and it's going to… Wait, what the hell is he doing?!"

Shinji felt the wrongness encasing the arm of the Eva, so he reached over with his left hand and tore the flimsy protection free, hurling it at the Angel. A twitch of tentacles sundered the metal pauldron apart before it could reach his tormentor, and Shinji growled, flexing the otherworldly muscle that now lay exposed.

"Shinji!" Misato yelled, "Fall back to section B6, we have another knife coming up."

Shinji, after delivering an almost fatal blow, had regained control of his senses. Realizing the wisdom of her words, he slowly began to step backwards, only to suddenly be forced into an awkward backpedal as the Angel twisted at him in a sudden rush of bestial fury. When the dust cleared, Shinji had two more holes in his plug, and the Angel now lay between him and the weapon he needed.

"Impossible!" Misato hissed, "It knew what we were planning!"

Shinji rolled a shoulder, grimacing as pain filtered through the Eva's nervous system and into his. He was currently suppressing a tide of the stuff and it was beginning to drain his mental reserves. At some point he was sure he would just black out from it, but for now he was able to endure. He held still, sizing up his opponent as its tentacles lazily twirled in the air before him.

A sudden change in its attitude warned him of a strike an instant before it happened. Bracing himself to rush when it did, Shinji was caught off guard as it swept a tentacle along the ground. For a moment Shinji was confused, then the plug around him dimmed to blood red, a large counter appearing at the very top of his vision, informing him that he had exactly one minute until he was dead.

"Shinji run!" Misato yelled.

"To where Misato?" He yelled back, realizing what the angel had just done.

Misato's stomach dropped into her feet as she realized what the pilot had. Shinji was cornered now. He could either charge and hope to win or run and know that he would eventually run out of energy and lose. In either case he was probably dead, one of those options just brought his death sooner. Misato refused to accept that fate for her friend.

Misato clenched her fist, "Shinji, get that bastard! CHARGE! Aoba, realign the southern batteries to target on the Angel."

Shinji complied with a roar of fury, fifty-five seconds left on his timer. Ruby blades pierced his plug again and again as the Angel unleashed a barrage greater than the first two, but once again, Shinji was protected by luck and the twitching of Rei's spirit within the Eva as it sought to protect him. More pain flowed through Shinji and the Eva, but he was past feeling.

The tentacles slashed out again, forcing Shinji to twist sideways to avoid the strikes. His return punch hit air as the Angel retreated.

**45:65**

Frustration and the first glimmers of fear flowed through him as he pursued the agile Angel, it's dancing movements taunting him with the knowledge that it was only a matter of time until it could simply take him apart at leisure. He snarled in animal rage, pushing the Eva to move faster.

**37:22**

"Give me a shot Shinji!" Misato yelled.

**35:16**

Shinji reached out with his AT field. When it collided with the Angel's he tasted the feel of his enemy's soul, then reversed the polarity of his own to match its field exactly, then inverted the waveform.

**31:82**

"Analysis shows inversion is complete, take the shot!" Maya called.

"Southern batteries, FIRE!" Misato screamed.

The mountains to the south blurred as dozens of concussions rippled through the trees, tearing apart any foliage or wildlife unlucky enough to be in the area. The Angel staggered forward, its grace temporarily broken as the barrage took it full in the back.

**22:67**

With a shout of triumph echoed within the Eva, Shinji lunged forward. His right hand dropped to the ground as a whip of light whirled in a defensive pattern, then he was past it. The loss of the appendage barely registered as Shinji focused his AT field around his remaining hand, catching the other whip as it tried the same maneuver, wrapping it once around his wrist.

A new level of agony burst through the Eva's nerves, and Shinji's warcry became a desperate scream as he yanked with all his might, pulling the creature towards him. The stump of his right arm crashing into the core, causing further cracks to appear along the surface.

With a roar of agony and triumph, Shinji grappled the Angel with his remaining arm and its own tentacle. Their combined weight bore it to the ground as the ruins of his right arm working like a piston against the heart of the creature, sending shards of red crystal spinning away and metric tons of liquid sloshing to the ground. The unrestrained tentacle punched a hole straight through Shinji's right chest plate, but his frantic battering continued.

**8:42**

A final strike from Unit-00's stump burst through the casing of the Angel's core, sending a spray of the stuff arcing in all directions. One small piece, barely two centimeters in diameter, spun through one of the many holes in Shinji's plug and punched straight into his right chest cavity.

Shinji felt the soul within the Eva desperately clinging to him, trying to keep him awake. His vision blurred as oxygen became a rarer commodity now that he was down to a single lung. He felt the yearning, the need for the sense of completeness, and worried that Unit-00 was going to drag him entirely into itself.

**00:00**

The light around him grew dim and the mad soul of the Eva slipped from him. Shinji felt his own consciousness drifting and finally gave up the fight against the darkness, one hand slipping into the last of the LCL still remaining within the plug. When Junior Engineer First Class Kodama Horaki finally penetrated the shattered remains of the entry plug she found the pilot reclining with a small smile on his unconscious lips.

* * *

A/N: Good evening gentle readers,

This chapter is a few hundred words short of my promised goal, but I really couldn't justify starting a whole new segment, or think of a small vignette to add that wouldn't mess with the ending. In the future I will probably continue to make dedicated chapters for Angel attacks and they will probably be on the shorter end. Then again, my plans for the future never seem to work out when it comes to this fic.

A special thanks to my reviewers using the guest/anon function, as I can't message them directly. Love you guys! Also, to my regular reviewers, you're all beautiful people to me.

Keep on rolling,

Seratar


	11. Before I Wake

Better Angels

Chapter 11

Before I Wake

**Wednesday, 7 days since Shamshel, 4:00 am,**

_Furthermore, analysis indicates that even the Titanium-A plating of Unit-01 would have been insufficient defense against the 'Whips of Light,' leading us to urge the continued development of the Titanium-B experimental design to counter any further weapons of this caliber._

Ritsuko sighed, pulling off her glasses and tossing them on the table before her. Of course the engineering chief wanted her to give them their newest toy. Tactical was breathing down her neck about the positron rifle which was still far too unwieldy for field use, not to mention the fact that they would need to build a dedicated fission reactor just to power the thing.

Gendo wanted to know when he would have an active pilot, as the timeline for the arrival of the next Angel was approximated to arrive within the next two weeks. That was what the current prediction model was indicating anyway. Of course, the model was based off two data points, so it was completely worthless, but the statisticians who were contracted to build said model had been able to write a whole paper about it.

"Absolutely useless." She growled.

Ritsuko still had a mountain's worth of data and footage to work over from the recordings she had taken from Shinji's activation of Unit-00. From her impressions during the battle and the little she had sorted through, she wasn't certain whether Shinji would awake as more than a gibbering madman. The A-10's EEG had recorded enough signal irregularities in the boy's brain that Ritsuko herself had tested the recovered unit for faultiness. It had been working perfectly.

Seeing the boy go from mad laughter to screaming rage, only to then dissolve into tearful sobs had unnerved the scientist. She had been glad to hand over the reigns of dealing with the teen to Misato and Maya when the launch had finally taken place. Further, Ritsuko was worried about the state of the interface of Unit-00. Activation using a different pilot from the intended one could have consequences for the future of its viability as the Eva of Rei Ayanami.

Of course, Ritsuko knew the truth behind what the 'OS' of each individual Evangelion was, so the idea that Shinji had been able to activate Unit-00 at all had been nothing short of a miracle. In truth, the activation of Unit-00 had always been a long shot considering its… irregular interface. She supposed the activation had only been possible because of the boy's affinity for his fellow pilot. Some sort of psychic residue, or even an emotional connection, had allowed the Eva to recognize him as being close to its intended pilot. Or rather, that he was close to the other half of that broken soul.

Ritsuko decided to put some time into the Titanium-B plating. At least she would be able to sleep tonight if she did that. Sleep had been in short supply since the destruction of the fourth Angel. Whenever she was allowed her normal four hours, all she usually saw was a young man going mad inside of a plug which she had put him in. The rationalization that it had been the only hope for the human race at the time was meagre comfort when she heard the manic giggling of the child soldier as his unit had begun to shut down.

XXXXXX

Shinji swam in darkness, the darkness that lay between the waking world and sleep. That place where one did not truly rest, but was at the same time unable to lash out at the uncaring world and let it know that he was still there and still breathing. In that darkness he found a solace of sorts which the dream field would never supply.

In darkness, he had nothing to do. He could relax, finally.

Vague pains worked their way through the void. He could feel his right arm being pulverized inch by inch as he slammed it into the core of the Angel. He dimly noted the legion of puncture wounds dotted across his body where ruby shards of fire and fury had pierced the weak armor which surrounded him. The pains came and went, the only indication that he was not dead and banished to eternal darkness.

Lights welled in the darkness. Once there was a violet haired woman who sat by his bed and cried, holding the hand that he was certain had been completely severed. She said many things, none of which really made sense to him. Another time a brown haired girl had appeared. She had not cried as much, but he heard her say other things. She coughed before she left, and Shinji tried to reach out a comforting hand.

She was gone before he managed to reach out to her. Something about the girl stirred camaraderie in him. Perhaps she was a friend?

It did not matter, all that mattered was that he was free of the cares that had weighed him down since the day he had been sent away. Free from the pain of beatings, the pain of fighting monsters, the pain of trying to heal people who just wanted to be hurt. Letting go was so easy.

Letting go was giving up.

'_I cannot give up'_ He thought grimly through the sea of shadow, _'I must not run away from my responsibilities.'_

Shinji could feel it then. A mountain of responsibility which lay before him. He had not realized how much of it he had been carrying with him until it was off his shoulders for a time. He was responsible for not displeasing his father, who he hated, and yet loved at the same time. The revelation shocked him. His father was a disgusting man who had sent him away. Yet, he felt the bonds of blood and shared loss of the woman whom they had both loved binding them together. He was bound to a millstone, and it was because he wanted to be.

He felt the burden of Rei Ayanami. The girl had been abused in far more profound ways than he had ever been. His wounds always healed, but the ones inflicted on her remained with her every day. The pain was the least of it. The isolation from others had ground away at whatever emotional core had been torn from the girl by the creature that she was the designated pilot of.

He felt the burden of Eva Rei. She was mad beyond reason. He had promised her that he would find a way to heal her, even though he was not certain that he completely understood what was wrong. The spirit of the Unit-00 was broken in a way he had never seen before, separated from the calm, cool logic of the Rei Ayanami which resided in flesh. He was not sure what would happen if he somehow reunited the two, or even if he should. All he knew was that neither one was complete without the other, and he would do what he could to correct that.

Burdens piled on top of him. Misato and the road that lay before her to peace. Ritsuko, the author of so much pain, but still hurting in a variety of secret ways. The human race, who called for him, a sixteen year old boy, to defend them against creatures which sent grown men running for shelters.

Last of all he thought of Nii-san. Nii-san, who had been the parent that his father never wanted to be, and his mother never had the opportunity to be. Nii-san, who had stood before him, taking pain when Shinji could bear it no longer. Nii-san, whose life had been sacrificed to save Shinji in the end. Nii-san had once told him that death was the kindest master. Shinji had failed to understand that then, but he thought he understood it now.

When the mountain was on his shoulders again, Shinji opened his eyes to a familiar ceiling.

"I'm ready." He whispered, the light of a new day creeping over him.

XXXXXX

Misato was drinking.

In more correct terms, Misato was currently trying to replace every last drop of water in her body with ethanol. After finishing her last report and visiting Shinji in the hospital to cry away what was left of her strength, she had gone to the seediest bar she could find. The rotgut that passed for sake in the place was sure to give her an ulcer tomorrow, but that was hardly the point.

The owner had tried to cut her off twice, and now Misato's personal firearm was placed firmly on the bar. Any men that were not put off by the NERV uniform were driven away by the sight of the weapon. A great many people knew what had happened last week, and none were willing to mess with the people who had helped create the wasteland that now stood North of the city.

As Misato sat nursing her latest drink she felt the presence of someone approaching her seat. Gently laying her hand on the firearm placed before her, she prepared to rebuff the advance of a man far too into his drinks to realize that she was in no mood for company. Maybe she would be amenable later, when she couldn't see straight any more.

"You look just about as bad as I feel," remarked a female voice as it took the seat next to her, "And I just finished getting chewed out again for letting my principal enter a level three hazard zone."

Misato glanced over, seeing a red haired woman raise two fingers to the barkeep. He moved over surreptitiously, pouring her a glass of the same stuff that Misato was beginning to consider half-decent alcohol.

"What the hell do you want?" Misato growled, only slurring slightly.

Kasumi Saturo shrugged, then sipped her drink, grimacing in disgust at the flavor of the stuff.

"Misery loves company. I supposed that if there were anyone else in the world who had failed Shinji as utterly as I have..." Kasumi let the words drift off, turning a significant glance at Misato.

Misato growled, downing her drink, coughed, then gestured for another. The barkeep quickly obliged her.

"I'm not the one who took him into a post-angel crater." Misato shot back, looking deep into her drink.

Kasumi took another sip, deciding that she wouldn't immediately spit it out.

"No," She replied, "but I'm also not the one who sent him into battle in that half-assed excuse for a combat vehicle while he was clearly unhinged."

Misato turned a glare on the woman, "That's classified."

Kasumi shrugged, tilting her head, "People talk Misato-san. It's part of my job to keep my ears open, especially when the chit-chat concerns Purple."

Misato deflated, taking a contemplative sip of her drink, "Yeah, I bet it is. Why are you really here."

"I figured you could use some company," Kasumi replied, "If you're going to be day drinking you might as well do it with someone who can drag you home afterwards."

Misato glared, "You're not my type."

Kasumi laughed, "And you're not mine pretty lady. But I know for a fact that you'll probably do something very stupid if I leave you here alone. Noble team has been keeping tabs on you since the incident."

She gestured behind her to a white haired woman who raised her sparkling water in salute.

"So now I'm being stalked by Section Two." Misato rumbled, "Just what I want out of life."

Kasumi downed her drink, slamming it down onto the bar, then turning to face Misato Katsuragi, a fierce look in her eyes. Something in those eyes promised something far worse than pain, and Misato involuntarily drew back.

"Look Captain," Kasumi ground out, "I don't know what your deal is. I've met plenty of men and women who deal with their trauma by drinking it into the ground, then screwing anything they can get their hands on from there. Hell, I understand it on some level. For years after things got stable I found myself at a local distillery almost every night."

Misato rallied, "Great, so now you're going to tell me your sob story. Tell me how hard it was for you after everything fell apart. Another bleeding heart in a sea of blood."

Kasumi grabbed the front of Misato's uniform, drawing her close, "I walk with my demons every day of my life. They are my sword and my shield. There are exactly two things in this world that keep me from listening to those devils and eating a bullet before the sun goes down every night."

She lifted two fingers, "First, is my kids. Second is a young man weighed down by the burden of being humanity's only hope of survival. Now like I said, I don't know what your deal is. In fact, I honestly don't give a damn."

She pushed Misato against the bar, looming over the woman as she stood.

"But that kid has exactly four people in his life right now who are keeping him from eating that bullet I was talking about. One of them is comatose in a hospital and can't give back a fraction of what he puts into her right now. One of them is a crazy Russian who is already doing what he can to keep the kid safe. One is just a kid herself, and she isn't equipped mentally or emotionally to be there for him right now."

"The last one is you," Kasumi released Misato, snorting in disgust, "A half-baked, mostly drunk, and completely pathetic captain who can't pull herself out of her cups long enough to notice that a priority one alert just got blasted out telling all relevant personnel that the third child just woke up."

Misato's eyes widened, "He's awake?!"

The woman tried to stand, but Kasumi just pushed her back down. Misato's face reddened and she reached for her weapon, only to realize that Kasumi was calmly dismantling it before her eyes. The pieces fell to the ground around the Section Two agent with metallic clacks.

"You b-" Misato began.

Kasumi cut her off with a slap to the face.

"There is no way in hell that you are going to see him right now," Kasumi said coldly, "The only thing that could possibly hurt him worse right now than your absence is you showing up drunk. Noble-2 is going to take you home, and I'm going to take your car to HQ to take care of the boy who you should be with right now."

Kasumi stepped back, "Think about that for a good long time on the ride home and do whatever it takes to get sober and to get over yourself. He's coming home within twenty-four hours. If you're intoxicated when he walks through that door I'm throwing you out myself. He doesn't need to take care of a wreck of a human being, he needs a rock to hold on to."

"If you can't be that rock Misato," Kasumi finished, "I'll find someone who can, even if I have to kill you to make it happen. That kid deserves better than you, but he likes you enough to try and help you, only the spirits really know why. Letting him see that effort go to waste, in my professional opinion, will all but destroy him."

Kasumi leaned in, her eyes going hard as flint, "And I'm authorized to eliminate anything which threatens Purple. With extreme prejudice."

With that, Kasumi Saturo executed a perfect ninety degree turn and marched towards the door.

XXXXXX

Rei, unlike Shinji, floated in a world of twilight.

A woven cage of light and darkness encased the young woman who sat alone in the prison of her mind. She had long since lost track of the time which passed, as there was no alteration to the landscape around her, just the endless checkerboard of those two fabrics which bound her within her own mind.

Rei was curious as to why she had not gone insane to this point. Curiosity was one of the few emotions which were able to reach her inside the box. Every time she thought that she might want to take a look outside of it, she remembered that this 'prison' had been her own choice. In here she was safe from the constant dread which had followed her since the announcement of Unit-00's next activation experiment. Inside here, she was safe from the feelings which a dark haired pilot had awoken inside of here.

Inside here, she was alone. For Rei, alone was the norm, and it was nothing to be afraid of. At least, she was once again not afraid of it. Brief memories passed through her mind of a time not too distant where she had craved something more than the fulfilling than the completion of orders. She had craved… connection?

That thought drifted away, sucked out of her by the lattice which surrounded her. Being alone was perfectly fine she decided. She had always been alone and would always be alone. There was no one to stand beside her, but she had long since made her peace with that. The solitude was… comforting.

In her isolation, Rei remembered the man who had given her this gift.

"_I can make the fear go away," the man with the golden flecked eyes said, "I can make it all go away. You just have to let me."_

_Rei hesitated, the fear delving deep into her skull as she tried to fight against it. The thought of relief from that agony was bliss itself. She reached out a hand and took his._

"_Please." Was all she said._

_The man smiled, and the world around Rei faded._

Now she was here. She was safe from the outside world. Nothing there could harm her, nothing could take her from this place.

The thought that she might be a prisoner never occurred to Rei. She recognized the bands of darkness around her as being of her own creation, her own shield from the world that Shinji Ikari had tried to show her. The light was… something else. It was from the man, and its interweaving with the darkness formed a barrier that was nigh impenetrable.

Of course, nigh was not completely. She had felt the voice of Shinji Ikari reaching out to her before, and had no doubt he would come again. Emotions stirred in her chest, but were quickly tamped down by the cage, returning her to the sweet embrace of indifference. Shinji was not strong enough to reach her, not if she did not reach back. The man had told her so, had warned her to not reach for him, or she would risk even greater pain than before.

Rei sat alone in her apathy, it was good to not care about anything.

No pain.

No fear.

No… Love?

XXXXXX

"-and so I told him that he was welcome to try fighting me without his right hand next time." Sergey chortled, "After that, he settled the bet quickly enough, and now Sergey is five hundred yen richer!"

Shinji laughed, a rare light in his eyes as he listened to his large Russian friend. Kasumi watched from the doorway as the blond continue to regale his disciple with his exploits in the time between the last Angel attack and now. Shinji noticed the red haired woman, his eyes growing slightly dimmer as he gave her a nod. Kasumi took the invitation and stepped into the room.

"How's it going kid?" She asked.

Shinji grimaced, "My chest hurts, and Sergey won't stop trying to make me laugh."

Sergey ruffled the young man's hair, standing.

"I must go Shinji, I leave you in the capable hands of the noble captain!" Sergey said, "She may seem like she has a tough exterior, but Kasumi-chan is all fluffy bunnies on the inside."

Kasumi scowled at the man as he passed her, for both the words and the address. Sergey rarely used any of the suffixes which Japanese was known for, and when he did, it was only to mock those whom he addressed. The woman was not entirely sure how he had gotten through the entrance interview for Section Two.

The mirth in Sergey's eyes faded as he met Kasumi's. A barely perceptible shake of his head let Kasumi know that Shinji appeared well, but he was in no way recovered. The woman quirked an eyebrow at the Russian, but he simply continued on his way.

"Kasumi-san?" Shinji asked.

"Remember the rules kid." Kasumi replied, dropping into the chair beside his bed, "It's Noble one or Noble leader to you."

Shinji frowned, "You should know by now that trying to keep me at an arm's distance won't work."

Kasumi grinned wolfishly, "Nothing against me getting close to you. Just you getting close to me."

"Relationships are two way streets Kasumi-san." Shinji replied soberly, "Sergey seems to be doing just fine."

"Ayanami-chan has the emotional lability of a brick," Kasumi replied easily, "Sergey could do a jig for her and she wouldn't bat an eyelash. You on the other hand, you're all about forming bonds."

"So you won't be my friend because I want to be yours?" He asked.

"That pretty much sums it up." Kasumi replied, "You're awfully quick for someone who is capable of doing some really stupid things."

Shinji saw the redirection for what it was but decided to follow the thread anyway. He felt an affinity for the woman sitting next to him. Her directness was refreshing when compared with the complex web which seemed to characterize most of his current relationships. Maybe it was the fact that she was specifically holding herself aloof that made their conversations a little easier.

"Stupid things?" He asked.

Kasumi held up her right hand, "Normally when I lose a hand I don't try to beat the guy to death with the stump."

Shinji shuddered, feeling echoes of that unrelenting pain sweep through the limb in question.

"I didn't have a choice." He whispered quietly.

"That's crap," Kasumi replied, folding her arms, "You could have withdrawn when Misato ordered it. The truth is that you lost control when you got hurt."

Shinji lowered his head, "You weren't there."

"You're right," Kasumi replied, "I was down here waiting for a Godzilla knockoff to come down and grind me into paste. I've seen pictures of what happened to Unit-00, you barely won up there. If you had pulled back someone could have come up with a plan that didn't end in self-mutilation."

Shinji raised his eyes, which were now filled with a combination of determination and anger. Locking gazes with his bodyguard he let her get his measure before continuing the conversation.

"And if I had pulled back?" He asked, then proceeded with a response, "More than the outskirts of the city would have been destroyed before I killed that thing. More people would be dead than there probably already are. You tell me that my life is worth more than yours, that you would sacrifice yourself to save me. How can I do any different for the people who rely on me? How can I be worthy of your protection if I shy away from injury, or even death, in pursuit of my duty?"

Kasumi paused to look him over for a moment.

"Okay, point," She said, "But like I told you before, we'll need you for more than one victory. Just… be careful, I'll be out of a job if you get yourself killed when I can't protect you."

Shinji nodded glumly, "Okay. Sorry Kasumi-san."

Kasumi shook her head, "Don't apologize for wanting to be a good man Shinji. Just remember that the world goes to hell if all the good men choose to sacrifice themselves. I want you to win Shinji, but I don't want you to trade your life for victory."

Shinji looked into the woman's eyes and felt the truth of her words.

"Alright." He muttered, casting his eyes down, "But if things keep getting harder…"

"You'll get better," Kasumi filled in, "Sergey will see to that."

Shinji nodded.

"Anything you need kid, or anything you would like to know?" Kasumi asked, changing topics again.

Shinji paused before answering, "How is Rei?"

Kasumi stood up, offering him a hand, "Why don't you come with me and see?"

With some help from Kasumi, Shinji rose to his feet. The on-duty nurse, not Tamako today, was not pleased by the turn of events which summoned her when he was disconnecting from the monitoring equipment, but a quelling look from Kasumi sent her back to her station.

Rei's room was right next to his, and Kasumi sat him down before excusing herself with the pretense of getting coffee. Both of them knew that she just wanted to give him some time alone with his blue haired friend. Shinji felt a measure of gratitude as the redhead closed the door, sure that she would probably get that cup of coffee, then stand outside the door and repulse anyone who was foolish enough to try to gain entry.

"Hello Rei." Shinji said softly

The vacant gaze of the bluenette was fixed to the ceiling, blinking only out of protective reflex rather than conscious effort.

"I miss you." He said, "And… I think I met your other half."

The memory of the spirit of Unit-00 still troubled him. Unless he was mistaken, something… someone, had torn Rei Ayanami's soul in two. One part of that soul was in this body, while the other resided inside the Eva for which she was the pilot. That separation had turned this Rei, _his_ Rei, into an emotionally stunted young woman, making it difficult for her to feel anything even when she wanted to. That same separation had driven the spirit of Unit-00 insane, lacking any logical anchor for the emotions which flowed through it.

Having touched both souls, Shinji had felt the similarity of the two. Their presence was the echo of the other, that echo being the missing piece which would have made her whole. The thought of her life until this point almost made him want to weep.

Reaching out, he touched Rei's hand, letting himself slip into darkness.

The presence of Rei Ayanami lay before him in that sea of emptiness. Leaning against it, he felt bands of light and darkness barring his way. The taste of that barrier was… familiar.

The realization of what it was nearly knocked Shinji from his meditation. The bands of light were similar to the presence of the Evangelion just before synchronization. A being of light so bright that it would scour his own presence from the world. Was that man an… Eva?

The thought made his sanity rebel, and he quickly turned to run his fingers across the bands of darkness, as he did, he felt a closeness to the girl lying in the bed. The darkness was… Rei.

Rei was keeping him out.

The light was keeping him out.

'_Do you want to be… alone?'_ He quested.

He felt an answering pulse through the cage that separated him from Rei. An affirmation and a denial in the same breath.

XXXXXX

Rei felt the presence of Shinji Ikari. He was pressed against the safety of her isolation, trying to communicate.

'_Do you want to be… alone?'_ his voice rippled through the part of the cage that was herself.

"Don't touch me," She whispered, "Don't make me feel."

At the same time, she felt something deep within herself. Something that rebelled against the light around her and fought the darkness that she had made of herself. It rose up, trying to reach back to Shinji through their bond. Rei fought it down, but the yearning to feel his presence was strong now. Stronger than it had been before.

There was something about Shinji now… something rode along the cords of his reaching, something familiar. It was… herself.

Curious now, Rei brushed against that sensation, and she felt echoes of a thousand emotions whisper through her. Feelings that she had thought were quiescent suddenly bloomed, fully grown as they found purchase within her. She felt something tattered within herself respond to that echo, and she was filled with the brief sensation of being… whole.

'_Rei I can't, no, I won't pull you back unless you want me to.'_ Shinji's voice came again, _'But do you really want to be alone?'_

Rei looked around herself as if seeing where she was for the first time. She realized she was not in a safe place, she was in a prison. That realization filled her with something deeper than fear. She quickly reached back towards Shinji.

She tried to loosen the bands of darkness that held her, but as she tried to retract the protection she had woven for herself, those beams of light stretched, trapping her. Confused, she tried again, only to have the light hold fast as it grew warmer inside the cage.

_One cannot so easily repudiate my gifts Lilim._

Rei shivered as laughter echoed through the chamber that held her. That voice in her mind, that laughter. It was the man who had called himself Light, and now the light that he had woven into a prison steadily grew hot.

Rei screamed.

XXXXXX

Shinji felt something within the spirit of Rei cry out. He threw himself at the cage around her as the light grew brighter. Pain shot through his soul as he collided with those bands and the screaming within continued.

_So pathetic, so weak._

Shinji redoubled his efforts as the voice echoed through the emptiness within him.

'_You can't have her!' _he roared internally.

_But she gave herself to me young Shinji. She accepted my bargain and she got exactly what she asked for. She is already mine._

The brightness of the prison was painful to approach now, and the howl of pain from inside was only increasing in pitch. Forcing himself forward, Shinji avoided the fabric of Rei's tormentor, instead reaching for one of the thinning bands of darkness that made up her prison. With a shout, he hurled himself forward, making contact with that darkness.

As they touched, he opened himself to the pain as he had not done since first connection with the girl.

XXXXXX

Kasumi was standing outside the door sipping her coffee when she heard Shinji scream. Instinct drove her foot into the solid hospital door, sending it crashing inwards as she entered, her weapon drawn and scanning for threats. Behind her, a cup of coffee clattered to the floor, spilling its contents.

Kasumi was surprised to find Shinji curled up on the floor next to Rei's bed. She finished her scan of the room before holstering her weapon and running to him.

"What happened?" She demanded, kneeling next to her charge.

Shinji responded with a whimper, rocking himself on the ground. Kasumi rose up to look over Rei, who was glistening with sweat. Touching the girl, she was greeted by a raging torrent of heat which almost pushed the hardened bodyguard back a step.

"Medic!" She yelled.

Shinji shuddered on the floor, then lashed out with his hand, catching Kasumi's ankle.

"Unit-00, get us to Unit-00." He growled.

Kasumed galnced over her shoulder as Kraken-3 and 4 bustled in practically dragging a doctor with them. She turned back to Shinji, levering him off the floor and helping him towards the exit.

"Look kid, I don't know what you th-" She began

Shinji cut her off by pulling away from her, "You don't understand. She's going to die if we don't get her to her Eva."

Kasumi looked into his eyes, feeling the intensity of that gaze in her bones. Whatever heat was burning Rei from the core seemed to also be trapped inside the boy, and it made her own temperature jump a couple degrees just be seeing it.

"Kraken-3!" She yelled, "Get that girl moving, we're headed to the cages."

"There is no wa-" Kraken-3 began.

"Alpha protocol," Kasumi cut in, "Sergey can shoot me later if I'm wrong."

Kraken-3 looked at her mulishly for a moment before letting out a growl and taking the bluenette into his arms.

"I hope you know what you're doing kid." Kasumi said, gesturing Shinji to precede her, "If that girl dies it's me on the line now."

Shinji nodded, "Call Doctor Akagi, tell her that I'm calling in my favor, and she needs to be ready when we get there."

Kasumi nodded, flipping open her phone and putting a priority one call in through the dedicated Section Two system. Shinji saw her briefly argue over the phone for a moment before hanging up.

"Fifteen minutes," She told him, moving down the hall at a brisk walk at the head of their caravan.

Shinji nodded, the fire inside him pushing him towards the one thing he thought might be able to save his friend.

* * *

A/N: Greetings gentle readers,

Here's a funny story, I recently googled the average chapter length of a novel. It turns out that contemporary novelists put a cap of 5k words in a chapter (with sci-fi and fantasy authors being the main flouters of this rule). With that in mind I am wondering if I too should be reducing the size of my chapters. I'm still sticking to getting about 5-10k words/week, but this will mean that I will probably put up two smaller chapters for your enjoyment.

Please let me know what you think.

-Seratar


	12. Reborn

Better Angels

Chapter 12

Reborn

**Wednesday, 7 days since Shamshel**

Shinji settled into the plug which protruded from the crippled form of Unit-00. The pool of LCL which bathed all but the head of the Eva concealed the hideous wounds which had been dealt to the creature in the last battle. Shinji just hoped that it was healed enough that there would not be any problems with synchronization.

Kraken-3 gently laid Rei in his arms, the heat radiating off of her quickly suffusing his own body. He was already sharing as much of her pain as he could, hoping that he could stave off whatever was cooking her alive in that prison. As the plug closed and LCL began to pour in he prayed that he was not too late.

He also prayed that his plan, hatched in a bout of desperation, would pay off.

"We're beginning the startup sequence," Ritsuko's voice came over the communicator, "Shinji… are you sure about this?"

Shinji looked over at the projected face of the woman, "You know what's in here with us Doctor, I think it might be able to stop whatever is happening to Rei. If not, she's going to die."

Ritsuko rubbed her forehead. Shinji just didn't understand exactly what he was getting himself into. He knew that a part of Rei was in the Eva, how he knew that was beyond her, but he surely did. The thing he did not know was that the pile of blood and flesh in his arms was completely expendable. If needed, Ritsuko could simply boot up another copy of Rei. It would take several days for the suddenly freed soul to find her way to the next vessel, but she would surely be replaced.

Shinji on the other hand was irreplaceable. Commander Ikari had not been informed of this little venture, the man was off base inspecting the reclamation and clean up effort of the recent Angel. If he knew that she was risking an integral part of his plan right now…

Ritsuko shook those thoughts away. She had the latitude and the access. She could always claim to have been simply interested in the data from a double plug synchronization as Rei Ayanami died.

"Doctor…" Maya hesitated, "Can you come check these harmonics?"

Ritsuko walked over to her assistant's terminal, her eyes widening as she studied the readouts.

"Is this accurate?!" She demanded harshly.

"Yes ma'm," Maya replied, "Let me overlay it for you."

With a few keystrokes, Maya integrated the synchronization waves of two pilots and the Eva. While the Eva was still coming to full power its waveform was sluggishly rising. What was of interest to the two scientists was the fact that Rei Ayanami and Shinji Akari were already perfectly synchronized with each other.

Ritsuko glanced at the internal camera of the plug. The two hospital gown clad teenagers had their eyes closed, a look of pain mirrored on each of their faces.

"Can we get a ratio from them?" Ritsuko asked quickly.

"Not at the moment Doctor Akagi," Maya replied, tapping on her terminal, "The best I can do is estimate based on this. If I had to guess, they're running at least a 70%, if not higher."

Ritsuko stared at the two pilots as light cascaded through the cockpit.

"Maybe it's the LCL…" Ritsuko pondered aloud, jotting notes on her tablet, "Record everything you can get Maya."

"Already doing so." Maya replied, giving Ritsuko a smile, "I knew you would want this."

Ritsuko nodded absently, moving back to her own terminal and typing furiously. Whatever was happening in that plug, she needed every last piece of it.

XXXXXX

Shinji floated in darkness, the cage of light and darkness hovering nearby. The brightness which had swelled from it had begun to turn inwards, and the heat focusing on Rei was beginning to make him feel like his own skin was blistering under the assault through tenuous connection he was managing with her. He was suddenly grateful for the cooling effect of the LCL re-circulators, which were keeping Rei from cooking herself alive under the influence of whatever was trying to kill her.

With suddenness which made him gasp, he felt the presence of Unit-00. It's questing tendrils reached towards him, sensing his presence. He felt its need to be complete, to be joined once again with a pilot and brought to life. He hesitated for a moment, then reached out to embrace the rush of emotions which roiled within the spirit of the Eva.

'_I need your help'_ He whispered.

Willingness flowed through the link between him and the Eva. The image of a naked Rei flashed before him. He could feel her struggling against her own madness for his sake. He felt something creep through the bond. Something powerful, larger than life itself. That feeling terrified him as much as it gave the Eva the power to protect him from itself.

Turning away from that, he reached deeply into the power of the Eva. The presence of the giant was light, as bright as that of the cage which held his friend. He felt within her the power to crush mountains, or level valleys. Endless power which laid before his fingertips.

'_I… need you to come through me' _He thought, _'Rei is in trouble'_

Confusion flowed through the bond. Unit-00 was Rei, the one who he held in his arms was… Rei?

'_This is you,'_ He explained, bringing the memory of tearing into his mind and pushing it towards the Eva's spirit.

It shied away from the memory. Such pain had been the catalyst that had driven the creature mad, and it would not easily forget the experience. Nevertheless, Shinji began to feel a trickle of that indomitable light begin to seep into himself as it responded to his need.

"Synch ratio is spiking above 100%," someone called through the communicator, "Everything okay Shinji?"

Shinji ignored the voice and reached out to touch the cage, his other ethereal arm touching the spirit of the Eva. A line of power arced through him light a lightning bolt moving at a snail's pace, burning his soul wherever it touched. A scream of pain escaped the lips of flesh which inconveniently wanted to voice the agony searing through him.

'_Keep going!'_ He whimpered as he felt Unit-00 drawing back, _'Please.'_

A hesitation, then that bolt of lightning tore through him, touching the cage which held Rei captive. He/She felt the power of the cage, a thing forged from the soul of an Angel and a Lilim. Understanding from some ancestral memory flowed through Shinji/Rei's mind as they howled in fury, tearing at the prison which held their precious one captive.

_REI!_

The thundering roar echoed through the darkness, bringing light into a place where it was anathema. Flashes of the world beyond flesh lit the area. Figures pulled away from that cry and everyone within several dozen yards of Eva staggered as a physical and spiritual storm swept out from Unit-00.

Ritsuko Akagi, recovering more quickly than the rest of the staff, hammered down on the emergency eject sequencer. Whatever was going on had to stop now, she was certain the Unit-00's AT field had just sprung to life. By some miracle they were not all rendered into base elements, but another such blast might be the end for her and everyone within the control center. Her eyes widened in amazement as the system reported a catastrophic failure. All the clamps hold the plug in place had been released, but the Eva itself was rejecting the command.

"Cut the power!" She yelled, "Get that thing offline before it kills all of us!"

Shinji/Rei felt the sudden severing of the source of life which sustained him/her. Deep reserves hummed to life, but their time was limited now.

_Rei_

Something cried from within the prison. Shinji separated himself from the bond long enough to punch a hand of darkness deep into the portion of the cage formed by darkness. Rather than try to force his way through, he let himself slide into that darkness. A flood of fear, confusion, and pain flowed through his already tormented spirit.

'_As one!'_ He cried out.

Unit-00 arced through him again, racing across the bridge between him and Rei Ayanami. With a shudder that sent the void trembling, the connection between Eva and Rei was forged, using the soul of Shinji as a portal.

Duality settled over the young man. He was both inside and outside the shell. The power of light and darkness swirled through him, pumping itself through the small breach of Rei's prison. The cage began to distort as matchless light and endless darkness poured into it.

CRACK!

The cage blasted apart, waves of power sweeping past the three connected souls in a torrent. The being of light sheltered the two creatures of darkness, drawing them closer to her. Shinji felt her need, the need to be whole, sweeping through him.

'_Not this way…'_ He gasped, _'Please, not this way.'_

The Eva ignored him. It was so close to being one with itself again, all it had to do was strip the spark of light from one of the small dark creatures. That spark which would finally complete it. The fleshly spirit of Rei Ayanami struggled, but her efforts were as naught before the power of the juggernaut upon which they rode.

Thinking quickly, Shinji reached out to both of them, drawing a line between them. The being of light paused briefly, watching as Shinji quickly found the ragged ends of the small dark soul that dwelt within that light. Gently as a lover, Shinji drew the ragged portion of his Rei through himself to meet that severed darkness. The two torn parts met, and recognizing each other, began to draw together.

The smaller part was constrained, held to the being of light by bonds which Shinji could not understand or break. As he struggled, he felt his Rei start to slip through him towards the Eva.

'_No!'_ He cried out again, causing the powerhouse to pause again.

Thinking quickly, Shinji took a part of himself, a part of Rei, and a part of the being of light. Preparing for the pain, he rent off a small part of his own soul with a blade of light. The agony was excruciating, but no more than what he had already endured today. Quick slashes of the light he still wielded severed portions from the other two beings who reached through him towards each other.

Using his own soul as the outline, he forged a simulacrum of the Rei which was now almost a part of him. It was an incomplete, almost dumb thing, but it resonated with the presence of the three spirits which were joined as one.

Carefully, he broke the simulacrum in an exact replica of the damage which had been done to Rei's own spirit. He sent the half of Rei he knew best, the girl who felt nothing and was ruled by both logic and duty, into the creature of light. The part which had raged through him twice now, that mad half which felt too much with not control whatsoever, flowed through to the Rei Ayanami who dwelt in the flesh.

The two simulacra hummed as they attached themselves to the two broken souls, each pulsing in time with the half that was the 'real' soul of Rei. It was incomplete, a slapdash job which would have embarrassed Shinji if anyone but the three of them had seen it. It was also the best he could do without being caught up in a tug of war with a being whose power far eclipsed his own.

The being of light regarded itself for a moment, then morphed into an image of Rei, a smile gracing her lips. She reached out tentatively, running a hand across his cheek, then faded as the power to the Eva finally ran dry. An echo of that terrifying thing within the Eva washed across him, easing him back into his own body, the final act of a friend before sleep.

Shinji opened his eyes. The red light of the plug's emergency lights showed him that the Rei in his arms was aware, her eyes boring deep holes into his head with the intensity of her look. A look which was filled with more than simple apathy.

"Hello Rei Ayanami," Shinji gasped out, "My name is Shinji Ikari, it's nice to meet you at last."

In reply, Rei threw her arms around the boy and pulled him into a fierce hug.

The plug technician, his tablet hooked up to the internal backup camera, quietly pretended to run several more diagnostics, humming softly as he granted the two another few moments of privacy and happiness before they had to face the world once again. In his opinion, if anyone deserved it, it was those kids.

XXXXXX

Shinji leaned his head against the wall of the shower stall as warm water cascaded across his body. The built up filth of almost a week spent in bed, with only sponge baths to clean him, was slowly being stripped away by the cascade. He had started off with freezing cold water to counteract the fire he still felt burning inside of him, but the desire for something to loosen his eternally taut muscles won out after a time.

As he stood beneath the rain of warmth he tried to compartmentalize the various aches and pains which had begun to make themselves known. When he had first entered the shower he had unconsciously started doing everything with his left hand, his brain informing him that his right was unavailable to perform any of the tasks to which it might be put. He had to glance twice at the limb before his eyes even acknowledged that anything below the wrist was there.

Though discomforting, that was the least of the problems drifting across his mind. Occasionally sharp, stabbing pains would shoot up his right forearm, the pain dulling quickly before marching up another five centimeters or so. Shinji shuddered as he remembered pulverizing Unit-00's stump against the core of the Angel. The madness which had taken him then had probably been the only thing that allowed him to keep up the assault.

Raising the limb to gaze at it as random muscles twitched, he failed to notice that somebody had entered the room before they spoke.

"Psychosomatic feedback syndrome," A familiar voice said, "One of the many side-effects of piloting an Eva."

Shinji whipped his head around, spotting the form of Doctor Akagi over the tile partition of the shower stall he was in.

"D-doctor!" He yelped, ducking low, "This is the men's locker room!"

Ritsuko Akagi waved a dismissive hand, "We've been through this song and dance before Shinji. I can't even see anything."

Shinji peeked his head over the partition again, glowering at the woman.

"Something you wanted?" He asked.

Ritsuko tapped a finger on her chin before speaking, "How did you know?"

Shinji decided to play dumb, "Know what?"

"First, how did you know that the OS of Unit-00 was a partition of the soul of Rei Ayanami?" She asked, raising her fingers as the list went on, "Second, how did you know that a double synchronization experiment would fix whatever happened to her. Third, how on earth did you synchronize with the girl before the Eva even came online?"

Shinji's glower deepened to a scowl, "All you have to do is look at the combat footage from my plug to know how it is that I know exactly what is inside that thing!"

"Did she talk to you?" Ritsuko asked, her tablet rising to take notes.

"She bled her pain all over me!" Shinji snarled, "You and your endless notes. Your scientific curiosity. Do you ever pause to think that you might be brutalizing someone before you press one of your shiny little buttons?"

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at him, "3,546,235,000."

"What?" He asked, taken aback by her answer.

"Give or take a couple hundred thousand, that is the current census of the world population. That is the number of people who will die if I don't do what I have to do." Ritsuko explained, "So ask me again if I consider the side effects of what I do."

"How about one?" Shinji asked, "Have you ever stopped to consider what your actions might have on one?"

Ritsuko took a moment to push a lock of hair over her ear before replying.

"Honestly Shinji, no I don't." She replied flatly, "If I had stopped to consider one, dozens, hundreds, or even thousands before now, we would probably all be dead."

"A million deaths is a statistic then?" Shinji shot back, "But not even one death is a tragedy to you?"

"If it helps, your life is statistically significant."

The stool which shared the shower stall with Shinji went flying through the air, cracking as slammed into the tile of the wall opposite Shinji. His nakedness forgotten, Shinji stalked over to the doctor. He grabbed the front of her powder blue top, one of the buttons popping off under the strain as he pulled the doctor to him. Shinji rested a hand curled into a claw against the side of her face and he drunk in the sudden fear which flitted through her eyes. Fear, and something else, something darker.

"You want to know how statistically significant my life is?!" He roared in her face, spittle flecking the woman's face, "You think that you can hide behind a shield of indifference to the world?! You think that you can justify the agony that you bring to the me and the people I love?!"

Slipping into darkness, Shinji slammed a spiritual hand onto the presence of Doctor Akagi. The woman was so startled by the sensation that any defense she might have mustered faltered.

"Maybe it's time you felt what we feel." He muttered coldly.

In that moment, Shinji mustered everything. Almost a dozen years of abuse, of loneliness and pain which had characterized his life in the waking world. He reached deep for the memory of the pain which had flowed through Rei Ayanami. More and more piled up in his soul, tormenting him even as he shoved the sensations through the link between them.

Ritsuko had tried to scream, but the pain had come too sudden as she was exhaling. Instead, her mouth opened, trying in vain to push air that was no longer present out of her chest. Her eyes bulged out of her skull as every last drop of agony which had touched him coursed through her frame.

In moments it was over. Shinji shuddered along with Ritsuko, each leaning on the other after the ordeal. In pushing what he felt on the woman, Shinji had been forced to experience the same again as it flowed from him to her. They both sunk to the floor gracelessly, managing to keep themselves from harm only through sheer instinct.

Minutes passed away before Ritsuko finally spoke.

"Where the hell did you grow up?" She asked finally.

"With a man whose job was to break me." He replied simply, "After you know what's happening, it's a little easier to resist."

Ritsuko was quiet again, then turned her head to look at the young man laying beside her.

"This doesn't change anything," She announced, "Either between us, or about my work."

Shinji turned his head to meet her eyes, "Doesn't it?"

Ritsuko looked into those blue eyes. She had thought to find the blaze of anger in them once again, or maybe the bitterness of hatred. Instead, all she saw was compassion. Not pity, but pure, uncomplicated, understanding of the cold logic that drove her to do what she must. Ritsuko Akagi felt something inside her, something long withered and dead, stir with the echo of life.

Long moments later, almost an eternity to the blond on the floor, Shinji released her from his spell as he dragged himself up. He drew on a drab NERV uniform which had been provided for him before walking out, leaving the doctor on the floor still contemplating what had just happened to her. Though his feet shuffled slightly as he left, his back seemed a little straighter than when she had first seen him that day.

XXXXXX

Shinji spent most of the rest of the day waiting while Rei was closeted with Ritsuko, at least when the blond finally reappeared, a new set of clothes adorning her body. The woman avoided his gaze more than normal as she walked Rei into her lab. Shinji simply sat opposite the door, a borrowed tablet giving him all the reading material he needed.

Almost done with his voracious consumption of credible sources of post-second-impact history, Shinji turned his attention to energy storage. Scholastic articles on the subject had exploded ever since the beginning of Project E as funding from state agencies all over poured into grants covering the subject. There was one article written pre-impact which spoke of something called an S2 engine.

The article itself was short, not because what had been written was not extensive, but because it had been abbreviated to almost nothing by the black lines of redaction. More interesting was the name listed as the primary author, T. Katsuragi. When Shinji looked for more articles by the man he found that most of those had been redacted as well. More and more curious.

Leaving that lead for the moment, Shinji went back to more conventional storage devices. He recognized some older papers discussing what he figured was the current iteration of the batteries which resided in the Evas right now.

Before he could contemplate the sudden halt in progress on the thing which had almost gotten him killed last week, Shinji heard the door opposite him open. Rei stepped out of the lab, her own NERV uniform slightly baggy in spots and… less so in others. Shinji realized he had been staring when a flush quickly suffused his cheeks.

Strangely enough, Rei's own cheeks flushed in response when she realized where he had been looking. Both remained silent for a long moment before Rei cleared her throat, then stepped up to stand before him.

"Shinji, I…" She began, unable to complete her thought.

Shinji shook his head, standing to meet her, "I'm sorry."

Rei regarded him for a moment, then shook her head, "No Shinji, I am afraid I am the one who must apologize. If I had not been so weak, I never would have accepted the pact with that… creature."

Shinji raised a hand to forestall further speech, "No Rei. I was so wrapped up in my own problems, in things that I had no control over. I _felt_ how much dread was in you, and I did nothing."

Rei raised her own hand, taking his in hers and bringing them down, "I am the master of my own fate Shinji Ikari. At least, I am now, thanks to you. You cannot take the blame for actions I take of my own volition."

Shinji quirked an eyebrow. Because of him?

"I don't understand." He said.

Rei shook her head, "Not now, maybe not ever. But you need to know this. I would face the man who called himself Light again and walk through the fury of that heat a dozen times over to take hold of what you have granted me with your power."

Shinji gulped slightly at the look in the girl's eyes, "Rei, I can't do anything unless you reach back. Nothing I do is one sided."

"Yet you were the only one who reached out to me," She replied, "You, who shoulder so much pain and sorrow, took the time to reach out to another who was hurting as much as you."

She forestalled his reply with a finger to the lips, "Don't deny me, I have seen past the barriers that you wall yourself up behind. Glimpses only, but more than enough to know. Just as I cannot hide myself from you, you also cannot hide yourself from me."

Shinji felt the intensity of her gaze and could not refute her words. Instead, he took her other hand and clasped hers between his own, returning her look with his own earnest gaze.

"Rei," he began, then took a breath, centering himself, "I don't know where we are going, and I only have a vague notion of the things we will have to walk through to get there."

Closing his eyes for a moment, he opened them again to find her waiting patiently, attentive as she waited for him to finish. Shinji thought of an old man who had been his only friend for years.

"Whether you have to stand against a storm or pull a mountain behind you," He repeated, hearing the words of his Nii-san echo within him, "I promise you that no matter what comes, I will be there beside you. No matter the darkness that rises against us, we will meet it. Together."

Rei's eyes welled with tears as his own vision blurred, and she embraced him for the second time that day. Tears dampened Shinji's shirt and Rei's blue hair, but neither seemed to notice. A promise had been given, and both had found something that had been missing. Shinji would always love his Nii-san, and he would mourn him for the rest of his life, but the hole in his heart where the man had once dwelt now had a new occupant. For the first time in weeks, Shinji felt whole again.

XXXXXX

Shinji and Rei sat in the back of the Section Two vehicle, Sergey rambling in the driver's seat while Kasumi scowled at anybody who even glanced towards the black sedan. Shinji would have paid better attention, but Rei had chosen to take the middle seat, and was pressed against him firmly. Sergey seemed all too aware of this and kept his chatter inane on purpose. He also knew that Kasumi hated wasted words.

"Do you ever shut up?" Kasumi growled, not looking at her current partner.

"Do you ever take that stick out of your butt?" He retorted, "I believe in good posture myself, but that thing has got to be uncomfortable."

Kasumi snarled something incomprehensible and Sergey laughed, clearly having understood what she said.

"Think of the children Kasumi-chan!" He chortled, "Besides, I am driving."

"When they are safe at home…" She threatened.

"Please Kasumi-chan," Sergey teased, "They do not need to hear about the fires of passion which burn deep within you."

Kasumi's cheeks grew hot and she brushed a finger longingly against her service weapon. Instead of drawing it, she decided to turn her attention to her charge.

"Could you two save it until you're in private at least?" Kasumi asked.

Shinji reflexively tried to pull away from Rei, only to find himself already pinned against the door of the vehicle. Rei fixed the back of Kasumi's head with her impassive stare, refusing to budge.

"Uh, Rei," Shinji ventured, "I'm having trouble breathing."

Rei relented slightly, but kept that unnerving look fixed on Shinji's lead bodyguard. The woman remained stolid for most of the ride home, only shivering once, slightly. It might have just been a shake to keep herself awake, Shinji wasn't sure.

Bidding their protectors farewell, Shinji and Rei took the elevator together up to their floor, Rei once again standing uncomfortably close to Shinji while they were confined in the box. Shinji was too flabbergasted to say anything, and Rei, accustomed to silence, did not deign to break it.

When they finally reached Rei's apartment she calmly opened the door and gestured for him to enter.

"I uh…" He demurred, "I had better not."

Rei tilted her head, "Have I offended you?"

"No, ah, it's just…" Shinji paused, "You've been awfully close the whole way home… very close."

Rei considered that for a moment. He could practically see her rolling it around in her head.

"Is it… unacceptable for me to touch you?" She asked, her voice troubled.

"N-no!" Shinji replied.

"I like to be near you Shinji," She explained, stepping close, "Evidence suggests that you are not opposed to it either, but if you wish I will keep my distance."

Shinji shook his head, "It's not that. I like being close to you too Rei, but I'm not used to being touched so much by someone… real."

Rei carefully weighed that in her mind, "I see. You enjoy the act of being close, but you also enjoy your own space."

Shinji thought about it, then responded, "I, I think so. I wouldn't mind being close to you Rei, but maybe not all the time?"

Rei nodded in acceptance, "Very well, I will consider this further. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me."

She stepped back and waited. Shinji found himself waiting too, the awkwardness of the situation enhanced by the sudden distance which Rei had placed between them.

"W-would you like to come over for dinner?" Shinji stammered, "I usually make enough for leftovers the day after. I can even make something vegetarian."

"I would like that," Rei replied, "My nutritional supplements have steadily become less satisfying, and my skills in the kitchen have not been trained."

Rei kept an uncomfortably precise distance between them as Shinji led her to his house. He hoped that this particular habit would fade with time as she got used to having emotions again. Shinji understood the need to be close, but he was also worried that she might be… fixating on him. Like a baby duckling.

Thoughts of ducklings fled as Shinji opened the door to see Pen-pen making his way to the bathroom, a towel draped across his shoulders. The penguin warked at him, then noticing Rei, tilted his head slightly before continuing on his way.

"That is a penguin." Rei noted.

"Yeah, that's Pen-pen," Shinji replied, "I think he might blame me for the sudden lack of alcohol in the house."

"You give your penguin alcohol?" Rei asked, surprise tinging her voice.

Shinji laughed, "Pen-pen gives himself a couple beers every day. Well, he did until Misato got rid of it all."

"Why?" Rei asked, following Shinji into the small kitchen.

Shinji gestured to the couch, "Make yourself comfortable."

"I would rather watch," Rei said, "As I have said, I am not trained in the culinary arts, and I believe that I will need this particular skill if I am to begin producing confections for myself."

Shinji felt slightly uncomfortable at that, but shrugged anyway, "Sure thing, can you pass me the leek in the fridge?"

Rei complied. Shinji grew more comfortable as time passed. Rei was an excellent observer, keeping her mouth shut most of the time, only breaking in with questions when something confused her. The girl had keen observational skills and Shinji was more than a little impressed when she copied his knife technique exactly when he offered her a chance to try.

"Sergey-san has taught me knife work," She explained, stepping back, "Although his teachings were less… refined."

Shinji nodded at that, "How do you like Sergey?"

"I was ordered to spend time with him to learn to protect myself from physical danger," Rei replied, "My lessons ended after he was ordered to keep a professional distance."

Shinji's fingers gripped the knife tightly for a moment before he made himself relax. A comforting hand rested on his shoulder.

"The past is past Shinji," Rei said, "You promised me the future, not my history."

"It wasn't right." Shinji ground out.

"There are many things you do not understand," Rei replied, "And there are many things in this world which are unfair. Your attempt at empathy is laudable, but wholly misplaced in my case. There will never be a point in your life where you will fully comprehend who… No, what I was before I met you."

"You were still in pain." Shinji replied, setting down the knife, "And not just physical pain either."

"A paralyzed woman does not feel her frozen limbs," Rei explained, "She will see damage done to them, and may be horrified by it, but it will always be disconnected from her as a sensation. I hurt for a very long time, but it was pain viewed from a distance. It was no less damaging because of that distance, but the way I feel about my past is… different from how you feel about yours."

Shinji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Settling his emotions was all the more difficult because of the truth which Rei had injected into her words. Anything beyond physical pain had probably been as dull to her as it was traumatizing to the soul within Unit-00. Still present, but muted.

He realized that Rei was doing more than trying to alleviate his misplaced guilt. She was trying to leave that behind her. In a way, the Rei that stood before him was a very different person than the girl whom he had first met upon arriving in Tokyo-3. There were many things he saw that were still the same, but it was as if a paper veneer had been torn from her figure, exposing someone much deeper than the two-dimensional doll who had been recuperating in the same hospital ward as him.

This new Rei was exploring and filling out the person who she had never had the opportunity to be. She would always have her personal history with her, regardless of whether or not he focused on it. It would shape who she chose to become, both the good and the bad of it. If he wasted all of his time dwelling on her past, he would lose the opportunity to try and build something better. He needed to stop crying over a broken vase.

"Okay," Shinji breathed out, "I'll do everything I can to make your future better than your past."

"Our future," Rei corrected, "You promised."

Shinji turned to face her, meeting her eyes and smiling at her, "I did."

He held up a hand and Rei responded by twining her fingers through his, locking their hands together.

"_Never alone."_ Their voices echoed through the darkness.

For a brief moment, though none besides the two would notice, the world grew just a little brighter.

* * *

A/N: Good morning fair readers,

This chapter marks the close of "act 1" of Better Angels. This arc has been very Rei-centric, and for good reason. This chapter was one of the pivotal scenes which first inspired me to write this fic, everything up to here has been in the service of making it to this point. I hope you have been enjoying making this journey with me, and will join me for this interim period before the beginning of "act 2," whose pivotal character I am sure you can figure out on your own.

As always, stay strong my friends, I wish you luck in all of your endeavors.

-Seratar


	13. Your Life is (Not) Normal

Better Angels

Chapter 13

Your Life is (Not) Normal

**Thursday, 8 days since Shamshel, 0530 hours**

When Misato padded out into the living area of her apartment Shinji was already up cooking breakfast. The swirl of emotions snaking their way through the woman made her pause long enough that the young man noticed her before she could get close. Opening her mouth to say something, Shinji quickly lifted a finger to his mouth, then gestured to the couch.

Misato looked to where he was pointing, only to a see a tuft of blue hair poking out from one side.

"Is that…?" Misato stage whispered.

Shinji nodded, then made a sitting gesture. Understanding, and not wanting to interrupt him while he was happily working, Misato took her usual seat. She began contemplating what exactly she could say to her charge, and how she was going to make it up to him that she had been… indisposed when he had awoken.

"Long day at work?" Shinji asked with a smile as a plate of eggs and rice slipped onto the table in front of her, followed quickly by a cup of tea.

Misato stared at the food. The kid had woken up from the next best thing to a coma less than thirty hours ago and he was making breakfast for her. She on the other hand had been climbing into a bottle almost every night since he had been recovered from Unit-00. The juxtaposition made her want to cry, a feeling which was becoming far to frequent for the comfort of the fiery woman.

"Don't just stare at it Misato," Shinji spoke gently from the kitchen, "Cold eggs are possibly the worst food in the world. I made the yolks runny, just like you like them."

He had indeed, and as Misato mechanically shoveled the food into her mouth, not even her depressed mood could keep the perfect seasoning from making her taste buds dance. The meal had restored her spirits enough that when Shinji set himself down opposite her with his own plate and beverage she was no longer on the verge of breaking down.

"What did I miss?" Shinji asked, then took a drink of his tea.

"You scared me Shinji," Misato said, cutting away the façade of normalcy which Shinji had tried to cultivate, "Nobody was sure if you were going to wake up."

"I've got your back Misato," Shinji replied blithely taking a bite of egg, "Did you really think I would let something like a feedback coma keep me from being by your side?"

"A what?" She asked warily.

"Feedback coma," Shinji waved his chopsticks, "It's a phenomenon related to piloting an Eva. Apparently the psychic trauma of the wounds that Unit-00 suffered overrode my own body's reticular activating system, shutting it down completely in response to death-like stimuli."

Misato stared as Shinji stuffed rice into his mouth.

"That's what my chart said anyway," Shinji continued, "I checked it while I was waiting for Rei's checkup to be complete. Ritsuko really needs to come up with a word other than feedback, do you think she has a thesaurus in her lab somewhere?"

Misato did a double take as the fact that Rei was asleep on her couch, rather than in a hospital bed, finally registered with her drink and guilt addled mind.

"When did she wake up?" Misato asked.

Shinji tapped his chopsticks against his plate for a moment, then brightened, "Somewhere around twenty-four hours ago."

"And?" Misato asked when Shinji failed to elaborate.

Shinji shifted uncomfortable under his guardian's gaze, "You should ask her about it."

Misato pondered that. Shinji was normally free with information which she asked for, the only time he had been reticent was with information about himself. Ergo, the fact that Rei was awake probably had something to do with Shinji. Misato briefly considered pushing him but decided that she could wait and ask Rei herself, either that or she could inquire of Ritsuko, who was less likely to giver her a blank stare in response.

"Well," She said, stretching, "I'm going to go take a shower."

Shinji nodded, "I'll see you around."

Misato paused as she stood, causing Shinji to raise a questioning eyebrow at her.

"Shinji," She began, faltered, then continued, "I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you woke up."

Shinji shook his head, moving around the table to place an arm on her shoulder, "I know you came to visit me Misato. I didn't really understand what you said, but I know that you cried why you were there. It's enough that you came to see me. I know that you are busy in the aftermath of an Angel attack."

Misato only briefly considered telling him the truth, that she had been disciplined severely for dereliction after the attack. Instead of reviewing footage of the attack and developing new strategies, she had been drinking herself into oblivion. She still put in a solid fourteen hours a day at NERV, but a number of those hours were spent hungover and yelling at her subordinates.

Shinji could tell that Misato was holding something back, and he had a good idea what it might be. The smell of the woman alone told him that she had probably been on at least one bender while he was asleep. He was worried about her.

"Misato…" He said, unable to think of anything else to say.

Misato shook her head, "We'll talk later. I have a lot to do today. I'm taking a shower and heading to NERV."

Shinji would have stopped the violet haired woman if she had given him the opportunity. As she hastily made her way to the bathroom Shinji was struck by the thought that she acted almost… ashamed. Shinji had made it a point not to talk to Misato about her drinking outside of the house, mostly because he was more worried about what would happen if she started hiding the habit from him. Yet something must have happened while he had been asleep, the woman was absolutely reticent about the fact that she had been at the bottle again. As long as Yebisu remained a forbidden addition to the refrigerator, Shinji considered the progress she was making tantamount to a complete metamorphosis.

At least for now.

"I believe that she has been consuming a large quantity of alcohol." Rei spoke up.

Shinji jumped, having not noticed Rei's approach until she had spoken up. Turning to face her, Shinji was certain that if he had a ruler, Rei would have been standing exactly thirty centimeters away from him. The precision of her placement was almost as perturbing as her previous desire to actually share is space.

"Did I startle you?" She asked, a small smile creasing her face.

Shinji gulped, "Y-yes! How are you so quiet?"

"Most people spend their entire lives trying to be noticed," Rei explained, "I have worked to do the opposite."

Shinji felt a stirring of anger in his chest, "Orders?"

Rei nodded, then stepped close and embraced her fellow pilot. She rested her head against his chest for a moment before pulling back.

"Future." She said.

Shinji tamped down his anger, nodding, "Of course Rei, why don't you sit down. I would have had something ready for you if I had known when you would be awake."

Rei gave him another small smile and complied, seating herself. Shinji noticed that the girl began to idly play with her hair while he was working on her breakfast. When the eggs were ready he heaped some rice alongside them and brought them to Rei.

"Do you like things spicy?" Shinji asked, gesturing to a bottle on the table, "Misato is obsessed with the stuff. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you had any. Well, she doesn't care if I do anyway. I personally can't stand the stuff."

Rei regarded the bottle carefully. Giving it a tentative sniff, her eyes widened as her nasal passages dilated instantly under the assault of the heat coming from the mere aroma of the stuff. Upon further investigation, she found that the bottle itself did not possess a label, but was made of glass with a custom made spout.

Shinji noticed her examination and explained, "She gets it from some guy down at the market on Saturdays. He claims to grow a special kind of pepper on the slopes of the southern mountains."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "It is good that a weapon of this magnitude is kept secret."

Shinji chuckled, then froze, "Did you just make a joke?"

Rei regarded him levelly, "Do I look like I am joking?"

Shinji took a step back under that gaze, "N-no! I was just… it sounded like…"

The slightly wider smile on Rei's lips would have been a full belly laugh from anyone else. Shinji felt his cheeks flush as he realized that Rei had tricked him. In moments he recovered from the shock and put self-deprecating smile on his face.

"Okay, you got me." He admitted.

Rei smiled, then, eschewing the hot sauce, she began consuming her breakfast with single-minded enthusiasm. Shinji watched for a moment, then realized he was being rude. Rather than continue to stare, he set about packing lunches. Leftovers from last night went into his own oversized bento, along with Misato's own. After briefly rummaging through the cupboard he found a third and packed Rei a lunch.

Returning to the table he placed it before her, "For lunch. You'll probably need some extra calories with our nutritional needs, but this should be better than those 'supplements' you were talking about."

Rei accepted the bento with a smile and a nod. Rising, she looked herself over before raising her eyes to address Shinji.

"I believe that I must go prepare for school," She said, "As should you."

Shinji smiled, shrugging, "I'm all ready to go, just waiting until I won't get there too early."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "You also do not sleep long."

A troubled look crossed Shinji's face, "If I sleep for more than six hours at a time I feel… sluggish."

Rei nodded empathetically, "Ever since I began synchronization experiments with Unit-00 I have found that five, sometimes even four hours of sleep is sufficient to make me fully functional."

"What is happening to us Rei?" Shinji asked suddenly, "We're not… we're not just teenagers anymore. Something about piloting the Evas has… changed us."

Rei felt a surge of secret unease. While Shinji had certainly once been no more than a human teenager, the same could not be said of her. Although her first foray into an entry plug had certainly begun to change her as surely as it had Shinji, she had never been quite… normal.

"Rei?" Shinji asked, stepping close to lay a hand gently on her arm, "Is everything okay?"

Rei shook herself, coming to with suddenness, "Yes Shinji. I apologize, I was… thinking. As for your worries, I would not focus on it too much. We pay a price to pilot Eva, it stands to reason that there should be scales that balance out those sacrifices. You have felt the overwhelming might of those beings of light. As far as I can tell, when we touch them, they touch us back in whatever minor way they can."

Shinji shivered, "Do you think we will keep changing?"

Rei shrugged, "We will certainly develop along lines never before thought of by human science. You are already… special. What you can do, it is a gift. Do not think of yourself as some sort of abomination because you are different Shinji, I never will."

Shinji was comforted. He gave Rei a brief hug before she departed. Misato had apparently made her way out the door while they were distracted. The woman was being absolutely evasive today. Shinji decided that he would confront the woman tonight. She had to know that he knew where she had been, albeit not to what extent. She also had to know that he wasn't going to fall apart and heckle her just because she had been depressed enough to try and find comfort. Even if that comfort was self-destructive.

Shinji sat and rubbed his chin in contemplation. Misato had always used alcohol and sex as both an outlet and an opiate. If he wanted her to start taking better care of herself, he was going to have to try and help her find something to do that was not going to get her heart, or liver, broken time and again.

The thought of hobbies jump-started his mind, the image of a large, finely tooled black leather case in his room coming into his brain. Realizing that he had not touched the instrument since he had arrived in Tokyo-3, Shinji decided that now was as good a time as any to get in a little practice with his cello.

The unwieldy instrument was surprisingly light in his hands. Shinji flexed his arm experimentally, seeing that his muscles had gotten slightly, if noticeably, larger since the last time he had bothered to look at them. Shrugging that thought and its implications off, Shinji settled down to the one thing that had brought him peace in the waking world for just about a dozen years of his life.

Sinking into the music, Shinji let himself drift as he moved through the familiar motions. The tune swept him away into a place where all of the pain and fear was distant, a place where there was only the strict geometry of music wrapped around a well of peace.

When he finally set the bow down it was several minutes past the time to leave, though he felt no urgency to do so. Tension which had built in him since arriving in Tokyo-3 had melted away, leaving him with a sense of lethargy now that he was not being driven by the needs of the moment. Leaning back in his chair he reveled in the sensation, then slowly made himself put the instrument away. He was afraid that he had been neglecting his duties towards Hikari in not showing up to help her clean the classroom.

When Shinji finally stepped out of his door he found Rei waiting. The girl was obviously attuned to his habit of arriving at school early and had planned accordingly. Her red eyes met his and she gestured with her head, turning to head towards the elevator.

"I believe that Horaki-san will need further assistance this morning," She explained, "I felt that it would be wise to accompany you."

Shinji chuckled, "Is that it?"

Rei took a stutter step, then recovered her composure, "No."

No further explanation was needed as they made their way to school. Neither teen spoke as they walked, and Rei maintained her precise distance from Shinji. Neither was used to walking with people to and from places, so instead of filling the silence between them with idle words they simply enjoyed each other's presence. To the few onlookers they passed the two appeared to be simply heading in the same direction rather than together.

When they arrived they found Hikari sitting at her desk, glumly staring at her computer screen. Not even bothering to look up at them, Hikari made a gesture.

"No sensei, I haven't seen the assigned cleaning crew," She muttered, "I'll have it taken care of."

Shinji held up a broom, "We're actually here to help."

Hikari's eyes widened as she looked up, finally seeing who had arrived. With speed that would have been the envy of any track star, Hikari was suddenly flinging herself at Shinji. Arms empowered with the strength of desperate relief crushed the air from his lungs as Hikari wrapped him in a fervent embrace. Without bothering to release him she began babbling.

"Aida-kun and that idiot Toji snuck out of the shelter and filmed your fight with that monster!" She babbled, "He's been showing it to everyone. Oh Shinji, how could you be so reckless with your life? When you didn't show up for school I thought you had…"

A muffled sob wracked the girls body as Shinji felt a sudden dampness on his shirt. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around his friend, patting her back as he tried to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," He soothed, "I was hurt pretty badly, but I'm here now."

Hikari lifted her head, her tear-filled eyes fierce, "Why does the world need to be saved by a bunch of teenagers? Aren't there enough adults who can fix this problem? Why you?"

Shinji was poleaxed by the question. In truth, he had never really questioned why he had been summoned by his father to defend Tokyo-3. At the time, Nii-san had told him that he would have the chance to save the world and everyone he loved. He had never paused to consider why something so critical as the fate of the world had been entrusted to a pair of young adults.

"Eva does not respond to anyone born before the second impact," Rei explained from beside him, shuffling closer to Shinji as he held Hikari, "We fight because we are the oldest people who can."

Both Shinji and Hikari turned to look at Rei. Hikari stepped back from the embrace, smoothing her skirt and running a hand through her hair.

"What about you Ayanami-chan," Hikari asked, "The footage only shows one of those robots fighting the monster. Were you inside the one with Shinji?"

Rei paused for a moment, shooting a glance at Shinji. Shinji gave her a shrug. The truth about the girl's situation was her story alone to tell. If she wanted to tell Hikari then that was her prerogative.

"I was… incapacitated the day before the attack," Rei explained, "Shinji took a great risk in healing me after he had barely recovered himself. If you wish to be angry at something I will accept that burden, as it was a product of my own weakness which put Shinji in the position of having to pilot an Eva which was not designed for him."

Hikari stared at the girl. Rei had taken on her implacable object aspect, her own eyes meeting those of the class representative. Shinji too was taken aback by Rei's words.

"Rei," Shinji cut in, "None of this was your fault."

Rei shook her head, turning to face him, "If I had been available to pilot my unit you would not have been forced into it during the attack."

"We don't even know if you would have been able to activate it!" Shinji shot back, "My father wanted to put you into that thing in the hopes that it would snap you out of whatever fugue you were in. I volunteered to do it because I was sure that it would kill you."

Rei met his eyes with a glint of anger in her own, "It was a risk you took yourself, and we both know what was bound to the Eva, what you risked when it wanted you for… balance. It could have gone berserk when it realized you weren't me and killed everyone in the Eva cage."

"It didn't!" Shinji replied hotly, "You keep telling me that you are responsible for your own choices Rei. Don't tell me that I am not culpable for the decisions I make on my own. I won't let you take the blame for something that I chose to do either."

Rei took a moment to master the fire in her heart. The ability to feel such… ferocity was almost as pleasurable as the feelings of happiness which cocooned her when she normally spent time with her fellow pilot. Exerting mastery over herself with the cool strength of logic, she decided to accede the point.

"Very well," She said in a more even tone, "I do not hold myself responsible for your decision, and perhaps some of the blame for what happened rests on you."

Shinji was about to reply when Hikari cut in, a note of dry sarcasm coloring her voice, "You two are fighting like an old married couple. You're arguing about who is to blame, and worse, you're arguing in favor of blaming yourselves! Nobody does that!"

Rei and Shinji looked to Hikari, then back at one another. A snorted giggle from the brown-haired class representative sent the three into paroxysms of hysteria. The ridiculousness of the situation was combined with a palpable sense of relief at the reunion which was taking place. Laughter faded and each person quickly set about the room with renewed vigor.

As students filtered into the room they saw the reunited trio studying at their desks, occasionally swapping a word or explanation as they focused on their work. Shinji, his mind only half-occupied with filling out the backlog of schoolwork which he had due, was perturbed to find that more and more students were darting curious glances at him and whispering to each other when they noticed him. A growing sense of unease filled him as the last student, Toji Suzuhara, stepped into the room.

Toji took a couple seconds to realize that Shinji was there. Pausing for a moment to size up the room, he made a beeline for Shinji's desk. Fearing the worst, Shinji braced himself for a block, or at least to deal with the pain of the oncoming blow. His worst fears were almost confirmed when Toji towered above him, slapping a fist down onto his desk.

"Uhhh-" Shinji started, wondering how he was going to dislodge the larger student.

"I have something to say!" He growled loudly, addressing the class.

The class fell dead silent as the athletic teen let his eyes rove around the room, meeting eyes individually and letting their owners drop them first.

"As of this moment, if you have a problem with the new kid, you have a problem with me." He declared, raising his hand from Shinji's desk, "And if I find out you went around me to cause him trouble…"

The warning note hung in the air as Toji scanned the room again. With a nod, he strode to the back of the classroom and took his seat, putting his feet up and slouching back before anyone could think that something about him was truly wrong.

"What the…" Shinji began.

Hikari leaned towards him, "The scoop is that his sister woke up last week. He won't say anything about it, but apparently she gave him an earful for hitting you."

Shinji blinked as memories of the fight, Sakura Suzuhara, and the task he had undertaken to pull her out of her coma flooded through his mind.

"Oh." He said dumbly, realizing why Toji might have decided to make himself Shinji's official bouncer.

Then another thought occurred to him, "Why are people whispering when they see me?"

Hikari shrugged uncomfortably, "The class isn't stupid Shinji. You showed up after the first Angel attack and went missing after the second, along with Rei, whom everybody knows does something with NERV. I think they were able to connect the dots."

"I could have just been hurt…" He muttered.

"Your name is also missing from the emergency shelter roll." She supplied.

"How on earth did that get overlooked?" He asked incredulously.

"Smart people can do stupid things too Shinji," Hikari replied, "Besides, who would believe a bunch of teenagers if they told an adult that they knew the pilot of the robot which protects the city?"

Shinji nodded thoughtfully, then turned back to his work. Shinji spent the remainder of class finishing catch-up work, only answering a question if the silence in the room dragged out too long. When the lunch bell finally rang there was a mass exodus for the door which Shinji allowed to pass him so that he could stay in contact with both Hikari and Rei.

Surprisingly, Toji and Kensuke were also holding back. When the last of the other students left the room the tall jock approached Shinji. Still slightly dubious, Shinji decided to stand for this encounter. Sergey always said that mobility was key when facing an opponent who was stronger than you. Sergey also extolled the virtues of vodka induced analgesia in carefully prescribed amounts in order to win a fist fight, so his teachings might have been suspect.

"I need to talk to you," Toji said without preamble, gesturing at Hikari and Rei, "Alone."

Shinji was about to resist when Hikari touched his arm lightly, "You know where we'll be. Come on Rei-chan."

Rei also hesitated, but at a nod from Shinji and the continue urging of Hikari the red eyed bluenette was drawn away from the coming confrontation. When they were gone Toji nodded grimly, gesturing for Shinji to follow him. The teen had the look of a man prepared to face a firing squad, and Shinji was not entirely sure what he had in mind. Whatever it was, Shinji felt he was prepared to face it.

The truth was that he was totally unprepared for what Toji had in mind.

"It's a balance thing," Toji explained, "I decked you once, so now you have to hit me. To make things even."

A number of explanations as to why this was a _bad_ idea flashed through Shinji's mind. When he thought to voice them, he saw a troubled look on Toji's face. The other teen was obviously putting himself out on a limb for this, refusing him might not be the best idea. Even if the sheer lunacy of it was beyond Shinji himself.

"Come one Akari-san," Kensuke cajoled, "He won't let this go until you hit him, and I'm hungry. Also, I've been meaning to ask you abo-"

"Shut it Kensuke." Toji growled, his eyes still fixed on Shinji.

Shinji contemplated the teen. Sergey had taught him where the soft spots on a human were in spite of Shinji's further protests that he never actually wanted to fight people. Sergey had laughed genially at that, then proceeded to demonstrate the areas. On Shinji's body. A flash of petty vengeance swept through Shinji as he selected his spot.

Cocking his fist, Shinji wound both his hips and his shoulders back. Shinji had more mathematical understanding of the blow he was about to perform than actual experience, but both Sergey and Nii-san had taught him how to land a blow and make it count, no matter where it struck. Pivoting his entire body into the strike, Shinji felt a brief moment of satisfaction at the surprised look on Toji's face as Shinji's fist sunk into his solar plexus.

Brief resistance was overcome by the force of the blow, forcing all the air in Toji's lungs to erupted in a hoarse exhalation. Shinji quickly stepped forward, catching the larger teen before he could fall. Toji's eyes bulged for a moment as he body fought itself to pull in a breath. With an audible gasp he finally succeeded in pulling a lungful of air back into his body, the tension inside him unwinding as the sensation of drowning faded.

"You. Don't. Kid. Around." Toji gasped.

Shinji gave him a sly smirk, "You should be more selective in the people whom you allow to have a free shot at you."

Toji grinned back, "That's the only one you'll ever get from me."

Shinji nodded, his face sobering as he continued, "How is Sakura?"

Toji straightened, finally letting go of the support Shinji had been providing, "Better. She should be coming home in a couple days after the doctors are done with their 'observations.' It's all crap as far as I can see. She's better right now, although still unsteady on her feet. They say she'll be in physical therapy for at least a year before she can walk without a cane or something like that."

"Glad to hear it," Shinji said, "Tell her I said hi."

"You'll have to tell her yourself," Toji grumbled, "She wants you to come over for dinner next week so she can thank you personally. Dad is all for it, he even took a day off to make sure that he wouldn't be called up for emergency duty."

Shinji shifted uncomfortably, "I don't know…"

Toji took a moment to look around. Kensuke was standing a ways off, serving as some sort of advanced warning system to any potential teacher problems. Stepping close Toji lowered his voice.

"She says you pulled her back," Toji said, "I don't have any idea what that means, but she insists that without you she would still be asleep. Let us treat you Shinji, you've given me… you've given Sakura back to us."

The pleading look in Toji's eyes was so uncharacteristic that Shinji was moved despite himself. Shinji's own self-deprecation had not allowed him to feel anything but the guilt over the unintended damage he caused while piloting his Eva to protect the city. What he had done for Sakura Suzuhara… it was pure, no one but him had paid a price for the girl's return to her family.

"Okay," Shinji agreed quietly, "But I'm bringing a dessert."

Toji grinned, stepping back, "Well of course. I don't want you to think that you can get a free ride or anything!"

Seeing that they were done, Kensuke hurried over.

"Shinji!" The excitable teen exclaimed, "I've been meaning to ask you about something."

"Oh?" Shinji asked, raising his eyebrows.

"What is the exact control scheme of that thing you pilot?" He asked excitedly, "It moves too smoothly for an analogue system, but I don't see any hard ports in your skull, which should rule out a neurological interface!"

Shinji stepped back warily as Kensuke turned an inquisitive eye on his hair, as if the short, black crop of stuff were possibly hiding some form of advanced wiring.

"I-I'm not really allowed to talk about it." Shinji replied warily.

"Awww c'mon!" Kensuke urged, "I know that they use something called an A-10 but I haven't been able to get anything more than that out of the Magi-net."

Shinji's eyebrows shot up, "How do you know that name?"

Kensuke grinned, folding his arms in front of his chest, "I'm not the head of the computer club for nothing."

Shinji's eyes narrowed, "You've been hacking in to NERV? Do you have any idea how much trouble that could get you in to?!"

"Don't worry!" Kensuke said, "I use more than a dozen proxies to mask my intrusions."

Shinji shook his head, "I don't think you can spoof the Magi… the command center sits on its outer casing, and that thing is almost half the size of my Eva."

Kensuke's eyes brightened, "Wow! That big!?"

Shinji slapped his forehead, "Please stop."

"But I'm learning so much!" Kensuke replied, quickly taking some notes.

Assistance came in the form of Toji's fist grabbing the scruff of Kensuke's neck, "Leave him alone Kensuke, he has to go meet up with the rep. If we hold him any longer she'll kill us."

Toji gave Shinji a wink as the shorter teen hurried away, pursued by the shouted questions of his other classmate. Kensuke Aida might be generally disregarded by the student body as a whole, but Shinji was realizing that the kid was probably the smartest of the lot. Worse, now that Toji and himself seemed to be on good terms Kensuke was probably going to be hounding Shinji for more answers.

Shinji almost wished that the reconciliation had not taken place. Almost.

XXXXXX

On a hill overlooking the school sat a nondescript man in a reserved business suit. He had been watching the school since Shinji had arrived with a pair of binoculars. His teeth crunched down on a fresh grape as he continued his vigil over the teenagers engaged in their lunchtime activities. He had very much missed the consumption of food during his time of imprisonment. The sheer joy that flowed from the consumption of such was a thing the Lilim would never truly appreciate.

Gold flecked eyes appeared above the rims of the binoculars as he reached for another delicacy.

"Enjoy your time Shinji," He said with a smile, "Soon all you know shall burn to ash, leaving a world fit for the inheritance of the children of light."


	14. Sink or Swim

Better Angels

Chapter 14

Sink or Swim

**Monday, 12 days since Shamshel, 1200 hours**

Kathunk

Kathunk

Kathunk

A hard rubber ball made continual passes against a wall made of steel and the floor, returning to a hand clad in a skintight, red material. The hand was operating in completely autonomous mode as its owner continued to analyze footage taken from the latest battle with the Angels. The climax of the battle was taking place, the pilot finally coming to grips with his opponent and ramming home his improvised club.

A scoff escaped the lips of the red-haired young woman who lay casually against her bench, the motion of her arm unaffected by her display of contempt.

"Something wrong Asuka?" A man seated several paces away asked.

"This amateur doesn't even know the basics of combat," Asuka said, her lip curling, "Why is he getting in on all the action while I'm cooling my heels here with nothing but simulations and endless synchronization tests."

Ryoji Kaji raised an eyebrow at his charge, "You know the kid has a perfect two-zero record right now?"

Asuka snorted, "He's been lucky, if those Angels weren't worse at fighting than him he would be piloting a pile of scrap right now. It's a wonder that we're still alive considering the quality of the third child. Where is the first child anyway? She has yet to make an appearance against the Angels. Even her Eva has more combat experience now."

Ryoji refrained from pointing out that Asuka herself had as much real combat experience as the first child for which she exhibited so much contempt. This aspect of Asuka was nothing new. For several years now she had held herself aloof. He almost wished for the return of the flirtatious teenager who had kept up a constant barrage of innuendos at him. During the time he had spent away from her she had… changed. Whatever had happened in the intervening two years had turned her hard. Hard and brittle as iron.

Ryoji pulled up the bio for the third child. An unflattering picture of the teen greeted the two as the video automatically paused.

"Not much to look at," Asuka smirked, "He looks like he gets pushed around a lot."

"What makes you say that?" Ryoji asked.

"It's in the eyes," Asuka replied, pointing at the young man displayed before her, "He just looks so… pitiful. It's kind of disgusting. How am I supposed to work with someone like that?"

Instead of responding, Ryoji flipped back to the video, then synched up the audio feed from the plug. The image of Unit-00 pulverizing its own arm against the core of Shamshel grew gut-wrenching as the sound of maniacal cackling mixed with it, the macabre music hitting a staccato, shrieking note with each strike.

"Weak." Asuka murmured.

Ryoji glanced over at the redhead in time to see her shiver at the sound. Though she probably hadn't noticed it, the girl had caught the rubber ball she had been bouncing and was now squeezing it as if it were the neck of her bitterest enemy.

XXXXXX

"I'm not sure about this…" Shinji muttered dubiously.

"You need not fear Shinji," Rei intoned, her swimsuit showing an amount of pale flesh that left Shinji mildly uncomfortable, "I will protect you."

Shinji glared down at the school pool, hoping by some miracle that he would be able to cause the entirety of it to evaporate by force of will alone. Shinji's 'home-school' education had failed to cover things as mundane as swimming. Physical education had been a combination of hard physical labor and… pain endurance training. Shinji quickly shut down that line of thought before it could start a feedback loop.

"Come on Shinji-kun!" Hikari called, her head the only part of her above the water, "I promise you'll love swimming once you get the hang of it."

Rei extended a pale hand to him, her eyes urging him on. Her blue hair was plastered to her skull, as the first thing she had done was dive into the water with all the grace of a swan. To further discomfit him, the girl had swum like a fish to the shallow end where he had been waiting in his swimming shorts. He gave a silent prayer of thanks to whatever being was listening that he had chosen to forego the school issued speedo.

Taking his friend's hand cautiously he placed his first foot in the water. The cool shock of it nearly sent him running for the locker rooms. If not for Rei's vicelike grip on his hand he might have turned back then. His fellow pilot, sensing his hesitation, applied gentle, but irresistible pressure to his arm, pulling him step by step into the waiting nightmare.

"Water is for drinking you know," Shinji protested, already up to his waist, "There's no reason for me to learn this."

"Swimming is excellent cardiovascular exercise," Rei replied, a smile spreading across her lips, "Besides, this is one of the few things that I am able to teach you. Do not think that I will let this opportunity pass me by. Let me teach you something Shinji-kun, besides how to introduce your face to the floor."

Rei had become a regular participant in Shinji's morning training with Sergey. Sergey had not objected when Rei had followed Shinji out for their regular meeting, and had even begun pitting them against each other in sparring practice. Rei was a… ruthless opponent, to the point where Shinji was glad that Sergey hadn't yet decided to allow them to practice with knives yet

"_The only thing more dangerous than a master knife-fighter is an amateur practicing with another." He had stated with great confidence, "Shinji, your face is far too pretty for me to allow Rei to carve it up because she forgets you are not her true opponent."_

Shinji grimaced, "Couldn't you teach me something safer, like advanced knife fighting?"

Rei paused to regard him, "Do you feel that your education with Sergey is inadequate?"

"N-no!" He replied quickly, "But it seems like a better use of time."

"This is supposed to be 'fun' Shinji," Rei replied, "Horaki-san assures me that most teenagers enjoy swimming for leisure. She also informed me of the affect of our current attir-"

"Lesson time!" Hikari butted in, her cheeks slightly reddened from what Shinji assumed was the cold, "Rei, why don't you teach him how to doggy paddle so he can get right down to it."

Rei cocked her head, "Such a maneuver is… inefficient Horaki-san. I was planning to teach him freestyle first, as it contains the highest effort to propulsion ratio."

Hikari tsked, "We're not here for exercise Rei, save that for P.E. We're here to have fun, just get him moving around and worry about that fancy stuff later."

Rei watched Hikari paddle along in the deep end, giving the two of them a grin as she went. Rei had to admit that her classmate appeared to be enjoying herself. Rei turned back to Shinji, who was still only maintaining his position because of her restraining hand. The fear in his eyes was only overshadowed by the trickle of trust she felt drifting through their physical contact. She smiled at that echo of his feelings towards her and nodded in agreement with Hikari.

"Very well," Rei said, her eyes narrowing slightly, "Prepare yourself Shinji, to learn the art of the doggy paddle."

'_So serious…'_ Shinji reflected inwardly.

The lesson progressed quickly, as did all educational opportunities which arose for Shinji. If nothing else, he was a quick learner. The whole after-school activity had been orchestrated by his two friends when a chance encounter after school on Friday had led to his admission that he had never been taught to swim. The lack of knowledge had failed to bother him, but Hikari had been implacable in demanding that he accompany them after school to the pool where they could teach him.

Of course, all of the instructing was being left to Rei, who was a more than adequate swimmer. Hikari spent most of her time either attached to the rim of the pool, or lazily gliding around the deeper water while keeping an eye on them. Occasional words of encouragement floated from her.

"Now lie on your back." Rei said, breaking his reverie.

"What?!" Shinji yelped.

He had progressed quickly in the basic strokes, and despite Hikari's admonition to keep to the basics, Rei had taught him both the freestyle and the breast stroke. Shinji felt mildly confident that he could make it to safety if he were suddenly abandoned by the girls, but only mildly.

"Lie on your back," Rei repeated, "I will attempt to teach you to float."

"I don't know…" Shinji demurred.

"Trust me." She said, meeting his eyes.

The confidence in that gaze and the warmth of her arm against his back convinced Shinji to do so. Closing his eyes, he let himself fall back. To his amazement, the water, along with Rei's sure hands, supported him, despite his own surety that he was going to sink like a rock at any moment.

"I am going to step back," Rei said, "Remain calm and maintain your position."

"I don't-" Shinji tried to protest.

Without further warning Rei stepped back. The immediate absence of the girl threw Shinji into a panic. Limbs thrashing, he immediately went under, bubbles of air exploding from his mouth in a torrent. A reflex born of repeated plug tests caused him to immediately draw in a breath of the liquid around him.

Violent pseudo-coughs wracked the young man's body as his body tried to expel the non-oxygenated fluid from his lungs in favor of nourishing air. Unfortunately, there was nothing around him that contained the necessary components for survival. As his thrashing began to weaken, Shinji realized that he was going to die. As his vision grew to a tunnel from lack of oxygen, he felt the lightness of that death flowing through him. It was wonderful.

Strong arms wrapped his unresisting body, hauling him bodily out of the water. The loss of the medium of water was followed by a brief sensation of falling as he was bodily thrown from the water. The impact of the back of his head against the concrete of the swimming pool's edge was a mild irritant, and he felt his lungs reach feebly for the air which now surrounded him.

Powerful hand thrust down on his abdomen, pushing the restrictive fluid from his lungs and out onto the floor. Moments later, something locked over his mouth and a breath of sweet air sang into his lungs like the dawn of a new day. When the obstruction departed his mouth he drew in a breath of his own, then began coughing uncontrollably as the remaining water was expelled from his body.

When Shinji finally regained his senses he found Rei kneeling next to him, a hand over her mouth and her eyes wide and horrified. Hikari was also there, standing a few feet away, her cellphone in hand as she spoke furiously to someone on the other end of the line.

"Shinji Ikari!" She growled, "I'm sure you have his name of some kind of list. Get an ambulance here right now!"

"Ambulance?" Shinji wondered, his mind crawling towards understanding in its post-hypoxic state.

"Rei?" Shinji asked.

Rei's horror stricken eyes met his, and something in the girl broke when she realized he was going to survive. Analytical reasoning fled those red orbs, replaced by a fear which delved deeper into her soul than the terror with which she regarded Unit-00's activation experiment.

"Are you alright?" Shinji asked.

Rei closed her eyes, unwilling to look into those azure seas of compassion. She couldn't face him, not like this. He had trusted her and she had let him down. Rei knew the statistics behind drowning and had blithely ignored them for an opportunity to prove to Shinji that she had things that she could show him. Shaking her head, she scrambled to her feet and ran.

"Rei!" He yelled, but the girl was gone.

His cry grew the attention of Hikari, who had been busy cursing out the emergency operator for the delay the woman was explaining.

"Here kid, go see to him" A suited man said, plucking Hikari's phone from her hand, "I'll handle the logistics."

Hikari stared at the man for a moment, then rushed to Shinji's side. The young man had somehow gotten himself into a sitting position and was trying to lever his feet under him, his eyes fixed on the entry to the girls' locker room.

"Two things," Hikari noted dryly, "First, you aren't in any position to be running anywhere. Second, that's the girls' area. If you think of anything so perverted I will slap you until your mother feels it."

"Rei…" Shinji croaked, still trying to rise.

Hikari sighed, "Leave her to me, I think your bodyguards are finally here."

Shinji glanced over his shoulder to see Noble-3 calmly threatening someone's life over a phone, while Noble-4 made her way over to him.

"You're free to go Horaki-chan," Noble-4 said, her voice light, "We'll get him to the hospital to be checked out. Dry drowning is not joke after something like this."

Hikari nodded her assent, recognizing someone who knew what they were doing, "Thanks."

Noble-4 waved a noncommittal hand, "Just get going, I don't want Kraken team to have to pull double duty looking for Blue."

Hikari nodded, then moved quickly into the girls' locker room, leaving Shinji in capable hands. Steam had begun to fill the space when Hikari entered the changing area, the vapor drifting out of the shower area. Based on the waves of heat radiating from the room, Rei had decided to burn the lesson from today into her skin.

"Rei?" Hikari ventured, steeling herself as the scalding water lapped against her feet at her first few steps, "It's Hikari."

"Failure will be punished," The eerily empty voice of the Ayanami that Hikari had known for years replied, "Imperfect models will be replaced. They will be better."

Hikari got close enough to see through the obscuring air. Rei was standing under the stream of one of the showers, he skin already turning pink under the heat which the girl barely seemed to notice.

"You're hurting me Rei." Hikari said, "The water is burning my feet."

Rei turned her empty, red hued gaze on her classmate.

"I'm going to turn this down before you get seriously hurt." Hikari said, "Or I boil my toes."

Rei did not stop Hikari as she turned the shower to a much cooler temperature. Angry red lines ran down Rei's body where the water had already done superficial damage, although there was an almost immediate improvement in her color.

The bluenette had stripped off her swimsuit to allow the scalding water to burn her entire body rather than just the parts exposed by the garment. As Hikari watched, Rei's face went from indifferent to tormented, her legs giving out now that she was not actively trying to boil herself alive. Her legs were curled in to her body, her head resting on her knees as her arms hung limply to the floor beside her.

Hikari carefully took a seat beside the naked girl, getting close enough that she was able to loop her arm through one of Rei's. Rei twitched slightly at the contact, then allowed the brunette to maintain their contact.

"What a day right?" Hikari asked.

Water flowed across them for a long time before Rei responded.

"You should go," Rei said woodenly, "I will do what must be done."

Hikari glowered at the floor, "Like get some clothes on?"

"Replacements are available." Rei intoned, as if repeating instructions.

Hikari turned a fierce eye on the bluenette, "I doubt that there is anyone in the world quite like you Ayanami-chan."

Rei shook her head, "You are wrong."

"Does Shinji agree with that assessment?" Hikari asked, "I only ask because he's about the only person in the world who seems to know anything about you."

"Pilot Ikari…" Rei hesitated, "Does not know the whole of matters. What he has gleaned fills him with deep anger and regret. He regards me as irreplaceable."

"Do you think of yourself as replaceable," Hikari asked gently, squeezing Rei's arm, "Or did someone else tell you that?"

"I…" Rei hesitated, "I have come to see myself as more than a… tool. But it is a simple fact that I can be replaced by a model just as good."

"Would this replacement be you?" Hikari asked, "Exactly you, as you are now?"

Rei hesitated, "No, but that is irrelevant, my replacement would still be able to serve as a companion to and protector for Shinji."

"What happened to Shinji just now was an accident," Hikari said, "I know for a fact that he will recover from it. In fact, it was your quick thinking that saved his life. I also know that losing you, the girl who he has invested his heart in, will kill him faster than a lungful of water ever could."

"He is stronger than you know," Rei replied, "He will endure."

"He will suffer." Hikari snapped, "The way Shinji talks about you Rei… I wish a boy would talk about me that way. He's always worried about you. He thinks you're the bravest, strongest, and smartest girl in the whole world."

Hikari paused, then looked at Rei, whose sad features were turned towards her, "He loves you Rei, and I think you love him. Why are you willing to give that up over a mistake?"

"Hubris." Rei replied stoically, "I almost killed him for pride. I must be replaced by someone who will be objective."

"Hah!" Hikari barked out a laugh, "How long do you think that somebody can stay objective around Shinji Ikari? You couldn't."

Rei paused, rolling that question over in her mind. Logically, Hikari Horaki was correct. The probability of one of her replacements being able to remain objective in the face of Shinji's pure earnestness was a number so rapidly approaching zero that it might as well not exist. With the amount of time left between now and the endgame, and the soul which would flee to the new body made whole…

"I see," Rei said, her roiling emotions calmed for the moment, "Thank you… Hikari-chan. You have shown me a truth."

Hikari sighed, "And admitted one to myself."

Rei turned a sharp gaze on the girl at her own tone, "Explain."

"You want me to confess right here?" Hikari asked incredulously, "In the locker room shower, to a naked girl who I only know through common acquaintance?"

"I am not interested in any crimes you may have committed Hikari-chan." Rei replied, "But your assessment of the propriety of our situation for serious conversation is correct. Would you like to come to my house and help me prepare dinner?"

Hikari, consumed by the things which she had told Rei, chuckled at the offer.

"I don't need your pity Ayanami-san," Hikari said, "I know when the better girl has won."

Rei tilted her head quizzically, "I do not understand."

Hikari looked closer at the bluenette sitting beside her. The truth of that statement rocked Hikari back on her mental heels. She had all but admitted to the girl that she was…

"You really don't understand what just happened between us do you?" Hikari asked.

Rei tilted her head further, "I require clarification."

The density of the girl before her was almost as stunning as her body. Now that she had seen the girl naked Hikari knew that she would never be able to compare physically to her. The realization that the girl had no idea how to use her endowments on their dense friend made the lovelorn girl chuckle bitterly.

"Yeah, I guess I would like to come help you make dinner." Hikari uttered defeatedly, "There are several things which we need to talk about."

Rei, confused yet gratified, agreed eagerly. She decided that tonight she would like to try something with tofu.

XXXXXX

"Are you sure you want this?" Ritsuko asked, holding back the subcutaneous injector to give her friend a final chance to back out, "Once this thing is deposited the process of getting it out and restoring your body to normal functioning is at least a week."

"Just do it!" Misato growled, "Nobody around here wants to hit me with the naughty stick, so I've decided to do it myself. Hurry up before I do change my mind."

Sighing, Ritsuko pressed the device to Misato's arm and depressed the trigger. Air hissed through Misato's teeth as the small device was implanted under her skin. The medication in the small device would last for a good three months, and any time she took a drink the subsequent reaction would be… unpleasant.

"Disulfiram is rather archaic," Ritsuko said, quickly putting away her tools, "You know that we have drugs that can reduce your cravings right?"

"It's not the cravings," Misato growled, "Those haven't bothered me since day two. It's the temptation to make the pain stop that keeps driving me to alcohol. I can't live like this anymore Ritsuko, not even if the world is so close to ending that we might as well nuke the whole thing and be done with it."

"Day two…" Ritsuko mused, "You didn't happen to make contact with Shinji that day did you?'

"Well yeah," Misato replied, "I'm no slouch when it comes to physical affection, but that kid doesn't know how to keep his obscenely decent hands to himself."

"Obscenely what?" Ritsuko asked, mystified.

"I've met rock lobsters with more libido than that kid," Misato replied, "And I've had men in bed with less urging. The kid hasn't even glanced down my shirt or _accidentally_ touched by butt."

"I'm failing to see how this is a bad thing," Ritsuko said, "Maybe you should take a page out of Shinji's book in terms of respecting the boundaries of others. It might help you with developing a long-term relationship."

"Rits…" Misato growled in warning.

Ritsuko raised her hands in surrender, "Sorry, too soon. How long has it been now, a decade?"

"I swear, I'm going to-" Misato began, only to be cut off by her phone chirping.

Answering it, her face went from angry to furious, then dropped down to sober before she hung up with a brief answer.

"Problems?" Ritsuko asked.

"Shinji was just admitted to the hospital for observation after drowning," Misato replied, "Rei resuscitated him, so it looks like no serious harm was done, but he's being kept overnight in case of spontaneous lung collapse."

Ritsuko's eyes sharpened, "What happened?"

"He was learning to swim," Misato replied, throwing on her jacket, "Apparently the kid is a dry as a desert where water is concerned. Just a little accident. I'm off to check on him."

"Misato…" Ritsuko called to the departing violet-haired woman's back.

Pausing, Misato looked over her shoulder, "Yeah Rits?"

"We can't go out for drinks, but…" Ritsuko hesitated, "Maybe we can get some coffee tomorrow after work. Catch up?"

Misato paused. This was the first time since her arrival that Ritsuko had reached out for anything other than a girls' night. While those had been fun in their own way, they were all characterized by areas where Misato's memory grew… fuzzy. After spending time with Shinji, Misato was coming to find that she preferred to have her wits about her. There was less of a chance for… accidents to happen.

"Yeah," Misato replied, "It's a date."

Ritsuko smiled, the first the Misato had seen on the woman in a long time. That smile was cut off by the door to Ritsuko's lab closing automatically, leaving Misato staring at the reinforced steel.

"Strange and stranger…" Misato muttered, resuming her march towards her charge.

XXXXXX

Shinji lay awake in his hospital bed, the sun having long since gone down. Misato had appeared for a short visit to reassure herself that he was okay but had been forced to go shortly after due to a call from NERV about some experimental weapons testing that she was supposed to supervise. Tamako was a semi-constant presence, the nurse bustling in every half hour to check is vitals and dress him down for endangering himself.

The last of Shinji's catchup work had fallen to his diligent effort and now his school issued notebook lay on the bedside table. He had long since given up trying to decipher any pattern from the cracks in the ceiling, leaving him with nothing to do but wait for sleep to claim him.

Shinji's musings were interrupted by his door opening. Expecting Tamako again, Shinji remained laid back, only turning his eyes to meet his visitor. Instead of the young nurse, Shinji was confronted with the face of a man whom he did not recognize. Without saying a word, the man shuffled a chair up to the bedside, then settled down.

"Hello?" Shinji asked curiously.

"Hello Shinji." The man replied, his eyes giving a brief, golden glimmer, "I heard about your little accident today. I just wanted to come check on you."

A flare of fury rippled across Shinji's mind as he attempted to lever himself up.

"Ah ah," The man said, pressing a hand onto his chest, effectively pinning the teen, "Wouldn't want to overexert yourself after your ordeal."

"You!" Shinji snarled, struggling against the preternaturally strong grip holding him to the bed.

"I'm just here to talk," The man said, "No need to try to fight."

"I'm going to kill you!" Shinji growled, still fighting.

The man sighed, then stood up. An expertly targeted strike to the side of the head briefly dazed the teen. When his senses returned, he found his arms restrained by a pair of handcuffs. Struggling harder, Shinji felt the metal cut deeply into his skin.

"Tamako!" He screamed, "Noble team!"

"Tut tut," The man said, "They're sleeping, no need to wake them."

Shinji thrashed for several more moments until he finally collapsed back to his bed, panting in exhaustion and restrained fury.

"All better now?" The man asked.

Shinji spat in his face. Taking a handkerchief out of his pocket, the man calmly wiped the mucus and saliva from his face, then gave Shinji a measured backhanded blow. When Shinji recovered from that he saw those eyes glimmer again.

"Next time I take your tongue," He said conversationally, "You don't need it for what I have planned. Be thankful I leave you whole until the end."

Shinji settle back, glaring sullenly at the man.

"Oh good," He said, "Now we can talk like… well, I guess you can talk like a gentleman. I would never lower myself to the level of one of your kind. You Lilim are such vile creatures, imperfect where there could have been perfection, chaotic where there could have been order."

"Why do you call us that?" Shinji growled.

"What?" The man asked, as if surprised that Shinji had spoken, "Oh, Lilim? Well, that's what you are, children of the usurper Lilith."

"Of who?" Shinji wondered aloud.

"Ah, they haven't told you then," The man sat back, "I thought not, my contacts inside of NERV themselves don't know any of the nasty secrets that you hide inside the bowels of that that… Geofront. I'll give you a little hint, The Eva cages aren't the bottom of that facility, there are ten sublevels, each with more and more interesting secrets for you to unlock. You're a resourceful boy, I'm sure that you can figure out how to get down there."

"Why are you telling me any of this?" Shinji asked incredulously.

The man looked surprised, "Why Shinji, you think that any of the games that you Lilim play against each other will have any bearing on the ultimate destiny of this planet? I just thought you might want some closure before I ensure the annihilation of your species and every last speck of organic matter descended from the usurper."

"But I've digressed enough, the real reason I am here is to make you an offer Shinji." The man leaned forward, "I want you to join me."

Shinji barked out a laugh, "You really think I would do that?"

The man leaned back, "Of course. Like I said, you'll soon come to find that what you are defending is nothing more than a sham wrapped in a lie. What do you think NERV's ultimate goal is Shinji?"

"To defeat the Angels and whatever you are!" Shinji said.

"Hah," The man barked, "That's just about the last point on their agenda. They're preparing for an endgame that goes beyond anything you have ever dreamed of. In all honesty, compared to what they have in mind, you would be better off just giving in to oblivion and letting me do what must be done."

"I'll fight whoever I have to, do whatever I have to, to make sure that you and those like you don't succeed." Shinji said, clenching his fists, "Rei already told me what kind of deals you offer!"

The man shrugged, "I gave Rei Ayanami the one thing she truly wanted. She wanted to be free of her fear. I gave her freedom from all of her worldly cares. Do you think she is happier now that she has to deal with a constant stream of her own failures? Do you think she is happy because she has to go back to pretending to be an ordinary person?"

"Your freedom is a lie!" Shinji bit out, "You put her in a prison, you tricked her into thinking that you offered something of value, but your words are poison."

"It's lies you worry about then? Unlike your father and the masters he serves Shinji, I will never lie to you." The man responded, "Think about that for a moment."

Shinji tried to raise a hand, only to remember he was restrained, "That's the biggest lie you've told me yet, because I won't rest until I've killed every last one of your so-called Angels. You are going to lose this war, because I simply won't let you win, whatever it takes."

The man was on him in an instant, hands wrapped around Shinji's neck, not squeezing hard enough to cut off his air, but strong enough that Shinji grew suddenly still.

"I could kill you right now boy!" He growled, that light in his eyes almost manic now, "How would you save humanity then eh?"

_This enemy cannot hurt you unless you let him into your heart. His power only extends as far as you allow it._

The man rocked back as if struck, "Meddling fool!"

"Nii-san…" Shinji whispered.

The man stepped back, straightening his suit and looking over Shinji for a moment.

"It's true that I cannot kill you personally," The man said amicably, "But those who give themselves to me are under no such compulsion."

Raising his arms, a fountain of light like a pair of winds flowed out of the man, a look of pure ecstasy filling his eyes as whatever creature dwelt within him departed. The light faded to a cloud of glittering motes which hovered in the air.

_Kill him_

The man's eyes, now lacking the golden shimmer, locked on Shinji, a grim determination coming into them. Shinji tried to pull himself up to fight, only to be restrained by the handcuffs binding him.

"Rules are made to be circumvented boy," The man chuckled, drawing close, "Sorry about this, but orders are orders."

With that, the man threw himself on Shinji. Shinji managed to get his legs under the man, kicking him off once, only to find his legs pinned as the man redoubled his attack. In minutes, the man was straddling Shinji's chest, his hands wrapped around Shinji's neck. The pressure quickly cut off Shinji's breath, then his cerebral blood flow.

As the world went dark, Shinji wished that he had been able to say goodbye to everybody.

The explosive sound of a door slamming into the wall was the only warning the man had before he was suddenly thrown bodily across the room. He rolled, coming to his feet and falling into a stance as he examined his foe.

"I see that the Lilim are bringing out the dregs." He commented idly, "My master will be pleased when I bring him news of your death."

"The light in your master is darkness," Rei said coolly, dropping into a fighter's stance, "I have been touched by his evil, and know the truth he gilds around his lies."

Instead of answering, the man rushed the bluenette. Rei took the assault head on, darting forward herself. The man's grasping hand was batted aside by her forearm, followed by a pivot which sent her elbow into the man's sternum. A sharp crunch greeted the attack as something within his chest broke.

Rather than fall back, the man's other hand caught ahold of Rei's arm, which he twisted in an effort to put her into a hold. Rei turned with the attack, bouncing lithely into the air. Her flip ended with the heel of her foot crashing into the side of the man's ankle, causing another crunch of shattered bone to fill the air.

No cry of pain escaped the man, but the mechanical failure of the limb sent him to one knee.

"The children of light will triumph." The man gasped, "And the Heavenly Ho-"

Rei spun as if in a dance, her right leg rising to allow the full revolution. As she came around, her knee connected with the man's head, causing it to snap to the side with a sickening crunch. The man fell to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut. The glimmering motes of light swirled around the man for a moment, causing him to twitch, then he grew still.

_We will meet again children of Lilith_

Shinji shivered as he felt the presence of the enemy depart. Rei knelt down next to the man and checked his pulse, shaking her head before turning back to Shinji.

"Are you undamaged?" She asked, approaching the bed.

"I'm a little tied up." Shinji said, shaking a wrist.

Rei paused, then smiled, "A joke."

Shinji returned a grin, "Yeah, but seriously, could you see if he has keys or something. These are starting to chafe."

Rei did so, then came to Shinji's side, unlocking the cuffs that held him down. Before she could do anything else, she found herself wrapped in a pair of strong, gentle arms.

"Thank you," He whispered, "I thought I would never see you again."

Rei was frozen in place, her battle instincts still kicked in to high gear. Mentally, she fought down the urge to throw the person grappling her, instead choosing to return the embrace. The superficial connection between their bodies brought her down from her fight or flight state, her shoulders fully relaxed by the time that Shinji let go, falling back into his bed.

"What are you doing here anyway Rei?" Shinji asked, "Not that I am unhappy to see you."

"Hikari-chan and I had dinner," Rei said, "She insisted that I come see you tonight, even though I was sure that I would do so tomorrow at school. I will have to remember to thank her for her prescient thought."

"You had dinner with Hikari?" Shinji asked.

Rei blushed, "I ruined a perfectly good brick of tofu trying to cook it and we were forced to order something in, but yes. She explained many things to me. Have you ever wondered why high school girls are confusing?"

Shinji stared at her, then remembered what was lying on the floor a couple meters away. At his gesture Rei turned to regard the dead man, only to find that the body was beginning to dissolve, bones and all.

"That is… curious." She said.

The process took several minutes, but when it was done, there was no sign that the man had ever been in the room. Shinji shivered as Rei carefully worked her way over the area, finding nothing amiss.

"It appears to be some form of molecular decay, accelerated to an extreme degree." Rei concluded after returning to Shinji's side, "There is no trace of his passage."

Shinji grimaced, rubbing his neck, "Maybe not of his body, but I promise you that I will never forget what happened. How did you know to come bursting in rather than just enter like a normal person."

Rei tapped her chest, stomach, and head, "I felt an echo of your distress before reaching the hospital and immediately ran the remaining distance. Your protective detail and Tamako-san were unconscious on my arrival, and I felt… him."

Shinji shivered as she referred to the being who had gotten close to him.

"You felt my distress?" He asked, "That's strange, I don't generally feel anything unless we are in direct contact."

"The… patch you made which allows me to feel and grants Unit-00's soul control over its emotions," Rei explained, "I have a part of you with me now always. I believe it warned me of your danger, though it has gone silent now."

"I think I understand," Shinji replied thoughtfully, "It's not as strong as what you describe, but when you went missing I was able to find you. It took a lot of concentration, but one moment I was as confused as everyone else, then I suddenly _knew_."

Rei looked at him for a moment, then closed her eyes, her brow creased in concentration. A minute later, Shinji now worrying that she might be having an aneurysm, Rei suddenly lifted her right hand, pointing down through the ground in the direction of the geofront.

"She is there," Rei said confidently, "I think she is… dreaming."

"Who?"

"The first," Rei replied, then continued, "Unit-00. I can feel her too."

"Do you think she can feel me?"

Rei opened her mouth to reply, then paused before continuing, "It would not surprise me if she could."

Shinji shivered at that, his feelings mirrored in the troubled gaze which Rei gave him. Both were sure that the being of light which was the combined soul of Rei and the Eva would never hurt either one of them. At least, not on purpose. Both had felt the overwhelming hunger contained in that creature, the need for completion that extended beyond the repair of Rei's torn soul.

"Do you think she can reach us from down there?" Shinji asked worriedly.

"I… do not know," She admitted, "This will require more research."

Shinji laughed bitterly, "Who on earth could you ask about the soul of the Evas?"

Rei looked troubled again, "I do not know."

* * *

A/N: Good evening my fine readers

Just a general shout out to my fine reviewers using the guest function! To all my other reviewers, you're all amazing, you can look forward to your chapterly scheduled PM soon.

-Seratar


	15. Moonlight Revelation

Better Angels

Chapter 15

Moonlight Revelation

**Tuesday, 13 days since Shamshel, 0630 hours**

"Okay Shinji, go ahead and give it a try," Misato called through the intercom, "Remember, load, cock, and fire."

"Yes ma'm!" Shinji replied, cautiously reaching out with the giant hand of Unit-01 for a spare magazine of ammunition.

The Mk.03 "pallet rifle," whose stock was gripped in his left hand, was the most advanced piece of equipment that Shinji had ever operated while piloting his Eva. He examined the magazine closely, making sure that he had it angled right, then slid it into the empty cartridge slot. With a smooth motion he pulled back on the relatively small shaft of metal laid perpendicular to the axis of the rifle, allowing the first depleted uranium slug to find its seat in the firing chamber.

"The capacitors in the rifle have enough charge to fire the entire clip on full automatic," Misato explained, "So if you need to just unload, but for now why don't you switch to single round firing for target practice?"

"Got it." Shinji replied, "Ummm, how do I do that?"

"Sorry," Misato chuckled, "Maya, how exactly do we do that?"

"There's a verbal command, just say 'pallet rifle: single fire mode,'" Maya replied from her station, "Alternatively, the weapon link overlay on your left should have all three modes selectable. Take a minute to familiarize yourself with it."

Shinji nodded to the camera, then glanced over at the image of the rifle displayed on the wall of his plug. Sure enough, there was a round count, forty-five at full capacity, and three fire modes: single, burst, and full automatic. Shinji reached over and tapped the command for single fire, then turned his attention back to the Eva.

Sinking into the link between himself and the cyborg, Shinji raised Unit-01's arms, aiming the rifle down the range into which Unit-01 had been moved prior to his arrival.

"The Magi should be calculating aim automatically for you Shinji," Misato called, "Can you see the reticle?"

Shinji blinked, pushing away the visual connection with the Eva itself in favor of the plug's camera suite. Sure enough, there was a reticle which moved as he moved the Eva's arms. The effort of using his own eyes in combination with the Eva's arms was an exercise in mental discipline, but he managed it with only a moderate amount of difficulty.

"What about when I'm using the eyes of Unit-01?" Shinji asked, "The reticle only shows up when I rely on the camera inputs."

Misato glanced over at Maya, whose mouth was open as she stared at the image of the pilot.

"Science geeks!" Misato cursed under her breath, "Maya, is there any way you can feed the Magi targeting solution through to the Eva itself?"

Maya shook herself, "I'll have to talk to Ritsuko about that Katsuragi-san."

Misato sighed, "Is there at least a holographic sight on the weapon that can be deployed?"

Maya looked uncomfortable, "Not exactly Misato-san…"

"Engineering here," Someone called over the circuit, "We'll start working on something right away. Don't worry Shinji-kun, the engineering corps won't let you down."

Shinji smiled at that, "Thanks Kodama-san."

"You bet kid," The woman replied, "Now get back to work."

"It looks like you're going to have to suffer through using the cameras for now Shinji," Misato called, "I don't know why nobody had thought of that, but I'll make sure there's a report about it."

"Kid shouldn't even be able to…" Maya grumbled.

The small science officer glanced over at the synch harmonics. Shinji was sitting at the comfortable 67%, he usually did when running a plug test. Ordinarily the people in science would have worried about the fact that he had not risen a single point higher than that in any standard plug test, but the truth was that Shinji almost always stayed at _exactly_ 67%.

When questioned about the reason for this, Shinji had told them that he was uncomfortable passing the Embrace of Eternity due to the reversal of pilot-Eva information flow. At request, he had been able to rise above 67% for brief periods, but had topped out at 72%. The backflow had provided some interesting data, but there was no reason to force their star pilot to push that limit when he was out combat. Shinji's records showed that he was capable of well above even that soft limit, if only in situations where stress pushed him farther.

The reason for Maya's consternation was that at 67%, Shinji shouldn't be able to reliably maintain a direct optical nerve feedback link between the Eva's own eyes and his occipital lobe. Yet, if the readings from his A-10 and his own words were any indication, that was exactly what the pilot was doing. Once again, Shinji Ikari was taking all of Ritsuko's theoreticals and upending them.

Down on the range, Shinji depressed the pallet rifle's trigger for the first time his life. The crack of a violated sound barrier told him that the electromagnetically accelerated slug had blasted down range, the round itself going wide of the target of Sachiel which had been set up for him to target.

"Looks like you're not snugging the butt of the rifle properly Shinji, these EMA rounds kick like a bear," Misato called, "Pull it close like a lover."

Shinji blushed, "I wouldn't know anything about that!"

Misato grinned, "I've seen the way you and Rei hold each other, just pretend she is there."

Shinji's face turned a darker shade of red, "Misato!"

"Rifle up soldier!" Misato barked, all teasing gone.

Shinji reacted reflexively to the command, the sound of a snapping strap echoing through his mind at the commanding tone. Snugging the rifle against his shoulder, he lined up the reticle with the image of Sachiel. Another squeeze and the second round punched straight through the core of the image.

"Good job Shinji!" Misato exulted, "Empty the rest of the clip on burst mode then pack it up. It looks like the Magi targeting system is fully functional. You should be able to conduct further training through the sims which Ritsuko is importing from Germany."

"Sims?" Shinji asked, "Why haven't I seen anything like that before?"

"They're new," Misato replied, "Data from your two battles with the Angels and some creative programmers have developed artificial programs to simulate a battle. They're probably not much good for actual combat, but they should be good enough to hone your point and fire reflexes."

"What about that holographic sight Kodama was talking about?" Shinji asked.

"We'll get you started on firing real weapons," Misato replied, "That's a close enough approximation that you should be able to transpose the experience onto firing an Eva's weapon."

Shinji pondered that for a moment then nodded, "Thanks Misato, I'll see you in a bit."

"Not until you get a shower!" Misato retorted, "I like you Shinji, but not when you're covered in that crap."

Shinji laughed, then fired off the rest of the clip. Sure enough, as long as he controlled his body's reaction to the firing, the Magi was able to accurately calculate the impact point of each of his projectiles. After several identical burst rounds the computer even started to extrapolate a wider horizontal reticle in imitation of the general grouping of his rounds.

After emptying the clip Shinji stowed the rifle on the wall, where engineering personnel immediately began to swarm over it. Settling back, Shinji closed his eyes and felt the bond with his Eva fade as it was shut down remotely. The sensation of being merely human again left his skin feeling slightly itchy, as if it were a shell which would split down the middle at any point, allowing his new form to break loose. The loss of the connection also brought a deep sense of loss, although Shinji was not sure that that was not a residual feeling which came from the Eva.

Ejecting his plug and stepping out, Shinji was surprised to find the now senior engineer third class Kodama Horaki waiting with a towel, which she slung at him expertly.

"How's it going kid?" She asked, flipping her ponytail back across her shoulder, "Hikari told me that you had another brush with death."

Shinji shrugged, trying to work as much of the LCL off of his body as he could before beginning the trek to the showers.

"I'm still alive right?" He asked, "Honestly, it was the least stressful near death encounter I have had in my entire life."

Kodama chuckled, "I won't ask. Look, Hikari won't ever say anything, but Nozomi and I want to meet you some time. Running in to you at work and pulling you out of the shattered remains of Unit-00 don't count. You're not a very good conversationalist when you have a perforated thorax."

Shinji chuckled at that, rubbing his chest absently at the memory of his first real injury from piloting.

"Okay Horaki-san," Shinji said, "What did you have in mind?"

"Ice Cream Dream in the third district," Kodama replied, "Tomorrow after school. They have a mochi ice cream which is worth committing and serving the sentence for at least two murders to taste. Hikari knows the way, just go with her after school, Nozomi and I will meet you there."

"Can Rei come?" Shinji asked.

Kodama hesitated, then nodded, "Why not. As far as I can tell the girl doesn't get out enough."

"I'll see you then." Shinji said, "Am I free to go sergeant?"

Kodama swatted him on the shoulder as he passed by, "Don't sass me kid, I make sure your guns work properly."

Shinji grinned as he made his way to the showers. A good twenty minutes later he emerged refreshed, only to be confronted by Ritsuko Akagi. Upon seeing her, Shinji felt a deep sense of discomfort. Even though what he had done to the doctor had been a form of justice, Shinji still felt deep inside himself that the act of pushing pain onto her had been… Wrong.

"Something I can help you with Akagi-san?" Shinji asked warily.

"What did you do to me?" She asked without preamble.

Shinji opened his mouth the explain, then shrugged. The truth was that he did not entirely understand the ability to connect with other people on more than a rudimentary level. What he had done to Ritsuko had been more instinct than actual planning. Instead of answering verbally, he reached out one of his hands.

Ritsuko recoiled from the appendage, her eyes going wide as she realized what he was offering.

"Don't worry," Shinji said, "I won't hurt you this time. I won't hurt you that way ever again, you have my word. I was in a dark place when that happened. What I do… it's not meant to be used that way I think. At least, it's not how I want to use it."

Hesitantly, Ritsuko Akagi reached out her hand. When their skin finally touched, Shinji closed his eyes let himself sink into the void, where the presence of the doctor was waiting to greet him. This time, instead of trying to blast through whatever defenses she had in place, he let his presence press against her being.

"Try to relax doctor," He said aloud, "Like I said, I won't hurt you. Besides, this should provide you with some data to work with."

The hardness of the doctor's presence softened, and Shinji pushed through the last barrier. Minor aches and pains washed over his own body as the link was completed. Ritsuko was not an old woman, but human bodies had a tendency to wear down under stress which was applied to them on a daily basis. Along with the pain, a deep sense of fatigue layered over with a broad gulf of hopelessness swept through Shinji, the most prevalent of the emotions which accompanied Ritsuko Akagi on a daily basis.

Having confronted this before with Rei, Shinji reached within himself, to that well of light which existed inside his own dark soul. Within the soul of Ritsuko Akagi, Shinji let himself shine for a brief moment, pushing back that grim tide.

"You're not alone in confronting what is to come Ritsuko," He said, his voice muddy to his own ears, "We are with you. Rei has convinced me that her past with you is not important, only the future. If she can forgive you for what you've done, I can too. Stand with us doctor, fight with us, and we shall rise with the morning sun, being more brilliant than the children of light could ever hope to be."

With a jolt, Shinji was slammed back into his body. Wavering slightly, he found the wall with his other hand.

'_What was that?'_ He asked himself, receiving no answer.

Ritsuko was also leaning against the wall, panting and basking in that feeling of wonder that warmed her from the inside. That warmth was fading already, but the memory of it was like a draft of fine wine. Releasing Shinji's hand, she straightened, buttoning up her lab coat.

"So you're some kind of empath?" she asked.

"I don't know," Shinji admitted, "It has something to do with connecting with the Eva. I've… changed, and now I can connect with things outside of it."

Ritsuko tapped her tablet for a moment, then nodded, "It certainly fits with the data we collected from your time in the plug with Rei. Aligning your nervous system with that of the Eva is the first step in activation, it's why we call it Gehenna's Gate, because from that point forward, whatever it feels, you will. Walk through fire, get burned."

Ritsuko made some more notations, "I'll need to run some more tests, but this is a very interesting development Shinji."

"An interesting development?" Shinji asked incredulously, "That's all you have to say?"

Ritsuko finally looked at the young man who had shared something deep with her moments earlier. The look in his eyes told her that she was forgetting something.

"Why don't you think about what I said for a few days rather than what I did," Shinji said, "You've got some things to figure out doctor, and until then, what I can do, it's off limits to you."

Ritsuko's mouth dropped open as she watched the pilot walk away from her. A trove of new data, of something new to discover, was walking away, and all she could do was watch.

When he was finally gone, Ritsuko shook herself to get her head back in gear. Before leaving, she tapped a series of commands on tablet and a small, red light on the surveillance device overlooking this hallway winked back to life.

XXXXXX

"Ready to go?" Misato asked, tossing her keys in the air.

"Yeah," Shinji replied, "I'm surprised they let you out so early."

"Rank hath its privileges!" She grinned, "Besides, I'm really not needed here unless the pilots are undergoing tactical training or there's an actual threat of combat."

"So…. What do you do when neither of those things is happening?" He asked, getting into the passenger seat.

Misato settle into her seat before responding, "I read, write, and file tactical reports which are either obsolete, or so wildly speculative that there is almost no need for them. I've already come up with dozens of basic strategies, but we never really know what form the next Angel will take. Although based on your propensity for close range combat I've started coming up with some game plans that play to that strength."

"Am I ever going to find out about these plans, or are they just theoretical?" Shinji asked, "Because it would be kind of nice to go up against the Angels with more than a prayer and a giant knife."

Misato sobered, "We've been playing catch up for a while now Shinji. I don't think you realize that I arrived here less than forty-eight hours before you did. I've been outfitting my division and working my way through the mess that it NERV's idea of tactical doctrine."

"Do you know where Rei is?" Shinji asked, changing tacks, "She wasn't at school today, and I didn't see her during my testing."

"She was scheduled for a meeting with the Commander in the middle of the day, the rest of the time was spent with Ritsuko working on one of her experiments," Misato replied, "From the reports I've seen, Rei had been sick for almost three years before you arrived at Tokyo-3."

Shinji glowered at the dashboard of the car, "She wasn't sick Misato, they've been hurting her. Did you know?"

Misato glanced over at him, "Nothing has happened since I arrived Shinji, and I hope you will let me know if something does. You know that I wouldn't put up with anything like that."

"Wouldn't you?" Shinji asked, "It seems to me that there are a lot people in NERV, even Rei's bodyguards, who put up with a lot of things that were done to her. Doesn't anybody care?"

Misato shifted uncomfortably, "The Commander is her guardian and our boss Shinji. I could file complaints against him, harass him verbally, or even resign in protest to what he does. That doesn't change the fact that unless his boss thinks he's doing a poor job, he still gets the last say in what happens here."

"So we're helpless when it comes to what he wants?" Shinji asked incredulously, "There's nobody we can go to above him?"

"If there is, I haven't been made aware of them," Misato confided, "NERV doesn't really answer to the JSDF. There might be a council in the UN which has some power over what we do, and we can certainly have our funding pulled, but that's about it."

Shinji clenched his fists and ground his teeth. The hatred he felt for his father was matched only by what he saw as a pitiful need for validation from the man. That recent realization, the fact that he still loved his father despite what he had done, made him sick to his stomach. Shinji hated himself as much as he hated his father for that fact.

Misato patted his arm, "Look, the Commander is usually too busy with big picture stuff to worry about us small folks. Whatever his plans are, they generally don't involve us."

"That makes me feel so much better." Shinji growled, "To know that his malice comes from neglect rather than true dislike of me."

It was Misato's turn to fall silent. She herself had grown to dislike her father long before the man's death. While he hadn't been anywhere near the callous manipulator that Gendo Ikari was, he had been absent from a large part of her life. Her father had been consumed with his work to the point that he had totally left his familial duties behind. A man too busy saving the world to save his family.

"I understand how you feel," She finally admitted, "My father wasn't there for me either. He wasn't as bad as the Commander, but just about the only time I saw him was right before his death."

Something stirred in Shinji's memory at the mention of Misato's father.

"Do you know what an S2 engine is Misato?" He asked.

As Shinji watched, Misato's knuckles grew white as they clenched around the steering wheel. A set of tactical, and most likely illegal, maneuvers put them on the road to home.

"It's classified beyond anything," Misato said, "I… I can't tell you much, but just know that it was what made my father leave me. His work on that thing is what killed him, and he almost let it kill me. Don't be like my father Shinji, don't leave the people you love to chase a dream. It never ends well."

The car grew silent then. The rest of the trip home saw the two of them absorbed in their own thoughts. When they finally arrived, Shinji busied himself in the kitchen with soba noodles and a vegetable broth he had been experimenting with. He decided to throw in some fish to supplement the meal since Rei would not be joining them.

Misato appeared in an overly large t-shirt and probably-not-shorts, causing Shinji to focus more on cooking than on the long legs moving around the small living area.

"Dinner's ready." He said, dropping the two bowls onto the table with glasses of water.

Misato sat across from Shinji and began slurping her noodles loudly.

"This is great!" She commented through a half-full mouth.

Shinji smiled and dug in as well.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Misato asked between bites, "We rarely have a night off at the same time, and I want to do something special with my favorite teen!"

"I was going to go to bed early," Shinji admitted reluctantly, "I'm still having a little trouble breathing."

Misato waved a dismissive hand, "Don't be boring Shinji. Do you want to go out or stay in?"

Shinji thought about it for a moment, then opened his mouth, "In."

"Perfect!" Misato crowed, "I didn't want to get dressed up anyway. Now it's just you, me and a bowl of popcorn. We should watch bloodletting V, the bloodening."

Shinji gave her a wary look, "Is that another slasher flic?"

"…Maybe." Misato hedged.

Shinji groaned, "I swear Misato, you have no taste in movies. It's my turn to pick. Alien Cheerleader Zombies from Hell was nothing more than an excuse to show boobs and blood on the TV."

Misato grinned lasciviously, "What, you prefer the real thing rather than on a screen?"

Shinji blushed, "No! I just want something more than a bunch of half-dressed zombies chasing high schoolers and murdering them. I only watched the first ten minutes and I know the entire plot."

"You're missing the point of it Shinji," Misato protested, "It's not about the plot, it's the art of the thing!"

"That is not art!" Shinji let out an exasperated snort, "Besides, it's my turn to pick a movie."

"Buuuuut Shiiiiiinnnnjiiii," Misato whined.

"No complaints Misato!" Shinji gestured imperiously, "Go take a shower or something, I'll summon you when everything is ready."

"Spicy popcorn?" She asked hopefully.

"Sweet and salty, and you'll like it." Shinji shot back.

Misato grumped, but busied herself in the bath and bedroom while Shinji cleaned up and quickly brought up a movie on the television. When Misato finally made her way back she had a towel over her head and a bathrobe on rather than clothes.

"Could you put something on?" Shinji muttered irritably.

"Nah," Misato said, dropping onto the couch, "My house, my rules. Besides, you should feel lucky, I don't let many men see me when I've washed my makeup off."

Shinji sighed, dropping down next to Misato and handing her a bowl full of caramel corn. Despite her earlier protests, the violet-haired woman took to the bowl with gusto. Shinji's first attempt at the stuff had been a blackened mess that had almost caused an evacuation of their floor. Luckily, they had gotten the fire under control, and Shinji had since learned how to make proper caramel corn.

"So what's this called?" Misato asked as Shinji hit play.

"Moonlight Over Tokyo," He supplied, "It's a historical drama."

"Sounds boring," Misato said around a mouthful of popcorn, "You'd better hope I don't leave."

Shinji smiled, "It's gotten a lot of praise for its portrayal of the third siege of Tokyo city during the post-second-impact crisis."

Misato took her customary posture, legs slung over her charge, the popcorn on her lap and her back braced against the arm of the couch. Shinji unconsciously twitched her bathrobe to restore a modicum of decency to the posture, then settled back, resigned to his fate. Misato was less outright flirty than she had been, but the woman wouldn't know propriety if it slapped her in the face.

At the start, Misato would occasionally make snide comments about some characters and their decisions. Shinji remained quiet, just enjoying the plot and the time he was spending with his guardian. As time passed, the comments turned to questions, which Shinji had some answers to. Questions finally gave way to exclamations and hurled pieces of popcorn.

"That idiot!" She yelled, "What was he thinking! Of course that battalion got cut off!"

"Shhhh," Shinji tried.

A short rant later, Misato grew quiet. The movie finally ended with the sacrifice of most of the volunteers and the loss of Tokyo-2 to the enemy. When Shinji glanced over at her, he saw the tears in her eyes.

"You okay?" Shinji asked.

"I was in Germany when this happened," She whispered, "School with Ritsuko. I remember hearing a lot of ridicule laid against the defenders of the city at the time. I agreed with them."

"Well, it's just a movie." Shinji tried, "I'm sure they took some liberties."

Misato shook her head, "No, it's almost completely accurate. There were a lot of stupid decisions made, but there were also a lot of heroic actions taken. Besides the loss and subsequent destruction of the city to bring down that specific warlord was what paved the way for the existence of Tokyo-3."

"A city built with the defense of the people of Japan in mind," Shinji said, "A bunker for the last remnants of a people who needed a final defense."

Misato nodded soberly, "Tokyo-3 was built to repel human invaders, but now it serves as a bastion against the Angels."

"How did they know to prepare for the first Angel?" Shinji asked, "How did they know to construct the Evas, or build a place like this, custom made to repel them?"

"Ritsuko and your father probably know," Misato replied, "NERV's roots travel back to before the second impact, it's the descendant of an organization called Gehirn. Ritsuko was with them for a while before they became NERV. I don't know why things changed, but they did, and now we're here. However they knew, I'm glad that they did. Without that knowledge we would all have died last month."

While Shinji was also glad for the existence of the Evas, and what that meant for the continued survival of Tokyo-3 and possibly the whole human race, he was not sure that he was thankful for NERV's foresight. Now that he had talked to Misato about it, the more he realized that something about NERV was not quite right.

The man with the glittering eyes had told Shinji that there were sublevels under NERV which held secrets. Secrets which would possibly turn him against the organization if he were to find out about them. While he doubted the veracity of the words of that being, those same words had planted seeds of doubt in Shinji's mind. Shinji did not believe the man to be stupid, and he would not have given such open information if it did not contain at least a grain of truth. What could possibly be bad enough that he would rather see the end of humanity than the success of NERV?

"Do you know what is in the sublevels under NERV?" Shinji asked suddenly.

Misato raised an eyebrow, "The what?"

Shinji regarded her carefully, looking for any hint of a lie, "The sublevels."

Misato gave him a speculative look, "I know they exist, but access to those is like many things, above my pay grade. Why do you ask?"

After Noble-3 and Tamako had awoken they had exhibited disturbingly little recall of what had occurred. Neither was able to tell them whether or not a man in a business suit had appeared in the hospital. Noble-3 even claimed that he had been on guard the whole time. After his vehement denials Shinji and Rei decided that it would be best to let sleeping dogs lie. There was something almost… surreal about the whole experience which neither one was interested in pursuing.

"I just… I get the feeling that there are things which I am not being told." Shinji replied lamely.

Misato laughed, "You and me both kid."

At Shinji's sullen look Misato chuckled again, then grew serious.

"Listen Shinji," She said, "I'm going to tell you something that you can _never_ tell anyone that I told you. It could mean me losing my job, no it would mean much worse for me, and possibly you. We're talking hit squad levels of danger here."

Shinji grew wary, "Are you sure you should be telling me this? I mean, I want to know, but I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Screw it," She said, "I'm tired of all of NERV's secrets, and maybe giving you this piece can help you unravel the mystery behind those sublevels of yours. I was just about your age when the second impact happened. I was the only survivor of an incident which occurred down in the Antarctic. I'm sure the entire episode has been classified beyond reason, but I never signed a form for it."

"The Antarctic?" Shinji asked, "What were you doing there?"

Misato snorted, "Giving my father a piece of my mind."

"So what happened?" Shinji asked.

Misato's eyes grew distant, "It was supposed to be his greatest breakthrough. A source of clean, renewable energy which would turn the foundering societies of the world onto a new course towards some great utopian ideal. My father and his expedition had found the last piece of the puzzle for his so-called S2 engine."

Misato's eyes cleared, then met Shinji's with a dire look in them, "My father found, and tried to exhume, the first Angel."

"My father caused the second impact."


	16. We All Scream!

Better Angels

Chapter 16

We All Scream!

**Wednesday, 14 days since Shamshel, 1200 hours**

Shinji was tired.

He had spent a good two hours last night grilling Misato on exactly what had happened on Gehirn's ill fated expedition, then spent the rest of the night tossing and turning until he finally gave up and started to do some research of his own. Everything in the official history told him that a meteor had caused the global extinction event known as the second impact.

Misato's explanation of events painted a very different picture.

NERV, or more precisely, its processor, Gehirn, had caused the second impact. Shinji was working for an organization that had murdered, or at least unintentionally killed, more people than any one person could comprehend. The worst part was that he was pretty sure that nobody else had the capacity to fight the Angels. It was Pandora trying to put everything back in the box.

'_Nii-san,'_ Shinji wondered in his mind, _'Did you know about this? Why didn't you tell me? How can any of this be for my own good?'_

As Shinji sat in class, his own concentration frayed beyond reason, he began to question the motives of the man who had said he loved him. Nii-san had spent so much time on activities which Shinji now considered outright frivolous. What was the point of art and mathematics in the face of the staggering secrets which NERV hid within its history?

Shinji was beginning to wonder what else Nii-san had held back. He was finding more and more that everyone was hiding something. Even Rei, who was his closest friend, had secrets which she held back from him. Why couldn't the specter who had dwelt in his mind for years have at least given him a hint of the spider's web into which he would be crawling when he started this whole odyssey?

"You are troubled." Rei broke into his spiraling thoughts.

Shinji blinked, looking over at Rei, "What?"

"It is lunch time and you have not stopped staring at the small imperfection fourteen centimeters from the top of your desk," Rei expounded, "Something is troubling you."

"What she said." Hikari added, leaning into his line of sight, "You're not yourself today Shinji. Are you still feeling the effects of…"

Shinji shook his head, "No, nothing like that. Misato just gave me something to think about."

Rei nodded, "Katsuragi-san is a celebrated tactician, perhaps she gave you a problem to work out?"

Shinji hesitated, "I… Yeah, something like that."

Rei was mollified, but Hikari looked him up and down with a more discerning eye.

"That's not the look of someone who is solving a 'tactical problem,'" She said, "You can trust us Shinji."

In the light of what Misato had just revealed to him, Shinji was not sure he could trust anyone. What secrets was Hikari keeping from him? Was her sister wrapped up in the conspiracy which drove NERV?

Hikari snapped her fingers in front of his face, glaring sternly at him, "Don't zone out on us again."

Shinji let the corners of his mouth droop in a frown, "Why don't you two go and eat. I need to think about... things."

"Should I tell Kodama that you're not in the mood for ice cream then?" Hikari asked, "Because I'm not sure I want you to meet my little sister in your current mood."

Shinji felt a surge of anger flow through his veins. Rei, who had been watching the exchange, quickly took Hikari's arm.

"Let us go Horaki-san," She said quickly, "I am _certain_ that Shinji will come when he is ready."

The significant look that the red eyed girl gave Shinji was like a dousing barrel. The hot anger in him was quenched suddenly, leaving the steam of shame in its wake. As Rei hurried an almost spluttering Hikari out, Shinji hung his head.

"I'm so tired." He sighed, putting his head in his hands.

XXXXXX

"What's up with pushing me around like that?" Hikari asked, biting into her food with vehemence, "Shinji is acting like a… like a boy!"

"Your words and actions constitute an unprecedented level of aggression as well Horaki-san," Rei noted, "I felt it necessary to separate you two so that you would have time to reassert your logical thought processes rather than fight. I have found that removing myself from a situation is the best remedy to uncontrolled emotional states."

Hikari gritted her teeth, then spoke, "My uncontrolled emotional state? He's just being touchy, worse, he's holding something back. I can't stand it!"

"I believe that you yourself are holding things back from our friend," Rei pointed out.

"It's not the same!" Hikari protested.

"How so?" Rei asked.

Hikari sighed, running a hand through her hair, "Fine, you're right. I'm being unreasonable. But something big just happened, something that is driving him away from everything around him. He _needs_ to talk about it with someone, but he's just being stubborn."

"Like you are often stubborn Horaki-san?" Rei asked.

"Stop being reasonable!" Hikari said, "You're supposed to commiserate with me when a boy causes problems. It's what girls do."

Rei paused, her own face going thoughtful. The by-play between the genders at school certainly took on aspects of opposition. The girls would often cluster together and make plans within plans to manipulate the boys, while the boys would do their best to dig in their heels and fight back when such manipulations were noticed. If caught alone, the males were susceptible to the females' whims, but in groups they developed a sort of communal resistance.

"So it is a form of conflict then?" Rei asked, "Males against females?"

"Of course!" Hikari spouted, "Even though Shinji is probably the least frustrating of them, he's still a boy, and boys never know what's good for them. That's why girls exist, to make sure that boys do the right thing."

"I see." Rei said, "Then I am supposed to reinforce your idea that Shinji is being irrational, while you yourself are the reasonable one."

"Yes." Hikari replied.

"This will require further research." Rei said, then went back to her food.

Hikari was flabbergasted. At first she had thought that she was finally getting some gender dynamics through to the bluenette, then she had suddenly been shut down. Settling back to her own lunch with a dark cloud hanging over her head, Hikari plotted.

Shinji never did join them for lunch. When they finally filed back into the classroom they found him face down on his desk snoring. Hikari slipped into her seat and sulked while Rei gently tried to wake Shinji. After successfully rousing him, Rei took her seat and surreptitiously kept an eye on her friend. Hikari was right, Shinji was holding something back, and it was troubling him.

Based on his general appearance, Shinji had either not slept last night, or failed to sleep for the bare minimum required for basal level functioning. In either case, part of his reticence probably stemmed from his lack of sleep. Furthermore, anything which would have kept Shinji from sleep was probably a problem of at least Angel-level proportions. That would mean that it had something to do with NERV. She was unsure of the exact nature of the revelation that had thrown him askew, but her own knowledge of the inner workings of that organization gave her a good idea as to why he was suddenly acting paranoid.

With that thought, Rei made a decision. Perhaps Hikari was right, it was the job of girls to make sure that boys did the right thing. She would need to make several preparations before hand, but there was one thing that she could do to help heal the rift which was beginning to grow between Shinji and herself.

"One question." She said to him.

"What?" He asked.

"I will answer one question truthfully." She said, "I will break my word to your father for one question. Think on it carefully Shinji, I do not offer to impugn my honor lightly."

Shinji stared at her, then turned back to his desk, focusing in on the knot of wood which had served as a focus for his whirling thoughts. What would he ask Rei if he could get one truthful answer?

XXXXXX

Hikari had led the pair of pilots after school to the pink and teal labeled Ice Cream Dream after school. Standing across the street from the building, Shinji paused for a moment, looking at Rei.

"Could you give us a moment Hikari?" Shinji asked, "I need to talk to Rei about some piloting stuff."

Hikari fumed, but a quelling look from Rei sent her stomping off to the parlor.

"This is not an appropriate place for a conversation about secrets Shinji." Rei said.

"It's not that," Shinji said, raising a placating hand, "I just… I wanted to apologize to you for being confrontational today."

Rei glanced towards Hikari, "I believe your apology would be better spent on our mutual friend. The way you have acted has perturbed her greatly."

Shinji gritted his teeth, "I don't know what you guys talked about after I went to the hospital, but Hikari was been… contrary ever since then."

Rei nodded, "Horaki-san made a realization about your relationship with her and it has thrown her world into disarray."

"Wait, what?" Shinji asked, dumbfounded.

"You need not worry about it Shinji," Rei said, "I have sworn to keep Horaki-san's secrets as surely as I have those of your father. Horaki-san has not given me any reason to violate her trust, so I will not reveal what I know to you. I would counsel you to treat her kindly for the time being though, she is very sensitive right now. I am well acquainted with the depths of your understanding and compassion. I would ask that you exercise those virtues for her benefit right now, even if she fails to reciprocate."

"Are you asking me to be nice to her?" Shinji asked, "She's been more overbearing than usual."

"And I am telling you that she has good reason to be doing so, at least in her own mind," Rei explained, "If you wish to drive one of your two friends away, then you may carry on as you have. Whatever secret you learned from Katsuragi-san has clearly affected you deeply, do not let that effect drive away those you care about."

"What about you Rei, are you going to walk away if I 'carry on' as I have?" Shinji asked snidely.

Rei locked gazes with him, a hardness that no level of indifference could have emulated shining in them, "I am yours until death Shinji Ikari. I will be your shield and your strong right arm all the days of my life. I do not say that nothing could come between us, but I pity the life expectancy of anything which did. Speaking in such theoreticals is an insult to yourself, and to me."

She turned on her heel to cross the street, not waiting for him, "If all you wish is to be alone with your anger and paranoia, then go. I intend to do my best to build something with someone who I hope will become my second friend in life."

Shinji watched her go, frozen to the spot as he tried to make up his mind on what exactly he was going to do. The thing that made up his mind was the memory of a red-eyed bluenette sitting on a bench, alone despite the presence of her fellow pilot. Shinji had let Rei down once already. She expected more from him now, she expected better. Moreover, she deserved more.

When Shinji entered the establishment he found Hikari, Kodama, Rei, and a little girl with black rather than brown hair sitting together at one of the tables. Kodama and the girl, whom Shinji suspected of being Nozomi, had already obtained their ice cream, the younger one consuming it with the gusto only a child could attain.

Rei gave Hikari a nudge, causing the girl to look up. When she spotted their erstwhile friend, Hikari's eyes grew flinty and she turned away from him. Kodama noticed the move and leveled her gaze at Shinji, raising an eyebrow in question. Shinji felt his shoulders slump under the nonverbal assault as he sank into the booth next to Rei.

"Kodama-san," He said, "It's good to see you."

Kodama took the time to finish the ice cream on her spoon, "Hey Shinji, why don't you take the girls and go get your ice cream, no point in introductions while Nozomi-chan is… busy."

The girl in question barely looked up, focused on the pink swirl of her ice-cream, "Hi Shinji-san, Hikari-nee-chan likes you!"

The mortified look on Hikari's face was only matched by the grin suddenly plastered to Kodama's face. Shinji's face had turned bright red at the declaration, while Rei simply sat looking between all of her table companions with an air of long suffering.

"I think this is going well." Kodama said happily, "Why don't you three go get something, we can talk more after your stomachs aren't ready to revolt."

Rei, unsurprisingly, ordered chocolate. The girl was almost obsessed with the stuff now that Shinji and Hikari had opened her eyes to its wonders. In this case, it was a chocolate base with a chocolate fudge swirl, topped with chocolate chips. Ordering the largest size, Rei appeared ready to put the flavor's name to the test: Death by Chocolate. Shinji decided on a mango mochi, while Hikari got herself a coconut-pineapple. When they sat down to eat Shinji was forced to agree that this was the best ice cream he had ever tasted.

Of course, Shinji's experience with ice cream was even more rare than his experience with physical affection. The eating of their selections proceeded without words for a few minutes, everyone intent on what they were doing rather than the people around them. Just when Shinji was going to try and say something, anything, an unexpected savior appeared.

Nozomi burped, then covered her mouth, her cheeks going red, "Excuse me!"

Everyone laughed, and the spell which had kept them silent was broken.

"So Shinji," Kodama said, "You're not from around here. I know what brings you to Tokyo-3, but I was wondering if you would tell us where you grew up?"

Shinji's stomach soured, "It's… not important where I am from. I don't even really know the name of the nearby town. I grew up fairly isolated from others."

Kodama frowned, "So… North then?"

Shinji nodded, "I'd have to look at a map to know exactly where, but I know that I got on the train at Tsuru when I came here."

"Interesting," Kodama said, "I guess your father wanted you at least within shouting distance. The rest of us are glad that you were so close, things might have gone differently if you had been farther away. It probably wasn't easy growing up alone though."

Shinji nodded, frowning to himself at her words. The isolation of the small cabin which he had shared with his sensei had been the least of the problems he associated with that place.

"What about you Horakis?" Shinji asked, trying to curb the conversation away from himself.

Kodama grinned at her sisters, "We've lived in this area since before it was renamed the capital. It was a lot smaller then, but it was relatively safe when the second impact happened."

"Relatively." Hikari remarked darkly.

Kodama's grin faded, "Yeah, she's right. Thanks to some local… problems, it's just the three of us now. Mom actually got to see the process of our little city's transformation into Tokyo-3 before she was killed."

Shinji sat back, "Killed?"

Kodama waved her hand, indicating Nozomi, who was wide-eyed now, "Not now Shinji, you're with the kids!"

Shinji nodded soberly, "Of course Kodama-san."

The time passed from there with discussion of less onerous topics. Shinji learned a great deal about Nozomi, who was eight years old, and a fervent follower of some pop group named Neo-Starz. Shinji smiled and tried to think of questions to ask the youngster, who carried most of the conversation.

Kodama had been eight when the second impact had occurred. Despite the upheaval, she had graduated with honors from her high school, early due to accelerated programs at the time, and had gone on to the newly formed technical university in Kyoto, where she had completed her mechanical engineering degree in record time. NERV had snapped her up when she returned to Tokyo-3, allowing her to take guardianship of her sisters from their aunt who had been caring for them in the interim.

Hikari, for her part, alternated between darting him worried, dark, and other indiscernible looks. Shinji was almost positive that she did not actually 'like' him in the way Nozomi had stated. Her further disgruntlement with him during the whole affair reinforced his opinion to new heights. When he tried to engage with her she gave him perfunctory answers.

This did not escape the notice of Kodama, who sighed audibly every time Hikari rebuffed Shinji's attempts at conversation. At such junctions Hikari shot her older sister a look made from death itself, causing her older carbon-copy to roll her eyes. Before too long the engineer gathered hers and Nozomi's empty cups and stood.

"It was good to talk to you Shinji," Kodama said, "I'd better get some sleep before my shift tonight. We're going to slap that attachment onto the R-I-F-L-E tomorrow."

"I can spell you know!" Nozomi muttered indignantly, "And I know that Ikari-san is a pilot. How else would you know him!"

Kodama frowned and spoke in a grave voice, "Of course Nozomi-chan. You are absolutely right, but this is top secret information. There will be grave consequences if you utter it to anyone."

Nozomi's eyes grew wide, and she shook her head vehemently, "I would never tell!"

Kodama smiled maliciously, "Good, because the thought of you revealing our deep, dark secret makes my fingers itch…"

Nozomi squealed and ran for the door, Kodama chasing after her with wriggling fingers, yelling something about tickling. Shinji watched with a bemused expression, noting out of the corner of his eye that Rei was also watching, a miniscule smile on her face.

"I'd better go too." Hikari said, squeezing past the two pilots, "I'll see you both tomorrow."

Rei gave Shinji a significant look, but restrained him when he went to try and stop Hikari.

"You did the right thing," Rei said, then paused, "I think."

"You think?!" Shinji asked, flabbergasted.

Rei shrugged as the three Horaki girls exited the building, "I have little experience when it comes to forging and maintaining the bonds of friendship."

She took the opportunity to lean against his side, "What we have… According to all of my research, it is not normal."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "So what is normal then?"

Rei shrugged, "I do not know. At this point, it makes little difference to me. I have a suspicion that normal friends do not share parts of their soul with one another."

"You're probably right," Shinji said, "Of course, I don't know much more than you do, so I guess we're both going to have to learn together. Hikari isn't being much help right now."

"Hikari-san has been most helpful to me," Rei contradicted, "She is very confused right now. I think she needs time."

"We could all use some more time…" Shinji muttered, "Do you ever wonder if this, I mean the Angels and the Evas, will ever end? That we'll get to live our lives as normal people? Did you hear Nozomi-chan? Her biggest worry in the world is whether or not her favorite band will release a new single."

Rei shook her head, "If history is any educator, the need for the Evas will always exist, even if the Angels stop appearing for some reason. There is no evidence to suggest that they will stop doing so however."

Shinji groaned, "So we're going to be fighting for the rest of our lives?"

Rei turned her head up to regard him, "However short they are Shinji. However short."

"Let's go home." Shinji said, "You owe me an answer."

Rei nodded stoically, rebalancing herself to walk, "I agree Shinji, one answer."

XXXXXX

"Before we begin, there are several rules that you must adhere to," Rei said calmly, standing before Shinji as he was seated on his couch, "First, you cannot push me. I will elaborate as much as I can, from there, you will have to extrapolate to get the answer you want."

"This is really cryptic Rei," Shinji said, "Are we going a guessing game or something?"

Before they had settled in at Shinji's apartment, they had made a quick stop at Rei's. She had entered alone and returned, stating that time was short.

Rei shook her head, "No, nothing that simple. Second, you must stay where you are. Be as inconspicuous and harmless looking as you can."

"Last of all, I will ask you to do something when this is over. You must do it without fail, or there will be serious consequences. Are you ready?"

Shinji looked at her worriedly, "Are you?"

Rei nodded somberly, "As agreed, I will try to answer your one question to the degree of accuracy which I can. You may ask for clarification, but I may not be able to give it."

"May not?" He asked.

"Ask your question." Rei said, ignoring his reply.

Shinji had thought hard about what question he would ask Rei. The mysterious number thirteen that she had spoken had briefly drifted through his mind, but he had decided against that. Besides that one outburst, Rei had never chosen to elaborate on what that meant. He knew that Rei was close to his father, and he had thought of asking her something about him. The idea that he even wanted to know about the man made him sick.

Instead, he had settled on something that he thought Rei might know about, if only because she had spent a large portion of her life associated with NERV.

"What is in the sublevels below NERV?" He asked.

Rei's eyes went blank for a second, her face locking into a mask, "I do not know what is in all of them only…"

A spasm shot through her body, though her spine stayed stiff as a pole, "Four."

"Sublevel four?" He asked.

Rather than respond, Rei stared at the space behind the couch. Shinji checked behind himself, but there was no one there.

"Are you okay Rei?" He asked, beginning to rise to his feet.

"Stay seated!" She barked, "Remember the rules. Elaborate!"

"What is in Sublevel four then?" He asked carefully, "Rei, you're starting to sc-"

Rei's face was blank still, but her eyes were full of restless energy. She stood like that for at least two minutes. Shinji was about to stand up when she opened her mouth.

"I am thirteen." She said woodenly.

"Thirteen what?" Shinji asked before he could stop himself.

Rei was frozen for another long minute. Eventually, one hand shook vigorously as it rose, pointing downwards towards the geofront. Shinji was certain that she was pointing directly at Unit-00.

"One." She said, her teeth gritted.

The same hand arced back towards her in slow motion, "Thirteen."

"Two." She said, pointing down.

"Three." The same gesture

"Four." The hand was still unwavering.

"Five." That hand began to shake.

"Six." She paused as Shinji grabbed her arm.

"Enough." He said gently.

The empty look in her eyes bored through him, "Stand behind me, lock your elbow around my throat, and choke me into unconsciousness. Approximately fifteen seconds will ensure that I am unconscious. Do not wake me."

"I can't do that." Shinji replied vehemently.

"You promised," She ground out, "If you do not do this, one or both of us will die."

He felt her desperation, and something much darker through the bond. Deferring to her judgement, he moved around behind her slowly and did as she asked. It only took eight seconds, the muscles on his friend growing ever more tense as the end approached. When she finally collapsed he laid her gently on the couch.

When Misato arrived home there was no dinner, just two teenagers passed out on her couch, Shinji's hand gently cradling Rei's head where it rested in his lap.

XXXXXX

**Thursday, 15 days since Shamshel, 0600**

Rei awoke groggy. She did not remember a time in her life when she had felt his bad on waking, not even after being seriously injured in the first activation test of Unit-00. Her memory of the night before was hazy, she knew that she had promised Shinji an answer to one question, but she had no memory of giving him one.

The smell of something cooking drew her back to a relative form of consciousness. Sitting up, she looked across the small living area to see Shinji in the kitchen, flipping some kind of flat bread. Moving without her usual unconscious grace, Rei stumbled to the small divider which separated the kitchen from the dining area.

Shinji turned to her with a smile and plate full of those flat breads, "Pancakes?"

Taking the plate and a jar of some kind of red syrup she made her way to the table, then began to devour the food with abandon. When the last crumb was gone, Rei decided that she very much enjoyed pancakes, especially with raspberry sauce. Shinji deposited a cup of both tea and water, along with two white pills in front of her.

"You're hungover," He said.

Rei nodded, "Yes, it increases the potency of the drug."

"Do you remember what happened last night?" He asked.

"Thankfully, no." Rei said, "Did you get your answer?"

Shinji nodded, "I think so. Well, as good of an answer as I think I will get out of you."

Rei looked down, shame causing a small blush to spread across her face, "I am sorry."

She felt Shinji take her hand. A brief moment later, the residual effects of the drug she had taken flowed across their bond, causing her to shiver at the sudden relief. Shinji held himself upright, but she could tell by the tension in the corners of his eyes that it was only through main force of will. She pushed the pills towards him, but he only shook his head.

"They don't work," He muttered, rubbing his head, "However I draw pain from your body, it doesn't cause the same effects in my own. Ritsuko would probably have a fancy name for it."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "I see."

"I sometimes wish I didn't," He groaned, "You'll want to take those anyway, they'll stave off any residual pain which might happen after this."

Rei nodded, taking both pills with a swallow of water.

"Can I talk about my answer." He asked after she was done, "Or will that… hurt you?"

Rei paused, then nodded, "Be vague, and don't expect me to help."

Shinji nodded, "So, Unit-00 is Rei one. You are Rei thirteen. And two through twelve are… dead?"

Rei did not respond, but the blank look on her face told him enough.

"Okay." Shinji said, "I don't need anything else."

"Do you hate me now?" She asked suddenly, her eyes full of fear and… shame?

"Never." Shinji said, reaching across the table and giving her hand a squeeze.

"But I am-" She stopped, he tongue growing heavy as she even thought of saying it.

Shinji shook his head vehemently, "I think I have an idea as to _what_ you are. The only thing that matters to me is _who_ you are. That hasn't changed."

Rei smiled, brilliant warmth filling her and seeping through the bond as she gripped his hand back, "Thank you."

"Well this is cute." Misato's dry voice spoke from the hallway, "I wasn't expecting breakfast and a show."

Shinji and Rei snatched their hands back, both flushing as they turned to Misato.

"I was just-" Shinji tried.

"We were-" Rei spoke at the same time.

Misato burst out laughing. Her howls of laughter probably woke the neighbors. The two teens tried to sink into the floor as Misato finally got a hold of herself, wiping tears from her eyes.

"You two are too much!" She laughed, "You could have slept in Shinji's bed you know. At least then I wouldn't have to wonder whether or not I needed to clean the couch."

Rei's cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red, "Captain, Shinji and I are not… intimate."

"Playing hard to get?" She asked, scooping up her own plate of pancakes, "I can see that. It drives men crazy when they can't have what they want."

"It's not like that!" Shinji declared furiously, "We would never-"

Misato held up a restraining hand, "Cool it kid. If I thought you guys were doing the deed I would have shown you where I keep the condoms. They're on the top shelf behind the bathroom mirror by the way. Just in case."

"I know," Shinji growled, "I was the one who put them away."

Misato laughed, "Oh right, I forgot. So, what were you two up to last night if Shinji wasn't trying to put the moves on you Rei-chan?"

"Nothing!" They said in unison, Shinji's voice strangely higher than Rei's.

Misato grinned, "Okay then, keep your secrets."

Shinji suddenly remembered something, and dove for it like an escape hatch, "Misato, I won't be home for dinner tonight."

"Really?" Misato asked, her grin growing wider, "You're not doing a very good of convincing me that nothing is happening."

"Not that!" He yelled, "I'm going to have dinner with the Suzuharas."

"That kid from your class?" Misato asked, "The one who punched you?"

"How do you know that?" Shinji asked suddenly.

Misato waggled a finger at him, "I am your mother… well, your guardian anyway. I know everything. That, and I get a copy of all Section Two reports on you. That kid is lucky that Noble-1 thought you needed to, as she says, "build character" that day. Can you imagine him being buried under two agents after he hit you?"

Shinji rubbed his eyebrow at the memory, "The bench did most of the work."

Misato chuckled, "I'll be sure to let Noble team know so that they can exact their vengeance on its woody exterior."

Their banter was interrupted by a buzzing from three separate areas of the house, followed by a tone which all of the NERV employees recognized. Dashing for their phones, each one arrived at their own in a matter of seconds.

"Looks like that dinner is cancelled Shinji!" Misato yelled, "It's time to go to war!"

"You don't need to sound so excited!" Shinji yelled back, "You're not the one who has to go up against those things!"

"Quit complaining and get some clothes on," Misato shot back, her shirt already flying through the air as she hurried to her room.

Shinji caught a glimpse of a rather lacy black bra as the violet-haired woman ducked through the doorway.

"Rei, you'd better get ready too!" Misato yelled, "We'll be by in ten minutes, I don't want you showing up at NERV with sex hair. All the ladies will get jealous."

"I do not believe that my hair-" Rei started.

"Move it girl!" Misato yelled, "I don't have time to talk while I'm indecent! Shinji, why are you still at the table!"

Shinji was staring down at his phone reading the priority one message which had just plastered itself to the home screen of every NERV issue phone in the entire city.

_Blue pattern confirmed, the fifth Angel has arrived. All pilots and relevant personnel are to report to NERV immediately._ _This is not a drill._


	17. Distant Thunder

Better Angels

Chapter 17

Distant Thunder

"Report!" Misato snapped, stepping out of the elevator and on to the command bridge.

"The Angel is approaching from the Southeast," Hyuga reported, "Current air speed puts it within range of the outer ring in a little over a day."

Misato nodded, taking her own seat. Commander Ikari was nowhere to be seen, but that suited Misato just fine. The man might know how to wrangle every last yen out of a goat trader, but he was no tactical genius.

"Have Unit-00 and Unit-01 prepared for full combat operations," She ordered, "I want them ready for deployment to the farthest cable station with full long-range combat gear. If it's going to stroll on in, let's not leave the door wide open."

"Colonel Dunham also wants to speak with you," Aoba said, "Something about a preliminary strike."

Misato sighed, "Has he watched the videos, read the reports?"

"Yes ma'm," Aoba replied, "He even summarized them for me when I asked. He says his people still want a shot at it before it comes in range of the city."

"Have him meet me in briefing roof three," Misato replied, "And send the pilots there too when they get done suiting up."

"Understood." Aoba replied.

"Bloody Americans…" Misato growled, stalking towards the briefing area.

Colonel Michael Dunham was already waiting for her when she entered. His flight suit had already been donned, and the helmet that he would wear into combat had been placed carefully before the seat which he was standing behind.

"Captain Katsuragi," He said, extending a hand, "Colonel Dunham, USAF."

Misato, her time in Germany having trained her in the act, instinctively took the hand. His grip was strong, almost to the point of overpowering. Flyboys, even the Japanese ones, were always confident in how much better they were than everyone else. It looked like Colonel Dunham was shaping up to be just like them.

"Colonel," Misato replied cordially, "I understand that you want to deploy your squadron for an advanced strike."

He nodded, "Yes ma'm, there's no cover quite like air cover, and my pilots are itching for some action."

Misato sighed, "Aoba tells me that you actually read all of the material he gave you. What makes you think that it is a good idea to send your men and women up against that thing?"

Before Dunham could reply, Shinji and Rei entered the room. Both were wearing NERV issue overcoats to keep the cold of the command center at bay, but one look at their legs confirmed that each was ready to be dropped into their plugs at a moment's notice. Misato had been trying to get the necessity of their wearing the suits hours before an engagement negated, but bureaucracy was a truly terrible beast to contend with when it came to policy changes.

When the Colonel noticed the two teens he halted what he was saying. Executing a perfect about face, he strode up to stand before Shinji, stopping about a half-meter away. Shinji took a nervous step back as the serious face of the man regarded him for a moment. Then, without further preamble, the man raised his right hand in a perfect salute, held it for a moment, then dropped the arm back to his side while maintaining an at-attention stance.

"Lieutenant Ikari," He said, "On behalf of the United States armed services and as a representative of the Commander in Chief, I offer you my congratulations and the gratitude of the American people. I was just discussing with Captain Katsuragi how we could best integrate our forces for a strike on the incoming Angel. I would consider it a privilege if you and your fellow pilot would join us."

Shinji's mouth tried to reach the floor. When he failed to respond, Rei stepped up, bowing slightly to the man.

"Colonel," She said, recognizing the markings on his uniform, "Shinji is a little overwhelmed right now, but we would be happy to share our experience with you."

Colonel Dunham nodded, then returned to stand before Misato, who was also trying to get her jaw back on its proper hinge.

"Captain?" He asked, a wry smile on his face.

Misato shook herself, then gave him a hard look, "Okay colonel, you have my attention. What's your plan?"

"To start," He said, gesturing to a laptop he had brought with him, "I want to do a standard flyby. We'll hit that thing with a few SRM42s and see how that works out."

"You should know that its AT field will easily deflect those," Misato pointed out, "What's the point?"

"I'm well aware of that Captain," He replied, "What I'm hoping to do is draw out a response. Let me put something up for you."

The Colonel opened his laptop and pulled up a video. The three NERV employees gathered around and watched as Unit-00 was perforated by the ruby projectiles of the fourth Angel, sending it into a pseudo-rage which had resulted in it being cut off from its power supply.

"Those hurt…" Shinji muttered, rubbing his chest absently.

"Exactly," Colonel Dunham said, "I will admit that I'm just about as green as can be when it comes to fighting giant monsters, but I understand the need for aerial reconnaissance and intelligence collection. I would be willing to bet you a week's salary that the outcome of that battle would have been much different if Lieutenant Ikari here hadn't been caught off guard by his opponent's capabilities."

Misato regarded the colonel for a moment, "Are you suggesting turning your own soldiers into bait? We lost a lot of aircraft to the third Angel, that's part of the reason why we didn't deploy any against the fourth."

"Ma'm," Colonel Dunham said, "The VT-05 is a fine craft, but compared to our F-26 Nighthawks, you might as well be standing still. We'll take a position to draw its fire, then bug out at the first sign of trouble."

"Death is still on the line," Misato said, "Can your pilots handle that."

"Why don't you ask Lieutenant Ikari?" Colonel Dunham said, turning to face the teen, "How about it son?"

Shinji shrank back at suddenly being the center of attention, "I-I… If I don't, a lot of people will die. I don't have a choice."

Colonel Dunham nodded, then turned back to Misato, "My squadrons were briefed by the secretary of the UN herself ma'm. We know the stakes, and we all had our last will and testaments updated before shipping out. Your lieutenant has the right idea here, death is a risk, but a lot more people are going to die if we fail. We're willing to do our part to make sure that our young friends here succeed."

Misato glanced at Shinji, raising her eyebrows, "Shinji? Rei?"

Shinji stepped up hesitantly, "I don't want anyone to die, but I think the colonel is right. I almost lost last time because the Angel had an ace that I couldn't deal with."

Rei nodded, "The colonel's advice is sound in my mind."

Misato focused her attention of the colonel, "Alright, your flyby is approved, but tell your pilots not to be heroes. The moment it attacks you get out of there, the Evas will be standing by to cover you if things get crazy."

The colonel snorted, "It'll be the first time I've gotten good ground support. We'll do our flyby and standby for an N2 strike if your pilots need backup."

Misato nodded, "I'll let you get back to your soldiers colonel."

Colonel Dunham picked up his helmet and laptop, gave her a nod, saluted Shinji and Rei, then moved to go.

"Colonel?" Shinji asked timidly.

The man paused, turning to face him, "Lieutenant?"

"Why do you call us that?" Shinji asked, "Lieutenant, I mean."

"There is a certain type of person in this world Shinji," He said gravely, "Someone who willingly places themselves between danger and the innocent. In my country we call them soldiers, and we honor them accordingly for their sacrifice. NERV and the JSDF can call you whatever they want, but to me and mine, you and your fellow pilot are soldiers, and damn good ones at that."

"In the United States armed services only officers can be pilots," He continued, "Lieutenant is still too low of a rank for a real combat veteran of your caliber, but it's about all we can get away with calling you without pulling down hell from the brass. So for now that's what we call you, because to do any less would dishonor both of you. I've been told that the Japanese prize honor highly, and it's the least we can do for those who have already saved us twice."

"By your leave?" He asked.

Shinji nodded numbly, watching as the colonel exited the room.

"That was… interesting." Misato said, "A military commander who isn't a complete fool."

"Who exactly was that?" Shinji asked, "And why is he here?"

"Colonel Michael Dunham," Misato said, "Him and his squadrons were sent by the UN as backup. The United States made a big fuss about not being involved in the conflict and got them transferred here. Commander Ikari and his bosses have been working to get them transferred out, but for now they're here to help."

"Why would my father want to send help away?" Shinji asked, "At the very least it's money that he doesn't have to allocate to aircraft."

"NERV doesn't like outsiders interfering with their work," Misato said, "A few years ago, with fervor for the impending crisis at a fever pitch, the commander could have had them sent away immediately with no more than a phone call. Confidence in NERV has been shaken due to a lot of failed projections which they published. Now the UN wants a freer hand in operations and if they don't get it, we lose money."

Shinji nodded thoughtfully, "So its politics then."

"Exactly," Misato said, "You're getting smarter every day Shinji. It makes this old lady's heart swell."

Shinji snorted then turned to Rei, "Well, lieutenant?"

Rei regarded him calmly, then let a small smile cross her lips, "He is… logical."

"Don't get too attached," Misato warned, "If he chooses to fly tomorrow there is a good chance that he will end up dead. He seems the type to lead from the front, and in a deathtrap like the F-26…"

"I think the world would be a lesser place for that." Shinji murmured.

XXXXXX

"Baseplate this is Eagle-1, we're making our initial pass in ten, standby for telemetry." The crisp voice of Colonel Michael Dunham echoed through Shinji's plug.

Rei's figure was displayed to his right, and he briefly glanced at her, only to see the bluenette focused on the feed from the Nighthawks.

"We're hitting some kind of EM interference," the colonel called, "The electronics are handling it fine though. Deploying SRM42s, keep those eyes open kids, we're about to poke the beast."

"Roger" Came the voices of the colonel's two wingmates.

Shinji settled his Eva on the top of the hill which overlooked the southeastern shore of Japan. The geometrical shape of the alien had made landfall less than an hour ago, and it was advancing steadily despite the occasional artillery bombardment. So far, its AT field had deflected every attack, leaving Shinji to question whether the flyby was a good idea.

With a flash, something detonated against the AT field of the Angel. Shinji assumed it was the SRM42s that the colonel had spoken of. The defensive barrier shrugged off the attack like all of the others, the Angel continuing forward without a care in the world.

"Negative effect!" The colonel called out, "We're maintaining contact, but it doesn't appear to be worried about us… Do we have permission to deploy an N2 warhead?"

Misato watched the circling Nighthawks. The colonel's plan had been a good one, but it looked like it would be down to the Evas to draw out their opponent's weapons.

"Negative colonel," Misato replied, "Stand down and keep yourselves behind that mountain range. Standby to provide air support."

The colonel didn't respond for a good five seconds, then finally broke the silence, "Roger ma'm, Eagle squadron taking up covering position. We've got your back lieutenant, give 'em hell."

Shinji tapped his communicator, "Thanks colonel."

A click from the comm told him that the colonel had acknowledged his last, and the three Nighthawks disappeared from Shinji's view.

"Rei, take up a covering fire position on the ridge," Misato called, "Shinji, move up by increments, try to stay behind cover."

Shinji looked down at the wide plain that lay between him and the Angel, "What cover?"

"Deploying!" Maya called.

Sheets of titanium-A plating sprung forth from the ground, forming a series of covering obstacles that would protect Shinji in the case of an attack.

"Oh." He said, "This is much better than I'm used to."

"Courtesy of the engineering corps!" Maya replied, "Kodama sends her love."

Shinji clambered over the hill top and began a quick lope towards the artificial fortress which NERV had established for this battle. As he approached the Angel Shinji began to feel the interference which Eagle squadron had described. However, rather than being a simple scrambling of instruments, Shinji felt the atmospheric change as a sort of… music.

"I… I think its singing." Shiji said, "Can someone tell me if I'm going crazy here?"

Maya looked over her screen, "We're not getting any sound here, but your AT field is rippling, you've run into a very diffuse form of- FIND COVER!"

Shinji reacted swiftly to the shout, diving behind one of the plates. A moment later he felt the metal heat and sag behind him.

"Move!" Misato yelled, "It's cutting straight through!"

Shinji dove to the side, beginning a sprint as the air behind him lit up with a beam of energy. He had no time to look back, but he could feel the blistering heat slowly softening the armor of his unit as it tried to track his swift moving form.

"The Angel is rotating!" Aoba called, "Its primary weapon appears to be at the junction point where the triangles meet. The Magi indicate that there is one at each corner of the basal square of the object."

The roar of an electromagnetically accelerated round cut through the chatter. In the confusion, Rei had stayed cool, taken aim, and fired off her rifle. The three meter slug from her long rifle slammed into the Angel's AT field, causing a wave of octagons to ripple along the invisible surface.

"Maintining covering fire," Rei stated calmly, "Keep moving Shinji, I will attempt to draw its fire."

As soon as the round hit the field, Shinji had felt the heat pressure slacken. Taking a moment to glance at the rear camera, he found that the Angel had begun rotating to put the hill behind which Rei had taken cover within its sights.

"It's targeting you Rei!" Shinji yelled, rolling behind a plate for momentary cover, only to watch as it began to melt before his eyes, "How long can it keep this up?"

"Maya!" Misato yelled, "What do you have for me?"

Maya was furiously typing, "We're not seeing any kind of heat radiation from the object. I don't think it has to pause to cool down."

"Captain, we're splitting to attack vectors at points one-two-zero degrees apart," Colonel Dunham called over the comm, "We'll try to draw some fire off of your units."

"Roger that colonel," Misato replied, "Keep your heads on, things are going to get dicey."

Arcs of tracer fire and missile flares erupted around the Angel as Eagle squadron began their attack run. Smaller beams of light leapt from the faces of the octahedron, slashing out at the incoming fighters. The jets began dancing around, trying to evade the incoming fire.

"Ma'm!' Maya called, "It's rotating slower, but Unit-00 is almost under its guns!"

"Get moving Rei!" Misato called, watching as another slug from Rei's weapon slammed into the AT field, "You're not doing any good there and you're about to get fried."

"Roger," Rei said, "Altering angle of attack."

"I'm moving up!" Shinji yelled, kicking another half-melted plate to hurl it at the Angel, "I'm going to try extending my AT field to counter its own."

"Colonel!" Misato called, "Standby for that N2 strike!"

"This is Eagle-2," A female voice called, "Eagle-1 is down, but we're ready to deliver the payload, just say when."

Misato felt like someone had kicked her in the gut at that news. Forcing the feeling down as quickly as it came, she quickly got back into command mode. The colonel had known the risks and had given himself over to them despite that.

"Shinji, can you get them an opening?" Misato said.

Shinji, the image of the kindly colonel floating through his mind, nodded grimly to the image of Misato, "I'm on it."

Closing in a spiral, Shinji was forced to move faster and faster to keep up with the rotation of the Angel. When he started the feel the heat again, he dug deeply, reaching for the cloak of light that his Eva projected. Pushing it outwards, he tried to feel for the Angel's, only to find that it was still too far distant for him to effectively counter.

"Shinji?" Misato called, seeing his inward arc straighten out.

"Eagle-2, are you ready to drop that warhead?" Shinji asked, ignoring Misato's question.

"I'm angling in, let me know when you make your move, I'll have the package delivered in two point four seconds from your word." The woman's voice replied.

"Rei, get ready to fire!" Shinji yelled, pushing his Eva to go faster.

"On your mark." Rei replied, hefting the unwieldy device she had brought with her as she too dodged around the beams of energy.

'_Lend me your strength, titan of light.'_ Shinji pleaded, embracing the connection with his Eva.

"Synch ratio is spiking to 75%!" Maya called out.

Shinji felt the unearthly power of his muscles, the thrill of being pushed to their limit singing through his magnificent frame. Gathering the power of his soul, he felt the strands of darkness woven through it as he thrust that power ahead of himself. Pivoting on his heel, he turned into the blast, raising an arm and his defensive field into that furious onslaught.

"Now!" He screamed, the LCL around him boiling at first contact.

Propelling himself forward as if through sludge, Shinji pushed his Eva through the attack as it stripped away armor, first, then began boiling away layer after layer of skin, muscle, and finally bone. His hand and arm were gone in moments, then the assault began pummeling the Eva's chestplate, held back by a combination of human alloys and AT field.

With a roar, Shinji inverted his field, robbing himself of his greatest protection for a moment as the two projectiles closed with his opponent. Moments passed like an eternity as the beam melted the last layer of titanium-A plating on his Eva, then began to work its way towards the far more fragile pilot.

Then the world exploded, hurling Shinji and what was left of Unit-01 into darkness.

XXXXXX

**Friday, 1230 hours**

Shinji woke with a start.

Bolting upright in bed, he found himself surrounded by various hospital personnel in blue scrubs, all watching him anxiously.

"Can you understand me Shinji?" The familiar voice of Ristuko asked.

Shinji gasped, feeling his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest.

"We've had to force you out of your coma," Ritsuko continued, "Just try to breath, the side-effects of the drugs should wear off shortly."

Sure enough, the drugs which had kicked him out of unconsciousness seemed to be running their course. Within what Shinji estimated was a few minutes, he was able to lie back and breathe without significant pain for the first time since waking. Ritsuko and the medical staff had filed out, leaving only Rei sitting beside his bed, clad in her school uniform as she watched him calmly.

"Hi." He said weakly.

"Greetings." Rei said, her posture stiff, "How are you feeling?"

Rei shrugged, "I was not nearly as close to the blast as you and was able to take a covered position before the end."

"So…" He began.

"We are required to report for duty in two hours' time." She said.

"What?" Shinji asked, "Why on earth do we need to do that, we just defeated the Angel?!"

Rei shook her head, "the N2 blast and my projectile were… insufficient. The outer shell of the Angel was badly damaged, but the wreckage moved over the geofront's position six hours ago and has begun drilling down towards us."

Shinji gaped at her.

"Captain Katsuragi has been developing a plan to destroy the Angel," She explained, "She believes that she has a weapon capable of penetrating the AT field and remaining armor around the core of the Angel for a killing blow."

Shinji sighed, shifting in his bed, "How are we going to even get close enough to hurt that thing? As far as I can tell, it can sense us when we get within a certain proximity, then it unleashes that death ray."

Rei nodded, "I will be firing from the Northern bastion. I should have one free shot before it notices me."

Shinji sighed again, "Okay, what am I doing?"

Rei's look turned concerned, "I have not been informed as to your task. I assume that you will be in a backup firing position in case my mission fails."

"Rei," Shinji said quietly, "If you fail…"

Rei nodded, "I am aware of the dangers. I am willing to accept them."

Shinji nodded soberly, "Let's get going then, no point in keeping the captain waiting."

Rei rose, offering a helping hand. Shinji took the hand and she drew him up.

"Let's go find out how we're going to die today." Shinji said, his mood melancholic.

"Let us find out how to live instead." Rei replied, "There are many things which I wish to experience before my time comes."

Shinji smiled, "Yeah. Let's do that instead."

Rei returned the expression, taking Shinji's arm over her shoulder as she guided him towards their fate.

XXXXXX

"I don't care how many layers of red tape you have to cut through!" Misato yelled at the phone, "You tell the treasury that I need that gold yesterday. The next clerk or bureaucrat who tries to stall you gets a bullet between the eyes, got it?"

The reply from the phone was muffled, but affirmative. Misato slammed the receiver down and growled to herself about useless subordinates.

"Ritsuko, how is that capacitor coming?" She asked through the headset which connected her to the local communications network.

"We're almost ready here," Ritsuko replied, "We'll be ready for the gold in an hour, and after that it will only take two hours to finish up here. Any luck on that front?"

"You would think there wasn't a crisis going on!" Misato growled, "Some people can't see past the ends of their noses."

"I'm sure you'll pull through captain," Ritsuko chuckled, "You haven't failed yet."

Misato grumbled something, then tapped her headset to mute it, "Aoba, how are preparations on the three other points proceeding?"

"Battery emplacements are proceeding on schedule ma'm," Aoba replied, "Which just means that we haven't found the problem yet."

Misato sighed, "Okay, just keep at it. Those need to be up before the commencement of the operation."

"Yes ma'm!" He said, turning back to his console.

The mobile command unit stationed at the Northern bastion was the center from which Misato was organizing the current mess. So far, she had stretched over a million miles of high capacity cable to every last powerplant, battery, and docked ship which the Japanese government could lay their hands on. Panic had a way of making things run smoothly.

Every last capacitor within trucking range had been loaded and jury-rigged into place along the road which led up to the bastion. The science and engineering divisions were working together, a miracle only surpassed by the work they had already accomplished, to construct an even larger capacitor at the northern base of the mountain. That monstrous thing would hold approximately 70% of the charge needed to fire the positron rifle which Misato had 'borrowed' from the JSDF.

"Blue and Purple are arriving ma'm" Hyuga reported, "They're in their dancing shoes and ready to load."

Misato nodded, "How are the preparations on Unit-01 proceeding?"

"Ahead of schedule ma'm" Hyuga replied, "Even better, we've only suffered half a dozen casualties from the frantic pace of the work."

Misato frowned, "Any deaths?"

Hyuga shook his head, "Not yet ma'm, though one of them should have a limp for the rest of his life."

Misato sighed, tapping her communicator to contact the engineer heading up the retrofit.

"Engineering!" A feminine voice snarled, "What do you want?!"

Misato paused at the woman's tone, "This is the captain."

The engineer's tone modulated ever so slightly, "Captain, what can I do for you."

"I need you to be more careful with the retrofit, we can't afford to lose engineers on this. We still have time before the beginning of the operation." Misato replied, "Do you think you can handle that?"

Misato heard the comm crackle with someone's cursing as she heard the bass thud of a large impact.

"I'm afraid I can't do that ma'm." The woman replied.

Misato scowled, "And why not?"

"Engineering triangle ma'm," The woman replied, "On time, cheap, and done right. You can have two of the three. The price we're paying right now is injuries. We're doing everything we can to keep it down to _just_ injuries, but if we're going to have this improvised deathtrap ready in time we can't afford to mess around."

Misato sighed, "Fine, do what you have to, but I don't want to hear about any deaths, understood?"

"I can't make promises ma'm," The woman replied, "But I promise that it'll keep me up at night if any of my people die."

"Fine," Misato said, "Katsuragi out."

Tapping the headset irritably, she turned to Hyuga, "Get the injured out of here, airlift them if you have to."

Hyuga nodded, contacting the medical corps to carry out her request.

"I'm in contact if you need me," Misato said, tapping her headset, "I need to go brief the pilots."

Misato exited the vehicle as Shinji and Rei stepped out of the Section Two vehicle which had just pulled up. The fierce look on her face made Shinji draw back slightly as the woman approached.

"Shinji, Rei," Misato greeted, "Rei, you're needed up at Unit-00 for calibration, you already know your mission. Shinji, you're with me, we're going to check on the progress of Unit-01."

Rei nodded, turning to the prone figure of her Eva, its hands already clasped around the positron rifle which would theoretically be the key to victory in this engagement.

"We will speak before the sortie," She promised Shinji, "Good luck."

Shinji gave her a warm smile, "I won't need it with you at my side."

Rei's cheeks colored slightly as she nodded back, a determined look on her face, "I won't let you down."

Rei departed, leaving Shinji and Misato standing together.

"She's… different." Misato said thoughtfully, then shook herself, "But you'll have to tell me about it later. Right now I need to introduce you to your role in this operation."

Shinji nodded, then followed as Misato led him to the hangar which held his own Eva. Inside, Shinji was startled to find a small mountain of melted armor and spare parts pushed off to one side. In the center of the space he saw Unit-01, new armor gleaming along its surface as it laid supine. The surprising thing as the large sheet of… metal which had been grafted to its remaining arm.

"Looks like they're putting the finishing touches on it," Misato noted, "How do you like it?"

Shinji stared at Unit-01 for a moment before responding, "What is that?"

Misato smiled, "It's the re-entry shield of an old space shuttle. The ceramic plates and updated titanium-B frame is rated to withstand the energy blast from the Angel for at least eight seconds."

Shinji shivered, flexing the arm which once again felt like it should not be there, "Eight?"

Misato turned to him, "The charging time of the positron rifle's capacitors is about fifteen seconds."

"That is very bad math Misato…" Shinji said dryly, "What am I supposed to do for the last seven?"

Misato hesitated, "Hopefully it won't come to that. This is the backup plan if the first shot doesn't take it down."

"And if it doesn't." Shinji asked.

Misato shifted uncomfortably, "We can't move the positron rifle Shinji. Your Eva was able to withstand the beam for four point three-five seconds, then rode out the N2 blast."

"Still bad math Misato," Shinji replied, glancing at the Eva before turning back to her, "Twelve point three-five by my count."

"We're hoping that the Angel will need to remaining time to target your position and fire."

"Hope…" Shinji muttered, "And what do I do if hope isn't enough?"

Misato put an arm on his shoulder, "Then you hold Shinji. I'm sorry, but if you fail to keep that thing off Rei, then we all die. She's depending on you, we all are."

Shinji nodded, turning back to his Eva, "Okay Misato, just make me a promise."

Misato turned to him, "Anything."

He kept his eyes on Unit-01 as he spoke, "If I die, you take care of Rei. Whatever it takes, if you have to pack your bags and run with her, then you do it."

"Easy enough," Misato said, wrapping an arm around him and looking at Unit-01, "Because I know you won't fail."

Shinji agreed. What he was not certain of was whether or not he would survive the coming battle. He and Misato lapsed into silence as they watched the engineers scurrying over the surface of his Eva, making their final preparations. Shinji closed his eyes.

"_I will be strong,"_ he promised himself, _"I will be steel for those who need me."_

XXXXXX

Shinji and Rei stood on the improvised gantry, their plugs flanking the platform as they looked down into the valley which held Tokyo-3 and their enemy. The Angel itself was quite literally a floating wreck. The N2 missile had blast a huge chunk out of one of the edges where two of the upper faces met. The wound leaked a viscous blue substance which steadily poured onto the city below.

More perturbing was the giant drill which extended down from its center. The Angel had already breached ten layers of the armor which protected the geofront from the Angels, and projections showed that it would break through before morning.

Rei had foregone her customary spacing for the time being, her body pressed gently against Shinji's side as they watched.

"It's almost time." Shinji said, glancing at her.

She returned the look, nodding somberly, "I will not miss. The Magi are calibrated down to the nanometer. I do not expect your services to be required."

Shinji shook his head, "If fighting has taught me anything, something will always go wrong. Don't worry Rei, I will protect you."

"This is not right." She said suddenly, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close to her side, "I am supposed to protect you. I am your shield, you are not mine."

Shinji smiled wanly, "It's a little hard for me to take up the sniper role on this operation. I'm missing an arm."

Rei didn't rise to the joke, instead pulling ever tighter, "I am afraid."

Shinji pondered that, then gently freed himself. He turned Rei to face him and took her hands in his.

"Someone told me long ago that fear is a natural part of life," He said, "Those who aren't afraid are either insane or fools. When we face fear, that is courage. I… I didn't believe him then, but I think I understand it now. I'm afraid too Rei, but I'm also ready to face whatever comes."

"Do not speak as if you will die Shinji Ikari," Rei said harshly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears as she squeezed his fingers, "I will not let you! You promised me more than that!"

Shinji smiled sadly, "It's time."

Turning away from her, Shinji quickly threw himself into his plug. He did not want her to see the tears in his own eyes.

XXXXXX

**Friday, 0800 hours, Operation Fading Light**

"All lights are green captain," Hyuga reported, "We are ready to begin the charging sequence on your mark."

Misato took a few seconds to gaze at the mangled figure of the Angel. Its ability to maintain a stable distance from the surface of the earth had been compromised, leaving it listing slightly, held up by all appearances only by the drill which was digging down into the geofront.

"Begin charging sequence!" She ordered.

Across Japan, power grids suddenly went dark. The massive capacitors which had been either built or moved to the Northern bastion began the almost painfully slow process of charging, the hum from their efforts creating a palpable tension in the air.

"Capacitors seven through twelve have suffered spot failures, rerouting the flow through redundant connections!" Maya reported.

"We are at 40% charge right now," Aoba said, "Rei, what is your status?"

Rei had drawn a careful bead on the center mass of the Angel. The Magi target assist program was displaying a carefully calculated projectile impact reticle, and the theoretically ideal point at which to strike her target.

"I am locked on target," She replied calmly, "Awaiting full charge."

Time moved slower than Rei would have liked. As reports on the charge level came over the communications network, she suddenly heard a faint song begin to radiate through her plug. Dread welled up in her as she realized what was happening.

"We've been detected!" Shinji yelled, "Moving to covering point alpha. I'll be ready to drop when the charge is full."

"Negative!" Misato replied, "The Angel hasn't begun charging its primary weapon, maintain your position Shinji, Rei can't take the shot if you're in the way."

Shinji pushed down his frustration and obeyed. While he had mixed feelings about NERV as a whole, he trusted Misato to carry the day for them.

"90%" Maya reported, "We're in the theoretical kill level."

"Hold your fire Rei!" Misato urged, "Almost there."

"100%" Maya crowed.

"Power surge is being detected from the Angel!" Hyuga yelled, "It's… it's already rotated into position."

"Fire!" Misato yelled.

Rei had the target in her sights. Breathing out, she caused Unit-00 to depress the trigger of the positron rifle. A blinding arc of light erupted from the weapon, tearing through the air in a bar of plasma as intervening air molecules were annihilated by the passage of the weapon's projectile. At the same moment, a burst of energy erupted from the Angel.

The two beams intersected, curling around each other and veering off in separate directions. Rei's shot hammered into the broken façade where the Angel had already been injured, punching straight through to annihilate a large section of the southern mountain range. The Angel's shot hammered into the base of their firing position, sending tremors rumbling through the entirety of the mountain.

"We've lost almost half of the capacitors!" Maya reported, her voice rising in panic, "Commencing overcharge of the primary capacitor!"

"Engineering reports at least forty wounded and twelve dead as of this moment!" Hyuga said, "Casualties are flowing in ma'm."

"Rei, how are you doing?" Misato asked.

"Awaiting full charge." Rei reported, a hint of hysteria edging her voice, "Please hurry!"

Misato started to worry. If the pilots could not hold themselves together until the next shot, this would all be over very quickly.

"In position!" Shinji reported over the network, "It's singing again Misato! Get that thing charged!"

"We've been knocked back to 30% ma'm," Maya said, "We might be able to make it to 94%, but that will be pushing it. This is our last shot."

"Confirmed!" Misato snapped, "Rei, you heard the woman, at 94% you take the shot!"

"Roger." Rei replied, a measure of serenity taking hold of her.

"Power spike inside the Angel!" Hyuga cried, "Firing!"

Shinji stepped forward into the blast, digging his feet into the rocky bones of the mountain as he took the attack head on. Drawing his AT field in close, he projected it forward into as solid a wall as he could manage.

"_Give me more!"_ he cried in his head, _"I need to hold on!"_

He felt light flow through him as he dove headfirst into the link with the Eva. Light and darkness swirled inside of him as he projected the power of the Eva forward. The fury of the Angel met the indomitable will of the boy and his partner, their colliding wills sending a cascade of shockwaves back down into the valley and up over the top of the mountain's peak.

And Shinji held.

"Come on you bastard!" He screamed, the LCL around him beginning to bubble, "Is that all you've got?!"

The Angel, as if hearing him, redoubled its efforts. The lance of light which connected the two widened in that moment, pushing Unit-01's feet deep into the earth.

Layer after layer of ceramic was vaporized under the assault. Only the reinforcing power of Shinji's AT field kept it from melting away completely. Instead, the base of the shuttle began to melt, warping its way around the Eva. In that moment, Shinji knew that the charge would not be complete in time. The chaos around him grew still as he embraced the certainty of death, even as he howled against it with all of himself.

That realization, and the need which flowed from him into the Unit-01, awoke something within the beast.

Unfurling light twisted around Unit-01, the unfocused energy of the splash from the Angel's attack slowly bending back towards the Angel itself. Shinji felt something other than fury and battle lust flow through the bond between him and his Eva. He felt… love.

Crucial seconds passed as the newly reinforced AT field around Shinji hammered back at the Angel's attack. It was only a minor change, but it was enough.

"94%!" Maya yelled.

"Fire!" Misato howled.

Rei, having pushed all of her emotions deep within her, took another excruciating moment to line up her shot, then depressed the trigger again.

The positron rifle's beam struck true, carving a path straight through the center of the Angel. As the high energy particles ripped through its core, the Angel's beam stuttered, then winked out of existence. With a shriek which echoed through the plugs of the two Evas on the mountain, the Angel began to settle to the ground, its mass coming to rest half-submerged in the lake which bordered the city.

Ramiel was dead.

XXXXXX

Shinji didn't remember when the plug hatch was torn free of his Eva, or when his plug was forcibly removed by the hands of Unit-00. He did remember groggily opening his eyes as the worried face of Rei Ayanami burst in through the emergency exit hatch of his plug.

"Hey," He offered, spitting up a chunk of congealed LCL, "I don't feel so good."

Rei stared at him, then laughed. The light, tinkling sound was the most glorious thing Shinji had heard in his entire life.

"Only you could make a joke after what we just went through!" She accused.

Shinji tried for a smile, but he was still feeling the after-effects of nearly being boiled alive. He settle for a grimace instead. Rei ducked inside and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Oof," Shinji winced, "Take it easy Rei."

Her grip slackened only slightly, but she refused to let go.

XXXXXX

"You're certain of this?" Gendo Ikari asked.

"The data doesn't lie commander." Ritsuko replied, "He should have been melted down before Rei took that shot. According to our best estimates the Eva could have withstood the blast for thirteen seconds. He held it for seventeen. It's true that every last inch of Unit-01's armored plating and the shield's frame were literally melted together, but that just reinforces my conclusion."

She paused, "Your son has managed to awaken Unit-01."

Gendo let a smile slide onto his face, "Excellent. Things are coming together."

Ritsuko held back a shiver at that smile. The Commander only ever smiled when things were about to become most unpleasant for everybody around him.

"Move forward with the dummy plug system," Gendo ordered, "My reports show that the pilots are becoming increasingly… defiant. I need a backup if they refuse to obey orders."

"Yes sir." Ritsuko replied, turning to walk away.

"One more thing," Gendo said, "Come by my office before you leave today."

The casual order hung in the air, causing an instant wave of heat and desire to wash over Ritsuko. Instead of giving in to that feeling, she pressed down on it with cold logic.

"I…" She began, "I have a lot to do commander. Maybe some other time."

Gendo paused, watching the scientist as she left. When the door shut he let the smile drop from his face.

"I see." He said softly, looking down at the picture of his wife.


	18. From My Heart

Better Angels

Chapter 18

From My Heart

**Sunday, 1200 hours, 4 days since Ramiel**

It was a suitably rainy, if uncomfortable, day for a funeral.

Shinji and Rei stood together watching the two caskets loaded onto the large carrier plane while the contingent of American soldiers stood by holding salutes. When the loading ramp closed, Colonel Dunham approached the pair, his left arm held close to his body in a cast and sling.

"It is a terrible tragedy to see any of my soldiers pay the ultimate price," He said, "I suppose I have you to thank for not having to pay that price myself Lieutenant Ayanami. Although I'm going to miss the back half of that Nighthawk, it's hard to fly without the engines."

Rei looked up at him, "I believe you would have done the same were our roles reversed."

Colonel Dunham nodded, "I hope that I would."

He joined them and they watched as the two fallen members of Eagle squadron accelerated down the runway, then began their long trek home.

"I've been in a lot of conflicts since the second impact," The Colonel said somberly, "But I've never once felt truly helpless. I suppose that is how those below me felt while me and mine were screaming overhead. Sarah was always too hot-headed. She wanted to deliver that attack with precision and ended up killing herself for it."

Shinji rubbed his arm absently to remind himself that it was there, "What happens now?"

Colonel Dunham shrugged, "We go back to barracks, tally up our losses, and prepare for the next attack."

"How can you face it so calmly?" Shinji asked.

"I have honored the dead," Colonel Dunham replied, patting Shinji on the shoulder, "Now I have my duty to the living. Sarah and Bradley understood that just as much as I do. They would want me to make sure that what happened today was a fluke."

He turned to Rei, offering her a salute, "Maybe someday I'll be able to put myself between you and a nuclear blast ma'm."

Rei bowed, "It would be preferable if that never came to pass."

"The world that we would prefer vanished sixteen years ago in a calamity that we will probably never see again," The Colonel replied, "For now, we fight so that one day humanity may claim a better future. Thank you again for coming, both of you, I look forward to speaking with you further. For now, I have reports to work on and letters to write to my pilots' next of kin."

"Lieutenants." He said, snapping them a salute.

The two Eva pilots bowed in return, then watched as the man walked through the rain back to the small outpost which the Americans had set up outside of the city. Shinji turned to Rei as the Colonel faded from view.

"Shall we head back?" He asked.

Rei watched after the Colonel a moment longer before turning to him.

"Yes," She replied, "I believe the Colonel will want some time to himself."

The two Eva pilots walked away, fading into the rain.

XXXXXX

Asuka Langley Soryu was not having a good day.

"What do you mean he has a synch ratio higher than mine?!" She demanded.

Kaji held up his hands placatingly, "Look, I just thought you should know before we got underway. I didn't want it to be a surprise when you found out."

"The only thing surprising me is that such an unskilled pilot has survived this long," Asuka growled, "He doesn't even respect his Eva, look at all the damage which he did to his during his last sortie!"

Kaji shrugged, "In both instances he was the tip of the spear Asuka. Shinji might not have your level of training, but he's certainly no slouch when it comes to killing Angels. I believe his record is now 3-0."

"Hah!" Asuka barked, "I believe it was that blue-haired mono-syllabist who took the killing shot on the fifth Angel, not NERVs latest poster boy."

Kaji sighed, giving up the fight with his charge. He had more important things to do than argue with a teenager over whether Shinji Ikari was anything but a lucky amateur.

"Just get your things packed Asuka," He ordered, "We're moving out in a couple days."

Asuka grinned, "Finally, I was wondering when they would call on a real pilot. Things must be too much for the first and third. It's Asuka's time!"

"Referring to yourself in the third person…" Kaji muttered.

"What was that?" Asuka asked.

"I said I have something to do," He replied, fingering his cellphone, "Don't expect to see me until you board Over the Rainbow."

Asuka watched as her guardian walked away, wondering what exactly the man could be up to.

XXXXXX

"Anything either of you want?" Shinji called from the kitchen.

Rei and Misato were sizing each other up in the living room. While Rei had been to their apartment occasionally for dinner, all of those times had been while Misato was busy at NERV or otherwise occupied.

Misato raised an eyebrow, causing Rei to tilt her head slightly. The silent staring contest continued as Shinji busied himself in the kitchen.

"Vegetarian curry it is!" He yelled, throwing rice into the cooker, "Why don't you two relax for about… thirty minutes."

"TV?" Misato asked.

"I prefer to read." Rei replied.

Shinji poked his head out of the kitchen for a moment to check on the to two women. Each was regarding the other like they were newly introduced housecats. Sighing, Shinji waved his knife in their general direction.

"Misato, quit being difficult. Rei, stop being… uhhhh, old Rei?" He admonished, ducking back into the kitchen before they could retaliate.

The two women shot disgruntled looks towards the kitchen, but their quarry had skillfully slunk back into the cover that only domestic chores could supply. There were few people in the world who would actively harangue someone who was preparing their dinner. Especially if that person was a cook on caliber with Shinji Ikari.

Turning back to each other, they were surprised to find almost identical looks of chagrin on the other's face.

"Men," Misato said, "More trouble than they're worth."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "I believe that you are correct Captain Katsuragi."

Misato threw an arm around the girl and led her to the couch, "I think you and I will get along just fine Rei."

Despite Rei's earlier protestations, Misato flipped on the television, choosing to watch some sort of comedy show going on. Rei sat on the end of the couch opposite of Misato, alternating looks of confusion between the entertainment and Misato, who was occasionally belting out full-bellied laughs in concert with the artificial laughter being broadcast out of the set.

"I do not understand." Rei said as another joke sent Misato into paroxysms of laughter.

Wiping her eyes, Misato tried to explain, "It's funny!"

"Is injuring other people a source of mirth?" Rei asked bluntly, "I do not believe I wish to be a part of a society which believes that."

Misato sobered in a surprisingly quick amount of time at that, "It's not… It's more like something bad happened, and we have two options, we can laugh or we can cry."

"And laughter is preferable over tears?" Rei asked.

"Of course it is," Misato replied, "Given the choice between the two, I would choose laughter."

"Even at the expense of another?" Rei asked.

Misato paused, then held up a finger, "It's all a part of the human condition Rei. We live in a world filled with pain. If we don't learn to laugh at that pain, our own and that of others, we get broken. I think… before Shinji and I started living together I had almost forgotten how to laugh at myself. We laugh because it's a way of dealing with the things that would otherwise destroy us."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "I see. I admit to not understanding this specific style of entertainment, but I do know what dwelling on the injustice of the world can do to us."

Misato reached over and ruffled the bluenette's hair, "You're a good kid Rei. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

'_And I'll be sure to take Shinji's word over some old reports about you.'_ Misato promised silently.

Perplexed, Rei watched Misato laugh a few more times before getting up and moving over to the kitchen where Shinji was performing his own brand of magic with knife and spatula. His motions were almost hypnotic as he swept through the entirety of the kitchen, leaving a trail of simmering pots and fresh cut vegetables. Rei found herself entranced by his effortless motions as he juggled the various demands on his attention which littered the counters of the kitchen.

Noticing her, Shinji took a misstep, but quickly recovered before he dropped the leek he had just finished chopping and was moving to a pan. Tossing the vegetable in, he threw a smile at his friend.

"Is Misato's programming not to your taste?" He asked.

"There are many things to contemplate before I begin to enjoy Misato's specific… flavor of entertainment." Rei admitted, "She imparted an important piece of wisdom to me in regards to laughter, and I wished to be away from the noise to think about it."

Shinji chuckled and Misato laughed some more, "I've learned to tune her out when she's watching stuff like that. To be honest, I'm not a big fan of slapstick comedy… it brings up too many memories."

Rei nodded soberly, "I understand."

"Whatcha talkin' about lovebirds!" Misato called.

"Keep your nose out of it Misato!" Shinji retorted genially, "We can't gossip about you if you are paying attention to us."

"Carry on lieutenants!" Misato shot back.

"May I assist you?" Rei asked.

Shinji paused. He was far too used to doing things on his own, but the offer of help was less about him, and more about Rei wanting to learn about the 'mysteries of the kitchen,' as she called his cooking techniques.

"Why don't you stir the base," He gestured to a pot set on one of the burners, "I'm all done with cutting, and I know that's your favorite thing to do."

Rei nodded, stepping up to the stove and taking up her task. They fell into silence for a short time before Rei suddenly spoke up.

"I believe you need to make an apology to the class representative," Rei said, "The tension between you two cannot be made up with simple humor."

Shinji felt a hot flash of anger, quickly suppressed by his own logical side.

"I…" He hesitated, "I agree, I just… I don't know what happened to me. Hikari and I… something has changed. It's like she's a different person than the girl I first met."

"Maybe you have changed Shinji," Rei said, "I have noted an increase in aggressive behavior from you since you defeated the fourth Angel."

Shinji felt his temper rise, only to force it back down again, "I, yes, I think so."

"I am afraid too." Rei said.

"What?" Shinji asked.

"You have now faced the threat of death three times," Rei explained, "That, and the unnatural stress under which we pilots are under to protect humanity… you are afraid. You told me before the last battle that you had learned to face fear with courage. I now believe that fear is also susceptible to conversion into different emotions. In your case, it is anger."

Shinji frowned, continuing to fry up the vegetables, "I don't feel afraid…"

"Because you have taught yourself to replace fear with anger," She said, "It was the only way that you could fight while connected to Unit-00. She could not be courageous because she did not understand what she was fighting for. She… she told me that she was afraid of what she had done to you."

Shinji cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Connecting with the broken spirit inside the Eva, it changed you," Rei explained, "You feel more than you should. I believe it will fade with time, but for now you are as sensitive as a child to emotional episodes."

"So then why was I not angry when we fought the fifth Angel the second time? There was certainly a lot to be afraid of then."

"Because there was no way you could get it in your grasp," Rei said, "Your fear at death was replaced with resignation rather than anger. I believe you have had far more experience dealing with despair than anger, so you knew that replacing that with courage would give you the strength to carry on."

"So you're saying that I can't control my anger?" Shinji asked, feeling slightly annoyed.

"Yes." Rei replied, turning back to her stirring, "And it is going to cut you off from Horaki-san."

Shinji tried to be angry, but all he really felt was hollow. The truth was that he had been angry because he had been afraid. He had been afraid that his entire life, everything he had devoted himself to, was a lie.

"I really messed up, didn't I?" He asked quietly.

"To err is human," Rei quoted, "I believe Horaki-san will forgive you if you apologize."

"And what about her?" Shinji asked, "She's been acting strangely ever since I almost… since the incident."

Rei shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Shinji's near drowning, "As I told you before, we talked afterwards. She trusted me with a secret that I will not reveal, even to you. Just know that she is dealing with something very close to her heart."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Shinji asked.

Rei hesitated, "I believe you should continue to be Horaki-san's friend. I will also need to have a discussion with her about certain points. My research indicates that stability will help her come to terms with the illusion that she has chosen to place over the world."

"The what?" Shinji asked.

"I believe the food is ready." Rei replied, stepping away from the stove to begin setting the table.

Shinji gaped as Rei neatly sidestepped his question.

"Woooo!" Misato yelled, "Dinner time!"

Shinji's pursuit of that point was closed as Misato blew into the kitchen like a hurricane, making appreciative sounds as she ignored Rei's attempts at organization the kitchen table in favor of piling a plate high with the food and making a dash for her seat.

After dinner, Rei bid the two good night and headed back to her apartment to work on her 'research.' Whatever that was.

Left to their devices, Shinji and Misato both got ready for bed, then collapsed on the couch, Misato once again putting her legs up on Shinji. Rather than watch the TV, the two gazed out at the dwindling light of the day, the geometrical shape of Ramiel just barely visible through several gaps in the skyline of Tokyo-3.

"This one was close," Shinji muttered, his eyes fixed on the corpse of the Angel.

Misato nodded, "Good news though, they're transferring the second child and her Eva here. You'll finally have some well-trained backup in a non-prototype Eva."

"Wait, what?" Shinji asked, "Rei and I are piloting prototypes?"

Misato tapped her temple, "Well, technically Unit-01 is a test-type. You piloted Unit-00, it has a lot of bugs compared to yours. Compared to Unit-01, Unit-02 is technically superior. Well, the engineering behind its armor and systems is more advanced. I personally think that pilot of Unit-01 is the better fighter."

She winked at him as she said that and Shinji smiled back.

"Well," He said, "I think he has an amazing amount of tactical support backing him up."

"Flatterer," Misato accused, "That reminds me! I got you a present for killing your third Angel!"

Shinji's gaze grew wary, "It's not alcohol is it?"

"Hah!" Misato barked, "You wish!"

Misato dashed off to her room, returning with a haphazardly wrapped package, presenting it proudly to Shinji with a flourish. Shinji took it and looked it over, handling it with a reverence that went unnoticed by the excited Misato.

"Come ooooon!" She whined, bobbing on the balls of her feet, "Open it already!"

Shinji opened the package methodically. He didn't have the heart to tell Misato that this was the first present he had ever received. He handled the paper as if it were a holy relic, making Misato more antsy due to the slow pace of his movements. When he finally unwrapped it he gazed down at the box.

"Well," Misato asked, a note of worry creeping into her voice, "Do you like it?"

Shinji carefully set aside the box, then threw himself at Misato, pulling her into an embrace as the moment overwhelmed him.

"Thank you," He whispered, tears filling his eyes.

Misato shifted uncomfortably, "Geez, if I had known you would react like this I would have gotten you a new rice cooker or something."

"It's not that…" He said, "It's just… Thank you. This means a lot to me."

"Okay, okay," She muttered, patting him on the back, "Why don't you test it out?"

Shinji broke the embrace and headed to his room for his cello. After all, a new bow deserves to be used.

XXXXXX

**Monday, 0800 hours, 5 days since Ramiel**

"Are you prepared?" Rei asked.

Shinji looked at the door to classroom 1-A. Normally he would have strolled right in, but today he felt a great weight hanging over him. He knew that the hammer would drop eventually, but the temptation to delay his course of action was looming.

"Why can't we just go about life as normal?" He asked.

Rei fixed him with a passive look, "I believe Horaki-san has already shown you the futility of pretending that things are 'all-right' between the two of you."

Shinji shifted from foot to foot, "Yeah, but we could just-"

"A heart is a terrible thing to break Shinji," Rei interrupted, "If you do not do what you can to repair things with her she will cease being your friend."

Shinji thought about that. Hikari had been the second person of his own age whom he had really spoken to. Rei at the time had been less emotionally labile than a cardboard cutout, and Hikari had pulled him through his early days at school. At the very least he owed her an apology.

"Yeah," He sighed, "Okay, let's do this."

Rei smiled with a hint of mischief, "Smile Shinji, you're only facing a human sized angel right now."

"You need to work on your jokes." Shinji grumbled as Rei slid the door open.

Hikari was slowly working her way around the room, a pair of earbuds cutting her off from the world around her as she was cleaning. When Rei and Shinji stepped in, Hikari finally noticed them, her dull eyes rising for a moment before settling back to the desk she was currently working on. While Shinji remained rooted by that glance, Rei acted.

Closing the distance between them, Rei made a gesture with her hand. Hikari sighed and removed her earbuds as she regarded the two pilots.

"Are you here to chew me out for something?" She asked, resignation in her voice, "Just get it over with."

Shinji's mouth dropped open and Rei shook her head.

"Horaki-san," Rei said, "Pilot Ikari wishes to speak with you alone. I will continue cleaning the classroom while you speak."

Hikari shot a look at Shinji, "Why on earth would I want to talk with _him_?"

"Because some things are worth fighting for," Rei said, turning to glare at Shinji, "Is that not correct Pilot Ikari?"

Shinji, who had begun to feel his anger bubble as Hikari spoke, shook himself free of the emotion at Rei's words and look.

"Yes," Shinji acknowledged, "I… I would like to talk to you, privately."

Hikari's dull eyes moved between the two of them before she let out another sigh and handed her cleaning cloth and spray to Rei.

"Fine," She said, "This shouldn't take too long."

Shinji and Hikari stepped out of the room, neither noticing the satisfied smile on the lips of the girl they left in the room.

Outside, Hikari leaned against the wall and folded her arms over her chest, "Okay, what did you want to talk about?"

Shinji felt a spark of anger reignite inside himself and quickly quashed it. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and mastered himself. Rei was right, he was afraid, and that fear was turning into anger. He was afraid of losing Hikari, and every overt and covert sign she gave of her disapproval was feeding that fear.

"I-I wanted to apologize." He said.

"For?" She asked, her eyes unyielding.

Shinji gulped, swallowing the acid which tried to lash out at his friend, "For taking you for granted. For being angry at you when I was upset with someone, something, else. I'm sorry for not trusting you, and I'm sorry for ruining our outing with your sisters."

Hikari had turned her eyes down, her hair falling over her eyes as he spoke. When he finished Shinji felt a little hollow. Saying everything out loud had opened his eyes to how terrible he had been to her. Silence stretched between them, and Shinji began feeling as if this had been a terrible idea.

Hikari pushed herself off of the wall suddenly. Pivoting on one foot, she walked away, never raising her eyes from the floor. Something in Shinji told him to go after her. That same portion of his brain mentally berated him as the primary consensus within his mind decided to stare in shocked paralysis, feet rooted to the ground as he watched Hikari disappear.

"I think that went well." Rei noted, stepping out of the room.

Shinji jumped, spinning to confront Rei, "Rei! How did you…?"

"When I failed to hear yelling I assumed things were working out," Rei said, "I believe it is my turn. Please continue with my tasks, and don't expect to see us until the beginning of class."

With that, the bluenette shoved her cleaning supplies into Shinji's hands and strode off down the hall in the direction which Hikari had been moving. Shinji stared after her for at least a minute after she turned down a connecting hallway.

"What in the world…?" He muttered.

XXXXXX

Rei found Hikari sitting under their tree. The eternal summer of Tokyo-3 had been hard on the plant, and it was only now adapting to the conditions which its kind now had to deal with. Green shoots and budding leaves dotted its surface, providing a modicum of shade to those seated under its boughs, casting interesting patterns on the head and back of the class representative.

"Horaki-san?" Rei addressed the girl, standing before her.

Hikari raised her head, the clear tracks down her face and unshed tears in her eyes showing Rei that she had been crying.

"What do you want?!" She spat.

Rei sat down next to Hikari uninvited, "You and Shinji are very similar people."

Hikari barked out a laugh, "That fool doesn't understand anything."

"Of course he does not understand anything," Rei agreed, "But that is mostly because you refuse to talk to him right now."

"Are you just here to make me feel worse?" Hikari asked.

Rei turned to face Hikari, who avoided her eyes, "I believe that there is nothing I could do which would make you hurt more. I am here to listen, and to tell you a truth."

"I've had about as much truth as I can handle lately." Hikari muttered darkly.

"This is incorrect," Rei replied, "I believe you have surrounded yourself with so many lies that when the truth faces you it is simply impossible to understand."

"You aren't helping." Hikari said.

"Why are you mad at Shinji Ikari?" Rei asked.

"You were there," Hikari protested, "You saw how he was acting!"

Rei nodded, "I agree, that is why I convinced him to apologize to you."

"Well thanks for that." Hikari replied sarcastically.

"I believe you are the one who taught me that boys will not do the right thing unless girls manipulate them into doing it." Rei pointed out, "I am simply following your advice."

Hikari stared at the blue-haired pilot.

"Now," Rei continued, "Why are you angry at yourself?"

Hikari's eyes grew sad and she turned her eyes back to the ground, settling her chin on hands which were supported by placing her elbows on her thighs.

"Everything that I try to do, I screw up," Hikari said, "Shinji is the first real friend I've had in years, and I've successfully pushed him away. Now he's here _apologizing_ to _me_! I should be the one apologizing to him."

"Then why do you not do it?" Rei asked.

"I… I just can't!" Hikari burst out, "It would mean admitting that I was wrong!"

"Were you right?" Rei asked.

Hikari clenched her fists, sitting up, "No, but neither was he!"

"A sentiment I believe he shares with you." Rei said, "And yet, he apologized."

Hikari put her head in her hands, "How screwed up is it that I'm getting relationship advice from Rei Ayanami!?"

Rei gave a small laugh, "Irony is often cruel, and I have recently been taught that laughing at pain is better than crying over it Horaki-san."

Hikari laughed her own bitter laugh, "You had better start calling me Hikari if we're going to be friends."

Rei smiled a smile fractionally larger than normal, "Of course, Hikari."

XXXXXX

Shinji had finished cleaning the room but was still alone when the two girls returned. Opening his mouth and starting to rise, he was stymied by an upraised hand from Hikari.

"You are right Shinji," She said, "You were a jerk."

Shinji opened his mouth to reply, but Hikari cut him short again.

"That said," She continued, "I was not much better. Maybe just a little bit better."

Shinji's mouth fell open. He looked at Rei, who only moved to sit in her desk, withdrawing her school supplies.

"I-" Shinji began.

"I am sorry," Hikari said, her eyes filled with steel, "And so are you."

"Yes." Shinji agreed as it became clear that she was waiting for him to reply.

"I am not an easy person to get along with," She said, "I am controlling, and I wouldn't know I had gone too far if I fell off the edge of a cliff. If you think you can handle that, then we can still be friends."

"Of c-" Shinji began.

"Also," she appeared to be winding down, "If you start dating my sister I will be forced to murder you in your sleep."

"What?!" Shinji asked.

"Good," Hikari said, "We are agreed then. Now, I need some help with the physics work…"

Neither Hikari nor Shinji noticed the subvocal snickering coming from the seat next to Shinji. Rei it appeared, had discovered the joy of humor.

XXXXXX

"-So as I was saying," Kensuke continued despite the sweat running down his face, "I ran some calculations based on the heat capacity of titanium-B, factoring in the cooling systems they probably rigged up to support your mecha while it was taking that blast. The numbers don't add up."

"It's called an Eva." Shinji puffed out.

"Awesome!" Kensuke said, "Anyway, based on the numbers I worked through and the time it took for that beam to melt through the titanium-A plates of the defense grid, it should have cut clean through you in seconds rather than actually being pushed back."

Shinji looked over at Toji, who was stretching, "You ready for another lap?"

"Aww, c'mon!" Kensuke whined, "Don't do this to me, tell me your secrets!"

Toji responded with a grin and took off, followed shortly be Shinji. While Toji was definitely in better shape due to his constant conditioning, Shinji had realized earlier in the period that he was actually developing an unnaturally high tolerance for cardiovascular exercise. When they finally crossed the finish line, Toji turned to him.

"You don't look it," He admitted between breaths, "But you're just about the only person here who can give me a run for my money."

Shinji grinned as he gripped his side where a cramp was forming, "I wouldn't want you to get complacent Toji. What would Sakura think if her big brother hit a ceiling?"

Toji grinned, "She would probably tease me about it. During the last attack she kept telling everyone not to worry. She said that you were out there protecting them, and there was nothing to be afraid of."

Shinji grimaced, remembering the battle with the Angel, "Her confidence may have been misplaced."

Toji shrugged, "We're still alive, so I think she was right."

"I've started some calculations on a kind of force field-" Kensuke butted in, approaching them.

"Another?" Shinji asked.

Toji laughed and took off, leaving Kensuke to hurl insults after the two more athletic teens.

Above the track at the outdoor pool Rei and Hikari sat together. Both girls were looking down at the two teens racing around the track, albeit now at a slower pace than their first half-dozen rounds. Both girls were draped with towels, the dampness of their hair and shortness of breath indicating that they had been swimming recently.

"Toji is such an idiot," Hikari said, "But you have to admit that he has a great butt."

Rei looked down at their classmate, focusing on the indicated area, "I fail to see anything particularly interesting about his posterior."

Hikari sighed, "Then what do you see in Shinji?"

Rei raised an eyebrow at the class representative, "Shinji has never had an especially exceptional body. That is changing due to his efforts, but he is still well below the level of someone like Suzuhara-san."

"You are impossible, did you know that?" Hikari asked.

"I believe you were trying to imply that I found Shinji Ikari attractive for his bodily features." Rei said, "I was simply correcting you."

"So you find him attractive then?" Hikari asked, waggling her own eyebrows, "Do tell."

Rei turned back to the two running teens, who had escaped the attentions of the third member of their trio again by embarking on another run.

"You are making an assumption that I am attracted to Shinji." She replied, continuing to watch them run, "I will tell Sergey that Shinji's conditioning regimen must be updated."

"B-but, all the touching… I barely see you two apart these days!" Hikari protested.

"Perhaps you should spend more time getting to know us," Rei rebuked softly, "Rather than making assumptions about the nature of our relationship."

Hikari gaped after the bluenette as she climbed to the diving board and executed a perfect swan dive.

Down below, Shinji sneezed.

"Heh," Toji gasped out, "Someone must be talking about you."

"What?" Shinji breathed, now laying supine on the grass.

"So like I was saying-" Kensuke started, approaching the two.

"Why me?" Shinji asked.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

Big test one of two is next week, so don't expect anything until after Thursday. Or maybe I'll just go insane under pressure and post two new chapters before that day, I never really know any more.

May you be successful in all things,

-Seratar


	19. Edge of Equilibrium

Better Angels

Chapter 19

Edge of Equilibrium

**Thursday, 1800 hours, 8 days since Ramiel**

"Again!" Colonel Dunham barked.

Shinji swiped up the AR22 assault rifle, driving the thirty round magazine home, chambering a round before raising the weapon to aim down range.

"Congratulations lieutenant," Colonel Dunham remarked, "You've succeeded in having your weapon up just in time to spot the enemy that killed you."

Shinji sighed, preparing the weapon for another round of quickdraw, "Am I ever going to shoot this thing? It's been three days already. I can clean it, I know all the safety rules of the range, and I can pretty much name every bullet in this magazine."

"A gunnery sergeant would call you a disgrace to the uniform for the amount of time it took for you to do that," Colonel Dunham replied, "Seeing as how you are neither a marine, nor technically military, I'll just assume that you have taken one too many blows to the head while piloting that monster you call an Eva."

Shinji sighed again, "I knew that something was up when Misato said training with the Americans would be 'character building.'"

"Captain Katsuragi is an intelligent woman Shinji," Colonel Dunham said, "She knows for a fact that the US armed forces boasts the finest riflemen on the planet. While I don't have a marine here to teach you, I myself am a more than competent instructor in this art."

"Don't you have something better to do with your time?" Shinji asked, "Like take care of your troops?"

"That is what I am doing lieutenant," Colonel Dunham replied, "Again!"

As far as rifle training went, it was actually a good day. Shinji was allowed to fire the one clip he had been allotted in the last ten minutes of training. His accuracy was abysmal without the MAGI enhanced targeting system, but he considered it a personal victory when he stopped flinching after every shot.

"Excellent work today lieutenant," Colonel Dunham congratulated, "I'll see you tomorrow at eighteen-hundred hours precisely."

Shinji rubbed his shoulder where the weapon had been striking him, "Okay."

"You'll probably want to ice that tonight," The Colonel advised, "And pray that your hand to hand instructor doesn't target that area precisely. He'll know why your shoulder is hurting."

Shinji was surprised, "You know Sergey?"

The Colonel nodded, "Harutunyan is a veteran of the pan-Siberian coalition wars. We provided close air support for him and his men during the conflict. You tell the old bastard that he owes me a drink for Zheleznogorsk, he'll know what I mean."

Shinji nodded, still mystified, but willing to take the Colonel at his word.

Departing the encampment, Shinji hitched a ride with Noble team back into the city itself.

"Do anything fun today kid?" Asked Noble-3, "Like actually shoot a gun?"

Shinji nodded distractedly, "Yeah. I'm really bad at it, and my shoulder hurts."

"Tuck it tight," Noble-3 advised, "You will want to keep it away from your shoulder instinctively, the problem is that giving it room to kick is what will give you a bruise."

"Why didn't they tell me that?" Shinji asked.

"On purpose I suppose," Noble-3 replied, "Firearm training is serious business, even to Americans. You've got to respect what your weapon can do. You are training to take a life when you train with a firearm."

"I've already killed two Angels and helped with a third." Shinji pointed out.

"That's in your Eva," Noble-3 replied, "After you're done with your crash course with the Americans you'll be able to murder just about anyone as long as you can get your hands on a firearm."

Shinji shivered, "That's… terrifying."

"It's the world we live in," Noble-3 replied, "Noble-1 has been trying to get you into firearms training for a long time. If we get into a sticky situation a gun might save your life."

"I don't actually own one…" Shinji pointed out.

Noble-3 tapped the glove compartment, "We have a spare in here just for you."

"What if we aren't near the car when something happens?" Shinji asked.

"Then they will have to crawl over four to eight corpses," Noble-3 grinned, "That should give you enough time to run or for backup to arrive. Scramble response for a VTOL rapid reaction team is ten minutes maximum within the city limits, even less if the pilot is willing to slag the engines."

Shinji fell silent at the macabre humor of his bodyguard. He was still not entirely comfortable with having a group of people for bodyguards who considered themselves… expendable. When they arrived at NERV, Shinji thanked them and stepped out of the vehicle. Trekking his way down through the labyrinthine corridors of NERV, he idly wondered exactly how many levels the facility had.

Shinji stepped out of the locker room, now clad in his plugsuit. Rei was already waiting outside. When she saw him she gave him one of her small smiles and gestured for him to follow.

"Are you excited?" Shinji asked.

"For what?" Rei asked, walking alongside him.

"It's the first time we'll be doing a synch test together," He pointed out, "That's pretty exciting, right?"

"We will be in separate plugs the entire time," Rei pointed out, "And conversation during the test has been calculated to reduce synch ratios by up to ten points."

Shinji frowned, "Huh, I didn't know that."

"You have been kept isolated for the most part during your tests. Only the second child and I have ever taken a test with open communications."

"That… actually sounds like legitimate science." Shinji admitted, "But also very depressing."

"Actual science?" Rei asked, "What do you assume Ritsuko does all day?"

"Make life more difficult for us," Shinji replied blithely, "I swear the woman practices her cool intellectual look in a mirror every morning."

Rei smiled fractionally wider, "I believe you are… 'kidding.'"

Shinji smiled back, "You're catching on to my secrets."

The two pilots slipped into their respective plugs. Today's test would be a simple ratio test with the MAGI acting as a dummy system, courtesy of the amputee Evas which Ritsuko had been working on. She insisted that the new system would allow for more realistic synch ratios, almost as good as the real thing.

Speaking of the devil.

"How are you two doing?" Ritsuko asked, a measured amount of warmth in her voice.

Shinji rotated his shoulder, "A little sore."

"I am viable." Rei replied, her voice going slightly flatter than the tone which Shinji had grown accustomed to.

"Alright, the startup sequence is beginning," Ritsuko said, "Just focus on the connection you two, hopefully we'll get some good results this time."

Shinji glanced over at the communications window showing the scientist, "Hopefully?"

"Nothing to worry about on your end, just mine," She assured, "Just try to relax."

Shinji nodded, feeling a slight amount of trepidation at her words. It always worried him when Ritsuko used words like hopefully. The woman didn't believe in hope as a matter of course, let alone wish for it.

Lights cascaded along Shinji's tube and he closed his eyes, casting himself into the darkness. Instead of emptiness, Shinji found himself surrounded by… music. The haunting melody drifted through the world between worlds, bringing the place in and out of focus. Tentatively, he reached for the alien presence that was the being in which he was enclosed.

That strange alien feeling flowed across him. It was questing for something. Unlike the few other times he had touched the creature, it did not immediately depart once it realized what he was. Instead, it reached deeply into him, stroking at something lodged deep within his chest.

"How are they doing?" Ritsuko asked Maya.

Maya tapped a few commands, "It looks like Rei is sitting around a 14%, while Shinji is… he's climbing up to 36%."

"That is… surprising," Ritsuko said, "How are his vitals?"

"Heart rate is elevated, but other than that he appears to be doing fine." Maya replied.

Within the heart of the beast, Shinji felt that presence wrap around a shard of…

'_Shamshel'_ The being hummed, its voice deep and sleepy.

"Shamshel?" Shinji asked.

The caressing stopped, the presence suddenly flowing away from him in response to his inquiry.

"His synch ratio is crashing," Maya reported, "He's hovering at 16% now."

"Any idea what caused either the spike or crash?" Ritsuko asked.

Maya shrugged, "Not really sure, but he did say something."

"Oh?" Ritsuko asked.

"Shamshel." Maya said, "Does that mean anything to you?"

Ritsuko's blood went cold. There was no way that Shinji could have known that name. There was only one place where it was written, and that specific manual was classified beyond anyone but Gendo Ikari and the heads of SEELE.

"Doctor?" Maya asked, "Is everything okay?"

Ritsuko recovered, "Fine, just had a bout of syncope. I really need to eat. Why don't you get them out of there and send them home. Misato wants to meet with them tomorrow about the transfer from Germany. We'll take the time between now and then to make some tweaks to see if we can't make the system play nice."

Maya glanced at her watch, "We still have another twenty-"

"Just get them out!" Ritsuko snapped, then mastered herself again, "Sorry, still feeling the hypoglycemia. I think we've gotten all we can out of them for today. Why don't you try running a standard test without the proxy Evas, you should be able to reroute the signal from here without having to remove them. But make it ten minutes rather than the twenty remaining."

Maya nodded cautiously, "Okay Ritsuko, please go get something to eat."

Ritsuko nodded and turned away. Before she left she accessed the logs of the current experiment. Her hands hesitated over her console before tapping in a few commands. In just under a minute, the split second of footage in which Shinji had spoken was cut, the gap spliced with looped video, and any evidence of tampering erased.

She was not going to take any chances.

"I'm off!" She called cheerily, heading out.

Maya looked over at one of the technicians, "Has the doctor seemed a little… off to you recently?"

The tech shrugged, preferring to hold his tongue rather than get it chopped off by HR. Not everybody could be Ritsuko's right hand, and nobody could take the liberties she did when it came to commentary on some senior personnel.

Maya sighed, "Okay, let's run a standard test, see if we get anything better."

The numbers steadily climbed as she cut the proxies out of the loop. Shinji leveled out at 47%, while Rei climbed to 40%. The last twenty minutes of the test were unsurprising, with neither pilot's ratio changing by more than two percent.

"Okay, you two are good to go," Maya called, "We'll see you in a week."

Shinji sighed. The weekly plug test was never certain. Some days everything was routine, that was usually when they ran the simulations in the plugs connected directly to the MAGI. Interactions with the proxies were always… interesting, but not something he really liked to talk about. Synchronizing with his Eva only happened now during actual combat, except in cases where he cut deals with Ritsuko.

Stepping out of their plugs, Shinji and Rei met up on the gantry.

"So was it… exciting?" Rei asked.

"Haha, you're so funny." Shinji groused, "Are you hungry?"

Rei nodded, "I have purchased another block of tofu, perhaps you could help me prepare it properly."

Shinji grinned, "Of course, see you outside?"

"I will be waiting at home, I have one more task to perform." Rei replied.

They parted at the locker rooms for their respective showers.

XXXXXX

"The whole point of tofu is that it doesn't have a lot of flavor," Shinji explained, carefully measuring out some fish sauce and pouring it in the pan he was working in, "So whatever you season it with, that is what you will get."

Rei nodded silently as she continued cutting the block into strips.

"In this case," Shinji continued, "Fish sauce is the perfect flavoring. It is pungent and tastes nothing like meat, so you should like it."

Rei continued working as she spoke, "What is Misato doing for dinner?"

Shinji grinned, "I left her a microwave meal, although truth be told she is getting rather spoiled by my cooking. I think she might have put on a few extra kilos…"

"I would advise you to not tell her that," Rei warned, "Other women are far more sensitive about their weight than I am."

Shinji blushed, holding his tongue as he remembered his earlier forays into cooking for Rei. Before he could think of a reply, the front doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" Shinji asked.

Rei turned about and headed for the door. The sound of a greeting and several voices intruded on the area as Rei returned with Hikari, Kensuke, and Toji in tow.

"Smells good Shinji-kun!" Toji announced.

"H-hey everyone!" Shinji stuttered, barely avoiding setting his hand on the hot stovetop, "What are you all doing here?"

"Rei invited me over for dinner," Hikari said, "She told me to bring these two hooligans with me."

Shinji raised an eyebrow at Rei as she took her place beside him while the three others began chatting idly. Most of the talking was done by Kensuke, who was regaling the others with the latest footage which he had caught of the Evas in action. No matter what NERV tried, there always seemed to be at least one file sharing site with a professionally cut video of the latest Angel encounter. What NERV didn't know was that the perpetrator of this leak was Kensuke Aida, the number one super-otaku of Tokyo-3.

While Shinji had had his doubts about the boy's activities, and safety, he had proven true to his word. Not even the entire science division working together could break the decryption layers he used to hide his activities. Shinji had given up trying to discourage him and simply began waiting for the hammer to drop.

"I saw you running with Suzuhara-san," Rei explained, "I thought that I would like to get to know him and your small, loud friend better."

Shinji grinned, "You'd better watch out for Kensuke, he'll be weaseling information out of you before you even know it."

"I believe myself capable of withholding any secrets that I need to." Rei said confidently.

"Keep telling yourself that." Shinji muttered, remembering the slip-ups that Kensuke had forced him in to.

Dinner was finally ready, and true to his word, the food was acceptable to Rei's steadily growing palate. Phad Thai was far from a traditional Japanese recipe, but Shinji had wanted to branch out, and rice noodles were always available.

"So," Kensuke asked, "Do you two like… live together or something?"

Shinji and Rei exchanged a look, then Shinji began chuckling while Rei explained.

"Shinji lives several doors down from me," She said, "He lives with Captain Katsuragi."

"Who's that?" Kensuke asked, his eyes going analytical, "Is he a super-secret NERV commando who is assigned to protect you both?"

Shinji snorted, "No, that's Sergey. He's Russian. He could probably tie Misato in knots if he needed to."

"So you live alone then Rei?" Hikari asked, interrupting Kensuke's delvings.

"It is true," Rei nodded.

"Lucky!" Hikari sighed, "I have to share a room with my kid sister while my big sister gets the master bedroom all to herself!"

Shinji looked down at his food, "You should cherish the people around you Hikari."

The silence grew awkward until Toji loudly announced that he was going to take a leak, causing a disgusted look from Hikari and a bemused one from Kensuke in response. It turns out that that was the ice breaker that was needed, and the teens soon descended into inane chatter, leaving heftier matters behind them for the time being.

Overall, it was a wonderful way to spend the evening.

XXXXXX

**Friday, 0600 hours, 9 days since Ramiel**

"You must flow like water Shinji," Sergey instructed, "Not like a flopping fish."

Shinji groaned from his position on the ground as Rei proffered a hand to him. Taking it, he allowed his fellow pilot to draw him up from the ground. Surprisingly to him, Rei did own a set of clothes other than a school uniform. Of course, the fact that it was her school track uniform did not necessarily win any points for her in the fashion department.

Luckily for Rei, Sergey was not concerned with that, and Shinji was too busy getting himself beaten down to worry about it.

"We have a question." Shinji said suddenly.

Sergey raised an eyebrow and looked at Rei, who nodded solemnly.

"I see that you two have been plotting against me," He intoned, his grave tone softened by the twinkle in his eyes, "Speak your minds."

Shinji held up his hands, "We are both grateful for this time Sergey-san, but we were talking about it, and… You've been teaching us how to protect ourselves."

"Incorrect," Sergey said, "I have been teaching Rei to defend herself, I have been teaching you to not impale yourself with your own knife. You are doing very well in that category. I believe you could defeat an elderly fishwife using only her bare hands now."

Shinji flushed, but mastered himself before continuing, "We both agree that we need to shift the strategies we use in our Evas if we want to keep winning. That said, there will be times when avoiding damage to our units could prove detrimental, if not fatal to our mission goals."

Sergey paused at that, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "I see that Rei has been instructing you in the ways of wisdom. You would do well to listen to her, she sees many things which others fail to."

It was Rei's turn to flush slightly, "Thank you Sergey-sama."

Sergey waved off the honorific, "You bring up an excellent point Shinji-jan, as such, I will ask Rei not to hit you in the shoulder anymore."

Shinji groaned and Rei looked relieved.

"Sit." Sergey said, taking a lotus position.

His two pupils mimicked the pose, watching him intently as he spoke.

"I have so far taught you to move in such a way as to protect your body from harm," Sergey began, "While these techniques do not prevent pain, they are meant to reduce the chances of crippling or deadly injury. I have taught you to endure pain against an opponent who can overwhelm you by their superior skill or speed. Now I will teach you to endure pain inflicted by an opponent who is your inferior, simply because you cannot afford to allow him to obtain another objective."

Sergey pointed a finger at Rei, "Rei, you are the better fighter. We will begin with you. Keep your feet planted, use only your arms for defense. You must maintain a perfect base while being assaulted by an inferior opponent. Once you learn to accept punishment in pursuit of something higher than your own body, I will begin to teach you the stance of the mountain."

"I don't think that I can-" Shinji tried.

"Do you care for her?" Sergey asked sharply.

"I-I…" Shinji glanced over at Rei, who had her eyes fixed on Sergey, avoiding his own gaze, "I do."

"Then you will strike her with all of your strength," Sergey said, "At this moment you are training. In the near future you will once again face creatures that possess nothing but hatred for both of you. Rei understands this and has not held back on wiping the floor with your face. Now it is your turn. Show her that your fury."

Sergey continued, "If you cannot do this thing, then I will. She will bear the punishment for your failure. Will you accept that?"

Shinji clenched his fists, "I won't let you hurt her."

"Then you will have to do it yourself Shinji-jan," Sergey's eyes softened, "I do not love to hurt people Shinji, I just know that pain, failure, and humility are the only things that allow us to progress in life. If you hold back now, you may be planting a blade in Ayanami's chest in some future encounter when she cannot fight with the necessary skill and vigor. Now, will you do this, or shall I?"

"… Yes." Shinji whispered.

Looking over, he saw Rei stand up, turning a blank eyed face towards him and dropping into her stance. Shinji stood, preparing himself.

"Begin!" Sergey called.

XXXXXXX

For the first time since Shinji had begun training with her, Rei had bruises. Standing in front of the mirror she examined several areas on her torso and arms where a slight darkening heralded the oncoming marks. While Rei did not bruise easily, she always showed it much worse than a darker skinned individual would have.

Unsurprisingly, Shinji had avoided striking her anywhere in the mid-torso region. She was silently grateful for that, as bruises there tended to be excessively… tender. Despite that, Shinji had truly cut loose in their latest session. While he was clearly her inferior in almost every way, his growing strength, and surprising speed, were no longer factors she could discount.

Stepping into the shower, Rei hissed slightly as the warm water hit her aching body. She considered it curious that, even though she had lived a life filled with pain, even this minor inconvenience could elicit such a reaction. She supposed that humans never really grew used to pain. That thought made her smile slightly, it was nice to belong.

Even if she truly did not.

Sobering at that, Rei quickly washed up and dressed. When she exited her apartment Shinji was waiting for her. Surprisingly, so were Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari.

"We thought you would enjoy some more company!" Kensuke gushed, "And I also wanted to ask you abou-"

Hikari cut him off by grabbing his ear, "None of that! We are just walking to school together, no interrogations. Aren't you ashamed of yourself!"

"Aieeeeee" Kensuke wailed, scrabbling at his trapped appendage, "I'm sooooorrryy! Please let go class rep!"

Hikari sighed, releasing him, "Boys are the worst. Let's go Rei."

Hikari stepped forward and looped an arm through Rei's, leading her towards the elevator. The sensation was not unpleasant, and Rei decided that Shinji Ikari was not the only human being worth being in close proximity to.

This would require further research.

"Oi, Shinji!" Toji said as they stepped into the elevator, "Why didn't you tell us that your guardian was such a babe?"

Shinji blushed, "I don't really think of her like that!"

"Eh!" Kensuke exclaimed, "Have you ever looked at her?!"

"W-well, yes, but…" Shinji tried.

"Not everyone is perverted as you Toji," Hikari growled, "Besides, Katsuragi-san is practically his mother. That's just gross."

Everyone grew quiet at that. Last night conversation had turned to families. While the three guests had siblings, not everyone had parents, and none of them had mothers. This was very strange to Shinji, he knew that survival rates during the period of time shortly after the second impact had been abysmal, but the chances of five… well, really only four if you counted Rei's condition, people being in the same class without mothers…

"Thinking deep thoughts?" Hikari asked.

Shinji jumped slightly, "N-no, I mean, it's just… It's really weird that none of us have a… a living mother."

Silence descended again as they began to walk, only broken by Hikari when she revealed something even more startling.

"Now that I think about it…" She hesitated, "I don't know anyone in our class who has ever mentioned speaking with their mother."

Everyone stopped dead. Eyes darted between he individuals, each movement only revealing eyes as confused as their own.

"Nobody in our class…" Shinji mused.

"Sute-san is an orphan," Hikari supplied, "She lives in a community home with a few other girls. The others whom I have visited to deliver worksheets did not appear to have mothers either."

"Can we talk about something less depressing?" Toji asked suddenly, "Like sports?"

Hikari groaned, breaking the spell over the teens, and they continued their walk. Arriving at school, the group began cleaning the room before class.

"If I had known this was what you had planned rep!" Toji groused, "I would have slept in."

Hikari smiled, holding up a finger, "You Toji-baka, are going to pay me back for your backlog of work. Every day you will be here with my two fine assistants, and you will do as we say."

Toji's eyes narrowed, "Oh yeah, and how are you going to stop me from just sitting down."

Hikari put her hands on her hips, seemingly growing twenty centimeters as she loomed over the taller teen. Toji, rather than cowering like Kensuke, drew himself up, causing invisible lightning to flash between the two.

Shinji eyed the confrontation, then glanced over at Kensuke, who was standing dejectedly waiting for things to end the way they usually did. Shinji sidled over to the shorter teen and nudged him.

"I get the feeling you've seen this before." Shinji asked.

Kensuke sighed, nodding, "Yeah, these usually don't end well. A little under two years ago Toji stood up to her in front of the whole class and well, let's just say that the second impact was a minor event compared to what happened. It's part of the reason why the rep has such a hard time with the class these days."

"Any chance of averting it?" Shinji asked.

Kensuke shrugged, drawing in on himself, "Not that I know of."

Shinji frowned, "Kensuke, you are without a doubt the smartest person I know, and I know the science staff at NERV. Are you sure there's nothing that could prevent… this? I would consider it a personal favor."

Kensuke's eyes brightened, then dimmed as he glanced over, "I'm not sure…"

"AT field." Shinji said.

Hunger ignited within Kensuke's eyes as he turned to Shinji, "What did you say?"

Shinji shrugged, "If the world ends in a confrontation with those two, I guess you'll never know."

Kensuke let out a sound much like that which a whipped puppy would have made. His eyes darted between what he wanted and what he feared trying to intervene with. Finally, his eyes hardened. Stepping forward, he tapped Toji on the shoulder with more than a little force. Toji, surprised at the interrupted, deflated slightly when he realized who it was.

Taking his friend out the door, Shinji heard hushed voices, which started out angry, finally descending into calmer, more reasoned tones. Shinji was impressed, there was no meaty thunk of a fist meeting Kensuke's belly. The kid really did have a way of calming down his erratic friend when he needed it.

When they returned, Toji took up a cleaning rag with some resentment, but he took it up. Kensuke took this opportunity to pin Shinji down with an uncharacteristic glare.

"I expect payment in full," Kensuke said, "Don't rush off when lunch comes."

Shinji grinned, "Of course."

Kensuke grinned back, knowing that he was about to hit a load of unexpected paydirt.

XXXXXXX

Shinji and Rei were seated side by side, their yakisoba forgotten as they looked across the table at their captain. Shinji's eyes were filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation at the news, while Rei had taken up a contemplative pose.

"So, do you two have any questions?" Misato asked.

Shinji raised his hand, which caused Misato to slap her palm against her face. When she dragged the appendage down, Shinji was maintaining the pose. Sighing, she gestured at him.

"Yes," She said, "The nerdy one on the right."

Shinji glanced over at Rei, both wondering whose right Misato was talking about.

"Shinji!" Misato snapped.

Shinji sat up straighter, blurting out his question, "How soon can we expect her to arrive?"

"You and I will be flying out next Wednesday to meet with the carrier fleet that is transporting her and Unit-02," Misato replied, "We should all be back here by Friday, though Unit-02 will take an extra two days to get here."

Rei raised a hand, Misato sighed and gestured at her, "Go ahead."

"Why was Unit-02 not equipped with a class-IV power input in Germany?" Rei asked, "This would appear to be a gross oversight."

Misato rubbed the back of her head, "Well, the thing is…"

"You burned the paperwork didn't you?!" Shinji accused.

"Hey!" Misato tried to defend herself, "That was Ritsuko, she shouldn't be smoking in hazardous environments!"

Shinji sighed. Only Misato Katsuragi would describe her paper-laden office as a "hazardous environment." To tell the truth, the few times he had been there, he had almost broken bones tripping over the detritus that the woman seemed to magically leave behind her. Their own apartment was only kept clean through Shinji's fastidious sense of cleanliness, and the fact that he needed four to five fewer hours of sleep than the average teenager.

"The truth is that the ball was dropped in a lot of ways, " Misato admitted at Shinji and Rei's silent looks, "Moving an Eva is a logistical nightmare. I'm sure that there is actually a power input somewhere in the fleet, it's just not in a place where it can be used if something comes up."

Shinji sighed, "Okay, I get that, but why am I coming with you? Aren't I needed here to defend the city?"

Misato hesitated, "I… I'm not certain about that point. While it's true that Rei is a capable combatant, two to one are much better odds than one on one. This order came directly from the top."

"My father?" Shinji asked, surprised at the fact that his tone was curious rather than acerbic.

"Higher." Misato replied, "He wanted to keep you here as well, but somebody overruled him."

Shinji pondered that, "Somebody higher than my father…"

Rei raised her hand again and Misato played along by pointing at her.

"Does somebody believe that there will be an Angel attack on the carrier group?" Rei asked.

Misato raised an eyebrow, "What makes you say that."

"The only reason I can see for sending away your most seasoned pilot in the middle of a state of emergency is if you are expecting the enemy to strike from another direction," Rei reasoned, "If this is the case, I understand why you would want Shinji to be nearby to provide support for the rookie pilot."

Misato, who had been drinking, sprayed the two teens with tea as Rei's words registered with her. They stared as Misato hacked, a combination of laughter and gasping escaping her as she got herself under control.

"Don't tell her that, ever," Misato got out between gasps, a huge grin on her face, "She would probably kill you for it."

Rei wiped her face with a napkin, "I do not understand. The second child is clearly the amateur in this situation. Shinji is the combat veteran where Angels and Evas are concerned."

"Listen Rei," Misato explained, "Asuka has spent her entire life preparing to be an Eva pilot. She has more synch hours and simulation training under belt than either of you have probably dreamed of."

"I believe that I am just as capable in generalized training," Rei rebutted, "And you know that facing the Angels is nothing like a simulation."

"Just…" Misato sighed, "Just remember that piloting Evangelion isn't Asuka's job, it's her life."

Rei and Shinji looked at each other, then turned back to Misato, both raising their hands.

"It's going to be a long night." Misato groaned.

She sorely regretted quitting alcohol.

* * *

Good evening gentle readers,

Well, I think today is the first time that there has been more than seven days between an update. The good news is that I'm done with my first test, but that just means that I'm now feverishly waiting for my results. I will either go into another fugue state where I update 2-3 times a week, or maintain my weekly update schedule.

I'll probably work on answering reviews tomorrow, but I would like to offer a special thanks to all of my reviewers! I know we passed it a long time ago, but Better Angels is safely in the zone where it now boasts more than two reviews per chapter. Besides stroking my ego, this also helps more people find the fic, so thank you for helping my little story grow from a couple idle thoughts in my head.

This chapter is the last part of the first interlude, and next chapter will be the beginning of act II of Better Angels. Expect more and more divergence from canon, and possibly inclusion of some things from the rebuild. Also, this fic will now contain 100% more redheads!

-Seratar


	20. Waves of Fury

Important A/N:

Howdy folks,

So I have gotten a couple reviews addressing the issue of Jet Alone not being a part of the story. The start of Better Angels takes place approximately two years after the beginning of the original anime in terms of time since the second impact. The reasons for this do have relevance to the plot, but I wanted to explain why the good old boy did not make a showing between the fifth and sixth Angels.

Jet Alone was a project carried out by a company trying to butt in on NERV's budget after the foretold catastrophe which they and SEELE had been warning about failed to appear on schedule. Between one to two years before the current chapter they carried out their proof of concept test and it was a spectacular failure. I'm sure you all know the reason for that. While development of Evangelion alternatives has been stymied, they have not halted altogether, and you will probably see something come up in the future.

Thanks for your time,

-Seratar

* * *

Better Angels

Chapter 20

Waves of Fury

**Wednesday, 1200 hours, 14 days since Ramiel**

"This is amazing!" Kensuke yelled, "Thank you so much for bringing us Katsuragi-san!"

Misato smiled and carefully made a mental note to have Section two confiscate the boy's latest camera footage when they were done. Shinji had failed to inform her that his friend would be bringing a camera.

"No problem Aida-kun," She responded, "How are you holding up Suzuhara-kun?"

Toji raised a hand weakly from the seat beside Shinji, who was doing double duty as both a bodily support and impromptu vomit bag supplier. It had turned out that Toji Suzuhara, the biggest, baddest kid in class 1-A, had a weak stomach when it came to flying. Shinji would have laughed if he had not been summarily put in charge of making sure the boy didn't mess up the passenger compartment.

"How long until we land Katsuragi-san?" Hikari asked, her own eyes glued to the view outside, although her attention was focused on the unnatural orange color of the sea.

"Just a few more minutes," Misato replied, tapping her headset, "We just got landing permission."

"Thank you." Shinji whispered piously as he found a place for Toji's latest… offering.

The VTOL made a single circuit of the fleet before settling on the super carrier, the name _Over the Rainbow_ emblazoned on its hull. The first thing that everyone noticed when the door was opened was the tremendous amount of wind. The carrier itself was moving along at a good clip, having been ordered to push all power to 100% for this transport, which was causing the already strong sea wind to blow more harshly across the deck.

When Shinji stepped out of the VTOL, Kensuke's exclamations of several pieces of equipment were overshadowed by a solitary figure striding towards them across the deck. Her white sundress flapped in the gale, sometimes plastered to her body, at other times threatening to float right off of her. Shinji blushed and turned to face Hikari, who was also watching the newcomer.

"Do they pick pilots based on attractiveness?" His friend asked suddenly.

Shinji felt his jaw try to unhinge, but he quickly recovered himself, "I… I honestly don't know how they pick pilots."

Hikari, her eyes still on Asuka, replied, "Well, they certainly drew spades on this one. I wonder what she uses on her hair…"

Shinji risked a glance back at the redhead, who was now confronting Kensuke and Toji. The encounter was short lived, with both boys bundled to the side as the imposing girl marched straight past them.

"Shinji, may I introduce-" Misato began.

"Asuka Langley Soryu." The redhead cut her off, "You can breathe easy now that NERV's number one elite pilot has arrived to protect your little city."

Shinji forced himself to meet the sharp blue eyes of the girl. His instinctive reaction to either cower or drop his own eyes was locked down by the realization that if he let his gaze lower even a couple centimeters…

"Not much of a talker are you?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Shinji gulped, then closed his eyes and gave a short bow, only opening them when he was certain that the flapping garment worn by the girl was at the farthest edges of his peripheral vision again.

"I-I'm-" He tried, only to be cut off.

"As I thought," Asuka declared, turning away from him and beginning to stride away with a parting shot, "Nothing but a little boy playing hero. Stay out of my way and we all might survive this mess third child."

"Shinji!" Hikari hissed, "What is up with you?"

Shinji turned to face the much safer sight of his classmate, "Did you see what she was wearing?!"

Hikari folded her arms and regarded him, "Yes Shinji, how could I not?"

"It was," Shinji struggled, "It took everything I had just to keep my eyes on her own!"

Hikari closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face, "Please tell me that you didn't lose your voice because you were worried about peeping."

"Well…" Shinji tried, "Maybe?"

"Boys." She muttered, stalking towards Kensuke and Toji, who were both harassing some flight crewmen.

"I think that went well!" Misato said cheerily, stepping up next to Shinji, "She didn't even yell at you."

"That went well?" Shinji asked incredulously, "How exactly could that have gone worse?"

Misato smiled, "She could have thrown you overboard."

With that, Misato gestured for him to follow and headed towards the bridge.

"W-wait!" Shinji yelped, trying to catch up despite the strange motion of the deck beneath his feet, "You weren't being serious… were you?"

Misato only smiled her own private smile as she collected her three other charges.

XXXXXX

"I didn't realize that I was going to be playing babysitter!" The captain harrumphed, "As if using the combined might of the UN pacific fleet to transport a child's toy weren't bad enough!"

Misato smiled, she had long since grown used to dealing with bureaucrats, even those who masqueraded as military personnel.

"NERV thanks you for your cooperation captain!" She responded cheerily, "We're having the class IV input installed on your upper deck as we speak. If you'll just sign here I can take custody of the Eva and its pilot for the rest of the-"

"Not likely," The man cut her off, "We were ordered to bring this hulking beast to Japan, and that is where it will leave my custody, not a moment sooner."

Misato shrugged, "That's fine, but just remember, my authority supersedes even yours in emergency situations."

The captain growled something unflattering, then turned to look over the four teenagers who had been escorted onto his bridge.

"Captain." Shinji said, doing his best to stand at attention, "I would salute you, but my rank of lieutenant is honorary at best. I appreciate everything you are doing to protect humanity."

The captain snorted, "At least you aren't as bad as that other one. She plays at soldier all day but doesn't know the first thing about discipline."

"Then I apologize on her behalf captain," Shinji said, "And request assistance in becoming acquainted with any shipboard regulations so that I do not offend."

The captain re-evaluated the boy standing before him.

"I think you have a good one here major," He addressed Misato.

Misato smiled, "To be fair, he's been cheating."

"Oh?" The captain asked.

"He's been training with the flyboys stationed outside of Tokyo-3," Misato supplied, "They probably gave him some pointers."

The captain nodded, "I received a personal message from Colonel Dunham several days ago. I will admit that I am more favorably inclined towards this one here because of it, though I still don't like being used as the postal service."

Turning away, the captain addressed one of his subordinates, "Lieutenant Smith!"

"Sir!" a nearby woman replied.

"See that this young man and his entourage are settled in properly and a copy of the rules of conduct are issued to each of them," He paused, "Make it the short list that the sailors circulate among themselves."

Flushing slightly, the lieutenant saluted, "Aye-aye captain."

"Dismissed." He said, turning back to the windows overlooking the flight deck.

Lieutenant Smith led the teens, Misato, and their two marine guards off of the bridge and towards the living areas. Shinji's first impression of the inside of the ship was that it was… cramped. While the actual halls were more spacious than his insertion plug, said plug was a conduit to the outside world, rather than a prison of steel lined with all manner of pipes and wiring.

The carrier itself seemed to have seen better days. Due to diversion of raw materials and funds towards projects such as the Evangelions, there was little money to spare for conventional armed forces, especially those of the body which effectively governed every technologically advanced area left in Europe and Asia.

Despite the clear shortages, the ship was clearly loved by its crew, and kept up to a standard of cleanliness and order which was only interrupted by various technicians working throughout the halls.

"Here you are," Lieutenant Smith said in broken Japanese, "I hope you enjoy your stay."

Misato smiled at the woman, "Thanks."

Turning her eyes to the marines, Lieutenant Smith made a gesture, which caused the two burly men to withdraw a pair of small books from their uniforms, proffering them to the teens.

"These will give you basic guidelines," Lieutenant Smith said, "Just uhhhh, ignore the colorful language."

One of the marines chuckled, "You'll soon find out why the phrase, 'swearing like a sailor,' has meaning."

Shinji looked at the small book curiously, not recognizing the saying, but willing to take the man's word for it.

"I'll be acting as your liason during your stay," Lieutenant Smith continued, "If I'm not within earshot anyone you find can get a hold of me."

Misato bowed to the woman, "Thank you lieutenant, I think we'd all like to rest for a bit now."

"Says you!" Kensuke groused, still filming, "There is too much to see for me to be wasting any time resting!"

Misato sighed, "Keep an eye on him Shinji. Hikari?"

Hikari and Misato passed into their small room which they would share with two female crew. Toji had already sunken onto his bunk in the small room that the boys would share, although this time without any additional crew to worry about.

Shinji took off after Kensuke, swearing up and down at his classmate's penchant for getting himself into places he was most certainly not allowed to be.

XXXXXX

"How did your meeting with the third child go?" Ryoji asked Asuka as she strode into his quarters.

"He couldn't even bring himself to talk," Asuka stated, "I don't know why I expected anything significant."

"From everything you have told me, you didn't," Ryoji pointed out, "Besides, with the weather and your choice of clothing, I'm surprised he was able to do anything but gape."

Asuka snorted, "The prude wouldn't look at me until I confronted him directly, and even then he only looked me directly in the eyes."

Ryoji raised an eyebrow, "That seems like somebody who has an excess of self-control. You certainly didn't make it easy for him to avoid admiring your… assets."

Asuka blushed slightly, revealing the younger woman with whom Ryoji was better acquainted. That filled him with a flicker of hope and the sudden desire to be elsewhere. Relations between guardians and their charges which went beyond platonic were criminal, especially since said charges were minors.

"Why don't you go and find him," Ryoji counseled, "And this time, try to meet up in a place where his combat training won't fight with his sense of propriety. Small, rapidly moving objects attract the eye Asuka. You might be surprised if you try to engage him instead of steamrolling him."

Asuka snorted, "Men are pigs Kaji-san, everyone but you. There is nothing in Shinji Ikari's head which I would find remotely interesting, or even acceptable. He's a falling star right now, it's my time to shine!"

Ryoji sighed, "I'm going out to greet our fellows, you do what you want."

Asuka pouted at the dismissal followed him out and watched as he locked his room behind them. His insistence on a private room had been a source of tension between him and the captain, but the case which he was carrying was far too valuable to be left where anyone could get to it. Besides, Ryoji Kaji had yet to meet the person who he could not win over with a combination of affability and well placed lie.

Several minutes later Kaji rapped smartly on the hatch which led to Misato's quarters. Rather than the violet-haired bombshell he had been expecting the door was answered by a girl with wind-blown, brunette hair.

"Yes?" She asked, "Oh, Soryu-san, is this your guardian?"

Asuka grinned, grabbing Ryoji's arm, "Of course, this is Ryoji Kaji. He's the only thing that makes this place bearable."

Hikari's eyes darted between the two, "Is there something I can do to help you?"

"I was wondering if Katsuragi-chan was-" He began.

"You!" Came a yell from within the cabin.

In a feat of teleportation that would have left an audience gasping, Misato replaced Hikari at the door to glare at the nonchalantly smiling face of Ryoji Kaji. Ryoji noted that she was still as much a looker as ever, but there was something more… He decided that his time at NERV Japan was going to be much more interesting than he had thought.

"Yo." He said.

"Don't you 'yo' me mister!" She growled, "What on earth are you doing here?"

"Just taking care of this little lady," He gestured at Asuka, who was still holding on to his arm, "I'm being transferred with her to your branch of NERV."

A dark look passed over Misato's face before she forced herself to turn away from Ryoji to look at Asuka.

"Asuka-chan!" She greeted with far more delight, "It is good to see you again."

Asuka smiled, "Katsuragi-san! Congratulations on your successful repulsion of the Angels so far. I bet you are looking forward to having something better than the dregs to work with."

"Shinji and Rei have been doing a phenomenal job," Misato admitted, "I just come up with the plans, the execution is all them."

Asuka's face darkened, "I see…"

"Why don't we all get something to eat?" Ryoji asked.

Misato was about to decline when her belly rumbled dangerously. Her cheeks slightly pink, she quickly agreed, although on the condition that she brought Hikari with her. The girl agreed readily, as she too had not eaten since breakfast.

When they peered into Toji's room the young man was groaning about being thrown from the frying pan into the fire. They wisely left him and the acrid aroma of his room to their shared misery. Nobody envied Shinji and Kensuke for having to share a room with the only person who suffered from sea sickness.

"Did you bring any medicine for him?" Ryoji asked as they walked.

"We didn't really know that he would react this badly, " Hikari fielded the question, "Of course, now we all wish we had…"

"I'm just glad he's not a pilot," Asuka broke in, "I couldn't stand working with someone who has such a weak stomach."

"Who exactly could you stand working with?" Hikari asked suddenly.

The silence that greeted that question was as profound as it was complete. Before things could grow awkward, the group was rescued by an unexpected encounter.

"It's a symptom of the military-industrial dictatorship that we slave under!" Came the indignant voice of none other then Kensuke Aida, "I should file a formal complaint!"

Shinji sighed as they crossed the corridor with the group, only to pull up short as he spotted the group heading away from their rooms. Unfortunately, Kensuke failed to realize there was an obstacle in the way, and collided headlong with Asuka. Rather than toppling to the ground, the redhead grabbed the nerd's arm and gave it a perfunctory twist.

A dull thud, followed by a whoosh, advertised that Kensuke was down before anyone's eyes caught up with the action itself.

"Owwwww…" He groaned.

"Don't. Ever. Touch me." Asuka growled at Kensuke.

Tension filled the corridor as everyone's eyes locked onto the redhead. The wild look in her eyes was fading, but her rapid breathing and slight throbbing of her neck indicated that she had been in full battle mode. Moving so as not to startle her, Shinji knelt down next to Kensuke and checked him.

"You okay?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah… just a little… ow." Kensuke said, "What happened? I remember something red…"

Instead of responding, Shinji helped Kensuke to his feet, sparing a glare for Asuka as they rose.

"We were just going to get some food," Ryoji interrupted, "Did you two want to join us?"

Kensuke glanced at the girl who had just decked him and said something about checking on Toji before scrambling off down the passageway. Shinji stayed in place, meeting the gaze of his fellow pilot as the air grew thick with tension.

"Soryu-san," He addressed her, "I apologize for not being on form when we first met. That said, I believe that you should act with more care around those who are not trained for combat."

Asuka snorted, "When the first thing out of your mouth is an apology there is no way I can take you seriously. Besides, he was in my way. Anyone who gets in my way will find themselves in a worse situation than him."

Shinji detected the subtle threat and spared a glance for Misato, who was frantically make a 'cut it out' gesture by waving her hand near her throat. Shinji closed his eyes and placed himself on the edge of a trance before opening them and meeting Asuka's glare.

Shinji smiled, "Then I guess we'll have to start training together so that I don't get in your way."

Asuka pushed past him without reply. Misato patted Shinji's shoulder and drew him aside as he joined their group.

"She needs time to warm up to you." The woman offered, "I know this looks… bad."

"Bad?" Shinji practically hissed, "The girl won't cut me even half a break, not that I really feel like I need one. How am I supposed to work with someone like that, let alone go into battle with her?"

"We really don't have a choice." Misato sighed, "Just do your thing Shinji, I know that you can find a way to get through to her."

Shinji rubbed his head. He felt certain that Misato had more faith in his abilities that he himself did.

"Yo, Ikari-kun." A new voice said.

Shinji glanced over at the newcomer, an ill-shaven man with a black ponytail, "Y-yes?"

"Ryoji Kaji," He reached out a hand, "I'm going to be working with you all back at NERV Japan. I'm honored to finally meet the famous third child."

"Famous?" Shinji asked in confusion.

Ryoji grinned, "It's no secret that there is a purple robot fighting the monsters that are trying to destroy us. The thing that only those with classified access know is that that robot's pilot is you. Most of those who know it have a great amount of respect for Unit-01's pilot. That would be you."

Shinji flushed slightly, "Thank you Kaji-san, but most of my success so far has been due to blind luck."

Ryoji waved a hand at that, "Luck happens once. Maybe twice. I've seen all of the footage, and there is more at play than luck in what you do. I'm sure people tell you this all the time, but good job. Keep it up Shinji-kun, we're all relying on you."

Shinji's blush darkened, "T-thank you Kaji-san."

Ryoji laughed, "Misato sure has you as mild mannered as a dove."

Misato growled, "He came to me that way!"

"Oh," Ryoji grinned, "Then I assume you've made him more… lewd?"

Shinji ducked away as Misato attempted to assault the larger man. He playfully held her off while continuing down the passageway. Hikari settled in beside him, while Asuka remained a good fifteen paces distant from the rest of the group, striding as if she owned the place.

"How are you doing?" She asked quietly.

Shinji shrugged, "I think our new backup may be more trouble than she is worth."

Hikari smiled, "Don't sell her short just yet Shinji. I've seen her act nice, I think she just needs a chance."

Shinji looked at her, "What?"

"She reminds me of… me," Hikari hesitated, "You found me when I was at my lowest point. Soryu-san looks like she is riding on a wave of imagined success. I wouldn't be surprised if she was some kind of celebrity within you pilots' little niche. I think she is afraid of losing control of her world and is pushing back because of it."

Shinji regarded the back of his fellow pilot with renewed interest. If Hikari was right, then he could see why she was being so standoffish. Of course, that didn't change the fact that she was treating him as if he were more of an enemy than the Angels.

"I'll try." He promised.

"I know you will," Hikari looped an arm through his, "You always do."

Shinji felt slightly uncomfortable at the contact. Currently, the only person who touched him on a regular basis was Rei. He was not used to physical contact, and it still put him on edge.

Before long, they arrived at the mess hall, where Asuka proceeded to offend everybody in the room by declaiming that she was looking something edible. Shinji sheepishly apologized for her to the staff and received his own food along with a series of dark looks. The second child was not making his life any easier.

Sitting together, the table grew quiet as everybody focused on their food. Asuka was absorbed in her own thoughts, and her hostile silence made everyone else wary of speaking, especially when she shot angry glances at anyone who even considered making a peep.

Finally, Asuka stood up and pointed at Shinji, "You, come with me."

Without waiting for his response, she stood up and departed without bussing her tray. Shinji instinctively gathered up her leftovers and deposited them at the proper location before hurrying after her.

"I think she likes him." Misato murmured.

"Oh, for certain." Ryoji said.

Misato glared, "Nobody asked you!"

Ryoji grinned, sitting back despite only sitting on a bench, "You used to ask my opinion about a lot of things Misato."

"That's Captain Katsuragi to you," Misato growled, "You no good layabout."

"Don't you mean major?" He asked innocently, "After all, there is only one captain on a ship."

Ryoji smiled as the violet-haired woman gathered up Hikari and left. She still had a thing for him.

XXXXXX

"Behold!" Asuka declared with a flourish, "The next generation of Evangelion! My beautiful Unit-02."

Shinji looked across the prone figure of the Eva, taking in its subtly different form and comparing it to his own Unit-01.

"What kind of plating does it have?" He asked.

"What?" Asuka asked, her tone almost offended.

"Plating," Shinji replied, "Ritsuko and her team just perfected the titanium-b refining process. It's slightly lighter than titanium-a, with an order of magnitude greater tensile strength. Have they done any refits on Unit-02 recently?"

"Hah! As if they would need to, this is the first production model of Evangelion, it doesn't need anything like a refit." Asuka declared, casting a look at her Eva, "Besides, I'm sure I will outshine you even with inferior plating."

Shinji grimaced, "I fought the fourth Angel in Unit-00, which had only been outfitted with steel plating at the time. It was… unpleasant to say the least. I hope that they get your Eva outfitted properly before you have to fight."

Asuka glared at him, "Where do you get off criticizing my perfect steed?"

Shinji glared back at her, "I may not be as well trained as you Soryu-san, but I have seen more action. I know the consequences of shoddy equipment. I was hoping that you wouldn't have to live through the same things I have due to production errors!"

"You can spare me your concern," Asuka shot back, "The Eva is just a tool, the thing that really matters is the pilot, and I am your superior in every way."

Shinji clenched his fists and took a deep breath. He would not let himself get angry.

"Look at you, tongue tied aga-" Asuka began.

She was cut off by a concussion wave which pushed both teens up against the railing that separated them from Unit-02. Reacting instinctively, Shinji ducked out from under Unit-02's protective tarpaulin to gaze out across the waves. He reflected that at least he was getting to the point where he ran towards danger rather than away from it.

He watched as something massive cut through the water alongside their ship, headed straight for one of the Navy's cruisers. Depth charges and torpedoes hammered the ocean around the wake of whatever was gliding through the water, only to be stopped by a propagating wave of octagons which shone through the water and slightly above it.

"Angel." He whispered, feeling truly helpless.

Before the creature reached the cruiser, a beam of energy lanced through the sea ahead of it, boiling water with its passage. On contact, the beam's trajectory immediately became vertical, tossing the cruiser's two remaining halves into the air in opposite directions as the pillar of destruction vaporized middle ten meters of the ship. One such piece of debris made direct contact with a battleship, which took the blow on the side, but doggedly kept its speed up as its guns turned on the Angel.

"Let's go!" Asuka yelled at him, throwing him a spare plugsuit.

Shinji fumbled it for a moment, almost dropping it into the water before grasping it firmly.

"You look and you die!" She growled.

Shinji stared at her until she ducked under the tarpaulin and he saw her sundress drop to the ground. Blushing, Shinji glanced around. There were no signs of any sailors around him, so he quickly stripped down and donned the suit. Depressing the switch, he gasped slightly as the female designed suit pressed onto certain… areas. Piloting in this thing was going to be distinctly uncomfortable.

Pulling himself back up onto the catwalk that surrounded Unit-02, Shinji ducked as a blow aimed at his head whipped overhead.

"Pervert!" Asuka yelled.

Only then did Shinji realize that Asuka had not finished donning her plugsuit. The front gave a very definite view of her cleavage, which caused Shinji to drop his eyes and blush.

"Get in the plug!" Asuka yelled at him, finishing quickly and depressing the wristband which drew the suit tight.

Shinji obeyed, dropping into the entry plug. He idly wondered why Unit-02 had been prepared in such a way for launch while it was being transported.

"Stop thinking in Japanese!" Asuka yelled, "Think in German!"

"I-I don't speak German…" Shinji admitted.

"Useless!" She growled, then spouted off something in a tongue Shinji assumed was German.

Suddenly, the interfaces around them switched to Japanese, and Shinji felt the telltale drop of plug entry.

"Initiate activation sequence!" Asuka ordered.

As rainbows cascaded across the inside of the plug, Shinji closed his eyes, slipping into darkness. He felt the presence of the Eva coming to life around him. It reached out beseechingly, and Shinji let that presence wash over him, getting a feel for his presence. Surrendering to its power, Shinji felt the Eva embrace him, drawing him deep into itself as the connection was completed.

He opened his eyes, the power of the Eva coursing through him as it slowly began to rise. Only then did he realize that he wasn't feeling anything from Asuka through the bond.

"You have to synchronize Asuka," Shinji pointed out, even as Unit-02 began to rise.

"What are you talking about," Asuka growled, "I'm in control right now."

Sure enough, Shinji could feel echoes flow through the bond he shared with the Eva. There was something in his head… something which transmitted commands from a distant presence. Asuka was certainly in control, but she wasn't connected.

"You have to let go." He whispered, "Let her in."

"Shut your mouth and get ready!" Asuka commanded, "We're taking to the sky!"

Shinji felt a jolt as the command ran through him, forcing his muscles to drive them up into the air. There was something terribly wrong with what Asuka was doing. She wasn't working with the Eva, she was crushing it with her will.

Reaching deeper, he felt the soul of the Eva. It took the commands with a combination of resignation and restrained fury. It was being forced, and it did not like it.

"Stop fighting her!" Shinji gasped in horror, "You're hurting her!"

"Would you cut it out!" Asuka yelled back, moving the arms of the Eva around behind her and attaching the class IV energy input into its back.

"Good job Asuka!" Misato called over the communicator, "Get ready!"

Shinji realized that he had been too wrapped up in the dynamic between Eva and pilot to realize that they had somehow made their way over to Over the Rainbow, and were new preparing to fight the Angel as it approached.

Shinji put aside the deep sense of violation that flowed from the Eva to him in favor of focusing on the Angel, for now. Unit-02 drew its prog knife at Asuka's command.

"You focus on fighting," Shinji said, "I'll focus the AT field."

Asuka didn't respond, only grinned maniacally as the Angel drew close. Shinji wrapped his soul through that of the Eva, then projected their AT field forward. An expanding web of light blossomed into the visible spectrum as the energy beam of the Angel impacted with his efforts. Pushing back, Shinji directed all of the Eva's underlying fury at the beam, forcing its angle downwards rather than straight through the ship.

When the pressure slipped, Shinji saw the Angel leaping forward onto the deck of the supercarrier. Instinctively, he threw up an arm, catching a hold of one of the tentacles which grasped for him. Asuka drove the prog knife into the flesh of the Angel over and over, causing thick gouts of blue blood to pulse out from it.

Realizing that Asuka wasn't going to get the core from here, Shinji used the left arm of Unit-02 and a twist of its hips to throw the Angel back into the water. Sergey would have been proud.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Asuka yelled, "We had it!"

"No!" Shinji yelled back, "You were stabbing its least vulnerable area, we need to go for the core, only that will kill it."

Asuka muttered a curse in German and readied herself again, "Then where do we hit it?"

Shinji ran his memories for a second, then nodded, "Inside the mouth."

"You want me to put my hand down inside that thing?" She asked in surprise, "That's disgusting!"

"It's also the only way we're going to kill it," Shinji shot back, "We've got t- Look out!"

The Angel rose from the water again, foregoing its beam attack for the direct approach this time. Unbalanced by their lack of attention, Unit-02 stumbled back, then carried into the water by the bulk of the creature. Almost as soon as they made contact with the liquid, the joints of the Eva locked up.

"Look what you did!" Asuka yelled, throwing a punch at Shinji, who took it on the side of the head.

"You're supposed to be paying attention to the Angel, not arguing with me!" Shinji shot back, the blow pulling his attention from the piercing pain of the Angel's teeth around Unit-00's torso, "Where are we?"

A building suddenly loomed out of the darkness, only for the Angel to pummel them straight through it and several more behind it. Shinji gasped in pain as feedback from the Eva's nerves arced through his body with each new impact. Suddenly, the power cable drew taut, tearing Unit-02 from the grasp of the Angel, only to begin floating aimlessly as the Eva continued to fail in responding to Asuka's commands.

"We're sitting ducks!" Asuka yelled, pulling on the inputs that should have forced the Eva to move, "This equipment isn't meant for full submersion!"

Shinji, ignoring her, closed his eyes and reached out the Eva. He felt an emptiness in his mind where the commands and previously come from. Apparently the immersion had shorted out the A-10 receptors in the Eva's brain, effectively cutting Asuka off from control of the unit. Fortunately, this was not the case for Shinji Ikari.

"Shut up." Shinji said calmly, reaching out the Eva through the contact bond.

Asuka was shocked into silence by his sudden words, only to be even more flabbergasted as the supposedly inoperable Eva began to move. Shinji felt his consciousness flow through the Eva, its skin and muscle becoming his own as he completed the circuit which all Evas craved, that of connection. The murk around them lit up as the Eva's eyes grew bright.

"Where is it?" Shinji asked, his voice gone dreamy.

Extending his AT field, Shinji tried to emulate the action of the fifth Angel, using it as a kind of detection web. Sure enough, when the Angel pierced that barrier, he instantly knew where it was.

"With me!" He growled, grasping Asuka by the arm, "Push together!"

Asuka, her anger at him doused after he had made Unit-02 act when she couldn't, numbly followed his command, drawing back her knife arm, then striking forward at the exact right moment. The leviathan closed its mouth over the Eva, intending to tear the arm completely free. Instead, it felt a piercing sensation in its gut, then the world went dark.

Gasping, Shinji pulled back from the Eva, which let him go reluctantly. His own arm felt like a series of knives were grinding around the entirety of the limb. Apparently this Angel had sported multiple teeth along the length of its "throat."

Tapping the communicator, Shinji spoke, "Mission accomplished Misato, reel us in."

Asuka Langley Soryu was unusually quiet on the ride back up to Over the Rainbow.

XXXXXX

"Excellent work, both of you." Misato congratulated the identically clad teens, "This operation could have gone a lot worse without your quick thinking Asuka."

"Well," Asuka said, her pride somewhat recovered, "I couldn't screw up on my debut performance."

Shinji thought better of pointing out all of the problems with Asuka's "debut performance." Instead, he stood a little straighter and nodded.

"Thank you Misato," He replied, "Now if you don't mind…"

Shinji gestured at his plugsuit, which had once again reminded him of its distressing… closeness in certain areas once the threat to life and limb was taken care of.

Misato chuckled dryly, "Of course Shinji, you're dismissed."

Shinji gave a thankful nod and departed, leaving Misato and Asuka standing before each other on the deck of Unit-02's transport.

"I just have one question," Misato said before turning towards the helicopter which would take them back to Over the Rainbow, "How did you get the Eva's B-type equipment to operate underwater?"

Asuka paused for a moment, then flipped her hair, "I guess Ikari-kun knew a thing or two about tweaking the system. It doesn't surprise me that he felt inspiration in my presence."

"Are you admitting that someone else might be as good as you are?" Misato asked.

Asuka snorted, "I only admit that he isn't completely useless. Still an amateur, but not hopeless."

Misato smiled.


	21. Broken Peace

Better Angels

Chapter 21

Broken Peace

**Friday, 2030 hours, 2 days since Gaghiel**

Shinji and Misato arrived home at a decent hour. Stepping out of the Section Two vehicle, Shinji bid their escort a good night and walked with Misato to the elevator.

"So," Misato said as they entered, "How was your trip?"

"Besides the red-haired narcissist and the giant monster that tried to kill us?" Shinji asked, "Not too bad. Although Kensuke is still sore about the fact that the UN confiscated his camera."

"He should get it back," Misato paused, then smiled, "In about five to ten business years."

"What's a business year?" Shinji asked warily.

"A year's worth of time, not counting weekends or national holidays," Misato grinned, "And with the UN, there are certainly a lot of those."

Shinji chuckled, "I would say that he learned his lesson, but with Kensuke, I don't think anything like that would ever really set in."

The elevator dinged on their floor and the two stepped out into the fading light. Across from them, a figure leaned against the railing, looking out over the city from her vantage point. With their arrival, the individual had turned her torso to face them. Though the setting sun hid her features, Shinji knew exactly who it was. She fairly resonated in his mind.

"Captain Katsuragi," She said, then turned to fully face Shinji, "Shinji."

"I think I'll leave you two alone," Misato waggled her eyebrows, "Remember where the-"

"Get a move on Captain!" Shinji interrupted, looking at the girl before him.

With a huff that might have been disappointment, Misato took off. Only when she had entered their shared abode did Shinji close the distance between the remaining figure. Wordlessly they embraced, a feeling of completeness swelling within each at the contact. They remained that way for a time before Rei spoke softly.

"I missed you." She said simply.

"I missed you too," Shinji replied, "And I probably could have used some backup with the second child."

Rei stepped back, breaking the embrace but keeping Shinji's arms in her own, "I heard that you were attacked, I was… afraid."

"That's," Shinji began, "That's just a part of caring for people Rei. You worry when they are in danger, even if there is nothing you can do about it."

"I know this here," She gestured at her head, then tapped her heart, "But it does not change what is in here."

Shinji smiled sadly, "I'm afraid that you and I will always have to deal with that kind of fear. It kind of comes with the job description."

Rei's eyes hardened, "I must insist that you stop putting yourself in danger when I am not in a position to rectify such things. It has an adverse effect on my mental health."

Shinji chuckled, "I'll be sure to let the Angels know that they can only attack when we are within close proximity."

Rei gave a small smile, "See that you do."

"Do you want to come over for a while?" Shinji asked, "I did some mess duty on the boat and the captain presented me with some real Dutch cocoa for the cake I made the officers as a going away present."

"Are we going to bake a cake?" Rei asked hopefully.

Shinji chuckled again, "Too late for that, but we can always make hot chocolate."

"What is… Hot chocolate?" Rei asked curiously.

"Oh," Shinji grinned, "I think you are going to love this, I even picked up some mini marshmallows on the way home."

Shinji was not wrong.

XXXXXX

**Monday, 0855 hours, 5 days since Gaghiel**

"Look Shinji," Toji continued, "I'm sorry that you have to deal with that witch, but Kensuke and I are glad to be rid of her."

Shinji chuckled, "I think she's more than happy to be rid of your stomach."

"Her and I both…" Kensuke groaned, "I didn't realize the human body could produce that much vomit."

"You two…" Toji growled, holding up a fist.

"Misato and Hikari think that she just needs time," Shinji said, "Although I worry that Tokyo-3 might be saved before that happens."

"I feel your pain man," Toji said, "But don't expect me to be willing to switch places. For all I care she can be your problem."

"Believe me," Shinji replied, "I'm sure she will be."

"Class!" Hikari called out.

The Toji and Kensuke bolted for their chairs. While Hikari was slowly growing on the two, they still had a healthy respect for her when she used her class rep voice.

Shooting Shinji a grin, Hikari opened the door, "I would like to introduce you all to our new transfer student!"

Shinji could feel the fear emanating from his two friends as the newest addition to the Eva pilots of NERV Japan strode into the room, causing every jaw in the room to drop simultaneously. The redhead paused, surveying her effect on her future classmates, smiled, and took up a piece of chalk. Turning around, her hand moved in graceful arcs as she spelled her name in German. Clicking the chalk down, she spun, her hair flowing in a hypnotic pattern as she came to face her audience.

"Asuka Langley Soryu!" She declared, "I'm sure you're all charmed."

The smile on her face was about as genuine as anything Shinji had ever seen. But her eyes…

It was like watching a shark smile at its prey.

The paralysis that had gripped the room broke as several voices cried out that there were seats open next to them. Asuka, pleased with her ability to handle a crowd, flounced past Shinji, patting him on the head lightly as she did so.

"So good to see you Ikari-kun." She said airily, "I'm sure we're going to have lots of fun together."

Shinji groaned as the class message system on his notebook lip up like a candle.

XXXXXX

Asuka settled in to class like a meteor hitting a placid lake. Where Shinji had become used to the comforting, if overall redundant, form of class, now it was chaos incarnate. Whispers actively competed with the teacher's voice at times, though the man had a habit of waxing poetic about the second impact and its terrible toll on the people of Japan and failed to notice. Furthermore, no more than five minutes passed without somebody shooting him inquiries about their new classmate.

By the time lunch had arrived, Shinji was ready to get away from everyone.

"Hey," Asuka said from behind him, "You must be the first child."

Rei turned to regard the redhead, "That is my designation. You are the second."

"Let's be friends!" Asuka declared, holding out her hand.

"Why?" Rei asked, her voice flat.

"Us girls have to stick together," Asuka confided, waving a hand at Shinji, "Otherwise others might take all of the spotlight."

"I do not pilot Eva for the 'spotlight.'" Rei replied, "And I have learned that friendship is a product which is earned, not frivolously given away."

Asuka's jaw dropped as Rei stood up, gestured to Shinji, and headed out of the room. Shinji glanced between the two before following his friend. Catching up with the bluenette, Shinji addressed her quickly.

"That was a little… harsh." Shinji said, although secretly he felt that it was just the medicine that Asuka needed.

"I do not like loud people." Rei said, "Especially those whose intentions are false."

Shinji glanced at her, "False intentions?"

"I believe Soryu-san was attempting to garner a loyal follower rather than a friend," Rei supplied, "I am no longer interested in being a tool in someone else's hands. I have a will of my own."

Shinji glanced over his shoulder as sounds from the classroom grew louder. Apparently others were heading out to eat as well. The two continued to their spot without further word, Shinji contemplating what Rei had said and Rei comfortable with the silence.

"Hey you two!" Kensuke called, jogging over, "You should have seen the look on her face Ayanami-san! That was amazing!"

Rei glanced up at him, "It was not my intention to embarrass Soryu-san, only to inform her that we could not be friends at the moment."

Kensuke snorted, "You might as well have dropped an N2 mine on her. She didn't go off at the entire room, but the look in her eyes afterwards. I think she's out for you blood now."

Shinji sighed as Rei shrugged noncommittally.

"Is there any good news?" Shinji asked.

"Well," Kensuke rubbed his chin, "Hikari kicked Toji out of the room before he could start a fight, then immediately began handling damage control. Whether or not the two of you will survive the week though…"

"Where is Toji?" Shinji asked, "I would have thought he would be hungry by now."

Kensuke gestured to the gym, "He went to hit the weights, said something about needing to work out some frustration."

"He must be really mad," Shinji commented, "I've never known Toji to skip a meal."

"You're telling me!" Kensuke laughed, "I still can't believe how you shut her down!"

Lunch passed quickly along with the rest of school, although there was still an air of expectation hanging heavy over the room. When the time to leave came Shinji glanced over at Hikari, who was quickly gathering her things.

"Somewhere to be?" He asked.

Hikari smiled, "I invited Asuka over. Well, I think she might have invited herself… Did you know they have her in some kind of dormitory on base all by herself?"

Shinji shrugged, "I'm sure it's only temporary, besides, I get the feeling that she likes her space."

Hikari glanced back at the throng surrounding Asuka. The girl had treated her first day at school like a popularity contest, one which she had decidedly won. Shinji was still amazed at how she had worked the entire class into a fervor of ardent worship in just one day. If piloting Eva did not work out for her, she could always try to become an idol.

"I would think that you of all people would understand the difference between space and isolation." Hikari said.

Shinji wilted, "Yeah, you're right. The thing is…"

"Hey, hey!" Asuka demanded, stepping up right behind Shinji and giving him a firm tap of the head with her hand, "Stop flirting third, you can't afford to lose your focus or you'll be even worse than you are."

Shinji rubbed his head, that had been more than a friendly tap, "Could you be a little more discreet?"

Asuka snorted, "Like you've been? I don't think there is anybody who doesn't know that you're an Eva pilot. Why should I rot in obscurity while you get all the fame?"

Shinji sighed, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not really famous…"

"Please," Asuka said, "I'm sure you could have any girl in this place with the way they eye you."

Shinji stared at the redhead. Her challenging stare had something dark in it, something deep and terrifying that would drive him insane if he let it in.

"Shinji is not a womanizer." Rei spoke up from behind the redhead.

Asuka, rather than facing Rei, simply held Shinji's gaze, the darkness in her eyes blazing with a frenetic light now.

"Not surprising," Asuka said softly, "A spineless coward like him wouldn't have the balls to talk to a woman. It doesn't change the perversions he thinks about behind closed doors. Everyone here thinks you're some kind of golden boy Ikari, I can see through you though."

Shinji shivered when she finally turned away from him. Asuka seemed to hate men, and she seemed to hate him above all others. The problem was, he did not understand why.

Asuka and Hikari left as he ruminated. Rei began gathering up garbage to be burned outside while he thought. Technically they were both in charge of getting that chore done, but Rei considered it wise to allow her fellow pilot to think.

"E-excuse me Ikari-kun." A voice ventured.

Shinji blinked, his thoughts interrupted. He looked up to find Sute and several other students standing before his desk. Realizing that they had been standing there for several seconds, Shinji forced a smile onto his face and answered.

"Sute-chan," He said genially, "How can I help you?"

"W-we don't want to be a bother but…" She began.

Shinji waited, he had learned from Rei that sometimes silence was the best way to encourage other people to talk.

"We were wondering if you could go over some of the physics with us?" She said, shifting uncomfortably, "W-we would ask for help at home but…"

"Gran is as bad at physics as she is at math," the lone male interrupted, "And the textbook is worse than sensei."

Shinji was surprised for a moment, then remembered that every single one standing in front of him, seven in all, were among those Hikari had pointed out as living in one of Tokyo-3's many orphanages. Apparently Gran was the woman who took care of them.

"Of course!" Shinji agreed, standing up, "Why don't we push some desks in a circle and I'll do my best."

XXXXXX

"Soryu-san was not wrong." Rei spoke suddenly, breaking the silence of their walk home.

Shinji almost jumped at the words, then his brain processed what had been said, "What?!"

"Many of the females in class 1-A would not be opposed to being called your girlfriend." Rei said, her voice carrying only analytical reasoning.

"I… That's not true!" Shinji protested, "I'm a… I'm a nobody!"

Rei rounded on him, halting their progress towards their apartment, "That is patently untrue Shinji Ikari. I know that your self-worth is considerably lower than the average human specimen, but you are a person a great consequence."

Shinji dropped his eyes, "It doesn't feel that way sometimes."

A gentle hand touched his arm as Rei stepped closed, "You spend so much time trying to find the good in others that you forget that there is good inside of you Shinji Ikari. Our classmates worship Asuka Langley Soryu, but those who know you would follow you to death. There is worth in that beyond hollow adoration."

Shinji felt warmth in his heart at that. Patting Rei's hand, he took her arm and looped it through his own.

"Yeah," Shinji sighed, "I just wish that I could remember that when Asuka was berating me."

"She is quite loud." A hint of mirth entered her voice, "I believe Hikari will find her presence… unpleasant."

Shinji grinned at that and they walked home.

XXXXXX

"I'm hooooome!" Misato called through the house, the door sliding shut behind her.

Shinji leaned out of the kitchen to see Misato striding down the hall. Rei, who was avidly tapping away at her notebook, barely acknowledged Misato's entrance with a slight shift of her shoulders.

"I was just finishing up dinner," Shinji said, his hands still working out of sight, "Your timing is impeccable."

"What else would you expect from NERV's head of tactical operations?" Misato asked airily.

"You are often late for dinner," Rei noted, "Shinji has been pushing dinner back further and further to accommodate you."

"That's enough out of you!" Misato grumped with a smile, "You have to be nice to me when you're in my house."

Rei looked over at her, blinked, then turned her eyes to Shinji with a question in them.

"She's making that up," Shinji replied, "Misato, stop taking advantage of Rei's ignorance."

"Okay then," Misato declared, "New house rule, everyone has to be nice to Misato."

"This could get passive-aggressive very quickly Misato," Shinji shot back, "Besides, I pay half the rent so I get veto rights on the rules."

"You ungrateful…" Misato muttered.

Shinji stepped out of the kitchen, a plate of chicken tonkatsu and one with tofu burdening his arms. The smell in the house suddenly reached Misato's reasoning centers, and she decided that she would forgive Shinji. Just this once though.

"Eat up!" He called, setting the plates down before retrieving his own and joining his two companions.

"Thank you." Rei said, taking up her chopsticks.

"Any time." Shinji said, digging in himself.

Misato, her mouth half full, spoke with a muffled voice, "Don't tell her that! She's already here most nights anyways. We can't afford another roommate."

Shinji raised an eyebrow at her, "We have a spare room and you're never home. Why not invite Rei to live with us?"

Misato glared at him, gulping down her food before responding, "As the primary lease hold-"

Uncharacteristically, Rei interrupted, "Thank you Shinji, but I prefer to live alone. I have come to… enjoy solitude at the proper times. Besides, I sometimes hear the captain from across the way, and would prefer to have less noise pollution in my domicile."

"See, she agrees wi- wait, noise pollution!" Misato blurted out after realizing what Rei had said.

"I am sure there is another reason why the apartments adjacent to yours are empty." Rei said.

Shinji grinned at Misato, who was turning red. With a huff, Misato went back to her food, tossing the her two subordinates dark looks in between bites of the delicious meat. The cooked-to-perfection meat mellowed her mood before the end of dinner.

"Would it be possible to have more hot chocolate?" Rei asked timidly.

Shinji raised an eyebrow. Though Rei had become more comfortable around him, she had never outright asked him to prepare something specifically.

Rei blushed at his look, "I was hoping you would look over something for me and I thought hot chocolate would work well with it."

Shinji shrugged, then smiled, "I'll start the kettle."

"Wrapped around her finger…" Misato mumbled, "You two enjoy yourselves, I'm off to bed."

"Everything okay?" Shinji asked, worry creeping into his voice, "You're usually up later than this."

Misato shrugged, "Work has been difficult lately."

Shinji's eyes narrowed as he regarded her. Misato was a decent liar, but Shinji had learned how to pick up on when she was withholding something.

"It's nothing," She insisted, folding her arms defensively, "Just work drama. Nothing to do with Angels or Evas, I promise."

"I care about you Misato," Shinji said suddenly, "Don't assume that I only worry about your work when it comes to me."

Misato felt her cheeks heat slightly, "Yeah, I know kid. Look, I'm just trying to deal with stress in a new way now that I've gone dry. It's… hard."

Shinji crossed the distance between them and rested a hand on one of her folded arms, "Thank you Misato, I know what you did, it was for me. If there's anything I can do to help I owe you that much."

Misato flushed a little harder, turning her head away, "Nothing that you should be doing…"

Misato felt something warm and hungry rear up inside her belly and fought to push it down as the silence between the two stretched out.

"I believe I can assist you captain," Rei said into the silence, rising to her feet.

Shinji and Misato turned to look at her as she took Misato by the hand in a gesture as alien to her as it was bold.

"I-" Misato began.

"Relax captain," Rei said, "This will not hurt."

The pair disappeared into Misato's room and Shinji stared for several moments before shrugging and beginning cleanup. Hot chocolate would have to wait it seemed. He still began boiling water.

Half an hour later, Rei stepped gracefully from Misato's room, making her way quietly down the hall.

"The captain is asleep." She stated as Shinji handed her a cup of hot chocolate.

"So…" Shinji asked, his cheeks going slightly red, "What did you two talk about?"

Rei tilted her head at him, "I believe that I told Soryu-san that you were not a womanizer. Was I proven a liar?"

Shinji quickly threw up his hands, "N-no, I was just curious."

Rei's smile widened fractionally and Shinji realized that she had played him again, "I gave Captain Katsuragi a massage."

Shinji stared.

"I have been researching human interaction techniques," She continued, "There were many… explicit examples in which people could interact in a physical manner, but several suggested that a way to draw close to someone was to utilize bodily contact in a non-erotic manner."

Shinji's cheeks were now approaching a shade of purple.

"You may wish to avoid entering her room unless there is an emergency, as she fell asleep before she could don a shirt for sleeping." Rei carried on remorselessly, "The captain had a remarkable number of seized muscles. I was not expecting to work as long as I did. Her skin was also incredibly smooth compared to yours."

"S-something to look over?" Shinji asked desperately, trying to stem the tide before Rei became more explicit.

Rei blinked as if remembering something, then nodded, "Of course Shinji, please sit down."

Shinji did so, glad for the respite. He sipped his hot chocolate and began systematically locking away the images which Rei had evoked in his brain. Maybe Asuka was right about his perversions.

Rei slid her notebook onto the table before him and seated herself in the opposite chair. It took Shinji a few moments of reading before his eyes snapped up to look at Rei.

"Is this…" He asked, "Poetry?"

Rei nodded, "Is it terrible?"

Shinji looked back down at the document, reading it over, then shrugged, "I'm not really an expert, but it seems okay to me."

"Can you elaborate?" She asked.

"Well, I mean," Shinji began, "Why poetry Rei?"

Rei wrung her hands, another uncharacteristic move, "I… I can see myself through the eyes of many people Shinji. I see myself through your father's eyes. To him I am a useful tool. To Doctor Akagi I am an experiment, a thing to be worked on."

Shinji's heart clenched as she continued, "To many of the people in NERV I am nothing more than the first child. Raised to be the pilot of the prototype Evangelion. To my classmates I am known mostly as the queen of ice."

She smiled at him, "To you I am much more. Through your eyes I see something beautiful in myself. The thing I am truly missing is the ability to see myself. This is something that you cannot provide me with Shinji Ikari. I want to know myself. I want to be… me. Whoever, or whatever that is."

Shinji looked at her, drumming his fingers on the table, "And this helps?"

Rei shrugged, "I am very good at observing things Shinji, yet when I try to turn that skill inwards it fails me. I thought that if I tried to express myself more fully then I would be able to observe that expression."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Shinji asked.

She smiled, "You have done enough for me. You found me when I was lost. You are my anchor in troubled waters. If I want to ride to the winds of life then I need to master myself, lest I be tossed about and broken."

"You're certainly waxing poetic," Shinji noted, "Are you… Are you going to leave?"

Rei shook her head, "I cannot, my work here is incomplete. We must stay to fight. One day, I hope that I might explore this world that we call home. For now, we must defend it."

Shinji nodded, his heart light, "Together."

"Together." She agreed.

XXXXXX

**Tuesday, 1900 hours, 6 days since Gaghiel**

"How are you all doing?" Ritsuko asked through the comm channel.

Shinji opened his eyes and looked over at the camera, "Feeling fine over here."

"I am adapting." Rei said calmly.

"This thing feels weird!" Asuka declared, "It's like I'm missing everything but my right arm."

"That's good to know!" Ritsuko said, gesturing for Maya to take down the information, "Anything from either of you two?"

"It doesn't seem to want to synchronize with me." Shinji replied.

"I feel the same." Rei chimed in.

"Hah," Asuka said, "It's a good thing that I'm here to take up the slack for you two!"

Shinji glanced over at the smug face of Asuka, grinding his teeth but managing to hold his tongue. Although he had tried his best to avoid the redhead she seemed to be everywhere. At school she would always greet him with a biting cheerfulness that always reminded him of who was the better pilot. It seemed as if Asuka was determined to grind him underneath her boot. The scary thing was that he was starting to believe the things she said.

"May we carry out a standard synchronization test?" Rei asked suddenly.

Ritsuko looked at Maya, who shrugged, indicating she had all the data she needed.

"Why not," Ritsuko replied, "rerouting the neural links, try to relax while new connections are formed."

Shinji felt the alien presence of the creature around him fade. It had reacted a little more strongly to him this time, brushing at his soul with its own for a moment before withdrawing.

"Initializing." Maya relayed, "Hold tight you three."

Shinji closed his eyes as the plug lit up around him, pulling him into the faux synchronization. Without the reaching of the Eva there was no real sensation, but he let himself slip into the world between in order to open himself up to the synch test.

"How am I doing!" Asuka called.

Shinji grimaced as her voice intruded on his solitude.

"Holding at 60%." Maya replied.

Asuka tried to flick her hair, only for it to float aimlessly instead of swish as it would in the air, "I'm ready for anything!"

"55%" Maya corrected.

Asuka gritted her teeth and focused and pushing her thoughts through the connection. This machine would yield to her, no matter what.

"How are the others?" Ritsuko asked absently, working on something at her terminal.

"Shinji is creeping up to 45%, Rei is still hanging at 33%," She reported.

Ritsuko nodded, not surprising. While Shinji and Rei were capable of staggeringly high synch ratios with their actual Evangelions, they were at the lower end when it came to computed scores. Ritsuko had yet to discover the actual reason behind this, but she suspected that it had something to do with the way that Shinji had forced her to feel pain. She absently rubbed her temple at the memory of that experience.

"Maya." She asked suddenly.

"Yes?" Maya asked, turning her attention to the woman who was her mentor and idol.

"Would you help me with something after work?" She asked, "I'm trying to work through a problem."

Maya frowned, "I hope you're not taking your work home with you Ritsuko-san, you already spend enough time here as it is."

Ritsuko smiled ruefully, "That's true. I was thinking we could go out for a drink and just… talk."

Maya flushed slightly at that. Ritsuko had never asked her to go with her alone. What could this mean?

"O-of course!" She agreed.

Ritsuko nodded absently, not registering the hopeful look on her protégé's face, "I'll see you at around ten."

Maya smiled, turning back to her work.

"Oh," Ritsuko added, "And will you schedule a cross-compatibility test for Shinji with Unit-02 on Thursday."

Maya raised an eyebrow, "We already know he can synchronize with it."

"I want to see the numbers," Ritsuko replied, "There's only so much we can get out of a log."

Maya shrugged, "I'll make sure it gets done, although…"

"Hm?" Ritsuko asked.

"I'll probably fail to mention it to Asuka-chan until after the test is complete, if then."

Ritsuko turned to face the woman, "Worried about something?"

"She's… possessive of that thing," Maya said, "She goes down to stare at it at least once a day."

Ritsuko frowned, "Does she do anything?"

Maya shook her head, "I wouldn't know, I've only seen her in passing. Has anything been worked out for her accommodations? The base barracks is… adequate, but not really the place for a sixteen-year-old girl to be living."

"Misato is working on that," Ritsuko said, glancing at Shinji's window with a slight smile, "I think it should work out just fine."

"I hate it when she smiles like that…" Someone muttered.

Another ten minutes passed before the pilots were dismissed. Asuka was the first out of her plug, settling gracefully to the gantry to watch as Shinji carefully clambered down the ladder to his own. Rei alighted before the third child and made her way over to the towels laid out for them.

"Not so hot right now third!" Asuka called over to Shinji as he settled onto the gantry.

"I'm glad to see you too Asuka." He replied, not bothering to look at her.

"Someone is feeling uptight," Asuka continued, "What's the matter, can't handle being shown up by a girl?"

Shinji looked at her, then over at Rei, who was closing the distance between them with a spare towel. Instead of responding to the redhead, he took the towel and thanked Rei.

"Hey!" Asuka yelled, "I was talking to you!"

Shinji sighed and turned to meet her fierce gaze, "No, you were talking at me. There's a big difference, one that you should probably try to learn."

Asuka's face darkened, "Idiot!"

Strangely, the insult actually helped Shinji's mood level out. His comment appeared to have knocked the girl on the defensive, and this was probably the weakest insult she had offered him since her arrival.

"I'm going to take a shower," He turned to Rei, "I'll meet you outside."

"Do not wait for me," Rei replied, "I have a… treatment. I will see you the day after tomorrow."

Shinji regarded her, but her calm expression let him know that there was not any danger involved in whatever would be happening.

"Okay," He said, giving the girl a quick hug, "I'll have a surprise for you when you get home."

Rei smiled, "I would like that."

"You two are gross!" Asuka called, "Why don't you kiss and get it over with!"

"I believe she is trying to test my patience." Rei muttered.

Shinji chuckled, "I think Asuka could test that patience of a stone."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "It is possible."

With that, they parted, each heading for the locker rooms. When Rei arrived Asuka was already lathering herself up under a stream of hot water.

"I don't understand what you see in boy wonder," Asuka said as Rei began stripping off her plugsuit, "He's not much of a pilot and he's about a spineless as a cockroach at school."

Rei paused to look at the other girl for a moment, then stepped into her own shower, a flood of warm water cascading over her body, eliciting mild shivers of pleasure. After a moment of basking in the new, yet familiar sensation, Rei began methodically cleaning herself.

When she was done, she turned to leave, only to find her way blocked by her fellow pilot, a towel wrapped around her midsection.

"So," She demanded, "What is it?"

"What is what?" She asked, moving to get past Asuka, who only sidestepped to maintain her blocking position.

"What do you see in the famous third child." Asuka said, "I swear you don't even know how to talk properly."

"Let me pass." Rei said, he voice taking on a very neutral tone.

"I don't think I will." Asuka said, "Until you answer my question."

"I am required to report to Doctor Akagi," Rei said, "You are delaying my timely arrival."

"Ooooh," Asuka teased, a dark glint in her eye, "Am I going to get you in trouble with the teacher."

"No." Rei replied.

The more that Asuka talked, the more Rei found herself retreating into her shell. She felt certain that all that she was doing was goading the girl, but something about the way she spoke… Rei was not afraid, but she was… uncomfortable.

"Then why the hell won't you answer by question!" Asuka suddenly spat, "You walk around like you're the queen of this place! You're nothing special!"

"You are correct," Rei replied, "I am expendable."

Asuka blinked at that, "What?"

"Excuse me." Rei said, then flowed past Asuka.

The maneuver left Asuka gaping. It had been a long time since anyone had been able to get past her, let alone tried to when she confronted them directly.

"Goddamn Japanese and their passive-aggressive politeness!" She growled, spinning to face Rei.

Unfortunately, the girl had simply slipped into a robe and was already heading for the exit. Asuka briefly contemplated going after her, but decided against it. Giving the pigs on base a show with her in just a towel was not worth whatever she might gain from forcing a confrontation with her fellow pilot.

Wordlessly, Asuka began dressing, plans and musings whirling through her head.

A slight giggle escaped her lips, only to be quickly stifled.

This was not the time for that.


	22. Love and Hate

Better Angels

Chapter 22

Love and Hate

**Thursday, 1830 hours, 8 days since Gaghiel**

"Can I ask you something Colonel?" Shinji asked, making sure to make his weapon safe before clearing it and setting it down.

During his short sojourn on Over the Rainbow Shinji had been introduced to a marine gunnery sergeant. The woman had laughed outrageously when informed that he was being trained by the airforce in rifle use. She had then proceeded to insult Shinji and every ancestor within the past century for the two days which she had with him to work on his skills.

Strangely enough, before leaving she had presented him with a letter for Colonel Dunham and a patch bearing a pair of crossed rifles. Upon presenting the two items to Dunham, the man had chuckled, then tucked the patch into his pocket, promising that Shinji would have it when he was no longer a disgrace to the armed forces of the United States of America.

From that day, Colonel Dunham had begun firing alongside Shinji.

"Of course," Colonel Dunham replied, copying Shinji's action and turning to face him, removing his ear protection, "What's on your mind lieutenant?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me anything about the German military." He said.

Colonel Dunham crossed his arms and looked over the young man in his charge, "Anything in particular catch your fancy? Trying to cozy up to the new pilot?"

Shinji grimaced, "She claims to be a lieutenant. She's been… confrontational. I've been trying to find a way to interact with her that doesn't end in recrimination."

Dunham sighed, "The first thing that I need to let you know is that even though she bears a commission from the German military, she has never actually served in it."

"So why is she a lieutenant?" Shinji asked.

Dunham chuckled, "Kid, I couldn't tell you about half of the politicking that goes on within the US military, let alone that of another country. If you wanted me to guess, it probably comes down to two things. First, the German military would want to have their own representative in on the Evangelion initiative, so granting her a rank gives them a certain amount of prestige within the world as a whole. Second, from what I have heard of the girl in the short time she has been here, she probably demanded, and received, the rank to feed that ego of hers."

Shinji frowned, "So she got a rank because she is… loud?"

Dunham laughed, "Kid, have you ever tried to exercise those political muscles that you have?"

"My what?" Shinji asked.

Dunham clapped him on the shoulder, causing Shinji to stagger, "That's what I like about you Shinji, you wouldn't know a plot if it stabbed you in the back."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Shinji asked, his face flushing slightly at the perceived insult.

"You are one of three people who currently have the ability to protect humanity from complete annihilation," Dunham explained, "Have you ever thought that maybe you could leverage that status into certain… perks?"

Shinji's mouth dropped open, "B-but that would be…"

"Selfish?" Dunham asked, "Unfortunately for the majority of the human race, there are few people with power who think like you do Shinji. Now tell me, how long have you been a pilot."

Shinji rubbed his head, "Eh… to be honest, I don't know the exact time, less than half a year?"

Dunham nodded, "Asuka Langley Soryu has known that she would be one of the saviors of humanity since she was a little girl. While I don't have access to any reports on her developing years, I do know that that kind of fame, whether open or not, can affect people… negatively."

"She's mean because she's famous?" Shinji asked, finding it hard to believe.

Dunham shrugged, "I'm certain that's not the whole story, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was an important part of it. You can't spend your life being told that you are special without letting at least a little of that go to your head. In Asuka's case, it seems as though she sucked up every bit of adoration laid on her by the staff of NERV Germany."

Shinji glowered at the thought, "She's already taking over my class…"

"Not surprising," Dunham said, "She seems assertive and her looks probably don't hurt in charming the socks off of your classmates."

Shinji sighed, "So there's nothing to do?"

"I didn't say that," Dunham said, patting the rifle beside him, "My men and I respect you because of your skill and willingness to learn Shinji. Every moment you spend with Sergey or me is a moment when you become better. If you can prove to her that you are… worthy, you might stand of chance of holding a mildly civil conversation."

"I've already killed two Angels by myself…" Shinji grumbled.

"No matter how much training miss Soryu has received, I do not believe she will completely understand what you have done until she has faced an Angel herself," Colonel Dunham said, "Have you considered inviting her to train in hand to hand combat?"

"And give her an excuse to hit me?" Shinji wondered, "I can't see that ending well."

"You could just curl up and let her rule over everything around you, including yourself." Colonel Dunham noted dryly.

Shinji grimaced, "I see your point. Any other advice?"

"Only that you probably shouldn't take advice about women from me." He said.

"Well now you tell me…" Shinji grinned.

"Back to work lieutenant!" Dunham snapped, turning back to his weapon with a smile on his own face.

Firearms practice ended shortly thereafter, giving Shinji's Section 2 protectors time to get him to NERV for his cross-synchronization test.

Changing into his plugsuit, Shinji hurried out of the locker room, and out onto the Eva gantry, where all three of the giants awaited activation. Surprisingly, Rei, who had been absent for the past couple days, was there waiting for him.

"Hey," Shinji greeted, "Are you going to be joining me?"

"I am being checked out on Unit-01," Rei informed him, "Although I doubt I will be able to reach your level of synchronicity."

Shinji shrugged, "I guess it's always good to have a backup. I mean, I can pilot Unit-00 in a pinch, although…"

"She is much more… stable," Rei said, "In fact she has been wondering when you would come visit her."

Shinji glanced over at Unit-00, "I don't think that's up to me."

"I tried to explain this," Rei said, "But she is persistent."

"I'll see what I can do." Shinji said, turning back to Unit-02, "For now, I have a new lady to meet."

"Good luck." Rei said.

They parted, each settling into their respective plugs and undergoing the entry sequence.

"How are you feeling?" Maya's voice came over the communicator.

"Room temperature and slimy." Shinji replied, "At least until you initiate the startup sequence."

"This is no time for jokes Shinji," Maya scolded, "Your mental state is probably the most important factor in determining whether or not a successful activation will occur."

Shinji sighed and rubbed one of his eyes, "Yeah, it's just… I have a lot on my plate right now."

Maya hesitated, "Should I call off the activation?"

"No," Shinji hurriedly assured her, "Just give me a minute."

"Take all the time you need," Maya said, "Just let me know when you're ready."

Shinji leaned back, drawing in a deep breath of LCL as he closed his eyes. Moment by moment he put away the troubles which were accumulating in his life. More than a few of those involved Asuka, but many others involved his classmates, Misato, Rei, his work with NERV, and the looming presence of the man with the golden eyes.

Shifting it all away, Shinji exhaled, driving these thoughts from his mind, letting himself become…

Empty.

"Ready." He whispered.

Light danced across the inside of the plug, letting Shinji know that the startup sequence had begun. Reaching out, he felt the presence of Unit-02 in the void. Hesitating for only a moment, he touched it gently, making it aware of his presence. Flashes of memory leaped through his mind.

'_Mother loves you Asuka-chan.'_

'_I'm so proud of you.'_

'_Don't you know me?'_

'_Let's die together Asuka-chan.'_

'_**Let's die together'**_

Falling. A sudden stop, not sudden enough. Shinji felt his throat constrict as air could no longer make its way into his lungs. A more primitive part of his brain thought of struggling, but that would have required too much effort. This was, after all, what he had wanted anyway.

Sweet peace.

Shinji drew in a lungful of LCL, opening his eyes and observing the world around him. He was immersed in a pool of the liquid which extended up to his neck. Turning his head, he observed two others with him. The far figure was asleep, while the adjacent one was also awake, albeit without the regard for its surroundings which he had.

'_This is not me'_ Shinji thought, pulling himself back.

'_We are one'_ Another voice replied, holding him.

'_What about…'_ Shinji thought.

A redhead on a carrier, dress flowing in the wind like the sea around them. A sudden appearance in the classroom. Blazing fury which overlaid eyes of emptiness. An enigma wrapped in a mystery.

Chains. Piercing pain in his skull. Ground into subservience.

Shinji's breath became ragged.

Images again. A young woman full of vibrant life, ready to face danger and overcome it. Suddenly, she became… hollow. Yearning. Rejection. Fear. Love. A boy with black hair, Shinji. Connection. Wholeness. The need for it was a gaping hole within his heart.

Shinji locked an image of himself into his mind and pushed back.

A school. Blue hair and red eyes. Brunette, commanding. Tall, black hair, strength. Brown hair, freckles, intelligence. A girl, quiet, so lonely.

An apartment. Violet hair, beauty, respect… Love. A place to belong. A place to call home.

Deep sorrow flowed through the bond, causing Shinji's body to weep, though his mind was unaware.

Alone. Forsaken. Forgotten.

A face flashed across Shinji's vision. A woman whose tears could flood the ocean.

Make it end.

Die.

Together.

Shinji was losing hold on himself. Vaguely, he heard someone calling over an intercom.

Hope.

Despair.

Captivity.

Freedom.

Together.

Free together.

The wind blew through Shinji's hair as he stood in his dream field. Turning, he saw the woman whose face had flashed before him.

"Who are you?" He asked.

She stepped closer, growing larger with each step. Silently, she reached down to snatch him up. Shinji felt himself unravelling.

Red light surrounded Shinji as a set of numbers winked on and off in front of his face. Confused, he tried to orient himself. He soon realized that he was looking at the emergency power warning system every Eva was equipped with.

"Shinji!" Maya yelled, "Are you still there?"

Shinji took a moment to assure himself that all of his limbs were there before responding, "Yeah, I'm here Maya."

A sigh of relief, "Good, we were worried. You stopped responding after activation was complete."

"Sorry," Shinji replied, "I… I don't think I can synchronize with Unit-02 right now."

"That's not what the numbers tell us," Maya said, "You marched right past 100%. We cut the power when you stopped responding to try and pull you out."

Shinji shivered, remembering the face of the woman, "I think she was trying to eat me."

XXXXXX

Warmth suffused Shinji's body as he leaned against the wall of the shower. The heat flowing through him was a counterpoint to the chill he felt deep within his soul. He still shivered when he thought of the connection with Unit-02.

_He hung in a room, not quite dead, but certainly not alive. The door flew open, and in walked…_

_Asuka?_

The flash of memory from the Eva subsided quickly and Shinji breathed deeply, only to cough up another gob of LCL.

"Asuka Langley Soryu." He whispered.

"Shinji?" A voice asked.

Shinji turned and looked over the wall that separated each shower and towards the entrance to the locker room.

"This is the boys' locker room Rei." He noted, "Are you some kind of pervert?"

Rei didn't rise to the teasing, "From the amount of activity going on outside, I believe that something went wrong with your test."

"I think I almost died," Shinji admitted, "At least, I think that's what Unit-02 wanted."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "Then the mental capacity of the pilot is reflected in the Eva."

Shinji hesitated, "Maybe. I think that there is something wrong with the soul of Unit-02 as well. Rei… I know that Unit-00, you, and I share a soul now. Do you know what the souls of the other Evas are?"

"Evangelion is a beast designed, it has no soul." She said, as if reciting facts from a document, "That is the official policy of NERV."

"You and I know that is patently false." Shinji said, "Both Unit-00 and Unti-02 have communicated with me. They are alive, even when we don't ride them into battle. If Eva is a creature without an intrinsic soul, where did the souls of _our_ Evas come from?"

"You believe they are humans." Rei stated.

"It's the only thing that makes sense," Shinji replied, "I think Unit-02, or, the soul of Unit-02, killed itself. It knew Asuka before it died, so it is probably from Germany. Rei, what the hell kind of place do we work for?"

Rei was quiet for a long time, "We work for those who will stop at nothing to accomplish their schemes."

"And what is their goal?" Shinji asked.

"I…" Rei paused, then gave him a sign with her hand, "I cannot tell you."

Frustrated, Shinji closed his eyes and calmed himself. Whatever had been done to Rei was not her fault. In fact, if he understood her completely, she had risked a great deal in telling him all that she already had.

"That's okay Rei," He replied, "It's just another thing for me to think about."

Rei watched him for a while longer, then turned and departed, ostensibly to get herself cleaned up as well. Shinji finished his cleansing ritual, rinsing his hair in the end and shut the shower off. Standing there, he began to shiver as the coldness within him was no longer held at bay by the warmth of the water.

Tears for someone he had never known dripped to the floor.

XXXXXX

The air outside was warm as usual, and Shinji spent several minutes basking in the twilight atmosphere that gripped the city. He looked out across the cityscape as it came alive for its occupants to enjoy their nightly rituals. Advertisements blazed in an attempt to lure patrons in as the streets slowly became crowded. The economy of the city had only grown stronger as more and more resources were dumped into it, despite its status as a fortress city.

Fewer than one in three buildings of the city were actually used for residential or commercial purposes. The majority of the structures, the ones that didn't retract into the earth, were there to facilitate the battle with the Angels. Despite this purpose, the city had taken relatively little damage, although Shinji was sure that that would begin to change as the Angels continued to attack.

The heaviest fighting had occurred at sites distant to the city, or within the confines of what was referred to as the 'old city,' the quickly deteriorating buildings which were born of another era, and had served as the housing for the first workers to commence the great project that would become Tokyo-3.

Despite all of its martial purpose, Shinji couldn't help but look out over the city with a sense of comfort. Tokyo-3 was his home. There were people here who respected him, people who he thought might even love him, though that thought was almost as terrifying to him as the thought of solitude. He smiled as he regarded the place.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Misato asked, stepping up beside him.

"I thought you would be working late tonight." Shinji responded.

"Well, I was going to, but something else came up," she said, "Do you want a ride home?"

Shinji glanced over at her and shrugged, "I usually walk home with Rei."

"She can come with us." Misato replied.

Shinji shrugged, "I guess we could get some more studying time in."

Misato snorted, "I've seen your report card Shinji, I don't know how you find the time for it, but I'm pretty sure you're at the head of your class right now."

"Most of the things they teach are easy," Shinji admitted, "I learned a lot of it before I ever got here, and the rest is just extrapolation."

Misato put an arm around his shoulder, "You'd better be careful with talk like that, Ritsuko is on the prowl for another protégé. She might snatch you right out of the piloting program."

Shinji thought about then before responding, "I… I don't think that I want to stop being a pilot."

Misato raised her eyebrow at that, "Oh?"

Shinji nodded, "I think… I first started piloting Eva because I felt that there was no one else who could do it. There's something about the Evas, they need us pilots just as much as we need them to fight the Angels. I don't think I could let them down."

"They're just biomechanical constructs Shinji," Misato reminded him, "They have everything that makes up a living being, but at the end of the day they're synthetic."

"I don't think that's true. Not entirely." Shinji replied, gazing out at the city again, "I think that a part of them used to be human, just like me and you."

Misato drew back and regarded him, "What makes you think that?"

"They talk to me." Shinji replied.

Misato's eyes grew concerned, "Shinji, if you're hearing voices in the plug…"

The danger of mental contamination was a very real thing according to Ritsuko. Of course, with only three subjects, and none of them ostensibly crazy from it, Misato wondered how exactly Ritsuko knew what the effects of said contamination were. Or whether or not it was an actual factor.

Shinji shook his head, "I'm not crazy Misato."

"That's just what a crazy person would say." Misato pointed out.

Shinji turned to face her, "Look at me Misato. I might be a traumatized teenager with more baggage than a supermodel on a tour, but I am certainly not crazy."

Misato paused, then nodded, "I believe you Shinji. Hell, you're probably the most sane person in this place. Have you told anyone else that the Evas talk to you?"

Shinji paused, then nodded, "Rei knows, but they talk to her too."

"Asuka?" Misato asked.

Shinji tensed at the name, then shook his head, "I don't think she speaks to them. I think she sees them the same way that you do. They're just puppets for a master to work with."

"So… What do they say?" Misato asked.

Shinji hesitated. He only now realized that he was laying out a lot of secrets. Misato was loyal to NERV, but she was also loyal to him. Maybe even more so. He had realized today inside Unit-02 that she might even love him.

So, instead of hedging, he started talking. When Rei arrived and they piled into Misato's car, the talk continued, with his fellow pilot offering helpful advice. They told her everything. The Evas, their fears about NERV, at least the ones Rei could talk about and the ones which Shinji had deduced, and what they knew about the man with the golden eyes.

"That's a lot." Misato murmured, pulling into her parking space at the apartment building, "You understand that I can't take everything on your word alone."

"You will have to dig very deep to confirm any of Shinji's suspicions," Rei said, "Dangerously deep."

Misato shifted uncomfortably, "I believe in the work NERV does."

Shinji glanced at Rei, who nodded at him, "We do too. At least the part where we keep the world from ending. The rest… We're not so sure."

Misato stared out the window for a long moment before turning to him, "Can you show me this… whatever it is that you do?"

Shinji held out his hand, "We've already done this once. When you first quit alcohol."

Misato grimaced as she took his hand, "I was wondering why it seemed easier than everyone suggested it should be."

Focusing on the violet-haired woman, Shinji closed his eyes, slipping into a trance and reaching out to her. Her soul responded with familiarity, and he felt a bevy of emotions wash through him. Surprised, Shinji let those flow over him before he could pull back from the connection.

Visions flashed through his mind. An image of himself on the couch, a pair of legs partially obscuring him, was accompanied by a feeling of warmth. A deep sense of shame revolved around him as a red hand mark revealed where he had been slapped by the woman.

The visions faded and Shinji stood in darkness, a dimly lit figure sitting in that pool of blackness. Misato was curled up, knees to her chest, head resting upon them. Hesitantly, Shinji stepped close to her, kneeling down next to her and touching her shoulder. A sob wracked the woman's body as he made contact, and a bolt of loneliness leaped from her into him.

More images. Misato pushing people away. People turning away in kind as they looked for greener pastures. An all-consuming rage beat through his veins as he saw a giant of light towering over himself. The face of a man, half covered in blood, locked away behind a steel prison.

Isolation.

'_You aren't alone'_ Shinji thought, the pulse of his thought radiating through the darkness.

The woman on the ground looked up, revealing Misato's face, _'I am always alone. When I am surrounded by others. When I laugh. When they are inside me, I am still alone.'_

Shinji reached deep within himself, finding the image of Misato that he held in his own mind and heart. Projecting that to the woman, he settled down beside her.

'_I need you as much as you need me,'_ Shinji thought, _'We shared our pain once long ago. We two wounded warriors have walked this path together. I understand you Misato.'_

Shinji hesitated, feeling something within himself resonating with something inside the woman before him.

'_And… I love you too.'_ He said.

A sense of vertigo washed over him as that thought slammed him back into his own body. Misato still held his hand, though now it was locked in a death grip.

"What?" She asked quietly.

Shinji, still dizzy, opened his mouth, "Misato Katsuragi, I love you. Not your body, not your brilliant mind, not your beautiful soul. I love you, all of you, the broken parts and the perfect ones."

Her bone-breaking grip tightened further as tears fell from her downturned face.

"I leave the people I love." She whispered hoarsely.

"Then you'll have to change," Shinji replied in a quiet voice, "Because I won't ever let you go."

"We won't let you go." Rei said, placing her hand on theirs.

Shinji smiled at her, "Good to know that I have backup."

Rei smiled, then looked at Misato, who was still looking down, "It is okay to cry Captain Katsuragi."

As if that permission had opened floodgates, Misato wept openly, the two teenagers holding her hand as their promise took root inside her. The promise of a world better than the broken one in which they lived.

XXXXXX

**Sunday, 1800 hours, 11 days since Gaghiel**

Shinji sighed in contentment. Several bags of groceries were looped around his arms, with Rei beside him also bearing a load. Swiping his ID over the access panel on his door, Shinji almost dropped his burden when he was confronted with a hallway stacked with boxes bearing the DHL logo.

"It appears as if Misato went on a shopping spree." Rei said, carefully using the unfamiliar phrase, "Although why she would order from Germany…"

"Neh, Misato!" A hauntingly familiar voice called out, "Have you seen my-"

Asuka stepped out of the bathroom clad in a scarlet towel. Her conversation cut off as she realized that Misato was not the person in the hallway. Looking over the two, she smiled widely.

"Well, if it isn't the first and the third," Asuka said, "See anything you like Shinji-kun?"

Shinji's eyes widened as he realized his eyes had been drawn to the provocative color of the fabric which Asuka's towel was made of.

"N-no!" Shinji yelped, fixing his eyes on the light above Asuka's head, "What are you doing here Soryu-san?"

Asuka tsked, "Soryu-san? Surely you can find a little more affection for your new roommate than that. How about Asuka-chan?"

Shinji looked over at Rei with growing horror. Rei herself had reverted to an outwardly calm façade, the persona of the ice queen who stood above all concerns. Shinji recognized the defense mechanism.

"While you're there you can make yourselves useful," Asuka said, "Have either of you seen my bra?"

"Third stack, top box," Shinji said, before almost biting his tongue off by clamping his jaw shut.

"Hm," Asuka said, reaching up and pulling the rather… frilly looking object down, "I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised that you have such a good eye for underwear Shinji-kun."

Asuka literally flounced into the formerly spare bedroom, tossing them a wink as she entered. The spell which held the other two pilots broke at the sound of the door sliding shut.

"What the he-" Shinji began.

"It appears as if-" Rei said at the same time.

They both stopped, looking at the other, then kept their mouths closed as they moved inside. Quickly depositing the groceries in their places, the two friends beat a hasty retreat to Rei's apartment. As soon as they left, Asuka stepped from her room fully clothed. She watched the door for a long time, the darkness behind her eyes growing as she seemed to watch her two fellow pilots through the intervening door.

XXXXXX

"You forgot!" Shinji practically yelled at his phone.

"Well excuse me," Misato replied, "I wasn't expecting to have our little… chat. Like I said, I meant to tell you the night that I drove you home. Since then things have been… hectic."

Shinji sighed, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry for yelling Misato, I'm just… Really? Asuka?"

"She's been staying by herself on base since she got here Shinji," Misato said, "I seem to remember a young man who was happy enough not to have to stay by himself his first night here. Asuka has been here more than a week and I just thought… It wasn't right Shinji."

"Ah crap," Misato said, "I have to go, we'll talk more when I get home."

"Hey, Misato!" A voice called out from her end, "I've been meaning to-"

"I don't want to hear it Ryoji-" She roared back, only for the phone to suddenly lose its connection.

"She hung up on me." Shinji sighed, hanging his head, "Rei?"

Rei was sitting on one of the two chairs which she owned, staring at the far wall. She moved over to her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I am not used to change." She said quietly.

Shinji sighed again, he was doing that a lot recently.

"I don't think it will be that bad." He said, putting on his best smile, "Besides, it's not like she is your roommate."

Rei regarded him, then turned her eyes back to the wall, "Aside from sleeping, I spend the majority of my time outside of school and NERV in your apartment. I have been displaced, again."

Shinji shivered at that. The debacle surrounding the prelude to the fourth Angel's appearance had been precipitated by Rei losing the last source of stability from her life. While she was certainly more emotionally resilient now, Rei was still sensitive to sudden changes. She loved to discover new things, but they usually progressed at a slow pace where she felt comfortable and in control.

"On the upside, it looks like I'll be spending more time at your place now," Shinji said, "We can finally get you some furniture."

Rei looked around her room, "I have adequate furnishings."

"What about a couch?" Shinji asked.

"I use your-" She suddenly cut herself off, then nodded thoughtfully, "Yes. This will require research."

Shinji chuckled as Rei flipped open her notebook and began furiously tapping away. At least Rei had something to preoccupy her now.

"Maybe avoid the color red?" He suggested.

Rei turned her gaze on him, regarding him with her eyes of said shade, "Does red not please you?"

"I get the feeling I'm going to be sick of it before too long." Shinji said, looking out the window, "We'll get through this, somehow."

Rei glanced at him, then left him to his musings as she began browsing through furniture.

At length, Shinji excused himself, claiming that he needed to start preparing dinner. Rei, consumed with her research, barely acknowledged his exit. As he stepped out, Shinji smiled to himself at his friend's one-track mind. While Rei had great capacity for multitasking, she preferred to focus on things one at a time, especially if said thing captured her full attention.

When he turned towards his apartment, he realized that Asuka was standing on the balcony which connected all of the apartments on their floor. Rather than enjoying the view of the mountains which this part of the building boasted, she was staring directly at him. Shinji shivered, for though he could not make out her features in the fading light, he could almost feel the emptiness of those eyes boring into him.

"Enjoy your quickie?" She asked as he approached.

Shinji narrowly avoided tripping over his own feet by grasping the railing, only a meter separating the two pilots.

"We didn't," Shinji paused, took a deep breath, then continued, "Rei and I aren't like that."

Asuka turned her gaze on him. Shinji was surprised again at how such deep blue eyes could look so… empty. Those dark pits regarded him for almost a full minute before she snorted and turned away from him.

"Strangely enough," She said, "I believe you. So what, are you gay, or does miss perfect making you wait for the right moment?"

Shinji flushed, "No!"

Asuka turned around, leaning against the railing and began studying him. The gaze she leveled at him was piercing in a way that reminded him faintly of Ritsuko when she was conducting his physical exam. Right now he was nothing more than a slab of meat that needed to be checked over for imperfections.

"I bet Misato has lots of fun with you," She muttered, "It's so easy to rile you up. Does she like to be on top?"

"Could you not?" Shinji snapped.

Asuka raised one eyebrow lazily, "You'll have to be more specific than that third. There are a lot of things that I could _not_ do."

Shinji centered himself, closing his eyes for a moment to find inner peace. He opened them to find Asuka waiting, her arms crossed and one hand's fingers drumming along her other arm.

"Since we first met you have treated me like dirt," Shinji said, "You've seen what I can do first hand, we fought together against an Angel. Why do you insist on treating me this way?"

Asuka watched him, then leaned forward, forcing Shinji to lock eyes with her lest his own wander, "You think you're some big goddamn hero Shinji-kun. I've been training my whole life to fight Angels, and they waited until the middle of the fight to put me into it. I've watched your blundering and seen how pathetic you really are in combat. I don't respect you because you're nothing but a rank amateur."

"You carry on as if being a pilot were your birthright," She contined, "Just because your father threw you into that thing and watched while you got yourself literally torn apart. You aren't even dirt when compared to me Shinji Ikari."

"I've met men like you," She said, "You're all unassuming. You say that you're here to help, and you're just doing your best. I can see through all of that Shinji. Deep down inside you're just a little boy playing with his toys. Guess what Shinji Ikari. People aren't toys. When you play with them, they break."

"You have everyone fooled about your pure intentions," Her eyes narrowed, "I know you. You're just waiting for the right moment to betray m-us. Betray us."

A deep and terrible light flickered in her eyes, and Shinji could have sworn she meant to say that he would betray _her_, and not in the impersonal way of someone who would betray everyone.

"Who hurt you Asuka?" He said, cutting to the point.

Instead of responding, the girl sucker punched him. Bending over, Shinji wheezed out every last bit of air in his lungs. He sympathized with Toji as he struggled to catch his breath for a moment, then began heaving in great gulps of air. Asuka's shadow fell over him and he looked up at her, her hands laid on her hips as she looked down on him in more than one way.

"The whole fucking world." She whispered, then went inside.

* * *

A/N: Good evening gentle readers,

A guest reviewer wanted to know about the relationship between Shinji and Rei, and whether or not it is romantic. The simple and short answer is no.

The long answer in my head from which I derive most of their scenes from is this: Rei and Shinji share parts of their souls with each other. They care about each other deeply in ways which you usually only see in people who have spent their lives together. They are literally each others' first, and best friend. Can romance bloom from such a relationship? Yes. Has it right now in this instance? No. Both pilots are focused on their job right now, saving the world. I know that that kind of stress causes romance to bloom quickly, but sometimes it can stunt it. If Shinji has feelings for her, they are wrapped up in all sorts of interesting knots due to how their relationship developed. As for Rei, at the moment she has the emotional maturity of a child, albeit controlled by the mind of an intelligent, focused sixteen-year-old young woman.

When they first became friends neither one had a real understanding of the significance that human touch plays in a lot of cultures, all they knew is that being in physical contact with one another was a way to bring comfort and to feel better oneself. Having grown a little wiser, they understand a few more things, but have both decided that they want to continue as they have been.

So, now to the greatest question of all. Will there be romantic relationships in Better Angels.

Yes.

When will they happen?

Your guess is as good as mine.

May you succeed in all your endeavors,

-Seratar


	23. Fluctuations

Better Angels

Chapter 23

Fluctuations

**Monday, 0530 hours, 12 days since Gaghiel**

Shinji hummed softly as he worked in the kitchen. Despite the solid blow Asuka had delivered the day before, Shinji had woken up without any sign of bruising. From his history with physical damage, Shinji had assumed that he would be tender today, but for some reason he was feeling perfectly fine.

One of the primary reasons for his and Rei's shopping trip the previous day had been the beginning of strawberry season. While Japan's climate could technically support the crop year-round, the plants themselves had only just begun adjusting to the new world in which they found themselves. Sprouting, growing, and harvesting seasons were all extended, although many crops died in the burning heat of midsummer.

Shinji gave a stir to the saucepan on the back burner, checking the bright red sauce for signs of burning. It was perfect. Pulling it off, he gave the pancakes on the griddle a toss to check for doneness, then dropped them into the oven with two ready stacks of the griddled goodness to stay warm.

The sound of Misato's bare feet padding down the hall warned him of her approach, and he quickly topped one of said pancakes with a generous dollop of whipped cream (artificial unfortunately), then poured a steaming stream of strawberry syrup on top of the affair.

He turned in time to dodge the fridge as it opened.

"Misato!" Shinji yelped.

Instead of his violet-haired guardian, a red mess of hair appeared above the fridge door, followed by the zombified face of his newest roommate. Holding up a hand at him, she began gulping down the contents of the remaining artificial cream straight from the bottle. Shinji watched in horrified fascination.

"Whaddya staring at?" She demanded, tossing the empty bottle in the trash, the wrong one at that, and slammed the door shut.

"Breakfast?" He asked simply.

She eyed him, then looked at the pancakes. Shinji was not one to brag, but his pancakes were able to rouse even the most hungover Misato. Of course, now that she was no longer drinking…

"My hero!" Misato declared, hurrying into the kitchen and swiping the plate before Asuka could take it.

Asuka continued to eye him dangerously, but now that Misato was present the darkness behind her eyes was hidden by a slightly fevered gleam.

"There's plenty more." He offered, consciously stopping himself from stepping back.

Asuka looked around, then stood straight, "I'm on a diet."

Shinji's jaw dropped open as the girl made an about face, heading for the bathroom to prepare for the day.

"Don't look so disappointed Shinji," Misato called, "More for us!"

Shinji gathered up the bottle and cleaned it out before depositing it in the recycling. If Asuka was on a diet, it was the strangest diet he had ever heard of.

Shrugging, Shinji made himself up a plate and sat down with Misato, "Big plans for today?"

"Oh you know," Misato said, "Killing bad guys, saving the world."

"I feel safer already." He smiled.

"As you should." Misato replied, "Truthfully, we're gearing up for the next Angel attack. Engineering has finally come through with their newest batch of progressive weapons."

Shinji's ears perked up, "Really?"

Misato nodded, "Kodama and her team have been working overtime to meet their deadline. Things are looking very nice."

"Any previews?" Shinji asked hopefully.

"Hah," Misato laughed, "As if I would show up their pride and joy. Never get between an engineer and their love for their hardware. Especially when they get to show it off."

Shinji nodded sagely, "How is Kodama? I haven't seen her recently."

"Well, I only see her at work," Misato demurred, "But she's very driven there. I think she takes it personally whenever you get hurt."

Shinji blushed slightly, "She shouldn't."

"Well of course not," Misato said, "That's my job as your commanding officer."

Shinji shifted uncomfortably as the bath began to run, "What about our new guest."

Misato glanced over her shoulder, "She hasn't given me any trouble."

"She hates me Misato," Shinji said.

"Did she tell you why she feels that way?" Misato asked.

"Yes and no," Shinji replied, "She said some things to me, but I only believe about half of it. There's something seriously wrong with her. Have you looked at her eyes? They're… empty."

"I worked with Asuka for several years while I was in Germany," Misato confided, "That was a while ago. She's definitely confrontational, but I wouldn't say there is anything especially wrong with her. Except for maybe her outsized ego."

"It's not that." Shinji said, "I… I think that might be a front for whatever is going on inside of her head."

Misato stayed silent, thinking as Shinji looked on with his earnest gaze.

"Okay," She sighed, "I'm going to do something that I promised myself I would never do again."

"What's that?" Shinji asked.

"I'm going to talk to Ryoji Kaji." She said, sounding as if she were signing her own death warrant.

XXXXXX

Rei ducked.

The kick from her opponent sailed over her head, barely a centimeter higher than her crown, causing her hair to dance slightly with the passage of the limb. Tensing her muscles, she drove forward with her powerful leg muscles, striking up with an elbow that would have done serious damage if it had connected with her opponent's stomach.

Fortunately for Shinji, he pulled the momentum of his kick into a spin to the side, putting himself just outside her reach. Before he could go on the offensive again, Rei was moving in, throwing a series of quick jabs which drove him back as he put up a desperate defense. Catching one of the arms, Shinji twisted, lashing out with a leg to trip his fellow pilot.

Rei threw herself into a backflip with the arm twist, landing with one foot crashing down on Shinji's own. Pain shot through the limb, but Shinji had been training with Sergey long enough to know that such a blow would not count as a victory strike, or an excuse to discontinue on his part. Instead, he delivered a powerful jab to Rei's side, causing her to pull back, twisting out of his grip.

They stood for a moment, sizing each other up, then stopped as a faint clapping noise filtered through the air.

"Very good," Sergey said, standing, "Rei, Shinji has finally arrived at the point where facing him will give you real experience. You are improving. Shinji, I now dub you capable of beating up two small children in my home country, but only if one of them is a cripple."

Shinji sighed, "Your country must be a terrifying place."

Sergey grinned, "Russia is the most beautiful country in the world, and its people are even more so."

Shinji regarded Sergey warily. Although the man was certainly not… ugly, there would be no procession of women throwing themselves at him based on his looks.

Sergey raised an eyebrow, "I apologize Shinji, but you are not my type."

Shinji blushed bright red, "T-that's not what I was thinking!"

Sergey chuckled, "I believe that is enough for today. Tomorrow I will work with you individually. Rei, I expect you to work hard so that Shinji does not surpass you as my number one pupil."

Rei looked between Sergey and Shinji, a strange feeling slipping into her veins as she thought of Shinji outmatching her in physical combat training. She decided that he would _not_ best her.

The two teenagers left Sergey to his own devices and began the trek home.

"Did you eat breakfast?" Shinji asked.

"I have obtained sufficient nutritional support for this morning's exercise." She replied.

"Now you're just being evasive," Shinji said, "Why don't you come over, I made pancakes."

Rei glanced at him, then looked away.

"She's not going away if you just ignore her," Shinji said, "I understand, I really do. The girl hates me, but we're going to have to figure out how we can work with her if we expect to succeed."

Rei continued to look into the distance but gave the slightest hint of a nod in acceptance. Shinji relaxed, smiling as they continued their walk. The walk served as both a cooling exercise and a time of reflection for both. Before they ascended the stairs they carried out a series of stretches to keep them limber. The walk up the stairs was not pleasant considering their already tired state.

Swiping his ID, Shinji let them into the apartment, where everything was quiet. Shinji was only mildly surprised, as Misato was usually gone at this time of day. However, he was faintly suspicious of what Asuka was up to, considering that school did not start for another two hours.

"I'm home!" He called, receiving no response.

"Must have gone somewhere." Shinji said, shrugging.

Stepping into the kitchen, Shinji made up another plate for himself and one for Rei. Shinji had gotten into the habit of eating two breakfasts since beginning training with Sergey. One to help him get through said training without collapsing, and a second afterwards so that he didn't feel like he was starving when lunch finally arrived.

Handing Rei the plate, Shinji took his seat opposite from her and began eating. After a few bites he realized that Rei was not doing likewise. Glancing up, he saw that her eyes were focused on the living room. Shinji followed her gaze and found that Asuka was perched on the couch, her fiery, dead eyes fixed on Rei's cold ones.

"Oh," Shinji yelped, "Asuka, we didn't know you were here."

Asuka's eyes turned to him and Shinji felt distinctly uncomfortable as she regarded him. Despite those eyes, he saw that there was the faintest hint of strawberry syrup on the corner of her mouth. Shinji quirked a smile at that, causing Asuka's face to darken further.

"I need to take a shower." Rei stated, standing.

"But you haven't even started your breakfast!" Shinji tried.

Rei looked down at the food, then back up at him, "I believe I have lost my appetite."

Shinji sighed, "Take it with you, you'll be hungry after you shower."

Rei nodded silently and left with the plate. Shinji went back to eating, only to be interrupted by an annoyed clearing of the throat. He turned his attention to his new roommate, raising an eyebrow at her as she watched him with those dead eyes.

"I was watching you." She said.

"I can see that." He said.

"When you were fighting." She supplied.

Shinji felt slightly uncomfortable at that. His training sessions with Sergey and Colonel Dunham were some of the best times of his day. They were certainly difficult, and sometimes he wished the two men would let up, but he could feel the regard that both men held him in, and he worked hard to impress them. Having Asuka spying on him during that time felt akin to a violation.

"Are you going to eat?" He asked, quashing his feelings, an exercise which was growing more difficult with this girl.

Asuka continued to stare, "I told you, I'm on a diet."

"You missed a spot," He said, tapping the side of his mouth, "So I know you had some. In any case, you shouldn't be on a diet. I have a hard time making it to lunch sometimes, and that's with a second breakfast."

Instead of responding, the girl tilted her head, a bird regarding the worm it was about to pluck from the earth.

Shinji shivered, but continued, "I'm going to make lunch and head out. I'll bring some extra food for you. If you get hungry you know where to find me."

Asuka didn't respond, she simply watched him as he quickly got together his things. After a quick shower, Shinji escaped out the front door, leaving Asuka and the oppressive atmosphere of his apartment behind.

Rei answered he door before he even knocked.

"You are stressed." She said by way of explanation, "I could feel it."

Shinji nodded, entering as Rei stepped aside, "Asuka was really… creepy."

Rei nodded silently, following him into her living area. The plate which Shinji had sent with her was empty, much to his satisfaction. He tilted his head at it and raised an eyebrow at her.

"I was hungrier than I believed." Rei admitted, "However, Soryu-san has an unnerving affect. I believe she would have assaulted me in the females' locker room if I had not been as swift as I am."

Shinji's eyes widened in surprise. The admission of unease from Rei was as startling as the fact that there was somebody who was capable of eliciting such a response from his friend. While Rei was no longer the emotionless girl whom Shinji had first met, she was still an overwhelmingly calm person. Pushing past the cold logic by which she ruled her life was a feat which was usually only accomplished through the warmth of friendship.

"Are you okay?" He asked, hesitating as he reached out to her.

Rei stepped forward, allowing his hand to rest on her arm, "I am undamaged. I believe I will need to be vigilant in her presence though. While she appears to dislike you greatly, I believe that she holds a deeper animosity towards me."

Shinji was troubled by that, but simply nodded, "Misato is going to talk to Kaji-san, he might be able to tell us something about what is wrong with her."

"I have a theory." Rei said.

Shinji was surprised for the second time since entering Rei's house, "Oh?"

"Based on her instability," Rei said, "I believe that Asuka has encountered the man with the golden eyes."

Shinji stepped back involuntarily at that, "H-how can you tell."

"I cannot," Rei explained, "I just have a… feeling. I was under his power for a time, and Asuka, while still functioning on some level, is as dead inside as I was after my encounter with him."

Shinji sucked in a breath through his teeth, "That bastard…"

"It is just a theory though." Rei admitted, "It could very well be that she is just a raving narcissist with severe emotional instability."

"I could have told you that." Shinji grumbled, "But your theory bears looking in to. How exactly do we find out?"

"We could ask her." Rei said.

"Blunt," Shinji said, "But probably the best way to cut to the heart of it. Of course, if she has met him, it could cause her to go homicidal. I like my head where it is."

Rei nodded gravely, "I believe that would render you even more oblivious than you are now."

"So what do we do?" Shinji asked, the jab sailing past him as his mind raced.

"Have you tried… Connecting with her?" Rei asked.

"Well," He said, "I've tried to get her to talk to me. It's not really working that well."

"No," Rei said, "I mean _Connecting_ with her."

Shinji could hear the capital C in her word, "Oh… No, I haven't. Besides hitting me, Asuka hasn't touched me since we were inside Unit-02 together."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "Now that I think about it, Soryu-san seems to avoid physical contact at all times. I will continue observing her to see if this is coincidence or active effort."

The two departed shortly thereafter, making their way to school. They beat Hikari to the room, and were forced to wait for the girl, which was unusual, as she was normally there well before anyone else.

"Oh, hi you two!" Hikari called, approaching them, "Sorry I'm late, Asuka wouldn't stop texting me last night."

A yawn from the girl covered the incredulous stares that Shinji and Rei sent her.

"Ready to get to work?" She asked.

Shinji and Rei nodded silently, and the three of them quickly had the room prepped for the day. Now that the room was being taken care of every day there was little that needed to be done, except at the week-end deep cleaning, where other students were obliged to assist.

"How are things you two?" Hikari asked, "Do anything exciting over the weekend?"

Shinji shuffled in his seat, "Asuka moved in with Misato and I."

"Well that sounds li-" Hikari began, then did a double take, "What!"

Shinji watched his notebook morosely as it booted up, "Asuka and I are now living together."

Hikari looked over at Rei, who gave a confirmatory nod, then went back to reading.

"Is it really proper for you to be living with a teenager who isn't related to you?" Hikari asked primly.

Shinji stared at her incredulously, "Hikari, you don't think that I would…"

"I assume nothing Shinji Ikari!" She said, "You're an average teenage boy and she is a beautiful, charismatic young woman. Of course I worry about things like that!"

Shinji was dumbfounded.

"Well?" Hikari asked.

"I do not believe you need to worry about any manner of perversion occurring at the Katsuragi residence," Rei interjected, "Soryu-san has been sufficiently off-putting to prevent any sort of romantic entanglement."

Hikari turned to her, "It's the principal of the thing though!"

"Why don't you come over after school and run an inspection tour," Shinji offered, "Will that satisfy you?"

Hikari sniffed, "Only if you make me dinner."

Shinji grinned, "It's a date."

Hikari flushed at that and Rei stiffened slightly, then turned to regard Shinji with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" He asked, "That's what Misato says all the time."

Shinji was saved by the entrance of a couple students looking for help with their classwork.

XXXXXX

Asuka's meteoric rise to fame continued that day. At one point Shinji saw her tuck a large sheaf of papers, most likely notes from admirers, into her bag. She of course noticed him watching and gave him her patented cute girl smile along with a look as hollow as he knew that expression to be.

After school, Asuka and Hikari joined him and Rei on their usual walk home. The way that Hikari and Asuka chatted was almost physically jarring to the two other pilots. Shinji and Rei kept exchanged glances as they followed the more loquacious pair. Whatever intrinsic hatred which Asuka had for the two pilots was apparently absent when she was faced with anyone other than them.

"What do you say we read them when we get home!" Asuka proposed, "There should be plenty of comedic material in here!"

Asuka waved the sheaf of papers, which had turned out to be letters from admirers. From the size of the stack, it looked as if their classmates were intent on murdering every tree within walking distance of Tokyo-3 to fuel their idolization.

"Soryu-san!" Hikari burst out in scandalized tones, "Those are the words from the hearts of your classmates. You should treat them more carefully."

Asuka waved a flippant hand, "They're just words Hikari, right Shinji-kun?"

Turning to face him, Asuka met his eyes. Instead of being dead, there was a brightness to her eyes which further confused Shinji.

"I-I guess?" He stuttered, reversing quickly as Hikari glared at him, "I-I mean, Hikari is right, there is worth in the words of others."

Asuka pouted, then slipped the letters into her bag, "Fine, I'll read them later by myself."

Shinji looked over at Rei, who returned his quizzical glance with one of her own. It was almost as if they were dealing with an entirely different person right now. Arriving home, they piled into the apartment, where Hikari instantly began poking around.

"Find anything interesting?" Shinji asked, moving to the kitchen to do some dinner prep, although it would be several hours before he was ready to start.

"Does Katsuragi-san always hang her underwear in here?!" Hikari called back, sticking her head out of the bathroom.

"Ever since I've lived here." Shinji shrugged, "I think of it has her backup panty drawer, considering that she doesn't really use hers."

"How do you know that!" Hikari demanded.

"If I'm feeling nice I do her laundry," Shinji replied, pulling onions and chives from the fridge, "Otherwise it tends to pile up."

"Would you two stop yelling!" Asuka yelled, sticking her head out of her room.

Hikari looked a little abashed, but took the break to walk up next to Shinji, who was now cutting said onion. She placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

"I don't tell Misato how to live her life Hikari." Shinji said quietly, "She's already made a lot of changes to accommodate me and my idiosyncrasies."

"It's improper!" Hikari hissed.

Shinji set down his knife and turned to face her, "Why don't you go and check my room for her spare panties."

Hikari's mouth dropped open.

"You can't police my life Hikari," Shinji continued, "I understand that this is a change, and it is a little unnerving, but at some point you are going to have to trust me. So, what will it be, am I a closet pervert who is going to be driven to some mad act of perversion by this situation, or do you think I might just be able to keep my cool surrounded by two beautiful women?"

Hikari's cheeks flushed and she looked down, "I'm sorry."

Shinji chuckled, turning back to his onion, "I'm just glad you didn't take me up on that offer…"

Hikari grinned at him, "Oh, don't think you'll get out of this that easily. I have my eye on you Shinji Ikari."

She paused, then bowed to him, "But I do trust you Shinji, more than anyone."

Shinji smiled, "You'd better get to that evidence search before Penpen covers up all of my nefarious schemes."

Hikari squealed in delight as said penguin made an appearance. She rushed over to him and began petting him profusely and giving him hugs. The penguin accepted the attention as his due, or at least that is what appeared to be happening. It was hard to tell with penguins.

Shinji finished chopping and started working on some other vegetables.

"Whatcha makin'?" Asked a voice from beside him.

Shinji jumped slightly, but recovered quickly enough that he didn't cut himself or Asuka, whose head was intruding on his peripheral vision.

"Broth for some ramen," Shinji said mildly, "I promised Misato that we would have some."

"You're such a good domestic Shinji-kun," She said, her voice going syrupy, "Do you think the Angels will bow to your superior culinary skills when they come?"

"No," Shinji replied, his tone still mild, "But we won't make it to our next battle if we starve."

"That's your problem you know," She whispered, her breath tickling his ear and sending shivers down his spine, "Piloting is some kind of game to you, one of your little hobbies that you've picked up along the way. You don't take your job seriously."

"Because I believe that there is more to life than being a pilot?" He asked quietly, "Or because I care about people?"

Asuka tensed, then let out a light laugh, "You're ever so perceptive Shinji-kun. Be careful, those eyes could get you in trouble someday. As long as I am their protector, people exist to validate me, nothing more."

Shinji finished with the vegetables and their them in the pressure cooker he had recently bought, thankful that the movement got him out from under Asuka's morbidly exciting closeness.

"I think if you look deeper you'll find that people are much more than that." Shinji said, meeting her gaze through an effort of will.

It seemed Asuka had gone for comfort with her after-school attire. She was covered in a loose fitting cotton tee and a pair of shorts that would not have been out of place on a serious runner. She was entirely blocking the exit to the small kitchen, hands folded beneath her breasts in a way that pushed them up in enticing ways.

"Excuse me," Shinji said, trying to get past her, "I have weapons training with Colonel Dunham, and it is unacceptable to be late. I would not want you to think that I didn't take my duties as a pilot seriously."

With his eyes carefully on her face, Shinji saw the flash of irritation that broke through her superior air. When she showed no indication of moving, Shinji took the initiative and began to step close. When she realized that his intention was to bull past her, she gave way, a glimmer of fury lighting her eyes. When she tried to swat him across the head, she caught the offending limb.

"You got in your free shots Asuka-chan," He said pleasantly, "Don't ever hit me again."

Shinji pushed her aside, then continued forward, not ever looking back at the girl who was intent on making his life miserable.

"Hikari," Shinji addressed the girl, who was now stroking Penpen as she sat on the couch watching TV, "I'll be back in about an hour and half, don't let Asuka trash the place."

Hikari sent him a mock salute, "You can count on me oh venerated pilot-sama!"

Shinji left the apartment with a smile.

XXXXXX

Ryoji Kaji was lounging in one of the many break rooms which were scattered throughout the NERV complex. Cheap beverages were certainly a perk of working for the place, and he was taking full advantage of that, already working on his third can of iced coffee. He could have gotten some drip coffee for free, but the stuff honestly made his stomach curdle, and he had drunk entirely too much tea since returning to Japan for that to be an attractive option.

"There you are." Came a familiar voice, "If I didn't know any better I would say that you were avoiding me Ryoji."

Ryoji smiled to himself, then looked over at Misato as she settled down, leaving a good half meter between them on the couch. Kaji shifted closer, slouching even further and donning a sardonic expression.

"The inimitable Misato Katsuragi," He drawled, "To what do I owe this honor?"

Misato shifted slightly at his approach, but held her ground, fixing him with a glare, "I need information about Asuka."

Ryoji's smile didn't falter, but his eyes narrowed slightly, "You're the one living with her now, why don't you give me the inside scoop?"

"You've been with her for the past two and a half years Ryoji," Misato rebutted, "Shinji says that she hates him. I've noticed a few vocal and personality tics which I passed off as simple growing pains, but now…"

"You have great faith in Shinji-kun," Ryoji said, "Is he a good kisser then?"

Misato's face became a thunderhead, "I am his guardian Kaji. I know that your only goal in life is to get into my pants, but that is not the case for him. He's not even an adult!"

"Shinji Ikari is more of a man than most of the males of the human species," Ryoji said, "He's just stuck in the body of a teenager. He's very impressive, and I don't doubt that some of that can be attributed to your influence. Good work Misato, keep it up."

Misato flushed slightly at that, but pushed forward, "Stop sidetracking me, are you going to tell me about Asuka or not?"

Kaji sighed, then sent the empty coffee can sailing for the recycling. It missed and bounced to the floor, rolling to the side of the vending machine along with the other two which he had tried to throw. He blamed the overfilled status of the receptacle.

"What do you want to know?" He asked.

"This isn't the Asuka I knew," Misato said, "She's… darker. What happened to her?"

Kaji shrugged, "I've been away from her more than with her in recent memory."

"So you have nothing?" She asked.

"I didn't say that," He countered, "I just wanted you to know that whatever I tell you may not necessarily be the truth. It's just rumors and tidbits I've been able to pick up."

"So?" Misato demanded.

"Let's see," He muttered, "About a year ago I returned from a job that I was doing for NERV in France. When I got to Germany I noticed that something had changed about Asuka. I had been gone for four months, and in that time her personality had changed. She flirted with me less, although her antics weren't completely suppressed, and she had grown, as you noticed, darker."

"I started investigating into the cause for her suddenly jaded nature. Asuka had always been a pragmatist, but there had been life to her before that time. She would light up when someone would give her attention, especially if it was more than one person. She was still the life of every party, but as soon as she was alone with me, that façade dropped away."

Kaji took a moment to stretch, then dropped a hand close to Misato's hair, "It was like she lost all of her zeal for life. She was perfectly capable of going through the motions of social interaction, in fact, on some levels she was even better at getting people to do what she wanted them to. Even so, it was like watching the shell of a human, she was very good at acting the part, but if you looked closely enough at her eyes you could see that they were…"

"Empty." He finished, letting his fingers play with Misato's beautiful locks.

Misato casually leaned back out of his reach, "So, what did you find out?"

"I heard through the grapevine that she had been disappearing from base for almost the entirety of my absence," He said, "Nobody at home or at NERV was able to find out where she had been, but after the first couple of times people just left it be. She seemed happier during that time, in fact, many of the personnel were surprised at how kindly she treated them. She was still an arrogant narcissist, but she was also more aware of the needs of others around her, if that makes sense."

"That's it?" She asked, "What about her bodyguards, what did they find out?"

"Nothing," Ryoji stated, "They would just… lose track of her. After the first two sets were dismissed, and Asuka refused to divulge what she was doing, the administrator just gave up. Asuka seemed to be in higher spirits than ever, and they were willing to overlook some things if it kept her happy."

"Dereliction!" Misato growled, "How could they think that it was a good idea to let her go missing so much!"

"They didn't," Ryoji said, "They even tried confining her for several days. She went missing even then. I think it came down to whether or not they were willing to risk alienating Asuka, or just letting her do what she wanted. The girl already ran practically half of the place anyway, through either charm or intimidation. It honestly shouldn't have hurt."

"But it did." Misato said.

"Of course," Ryoji said, "But hindsight is 20/20. I heard that you all lost Rei for a time before the fourth Angel attacked. Tell me, did anyone see that coming?"

Misato lowered her eyes, "No."

"Then don't be so harsh on the people at Germany branch," He said, "They were dealing with somebody who was twice as independent, and orders of magnitude more volatile than Rei has ever been."

"So what should we do then?" Misato asked.

Ryoji shrugged, "I honestly don't know. The girl is caught up in her own world. Something or someone hurt her badly enough that she doesn't trust anymore, she won't hold a serious conversation with me that doesn't involve denigrating someone else. How do you help someone when they won't open up to you?"

Misato looked at her hand, then clenched it into a fist, "We need another angle of attack."

Ryoji smiled to himself as Misato strode away with purpose, eyeing her shapely figure through her uniform. Misato was certainly still a looker, though now there was something about her… a substance which he couldn't put his finger on. She was definitely someone worth looking up in the future.

For now, he had another job to do.

* * *

A/N: Good morning gentle readers,

I'm going to be travelling next week so I will have even less time for writing than I usually do. That said, the next chapter is actually about half done (I usually give myself a day or two between writing the last words of a chapter and editing. Gives a fresh perspective). So next week's chapter should be on time, but the one after may show up at midnight on Sunday.

Special thanks to all of my reviewers, whether guests or account holders, you are all special to me.

May you succeed in all your endeavors,

-Seratar


	24. Double Trouble

Better Angels

Chapter 24

Double Trouble

**Wednesday, 0300 hours, 14 days since Gaghiel**

Beep Beep Beep Bee-

Shinji rolled to the side, snatching up his phone and looking at it.

_Blue pattern detected, all pilots report to NERV immediately for briefing, this is not a drill._

Shinji leaped to his feet, throwing on a t-shirt and jeans, then hopped out of his room while trying to don socks at the same time. Misato was already awake as well, although she was hammering on Asuka's door in her pajamas.

"Asuka," She yelled, "We have to move!"

"I'm trying!" Asuka yelled back, "You think I would want to miss my debut fight?"

Shinji was in his shoes and bursting out the door. Kasumi was waiting for him, and quickly hustled him to the elevator past Sergey, who threw him a thumbs up and a grin as his own charge burst from her house. A woman with black hair was also waiting outside of Shinji's apartment, her eyes sharp with suspicion as she kept her eyes peeled in all directions.

In a minute, both Asuka and Misato burst from Shinji's apartment, and the woman joined them as they hustled to the elevator.

"Status!" Misato ground out, hammering the ground floor button.

"The Angel is approaching the eastern border of the district, it will be within artillery range in just under an hour and breach the outer perimeter in three." Kasumi supplied, "It's moving fast."

Misato nodded thoughtfully, the Angels had tried slow and powerful, now it looked like they were going for a blitz.

Each pilot was piled into a separate car and rushed to NERV via different routes, with Misato dropping into the seat next to Shinji.

"Hi Kasumi-san." Shinji said, "Lovely day for a drive isn't it?"

"The best!" She grinned, "Hold onto your panties kids, we can't let Sergey or Inara beat us."

"Since we have time wouldn't it b-" Shinji started, then gritted his teeth as Noble-2 gunned the engine.

Even Misato admitted that the ride to NERV was harrowing.

Piling out of the car, Misato and Shinji ran for the express elevator. True to their desires, Noble team and deposited their charges at HQ with a sizable lead on the other two, so they didn't bother waiting. After a stomach-churning descent, they were deposited in the command center.

"Get suited up Shinji," Misato ordered.

"On it!" He called over his shoulder, racing towards the lockers.

"Report!" Misato barked as she stepped onto the command platform which rose above the MAGI.

"It came out of nowhere ma'm!" Lieutenant Hyuga said, "We didn't even see it until it was well beyond the shore."

"How is that possible?" Misato demanded.

"We don't know," Maya replied, "As far as our sensors can tell, it just… appeared."

"Where is it now?" Misato asked.

"Passing the… that can't be right!" Lieutenant Aoba yelped, "It's just passed through the outer perimeter. Retargeting artillery on its position!"

"Baseplate this is Eagle leader," Came a voice, "We have confirmed visual on the target, it's moving fast."

"How fast?" Misato demanded.

"Around one hundred clicks ma'm," The pilot hesitated, "But it just kind of… appeared when we were on approach."

"What do you mean appeared?" Misato shot back.

"Just that," The pilot replied, "It wasn't there, then it was."

"Can you try to slow it down?" She asked.

"Roger, strap in ladies, we're going Angel hunting." Eagle leader replied.

Six F-26 Nighthawks screamed through the pre-dawn darkness, carving an arcing path around to hit the Angel from behind.

"Eagle squadron, prepare LRM12s for launch and fire four salvos at the target. N2 is not authorized, repeat, N2 not authorized." Came the voice of the leader.

Twenty-four points of flame burst into existence within five seconds, then the Nighthawks were curving away in an evasive pattern meant to throw off a targeting solution which the Angel might be drawing on them.

"Payload is away, impact in T minus three," Eagle leader called.

The missiles rushed into contact with the Angel. The bridge crew watched as the missiles closed in, their warheads preparing for contact eruption.

The Angel vanished.

The missiles, denied their target, streaked forward for another five seconds while attempting to retarget, then arced up into the sky, exploding at a distance which would cause minimal damage to the surroundings.

"Negative impact baseplate," Eagle leader called, "We've lost the target completely."

"Blue signature detected twenty clicks west of the old position," Lieutenant Aoba, "It's about to breach the inner perimeter."

"Shinji!" Misato yelled, slamming a hand on the communicator, "Are you ready to launch?"

"Just waiting for the LCL to finish filling my plug." He replied, "I'm ready!"

"Prepare for emergency launch of Unit-01," Misato yelled, "Where the hell are my other pilots?"

"They're being delayed by something," Makoto reported, "Phoenix team is being pinned down by gunfire just outside, Kraken just blew through an improvised barricade and they're grinding their rims due to damage. They should be here any moment."

"What is happening?" Misato whispered.

Asuka blasted out of the express elevator, sprinting for the locker rooms, her A-10 already nestled on her head.

"Unit-01 is ready fo-" Maya began.

"Launch!" Misato yelled.

The distant screech of a rail catapult was heard in the command center.

XXXXXX

Shinji dropped into his connection with the Eva, embracing it as deeply as he could. His tactical feed had been throwing out alarming information onto the surface of his plug the moment he was practically thrown inside by one of the technicians.

Coming to a sudden stop, Shinji felt the rails disengage. His body slumped forward before he caught himself, then he reached for the pallet rifle which had been waiting for him.

"Power cable is green, all nerve connections confirmed a go," Maya's voice came over his comm, "Pilot is at 72% synch rate. Shinji, how are you feeling?"

Shinji untangled his vocal cords from the Eva's and spoke, "Raring to go, what's the status of the Angel?"

"Closing fast Shinji," Misato said, "We've sounded the emergency shelter signal, but people are still trying to get to safety."

"Please tell me you put me between the Angel and them." He said.

"Two clicks out," Misato confirmed, "That was the farthest egress. It's closing from the east now. Execute engagement plan six, you need to buy yourself some time for Asuka and Rei to arrive."

Shinji turned to face the direction, seeing a lumbering figure climb over the mountains in that direction. Engagement plan six called for mid-range engagement with the pallet rifle, emphasis on avoiding a melee engagement unless the Angel itself initiated.

"I have a visual," Shinji replied, "Rifle safety off."

The verbal command caused the weapon to unlock as he raised it to aim through the holographic sight.

"You need to get its AT field first Shinji," Maya reminded him, "Hold your fire until then."

"Roger," Shinji said, "I'm moving up."

Nobody countered him as he crouched low, his power cable spooling out behind him as he moved closer to the attacker. Other than being massive, it was a mostly unremarkable Angel. Long arms dangled down to the point where they almost touched the ground, and a split mask rested over the red core which all Angels shared.

Extending his AT field, Shinji reached for the creature. The touch of the creature's own field was effervescent, seeming to slip and slide over his own solid defensive barrier. Shinji warily tried to match the forms, only to find that Angel's field fluctuated out of harmony with his as soon as he got a hold on it.

"It's altering its AT field somehow!" Shinji called, watching as it slowly began to descend to the base of the mountain, "I don't think I can neutralize it!"

"Working." Maya said, "Don't waste your ammunition on it right now, when it closes you should be able to-"

"Haaaaaiiiii" Asuka yelled.

The redhead launched herself ahead of Shinji, a sonic glaive spinning in her hands.

"Asuka pull back!" Misato warned.

Ignoring her, Asuka cackled madly as she closed with the Angel, churning up old buildings and dirt alike with her sweeping advance. It regarded her for a moment as her weapon came down on its hide.

It was gone.

Asuka's weapon crashed to the ground, sending boulders and trees flying away at to disintegrate on impact with their surroundings.

"Duck!" Shinji yelled.

The Angel had appeared behind Asuka, one arm sweeping forward. As if to be contrary, Asuka jumped, performing a backflip to send her power cable spinning away from the attack in a graceful arc. When she landed, the weapon came around again, this time severing the Angel's arm completely and digging into its side.

A twist and shove sent the Angel to the ground, where Asuka tore her weapon free, only to drive the glaive straight through the Angel's core with a decisive strike.

"Wow…" Shinji muttered.

"This is why you're nothing compared to m-" Asuka began, then froze.

The Angel writhed. Asuka tried to rip her weapon free, but it was stuck fast. In a moment, both glaive and Angel were gone. Instead, there were two of them, one on each side of Asuka. Swinging high and low, one which had taken on a green color wrapped thin, yet nigh indestructible fingers around her head and shoulder, while the other, now orange, swung the glaive, neatly dismembering Unit-02's right leg just above the knee.

"Gaaaaah!" Asuka screamed, "Bastards!"

"Cutting nerve links!" Maya called.

"I'm coming Asuka!" Shinji yelled, stomping forward, "Get down!"

Shinji opened up with the rifle, pushing his AT field out to maximum. If he couldn't neutralize the Angel's field with counter-harmonics, he might be able to hammer it down with brute force when he got close. Rounds punched into the sickly orange Angel on the left. It stumbled back, dropping the sonic glaive. Then it was gone.

Shinji reacted instinctively, diving forward into a roll and coming up with his weapon leveled behind him.

"Look out!" Misato yelled.

Too late, Shinji remembered that he wasn't fighting just one Angel.

Fingers wrapped around his rifle, tearing the weapon into three parts as Shinji's own grip failed to yield, spilling the remaining rounds all around him. Shinji left the useless remnants behind as he rolled backwards, coming up in a ready stance.

"Knife!" He yelled.

"Deploying!" Maya returned.

With a start, Shinji realized that he wasn't being attacked. Sweeping the area, he stopped when his eyes fell on Unit-02. The Angels were tearing at its back, almost as if…

The hatch which covered the entry plug of the unit soared through the air, crashing to the ground at his feet.

"Asuka!" He screamed, throwing himself forward.

The Angels were ready for him, dancing away as he closed. His first swipe almost took one, but it vanished from sight. Reacting again, Shinji whirled, his blade biting only air. The Angel had appeared just out of his reach. His attack set him off balance and the Angel, which had been waiting for this, dove forward, arms reaching.

A hail of gunfire and explosions tore into the Angel before it could reach him.

"Come on lieutenant, give 'em hell!" Eagle leader called as the Nighthawks swooped overhead, their gauss cannons pouring fire into the body of the Angel, its AT field being hammered down by Shinji's own and leaving it vulnerable.

The Angel vanished before Shinji could follow up the attack, but he suddenly had some breathing room. Whirling, he saw the two Angels standing just outside the range at which he could batter down their defenses. Though they had not retreated, they seemed almost… wary.

"Asuka," He called, "Are you alright?"

Frustrated screaming filled his comms as Unit-02 struggled to its knees, then began crawling towards the Angels.

"Fall back Asuka!" Shinji yelled, "You're in no condition to fight right now!"

"You won't take this from me!" She screamed back, continuing her advance.

"Misato!" Shinji yelled, keeping pace with the red Eva.

"Asuka," Misato said, "I am ordering you to retreat. Unit-02's hull is compromised, you need to return to base so that Unit-01 can fight without having to protect you!"

"Damn you all!" Asuka screamed, "This is what I was born to do! I won't let you take it from me!"

Misato glanced over at Maya, hesitating for a moment, then made a cutting motion with her hand. Maya nodded and typed in a short command. Out on the surface, Unit-02 staggered drunkenly, then fell forward, the light in its eyes winking out.

"The Angel is being cautious Shinji," Misato called, "Get her moving down evacuation route eighty-four."

"Yes ma'm!" Shinji replied, bending down to retrieve Unit-02.

As soon as he had her, the Angels attacked.

Coming in from both sides, they tried a similar tactic to what had initially taken down Unit-02, without the help of the sonic glaive. Shinji side-stepped into the orange Angel, accepting its embrace to bring Unit-02 down onto it like a piledriver. The two giants slammed to the ground, Shinji hoping that Asuka was unharmed by the event.

Cords of steel wrapped around Shinji's neck and left arm as the second Angel got its grip on him. Shinji fell back into the attack, throwing his head back to impact with the Angel before driving his other elbow into its body as they both crashed to the ground. In a moment it was gone, causing him to fall over a dozen meters to the ground where it had been.

Reaching up, Shinji caught a foot which was descending on his face, holding it back with the strength of Unit-01's body. A blow to the side caused Shinji to curl as the second Angel began methodically beating his body as he held back the first. Rather than try its own stunts, the first was content to keep his arms tied up in preventing it from crushing his head to a pulp.

Screaming, Shinji weathered the assault for several seconds before a blur of blue passed overhead, carrying the second Angel away from its assault. Grinning, Shinji shifted his grip on the leg and hurled the Angel into the ground, then rolled on top of it, driving his fist down towards its core.

It vanished, again.

"I am getting sick of this teleportation!" Shinji screamed in frustration, only to be hurled aside by a powerful kick which sent him spinning into a nearby building.

Unit-00 appeared over him, grabbing his arm and pulling him up.

"Watch my back." Rei said, placing hers against his, "They cannot come at a blind spot that we do not have."

Shinji nodded, his eyes scanning as the two Angels began stalking around them. In a blur they were on them, appearing in flanking positions. Shinji moved left and Rei went right, sensing the direction of Shinji's movement through their bond.

Shinji blocked high, catching a descending hammer blow and pushing back. His free hand drove forward, the powerful blow crashing into the mask that lay just above the core of the Angel. Rei caught the reaching hands of the Angel in her own and began to squeeze, the bones of the titan groaning under the stress.

Both Angels vanished, only to reappear, once again flanking. Rei and Shinji turned, striking out. For almost a minute this continued, the Angels appearing to strike, their attacks landing or missing, then teleporting away as the Evas retaliated. Shinji felt something tickling the edge of his senses, there was something about the Angels' AT fields…

"Shinji, Rei," Misato called, "We're sending a pair of rifles up on your position. Once you get them, advance together!"

An armory module burst from the ground, revealing the two weapons. Each Eva took one and they turned to face the Angels, which had paused when the weapons had arrived. As the Evas advanced, the Angels mirrored their action, backing up and staying just outside of Shinji's larger AT field.

"They've learned the range of my field Misato," Shinji said, "They're just waiting for-"

The Angels vanished.

"You've got to be-" Shinji yelled.

Rei's mind spun with calculations, and she whirled, laying down a barrage of fire as she realized what their target was. Two AT fields burst to life around the Angels, which had materialized over Unit-02 in an attempt to begin assaulting it again.

"They are trying to take pilot Soryu." Rei said calmly, loping towards the Angels as her round count swiftly dropped to zero.

Shinji followed, charging past Rei to close with the Angels.

"Reloading." Rei informed him.

Shinji opened up with his own weapon, praying that the clip would hold out until Rei was done.

"Unit-02 has lost contact with its plug!" Misato warned.

"Asuka!" Shinji roared.

In that moment the world slowed. The green Angel was intentionally standing before the barrage, covering the orange one as it extracted Asuka's plug from the Eva. Whatever they wanted with her, he had no doubts that it would end in her death. While he did not necessarily like Asuka, he was unwilling to watch her die.

Reaching out, Shinji wove his AT field into a web of light and darkness. He sent out a pulse similar to that which Ramiel used to locate their firing position, sending that web along with the pulse. He felt the slippery substance of the two Angels' own defensive field interlaced with that web. Then he clamped down.

Something tried to rip through that web, no it tried to tear through reality itself. In an instant he understood what they were doing, though he doubted he could replicate it. Instead, he simply chose to stop it.

"Hit them Rei!" He gasped out, "They aren't going anywhere."

Rei poured on the fire, then tossed her weapon aside, drawing her prog knife as she dove into the fray. Her grace was translated to the Eva's movements, sweeping, kicking and striking in a dizzying number of directions. The Angels, already caught off guard by their inability to jump to safety, fell back under the assault.

"Firing escape jets!" Misato called.

Asuka's plug expelled fire as it climbed into the air out of the orange Angel's grasp as it desperately defended itself.

"Painting her landing location!" Maya said, "Protect that spot you two!"

Shinji joined Rei's assault, driving the Angels back, then settling into defensive positions around the area that the Magi had predicted Asuka would come crashing down.

Back to back, the two Eva pilots watched as the Angels circled, their own masks unperturbed by their sudden change of fortune. An idea struck Shinji, and he reached out through the Eva, touching Rei's augmented soul with his own.

'_Let's do this.'_ He thought.

Rei reached back and the connection formed, four beings becoming one in a moment. The Angels attacked.

Shinji and Rei each met their respective Angel's rush, blocking, weaving, and countering in a way that would have brought a tear to Sergey's eye. Speed beyond that achievable by mere mortals flowed through them as they danced.

Rei drove her blade into her opponent, though it skidded across the core, leaving a crack along its surface. In return, it got a hold of her, its grip tightening like a vice. Suddenly Shinji was there, a powerful spinning kick driving the Angel off of her. In return she caught the second Angel as it went for the opening, driving it back with a powerful elbow strike, using Shinji's knowledge of its position to guide her.

Pivoting, the pilots engaged their new targets, pushing off of each other. Rei took her blade in both hands and drove downwards, this time her blow struck true, punching directly into the core of the Angel. Coruscating light flowed through the sphere, and Rei took it by the arm, hurling it towards Shinji.

Shinji dove forward, crashing into the legs of the orange Angel. As its center of balance wavered, the green Angel crashed into it, driving them both to the ground. Ungracefully, Shinji scrambled on top of the Angel and, holding it with both his legs and AT field, began twisting its arms to the side.

Rei flipped over Shinji's back as the orange Angel began reabsorbing its dead partner. Not waiting to see what would become of the mess before her, she drove her blade straight into misshapen core of the reforming Angel.

A shriek of agony and despair filled the plugs of the two. Shinji gripped his hands together and brought them down on the hilt of Rei's weapon, driving its hilt clean through the core of the Angel, shattering it and silencing that scream. In their open state, the two pilots felt a rush of something flowing out from the Angel, dissipating into the ether.

Breathing heavily, the two Evas regarded each other, then their pilots began to laugh, the connection between them fading. They had done it.

Tokyo-3 was safe again.

XXXXXX

Recovery crews had moved in the moment the Angel was dead to recover Asuka from her battered plug. While said teams were working on the badly damaged device, Unit-02 was evacuated by the expedient of having Unit-00 and Unit-01 move it to an evacuation point, where it was drawn deep into the bowels of the geofront and NERV HQ along with the assisting Evas.

Wading through a small ocean of LCL, Shinji and Rei got Unit-02 back into its restraints, where it was locked into place for the commencement of repairs. Only then did the two pilots take their own places and undergo the slightly unpleasant process of being extracted from their plugs.

Coughing up LCL over the side of the gantry, Shinji glanced over at Rei, who was wiping her face with a towel. When she saw him looking, she gave him a smile and wave before heading over.

"You were amazing!" Shinji said.

"Sergey will be pleased with your technique." Rei responded, drawing Shinji into an embrace.

They separated and laughed again before turning to regard the three Evas, leaning against the railing that separated them from the giants.

"I believe Soryu-san will be angry." Rei noted, her tone melancholic, even with the post-victory high that both felt.

Shinji sighed, "Yeah… I almost wish she had killed it with that first attack. I'm not entirely sure what will happen now."

"Perhaps she simply needs to be broken down before she can be built up?" Rei asked, "I have read that this is the case in some instances."

Shinji shook his head, "Misato told me everything that she could get from Kaji-san. According to him, she's already broken. What happened today will probably only make whatever psychosis she has even worse."

"So, what do we do?" Rei asked.

Before Shinji could think of an answer, Misato stepped onto the gantry, a grin lighting up her face and a pair of water bottles in her hands.

"Drink up you two," She said, tossing them the bottles, "Dehydration is a serious threat after combat. Good work, both of you!"

The two pilots smiled back at her and she leaned against the railing with them, "Why so somber?"

"We were talking about Asuka." Shinji replied.

Misato sobered at that, "She's going to kill me."

"What do we do?" Shinji asked, echoing Rei's own question.

"That will depend on how she is when we finally get her out of her plug." Misato said, her voice filled with no small amount of dread.

"I bet she was swearing up a storm…" Shinji offered.

"Something like that." Misato replied, her eyes distant.

She didn't have the heart to tell them that when she had left the command center the feed from Asuka's plug had been muted. Though the reason for said muting was not a tirade.

It was the laughter.

* * *

A/N: Good evening readers,

Thanks to everyone for all of your amazing reviews. I'm sorry that I haven't gotten around to responding to all of you, life has been busy, and I've honestly been super tired lately. I'll work through my backlog a bit tonight, and I'll probably start responding to reviews earlier than the posting of the next chapter to reduce the amount I have to do on days where I post.

Thanks for reading, and may you succeed in all your endeavors,

-Seratar


	25. Silence After the Storm

Better Angels

Chapter 25

Silence After the Storm

**Sunday, 1700 hours, 4 days since Israfel**

Shinji shuffled his feet, looking up at the building before him. He was certain that he was doing the right thing, but sometimes the right thing was also the hardest thing. No matter what Misato said, or what his brain told him, no one liked to be alone in a hospital.

Not even the infamous Asuka Langley Soryu.

Sighing, he pushed forward, striding through the sliding doors as they parted and flashing his ID to the woman at the front desk. She let him by without a second glance, his NERV ID granting him a great deal of latitude where visting hours were concerned.

The elevator moved painfully slow, and the package which he held in his hands was slightly warm, a warmth which seemed to spread over his entire body. He jumped slightly as the elevator stopped on floor four. He stepped out and moved towards H ward, swiping his ID over the reader to allow himself access.

A familiar face looked up as he entered.

"Shinji-kun!" Tamako Aida called out, "You came to see me at last! I thought you had forgotten me!"

"How could I forget such a face?" Shinji asked, sinking into the dance, "Or such eyes."

Tamako placed fingers on her cheeks, swaying slightly, "You're such a charmer Shinji-kun, what can I do for you?"

Shinji, his face slightly reddened from the exchange, glanced down the hall, "Is Asuka here?"

Tamako's face darkened slightly, "Yes, but she's being kept isolated, the poor thing."

"Is there a reason why?" He asked, "Did she get sick?"

Tamako sighed, "No, but there were a lot of men in suits who came by and talked to her about something or other. Even Misato came by, though she left with a thundercloud over her head."

"Any chance I could get in?" Shinji asked.

Tamako gave a surreptitious look around, then 'dropped' a keycard on the floor next to her station.

"Oh my," She said wistfully, "I appear to have lost track of my keycard to the isolation rooms. If someone were to find it, they would have access to any of the rooms on this level."

She locked gazes with him, "It would be a real shame if that were to happen. It would be especially bad if they made their way to the end of the hallway, the last door on the right, where Soryu-san was being confined."

Shinji nodded somberly, "I see. A shame indeed. I will be sure to keep an eye out for any such troublemakers and report them to you immediately."

She smiled brightly, "Thank you Shinji-kun, it's so lovely to see you."

Shinji felt his face heat again, "Y-you too Tamako-chan."

She winked at him and waggled her eyebrows, "You know, you could always come and visit Kensuke sometime. I'm off in an hour if you wanted to walk me home."

Shinji felt his cheeks redden, "I-I don't know…"

Tamako frowned, "Would you leave me to the rapscallions that wander the streets of Tokyo-3 Shinji? What would a helpless woman like me do if she were walking unescorted to her domicile?"

'_Don't you walk home by yourself all the time?'_ Shinji thought.

"O-okay." He relented.

She beamed, "Thank you Shinji-kun, I'll meet you outside afterwards. Don't keep a girl waiting, okay?"

He nodded, then moved down the hallway. A lot of things had changed since the last time he had seen Tamako. He had thought he was ready to face the vivacious nurse, but there was something about her… The woman radiated a kind of enthusiasm and warmth that few of the people in Tokyo-3 did. In fact, it was similar to the vibe the Kensuke gave off when he started talking about the things he loved.

As he approached Asuka's room, Shinji realized that the thing that Tamako loved most of all was people. It was as simple as that. What an amazing thing.

Swiping the card, he dropped it into his pocket before cracking the door.

"Asuka…" He ventured.

After several moments with no reply, he raised his voice a little, "I'm coming in!"

Answering silence greeted him as he slipped into the room. The lights of the room were off, but the windows on the far side cast bright sunlight into the room in bright squares. The steady beep of the heart monitor let him know that Asuka was still alive, undercut by the faintest whir as the medication pump at her bedside fed a bag full of liquid straight into the girl's veins.

Moving silently, Shinji approached the bedside. Even in sleep her face still a collection of hard angles overcast by a furrowed brow. The arm which was not covered by her blanket had a leather strap wrapped around it, connected to a chain which was attached to the rail of her bed.

A brief surge of satisfaction ran through his body, followed by deep shame. Reaching out, he hesitated, then dropped his hand to his side.

"Asuka?" He asked gently, "What have they done to you Asuka?"

Asuka's only response to his question was a slight tightening of her lips. Checking the IV bag, he found that she was being fed a fairly potent antipsychotic, which would explain her semi-comatose state. Sighing, he pulled up a chair next to her bed, setting his burden down on the bedside table.

"I used the internet to look up something that you might like," Shinji confided to the sleeping girl, "I'm not sure how well schnitzel will hold up until you wake up, but I figure that it will be better than what they are feeding you right now. I just… I thought you might like something from home."

He felt slightly awkward talking to someone who was unconscious, but he figured that it was probably the only time he would get to fit more than two sentences in edgewise around the girl.

"Hikari wanted me to drop off some worksheets," He said, "She tried to come by yesterday but they weren't letting civilians see you. Of course, I'm pretty sure that I'm not supposed to be talking to you either, but I have friends in certain places. I'll save the worksheets for when you get home, I figure you're dealing with enough right now."

Shinji fell silent, looking over his fellow pilot as she drifted in a drugged haze.

"It's funny," He said, "When Misato said that you were coming I was actually excited. I thought that things would be, I don't know, easier? I thought that having someone, a real professional, would make our fight a little more bearable. I know you've seen the tapes and have your own ideas, but I don't like to think about how close we came to losing this fight before you got here."

He hesitated, then looked over Asuka, out at the city, "The truth is that you're a kid, just like Ayanami and me. This situation is like a great big joke, and someone out there is laughing at the whole of it. I wish I could get my hands on the person who decided that this was our fate and beat him bloody."

Shinji's words drifted into the silence, eliciting nothing but a faint stirring in the girl. Pausing again, he reached out and took her bound hand in his. Strangely enough, as soon as contact was established, her own hand closed around his like a vice.

"A-Asuka?" He yelped, only to be greeted by silence.

After a minute of waiting, Shinji decided that she wasn't going to wake up. Closing his eyes, he breathed out, centering himself, then slipped into the darkness. Rather than a sea of calm, the world between worlds was a tempest. Surprised, Shinji fought to maintain the meditative state. Something was terribly wrong.

Reaching out to the presence beside him, Shinji felt a wall blocking him from touching Asuka soul. Gently, he tried to draw her out, but all he got were hints of emotions. Flashes of pain and anger, followed by sorrow and regret. Pressing harder, Shinji tried to break through, but was once again rebuffed.

Shinji opened his eyes. Asuka's teeth were clenched now, and his own hand was now turning blue from the sudden constriction exerted by her own. With a groan of pain, he squeezed back, releasing of the tension on his own.

"You don't trust anyone," Shinji said, "You don't even trust yourself, do you?"

No response.

He tried to pull away, but she had his hand locked down. Whatever was going on in her head, she was looking for something to hold on to. Closing his eyes, he reached out again, but rather than trying to push through to her, he settled outside of her presence, a hand resting on that wall that lay between them.

With an effort, he pushed whatever measure of peace he had managed to find within his own soul at that wall, then opened himself to whatever was leaking through. A drug-filled haze swirled through his mind, disconnected images and feelings riding waves of incoherency. He sat like that for a time.

Opening his eyes again, he saw that Asuka was less… tense. While her face was still all planes and angles, her hand had relaxed, and her breathing had deepened to true sleep, rather than the half-daze which had characterized her before that.

Shinji withdrew quietly, leaving the food in the hopes that it would still be palatable when she awoke.

Stepping out of the room, he checked his phone. Almost 1800 hours. Tamako was absent from the nurse's station, though he did give the on-duty nurse a wave before he left. Outside, he found Tamako waiting.

"Tamako-chan," He said, "I believe you may have dropped this."

He proffered her the access card which had been 'lost.' She graciously accepted it, then surprised him by grabbing his arm and pulled him in close for a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered, then stepped back, "Shall we go?"

Shinji nodded, his face burning from some kind of internal flame.

Taking his arm, Tamako led the way out of the hospital. She hummed softly as they walked, lending an air of surreal fantasy to the situation.

"Kensuke tells me that you are becoming a 'badass Evangelion pilot.'" Tamako said, interrupting her song.

Shinji jumped slightly, but managed to respond, "I-I wouldn't say that."

"I guess you'll just have to take his word for it then," She said, "I don't really like to watch the videos he puts together, but I do catch glimpses of them occasionally. It looks like you are doing well."

"I-I guess." Shinji inwardly cursed at his stuttering.

Tamako stopped, then turned to smile up at him, "It's okay to take a compliment for something you are good at Shinji-kun. There are a lot of people in the world who go to a job every day, complete their work, then go home to eat and sleep. You're more special than that Shinji-kun, your existence has meaning."

Shinji's eyebrows shot up, "Your existence has meaning too Tamako-chan!"

She smiled wistfully, "I'm happy that you think so Shinji-kun."

"But you don't?" Shinji asked, his discomfort evaporating with concern.

Rather than responding, she patted his arm and indicated that they had arrived at her apartment, "Would you like to come up for some tea?"

Shinji hesitated, looking at the building, then back at the woman who was holding his arm, "I-I… Okay."

"You should try to act a little more excited about invitations from pretty women Shinji," Tamako teased lightly, "You could make a girl think that you didn't want to spend time with her."

Shinji blushed, "I-It's not that"

"Oh," She said, "Are you busy? I wouldn't want you to be late for something."

"N-no!" He hastily denied, "I-I just… I'm not very good with people, that's all."

She smiled, "That's okay, I'm not very good at making tea."

"I could do it." He offered.

Tamako smiled, "In my own home?"

"I make things for Rei at her house," Shinji explained, "So it's not that unusual for me."

Taking his arm, she led him to the elevator, "How is she? I used to see her once a month, now I haven't seen her since… I think it was the last time you were in the hospital."

Shinji shivered, remembering the wounds he had taken facing Ramiel. He absently rubbed at his arm, which still occasionally grew numb, as if it were not there. He was grateful that the feeling of red-hot iron melting into his skin had finally faded. That had led to more than a few sleepless nights.

"Shinji?" She asked, her voice suddenly professionally calm, "Are you okay?"

Shinji shook himself, "Yeah, just… Remembering those times can be painful."

She nodded, "We were briefed by Akagi-san on the treatment of ghost pain."

"Wait," He said, "She called it something else… psychosomatic feedback syndrome?"

"Too scientific," Tamako said, "We just call it ghost pain."

"Wait, you said treatment…" Shinji trailed off.

"Mostly benzodiazepines and anti-convulsants," Tamako said, "If that's not enough, we just sedate you outright. The truth is that the only real treatment is time, especially time spent out of synchronization with your Eva."

Shinji nodded thoughtfully, "That would reduce the sympathetic nerve firing…"

"Enough!" Tamako said, "You promised to make me some tea."

Shinji nodded with a measure of chagrin as Tamako let him inside her apartment. Removing his shoes, Shinji looked around. The narrow hallway led towards a small living area and kitchen. Two rooms with closed doors were probably the living space of the Aida siblings. Entering the living area, he found several cushions set on the floor in front of a TV, which occupied the small cubby that was not taken up by the dining area or the door to the balcony. Overall, it was very… small.

"It's not much," Tamako said, "But it's what we can afford on my salary, plus the housing vouchers I get for being employed by NERV."

"You work for NERV?" Shinji asked suddenly.

"Legal made me sign several forms," She explained, "But basically, in order to interact with the pilots and work on them the way I do, I have to at least be contracted to NERV. There are only eight of us in the whole hospital who are allowed in wing 4H, besides any specialists, who have to sign forms at the nurse's station."

"Hmm." Shinji contemplated, "Interesting."

Without further ado, Shinji moved to the kitchen, quickly setting an electric kettle on to boil water while he sifted through several cupboards before finding some tea leaves. By the time he had found a teapot he realized that Tamako had retreated to her own room. Shrugging at her departure, Shinji quickly set the tea to steeping while he looked for sugar.

The sliding of a door caused Shinji to turn around. Tamako had reappeared in the hallway, her brown hair hanging just below her shoulders after being released from its usual imprisonment beneath her nurse's cap. A large white t-shirt and pajama pants adorned her body. With some surprise, Shinji felt himself relax. He had half-expected Tamako to appear in something as revealing as the clothing which Misato or Asuka would wear around the house and had prepared himself mentally to focus on her face. This was a nice change.

"See anything you like?" Tamako asked, twirling for him to take her in fully, "I'm sure that Misato-san is much more of a looker than I am."

"It's… nice." He said simply, depositing the teapot and a pair of mugs on the table.

Shinji, used to having Misato sit opposite him, was surprised when Tamako took the seat next to his, taking up her teacup and settling down take a sip. After several moments, she sighed contentedly and leaned back, setting down her cup.

"Thank you for coming over Shinji," She said.

"D-did you want to talk about something?" Shinji stuttered, taking a drink of his own tea.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "Are you nervous Shinji-kun? Afraid that I'm going to eat you now that I've got you alone?"

"N-no!" He burst out, then blushed at his stuttering.

"You're too easy Shinji-kun," Tamako laughed, "For all that you've grown, you're still just a kid when it comes to women. Relax, I'm not going to try and jump you. I'm sure that you have enough trouble with that at school."

Shinji shifted uncomfortably, "I don't really have time for anything like that…"

She smiled wistfully, looking into the distance, "I thought the same thing too when I was your age. Of course, I was also training to become a nurse at that point. We were placed in professional schools early back then, to help bring Japan back up to a modern standard. I was lucky enough to test out of hard labor, a lot of my friends didn't."

She turned and focused her eyes on him, "You shouldn't treat matters of the heart so lightly Shinji-kun. I don't think there is ever really a 'good' time to fall in love. It just happens. If you're not careful it will pass you by, and you'll be left alone."

"Did you… did you have someone you loved?" He asked tentatively.

She rested her cheek on a hand and looked past him, "Once, yes. We were living in Kyoto while I was working on my degree. He was… he wanted to marry me, he even agreed to take in Kensuke."

"And?" Shinji prompted.

"I was afraid," She said simply, "And then NERV offered me a position in Tokyo-3, so we moved back. I left without a second thought. I guess I didn't love him that much if I left him. It was just… things were so uncertain back then. He was just a laborer, and I didn't know if I would be able to find work in Kyoto with all of the new graduates. I wanted to be safe. He wanted to stay and care for his parents."

Shinji saw her clench a fist around her mug, "So I left him."

"I'm sorry." Shinji said, feeling the emptiness of the statement.

"Just hold me you idiot." Tamako whispered.

Shinji hesitated, then closed his eyes and pretended it was Rei. Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her close so she could rest her head on his shoulder. He felt more than saw the silent tears occasionally working their way down her face.

Several minutes passed before Tamako took a deep breath, straightened, and turned a bright smile in his direction.

"Thank you Shinji-kun." She said, her eyes still slightly red, "You're probably needed at home."

Shinji decided to throw caution to the wind, "Why don't I make you dinner instead?"

Tamako raised an eyebrow, "I'm not _that_ vulnerable right now Shinji. I fully intend to sleep by myself tonight."

Shinji blushed furiously, "N-not that! I just… I thought I would try something new, and Misato is terrible at new things."

She smiled, "So smooth. Are you sure I haven't seen you at a club somewhere?"

"N-no!" Shinji gulped.

"It's a date then!" She smiled, "What were you planning on making for me?"

"Sergey, he's the big Russian who sometimes guards Rei, is always telling me of the wonders of his grandmother's borscht," Shinji explained, "I thought I would try to make some for him, but I need to test it first."

"So you want to experiment with me?" She asked, her voice slightly husky.

"Uhhhhh." His mind blanked.

Tamako laughed, pushing him to his feet, "Let me change and I'll come to the store with you."

Shinji clamped his mouth shut as Tamako danced out of the room, sliding her door shut behind her. There was something unnerving about the way that Tamako went from depressed to flirtatious. As he contemplated that, Tamako reappeared in jeans and a tank top. Grabbing his arm, she led him to the front door.

"Come one Shinji-kun," She said, "Russia awaits us!"

Shinji decided that it was not so bad.

XXXXXX

Shinji had the presence of mind to call Rei and ask her to help Misato prepare dinner. Between the two of them it was only probable, not certain, that Misato would wake up with stomach cramps.

"Are you in peril?" Rei asked.

"No, just making dinner for Tamako-chan." He replied, looking through a rather small selection of beets, "Are you up to it? Asuka isn't home yet."

"I am capable," She replied, "Is Aida-san well?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied, "I just met her when I went to see Asuka and decided to hang out for a bit."

Silence.

"Rei?" He asked.

"How was Soryu-san?" She asked.

"Not good," Shinji admitted, "They have her on anti-psychotics, so…"

"Would it not be better to leave her care to the physicians?" Rei asked.

"Honestly, no," Shinji replied, picking several beets and dropping them into his basket, "I think you of all people should know how NERV makes its pilots 'combat capable.' I know you don't like her, in fact, I'm not her biggest fan either, but we pilots have to stick together. We're all each other has."

"I believe that we have Hikari, Suzuhara-san, and Aida-san." Rei noted.

Shinji paused, looking over at Tamako, who was browsing other vegetables, "And some others too. Look, I think Asuka is just as alone as we were."

"You Connected with her?" Rei asked.

"Not exactly…" Shinji hesitated, "I'll tell you when I get home. Misato too."

"I understand," Rei said, "Please be cautious, you may not be fully recovered from fighting the Angels."

"Noble team has my back," He said, glancing out the window, "Seven just waved at me through the window. I'll see you tonight."

Rei's end of the line cut off. Shinji chuckled, he would have to remind her that it was customary to bid someone farewell before hanging up the phone. In a lot of ways Rei was a very different person from when he had first met her. In other ways, she was still just… Rei.

Sometimes that was good though.

"I think we have everything!" Shinji called to Tamako, who turned around, shooting him a beaming smile.

"Perfect!" She reached for her purse.

Shinji dodged over to the counter and pulled out his card, "Can you charge my account?"

The shopkeeper, an elderly woman, nodded as she quickly tallied up his items.

"Shinji…" Tamako tried.

Shinji held up a hand, "I-I don't know a lot of things about dating, but I do know that the person who asks is the one who pays."

"It's good to see young love in the city these days." The woman mentioned, shooting them a smile.

"W-we're not-" Shinji began, then suddenly cut off as Tamako grabbed his arm, hugging it to her chest.

"He's just shy grandmother!" She smiled, "We're definitely on a date, Shinji-kun is making me dinner."

"Oh-ho!" She laughed, "You had best keep this one Tamako-chan."

"W-wait!" Shinji yelped, "This is your grandmother!"

"Not exactly," Tamako replied, "She just runs the store that I shop at."

Shinji looked at the two of them, then quietly completed his purchase as they smiled at each other with knowing eyes.

"I hope to see you again, boyfriend of Tamako-chan!" The woman called as he left, leaving Shinji flushing.

"You did that on purpose," He muttered, heading towards Tamako's apartment.

"Only a little," Tamako replied, catching up to him, "Besides, is it really so bad to be seen with me?"

"N-No!" Shinji shot back, "But it's something else to lead someone on to think that I'm your boyfriend…"

Tamako sighed, "I'm sorry, you're right. It's just… I'm having a lot of fun being with you Shinji. It's been a long time since someone took me out on a date, and I don't think anyone has ever cooked dinner for me before, besides Kensuke."

He turned to face her, that sad look was back on her face.

"Maybe just for tonight you could be my boyfriend?" She asked, "It would be… I won't hold you to anything. I've just been sad, and when I saw you, things just felt right."

Shinji glanced in either direction, though nobody was there at the moment besides Noble team, who were keeping a surreptitious distance.

"Just tonight?" He asked, "Just until after dinner?"

Tamako's face brightened in a way that made Shinji's heart skip a beat, "Yes!"

"I…" He hesitated, "I can do that."

Tamako was on him, her arms wrapped around his middle and head buried in his chest. For the first time he noticed that there was a faint scent of sandalwood around her. Either a perfume or a shampoo she used. In either case, it was definitely a contrast to the antiseptic hospital smell which he usually associated with her.

"Erhm…" He said, "Maybe we should get back before my bodyguards think you're attacking me."

Noble-7 was hurrying towards them, a hand on his weapon. Shinji quickly shot him a grin and he slowed to a halt, then flashed a grin and a thumbs up in return. Tamako glanced over at him as he began scanning their surroundings, checking for hidden threats.

"They're awfully serious." She noted.

"We just recently found out about some people who are looking to hurt the Eva pilots," He said, "Rei and Asuka were delayed during the last engagement due to their actions. Noble team has been a little… anxious about my health since then."

"Who would want to try and hurt you?" Tamako asked, taking his arm and turning him towards her apartment.

"Besides the Angels…" Shinji hesitated, "I'm not really sure."

A man with golden eyes flashed in Shinji's mind as he spoke the lie. While he had no proof, he was almost certain that the attack during the previous Angel's approach had been orchestrated by that man and his servants. Come to think of it, the man wasn't really a man, he was something like Nii-san had been.

'_Why couldn't you tell me more about yourself Nii-san?'_ He wondered _'I might have known what to do about this guy…'_

"Now you're starting to look serious," Tamako teased, "I think you're supposed to smile when you have a girl on your arm."

Shinji blushed at that and gave her a smile that Rei would have been proud of.

"So mysterious!" She squealed, "I love it."

They chatted idly, Shinji's face maintaining its reddened state until Tamako released him at her door to let them in. Shinji sent her away while he began his work. Working quickly, he had the beets grated and the lamb searing before the broth was even boiling.

"Smells good!" Tamako called, "I'm getting changed again, no peeking!"

Tamako tossed him a wink as she stepped into her room. Fortunately for the blood vessels in Shinji's face, he was too busy cooking to notice. With everything prepared, he dropped the remaining ingredients in with the broth and set it to simmer for several minutes, then began working through the cabinets to find a pair of bowls and utensils.

By the time Shinji had everything prepared Tamako had reappeared in her shirt and pajama pants, which Shinji now assumed was what she wore to bed at night.

"Ahhhh!" Tamako exclaimed over the bowl, "Katsuragi-san is so spoiled to have you as her roommate and personal chef!"

Shinji shrugged uncomfortably, "I'm used to cooking for a household of two, so it was no big deal when I got roped into handling things when I moved in."

"Even so," Tamako said, "This isn't common fare, it's almost like I'm in a restaurant!"

"Why don't you taste it first…" Shinji mumbled, taking up his own chopsticks and contemplating how he was going to eat the soup.

Tamako picked up her bowl and took a sip of broth, her eyes growing wide, "Delicious!"

Shinji smiled, then tried some of the lamb. It was good too, although at the price that lamb had cost him, he would have been severely disappointed if it had been anything less than divine. They settled in to eat, and silence was their companion for a minute before Shinji's brain finally brought something to his attention.

"Where is Kensuke?" He asked suddenly.

Tamako grinned, "He took advantage of the long weekend to go on one of his little camping trips."

"Kensuke likes to camp?" Shinji asked.

"Well," Tamako tapped her chin, "It's not so much camping, as preparing to face some sort of societal collapse. I think Kensuke was born twenty years too late."

Shinji saw a slight hollowness in her eyes at that. Shinji realized that Tamako would have been around eight years old when the first impact occurred. Whatever chaos had ensued during that time would have touched her. Although the Tokai region had been relatively safe, relatively was a poor descriptor for the Japan which had suffered under the effects of that incident.

"Tell me about Kyoto." Shinji offered, trying to pull her mind away from that time.

Tamako smiled, "It was amazing really. Have you ever seen a forest the year after a wildfire?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Ah, of course not," Tamako said, "I'll do my best to explain. I was accepted to the nursing institute there a couple years after everything had stabilized. The number of people there was amazing! There were students, laborers, professors, and professionals. All manner of people were flocking to the remaining cities of Japan to try and rebuild. The city quickly grew to twice its size, there was almost a food shortage, but the changing weather allowed farming to occur more quickly, and there were UN shipments of food going to all of the island countries of the world."

Her eyes were distant, "On my days off, and those were rare, I would just sit at the window of our apartment and watch the people go by. A lot of people say that the second impact broke Japan, but I think that what really happened was that it awoke something inside of everyone. Some people just gave up, but many others refused to yield."

"Everybody moved with purpose then," She explained, "It was like the rebuilding of Japan had swept us up in its current, and we were being carried toward something amazing! Tokyo-3 was already under construction, so there would be literal caravans of people departing every day to get to work on setting it up."

"It sounds… hectic." Shinji admitted.

Tamako laughed, "On most days it was the worst! You're pretty tall Shinji, so I imagine you would have been fine, but I'm short enough that some days I had to literally swim to get to class."

Shinji grinned at the image of Tamako desperately battling her way through a crowd to get to school, "I-I'm sorry I missed it all."

Tamako looked at his melancholic face, "I'm sure you were doing your part Shinji. Even if you weren't, you would have been what… eight or nine? In any case, you're certainly doing enough now that I wouldn't begrudge you a carefree youth."

Shinji didn't respond to that, just moved his chopsticks through his borscht. Tamako noticed his sudden somber mood and the smile dropped from her face.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I-It's nothing." Shinji said, "Just memories of the past."

"You can tell me." She said.

Shinji shook his head, "Not this one Tamako-chan. Like piloting Eva, the topic of my past is my burden to bear. I… I should go."

"Wait." Tamako said as he stood up, "Can I show you something?"

Shinji hesitated, then nodded his assent. Tamako disappeared down the hall for a moment, then reappeared with a length of fabric.

"You probably don't ever see it," She said, "But if either of us is home when an emergency drill occurs, we make sure to put this out on the balcony before we go."

Shinji followed her curiously as she hung the material over the railing. He could tell that there was some kind of writing on it, but couldn't make it out from his vantage.

"Go ahead," Tamako gestured, "I won't let you fall."

Shinji moved up to the railing and leaned over to read the banner. Tamako stood next to his, her hip brushing his as she looked out across the city as the sun set behind her building. He decided that the hand resting on his lower back was definitely there for leverage in case he tipped forward.

After a few moments, Shinji felt his eyes prickle slightly as he finished reading the banner.

_We're counting on you Shinji Ikari, #1 Eva pilot of Tokyo-III!_

_PS. Kick some ass! -K_

"Kensuke has some strange ideas." Tamako said, "But his heart is in the right place."

Having straightened up, Shinji realized that Tamako was still touching him, in fact, her hand had moved from his back to his hip. Looking over at her, he realized that her face was very close.

"Thanks for the good time Shinji." She breathed softly.

Shinji felt his heart pick up a pace as his entire body locked up.

"Maybe next time I'll let you kiss me goodnight." She said, then stepped away from him, turning her face back towards Tokyo-3.

XXXXXX

Tap

Tap

Tap

The sound of Shinji's footfalls were a counterpoint to silence of the night around him. Checking his phone, he decided that he had better stop delaying and head home. It had been nice to walk around by himself for a while, but he was certain that Misato and Rei would be missing him by now.

"I'm home!" He called, stepping into the house.

Misato glanced over the back of the couch and gave him a wave as he entered the living area, "Hey Shinji!"

Rei's head appeared as well, "Shinji."

"How'd it go?" He asked.

The two women on the couch glanced at each other, then Misato burst out laughing, while Rei smiled noticeable wider than she usually did.

"We should be asking you that!" Misato chortled, "On a date with a nurse! And Tamako at that!"

"Eh!" Shinji yelped, "How did you know!?"

"I have friends in noble places," Misato said, "You should really give up on the thought that you have any real privacy. Did Tamako have any fetishes?"

Shinji's face darkened, "Pervert!"

Misato laughed uproariously, then patted the couch between her and Rei, "Come tell us how your date went Shinji-kuuuuuun."

Fuming, Shinji stalked into his room to quickly change into his house clothes. Grudgingly, he took his position between the two humans with whom he was closest in the world.

"Soooo?" Misato prompted, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Shinji's dour look turned serious as he looked at her, "I want to talk about Asuka."

* * *

A/N: Good evening gentle readers,

Thank you to those who left me signed and guest reviews, they pushed me through to the completion of this... irregular chapter.

May you find success in all of your endeavors,

-Seratar


	26. Beautiful Burning

Better Angels

Chapter 26

Beautiful Burning

**Sunday, 2200 hours, 4 days since Israfel**

"Awww, you're not fun Shinji-kuuuun." Misato said.

"I need you to be serious right now," Shinji said, "Both of you. Misato, why is Asuka being kept in isolation, and why is she chained to her bed?"

Misato sobered, "First, Asuka had a psychotic break after we retrieved her from her plug. She broke the arm of the technician after he cut her out of her damaged plug. Second, Asuka is under some pretty heavy scrutiny right now by the upper echelons because of her inability to follow orders. They were willing to let a lot of things go in Germany because of her unique status, but right now we're in a war zone Shinji. Her actions were unacceptable for a soldier."

"We're not soldiers!" Shinji retorted, "We're kids!"

"_Lieutenant_ Soryu," Misato emphasized the title, "And Rei are trained combatants. While you yourself enjoy a certain amount of latitude due to your exceptional circumstances, those two are expected to behave in an orderly manner during combat engagements."

Rei nodded in confirmation when Shinji looked to her, "I have undergone mental conditioning to prepare me for combat situations where my judgement may be impaired. If I were injured I would attempt to execute Captain Katsuragi's commands rather than fall back on my own judgement."

"So are you going to fire her then?" Shinji asked.

"That isn't my call," Misato replied, "But I _have_ recommended a psychological evaluation and therapy."

"And?" Shinji asked.

"Under review." Misato said, sighing, "Just like your case."

"So the- wait, what?!" Shinji yelped.

"Not too long after you came to live with me I recommended that you be evaluated for mental illness and treated accordingly." Misato said, "My request is still pending."

Shinji stared at her, "You thought I was crazy?"

"I thought you were depressed," Misato corrected, "And Ritsuko had you put on suicide watch, that's why we slept in the same room that one night. I liked you back then Shinji, even though I didn't really know you, but I also wanted you to be ready for what was to come."

"So you were going to ship me off to a mental facility and bring me out to fight when I was needed?!" He practically yelled.

Misato glared at him, "I wanted to get you the help you needed! I never would have let them take you away from me, not back then, and not now!

"Then why won't you do the same for Asuka?!" Shinji growled, shifting tactics, "Do you honestly believe that keeping her in isolation is going to help her mental state?"

"I don't know!" Misato yelled, "It's what has been ordered, and nobody with any degree of psychological knowledge has stepped forward to contradict it."

"Can you at least try to get her out and get her… Home?" Shinji asked, his voice gone quiet.

"She's sick Shinji," Misato tried, her voice soothing, "What happens if she gets home and decides to take a knife to either of us? Are you willing to risk that?"

Shinji hesitated, then looked at Rei, who was showing subtle signs of discomfort, "Rei?"

"I believe that Shinji is right," Rei said, "Isolation has a… deleterious effect on the psyche. Due to our physiology Shinji and I would be capable of sleeping in rotations to make sure that Asuka was never given the opportunity to harm either of you. I could be available from midnight until morning."

"What about herself?" Misato asked, though her voice sounded intrigued, "She could easily hurt herself if you aren't in the room with her, and I doubt she would let Shinji watch her sleep."

"Our plugsuits contain miniaturized monitoring equipment," Rei supplied, "She could be equipped with a subdermal device to track her physiology and alert us to any irregularities."

"That is…" Misato began, "Surprisingly well thought out. I thought you would be opposed to this Rei."

Rei hesitated, then locked eyes with Shinji, "My feelings for Soryu-san have not changed, however, I believe that it would be a betrayal of Shinji's trust in me if I were not to do all in my power to back him."

"So cute…" Misato whispered, her eyes going starry.

Rei turned back to her, "Aside from that, I do not believe the Marduk Institute has identified the fourth child. We cannot afford to lose pilot Soryu. Yet."

"Not so cute…" Misato mumbled.

"Now," Rei said, "I am interested in hearing about Shinji's date with Tamako-san. Misato, if you would present our case to the Commander?"

"Of course!" Misato said, then turned to Shinji, "Soooooo?"

Shinji sighed, "You two are worse than a pair of gossiping aunts."

XXXXXX

**Monday, 1200 hours, 5 days since Israfel**

Shinji hummed to himself as he walked across the grounds of his school, the bustle of the students around him luring him into the illusion that he was leading a normal life. The resilience of his classmates always amazed Shinji. Last week they had been crammed into emergency shelters after being awoken in the middle of the night to wait out another attack on the city. Today they were laughing and chatting as if nothing had occurred.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Hikari asked, coming up beside him.

Shinji jumped, "Hikari! You've gotten stealthy…"

Hikari smiled, "It wasn't hard, with that look on your face I imagine that even Kensuke could have snuck up on you."

"I thought Kensuke was kind of sneaky…" Shinji murmured, then turned to his friend, "What exactly did you say?"

"It's a phrase we learned in English class, dummy." She replied, "I thought you were the school's super-ultra-genius."

"That's definitely Kensuke." Shinji replied.

"You're too modest," Hikari said, "To the point of self-deprecation. It's not very attractive when you take it too far."

Shinji blushed, "I-I'm not trying to be attractive!"

Hikari shook her head, a smile coming to her lips, "You should probably try harder to not do so then."

"What?" Shinji asked.

Hikari pointed at a group of girls sitting together for lunch on the grass, "Notice anything about their hair?"

Shinji narrowed his eyes, looking at them for a moment, then shrugging, "Not really."

Hikari sighed, "You're so oblivious. Look at the color of the accessories that they are using."

Shinji quickly made an inventory of their headgear, "They seem to like purple a lot."

"I think they noticed that you were staring." Hikari noted as the girls suddenly started giggling and throwing them glances.

Shinji felt his face flush darker as he turned his head away, "I-I didn't mean to…"

"How many of those girls do you think have seen the videos the Hy8rid puts up?" Hikari asked, referencing the videos Kensuke cut and leaked to the public after every battle.

Shinji shrugged, "Probably all of them. I still don't se-"

"How many of them do you think know that you are a mysterious transfer student who showed up just as the purple Eva was deployed?"

Shinji stopped in his tracks, "You don't think they…"

"Of course they know who you are dummy!" She laughed, "We've had this discussion before, people know who you are, even if nobody can officially prove it."

"That still doesn't explain the accessories." Shinji noted.

Hikari sighed, "Let's head over to our spot. Keep an eye out for accessories and use that wonderful brain of yours to draw some conclusions."

They walked together, Hikari occasionally pointing out something that she thought Shinji might have missed. When they finally reached their bench, Rei was waiting for them.

"Conclusions?" Hikari asked.

"Well," Shinji said, "I think the girls at school may need to find more accessories, they are all wearing purple,-"

"-Blue,-" He continued, turning to greet Rei, whose hair caused the last piece of the puzzle to click into place.

"-And re-" Shinji froze.

"I knew you would finally get it!" Hikari chimed, "I'm so proud of you Shinji!"

"Are you well Shinji?" Rei asked.

Shinji turned to face Hikari slowly, "They're wearing the colors of their favorite Evas."

"Ding-ding-ding!" Hikari announced gleefully, "One-hundred points to Shinji Ikari!"

"I believe Asana-san was wearing a purple bra last week." Rei noted.

"W-What!?" Shinji yelped, jumping backwards.

"With green highlights." Rei continued mercilessly, "She received several compliments on it while we were changing for P.E."

"Why are you telling me this!" Shinji yelled, pointing at Rei.

"I am simply providing additional," Rei paused, a subtle glint in her eyes, "Data points."

"I don't believe you when you say it like that!" Shinji retorted.

"So how is that anonymity working out for you captain subtlety?" Hikari asked, a grin plastered to her face.

"Wait…" Shinji paused, looking at his friend, "is that a purple ribbon in your braid?!"

Hikari blushed bright red, "M-maybe! But that's not important! I get a pass because I know the pilot personally!"

Shinji swung to face Rei, whose hair was…

"Is your hair longer?" Shinji asked suddenly.

Rei absently brushed her locks, then a look of surprise crossed her face, "This will require further research…"

XXXXXX

Unsurprisingly, it was very difficult for Shinji to look Sute Asana in the eyes when she and her friends appeared to ask for tutoring after school.

Outside classroom 1-A, Hikari leaned against the window, listening with a wistful smile as Shinji's voice animatedly explained something about mitochondria.

"I have a question Hikari." Rei said from beside her.

Hikari gave her a sidelong glance, "What is it?"

"What does it feel like to…" Rei hesitated, then looked down, "To love someone."

Hikari raised an eyebrow, "Is there something you want to tell me Rei?"

Rei hesitated again, then spoke, "Shinji recently expressed his… his love, for Captain Katsuragi."

Hikari's eyes widened, "Isn't she a little old for him?"

Rei leveled a cool gaze at Hikari, "If you are implying that they are engaged in sexual relations, then you are wrong."

"Oh, so like, friends?" She asked.

"I… I do not believe that encapsulates it." Rei said, "You have two sisters Hikari, what does it feel like to love them?"

Hikari cradled her chin in one hand as she thought. The truth was that she rarely thought about the bond that she and her sisters shared. Nozomi was certainly a bundle of joy, but she also had the capacity to be extremely annoying. Kodama on the other hand, Kodama was in all honesty more like a mother than an older sister.

"It's," It was Hikari's turn to hesitate, "It's like, having someone who can drive you crazy with all of the weird choices they make, but you want to be with them anyway. It's someone who you could sit in the same room with and feel comfortable, even if you're not talking. It's just… It's like having someone who you can just be yourself with. Does that make any sense?"

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "I believe so. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me Hikari."

Hikari was surprised when Rei bowed deeply to her, "Th-that's okay Rei, no need for that!"

Rei straightened up, "I have recently discovered that gratitude should be expressed when a great lesson is taught. Is this incorrect?"

"No, it's just," Hikari paused, "It feels strange having you bow to me. A simple thank you would have been fine."

Rei nodded solemnly, "I thank you once again Hikari. May I ask you another question?"

"Certainly." Hikari replied, giving up on trying to teach social niceties for the day.

"I have heard that it is acceptable for girlfriends to link arms in public," Rei said, "Is this true?"

"I suppose," Hikari said, "Although I wouldn't know from experience."

Hikari's eyes widened and her body tensed as Rei slipped her arm through Hikari's own, lightly pressing herself against Hikari's side. The portion of Hikari's brain which was not stunned noted that while Rei had a reputation as an ice queen, she radiated a comforting warmth up close.

"Would you prefer if I stepped away?" Rei asked.

Hikari slowly shook her head, "No."

"Thank you."

XXXXXX

**Tuesday, 1800 hours, 6 days since Israfel**

"Are you ready for this?" Misato asked.

Shinji bustled around the kitchen, only half-listening to his guardian, "Of course. Honestly, with all of the bureaucracy that usually surrounds decisions made by NERV, I'm surprised that this one went through so smoothly."

"Maybe nobody else wanted to deal with her…" Misato mumbled, then spoke up, "Did you sign all of the requisite forms?"

"I even read them," Shinji said, "Pretty heavy stuff."

"Still willing to go through with it?" Misato asked, "I can have Phoenix team turn around with a single phone call."

Shinji paused, drying his hands and stepping up to the counter that separated him from Misato, "Someone has to take responsibility, and it has to be somebody who cares. I don't like Asuka, but I think she deserves more than what NERV is giving her right now."

"I'm proud of you Shinji." Misato said, "You're becoming an excellent leader."

Shinji blushed and lowered his eyes, "I-I wouldn't say that, we're all just pilots."

Misato reached across the counter and brushed some hair from his eyes, "A leader doesn't always outrank you. Sometimes it's just somebody who gives half a damn and tries to do something about it. I'm a little embarrassed that you're the one who got this whole ball rolling, it really should have been me."

"It just wasn't right…" Shinji muttered, still embarrassed by Misato's declaration.

Misato came around the counter and gave Shinji a quick hug before pulling back, "I think that's what I love most about you Shinji. Never lose that."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

"You want me to get that?" Misato asked.

Shinji glanced over at the okonomiyaki which was finishing up. Weighing his options carefully, he decided that it would be better if Misato didn't have the chance to destroy Asuka's homecoming dinner.

"Why don't you get it," Shinji said, "I'll have plenty of time to talk to her when she gets inside."

"Still don't trust me at the stove?" Misato asked.

Shinji grinned, "I've seen you burn top ramen Misato."

Misato grumbled something about ungrateful brats as she headed down the hall. Opening the door, she was greeted by a section two agent, who quietly took the paperwork which Misato handed him. With a nod, he stepped aside, revealing a disheveled Asuka, her eyes lowered and lacking their characteristic fire.

"Make sure she takes these twice a day," The man said, handing her a bottle of pills, "They should make her easier to deal with."

"She's standing right there." Misato remarked, holding out a hand to Asuka.

The agent didn't reply, simply turned and walked away, revealing a dark haired woman who leaned against the bannister opposite the door.

"Can I talk to the kid for a moment?" She asked.

Misato nodded, "I'll get him."

Misato gently led Asuka inside, the girl's movements sluggish with whatever they had been dosing her with. She sat her down at the table then stepped over to the kitchen.

"Phoenix leader wants to talk to you." She told Shinji.

Shinji nodded and moved the pan to an unheated surface, "Food's ready, why don't you get some for both of you? I'll be back."

Misato's mouth watered as Shinji drew a pattern in mayonnaise across their dinner, removed his apron, and headed to the front door.

"Shinji Ikari?" The woman asked as he approached.

"Inara-san." Shinji replied, "At least, I assume that's your name based on what I've overheard Kasumi-san saying."

The woman nodded, "Observant. Good."

"How can I help you?"

The woman stood up straight, "First, I want you to know that I will take it personally if anything happens to that girl."

"Understandable," Shinji said, "Anything else."

She held out her hand. When Shinji reciprocated she dropped a small earbud into his hand.

"If anything happens while it's just you, tap twice and call for us." She said, "Welcome to Phoenix team."

Shinji felt his back straighten slightly, "I don't know if I'm allowed to-"

"Consider yourself deputized," The woman said, "And anybody who says differently can go straight to hell for all I care. Protect the principal Phoenix-10, we're counting on you."

Shinji nodded, "I won't let you down."

"See that you don't," She said, then checked her watch, "Her latest dose should wear off in about two to three hours. The pills are supposed to be milder than the IV stuff."

Shinji nodded, "Understood, thank you Phoenix leader."

The woman nodded in reply and walked away. Shinji tapped the button to close the door and turned around. Re-entering the living area, he found Asuka sitting calmly before her meal, her utensils untouched.

"You're going to break my heart if you don't eat." Shinji said with a smile.

Asuka's head turned to look at him. The dead eyes were nothing new, but the glazed look of them added another level to her disturbing gaze.

"I remember…" She whispered.

For a moment, fire ignited behind those eyes, then it faded.

Shinji glanced at Misato, who shrugged and went back to eating. Sighing, Shinji sat next to the redhead.

"Why don't you try it?" He said, "I made it special for you, even went down to the market to find bratwurst to add."

Shinji reached out and laid a finger on Asuka's hand and focused. He hit the same wall that had divided him from her the last time, but now it was more like a steel bastion than a fence with holes. When he tried to reach through it, all he felt was a deep emptiness.

"No luck?" Misato asked when he opened his eyes.

Shinji kept his eyes on Asuka's, who had turned to him when he touched her, "You don't want to let anyone in."

Asuka nodded mechanically.

"Okay," Shinji said, "Why don't you at least eat, I'm certain that you're hungry. You look like you haven't had a decent meal since I last saw you."

"Schnitzel." Asuka said in a half-dreamy voice.

Shinji nodded, his heart breaking at her tone, "Would you like some tomorrow?"

Asuka looked down at her food, then nodded.

"If you finish everything there I'll make it tomorrow," He promised.

Asuka regarded him, another flare igniting behind her eyes, then nodded. Her slow movements picked up speed slowly as the flavor of the food sunk into her mouth.

"This is good Shinji!" Misato announced.

Shinji smiled, then dug in, though the food tasted like ash in his mouth.

XXXXXXX

Later that night, Shinji watched as Asuka wandered out to the balcony, her school bag and something else in her hands. He briefly thought of rushing out but held himself back when he saw that she was taking a seat on one of the chairs. Watching her surreptitiously, Shinji forgot about the paper he had been reading over.

In a few moments he saw the telltale flicker of firelight. Cautiously, he stood up and moved to the balcony door, sliding it open and stepping out. When he looked down, he saw that Asuka was burning the stack of letters which she had received from their classmates one by one. As he watched, she used a lighter to ignite a single one, watched it burn down to her fingertips, then tossed the remains over the edge to burn to ash on the way to the ground.

Looking at the stack, Shinji decided that she planned to be here for a while.

"Mind if I join you." He asked.

Asuka shrugged, igniting a second letter, "It's your home."

Settling down, Shinji picked up one of the letters and held it out to her, "Can I get a light?"

Asuka's dead eyes regarded him for a moment, then she obliged, using her currently burning letter. Shinji sat back and watched the paper burn. Whoever had sent this one had sprung for some decent cardstock. Watching it burn was mildly soothing. When Asuka reached for another letter he offered his own. She accepted, igniting the floral printed paper.

"It's your home too you know." Shinji said, discarding the remains of the letter over the balcony's edge and selecting another, this one pink with blue hearts. Hideous.

Asuka lit his letter and continued to watch her own burn down. Four letters later she spoke again.

"You came to see me." She said, "What's your angle?"

Shinji lit another letter and watched it burn, "Well right now I'm dealing with mostly right angles, but there's an obtuse one that I'm having trouble with."

Asuka lit a letter off of his, "I don't like you."

"You're going to have to try harder than that if you're going for shock value," Shinji said.

"Okay then," She said, igniting another letter, "Why don't we have sex?"

Shinji wrestled down the rush of words that tried to explode from his mouth at that. He was glad for the darkness, as it hid the blush which erupted onto his face.

"I thought you didn't like me." Shinji remarked, his voice slightly breathy.

"You don't need to like someone to get off with them." Asuka said.

"I've listened to enough of Misato's post-hookup arguments to really not want to deal with the baggage from that kind of sex." Shinji remarked, amazed at how mild his voice sounded _'I must be channeling Rei.'_

Asuka snorted, "Misato is just looking for somebody to replace Ryoji."

Shinji was struck silent.

"What, you didn't know?" Asuka asked, "Apparently they went at it like rabbits during college. Someone even told me that they got Ritsuko in on some of the action."

Shinji felt his blush deepen at the thought of that.

"Is that what you're looking for?" Asuka asked, "Is Wondergirl going to walk in here and you'll bang both of us? God, you make me sick."

Shinji maintained a grip on his emotions through a supreme effort of will, "I'm starting to think that you might be the one with the perversion Asuka. Every one of these conversations has been initiated by you."

Asuka fell silent, lighting another letter off of Shinji's to fill the silence.

"So?" She asked into the silence.

"So?" Shinji replied.

"Why did you come to see me." Asuka asked, "Nobody else bothered. So why you?"

"Before you turn this into a pity party," Shinji said, "They had you under quarantine. I definitely broke a few rules getting in."

Asuka flinched, "Glad I was high for most of it. I hate being alone."

Surprisingly, Shinji believed her when she said that. While Asuka was certainly unwilling to get close to anybody, she was a professional and forming superficial bonds with those around her. The letters that they were burning were evidence enough of that. He lit another.

"Do you know what my first memory after the battle with the third Angel is?" He asked.

"Disappointment?" Asuka tried, "That's what I felt after watching it."

Shinji managed a chuckle, "I woke up to an unknown ceiling, in an unknown room."

He turned to catch her eye, the fire reflected in her blue orbs imitated by the fire within her, "But most of all, I woke up alone."

Shinji turned back to their view of Tokyo-3, "I was pretty messed up. Parts of my body felt numb or in pain. I didn't understand what psychosomatic feedback syndrome was, but I sure felt it. In any case, when I got up, I found out that Rei was staying in the same ward as me."

"I went to see her, and guess what?" Shinji asked rhetorically, "She was alone too."

Shinji paused, but rather than the scathing remark he had been expecting, he heard only slightly elevated breathing.

"A lot of people have told me that being a pilot made me special," Shinji said, "The truth I held to back then was much uglier than that. Being a pilot made me special, which made me different. Being different meant that even when I was surrounded by people, I was always alone."

Shinji looked over at her, his eyes glistening, "I've grown since then, I have friends, and one very special friend who means the world to me. Now I know that even when I am far from others, I am not alone."

"And you Asuka." Shinji whispered, lighting the last letter.

"You are not alone."

Asuka turned her head to watch the last letter. As it burned down, Shinji tossed it over the balcony, where both pilots watched it drift in the wind before its light died. Abruptly, Asuka stood up.

"I'm going to bed." She said.

Shinji let her go.

* * *

A/N: Good morning gentle readers,

It's late, and I'm running on anime OP/EPs and a burning desire to get this out to ya'll. Feel free to skip this if you're just here for the story, I tend to do it a lot when I read fics. This is purely an FYI for some changes, a tease for an upcoming story, and a request.

The length on this chapter is significantly shorter (4100 words) because, well, having finished it I hope you understand. I tried, but there was really no way I could justify adding anything after the current ending. This chapter was extremely difficult to write, I currently have two alternate beginnings to the chapter, and I hope that this one ended up in a place that measures up to the quality of what I have put out before now.

In other news, I've started a little side project (don't panic, Better Angels will remain on its release schedule). I've activated my full weeb mode and got a Crunchyroll subscription and haven't stopped watching anime for several days between studying and this. After watching enough, I've come to realize the vital importance of romance in the medium of storytelling as a whole. Better Angels has not really reached a point where I'm ready to address such issues. So instead I just started writing a new fic which will be an Evangelion AU college experience that will basically be a romantic comedy.

I'm doing this for two reasons:

First, Better Angels is killing me at the moment. I've been writing since before I got into middle school, and I understand that taking a hiatus is basically saying that your story is dead. I've seen it, I've done it, I know how it goes. With that understanding, and not wanting it to happen, I will continue to push out chapters on the regular schedule, but I've dropped my chapter expectation lengths to 4k-8k words. I've honestly been trying to keep myself within that range for a while, so the only real difference will be a reduction in the amount of anxiety I feel when I check the word count.

Second, I've never written a romantic plot/subplot in my life. This new story will be a way for me to test out my skills, make mistakes, and hopefully do justice to the characters that I have come to love as I have written about them in Better Angels. I have been both a failure and a success in love IRL, and hope that that experience will serve as a basis for the relationships in my new fic.

This secondary fic will probably have a minimum word count of 3k words, and update 1-2x/month, depending on how much I need to get away from the weight of Better Angels.

Okay, if you're still here, then I have a request for you my readers.

Scrolling through the recently updated section of Evangelion has made me realize that I'm missing something really important, cover art. I'm not generally a skin-deep kind of person, but the glaring picture of a gray on gray vaguely humanoid figure is mildly jarring next to all of the pretty covers other people have.

I'm not asking for anyone to draw me something, although I would be flattered if you did. Instead, I'm just looking for advice on obtaining a cover. I've tried to google free Evanglion wallpapers to look for something to crop out, but nothing really stood out to me. If you have a suggestion I would love to hear it. If I get enough of a response I'll see if I can figure out the polling system and set one up so you can vote on what you think the cover should be. Anything suggested needs to be public domain or explicitly made free by the illustrator.

As always, thank you to my reviewers, and thank you for giving me the gift of your time in reading Better Angels. I'll get around to replying to reviews tomorrow (hopefully).

May you be successful in all your endeavors,

-Seratar


	27. Why Do We Fight?

**IMPORTANT A/N**

**This is a trigger warning**. I don't usually issue these, but the end of this chapter contains a scene which depicts **sexual violence**. While there is no intercourse or nudity, one character is forced into an intimate encounter with another. If you would like to avoid this and still continue reading Better Angels, read until you see this phrase:

**XXXXXX Trigger Warning! XXXXXX**

I have personally been a victim of this particularly heinous crime, and had to think long and hard about leaving it in. Better Angels is a story about the ugliness of life, and the gentleness of those who have been placed in it to make it bearable. As difficult as this story has been to write, it has also been a tremendous outlet for my depression and despair over the unfairness of the world.

Thank you for taking this journey with me, and please enjoy this chapter.

-Seratar

* * *

Better Angels

Chapter 27

Why Do We Fight?

**Monday, 0400 hours, 12 days since Israfel**

Shinji awoke feeling sluggish. It seemed that while he would be capable of functioning with four hours of sleep, it would not be a pleasant experience. As he dressed, he idly wondered if this was how his classmates felt every day. It had been so long since he had awoken without feeling refreshed, the experience reminded him that there were some upsides to being an Eva pilot.

Padding out of his room he saw that Rei had set herself up at the table, a book held in her hands as she kept an eye on the hallway. This had been a regular occurrence since Asuka had come home. The girl herself mostly kept to her room, complaining that her medication made her tired. So far, neither Shinji nor Misato had tried to push her any further than that. Shinji was at a loss for what exactly she did all day.

"How did it go?" Shinji asked.

"Captain Katsuragi has a habit of visiting the bathroom twice during the night," Rei stated calmly, "She should consult a physician to be sure she is not experiencing an infection or physiological abnormality."

"Not what I wanted to know," Shinji quipped, "But okay."

"Soryu-san was restless at approximately 0230 hours," She said, "She exited her room and called me a 'creep,' then consumed a glass of milk before returning to bed."

"I'll be sure to get more today," Shinji said, "Do you want to head out?"

Rei shook her head, "I have sufficient material to keep me occupied. I believe that you should make me breakfast. Eggs and rice is fine."

Shinji grinned at her, "You're awfully bossy today. You usually take off as soon as I wake up."

Rei set her book down and looked up at him, "Being in this close of a proximity to Soryu-san is having an adverse effect on my mental equilibrium."

"So shouldn't you go then?" Shinji asked.

Rei shook her head, "Right now I am conducting several tests to determine the exact reason for the unease I feel around her. By remaining here, I am able to collect additional data. It is not… comfortable, but I can handle it."

Shinji frowned and held out his hand. Rei reciprocated and their bond burst into brilliant life as their souls touched. Shinji suddenly felt as if he were being watched. It was not a sure thing, but more of an impression that there was something in the vicinity that was coiled and ready to strike. Delving deeper, he felt Rei's mild exhaustion sweep through him, apparently changing her sleep pattern was not going as smoothly as she had first let on.

Strangely enough, there was a part of Rei's mind that was blank to him. Shinji thought of trying to delve it but decided that he should just ask. Withdrawing slowly, Shinji opened his eyes and looked down at his friend.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked, "There's a part of you that I can't reach."

Rei turned her eyes back to her book, her voice growing even, "It is nothing to worry about Ikari-san."

Shinji hesitated, then shrugged, "I trust you Rei. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you."

"Breakfast." She said quietly, her eyes intent on the book.

Shinji shrugged and moved to the kitchen. Rei touched her cheek and was unsurprised to find it warm. She went back to her reading.

Shinji filled Rei's order and delivered the breakfast to her on two plates, then settled down with his own large breakfast.

"What are you reading?" Shinji asked through a mouthful of food.

"Fiction." Rei responded, eating while she continued.

"Really?" Shinji asked, "I didn't peg you for someone interested in that kind of stuff."

"Aida-san lent me a sizable collection of novels," Rei responded, "I have found that my understanding of pop-culture references has doubled since I began reading, without the inconvenience of having to wait for a television to tell me what I need to know."

"Speed reading?" He asked.

"I believe you are also a disciple of the art." Rei said, "Doctor Akagi tracks your access to NERV's databases. Your rate of data consumption is rather impressive."

Shinji chuckled, "Spying on me Rei?"

"I am always watching over you Shinji," Rei said.

They both fell silent after that, Rei continuing her book while Shinji continued to eat, feeling mildly embarrassed. Shinji eventually grabbed his notepad and began filling out several worksheets for today's lessons for submission, as it was his turn to skip school and stay home with Asuka.

"You two are awfully domestic." Misato said, "It's like watching a married couple."

Shinji glanced over at his guardian and stuck out his tongue. Rei looked up from her book momentarily, then went back to it.

"No fun." Misato muttered.

"There's rice," Shinji said, "Want some eggs?"

Misato shook her head, "I need to eat on the move today, I have to go review some footage that some eggheads captured from a volcano the other day."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "Is it an Angel?"

Misato shrugged, "It could be, or it could just be a false alarm. We get one or two every cycle, but it's my responsibility to check up on irregularities. Make sure that the three of you are primed in any case, we might need to move at a moment's notice. As always."

Shinji glanced towards Asuka's room, "Is that… wise?"

Misato followed his eyes and nodded, "According to Ritsuko, it's one of the few things that might actually help the girl. Her current synch scores are high enough for activation, so there's at least a part of her that can fight. I hate to do it, but it may be the one thing that could snap her out of her current daze."

Shinji sighed, then nodded, "Okay, but if she stomps anybody I want it on record that this was your idea."

"Why Shinji-kun!" Misato gasped, "With you and Rei-chan protecting us, I'm sure there is nothing to fear at all!"

"You don't play the wide-eyed damsel well Misato," Shinji noted, "You spend too much time in control of the world around you to play the act convincingly. Maybe you should get some pointers from my classmates?"

"I believe you need to breathe heavier," Rei provided.

"You two…" Misato growled, then smiled, "I'm off. I'll tell Horaki-san that you send your love Shinji!"

"Hey!" Shinji yelped.

Misato was gone before he could complain further.

"I believe that was a victory for the captain," Rei noted, turning a page, "You will need to, 'step up your game,' as Colonel says."

Shinji sighed, then closed his notebook, his homework done. Standing up, he washed the dishes and sat down opposite Rei again. Surprisingly, the girl snapped her book shut and looked at him.

"I have a question." She said, waiting.

"Shoot." Shinji said.

Rei pondered the word, then continued, "Why is it that you are wholly oblivious to your status outside of your identity as an Eva pilot?"

"Eh?" Shinji asked, "What do you mean?"

"Last week," Rei expounded, "You were surprised when Hikari pointed out that your classmates might be genuinely interested in you. Their behavior is nothing new. When we fought the last Angel you were able to make a tactical evaluation of its skills and react accordingly to counter them. I know that you are in possession of insight beyond that of which you display in social settings. Why do you not exercise these abilities?"

"Well for starters," Shinji quipped, "I'm not locked in a life or death struggle with my peers. Although sometimes it feels that way with Hikari…"

"I believe that you already know that I am not swayed from my target by levity." Rei said.

"I just…" Shinji hesitated, "I don't know, okay! Is that good enough for you?"

"I have upset you." Rei said, sitting back, "I apologize. Forget that I spoke."

"Are you backing down Rei?" Shinji asked, the surprise showing on his face.

"I have caused you enough pain to last beyond our lifetimes," Rei said, "I am not confident that I want to cause you any more at the moment."

"What is this really about Rei?" Shinji asked, "You've never been evasive with me. Just tell me, I value your opinion because you always tell me the truth, no matter how harsh."

Rei closed her eyes and clenched the fist which was laying on top of the book she had set down. Something akin to genuine pain crossed her features as she fought an inward struggle.

"Rei?" Shinji asked, reaching out to take her hand.

"Hikari loves you." Rei said, her eyes flashing open.

"What?" Shinji asked, frozen in place, his hand held above the table.

Rei stood up and moved to leave but paused as she drew parallel to the sitting Shinji. She lowered her head, closed her eyes, and spoke again.

"You are very kind to others Shinji," She said, "It is the thing I love most about you. However, it is also the thing that, when combined with your willful ignorance, causes the most pain to others."

"Open your eyes Shinji Ikari." She whispered, then left.

XXXXXX

When Asuka woke, it was to the haunting melody of cello being played in the living room. Checking her clock, she tried to care that she had already missed school.

She did not.

Stepping out of her room, she contemplated just leaving. It would be easy enough to step outside and just start walking. No responsibility for the world, no stupid Misato to order her around, No Shinji to…

No Shinji.

Clenching her hand into a fist, Asuka turned to the living area and moved with stealth to stand behind her dark-haired roommate, who was conveniently facing the window, his body swaying in time to the tune which he spun out into the air. As he played, Asuka felt a small part of herself which had been taut for a very long time uncoil. Unconsciously, her fist slowly relaxed.

She was not quite sure how long she stood there simply watching him play, his movements almost as hypnotizing as the music. She only realized that she was staring when the young man stood up and turned to face her, almost dropping his cello in surprise as he came face to face with her.

"G-good morning Asuka-chan!" Shinji yelped, "I didn't realize you were awake."

Asuka's eyes narrowed, "Who could sleep through that racket you call music?"

Shinji shot her a grin, "Sorry, I got bored of waiting. Hungry?"

"Very." Asuka said, turning away and taking a seat at the table as Shinji put his instrument away.

"Eggs and rice?" He asked, "It's not spectacular, but it's easy."

"Whatever." She said, folding her arms and watching as he began busying himself in the kitchen.

There was something aggravating about the way he moved. There was a lightness to his step in the kitchen that was absent when he was anywhere else. Except for when he was…

Her mind briefly flashed to an image of Unit-01 moving between points of cover with precision, all hesitation in the boy she knew gone. She remembered feeling annoyed at how slowly he was moving. In retrospect, she could see that he was-

A slight clink interrupted her thoughts as Shinji placed her breakfast before her.

"Enjoy," He said, then held out his hand, a pill in it, "Don't forget to take this."

Asuka hesitated, memories of the past few days drifting through her head.

"I did some reading," He said, "It's not the same. It will help."

Asuka ground her teeth, "I don't need help."

"Yes," Shinji said firmly, "You do. Now you can argue with me, at which point I will call Phoenix team in here and they will ever so politely force feed this to you, or you can trust me and take it."

"I don't trust you." She responded reflexively.

"I know," Shinji smiled, still holding the pill out.

Asuka spent several moments looking between Shinji and the pill before finally growling something under her breath and swiping it out of his hand. She chased the thing with some water that Shinji had provided and opened her mouth for him to look.

"I wasn't going to check that," Shinji said, "You may not trust me Asuka, but I would like to trust you."

He turned away without so much as a glance at her mouth, which she shut swiftly. Without further preamble, she set about her food with gusto, emptying her plate in under a minute.

"More?" Shinji asked, a mildly amused glint in his eyes as he held up a frying pan.

Asuka nodded, her sharp eyes still watching him warily. He dished up another helping and she consumed it with less vigor.

"I'm glad you're eating more," Shinji noted as he began cleaning the pan, "Ritsuko says that your BMI dropped under eighteen point five while you were in the hospital."

Asuka felt something in her brain shift subtly. The drug had apparently taken effect. Rather than sinking her into a haze, it instead sharpened the world around her. Things seemed more… real. When she grew used to the sensation she realized that Shinji was sitting across from her, watching her.

"Pervert!" She growled.

"Seems like you're feeling a little better," Shinji said, standing up, "Why don't we go for a walk."

"Like hell," Asuka said, "You just want someone to see us and make it look like we're out on a date."

"First off," Shinji replied, "You need exercise. Sitting inside all day will do you no good, and the sooner we get out and start working your muscles, the sooner you can mope around inside for the rest of the day."

"I don't mope!" Asuka said indignantly.

"Second," Shinji continued as if he had not heard her, "Ritsuko gave specific instructions for your health care, and a walk is right up there with your medication. So once again, you can either come peacefully, or I will employ my associates'… coercive capabilities."

"You're a real controlling son of a bitch you know that?" Asuka growled.

"For putting up with my father, my mother should probably be considered for sainthood," Shinji noted blithely, "Although I wouldn't mind too much if you wanted to call me a bastard."

Asuka remained seated, glaring at her fellow pilot. Shinji remained standing, his patience wearing slightly at her stubbornness. Asuka was clearly not used to being told what to do.

"Why?" She ground out.

"Why what?" Shinji asked.

"Why are you doing this!" She shot back.

"Would you believe that it's because I care?" He asked.

Asuka shook her head.

Shinji sighed, "I bet you're tired, right?"

Asuka nodded hesitantly, the blackness in her eyes flaring briefly to life before fading back to a dead stare.

"You just want to lay down and let the world pass you by?" He urged.

Asuka looked away from him.

"And the other night, you wanted to follow that last letter. You wanted to burn brightly, then drift away to a place where the pain couldn't follow." He whispered.

Asuka kept her gaze on the floor to the side. The heaviness inside of her was stifling, and when Shinji talked, it only grew worse. Why was he bringing this up? She had been doing fine until he opened his fat mouth!

"If I'm wrong, then I'll leave you alone," Shinji said quietly.

When had he sat down next to her?

"But if I'm right," He paused, "Will you just come outside with me? Please?"

There was something wet on her face.

XXXXXXX

When Shinji stepped outside he was surprised to find both Inara and Kasumi waiting for him.

"You," Kasumi said, leveling a finger at him, "Have a few things to explain."

"I would love to indulge you Noble leader," Shinji chuckled, rubbing his arm nervously, "But I'm actually on business right now."

Kasumi's arm pointed to the far end of the walkway and Shinji sighed. He hoped that Asuka took some extra time to get ready. Inara flashed him a grin and a thumbs up as he walked away with the leader of his protective detail.

"Would you mind telling me why you had Noble-3 raid the pharmacy?" She asked, "We're your bodyguards, not your drug dealers."

Instead of answering, Shinji reached into his pocket and produced two bottles, "One of these is the medication which NERV sent home with Asuka, the other is what I had Noble-3 collect for me."

Kasumi looked both bottles and shrugged, "And? I'm not doctor kid, these mean nothing to me."

"One of these is meant to make her submissive," Shinji explained, "The other is an NMDAR antagonist. In other words, it helps suppress psychosis. One of these is meant to help her get better, the other is supposed to make her compliant. I'll give you a wild guess as to which one I had Noble-3 pick up."

Kasumi handed him the bottles back, "Do you think the Commander won't find out about this?"

"Oh, I'm sure he will," Shinji seethed, "I'm counting on his inherent aversion to even talking to me to prevent any major complications. I'll get Asuka back in an Eva and fighting, that's all he really wants. But I'm tired of doing it his way."

"You're working awfully hard to help someone who seems to hate your guts." Kasumi noted.

"Asuka doesn't hate me," Shinji said, then corrected himself, "Well, that's to say, she doesn't hate me specifically. I think she hates everything and everyone. I'm just a manifestation of whatever it was that drove her to the state she was in when she first arrived."

"How very Freudian of you." Kasumi said.

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Asuka has a lot of familial… issues." Kasumi supplied, "Her father cheated on her mother just before she killed herself. At least one of the girl's problems is her contempt for her father and step-mother. The woman who also happens to have been her mother's psychiatrist."

Shinji's mouth dropped open.

Kasumi raised an eyebrow, "You think that I don't have a dossier on every person who you interact with? How was your date with Tamako Aida?"

Shinji colored, "I bet you know already."

Kasumi grinned, "Of course I do. My point is that Asuka has more psychological issues than you've ever dreamed of. What you're doing is trying to empty a bucket with a teaspoon while it's raining. Maybe there is a reason why they just wanted her to be compliant? A slow pilot is better than an unhinged one."

Shinji's face reddened, this time with anger as he stepped in close, "My father, no, NERV itself, doesn't care about us pilots! The amount of neglect or downright abuse they've shown towards us is staggering! I do what I do because I care, not because it's the easy or expedient thing to do! NERV might be willing to sacrifice any number of pilots to get through this, but I'm not willing to give up a single one without a fight!"

Instead of a look of anger or surprise, which Shinji had expected after his outburst, he saw that Kasumi was smiling in satisfaction. Confused, Shinji's anger deflated as he realized that the head of his protective detail had been baiting him.

"I think your girlfriend is ready." Kasumi murmured in his ear.

Shinji spun to find Asuka standing with Inara. The older woman had a restraining hand on her charge's shoulder. Asuka was watching him those dead eyes of hers.

"Go get 'em tiger," Kasumi said, "Oh, and next time, get Phoenix team to do your dirty work."

Shinji had been played, but or some reason, he didn't feel so bad about it. Well, he wasn't completely okay with it, he was still a little upset at Kasumi's words. While she had intentionally been trying to get a reaction out of him, the things she had said were all technically true. Was he really on a fool's errand?

Inara took her hand off of Asuka's shoulder as Shinji passed them, letting the girl follow Shinji to the elevator. As they stepped inside, Shinji turned back to see Inara and Kasumi quietly speaking about something. Inara noticed his regard and threw him a wink.

"I never asked you to fight for me." Asuka spoke, her voice hollow.

"Nobody else wanted the job." Shinji said quietly, "And I have a bad habit of taking on herculean tasks."

Asuka remained quiet after that. Shinji decided that this was a marked improvement, as the Asuka he had first met would have probably tried to assault him for what he had said to Kasumi.

Stepping out of the elevator, Shinji waved to the two sedans parked outside their complex, receiving nods from the currently assigned members of their protective details. The two vehicles shadowed them as they walked towards the park in which Shinji and Rei usually trained in the mornings. The noonday sun was blisteringly hot, and Shinji, though he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, found himself sweating abominably.

"You might have picked a better time for this." Asuka muttered from beside him.

"You could try to wake up earlier." Shinji shot back, feeling slightly irritated by the heat.

They reached the small field where Sergey usually led them in calisthenics before they began sparring practice. Shinji took refuge under the shade of a tall tree and turned to face Asuka. She regarded him coldly as he began a series of stretches meant to maintain his freedom of movement during a session.

"What are you doing?" Asuka asked.

"I didn't get to work out because I was waiting for you," Shinji said, "So I'm starting now. You're welcome to join me."

Asuka glared at him, then plopped herself down beneath the branches of the tree, choosing an observer's position rather than that of a participant. Shinji shrugged, though inwardly he was disappointed.

'_Baby steps.'_ He reminded himself, _'At least she's out here.'_

Finished with that, Shinji worried that he would have to practice alone until Kasumi, now clad in a sports bra and shorts appeared in the clearing. The sight of his bodyguard without her usual suit was enough to surprise Shinji into dropping his knife.

"I know for a fact that Misato wears clothing risqué than this around you," Kasumi noted, taking a stance as she drew a long bladed practice dagger from a sheath strapped to her thigh, "So you can drop the flustered teenager look and prepare to get your ass handed to you."

Shinji retrieved his own practice blade and grinned at Kasumi, "I thought you were supposed to maintain a professional distance Kasumi-san."

"I don't know if you know this," Kasumi noted, tossing her knife idly, "But I don't play by the rules very well."

And with that, she charged.

Shinji waited until the last moment, focusing on the way she moved, trying to catch the rhythm of her steps. Just when he thought he had a sense for her, her cadence changed, and she drove home at him. Surprised, Shinji threw himself to the side, coming up from a roll in a defensive stance, parrying her incoming blade twice before driving her back with a kick.

"I see that Sergey hasn't been letting you grow complacent." Kasumi noted, circling.

"Actually," Shinji said, following her moves, "Rei has been kicking the crap out of me for several weeks, so you should really thank her for how good I am now."

"Duly noted." Kasumi replied, then lunged again.

This time he was ready for the sudden shift. Shinji flowed forward into the attack, catching her weapon with his own and lashing out with a kick. His attack was countered, and he suddenly found himself staring at the blue sky, the front of his face throbbing in pain.

"Always watch the head kid," Kasumi noted, "I'm not the martial artist that Sergey is, but I've killed more than my fair share of men in street brawls."

She reached down and pulled him up, "It doesn't look like I broke anything, but you probably won't be so lucky next time. If you want to keep that pretty face of yours intact you'll need to learn to protect it."

"You committed too early," Kasumi continued, sheathing her weapon, "I know all of your moves Shinji, and you know none of mine. You should have relied on a defensive posture for at least three more rounds before going on the offense. Especially against someone who knows what you can do."

"A defensive posture is inviting defeat though," Shinji replied, "I can't win if all I do is protect myself."

"You definitely can't win if I can out-anticipate you," She said, "Which of us is the faster and stronger one?"

"Well… Me I guess." Shinji admitted.

"Then how did I win?" She asked.

"You're better." He said, his expression dark.

"No," She said, "I won because I had more information. I knew that you would follow up with a kick because you have never tried to hit Ayanami in the face."

"So I need to memorize your patterns?" He asked, "That's a little hard, considering I don't even know where exactly you guys train."

She grinned, "That's out the question, considering that I don't really follow patterns. What you need to do is introduce a little chaos into the mix. Be less predictable. You probably noticed how I change the way I move just before attacking. You need to do that. Martial arts are just that, arts, they follow rules. If you want to get better you'll need to break some of those."

"Rei is much better than I am," Shinji pointed out, "And she is the most precise person I know."

Kasumi shook her head, "She is the most _accurate_ person you know, but highly imprecise. She always hits what she is aiming for, but she never aims for the same spot. You on the other hand, you always lead with a defensive evasion, then two counters. Shift your thinking to the battle at hand, not to those that have come before."

"Now defend yourself!" She roared, ripping her weapon free and charging.

XXXXXX

Shinji spent the next half-hour getting laid out, but when Kasumi finally relented and let him go, she held his hand for a moment longer after pulling him up.

"Good work today kid." Kasumi said, "We'll make a fighter out of you yet."

Shinji grimaced through the pain in his side where Kasumi had landed a roundhouse kick, "If I don't asphyxiate in the night due to a lung collapse."

"Lungs have a built-in redundancy," Kasumi said, "Just give us a call if you wake up and can't breathe."

"Thanks." Shinji groaned.

"Do you have a bondage fetish Shinji-kun?" Asuka suddenly asked from behind him.

Shinji jumped, having forgotten that she was even present, "W-What?!"

"You seem to like getting beaten up by women," Asuka said, "I knew that you were perverted, but I didn't realize that it was this weird. Would you like it if I dressed up like Kasumi here and slapped you around the house?"

"I'm going to head out." Kasumi remarked dryly, "No hanky-panky you two, this is a public place."

"I wasn't going to-" Shinji was cut off by Kasumi who simply spun around and walked away.

Shinji sighed, then turned back to Asuka, whose eyes held a new glint, "We should head back too."

She nodded in quiet assent, though on the way home Shinji couldn't help but feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. Asuka it seemed, was watching him very closely.

**XXXXXX Trigger Warning! XXXXXX**

Shinji was cleaning up the living area when he felt a presence behind him. Turning swiftly, he reached for the knife that wasn't there, only to realize that it was Asuka. Mentally berating himself for his jumpiness, he turned around fully to face her, noting the flickering light in her eyes.

"Geez Asuka-chan, what was that for?" He said, stepping back.

"I've been trying to figure you out Shinji-kun," She said flatly, advancing on him, "And I think I've finally got it. You like to be hurt, and that's why you have such a craven personality. I bet you would like it if I threw you down and kicked you some. It's a little strange I'll admit, but I'm willing to indulge you if you would like. I'm sure I could find all sorts of creative ways to… excite you."

"Please no." Shinji backed up further, "I promise you that there is nothing I like less than being in pain."

"Then why do you actively seek out situations where you are at risk for injury?" She asked, the hollowness in her voice echoed once again in her eyes, "Surely it would be easier to just let it all go. Stop fighting so hard Shinji-kun, just, let things happen. I promise I'll make you feel good."

"Asuka-chan," Shinji said, trying to maintain the distance between them, "You're starting to scare me."

"Am I?" She said, drawing closer even as he backpedaled, "Or is it something else you're feeling?"

She grabbed his arm. Unconsciously, Shinji reversed her grip, twisting her around and putting her in a hold. Unfortunately, she was now pressed up against him. Instead of trying to break the hold, she melted into him.

"Oh," She whispered, "I think I get it now. It's not just that you like to be hurt, but you also like to hurt others. I guess we can try some of that. Why don't you twist just a little harder, who knows, I might like it."

She tilted her head back, letting her hair splay across his chest as she caught his eyes, "I'll scream if you would like."

Shinji released her, a look of horror on his face as he staggered back. In a flash she was on him, carrying them both to the ground. Despite his training and improved strength, Shinji found his arms pinned by Asuka's own as she straddled him, looking down on him with dead, blazing eyes. There was a feverish heat to her skin, and the slight flushing of her pale skin wasn't just from exertion.

"Asuka, I-" Shinji tried to say, only to be cut off as his head was rocked sideways, a leaving a stinging sensation on his cheek.

Asuka had just slapped him.

He reached up with his now free hand in an attempt to grab her, only to have that hand intercepted. Rather than pin him again, she brought the hand up and pressed it against her chest. She sat astride him and Shinji's mind remembered a little boy, helpless to resist as he was hurt over and over again. Something tender and beautiful that he had nurtured since arriving in Tokyo-3 stretched horribly, then snapped like a dry twig.

Asuka, as if sensing this sudden shift, ground his hand against her chest and leaned down.

"Tell me that you love me." She ordered, her dead eyes roaring with fire now.

"No." Shinji whimpered, the long silent child in the back of his mind wailing hysterically.

"Tell me that you want me!" Asuka screamed, then leaned in closed, her hot breath tickling the nerves of his neck, "Tell me that you'll do _whatever_ I want."

"I can't," He whispered, tears flowing from his eyes, "I won't!"

"Then at least tell me that you won't leave me." She breathed into his ear, "Not again."

"Again?" Shinji gasped, a fragment of his terror crazed mind catching on the word.

A weight settled on his body and Shinji realized that Asuka was no longer pinning him, but simply laying on top of him. Breathing heavily, he tried to calm his beating heart as his paralyzed limbs waited for the girl to continue her assault. Instead, she simply waited, all the feverish strength from before having fled with that final word.

After a time, Asuka rolled off of him silently, staring at the ceiling and gently clasping his hand in her own. Shinji was sure that if he looked, those eyes would be as empty as ever, maybe even more so. A brief idea flickered and died in his mind. There was no way he was going to anything as intimate as Connecting with the girl right now.

Maybe not ever.

"If you're not going to screw me," She muttered to the ceiling, "Or let NERV use me."

"Why the hell won't you just let me die?" She whispered, her hand spasming on his own.

Tracks of tears trailed down either side of Shinji's face as looked through the ceiling at the tortured depths of his own soul. The sense of violation that swept through his body was matched only by the void of his heart through which it rushed. Spirits above, he felt as empty as Asuka's eyes looked.

They stared up at the ceiling for hours, neither one speaking, both feeling a terrible emptiness open up inside themselves. A dark hunger which only starved as it consumed everything around it.

The front door slid open and Rei carefully removed her shoes before gliding into the living area. Her eyes unerringly sought out the emptiness where Shinji's calming warmth usually rested in the back of her mind. Observing the situation for a moment, she knelt down next to Asuka and gently lifted the unresisting redhead from the ground.

She disappeared for a few moments and Shinji heard the sound of a door sliding open and closed. She soon reappeared and without a word, took him in her arms and lifted him from the floor.

Rather than taking him to his room as he had done with Asuka, Rei settled them on the couch and gently stroked his hair for what seemed like an eternity. With each stroke, the voices in the back of Shinji's head grew quieter.

The first change occurred when a wracking sob escaped his mouth. In moments he was curled up, hands filled with Rei's uniform as he clenched his fists as tight has he could. Howls of pain and despair escaped his lips, muffled by the girl who continued to cradle and soothe him.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

You can all probably guess what comes up next chapter. I'm already feverishly working on it, and will probably release it ahead of schedule, if for no other reason than that I'm going crazy trying to figure out where this is all going myself.

My side project is on temporary hiatus. I've decided to write a couple chapters before putting anything out to see if it is something I want to commit to doing. In the meantime I'm going to be writing some romantic one-shots from some anime that I like. If you want to see that work check it out, otherwise, I'll see you in the next chapter of Better Angels.

As always, thank you to my wonderful reviewers, know that whenever I read your words I sit down and write a little more for each chapter. Thank you.

-Seratar


	28. A Heart of Winter

Better Angels

Chapter 28

A Heart of Winter

The whisper of chimes sounding in the gentle breeze beckoned Shinji from his repose to a state of full awareness. The setting sun cast pink and violet ribbons across the sky as it sank into the distant waves of the ocean which bordered the place he had come to know as the dream field. Tall fields of wheat bowed heavy under their fruit, swaying in the cool breeze which swept off the ocean.

Shinji was at peace.

"Hello Shinji." Said a voice.

He turned to regard the man who sat in the rocking chair beside him. Shinji could be forgiven for thinking at first that the man seated there was the entity he only knew as Nii-san, but a closer examination of the man revealed that he was no such being.

"You." Shinji said, the hatred he would have felt replaced by a coldness which in many ways felt far worse.

"Yes," The man said, his golden eyes sparkling, "Who else would you expect to be me, but me?"

"I'm not in the mood for any of your little games." Shinji said, his soft words belying the turmoil in his mind.

"You still think this is a game that we are playing together?" He asked, "We are fighting for nothing less than the survival of our species. You, as a champion of the dim souls of the Lilim, while I am the father of the children of light."

"Just because our souls don't shine as brightly," Shinji said, "It does not make them any less valuable than yours."

The man laughed, "Each soul of the Adamin that you send screaming into the void is worth the essence of millions of your fallen kind."

"I'm not going to debate philosophy with you, whoever you are," Shinji said, making a chair appear so that he could sit, "So just tell me why you are here, or begone."

With his final word, the dream field rumbled slightly, responding to his desire. Shinji did not understand many things, but the one thing he knew that this was _his_ mind, and nobody but him was supreme here.

"How is dear Asuka-chan?" The man asked.

Shinji flinched, then glared at the man.

"Oh dear," He smiled, "She always was a troubled child. I suppose being exposed to you has only made the problem worse."

"You did this to her!" Shinji growled, leaning forward, "With your cruelty and your mind games."

"You should at least know some of the rules in passing by now boy," The man said, "As I am, I am unable to directly cause problems for the Lilim. How could I have hurt Asuka? I simply did as she asked me to. In a sense, you could call me a genie in a bottle, I fulfill wishes."

"You might not lie," Shinji said, "But you twist the truth to the point where it has no meaning anymore."

The man shrugged, "The truth is relative, as I see it. In any case, I'm not really here for Asuka's sake, I'm here for yours. Your heart called me here, so I have come to fulfill one of your wishes."

Shinji snorted, "What makes you think I want _anything_ to do with the gifts you offer."

"Asuka hurt you," The man said, a note of compassion sliding into his voice, "Surely you want her to pay for that?"

Shinji's resolve buckled. He could still feel the weight of Asuka on top of him. He remembered being totally, and utterly powerless. He remembered that he hadn't wanted her to stop. He hated himself. The dream field shuddered.

"You know," The man said, "She can be replaced."

Shinji wanted to say something, but his mind was busy running laps around itself. Laps centered around a red-haired fury who was probably no more than fifteen meters from his sleeping body. She could be doing anything right now…

"I'm here to offer you a choice." The man said, "Tomorrow something is going to happen. If you want Asuka gone, I can help make it happen."

Shinji remained quiet, though the man smiled as Shinji's ear twitched slightly. Shinji, despite everything, was listening.

"The most beautiful thing about this circumstance is that, if you want to be rid of her, all you really have to do is… nothing." The man said, his words sounding ever so reasonable, "Just do as you're told like a good little boy. Let your commander call the shots. Just. Watch."

"If Asuka is gone…" Shinji muttered, "Who will pilot Unit-02."

"Oh-ho, I see you haven't figured it out yet," He chuckled, "I thought you were supposed to be a smart one Shinji Ikari. Very well, I'll give you this one little tidbit, although I suggest you work harder at uncovering NERV's secrets before it grows too late. The thing is, your entire graduating class, that conglomeration of misfits, are all capable of piloting an Eva."

"Everyone?" Shinji asked.

"I swear so upon my power and existence," The man said, sending a ripple through the world around him, "Every member of class 1-A fulfills all of the requirements for being a pilot. The only real problem is that there aren't nearly enough of your monstrosities to go around. Only the special ones, like you and Asuka, actually get to pilot. For now."

"What do I have to do?" Shinji asked, something heavy dropping into the pit of his stomach.

"Like I said," The man replied, "Simply do… nothing. I have arranged matters to proceed in a certain fashion. If you restrain your childish impulses to act independently when you should simply obey, then all will proceed according to plan, and you will be free from Asuka Langley Soryu. Once and for all."

"If you play your cards right," The man continued, "You might even be able to influence the decision of her replacement. Doctor Akagi really has the final say on all these matters. I'm sure you can come up with some way to manipulate her into doing what you want."

"Are you going to kill her?" Shinji asked.

The man smiled, "Most definitely. But this is war Shinji. You should expect casualties. Nobody will blame you for what will happen, not even Asuka herself."

Shinji shuddered. The thought was so tempting.

"I…"

The man held up a hand, "Don't answer me now, think about it. I'm not really in a rush. My plan will occur whether or not you decide to let things go according to it. You have up until that moment to make your decision. I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that you had a choice. Your destiny is not written in stone Shinji Ikari. Take a hold of it, change it. Master your destiny, and you will master the world."

The man stood.

"Wait." Shinji said, his emotions roiling, "What… what do we call you?"

The man chuckled lowly, "I think your Nii-san will someday tell you the truth. But I suppose that every hero must have his villain. Seeing as how you are my villain, perhaps it is best that you have a name to call that hero by who will eventually destroy you."

"You may call me, Caine."

XXXXXX

**Tuesday, 0600 hours, 13 days since Israfel**

A soft knock on his door let Shinji know that someone was outside. For a brief moment, the hysterical part of his brain imagined his redhead roommate out there, preparing to kick down the door and attack him.

"Shinji." Rei called softly.

Shinji held his chest as his heartbeat slowly started to return to its normal state.

"I must speak with you." Rei said through the door, "May I enter, or would you prefer to come out. Asuka is still asleep."

Shinji tried to remember getting to his own room, but all he really remembered from last night was crying his heart out while Rei held him, then the dream.

"I'll come out," He said, not trusting himself to lock up with a girl, any girl, in his room right now.

"I will be waiting," Rei said, "Please hurry, it is a matter of some urgency."

Shinji dressed slowly as Rei moved away from his door. When he finally got himself up and moving, his entire body felt like one large bruise. Between Kasumi's idea of training, and Asuka's… advances, he was not feeling in any kind of condition to face the day.

Padding out to the table, he found Rei sitting there, a tower of NERV issued ration bars stacked neatly in the middle, two discarded wrappers folded neatly and placed beside Rei's own place setting.

"I could cook something." Shinji offered, though the thought of doing anything almost made him ill.

"That is unnecessary," She said, "Before I hand you your phone, I need you to understand that this is _not_ an emergency. There are still two hours before we are absolutely required to be underway, and six to eight hours before operation commencement."

Shinji blinked, his foggy mind clearing for a moment at her words, "Misato found an Angel."

Rei nodded, "It is in a putative form, and NERV plans to attempt a capture of the specimen."

"That's…" Shinji paused, "That's good right? We don't have to fight it."

Rei handed Shinji his phone. The message on it was brief.

_Pilot Ikari,_

_You are required to report to NERV headquarters at the time of 0800 hours today for an advanced tactical strike on a target of high priority, classified hereafter as Firewalker. Section two has been informed and will ensure you arrive in a timely manner._

Shinji looked up at Rei, "But we don't have to fight."

"Captain Katsuragi must harbor some doubts as to that truth," Rei said, "While Unit-02, with Asuka as its pilot, will be performing the capture itself, Unit-01 and you are to standby in a support role should the encounter turn violent."

Shinji felt a stab of panic at that, "I don't think I can-"

"Please wait," Rei said, holding up a hand, "I understand that due to Soryu-san's actions, you are hesitant to enter into battle with her."

"Her actions?" Shinji muttered hollowly, that emptiness rising inside of him.

"Based on your mental state," Rei said calmly, "Do you believe that you will be able to achieve a sufficient synchronization ratio to fight an Angel solo?"

Shinji shuddered, looked down, then shook his head. The thought of letting another person even touch him right now almost felt… vulgar. Let alone diving deeply into the connection he shared with his Eva.

"If the operation should fail, the JSSDF is standing by to deploy an N2 strike at the location of the retrieval," Rei explained, "While Units-01 and 02 should be salvageable, they may be unable to participate in the upcoming fight if they are in such close proximity."

Rei sighed, the first sign of distress she had exhibited since he had awoken, "I do not want to leave you to carry this burden Shinji, but my duty as a pilot demands that I offer you this explanation before I make my other offer. If you and Soryu-san are incapacitated, then I predict that there is a 46% chance that I will still be able to defend Tokyo-3. With you in that same position, I believe the chances drop somewhere closer the 35%"

Shinji put his head on the table.

"Be that as it may," She said, "I will at this moment offer to take your place. I will convince Commander Ikari to allow me to go as the support unit for this operation."

_Let your commander call the shots._

Shinji shivered. If he let Rei take his place, something might happen. He might not be able to…

"No." He whispered, then levered himself up and spoke more firmly, "No, I can do this Rei. Thank you. I appreciate it, but I think you're right. Something tells me that I need to be there."

Rei nodded, approval flowing across the bond that they shared, "Thank you Shinji. You are stronger than you think. May I touch you?"

Shinji shivered again, but looking into her red eyes he saw nothing of that consuming monster that lurked behind Asuka's own blue orbs. He nodded.

Standing up, Rei moved around the table and took him gently in her arms. He leaned against her, a fresh round of tears prickling at his eyes in an attempt to set themselves free. For long minutes she held him.

"Wherever you lead, I will follow," She whispered, "So please, come back to the light, it is terribly cold out here in the dark."

XXXXXX

Asuka Langley Soryu woke in a pseudo-daze. Something had happened last night. Images flashed through her head, the spinning imagery almost making her throw up all over the floor.

"_Tell me that you love me!"_

She shuddered, then retreated back to that empty place in her mind which dulled the pain she lived with every day. Idiot Shinji. Acting like he wanted to get close, then rejecting her outright. It didn't matter that much to her, he was just one more stepping stone on the path the greatness. Or perhaps to her grave.

For her, either one would suffice.

She watched the ceiling of her room for a moment, wondering if the beams above would support a noose. Then an image of hanging woman came to her mind.

'_Not that way'_ She growled internally, _'Never that way.'_

The victims of hanging became so ugly if they were left for long. Asuka, when she finally achieved her goal, wanted to be either a serene beauty, or a mess that could only be ladled into a bucket. No half-measure would do for the great Asuka Langley Soryu.

Still, when she had been with Shinji, she had begun to feel again.

"_Tell me that you want me!"_

But Shinji didn't want Asuka. He wanted… what did he want exactly? She remembered that finding that out had been important at some point. It had been a strange sensation to her, finding out what someone else wanted, rather than just focusing on taking whatever she wanted herself. Usually her mere presence was enough to reward those who flocked to her. So why couldn't Shinji just get with the program?

She tried to imagine a time when she had not been wanted. A brief vision flashed across her mind, a kind face with a heart-breaking smile.

'_I've forgotten you!' _She howled internally, _'Get out of my head!'_

Yes, there never really had been a time when she had not been wanted, admired, and even loved by everyone around her. It was strange to think that Shinji Ikari just couldn't find his proper place, but she supposed that there were deviants to be found in every world. It appeared that Shinji Ikari was the one which occupied hers.

Besides, last night she had sensed something snap inside of him. Whatever had driven him to be the square peg in the holes where she organized her mind, was certainly gone now. It would be wonderful to have the world once again conform to her wishes. She wondered briefly if there would be any more notes to burn. She remembered enjoying that.

She remembered enjoying it more when Shinji had joined her.

Asuka's door slid open.

"Pervert!" She yelled, struggling to her knees, only to realize that it was Rei who stood in the doorway, not Shinji Ikari.

She felt strangely disappointed.

"We have a mission," Rei said calmly, "Come to the table and I will debrief you. Be swift."

The door slid shut, and Asuka growled about how stupid was that the Japanese didn't put locks on their doors. If that had been Shinji, he could have easily walked in while she was naked. That thought sent a little thrill through her body. She enjoyed the feeling for a moment before throwing on some shorts and a t-shirt.

Stomping out to the table, she swiped up a ration bar and scarfed it down before standing imperiously over Rei, her foot tapping with impatience.

"Well?" She asked.

"Please take a seat Soryu-san." Rei replied, her expression never altering from its cool indifference.

Asuka remained standing.

"Very well." Rei said, sliding Asuka's phone across the table.

"When did you take my phone!?" Asuka snarled, snatching it up, "This is my private property, how are you-"

"You have a high priority message from NERV." Rei cut her off, "Please read it, I will fill you in on the details."

Asuka glanced at the message then slipped the phone into her pocket, "A mission eh? Another chance to show off my greatness."

"Your combat record does not imply greatness." Rei said calmly, "Please sit."

Asuka complied, but only because her feet were tired.

"Take this." Rei said, handing her a pill.

Asuka dry-swallowed the pill, and Rei took the time to observe her mouth before nodding.

"You already know the timeline," Rei said, "Your mission is to capture a putative Angel which is gestating within the heart of a volcano. Unit-02 has been re-equipped with HEV equipment, and will be undertaking the task of capture, or kill, if it becomes necessary."

"Great, then-" Asuka said, beginning to rise.

"Sit. Down." Rei spoke, her voice like breaking ice.

Asuka, despite herself, dropped back into her seat.

"Before I let you go, I would like to discuss the issue of pilot Ikari with you." Rei continued, her voice still frosty.

"There is no way in hell I'm going to talk to you about what we do in private!" Asuka snarled, beginning to stand, "It was bad enough that you walked in after the matter!"

A faint hissing sound sped past her ear, followed by a solid 'thunk,' as a knife buried itself in the wall behind her. A lock of Asuka's hair drifted lazily to the table, and the girl stared in disbelief as she watched Rei carefully arrange three more throwing knives on the table before her.

"Sit." Rei said calmly, looking up at her.

Asuka slowly lowered herself back into her chair, "You're crazy."

"On the contrary," Rei said mildly, "It is you who has thus far exhibited signs of mental instability. Narcissism, delusions, psychosis. More lately, major depressive disorder and suicidality. Shinji has tried to reach you with the power of kindness and compassion, and will again at a future date. For now, it appears that the only language you respond to is force. Therefore, I have decided to exercise it."

Asuka's felt the burning rage inside of her swell, even as the dark cocoon which kept her safe deepened its chill, "You know nothing about me."

"It is more correct to say that I do not know _everything_ about you," Rei said, "Because I happen to know very many things about you pilot Soryu. It is time for you to listen and do so closely. The next time you stand without my permission, I will aim for your arm with this first knife. If you attempt to walk away, I will cripple a leg with the second."

"What about the third knife?" Asuka asked, eyeing it warily.

"That one is special," Rei said, "I will tell you about it before I dismiss you."

Rei continued, "Based on your behavior since awakening, it appears as if you believe you have reasserted some form of control over your life. The drug and depression induced haze which has characterized your condition so far is either gone, or well buried by now."

"Allow me to disabuse you of that sense of self-control," Rei said, "You may believe that by tearing down someone dear to me that you have somehow elevated yourself. This is patently false. Shinji may be broken right now, but he will heal. He may scar and become less emotionally flexible than he was, but I promise you that he will become who he was once again in a shorter amount of time than you can fathom. He will bear the marks of what you did to him for the rest of his life, but he has borne, and will bear, heavier burdens than even that which you are capable of inflicting on him."

"As he heals, that sense of control will fade, and you will attempt to bring him down again in an effort to make yourself look greater than you are." Rei continued, "This is where my first warning comes into play."

Rei picked up the first knife before her, "When the time comes that you seek to abuse his kindness once again, I will not hold myself back. If you lay a finger on him in true violence, with intent to destroy or injure, I will take the arm attached to that finger. If your raucous crowing begins to damage his psyche, I will take your tongue. If the darkness in you tries to consume him, I will be the purifying light that burns you to ash."

"You'll be thrown in jail the moment you touch me," Asuka remarked haughtily, "Face it Wondergirl, if I want to hurt Shinji, there is nothing that you can do to stop me."

"You are making two false assumptions," Rei said, her voice perfectly calm, "You assume that I care about consequences, and that the Commander will prevent me from fulfilling my purpose."

Rei set the knife down, then picked up the second one, "Somewhere in that labyrinth you call a mind you know that what you did was wrong. You have been violated in a pernicious way, a way in which my mind too was touched, that has completely warped your perception of the world around you. While there was certainly something wrong with you to begin with, that wrongness has been amplified tenfold. You may not want to, or may even be incapable, of remembering the exact moment at which this warping occurred, but it has happened."

"At some point in your life, you willingly gave up your free will for a set of chains pilot Soryu," Rei said calmy, "You are a slave and a puppet."

Asuka's face brightened, "How dare you! I'll kill yo-"

As Asuka kicked back her chair, she saw Rei swipe up the first knife. With unerring accuracy, she sent it spinning into Asuka's forearm.

Asuka screamed.

Rei watched while the girl howled, her eyes transfixed by the weapon embedded in her flesh.

"The damage is superficial at best," Rei said calmly through the sounds, "Sit down and do not move it, otherwise you will cause real damage."

After a minute, Asuka was seated again, the hand of her uninjured arm wrapped around the injured one, stemming the blood flow and easing the pain.

"You bitch!" Asuka growled, breathing heavily.

"It would be wise of you to think carefully before attempting to anger me pilot Soryu." Rei said calmly, rolling the second knife over her fingers, "As of now you are still perfectly capable of piloting Unit-02 on this mission. I would hate to have to injure you enough that I was required to take your place."

Asuka grew sullen, but quiet.

"Now that you are aware of how serious I am, perhaps I will be able to finish without interruption." Rei said, setting the knife down.

"Shinji and I are connected in a very special way," Rei said, "I tell you this so that you know that everything that he felt yesterday, I felt too. In a way, I am partially culpable for allowing things to continue. I believed that Shinji was carrying out another one of his plans until the very end, at which point I was too late to do anything but try and alleviate the problem you have created for all of us. In any case, I want you to recognize that if I ever feel the things from him that I felt yesterday while you were using him to fulfill your twisted desires…"

"I will kill you." She said softly, holding up the third knife, "There is no place you will be able to run, nowhere that you could possibly hide, that I will not be able to track you down and gut you like a fish. It will bring me no joy to do so, as it will mean that you have destroyed one of the few things in this world that I love. I will do it for the sake of all other people who also have something they love, to prevent you from destroying their happiness too."

"We will die together you and I," Rei whispered, "Because after this last mission is complete, I will have no reason to live. Our blood will mix in a testament to the love I feel for Shinji Ikari, and perhaps it will wash away the sin of my failure."

She set the knife down and reached out with her hand, causing Asuka to flinch back involuntarily. The way that the girl had spoken had not been angry or vindictive. It had been cold as midwinter ice. Asuka thought that she had learned how to deaden her feelings to escape pain. She now realized that the place where Rei Ayanami had come from was a hell where the only thing you really felt was, empty.

"Am I allowed to leave?" Asuka said, "Or am I supposed to sit here and watch you play with your knives while you bemoan the fate of your boyfriend?"

Rei nodded, but continued to fiddle with the knives on the table, making sure that they were perfectly straight. Asuka stood up and yanked the blade from her skin, tossing it down onto the table. She was quite proud of the fact that the only sound she made was a hiss of indrawn breath.

Looking down at Rei, she decided on an adequate reply to Rei's little speech, "Try me, bitch."

Asuka went to the bathroom to deal with her injury. As she washed and dressed her wound, the darkness inside of her blazed with feverish flame. One thought wandered through her brain, its musings accented by occasional stabs of pain from her ministrations.

How does one melt the queen of ice?

XXXXXX

Rei left the apartment, contemplating Soryu's last words. The girl would certainly not be intimidated, that was for sure. However, Rei felt that she had established some kind of boundary with her, perhaps even a relationship, in the most twisted sense of the word. She wondered briefly if she had been a little too extreme.

A wave of emotions from last night crashed through her, and Rei decided that she may not have been extreme enough.

Rei stepped into her apartment and quickly began stripping down. She quickly donned the spare plugsuit which she kept in case of emergencies, then looked at herself in the mirror. Rei had never really been vain, but she had been 'gifted' with enough time alone to memorize every inch of herself. There was something new in her eyes, a darkness that didn't come from an enemy. It was a being of her own creation.

"I guess I should thank you pilot Soryu," Rei said to the mirror, "Shinji showed me that I have the capacity to love, but you have shown me that I also have the capacity to hate. Could it be that love and hate are two sides of the same coin?"

She reached out and touched the picture which was carefully slotted into the top corner of the mirror. It depicted Shinji, Hikari, and Rei, all sitting together under their tree, courtesy of Kensuke Aida photography. A smile creased her lips as those memories played through her mind.

"All the same," She whispered, "I prefer love."


	29. Firewalker

Better Angels

Chapter 29

Firewalker

**Tuesday, 1230 hours, 13 days since Israfel**

Shinji stood above a gaping maw which seemed to lead to hell itself. The heat coming through the vent was enough to make the LCL around him feel like a sauna rather than the normal body temperature stuff that he was used to.

'_Why am I even here?' _Shinji thought morosely, _'Why am I fighting so hard? Maybe Asuka was right, maybe I should just, let it all go.'_

"Hey Shinji," Maya called, "You're sitting at about thirty percent right now, is everything okay?"

Shinji managed a weak shrug at the camera, "Just feeling down I guess."

"Okay," Maya sounded worried, "It shouldn't be a real problem, today's operation is just a snatch and grab. You're only here for insurance."

"That somehow doesn't make me feel much better." Shinji muttered.

Looking over, he spotted the contraption that would lower Unit-02 into the volcano trundling over. The absurd figure of Asuka's Eva would have made him laugh, if the thought of her being inside of it didn't make him queasy. Shinji had so far avoided seeing the pilot directly, and had even gone so far as to refuse a video message from her. Shinji was glad he had read the plug's communications manual and learned the pilot overrides. Audio couldn't be helped, but he thought he might be able to endure this operation if he didn't have to look at her face.

He glanced over at the feed from the command van and saw Misato wave. He smiled back silently, but found that his arm was just too heavy to lift in reply. His low sync ratio necessitated the use of the cameras which he had eschewed for so long, and the experience of having to observe the area around him through the three-sixty view that was projected by the walls was a little disorienting.

The cameras showed him a figure on the crane tapping out a few buttons. Zooming in, he saw that it was none other than Kodama Horaki. As if sensing his regard, she turned her head up to Unit-01 and waved cheerfully. Shinji tilted Unit-01's head in response. When Kodama turned back to her work, Shinji noted that the band she was using to pull her hair back was a segmented purple and green.

The empty place where his heart was felt just a little bit warmer.

'_Something is wrong'_ Misato thought, watching Shinji's sync ratio fluctuate wildly, _'Shinji is usually the highest rated of the pilots when he's actually inside an Eva.'_

Grabbing a mobile comm unit, she stepped out of the command vehicle and found a discrete spot before activating it. Asuka was being lowered into the lava, but Misato knew that it would be at least another ten minutes before they reached sufficient depth to even begin to spot the Angel.

Flicking the switch on the unit, she set it to a private channel with Unit-01 and spoke, "Hey Shinji."

"Misato." Shinji responded, his voice dull.

'_He sounds just like Asuka right now'_ Misato mused.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" She asked gently, then awkwardly added, "Honey?"

Much to her chagrin, he heard something like a laugh come through the line.

"Hey!" Misato growled, her face beet red, "I'm trying to help."

The sad laughter continued for a moment before he spoke, "I, no, thanks Misato. I know, it's just… you're not really my mother, and I never thought I would hear you say anything like that in my life."

"Yeah well," She groused, "I'm worried about you."

Shinji sighed, "I appreciate it, let's just get through this and we can talk at home."

That emptiness was back, but there was a little vigor behind it now.

"Okay Shinji," She said, "Just promise me that you'll do whatever it takes to get back there. I'm counting on you."

An edge of steel crept into Shinji's voice, "I won't let you down Misato. Not you, not ever."

"Shinji," She said, then her voice faded to a mumble.

"What?" He asked.

Misato tried again, but the words were still garbled.

"I'm still not getting you." Shinji replied, "Is something wrong."

"I said I love you!" Misato snapped, then blushed as a nearby tech raised an eyebrow.

Shinji smiled inside his plug, "I love you too Misato. I'll protect you, no matter what."

"Don't say weird things like that!" Misato snapped, "You make it sound like you're going to die out there. I swear mister, if you die on me today, I will drag you out of that plug and kill you again myself."

"Understood." He whispered, the smile still on his face.

"Back to work soldier," Misato said, her voice more even, "I'll see you on the other side."

Misato stepped gingerly around a large canister. It was a vaguely discomforting feeling to know that there was an N2 landmine within literal spitting distance of you command center, but the precaution had been required by the JSSDF after Colonel Dunham had refused the task.

She smiled as she recalled that conversation:

"_Ma'm" Colonel Dunham said, saluting her, "In all honesty, it is very difficult for me to order an N2 strike on Lieutenants Ikari and Soryu, even though I know they are capable of surviving it. It will be a cold day in hell before I authorize an N2 strike the entirety of NERV's remote command staff and the third engineering division. I like to sleep for at least two hours before waking up screaming."_

"_I appreciate you coming to me first," He said, "But you may take the Commander's suggestion and kindly tell him to shove it up his dorsal exhaust port."_

The Japanese government it seemed, was less of a romantic than the good Colonel. Or at least more pragmatic. The worst part was that even though Misato was charged with setting the thing off if things went sideways, the JSSDF was also in possession of a backup trigger. Just in case.

'_Suicide,' _She thought grimly, _'Or execution. Lovely.'_

She really hoped that the commander of the observer plane wasn't trigger happy.

As she stepped back into the command center Misato heard a report that Asuka was approaching the depth of the original contact.

"It looks like it's still there," Ritsuko said, indicating the dark blur, "Pattern is still blue, so it's not just an error. Asuka, it's going to float past you in thirteen point six-two seconds, get ready with the capture device."

"Yeah yeah," Asuka responded, "I don't need a babysitter telling me what to do."

"I'm going to kill that girl someday." Ritsuko remarked, placing a hand over her microphone to prevent the communication from going through.

Misato watched as the Angelic embryo floated towards Unit-02. It's movements were a little stilted, it looked almost like…

"Abort!" Misato yelled, "Retract the cable, Asuka, draw your weapon."

"What are you doing Misato!" Ritsuko yelled, even as the cable began to reverse at a rapid pace, albeit too slow for Misato's liking.

Misato gestured at the form on the screen, "Look right there, what is that?"

Ritsuko leaned in closer, then gasped, "It's an appendage. Has it really grown just a single tentacle so quickly?"

"That's not the appendage," Misato said, her finger slamming down on the embryo, "That is. We've been duped."

"All units, pull back!" Misato yelled, "Shinji, prepare for contact!"

A wave of humanity swept past Shinji's legs as the third engineering division desperately tried to escape the caldera of flames, which now boiled and frothed, as if ready to vomit forth plumes of fire at any moment.

In the command center, the feed from Asuka went fuzzy, replaced by a 'no video' screen and the terrible sound of a teenage girl screaming in pain.

"There's a huge mass coming up the-" Maya tried, only to have Misato tear her away from her terminal.

"Run you idiots!" She yelled at the command staff, clutching the remote communicator in her other hand, "It's going to blow!"

Misato was wrong, it wasn't going to blow.

With a screech that sent the bones of every person on the mountain humming in sympathy, a massive, sinuous form erupted from the lake of lava. Rocks and magma rained down catching the fleeing engineers and bringing down more than a few. Remarkably, the uninjured quickly set about lifting, carrying, or at the very least dragging their comrades along, though there were many who would never see another day.

Shinji pushed out his AT field in an attempt to shield the stream of humanity flowing past himself, but with his current ratio, all it was really doing was slowing down the debris.

'_Why am I fighting?'_ Shinji thought, _'I could just… let this all happen. Let it all go. I can't fight this monster, maybe Rei can.'_

He stared up at the beast. This Angel had gone all out it seemed, the visible portion of its body resembling a giant, armored leech. Its mouth was split into six segments, which were now open wide as it trumpeted a challenge, giving a view of a maw which shone with the light of magma which it had probably ingested on the way up. He watched in fascination as two appendages, resembling nothing if not two smaller heads, erupted from the volcano as well and slamming into the rock, supporting the beast as it surveyed the scene before it.

Shinji briefly noted that the one on the left held the struggling form of Unit-02 pinned against a wall, its HEV suit shattered in places, exposing blackened limbs. He thought he could hear enraged screaming somewhere on one of the channels which was now open into his plug.

'_Spirits above,' _Shinji thought, _'This thing is big. I wonder where the core is.'_

Another part of him, the part that had listened to Caine, spoke then, _'I wonder how you like the feeling Asuka. Do you like being helpless?'_

Shinji took his sonic glaive in two hands, but his movements felt sluggish, as if he were moving through molasses.

'_Right,' _He thought, _'30% is all I've got right now. Is this what Rei has to deal with? How on earth is she so graceful when everything she does is almost a literal second behind her thoughts?'_

Glancing down, he saw that Kodama, who had been operating the crane, had slid down the ladder to the ground and was hauling a fellow engineer away from the monster. Shinji felt a deep sense of sorrow as he saw the sight. He was fairly certain what was coming next, and Hikari's older sister would not have time to escape it.

In reality, none of the now retreating forms would make it.

Looking up, Shinji saw what looked like a set of gills on the side of the Angel's truly enormous head flare, causing the creature to increase its width by at least half again. This was ridiculous, now it was wider than Unit-01's arm span.

'_Why fight?' _He wondered hopelessly, lowering his head, _'When all it does is bring me pain?'_

The sonic glaive dropped from his hands, carving a deep furrow with its vibrating head as it clattered to the ground.

Was this a world he really wanted to save? A world where the people he was trying to help only hurt him? Wouldn't it really be better to just let Caine and the Angels have their way?

Just.

Watch.

Shinji thought he could hear laughter. A deep laugh that echoed through the emptiness of his soul.

Could it really be worth saving creatures whose very souls were made up of the stuff of darkness?

An undulating wave rippled up the Angel's body, and Shinji could already feel the boiling heat of the magma which was about to be expelled upon the people around him. Kodama must be cooking right now. He glanced down, and saw that she had grabbed another fallen comrade, and was now desperately dragging two people towards him.

'_Towards me,'_ He thought, _'There's no way that I could stop all of that stuff, even if she reached me in time. Why can't she just give up and accept what's going to happen?'_

"Shinji!" Shinji's head jerked up as Misato's voice echoed through his plug, "Listen to me Shinji. I need you to draw your AT field in as close as you can. Do whatever you have to do Shinji, just stay alive. Promise me that."

'_Why fight?'_ Shinji thought again, the heat of the Angel's attack reaching a crescendo as it prepared to spit, _'Why survive?'_

"I love you Shinji." Misato said, no anger or sadness in it, no hesitation.

Just love.

Time froze as Shinji sank into the world between worlds. He stood on a high cliff that overlooked the brilliant soul of Unit-01. He looked around himself, seeing the darkness, feeling that it was a part of himself. A small child wept on the ground next to him, the boy's body bound by the chains that Shinji had carefully woven over the course of his life. Chains to separate forever that part of himself that he hated and feared most.

His pain

'_If you can accept the pain of others,'_ A quiet voice, his own voice, whispered, _'Why can't you embrace your own?'_

Gently, he knelt down, and with the brush of a hand, the chains which he had so carefully crafted shattered. His own face turned up to look at him, and he enfolded the child in his arms. Lifting the boy up, he cradled him and stepped up to edge of the precipice.

He was darkness.

But he was also light.

"I'm sorry." He said to the boy.

He was hope.

And despair.

"That it took me so long to realize this."

He was love.

And when that wasn't quite enough.

"As much as I fear you, you are a part of me as well."

He would be hate itself.

"I accept you." He whispered to himself.

Turning, he dropped backwards into the light. All of him.

Shinji opened his eyes to the world outside. He could hear the screams and yells of the engineers around him. He could see the Angel as magma roiled out of its belly, heading directly for him.

Shinji took a step forward, his foot crashing to the ground within a couple meters of Kodama. Stretching out his hand, he reached deep inside himself, to a place where light and darkness met. To a place where even he, a pitiful, broken excuse for a man, had the power to protect the things he loved.

And he pushed.

_THRUUUM_

Shinji's AT field burst into brilliant life, orange octagons crystallizing in the air as the blast of superheated rock roiled against it. A deep burning pain swept through Shinji's body as he bore the full brunt of that attack. He welcomed it, no, he embraced it.

"Maya!" He yelled.

Maya, who of course had fled the command center with a laptop, blasted through a series of commands as she knelt on the ground next to Misato.

"Deploying prog knife!" She called back, "I'm painting the area where we're detecting the largest surge of energy, that should be the core!"

Shinji swept the weapon free and lowered his shoulder, charging forward at the rapidly cooling wall. As he impacted it, Shinji pushed again with his AT field, and the wall of rock before him exploded forward. Debris showered down into the volcano, sending up splashes of magma around the base of the Angel.

With a great heave, Shinji threw himself forward across the gap that separated him from the Angel. A brief moment of resistance told him that he had torn through the Angel's AT field, and he drove forward with his knife.

The weapon skittered off the armored hide of the Angel.

Shinji caught hold of one of the armored plates and began hammering at the spot that Maya had indicated, his knife throwing sparks, but doing no real damage. The Angel undulated, and Shinji was suddenly thrown through the air by a third limb that rose from the magma below.

Smashing into the ground, Shinji turned his skid into a roll and came up, observing the Angel as it unleashed a deafening roar into the air.

"Shinji!" Misato called.

Shinji glanced over his shoulder to see Misato gesturing wildly at a large cylinder. The N2 mine that the JSSDF had so kindly provided. Shinji took careful aim and hurled his prog knife at the Angel's face. The weapon sailed into the gaping maw, and it arched back, unleashing another roar as the weapon found something soft.

Spinning, Shinji swiped up the warhead and began sprinting. The Angel recovered from his attack and sent another stream of magma roaring at him. Once again, Shinji deflected the attack with his AT field. As he cleared the newly improvised wall, Shinji reversed direction and leaped atop the sludgy mass. His feet burned as they began to sink into not-quite-solid mass, and he turned to face the Angel.

"Mrrrrrrrrrr." He growled, feeling something holding back his voice.

_CRACK_

The restraints which held Unit-01's mouth closed, his mouth, sheared away with a scream of tortured metal. Shinji howled in challenge. The monster spread its mouth wide and roared in return.

The Angel dove towards its prey, intent on swallowing him whole. Shinji drew back, then uncoiled like a spring, launching the N2 mine into the gullet of the monster. A moment later, Shinji felt pain as dozens of razor sharp teeth drove through the titanium-B armor protecting his body. From his vantage point inside the Angel's mouth, Shinji saw the N2 mine disappear down what passed for the creature's gullet.

"Do it!" He screamed, desperately shaping his AT field.

"Wait for it…" Maya whispered, watching the location indicators of the core and the mine, _'If I'm about to die, I'm going to do this right'_

'_Now!'_

Maya's finger broke the enter button on her keyboard as she launched the command that would probably kill everybody on the mountain. The Angel froze, then expanded outward for an impossibly long second, before erupting in every direction in flash of brilliant white light.

Briefly, Misato wondered why her eyes hurt. She was certain that she should have been vaporized instantly by being this close to an N2 landmine's detonation. Furthermore, she had thrown up a hand to cover her face, so even if by some miracle…

Opening her eyes, she realized that the light she was seeing shone straight through her entire arm, jacket and all, dampened only by the shadows of her bones. She really hoped no one had been looking directly at the Angel when the blast went off.

In the distance, JSSDF observers noted a massive pillar of nuclear fire blooming up into the sky in a perfectly cylindrical shape, before suddenly blooming outwards in a rain of magma and debris that crashed to the forest surrounding the mountain. At the epicenter of that pillar was a shadow, suspended in the air. When the fury of the blast had mostly dissipated, a charred, but still recognizable, humanoid form arced lazily through the air, before crashing to the ground at the base of said mountain and lay perfectly still.

XXXXXX

Rescue operations proceeded smoothly after that. Emergency crews quickly dealt with any wildfires that had cropped up in the impromptu eruption, and medical personnel were airlifted in to deal with any casualties that could not be immediately moved. In all, there were sixteen deaths and seventy-two injuries. Shinji felt every single one, the pain bitter, but a pain he now knew that he needed to embrace, lest it destroy him.

Shinji himself sat on the bumper of an ambulance next to a very red Kodama, courtesy of being too close to a magma breathing Angel. The paramedics had checked him out and said that he was physically fine, although Ritsuko had made a fuss of the psychosomatic feedback he must be experiencing from being at the epicenter of an N2 strike.

Shinji himself was surprised that he was still conscious. He had blacked out momentarily when the world went white, and he had thought for a moment he might have died when he had awoken to find himself floating as Unit-01 reached the apex of its flight. The harrowing experience of falling from that height convinced Shinji he would never be thrilled by riding a rollercoaster.

He remembered splitting the strength of his AT field, using part of it as an anchor to hold himself in place, and the other to direct the blast upwards, away from everybody on the mountaintop. It was the only thing he could think to do. It had been tremendously stupid, but Shinji Ikari never claimed to be a particularly intelligent person. Besides, Misato had been out there.

Right before his strength had failed and the blast wave had taken him, Shinji remembered something else. A feeling which rushed through his body, and the distinct impression of another presence in the plug with him. That presence had split his AT field a third time, wrapping it directly around Unit-01. This prevented it from being completely mangled by the blast, and preserved Shinji's own fragile self. Though the be honest, the real reason he had survived was because the Angel's hide had been so thick that by the time the WMD had broken through its hide, the blast had less than half of its original power.

Taking a drink, Shinji pondered on that presence. He knew for a fact that Rei, well, Rei number one at least, was the soul which allowed his Rei to interface with Unit-00. It stood to reason that his own Eva had a soul which allowed him to interface. He felt certain that the presence he had felt was not himself. It had been… something else. He had felt love flowing from that being, but there was no definite form to it, as if it were a creature incomplete in some way.

Thinking about this, he suddenly recalled his experience with the soul of Unit-02.

'_Asuka's mother killed herself'_ He thought, _'The woman I saw in there, could it have been… no. It couldn't be, could it?'_

Shinji glanced over at Asuka, who was sitting by herself on a log, a towel draped around her shoulders. Strangely enough, looking at her didn't fill him with the expected sense of dread. There was something there: Fear, anger, possibly hate. But now that he had embraced the pain of his past, it was like comparing a candle to the sun. The only real thing he felt when he looked at the hunched figure sitting there alone was pity. Shinji was not sure what he should think of that.

Shinji's thoughts were suddenly derailed as Asuka looked up. It wasn't her face that threw him off, but the look of shock and joy which filled her expression. Baffled, Shinji followed her gaze to a suited man who had stepped out of a black sedan. The man removed his sunglasses, and Shinji was surprised to see that he had eyes the same shade as Shinji's own. He also had black hair.

In fact, in a way, he looked like Shinji sometimes imagined he might look if he managed to survive to grow up.

Asuka rushed up to the man and stopped in front of him. For a moment she just looked, then drew back a hand and slapped him.

"Par for the course." Shinji muttered, then froze as Asuka _embraced_ the man.

The shuddering of her shoulders told him that she was either laughing or crying.

"Misato?" Shinji said.

Misato, who had been talking to someone nearby, turned to him, "What's up Shinji?"

"Who is that?" He asked, pointing at the black sedan which had disgorged the man.

"Oh," Misato said, "That's Phoenix team, the Commander sent them to pick up Asuka. He wanted to personally debrief her."

"Okay," Shinji paused, "But why is my father sending for Asuka all of the sudden?"

"Shinji," Misato said, touching his arm, "I know you're curious, but I'm ordering you right now to stay where you are and keep drinking that bottle of water. You're in no condition to go running off. I have some things to take care of, so just stay here, okay?"

Shinji nodded and remained where he was, though his thoughts were running at full bore now. Misato moved away.

Something wasn't right. Shinji didn't recognize any of those men, and he had met every single member of Phoenix team in the days where he had been responsible for Asuka.

_Listen to your Commander._

_Just._

_Watch._

Shinji looked over at Kodama, who was still wearing her tool belt. There was a rather large screwdriver hanging from one of the loops.

"Kodama-san." Shinji said, indicating the tool, "Can I borrow that?"

Kodama shrugged and flipped the tool out of her belt, proffering it to him. "Sure thing Shinji."

Shinji took the tool and checked its balance. It was no knife, but it would do in a pinch. Shinji reached over to his backpack and pulled out the earbud which Inara had given him. Shoving it in his ear, he tapped it twice.

"Phoenix team, come in." Shinji said.

Silence.

Removing the earbud, Shinji dropped it back into his bag. With a groan, he got his feet under him and stepped down from his perch on the ambulance.

"Shinji," Kodama said, "I'm pretty sure the captain just said-"

"Do me a favor Kodama," Shinji said as he began moving slowly, every fiber of his being screaming at him to stop, "Go tell Misato that Asuka is about to be murdered."

Shinji didn't bother to see if she was going to obey. Instead, he began trotting.

'_Why does Caine want Asuka?'_ He wondered, _'He already has his hooks in her.'_

As Shinji closed the distance between himself and the three men, two of which were now lounging by the car as the third spoke softly with Asuka a few meters away.

'_Could it be, that this was never about Asuka?'_ He wondered.

**Just let her go**

'_Is it about… me?'_ Shinji wondered, _'Has it always been about me?'_

**You hate her!**

'_In a way,' _Shinji admitted, _'I do.'_

**Then why save her?**

Shinji closed with the two men, the screwdriver held in a reverse grip to keep it hidden from their sight.

'_Because if I let you take her' _Shinji replied, _'It doesn't say anything new about you or her. It says something about me.'_

"Man, I'm burning up. How about you?" Shinji remarked to the men.

"We'll need you to back up Ikari-san." One of the men said, his hand moving towards a bulge beneath his jacket, "We're on official business."

'_And I'm tired of letting the actions of others define me.'_ Shinji thought.

The pass phrase which Inara had given Shinji was known only to Phoenix team. It wasn't even written down. These men had just failed the last test that he could administer right now. According to protocol, he should talk to his supervisor about people impersonating Section Two agents. It was three on one, and each of them probably had a gun. The odds weren't good, he should just back down and go tell Misato, rather than risking his own, rather valuable life.

_Introduce a little chaos into the mix. Be less predictable._

Shinji decided he would have to thank Kasumi later.

"Wrong answer." He said.

In a blur of motion, Shinji slammed the screwdriver up through the diaphragm and into the heart and lung of the man who had been reaching for his weapon. The tool slid under the ceramic plate designed to prevent a direct thrust, and Shinji heard air rush from the man's throat as the lung collapsed. He tore the weapon free and blood sprayed across the ground.

Another blur, and the screwdriver drove home into the second man's throat. He dropped to his knees, scrabbling at his now ruined airway. Shinji kicked him in the jaw for good measure, the crunch of breaking bone accompanying the man as slumped.

Turning to his doppleganger, Shinji saw that the man was drawing his sidearm. Shinji briefly thought to roll behind the car, until he realized that if he went for cover, the man could just shoot Asuka. Now that the game was up, the man probably knew he was dead already. If Caine's lackeys were all as fanatical as the ones he had met, this one would certainly make sure he accomplished his task before dying.

With a roar, Shinji hurled the screwdriver. It arced gracefully through the air, on a perfect collision course with the man. Shinji could almost hear the weapon embed itse-

The man caught it.

Shinji's mouth dropped open as the man raised his pistol.

'_And this is how I die.'_ Shinji thought.

The man grinned, then turned, bringing the pistol to bear on Asuka. She took an involuntary step back as confusion and hurt flashed across her face

Shinji closed his eyes.

_Bam_

_Bam_

_..._

_Bam_

Shinji's ears registered the sound of a body hitting the ground. When he opened his eyes he realized that it wasn't his doppelganger who had taken the shot, but a certain violet haired captain standing off to the side with a smoking gun. The man who had been about to take Asuka's life lay on the ground, two pistol rounds embedded in his Kevlar vest, and a final one placed right between his eyes.

Asuka fell to her knees next to the man, threw back her head, and screamed.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

I sat down and wrote this fairly quickly, then split it. Then edited it. Then rewrote it.

I'm so bloody tired right now.

For those of you worried about the quick turnaround, I ask you to trust me, as we're going to spend the next couple chapters talking about our feelings.

A special thanks to my reviewers, who are part of the reason why I continue to write this fic and help make it better.

Thank you to every last one of you, I know that your time is valuable, and I appreciate that you spend it here with me.

-Seratar


	30. Broken Wings

Better Angels

Chapter 30

Broken Wings

**Thursday, 1500 hours, 2 days since Sandalphon**

Commander Ikari was sitting at his desk, hands folded in his signature pose as Ritsuko Akagi stood before him. He regarded the woman calmly. Inwardly, the woman was starting to worry him. While she had not failed to continue producing results for their various projects leading towards instrumentality, the woman was becoming increasingly independent of him.

They hadn't been together for quite some time. While Gendo would never admit that he missed the strange form of intimacy that they shared, he was concerned that this change represented more than just a loss of libido from his former lover. In truth, he suspected that Ritsuko was beginning to pull away from him, and that was simply unacceptable. He needed Ritsuko to continue her work, otherwise all of his plans would fall apart.

But what to do to bind her to him completely?

"Commander?" The doctor asked.

"Carry on." He said, gesturing to her.

Ritsuko hesitated. There had been something in his eyes for a moment that had seriously worried her before she had interrupted his thought processes. She couldn't help but feel a little annoyed. He had called her in for a personal debrief on the autopsy of the would-be assassins, then proceeded to ignore half of the things she said.

"The two who were eliminated by your son were nothing special," She said, "Just regular men, nothing especially interesting about their backgrounds or their bodies. Although I believe Shinji has become quite adept at hand to hand combat, based on the precision of the strikes used to kill them."

"And the third?" Gendo asked, ignoring the invitation to discuss his son.

"That was a rather more… interesting case." Ritsuko admitted, "On gross examination he appears to share many features with your son. At first we suspected radical plastic surgery, although for what reason we could not be completely sure, but there are no indications that he has ever gone under a knife. His form is completely natural."

"Second," Ristuko continued, "When we opened him up, he was literally riddled with cancer. Metastatic stage four. We're running tests to see where exactly it originated, but I wouldn't be surprised to find that there were multiple primary lesions. At least half of his liver was just tumor mass."

"We ran genetic testing on him and came up with a multitude of markers showing propensity for malignancy." Ritsuko said, "In all honestly, I'm surprised that this man's mother and father survived long enough to reproduce, let alone that their gonads were in any state to provide feasible gametes for the production of offspring."

Gendo remained silent.

"Commander," Ritsuko asked hesitantly, "I have access to all of NERV's old projects, right?"

Gendo nodded, "You are the NERV science division as far as I am concerned."

"What about Gehirn?" She asked.

Gendo tapped his desk for a moment, then sat back, "What do you need to know?"

"The data for the Ayanami project starts at a very strange place," Ritsuko said, "Almost as if it were built off of another project of similar intent. Some of our earliest Ayanami batches suffered from similar problems to those I am seeing with this man."

"Commander," Ritsuko continued, "Is there any chance that Gehirn was working on a cloning project? If so, is it possible that they might have… lost some of them?"

Gendo opened a drawer of his desk and dropped a file onto his desk, gesturing for Ritsuko to take it.

"This is everything that I was able to find," He replied, "Experimental series 362-S1"

Ritsuko flipped through it, here eyes growing wider as she continued, "This is…"

"A backup plan." Gendo provided, "When it was found that rotating the cores of the Evangelions resulted in… sub-optimal results, SEELE authorized a small group, still working under the auspices of Gehirn, to look into the matter of creating redundancy to the pilot issue."

"This is…" Ritsuko flipped through more pages, "Monstrous. All of them?"

Gendo nodded, "Yes. When the project ran into the difficulties you are seeing, it was put on hold and all the biological material was destroyed."

"You mean all of the children!" She growled.

"Clones." Gendo corrected her, "A later report shows that somebody forgot to add properly, and three of the S-class replicas went missing. We have just found one of those three, although based on your findings, the other two are likely already dead."

"Were you planning on telling me this at any point?" Ritsuko asked, her eyes fiery.

"Only if you drew certain conclusions," Gendo replied, "Information is a dangerous thing doctor. You may not appreciate it, but I keep you in the dark on multiple items for your own protection."

Ritsuko fumed silently.

"You are dismissed doctor." Gendo said, folding his fingers together again, "You may keep that report."

Ritsuko stormed out of his office.

XXXXXX

Shinji laid on his bed, one leg haphazardly hanging off the edge as he desperately tried to create more surface area for the air conditioner to blow on. Staring at the ceiling, he wondered briefly whether or not he should have made better life choices. Like never getting in that robot.

Or whatever it was.

Being within throwing distance, human, not Eva, of an N2 blast turned out to be a blood boiling experience. If one was capable of surviving such an incident. Incidentally, that was exactly what Shinji, with the help of Unit-01, had done. So now he was paying the price for whatever pride had convinced him to do such an insane thing.

Every inch of his body felt it was melting. Worse, because his body wasn't actually melting, his nerves never died from the trauma, and were constantly informing him that at any moment he was going to turn into a puddle of goo. He briefly contemplated preparing an ice bath, but the thought of even moving at the moment almost made him cry.

This was his first major episode of psychosomatic feedback syndrome since defeating the most recent Angel. It was proving to be the worst of all his previous encounters with the problem. Before he had been transported home from the operation site, Maya had approached him:

"_Shinji-kun," She said, stiffening her back slightly and nodding at him in respect, "Akagi-senpai may not have properly communicated this to you, so I'm here to give you some pointers before you leave."_

_Shinji simply looked back at her, wondering if Kodama would ever forgive him for getting blood on her favorite screwdriver._

_Maya turned her laptop towards him, showing him a graph filled with all sorts of numbers. Indicating one of the lines, which showed a precipitous spike at two distinct points, she spoke._

"_This is your sync ratio," She explained, "You can ignore the first, as it won't be relevant to what I am talking about, but the second…"_

_She hesitated, then continued, "Approximately two point eight-four seconds before detonation of the N2 mine, your sync ratio spiked to 153%. While I and everyone here is personally grateful for what you did, I find that it is my duty to inform you that withstanding an explosion of that magnitude at such a high sync ration will have… unforeseen consequences."_

"_We don't have any hard data on the exact proportions, but the strength of your AT field's strength appears to increase directly proportional to your sync ratio." Maya explained, "Unfortunately, we also believe that the severity of any form of psychosomatic feedback syndrome will be just as proportionally increased."_

_Shinji nodded._

"_We would like you to spend your first few nights after this at the hospital, just in case," Maya said._

"_Can I just go home?" Shinji asked._

_Maya hesitated, "Is that what you really want."_

_Shinji nodded._

"_I'll talk to Akagi-senpai," Maya said, "But we'll make other arrangements for you to have someone nearby in case of any complications."_

Shinji very much regretted his stubbornness. At the time that Maya had spoken to him, he had been dealing with a lot of things. But mostly, he had just been extremely tired. The thought of having to go lay in a hospital bed, away from everything that was familiar, had shaken him deeply.

Embracing his pain had given Shinji an inner strength that he had not known he possessed. It did not however nullify the effects of everything that had happened to him in the past two weeks. He was certain that he could face anything right now, but the day before yesterday, with the blood of two men on his hands, he had been uncertain about a lot of things.

A soft knock came at his door.

"Yes?" He said.

"I have brought you several ice packs and a cold drink." Rei said through the door, "May I enter."

"I'm not exactly decent." Shinji noted as lay sprawled in just his underwear.

"I believe this is what Toji would call 'payback' then." Rei said, sliding the door open.

Unconcerned with his state of dress, Rei walked into his room and handed him large cup of tea that was almost slush, with a straw poking out from the side. Then she began removing small foil packets from a bag. With the same attention to detail she always used, Rei began to distribute them to key points around his body.

It was bliss.

"You really don't have to do this." Shinji noted, though the relief in his voice belied his words.

Ignoring the comment, Rei spoke again, "I have drawn you a cold bath. If your symptoms persist for much longer, I will assist you in immersing yourself."

Rei took a thermometer from her pocket and ran it across his forehead. Regarding the digital display for a moment, she nodded and turned to go.

"Hey Rei," Shinji said, "Thank you."

Rei paused, then turned back to him, something akin to sadness in her eyes, "Recently, I have been wholly unsuccessful in fulfilling my role as your protector. It is my great shame that all I can do in these moments is minister to you."

"This isn't your fault Rei." Shinji said, feeling waves of guilt roll through their bond.

"I believe I was the one who convinced you to take the support position against the last Angel, was I not?" Rei said.

Shinji sighed, "Rei, what's your current sync ratio?"

Rei hesitated, "42%"

"According to Ritsuko," Shinji said, "If I had been running anything less than 80% when that N2 mine went off, everybody on the plateau except for me and Asuka would have died. Do you think that I could have lived with myself if I had been standing by here when that happened? Do you think that I could have continued fighting if _you_ had died?"

"I can be replaced," Rei noted.

"I thought we agreed that you wouldn't say things like that any more." Shinji said.

Rei lowered her eyes

"I've spent years fighting because fighting meant that I could ignore my pain," Shinji said softly, "I fought because I knew that if I didn't, then things would only get worse. When that Angel broke free of the mountain, I was seriously considering just letting it fry me, because I honestly thought that that would hurt less than continuing to struggle against this cruel world."

"Then why did you fight?" Rei asked, her voice thick, "I feel your pain now. Why did you fight?"

Shinji smiled, sitting up, the burning pain in his body somehow muted for the moment, "Because I realized something in that moment. My pain, the suffering of my past, wasn't my enemy. It was the one thing that could give me the strength to push forward. All I had to do was use it to change myself, rather than let it change me."

"The same fire that can melt iron is also required to forge it into steel," Shinji explained, "I'm coming more and more to realize that Asuka and I are very similar. We were both hurt as children and have carried that burden with us all of our lives, the pain becoming worse with each new insult added atop it. The difference between us is that I had someone who tried to teach me a very important lesson."

"Pain can break us," Shinji said, "But only when we are broken, are we ready to be made into something new. It was something that was taught to me so that I could help others. Only now do I realize that the most important person to whom that lesson applies is myself."

"She and I have ignored our pain for so long, carried it around with us like a load, that we had become numb to it." Shinji explained, "When Asuka attacked me… She knew exactly what buttons to press, she knew that if she could make me helpless, no matter the situation, it would break down those barriers I had put between myself and that pain, because she lives with the same thing."

"She shattered the walls of discipline that I had put between myself and that part of my life," Shinji expounded, "She made me look it right in the eye, and it broke me, again."

"I wanted to die Rei," He said, "Just so that it would stop."

Shinji continued, "The thing that saved me was Misato. She told me she loved me. The first time I could tell she was embarrassed to say it, but it was true. The second time was just before she knew she would die. Instead of berating me, she told me to protect myself. She told me to live. She told me that she loved me. No hesitation, no fear. It was the last thing she wanted me to hear from her."

"When she said that, it changed something about me," Shinji said, "She knew that I could protect them all, but she knew that for whatever reason, I couldn't do it right then. Rather than get mad, she accepted that something had happened to me, and wanted me to know that she didn't blame me. In that moment, she forgave me for letting her die."

"And I couldn't accept that."

"I realized that if Misato, who was about to pay the ultimate price for my failure, could forgive and embrace me, then maybe I could love that part of myself that I had always thought would destroy me. I embraced my pain. I accepted the fact that I had been hurt, I accepted the fact that when I was hurt, all I could really do was cower in fear. I accepted the part of myself that I despised so much, the part that was helpless to stop such pain."

"I stopped hating myself Rei," Shinji muttered, tears brimming in his eyes, "I didn't realize how much I hated that little boy who had been me until that moment. I locked him away, not out of fear, but because I despised my own weakness. There was nothing that little Shinji could have done to protect himself, but I hated him all the same for what he allowed to happen to me. For what _I_ allowed to happen to myself."

"And when I stopped hating myself," He said, "That weakness became my strength. I had felt pain, so I knew how to endure it. I had felt despair, so I knew exactly what hope was. I had been helpless, so I knew how to grant solace. Everything that I thought made me weaker, just made me better."

"Misato saved more than my body from death that day," Shinji said, "She saved me from becoming a corpse walking around this city, unwilling to die because it didn't realize that it should have just laid down and been still."

Rei was standing there, the tears in his own eyes reflected in hers.

"So don't hate yourself for what you can't control Rei." Shinji whispered, pushing himself to his feet and holding out his hands, "Because I don't."

She rushed into his arms, crushing him in an embrace that threatened to crack more than a few ribs.

"I should have said this a long time ago," Shinji whispered, "I love you Rei."

"I love you." Rei whispered back.

They remained that way for a minute before Shinji interrupted.

"Now about that bath…" He said.

Rei laughed and proceeded helped him.

XXXXXX

In all, Shinji's skin burned for a full half-hour. A new record for him. The last ten minutes were spent in an ice-cold bath, and he had definitely felt it when his skin stopped trying to burn. Rei had been diligent in ensuring that the temperature was as low as possible.

Dressed and ready to face the world again, Shinji was at the table, working his way through a sizable portion of rice and curry. While Rei was no culinary whiz, she was certainly capable of making a decent curry. Though Shinji would have honestly preferred some meat, there was only so much tofu that a man could take.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" Shinji asked the girl sitting across from him.

Rei set down her chopsticks, "My current assignment is to watch over you. Inasmuch as there is no school until Monday, my plans are to remain here and ensure that you do not suffer any other adverse effects."

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asked.

Rei contemplated him for a moment, "I believe that does not exceed the parameters laid out for me by Doctor Akagi. Where would you like to go?"

"The hospital." Shinji said.

Rei froze. For several moments she did nothing, then that frostiness seemed to suck itself directly into her eyes, turning them into hard red crystals.

"I do not believe that you should be visiting that _woman_." Rei said frostily.

Shinji nodded somberly, the thought was more than a little repulsive to himself, "It's something that I would definitely prefer not to do, but there is one last thing I need to do for Asuka before I write her off completely."

"What could you possibly owe to her?" Rei asked.

"Besides the fact that I might be one of the only people on this planet who can come close to understanding her?" Shinji asked, biting off each of his words like they caused him actual pain.

"Yes." Rei replied, meeting him glare for glare.

Shinji sighed, lowering his eyes, "Because Asuka's condition is partially my responsibility."

"You saved her life." Rei pointed out, "You and Captain Katsuragi."

"I believe there is a Chinese proverb about that." Shinji pointed out.

"Don't do this to yourself." Rei urged.

"Can we both agree that Asuka has encountered the man with the golden eyes, his name is Caine by the way, at least once in her life?" Shinji asked.

Rei's eyes remained cold, but she nodded in agreement.

"Why do you think that is?" Shinji asked.

"He wants the Angels to win." Rei replied.

"Yes," Shinji replied, "In the larger picture. But there's more to it than that. I assume that you know that all of our classmates are capable of piloting Eva?"

Rei nodded.

"Then why haven't each of them been targeted as well?" He asked, "What makes Asuka so special that he would visit her to make one of his twisted deals?"

Rei paused, "Because she would have been the best backup we could have hoped for."

"True in a sense," Shinji replied, "But that's not the whole of it. If he simply wanted her out the equation he could have done what he did to you. I don't think there is anybody else on the planet besides me who could break that box, and that only really worked because I had Unit-00 helping me."

Rei thought for a moment, then narrowed her eyes, "You believe that Asuka was made to attack you."

Shinji nodded, "A weapon, carefully crafted by Caine while I was being raised and taught by Nii-san. Twisted enough to break, but not so far that she couldn't be turned into a projectile to strike directly at my heart."

"You are attempting to absolve Asuka of her sins." Rei pointed out.

"Certainly not," Shinji replied, "Caine doesn't lie, and he seems to only act when he is overtly asked to do so. You told me yourself that you wanted him to make the fear go away."

Rei lowered her head and nodded.

"I believe that what happened to Asuka as a child damaged her psychologically," Shinji said, "That, and I think she may legitimately have some form of schizophrenia. In a world without Caine, she would have probably still been an abusive loudmouth."

Shinji continued, "Caine took that about her and did something to her. The man who almost killed her yesterday, I'm certain that she liked him. She might have even loved him. He also happened to look just like me. That's not a coincidence."

"He turned her into an arrow, and loosed her at me," Shinji said, "What she did, it's still her fault. At the end of the day we all get to make our own choices. I just think that Asuka made some of those choices under false pretenses."

"So what do you plan to do?" Rei asked.

Shinji shrugged, "Whatever I can. It's the last thing I will probably ever do for her, but if I want to live with myself, I have to do something. Her condition isn't my fault, but like I said, I am in part responsible for it."

"Very well." Rei said, standing, "We got to battle once more."

"Thanks Rei," Shinji said.

XXXXXX

Shinji and Rei stood at Asuka's bedside. Once again, the girl had been sedated, thought this time it was to prevent her from injuring herself. Upon looking at her, Shinji felt that deep sense of dread, but he also felt the prickle of pity working its way through his system. It would have to do, he was not sure he could feel compassion for this girl right now.

"Are you sure about this?" Rei asked, holding his hand.

Shinji nodded and reached out to touch Asuka's arm. The girl's eyes flashed open, unfocused and darting, before finally resting on his face. Strangely, she smiled a magnanimous smile that didn't quite fit on that hard face.

"It's you…" She said, "I thought it was a dream, but you really came back to me. I tried to forget you…"

Shinji felt spiderweb cracks rush through his resolve. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes.

"Tell me you love me again." She whispered, "And I'll forgive you. I won't try to forget you anymore."

Shinji's fingers clamped down on Rei's hand, and he felt her other reach out and stroke his arm. Warmth flowed between them, the gentle light of the moon soothing in contrast to the burning sun that blazed away before him.

"I… I can't do that." Shinji gasped, opening his eyes.

Asuka's face contorted into a snarl, then relaxed into a pose of despair, "Then why are you here?"

Shinji cast his mind about. Why was he here?

He settled on the only thing he could think of, "To help you let go of me."

Asuka smiled again, "Oh good."

With that, Shinji let himself slip into the darkness.

Once again, a strange storm buffeted the world between worlds. Winds pulled and pushed at him, but he was strengthened by a presence by his side. Reaching out, he completed the connection with Rei, and their presences became one.

The other presence with them was a wall, though now it was eroded and crumbling. A lifetime of abuse had built that wall, and the culmination of that had finally broken it. Gently, Shinji pushed against it and it gave, tumbling to dust.

The storm around them intensified.

Reaching out, Shinji felt Asuka's soul pulse erratically. Instead of focusing on her, Shinji instead began looking for a now familiar feeling. A feeling of something foreign, something… wrong.

After several fruitless moments, he felt something. Following it, he widened his perception of the world and realized that there wasn't a specific place where Caine's influence dwelt, it was wrapped through and intertwined with her entirely. A mass of thorns, laced with pernicious barbs which dug deeply into her, holding her in its power.

Reaching out, Shinji felt that power. Sure enough, bands of light and darkness mingled to create the disease that infested Asuka's soul. A brief flash of his own face filled Shinji's mind, an older face, but still his own, as he made contact with the barbs.

It was Asuka's last wish. To forget the man she loved, to stop feeling pain.

Caine had granted it to her in spades.

Shinji touched another barb. Another wish.

Wish after wish, each one offered in a moment of weakness, each one draining Asuka of what made her human and dripping poison into her soul. Each one making the next decision a little easier to make, until finally she just wished for it all to end. Not just pain, but everything. No more feeling. No love, because love only hurt. No trust, because people would always let you down. No hope, because there was no point in believing in a better world.

In this life, all you could do was take what you wanted, because nobody else would give you the time of day.

He wended his way through the maze, Rei's comforting presence the only thing keeping him from fleeing in absolute terror.

The first wish.

'_Mommy doesn't love me, I don't want to love her.'_

A flash, and a woman with brown hair was before him. Shinji knew that face. It was the spirit inside Unit-02. The wish was a simple one, one that might be offered up by a child in a fit of anger. Unfortunately for Asuka, at that moment in her life, someone had been listening, and had taken advantage of the transient, yet heartfelt rage that only children are capable of.

Shinji grasped that first barb, drew upon all the strength he and Rei could muster, and twisted.

_CRACK!_

It broke free, and the echo he heard was a scream.

'_I don't want to love her!'_

"Then do it yourself." Shinji said, "Don't let somebody else do it for you. Don't give up your freedom to escape your pain."

Silence. The rotten core of the infection shriveled slightly. Shinji wove a patch from his own light and darkness and laid it over the open wound, hoping that it would have some effect.

'_Daddy hates me, let me hate him!'_

"Then hate him on your own," Shinji said, tearing the spike free, "Don't let someone else tell you how to feel. Fight for it if you have to and accept the consequences."

The infection died a little more.

'_I'm an elite Eva pilot, everyone should love me!'_

This one was interesting. Instead of sucking something from Asuka, it took all the adoration that she should have received and instead fed it into the web that was wrapped around her soul. Asuka was almost a genius at getting people to like her if she wanted them to, she certainly had everyone at their high school wrapped around her finger.

"If you would open your eyes and believe it," Shinji whispered, "You would see that they already do."

_CRACK!_

_'I need to make my sync rate grow faster! Teach me how to control this puppet!'_

_CRACK!_

Asuka's wishes became stranger and stranger as they moved forward through time, as if the hooks which Caine had laid into her were altering her mental state as time went on. Shinji had no real doubts that this was the case. For every real, reasonable weakness that he had exploited, a new, unreasonable one would appear because of his influence on her.

Finally, they came to a spot where there was nothing but a peaceful calm. Shinji touched that part, and felt a deep love. He sighed and pulled back, examining the last, and largest spike which penetrated this part of her soul.

"I'm sorry Asuka," He said, "This is the last one. It's your last wish, and probably the one that will hurt the most to remove. If you can survive this, I think you'll make it."

'_Let me forget him, let me forget, love.'_

'_I don't want to feel anymore.'_

Shinji grasped the spike, set himself firmly, and twisted one final time.

_CRACK!_

Shinji opened his eyes as the world around him began falling apart.

The sun had moved conspicuously low to the horizon while they had rooted around through the blasted landscape of Asuka's mind. Shinji's brain felt like it was shrouded in a deep fog, Rei herself could not say that she felt much better.

"What did you leave in there?" Rei asked.

"Besides a good chunk of my light to patch those holes?" He asked, "Just about the only good memory I found when shuffling through the ones that hit me when I synchronized with Unit-02."

A woman holding a red-haired baby.

XXXXXX

When Misato came home Shinji was nursing a massive headache. A combination of ibuprofen and acetaminophen had brought it down to the level where he only felt the occasional throb, but he was still sprawled on the couch, a cool cloth draped across his forehead.

"Shinji?" Misato asked, leaning over the couch.

Shinji gave her a thumbs up, "Still here."

"Do you need anything?" She asked touching the side of his face and feeling no telltale burn of a fever.

"Some of those sleep pills you use wouldn't go amiss in a couple hours." He said, "Otherwise, just try to speak softly."

"Where's Rei?" Misato asked.

"I sent her home," Shinji replied, "She's probably in the same boat that I am. I couldn't stand watching her stumble around trying to take care of me. I had to promise that I would call if anything came up."

"So what happened?" Misato asked, "I don't think this is feedback."

"We went to see Asuka." Shinji replied, then told her about the experience.

At some point, Misato and wriggled her way onto the couch and was cradling Shinji's head in her lap as he spoke. Overall, he didn't mind it so much. After he finished, Misato was quiet for a long time.

"Rei told me what Asuka did to you before the last mission." Misato said.

Shinji sighed, "I was hoping that that particular incident would stay between us."

"Why the hell would you want that?" Misato growled, "It almost got us all killed the other day."

"That wasn't the reason why I couldn't fight." Shinji explained, "That was almost entirely my fault. It's true that Asuka woke that particular beast up, but it was always there inside of me, waiting to be brought to the surface. In a way, we were lucky that things happened the way they did. The Angels are only getting stronger, can you imagine if I suffered a break before one of the ones that are still coming, or heaven forbit, in the middle of a fight with one?"

"So then explain to me exactly what happened." Misato said, "Because I'm having a hard time seeing it."

"Misato," Shinji said, "I haven't been very forthcoming about my past. You know that I have a history of abuse. What you don't know is the extent to which my body and mind were degraded. At one point in my life, I was told that the pain I was undergoing was tailored specifically to break me. A preparation of sorts for things to come."

Misato frowned, "Why?"

"I don't really know, in all honesty, childhood trauma might be a requirement of piloting Eva," Shinji admitted, "But the fallout from that particular phase of my life has been with me for a very long time, always waiting to show up at the most inopportune moments, like the time you slapped me when I first arrived."

Misato watched him silently, the pain in her eyes answer enough for him.

"Even I didn't realize what a ticking time-bomb I was," Shinji said, "But Asuka knew exactly what to do to bring that part of me to a head. It was a targeted strike, and it would have destroyed me. What the minds behind this whole thing didn't account for was you."

"Me?" Misato asked.

Shinji smiled and took one of her hand, "I was meant to be alone when the last Angel appeared. I was supposed to buckle, then break under the weight of everything. Even Rei, who is almost always with me these days, was absent. I thought I was isolated."

"In that deep, dark pit, I thought I had found true despair. Instead, I found you. Do you remember what you told me one the way home after my first fight?"

"I'm your gal," Misato muttered, "Forever and always."

"The most wonderful thing about it is," Shinji whispered, his eyes shining with unshed tears, "You didn't lie."

"Idiot," Misato muttered after a long silence, "Don't you know that you're not supposed to make a woman cry?"

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

Sorry for the late update, I was helping prepare for/at a funeral for most of last week. There will still be an update at the end of this week, although it may be another 'before the stroke of midnight' update, as I have entered crunch time for my upcoming exam.

To those of you who have left reviews, thank you so much, they help the words flow. PMs should be coming out either tonight or tomorrow.

Stay strong,

-Seratar


	31. A Meeting of Three

Better Angels

Chapter 31

A Meeting of Three

**Friday, 1200 hours, 3 days since Sandalphon**

"Okinawa eh?" Shinji asked the phone.

"Ah man!" Toji yelled over the sound of waves in the distance, "You sure are missing out man, there are a ton of babes out here! Some of the girls from school really turned out nice as well!"

"How are Kensuke and Hikari?" Shinji asked.

"Kensuke is Kensuke," Toji replied, "But the class rep… I tell you what, if she was just a little nicer, I wouldn't mind getting close to her right about now. You should see what she's wearing!"

"I'd really rather not," Shinji said, "Hikari is my friend. I'll leave the impure thoughts to you."

"Sorry you had to stay behind," Toji apologized, "But to be honest, it's better this way. If both you and Kensuke were here cramping my style, I probably wouldn't be able to get anywhere with the ladies."

Shinji frowned at the phone, "You realize that I'm actually more popular than you right?"

"In a nerdy way." Toji admitted, "But the girls all come to me when they're looking for the prime specimen of a man. How many teenagers do you know you have an actual six pack?"

Shinji prodded his stomach, "I might."

"Hah," Toji laughed, "Dream on lover boy. I gotta go chase some girls."

"See you Toji." Shinji replied, then ended the call.

Shinji hummed quietly to himself as he began cutting again. Between the problems with Asuka and fighting the Angels, Shinji had somehow forgotten about the class trip to Okinawa. Rei, working beside him, had reminded him when he had expressed doubt as to whether she should be skipping class in order to spend time with him.

"Suzuhara-san seemed to be enjoying himself." Rei noted, stirring together some coconut milk and butter, "Although I doubt that he is having any luck attracting the attention of the opposite sex."

"Toji has actually dated more than a few girls," Shinji noted, "Although they're usually short-lived burnouts."

Rei nodded, "He appears to enjoy the pursuit of women, rather than the actual catching of them. It could also be a sign that he is more interested in variety than forming a true connection."

Shinji shrugged, "He's only sixteen Rei. In fact, we're all only teenagers. I don't think we're supposed to be thinking about things _that_ long term at the moment."

Rei added some turmeric and continued stirring, "I believe that your view of the world may be mildly skewed. While you and I calculate our lives on a twelve to twenty day cycle, others of our age should be coming to the realization that many of the choices they make now will have a profound effect on their future."

Rei dumped sautéed vegetables into the curry base and lowered the temperature to allow it to simmer. Shinji finished chopping and dumped diced potatoes in another pan to cook.

"The future…" Shinji muttered, "What do you think it holds for us Rei? After the Angels I mean."

Rei paused for a moment, then turned to look at him, "You have told me before that you value the truth from me above all things, so I will give you my honest assessment. First, there is no guarantee that the Angel crisis will ever abate. In that case, you and I will be trapped in this endless cycle, fated to continually fight and destroy the enemies of humanity until the day where they simply overwhelm us."

"That's… bleak." Shinji noted.

Rei nodded, "Second, if the Angel crisis does come to an end, then there is more than a 90% probability that we will be retained as paramilitary assets. In that event, we will either be utilized as a world peacekeeping tool by the UN, or as a tool of conquest by whichever government manages to sway NERV to their side when the danger from an extra-human threat is ended."

"That's even worse." Shinji said.

"The Evangelion project has changed the world irrevocably," Rei said, "There is a reason why all the modernized nations are competing for their own NERV branches, and the right to produce their own Evangelions. Conventional weapons are almost useless against the standard AT field. Anything short of an N2 blast is literally shrugged off, and even then, there is no guarantee that the target will be eliminated."

"When humanity inevitably turns on itself," Rei said, "It will be a catastrophe of apocalyptic scale. You, me, and any other pilots who are recruited, will be placed at the epicenter of that crisis. We will fight and kill other Eva pilots, whether in defense or as a result of the ambitions of our superiors."

"I would quit before I let it come to that." Shinji said.

"You are suggesting that you would be given a choice in the matter," Rei noted, "It may not be a matter of quitting, but of whether you would pilot or die."

"Then I would choose to die!" Shinji growled, "I'm not going to be used for someone's petty ambition. I won't kill because of a dispute over the ownership of land."

"And if Japan were attacked by China, or the Russian Federation?" Rei asked, "Would you fight to defend your country?"

Shinji paused, "Maybe. I don't know."

"Would you participate in a counterattack or even a pre-emptive strike against such nations?" Rei asked, "If it meant that you could save the lives of several thousand people? Tens of thousands?"

Shinji gritted his teeth, "I won't be used as a weapon against people! Rei, we're fighting right now to save humanity, I don't think I could just turn around and start killing people after that. There has to be a better way."

Rei thought for a moment, then nodded, "Perhaps there is. I will give the matter more thought, and so should you. The Angel crisis must serve as our primary motivator for now, but now that I… that we have a future, we must contemplate what kind of a world we would like to create."

Shinji nodded soberly as the rice cooker beeped. They ate their Indian style curry in relative silence, both of their minds filled with visions of a future that they seldom dared hope for. After they were done eating, Rei checked her watch.

"I believe that we are due for another plug test," She noted, "Doctor Akagi is taking full advantage of our lack of school to gather more data."

Shinji sighed and stood up, "Let's get to it then."

XXXXXX

"I wonder how she got this past Misato." Shinji wondered.

Rei and Shinji were standing on the gantry that was laid out in front of the three Eva units. Unit-01 was placed in the middle, with Unit-00 on its right and Unit-02 on its left. Though he couldn't touch them, Shinji could feel a sense of warmth radiating off of each of them. Each, though dormant now, was silently questing for the one thing that would make them whole, their pilots.

Without the plug and LCL interface, Shinji was not entirely sure he could make a connection with any of the behemoths, but that didn't stop the light brushes he felt against his mind when one of them directed its attention towards him.

"I believe that Misato has come to trust you far more than you realize," Rei replied from beside him, "Her initial hesitation on allowing the pilots the interface with their Evas outside of direct combat was due mostly to her fear that you would suffer psychological contamination from psychic backflow. As far as I have been able to discern, you no longer have to fear being overwhelmed by Unit-01 upon direct interface."

At the mention of his Eva, Shinji glanced down into the pool of LCL that hid its body. Telltale sparks of light showed him that divers were hard at work replacing the armor which had been damaged in his last foray. Thankfully, they had prioritized replacing the helmet, which hid the rather grotesque face of the creature with whom he was about to bond.

Shinji shrugged, "I've learned a few tricks to keep her from swallowing me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not literally walking into the lion's den whenever I interface with her."

Rei nodded, "And yet, this is something we must do. Experimental data has shown time and again that the artificial connection simulated by the MAGI cannot fully encompass the bond that we share with our Evas. Your synch ratio in unstressed scenarios inside of your Eva is consistently double that of results derived from artificial means."

"Exactly," Piped in a new voice, "Though we're working on fixing that."

They turned to watch as Ritsuko Akagi closed the distance between them, tablet in her hands.

"Doctor Akagi." Rei said, her voice reverting to almost painful neutrality, "I believe I will proceed to my station now."

Ritsuko shrugged, "I'm just here to talk to Shinji for a moment. Feel free."

Rei nodded, the look of wariness in her eyes mirrored by a slight stiffness in her shoulders as she moved towards Unit-00.

"Ritsuko." Shinji said, "What can I do for you?"

"So many things to be honest." Ritsuko replied, "But for now, I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about what you said."

"Oh?" Shinji asked, "Have you come up with a better answer than the one you gave before?"

"I'm not interested in joining whatever strange fan club Rei and Misato had coalesced into around you." Ritsuko replied dryly, "However, I do want to help you."

"Playing it close to the chest then?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko shrugged, "You can never be too careful. Especially if you run in the circles that we do."

Shinji nodded, "I guess you're not a polymath genius for nothing."

Ritsuko eyed him, then tapped one of her earrings for a moment, "I've left something for you in your locker. Look inside your left shoe before you put it on. It might have some answers."

Ritsuko tapped her earring again, then smiled, "In any case, I would like you to take a test."

Shinji, feeling slightly bewildered, stepped back, "Wait, a what, and what did you say before?"

"I told you that I suspect that you might also be a polymath," Ritsuko said, "I've already had Rei take the test, and she did rather well. When Asuka took it she wasn't nearly as well rated, but she technically qualifies. She is a child genius after all. Did you know she has a college degree?"

"Wait," Shinji felt his brain catching up, "You want to test me?"

"It's only four hours," Ritsuko said, "Just come as you are after this last round of sync tests, no need to study."

"Asuka has a college degree!?" Shinji spluttered, "Why is she in high school then?!"

"You ask a lot of questions Shinji," Ritsuko said, tapping the side of her head, "Maybe try using this a little more and your mouth a little less. The walls have ears after all."

Shinji stared as the woman pivoted and headed towards the observation chamber. It looked like Ritsuko was playing another one of the complex games which surrounded the political machine of NERV. Though for the life of him, Shinji couldn't figure out why she would be playing the game on _his_ side.

Sighing, he turned and trotted over to his entry plug. The technician gave him a thumbs up, and Shinji returned the gesture just before the metal coffin sealed itself shut around him. A moment of darkness greeted him before the plug's systems came online, readouts scrolling across the walls around him, or hovering in the air before him as LCL poured into the chamber.

Idly, Shinji watched the bootup process of the plug. It mostly meant nothing to him, but the little time he had spent with Kensuke had taught him to watch for certain patterns. He was still unable to decipher the code as it scrolled, but he did wonder why NERV was so arrogant to display such delicate information where the pilot could see it. It was probably an ingrained belief that the mere pilots of their hulking death machines were nothing more than children and would never truly understand what they were working on.

Idiots.

Closing his eyes, Shinji exhaled the last of the air in his lungs as the LCL crept up over his face. He didn't like blowing oxygen bubbles over his face, so he usually made it point to expel as much of the stuff before being forced to inhale the vile, coppery liquid which surrounded him now.

Breathing in, Shinji felt the slippery substance flow into him, a last few bubbles of air being driven out by its entrance into his body. Breathing those out, he opened his eyes and took in the displays again. He was greeted by the face of Maya Ibuki, who was watched him intently through the camera before him.

"Ibuki-san," Shinji greeted her, "You were right about the psychosomatic feedback."

"I make it a point to very seldom be wrong," She said, then leaned in, whispering, "It just makes Ritsuko-senpai angry."

"You know that I can hear you right?" Ritsuko asked.

Maya winked into the camera and held up a finger to her lips. Shinji grinned in return and the woman settled back.

"Nothing new today Shinji-kun, just synch with the Eva," Maya said, "Although we're going to rotate yours and Rei-chan's plugs about half way through to collect some more cross-sync data."

"Okay," He said.

"Oh," Maya said, "And third engineering division would appreciate it if you would avoid using N2 mines as hand grenades in the future. They tell me that it scuffs the paint."

Shinji grinned again, "Ungrateful."

Maya winked again and spoke, her voice taking on a professional tone, "Beginning startup, see you on the other side pilot."

The displays before Shinji winked out as dazzling colors whirled around him. Shinji closed his eyes and felt the presence inside Unit-01 seeking. It had become surer since the first time he had synchronized with it. It knew his… scent. As soon as he slipped into the dark world, it was waiting for him, hovering just outside of reach.

Rather than engulfing him, it waited, though its impatience was palpable. Shinji stepped forward.

Opening his eyes, Shinji saw that he was surveying the underground labyrinth in which is body was housed between the times where he was called on to fight. Small creatures of darkness moved through the nourishing LCL, their efforts and the liquid itself accelerating the healing process that was steadily returning his strength.

"Pilot is holding steady at 79% with variation of 1-2%," Shinji heard Maya say, "How are you feeling Shinji?"

Shinji untangled the vocal cords of his body from those of the giant and spoke, "Doing great Maya. How long am I in here for?"

"A half hour block in here, then another in Unit-00," She replied, "There's not really any point in keeping you for longer with your scores."

"Alright," Shinji said, "What about Unit-02?"

Maya hesitated, "Without Asuka, we weren't planning on powering her up."

"Do you mind if I sync with it for a few minutes?" He asked, "I'm just a little curious about something."

Ritsuko replied this time, "The only reason we're rotating you and Rei right now is because you have proven that you are combat capable in Unit-00, and we need to make sure that Rei can act as your backup in case of any difficulties."

"Okay," Shinji replied, "Then maybe we should see if she or I can sync with Unit-02, just in case we need a backup. For difficulties."

Ritsuko scowled at her monitor, then relented, "Fine, we'll put you in there, but fifteen minutes only, and only after you've been in Unit-00. I don't like taking unnecessary risks."

'_This one might be necessary,' _Shinji thought, _'But not for the reason you're thinking.'_

"Roger." Shinji said.

Shinji relaxed against the wall which was holding him upright, careful not to move, lest he injure any of the creatures moving about him. Idly thinking, Shinji had a sudden thought.

'_Hello?'_ He ventured, projecting the thought towards the mind of the Eva.

Something enormous stirred. In more correct terms, Shinji could say that he stirred, as he was at the moment, bound inextricably with the spirit of the Eva. He felt a sense of attentiveness flow across the bond. He had the attention of whatever drove Unit-01.

'_Can you show me your face?'_ He asked, _'Who you used to be?'_

Confusion flowed across the bond. Shinji wondered briefly what the small creature inside of him was asking. He had always been him, or perhaps it was her. Yes. She had always been herself.

Shinji thought about the child inside of herself and a deep wave of love washed through her. What use were questions like that when they had each other. She had the boy, and he had her. That was what really mattered.

'_I will protect you'_ Shinji said to the little boy.

Shinji spent a moment centering himself.

"Sync ratio is spiking to 90%" Maya warned.

'_I won't let anyone take you from me.'_ Shinji told the boy.

Shinji groaned as he unraveled the tendril of light that was woven through his mind.

'_Please,'_ he thought back, _'I have a life to live too.'_

He projected the happiest moments of his life. Rei, Misato, Hikari, Toji, Kensuke, Tamako, and all the others who made every day worth living. He felt a warm sense of contentment flow back through the bond, and the tendril which had been working its way through him suddenly drew back.

'_You are… happy?'_ The presence asked.

Shinji, his mind his own again, responded, _'I am.'_

'_Good.'_ The presence said, _'That makes me… happy'_

A wave of warmth washed across the bond, and Shinji had to remind his heart to continue beating through the ecstasy of the emotion. The Lilim were not meant to feel in the same way that these creatures did.

'_Have you ever been one of the Lilim?'_ Shinji asked.

'_I have always been me.'_ The presence replied, the confusion returning.

'_Yes, but before you were you,'_ He thought back, _'Were you someone else?'_

The presence hesitated, _'No. I was not, and now I am.''_

Shinji's eyes opened.

"Beginning plug removal and transition," Maya said, "Sorry for the bumpy exit Shinji."

Shinji shook his head, his mind still swimming in the residual presence inside the Eva. He had thought for sure that there would be someone in there. Someone whom he could talk to. Maybe his theory had been wrong.

"Insertion complete." Maya said, "We're beginning synchronization again, try to relax, both of you."

"Confirmed," Rei said.

"Yeah." Shinji muttered, still lost in thought.

Flashing colors.

Shinji reached out again. The presence of Unit-00 was there. Instead of waiting patiently, it snapped him up. Shinji barely kept the presence from overwhelming him.

"Shinji," Maya called, "You're at 40%, but your fluctuating at a rate of 5-10%. Try to relax a little."

"Easy for you to say," Shinji groaned, still struggling to keep Unit-00 from sucking him in completely.

'_Could you give me a minute?'_ Shinji projected.

The incessant force of Unit-00's pull slackened. Shinji sighed and took a deep breath, then stepped into the light.

Opening his eyes, Shinji found himself inside the plug, rather than looking out through the eyes of Unit-00.

"Sync is stabilizing at 52%," Maya informed him, "Keep it up Shinji."

"You're kinda cute when you're fighting for you life." Came a voice beside him.

Shinji jumped, then turned to find a younger version of Rei floating next to him. Stark naked. Shinji slapped a hand over his eyes and felt his cheeks go red.

"Could you cover up or something?" Shinji asked.

"Why?" Rei asked, "Rei doesn't mind."

"That's because she's you!" Shinji growled.

A moment of silence, "Done."

Shinji opened his eyes to find the young Rei, now clad in a replica of Rei's plugsuit, balanced precariously on the metal cone which proudly proclaimed the unit's designation. Her arms were out, as if she were truly balancing, and she grinned widely at him as she wobbled slightly.

"Before you ask," Rei said, "Nobody can hear us. We're inside your… well, maybe it's my mind right now."

"Then why are we still in a plug?" Shinji asked.

Rei held up a finger, paused, then lowered it, "I don't get out much."

"Right." Shinji muttered, then an idea struck him, "Why don't I take you somewhere else?"

Rei regarded him for a moment, then grinned again and jumped down on top of him. He let out a breath of LCL at the impact. That had actually hurt.

"Don't be a baby." Rei said, "It's all in your head anyways. Or my head. I'm not sure."

"Right." Shinji muttered, "Hold on."

The world shifted.

A cool breeze flowed through the pagoda of the dream field, sending a tinkling ripple through the chimes that adorned its sides. Rei stood, holding Shinji's hand as she looked out across the ocean which abutted the sanctuary which had been built inside his mind.

"Wow." She whispered, "Is this… heaven?"

"No," Shinji replied, "But it is a place of rest."

Rei jumped into the rocker and began gliding back and forth at a rapid pace.

"I like you Shinji-kun." She said suddenly, "So does sister."

"You mean my Rei?" Shinji asked.

She nodded, "Who else could I mean?"

Shinji shrugged, making another chair appear and sinking into it himself, albeit without the energetic movements of the child before him.

"Sister said that you and I might have to fight together." Little Rei continued, "If that happens, you don't have to worry. I will protect you."

"You've already done that." Shinji pointed out.

Little Rei's eyes grew haunted, "No… Back then. I needed you as much as you needed me."

Rei recognized that look. It was the face of the girl he had seen when he had first synchronized with Unit-00. He shivered.

Little Rei snapped back to the present and smiled at him, "That's why I'll always protect you. That's why sister will always protect you. You're a part of us now Shinji-kun."

"You're very different from Unit-01." Shinji said.

Little Rei got another far away look in her eyes, then spoke, "She's not really there."

"What?" Shinji asked.

"I am a person," Little Rei said, "Or I was until I was stuck inside this thing. It's become a very nice friend to me, but it's not really a person. The lady in the new big sister is like me, she came from somewhere. Inside the purple sister, it's like a fresh piece of paper. It seems to like you, but there's no real history to your connection. It's like she was made for you."

Little Rei hopped off the chair, "Of course, I don't really understand how that could be. The big sisters and I are supposed to have human souls, that's why we work for humans. Otherwise we wouldn't fight for you."

Little Rei moved to the mural that lay at the center of the pagoda. She ran her fingers across it until it they reached the picture of Rei that was attached to it. Gently, almost lovingly, she traced the outline of that picture. She turned back to him and skipped over, taking his hands in hers. Her face was somber.

"Hey Shinji-kun," She said, "When I sleep… If I dream, is it okay if I come here?"

Shinji shifted in his chair, but those red eyes were too much like the girl he knew in the real world. He did not have the strength to refuse her.

"Yeah, I guess." He said, "Whenever you like. Just don't mess anything up."

A radiant smile bloomed across her face. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, then stepped back, covering her mouth as she giggled.

She waved, "Say hello to sister for me."

Shinji opened his eyes.

"Alright Shinji-kun," Maya called, "We're rotating you into Unit-02."

"Thanks Ibuki-san." Shinji said.

"Thank Ritsuko-senpai," Maya replied, "Although it will have to be later, she's back in the lab working on something. Told me to remind you not to forget to go there after you're done here."

"Right." Shinji replied with a groan, "I have to take some kind of test."

"It's not so bad." Maya said, "It will be over before you know it."

"Somehow I doubt that." Shinji grimaced.

"You're right," Maya replied with a grin, "It's actually the worst. Good luck."

Shinji sighed as light cascaded across the plug. Closing his eyes, Shinji opened himself again to the dark world, the expected beacon of Unit-02's soul drifting lazily through it. Shinji reached out for it. It hesitated, then rushed into him.

Fighting down a sense of vertigo, Shinji found himself standing in an expanse of light. Looking around, he saw nothing.

"Doctor Soryu?" He asked.

That phrase echoed, and a brown-haired woman appeared before him. She stepped forward, looking him over.

"You've grown stronger," She noted, "But you're not my Asuka."

"No," Shinji replied, "But I know her."

Anger, love, hate, and shame flitted across the woman's face. Unconsciously, Shinji held out a hand.

"Share your pain with me." He said.

Tendrils of darkness crept over the woman's body, tunneling over her face and into her eyes until they became black orbs flecked with bright lights.

"Are you prepared to die together now?" She asked, her voice gone hollow.

Shinji stepped forward, taking her hand in his and reached for that light, "Why don't we live together instead?"

Ringing filled his ears.

Shinji was choking. He realized that there was a rope tied around his neck. He struggled for a moment before realizing that there was no way that he could break free.

'_This is not real.'_ He told himself.

A blade of light appeared in his hand, and a swift stroke severed the noose which held him suspended. Dropping to the ground, Shinji found himself in a room that seemed familiar. Turning, he looked up at the figure of a woman, smiling in serenity as the rope around her neck slowly choked her life away.

A flash of light, and the rope was severed, the woman falling onto the bed below her. Great gasps of pain filled the air as she struggled to draw air into her lungs.

"You…" She gasped, "We were supposed to die together."

"Share your pain with me." Shinji repeated, holding out his hand.

The woman grabbed it, and the world shattered.

A kaleidoscope of colors whirled around Shinji. He watched them with detached interest for a long while. Eventually, he realized that what he was seeing was not some kind of dream, it was a broken window the outside world. He was seeing through the eyes of someone whose view of the world was shattered.

"I'm afraid your wife's condition is rather severe," A woman in a white coat said, "Her psychosis has been under control for some time, but now she appears to have gone into a full dissociative crisis."

Shinji's hand, no, doctor Soryu's hand, moved lazily to rest on her husband's. He did not pull away, but neither did he do so much as rest a hand on hers in comfort. From what Shinji could see, the man was in shock himself.

An image of the inside of a plug flashed through Shinji's mind. A tearing sensation as his mind was dissected by the beast within. Unimaginable pain, then sweet bliss. Ignorance.

Shinji gasped as he stood before Doctor Soryu once more. Her eyes were still pure black, but all he could see in them was sorrow.

Shinji stumbled forward into her. Gasping, he gritted his teeth and spoke again.

"Share your pain with me!" He wailed, tears in the eyes of his soul.

She was supposed to be whole.

Dying should have reunited her with herself. Instead, she was trapped inside this monster. There should have been more of her here, but all that she found was a beacon of purifying, burning light.

"Where am I!" She screamed.

Shinji could feel it. Something had happened here. The part of Doctor Soryu, the healthy part at least, should have been here. Instead, all he found was scattered motes of darkness, drifting through an endless sea of light.

"What does it take to kill a soul?" He whispered.

Each of those flecks held flashes of memories. Memories of better times. Memories of a woman who was more than a battered patient on the path to destroying herself.

Someone had been here. Someone had killed that woman. This was all that was left of her.

Shinji now stood above Doctor Soryu on that endless expanse of light. She knelt on the ground, shattered by the vague memory of who she had been, and what she had become.

A memory.

Shinji closed his eyes and let himself expand. The soul of the Eva, not the human soul fused with it, lay before him. That endless font of light which manifested itself as a shield in the real world. He touched that light, and it sang in harmony with his darkness. In that harmony, he heard something that didn't fit.

A memory of darkness.

Shinji took Doctor Soryu's hand and pulled her up. Leading her, he walked through the light until he found that memory. He placed her hand on a wall that was, and was not, then stepped back.

"She's still here." Shinji said, "I can't get her out, that is orders of magnitude beyond me. But you can."

"I've done what I can." Shinji said, "Now you have to save yourself. Good luck Doctor Soryu. I hope we meet again someday."

Shinji coughed, and a stream of LCL escaped his mouth, splashing into the now neck high stuff. It looked like someone had hit an emergency flush sequence.

"Shinji!" Maya yelled, "Respond damn you!"

"I'm here," He gasped, "Just coughing up my lungs."

"You went catatonic after your sync ratio spiked." Maya explained, "We tried to force an emergency shutdown, but before we could get all of the overrides in you were forcibly ejected."

"Yeah," Shinji said, "It felt really weird."

"Are you okay?" Maya asked.

Shinji felt waves of dizziness wrap themselves around him, "I think I'm gonna throw up."

XXXXXX

Shinji lay on the floor of the shower, letting the hot water washing through his LCL and vomit ridden plug suit. At some point he was going to remove the thing, but the idea of doing physical activity right sent a thrill of nausea through his body. A warning which he was unwilling to ignore for now. The only thing worse than the taste of LCL, was the taste of partially digested LCL.

"Anyone still alive in here?" Called a masculine voice.

"Kaji-san?" Shinji asked.

"In the flesh." The man replied, "Ayanami-san was rather insistent that I come in and check on you. She even threatened to come in herself. Should I show myself out so that she can come in here and help you out? I know a thing or two about doing a favor for my fellow man."

"I don't need help washing up." Shinji growled, "And I definitely don't need you spreading rumors about me and Rei."

"Oh," Ryoji said, "It's Rei then?"

"You're just as bad as Misato," Shinji grumbled.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Ryoji responded blithely, "Misato Katsuragi is one of the few people in this world whom I actually look up to. She's more than just a stunning body you know."

"If you like her so much," Shinji groused, "Why don't you marry her?"

"I would have liked to." Ryoji said, "But that ship sailed a long time ago. She's moved past me. I don't know whether I should thank you or curse you for helping her get her life back on track. She's certainly gained a whole new level of allure now. Unfortunately, it also means that she is highly perceptive, and avoidant, of rascals like myself."

"You could try telling her the truth." Shinji muttered, beginning the arduous task of stripping off the slick material of his suit, "I know Misato quite well, and that would win you a lot of points in her book."

"Evangelion pilot, genius, and modern-day Casanova." Ryoji chuckled, "Your resume just keeps growing Shinji-kun. It's no wonder the ladies can't resist you."

"I really wish they would." Shinji said, finally freeing himself and tossing the suit over the wall, "Take care of that for me would you?"

"With pleasure," Ryoji said, "By the way, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

Shinji closed his eyes, "Kaji-san, I like you, so I'm going to be very blunt with you right now. The reason why Misato doesn't like you, and the reason why I'm about to come out there and kick your ass, are very similar. You're too slick for your own good. If you want something, just come out and say it. Trying to give me the runaround is only going to make me dislike you. Doing it to Misato will likely result in me making sure that you never have children."

Ryoji thought carefully before speaking, "Okay, you win Shinji-kun. I need your help with something. Can I meet you in the city tomorrow for lunch?"

"Why not." Shinji said, just wishing the man would go away.

"Great," He said, "I'll come by your place around noon and we can go together."

"You'd better not be trying to trick me into treating you." Shinji said.

"Well now that you mention it…" Ryoji let his words die off.

"Get. Out." Shinji growled.

The man had the audacity to chuckle as he left.

Ryoji must had found a way to stave off Rei, because she never burst into the locker room herself. Instead, she was waiting patiently against the opposite wall when he finally emerged, squeaky clean and ready to face whatever Ritsuko had planned for him.

Rei gave him a once over with her eyes before closing the gap between them and scrutinizing him more closely. Even going to far as the lift up one of his eyelids while peering deeply into his pupils.

"What are you doing?" Shinji asked.

"Considering what happened the last time that you tried to synchronize with Unit-02," Rei said, "I was making sure that you were not suffering from some sort of parasitic infection which has suddenly caused you to lose your sense of reason."

"I'm afraid that the only person to blame for that particular incident is myself," Shinji admitted, "I needed to check on something, and ended up getting more than I bargained for."

"And?" Rei asked, doing her best impression of Hikari.

It was quite convincing.

Shinji glanced at the cameras on either end of the hall, "Why don't I tell you later."

Rei followed his eyes and nodded, "Very well."

"Thanks Rei." Shinji smiled, "It's good to know you still trust me. Little Rei too."

Rei smiled at that, "She has become rather… vivacious. Though I would not say that she trusts you, so much as she does not possess the means to place you under twenty-four-hour surveillance."

"Don't wait up for me," Shinji said, "I have to go take Ritsuko's polymath test."

Rei frowned, "Doctor Akagi should not need you to take a test to assess your learning capabilities. She knows the kind of material you are studying, and the rate at which you consume such material."

"I think she just wants to place me on a scale of some sort." Shinji admitted, "Ritsuko likes everything to be in its proper place. Labeled, sorted, and neatly tucked away for when she needs it most."

"You must be careful around that woman," Rei said, "Do not trust her."

"I don't," Shinji said, "Remarkably enough, she told me the same thing about you."

Rei hesitated, "You should also be wary of placing too much trust in me. I am bound by certain… strictures, which could prove fatal if you relied on me too much."

Shinji smiled, "Rei, I don't care what my father, Ritsuko, or NERV have done to you. I know you better than any of them. They may think that they have you on a leash, but I know there is strength in you greater than any of them could imagine."

Rei lowered her eyes, "You shame me with your faith Shinji Ikari. I will strive to be better."

"Me too Rei," Shinji said, turning to go, "Me too."

XXXXXX

True to her word, Ritsuko's test had taken a full four hours to complete. The first hour had been spent sitting inside another brain scanning machine while Ritsuko simply talked to him about all manner of subjects. The last three hours had seen him hooked up to a bulky headset while he completed a written exam.

"This doesn't seem like any test I have taken before." Shinji ventured after closing out the test on the terminal she had indicated.

"That's because this isn't an assessment of learning," Ritsuko said, working on removing the headset, "It's a measure of your overall potential."

"Why don't we do this with all teenagers then?" Shinji asked.

"Several reasons," Ritsuko said, "Mainly, the technology is still relatively new, and thus, it is extremely expensive for me to run tests like this. I only have it because of the long term study of the effects of piloting Eva. It's only a drop in the bucket compared to the maintenance, development, and repair costs of the Evas, but still quite a large number."

"So am I a polymath then?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko looked down at her tablet and shrugged, "The mapping isn't done, but based on my own observations, there is a good chance that you have potential. I'm tempted to withdraw you from school immediately and place you on an accelerated education track."

Shinji held up a hand, "I'd prefer if you didn't."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, "Do tell."

"This is the real difference between us Ritsuko," Shinji said, "You see people as objects. Numbers in your calculations. I see them as individuals. Coursework at school is disturbingly simple, but it gives me a chance to be with people. I wouldn't have the relationships I do now if I weren't going."

Ritsuko shrugged, "It seems to me that you could get the same if you spent more time here."

"Like you?" Shinji asked, "Tell me doctor, what is Maya's favorite food."

Ritsuko paused, then shrugged, "Chocolate I guess."

"She's allergic to chocolate," Shinji said, "And if you took the time to notice, you would know that she brings takoyaki for lunch of Thursdays. She once told me that it helps her finish off the week strong."

"I don't go to school to learn," Shinji said, "I go because it puts me in proximity to people my own age. I hate being by myself, because its how I have spent the majority of my life. Here at NERV, everybody treats me well, but I don't really have any friends besides Misato, who is my guardian and roommate. I've tried, but you're all so wrapped up in your work and a healthy dose of Second-Impact Survivor Syndrome, that I can't relate to you."

"If you're really worried about my education," Shinji said, "Then put together a curriculum. I'll do it at school, because I'm usually working on my own thing in class. In the meantime, I would like to be with my friends. They're the reason why I fight."

Ritsuko pondered the young man in front of her for several minutes before nodding.

"I'll have something prepared based on what the results from this test are." She said, "Though you probably won't thank me for it."

Shinji shrugged, "I've never gotten far in life by doing the easy thing. I think you of all people can appreciate that."

Ritsuko watched him with contemplative eyes as he exited her lab.


	32. Lunch and Light Conversation

Better Angels

Chapter 32

Lunch and Light Conversation

**Saturday, 0700 hours, 4 days since Sandalphon**

Shinji laid back on the ground, having finished the stretches that Sergey required of them at the end of every session. His breathing had calmed significantly in the past ten minutes, and the feeling of burning in his muscles was down to a mild irritant.

The blossom of pain in his side was another matter.

"I believe we should move you to the hospital to have it checked." Rei said, standing above him, her own body coated in a fine sheen of sweat.

"I happen to know cure for these conditions." Sergey offered.

"Does it involve vodka?" Shinji asked warily.

"Of course not," Sergey said, "This one is a tablespoon of salt mixed with a shot of whiskey. Very good for settling the stomach."

"That sounds…" Shinji said, "Horrible."

"I believe that the problem is in his thoracic cage," Rei noted, "Not his gastrointestinal tract."

"But it does help with the pain." Sergey said.

"Kasumi!" Shinji yelled.

Kasumi, who had shown up for training this morning, trotted over beside him. Dropping to her knees, she removed a combat knife and slit the side of his shirt, revealing an impressively large bruise along his left side.

"Wow," She said, "Rei, are you sure you're not spring loaded or something? This looks like he got hit by a truck."

"Could we stop talking about how bad it looks?" Shinji asked.

"You'll be fine." Kasumi said, poking the bruise.

Shinji yelped.

"It's not fractured," She supplied, "Just a really big bruise. Make sure you ice it and take eight hundred milligrams of ibuprofen every eight hours. How many times did you kick him?"

Rei's face turned red, "Only once…"

"She followed up with an elbow and a knee though," Sergey noted, "It was very impressive."

"You do realize that if you kill him we're all dead, right?" Kasumi asked, then she rounded on Sergey, "And how do you know, you were supposed to be fighting me."

"I got bored." Sergey said, "So I peeked over at my pupils' fight."

Kasumi leveled a death glare at him.

"What?" He asked.

Rei helped Shinji to his feet, and they began their limp-walk home, the sounds of renewed battle echoing through the park behind them.

Shinji took a cold bath and found himself wishing for another round of psychosomatic feedback, just to stave off the shivering. When he finally got out, a combination of the cold and the drugs he had taken had reduced the pain to a mild irritant.

He found Rei in the kitchen, flipping pancakes.

"I can do that you know." Shinji said.

"Sit." Rei replied, pointing at a chair, "You are injured."

Shinji shrugged and settled down, pulling a note and a small thumb drive out of his pocket. He re-read it.

_Shinji,_

_This drive contains data from an experiment conducted by Gehirn to ensure continuity in case of the death of a pilot. It also contains data on the Ayanami project. I am offering you these as a show of good faith. You and I are on the same side, and I would appreciate it if you would stop thinking of me as your enemy._

_This drive is designed to destroy itself within three hours of primary activation. The data is read-only and will purge itself in the event of attempted copying actions. Make sure you have enough time to read it over before activating. Whether you take notes or not is up to you, but please understand that this information is dangerous. If anyone knows you have it, or suspects that I gave it to you, neither one of us will survive the week._

_Ritsuko Akagi_

"Rei." Shinji called.

She turned to look at him.

"Why don't you come read this." He said.

She padded softly to his side and took the note. Within a matter of moments she had finished. Without speaking, she took the note back to the kitchen and dropped it in the sink. A few moments of searching and she found a lighter, which she used to burn it. When that was done, she looked up at him, something cold and empty in her eyes.

"Should I just throw this away?" He asked, "If you want me to, I'll just forget that I ever received it."

Warmth flickered in her eyes, but she shook her head, "No. This is something you need to know about me. It is also something that you need to know about yourself. As she said, the Ayanami project is not the only thing contained on here."

"Would you like to read it with me?" He asked.

Rei shook her head, "While I am able to restrain myself from action right now due to a technicality, I believe I would be unable to hold myself back if I were confronted by this information. I am intimately aware of the details of the Ayanami project, and I believe that you will tell me if there is anything relevant in the other file."

Shinji nodded, "Why don't we eat, and I'll go read it."

"I will ensure that you are uninterrupted." Rei said, then hesitated before continuing, "I want you to know that no matter what you read there, it doesn't change how I feel."

They ate in silence, and Shinji retired to his room shortly thereafter. He meditated for several minutes, then grabbed his notebook and plugged in the thumb drive. A green circle appeared on its top. As he read, that circle slowly began changing to red.

The drive contained two large folders. The first was the Ayanami project, and the second was labeled ES 362-S1. After a moment, Shinji decided that he would read the unknown project first. If he ran out of time, he would not consider it a loss that he did not know any of the more sordid secrets about his friend.

Shinji didn't bother to take notes. He wasn't interested in the minutiae of what he was reading, just the bigger picture involved with it. The reading of the first folder took him almost an hour, and when he was done, he felt as if he had been chilled to the bone. The attached autopsy report of Asuka's would-be assassin only deepened that feeling.

Shinji stared at his screen for several minutes before shaking himself back to reality. With just under two hours left, he was ready to tackle the Ayanami project.

Or he thought he was.

Ten minutes shy of the deadline, Shinji removed the drive. The mostly red circle continued its countdown, and he spent the time until it expired laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. A low hissing sound informed him that the drive had destroyed itself, leaving a small, plastic lump on his floor. Shinji was not sure he wanted to touch the thing.

'_Rei is my mother…'_ Shinji thought.

'_Rei is an Angel.'_ He shuddered.

'_Rei is…'_ Shinji began, and let the thought dangle in the air.

He thought back to the girl who had been brought out to pilot Unit-01 on that stretcher. His first taste of the pain that she lived with every day. He remembered her in that hospital bed, holding her hand while trying to figure out how to reach out to someone who looked so alone.

'_What is Rei to me?'_

He remembered her first feeble attempts at getting to know him. She had been fumbling for something that she didn't really understand. All she had known was that it made her feel alive. For the first time, someone had cared about her as more than an object to accomplish a goal.

'_Rei is my friend.'_

He remembered pulling her out of the box that Caine had crafted for her. He remembered meeting her for the first time, again. Getting to know the Rei who was a complete person, not a shredded fragment that was used to protect humanity.

Shinji stood up from his floor and moved out into the apartment. Unsurprisingly, Rei was gone. Shinji closed his eyes and reached for the place in his heart where he knew Rei was. Opening his eyes, he stepped out of the apartment.

Walking down the rows of doors, he stopped at the portal to Rei's home. He waved his ID in front of the reader and the light before it flashed green. He stepped carefully inside and headed down the hallway into the living room.

Rei was sitting on her couch, staring out the glass door to the balcony. She hadn't been crying, but she was definitely in pain.

Shinji sat down next to her and took her hand in his. They sat like that for a long while, finding comfort in the presence of the other. When Shinji touched her, he didn't feel revulsion, only a deep sense of warmth that his friend was always able to bring to his heart.

"Do you know why I pilot Eva?" Rei asked suddenly.

Shinji looked at her, but her own eyes were fixed on the cityscape of Tokyo-3 which was visible out of her window. He gave her hand a light squeeze to let her know that he was listening.

"At first," She said, "I underwent the training because I thought it would connect me to everyone. I have always known what I am, the Commander and Doctor were never hesitant about explaining what I was. I thought that if I could expend my… selves, in an effort to protect humanity, they would become my people."

"I did not understand how to connect with people," She said, "But I could defend them. I thought that that would make me someone of worth to the people who make up half of who I am. Even if it meant that I had to kill those who made up my other half."

She turned to look at him, "Now, I pilot Eva for you Shinji Ikari. I have found a place to belong, I have found a family. Being a part of something has filled me with joy every day, even when it seemed as if those bonds were about to break. I will still pilot Eva for you. Even if you hate me for what I am."

Shinji reached up with his other hand and cupped the side of her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into the contact, a small smile appearing on her lips. Gently, he moved his hand to the back of her head and drew her against him.

"I would never hate you," Shinji said into her ear, "There are things in this world worth hating, Rei Ayanami is not one of them. I won't pretend that things aren't… different between us, but it would be a poor love that we had cultivated if it withered at the first sign of hardship. If it's okay with you, I would like it if you continued being a part of my family, although I won't consent to you suddenly becoming my mother."

Something between a laugh and sob escaped Rei's lips. They sat for another long while before Rei drew herself back, the whites of her eyes red of from tears the speckled Shinji's shirt.

"I am not interested in you… physically," Rei said, "I do not know if it is because of what I am, but I do not feel what Hikari or Tamako feel for you."

Shinji smiled, "That's a relief."

Rei eyed him.

"You're plenty pretty!" Shinji reversed, "It's just… I don't know how to handle women. You've always been somebody I could feel safe with. The others…"

Rei sighed. She had picked up the habit from Shinji and found it a pleasant way to relieve stress at the stupidity of others.

"In any case," She said, "I will not consent to be your mistress or wife, though these are the most traditional ways of adopting someone into a family."

"Well," Shinji said, "Since you're technically related to my mother, why don't you be my sister?"

Rei contemplated this for a moment, then nodded, a true smile blooming onto her face, "I would like that."

XXXXXX

Shinji regarded Ryoji from across the table of the small café.

"Are you ready to tell me what this is all about?" Shinji asked.

Ryoji reached into the pocket of the jacket he had been wearing and pulled out a black disc. Setting it on the table, he tapped a rhythm on it before settling back.

"This is about as secure as we're going to get without arousing suspicion," Ryoji said, "Why don't we order first. I highly recommend the chili cheese fries. It is almost guaranteed to cause heart problems for you the next day."

Shinji took Ryoji's advice and was happily munching on his food when Kaji finally sat forward, his own food forgotten.

"Now that we're not both starving, I was hoping that I could talk to you about something important." Ryoji said.

Shinji wiped his face and returned the look, "I figured that would be the case."

"What can you tell me about the men who tried to take Asuka?" Ryoji asked.

Shinji quirked an eyebrow at him, "You should be able to access my official report on the matter. I gave a deposition and everything."

Ryoji nodded, "I have read it. There are more holes in it than cheese from Switzerland."

Shinji leaned back, "All I can tell you is that I had a feeling. The men who showed up to take Asuka were not members of Phoenix team."

"But your reaction was…" Ryoji took a moment to look for the right word, "Extreme, to say the least."

"And I was right." Shinji said, "I've been through this with several of the debriefing staff of NERV, and I'm not especially looking forward to talking to you about it as well. So why don't you tell me what you are really here for instead of trying to get me on the defensive. I don't have the slightest qualm about standing up and walking away. Like I said before, you're too smooth Ryoji, and I don't like it."

Ryoji sat back and regarded him for several moments. As time stretched, Shinji decided to ignore the man before him, and began digging into his fries again. He could hear his arteries screaming in protest, but his gut was telling him to down more of the fatty mess.

"What do you know about the Marduk Institute?" Ryoji asked suddenly.

Shinji swallowed the last mouthful of fat and carbohydrates before responding, "I have a vague suspicion that their reports are a bunch of crap."

Ryoji nodded, "I think that I want to tell you something Shinji. You're not just a good pilot, but you're a good person. I think you have a lot of suspicions about NERV. The problem is, if I tell you what I am about to, it opens you up to a whole new world of danger."

"What kind of thing do you want to tell me?" Shinji asked idly, though his eyes were riveted on the man sitting across from him, "What deep, dark secret could you hold that could possibly be more dangerous to me than the hulking monstrosities I fight with on a bi-weekly basis?"

Ryoji acknowledged the point with a nod, but his usual smile was gone, "Because if anyone inside of NERV finds out that I talked to you about this, both of our lives are forfeit. When you fight, it is a matter of if. This will be a matter of when."

Shinji shrugged, "You seem to think that I am not fully acquainted with the impending prospect of death. If you had approached me a few weeks ago I might have been hesitant. As of now, I'm just tired of being lied to. Why don't you tell me your world-shattering secret. Even if I don't decide to help you with whatever it is you are doing, I promise not to sell you out."

Ryoji smirked at him, "I am somehow not reassured by your promise."

Shinji leaned back, "I don't believe for a moment that NERV's only goal is the destruction of the Angels. More and more, I am coming to suspect that that particular achievement is secondary to some other agenda. I am loyal to Misato, Rei and humanity as a whole, not to NERV."

Ryoji nodded thoughtfully at that, "It seems that you have done most of my work for me then."

"I'm afraid that most of the work was done by my father and his cronies," Shinji said, "That, and a staggering lack of respect for anyone of middling or greater intelligence. I think they were expecting a different person from who arrived several months ago."

Ryoji grinned, "I can tell you that you are correct beyond a shadow of a doubt there."

Shinji nodded, then leaned forward, "So, what's the big secret?"

Royji leaned back, easing himself as if confronting an overly eager pupil, "NERV, well, to be more precise, its predecessor, Gehirn, caused the second impact."

Shinji stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"I'm serious!" Ryoji growled.

Shinji wiped a tear from his eye, "Sorry Ryoji, I believe you. It's just, I already knew that."

It was Ryoji's turn to stare, although he did not burst into laughter like Shinji had.

"Ryoji," Shinji said, "How would you describe my relationship with Misato?"

"Closer than a healthy guardian-minor relationship should be." He said.

Shinji chuckled, "That's because you spent all of your time trying to ward off Asuka's advances. Imagine if she hadn't been trying to get into your pants half of the time."

Ryoji thought for a moment, then smiled lightly, "Okay. You're still inordinately close to her, but I guess that it shouldn't be unexpected from a woman who is your mother figure."

Shinji raised an eyebrow.

"Older sister maybe?" Ryoji tried.

"Maybe." Shinji replied, "The point is, Misato and I are very close. Misato is also the only survivor of the second impact debacle. She has told me a lot of things, and I inferred the rest. While I didn't have anything to confirm it, I had the highest degree of suspicion as to what really happened during the second impact. It had something to do with the S2 organ. That thing that we have to stab to kill the Angels. It's some kind of universal, unlimited power source."

Ryoji nodded warily, "I feel like I've walked into a gunfight carrying only a knife."

Shinji chuckled, "I can sympathize with that. So, now that you have told me that particular secret, what is it that you really want from me?"

"I work for the UN." Ryoji said, "I'm here to investigate NERV."

Shinji took a moment to think about that under the guise of taking a drink of water. He carefully examined Ryoji for any signs that the man was prevaricating. Either he was a very good liar, or he had just told Shinji the truth.

"Furthermore," Ryoji said, deciding that all-in was all-in, "I've been tasked to investigate the group which controls NERV, and a large portion of the UN itself, SEELE."

This was news, and Shinji's ears perked up, "Who?"

Ryoji held up a hand, "I don't know much more about SEELE than its name, and that it is a powerful organization that was the backer of both Gehirn and NERV. It is a council of sorts that oversees all operations concerned with the Evas and the Angels."

Shinji leaned and elbow on the table, "There's someone above my father?"

Ryoji smiled, "Oh yes, I've also been tasked, via a SEELE proxy, to investigate your father's activities which might be… contrary to those of SEELE."

Shinji leaned back, a smirk on his face, "So you're what… a triple agent?"

Ryoji looked at him seriously, "Like you Shinji, I serve humanity. The best place I can do that is from the shadows, just as the best place for you is in the seat of that plug."

Shinji nodded, "So why tell me here and now?"

"As for here," Ryoji said, "This place is owned by the UN. The waitress knows to seat people away from us, and the disk on the table is a jammer. Like I said, this is about as private as we can get without me moving you to a black site. Why though… it's because I need your help."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "What could the little old pilot of Unit-01 possibly do for Ryoji, international man of mysery?"

"There are certain areas of the base that I cannot gain access to." Ryoji said.

Shinji folded his arms, "I hate to break this to you, but I probably have even more limited access than you do."

"Ah," Ryoji said, "But you do have access to the good Doctor Akagi."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be against spending some time with you."

"But she would be wary of me," Kaji said, "She knows that I'm a part of NERV's intelligence division, and that I have worked for the UN in the past. She does not suspect you."

Kaji deposited a small, black, rectangular device on the table. It looked suspiciously like the RFID readers which were spaced throughout the labyrinthine corridors of NERV HQ.

"I was hoping that you could run Ritsuko's ID through this." He said, "Not the white one, the red one that she keeps hidden most of the time."

Shinji regarded the device warily, "You certainly don't beat around the bush."

"I believe that the only person to blame for that particular fault is yourself." Ryoji pointed out.

Shinji smiled, "So it is. What exactly do you plan to do with this?"

"Gain access to the sublevels of the complex." Ryoji replied.

Shinji's eyes widened.

"I already tracked down the Marduk Institute," He said, "It's an empty building. Another front for whatever NERV is working on. I want to get down into the belly of the beast and see where all of that research money is going. Titanium B is a miracle alloy, but with Doctor Akagi's brilliance, it is less than a tenth of what she is actually doing."

"And what do I get out of this?" Shinji asked, his eyes narrowing, "It seems like quite a risk I'm taking."

Ryoji smiled, "I take it that the interests of humanity aren't enough for you?"

Shinji shook his head, "I want to know whatever it is you find down there."

Ryoji paused, "That could be… dangerous."

"I don't really care," Shinji said, "Like I told you, I'm tired of being lied to. If you want my help, then that is my requirement. Pictures, along with whatever report you file with your superiors."

"It seems like a lot for what I'm asking." Ryoji said.

"I won't just do this," Shinji said, "If you agree, I'll do whatever is in my power to help you out. I don't trust you Ryoji, but Misato thinks you are on the level, and that's good enough for me. There's also the fact that I trust my father and his bosses even less than I trust you."

"So Kaji-san," Shinji said, holding out a hand, "Partners?"

Ryoji smiled, "Well, when you put it that way…"

XXXXXX

**Sunday, 2330 hours, 5 days since Sandalphon**

The light of the moon washed through the large plate glass windows of ward four of Tokyo-3's central hospital. The silvery light played across the form of a pale-skinned, red-haired beauty who lay in repose, blissfully unaware of the world around her. Her hard expression had been chiseled from a life spent fighting against the world, the features older than they should have been, from the mild crease eternally present between the eyebrows to hints of mouth which spent too long being downturned.

In this quiet place, a black-haired woman sat, her alert gaze sweeping the world outside of the hospital from her vantage at the window. Inara was not unhappy that additional Section Two operatives had been provided to supplement Phoenix team's numbers. The recent attempted kidnapping and assassination of their principal had moved even the legendarily unflappable Commander Ikari into action. Though whether it was fear or calculation that drove him was still uncertain.

Though Inara was cognizant of any physical threats coming for her charge, she failed to notice the light glimmer which trailed under the door and snaked its way across the floor towards the bed of Asuka Langley Soryu. That glimmer contained a malicious intelligence who was well acquainted with the maze that comprised the mind of the girl. It had, after all, been partially molded by his own will.

The miasma of Caine swept over the sleeping girl, a gentle song of comfort and the promise of power humming from its form as it swept across her. The expression of the girl hardened for a moment, then relaxed back into unconsciousness. As much as that face ever did.

With careful tendrils, Caine reached out towards her, beginning the slow process of penetrating her mind. He called to the part of him that wove its way through Asuka, and something sang in return.

And in that moment, Caine was caught.

**A world between worlds, the Dream Field**

Shinji was sitting in the rocking chair when Caine appeared before him.

"Ah," Shinji said, "You got my wish."

Caine scowled at him, "Your feeble attempts at diverting me will only delay me, not prevent me from touching her mind again. She is mine."

"She_ was_ yours," Shinji said, "I believe you will find the mind of Asuka less inviting to you from now on."

Caine snorted, "Yes, I did feel that you had done something to her. It seems you have become as much of a manipulator as I have."

"I will never be like you," Shinji said, "I give people opportunities, you bind them with cords until they happily drape themselves with shackles at your command. If I want to destroy someone, I will struggle with them face to face."

"How philosophical," Caine said, "I only do what is asked on me."

"You can't hide behind that veneer Caine," Shinji said, "Drop the act with me, there is no reason for it."

"It's not an act Shinji." Caine replied.

"Whatever," Shinji replied, "I called you here because I had a wish for you to fulfill."

Caine raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? What can I do for the great Shinji Ikari?"

"I want you to stop touching the minds of the people around me." Shinji said.

"I'm afraid that I am rather unwilling to do that." Caine said, "There are so many people who need their wishes fulfilled. There is no way that I would leave them without someone to turn to."

"In exchange," Shinji continued as if Caine hadn't spoken, "I will grant you access to my own mind when I sleep. Any time you want to come and visit me here, consider yourself to have a standing invitation."

"A king's ransom for sure," Caine said, "Are you sure you want to strike such a deal? You can't go into something like this with reservations, otherwise it won't work."

"I'm sick of you hurting the people that I love," Shinji said, "I can't hunt you down, so my only recourse is to tempt you into attacking me instead of them."

Shinji could see a sick, depraved hunger in the eyes of Caine at the deal he was offering him.

"Here is the deal," Shinji said, "You stay away from the people around me. Anyone who I interact with personally, no matter how small that interaction, you keep your filthy paws off of. The terms also apply to their first degree of contact as well. Same terms for them as for me. Beyond that, you can try all you want. I get the feeling that you don't have that many disciples."

Caine remained silent, though his eyes darted hungrily across Shinji's body. Shinji shivered.

"In exchange," Shinji said, feeling the man wavering, "You get me. Well, I leave the door open for you. I won't bend to you even when you are here, but I will let you come in, but only here, to the Dream Field."

"Done!" Caine cackled.

With that, he leaped onto Shinji, his fingers wrapping around the younger man's neck. Shinji grasped at those hands in futility.

"You really should be more careful about who you let get a foothold in your soul boy!" Caine crowed, "It could be the last thing that you do!"

Shinji struggled with his body, but his mind was elsewhere, giving Caine the advantage in this confrontation.

'_Little sister!'_ Shinji called into the darkness.

Caine paused at that, having heard that call go out, then renewed his assault.

Shinji pushed back now with his mind and body, Caine's grip on his neck slackening.

"You fool!" Caine howled, "You have given me access to the one place that was long denied me! Finally! Suffer and die little boy! Each night I will come to you, no matter how often you fight me off, I will be here! Weep for your final destruction and the death of all Lilim!"

A small, pale hand closed around his wrist and Caine froze, sensing the power in that hand. Turning slowly, he beheld a small, blue-haired girl. Though she was little more than a child, the depths of suffering within those eyes chilled even the creature known as Caine.

"Brother and sister tell me that you are a very bad man." She said quietly, her red eyes sparkling with a vigorous light, "I was hoping I could meet you one day."

_CRACK!_

Caine, instead of howling, laughed gleefully as his arm was broken by the deceptively small fingers, "You have brought one of my children!"

Rearing back, he moved to strike Rei with a clawed hand, only to have said hand intercepted by Shinji's own.

"You forgot who else was here," Shinji coughed, "Idiot."

Shinji saw the moment when the madness and confidence in Caine's eyes melted into something akin to terror.

"You cannot kill that which does not live!" He spat.

Shinji smiled, "You're right, but I do have a little part of my soul where I used to keep the thing I hated most in the world. It should be just about your size. I invited you in, but I didn't say that I would be letting you go!"

Caine howled and dissolved into mist. Shinji reached out and grabbed Little Rei's hand, melding their souls into a being of light and darkness. Reaching out, Shinji grasped the parts of Caine that had not already fled his mind, clamping down on them like a vice.

**NO!**

Caine's shriek echoed throughout the dream field, sending waves of destruction across its peaceful landscape. For what seemed like an eternity they struggled, two colossi of light battling for supremacy. The difference was in that small bit of darkness that wove its way through the one. The being known as Caine, despite all of his clawing, was slowly being dragged back inside of Shinji.

That was when, in his desperation, Caine split himself.

With a sound like tearing linen, the greater portion, of Caine tore itself free, howling into the darkness between worlds. Its wounded soul flew free, leaving behind a well of light which the second giant now clasped firmly.

The giant of light and darkness wrestled the quasi-intelligent mass into an iron box, slamming the lid shut. In moments, chains of that light and darkness wove themselves around the box, sealing away whatever measure of power that Caine had left behind with his now fragmented soul.

With a gasp, Shinji found himself back in his own body, Little Rei standing before him with a smile on her face.

"Did I do a good job?" She asked.

Shinji smiled, "Better than good. Thank you, little sister."

"Any time, now let's play tag!" She yelled, turning around and running off into the once again restored fields grain, "You're it!"

Shinji took a moment to banish the box deep inside of himself, then made chase.

After all, elite Eva pilots, much like the souls of the creatures they pilot, need to kick back and enjoy themselves once in a while.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

Apologies to all of the Rei-shippers out there. I have nothing against the pairing, and honestly find several stories about it rather cute. In this case, I never planned for her and Shinji to have anything more than a very close brother-sister relationship built on the fact that they found each other when they needed somebody most. Rei will continue to be a pivotal character in the series, just not as Shinji's girlfriend.

In terms of relationships, things are about to get spicy (spicy for better Angels, so nothing explicit), so stay tuned all of you other shippers, because Shinji has a hot date within the next two chapters.


	33. My Tamako

Better Angels

Chapter 33

My Tamako

**Monday, 0830 hours, 6 days since Sandalphon**

Shinji scratched his head as his cellphone buzzed. He glanced over at Rei, who was busily working on something he couldn't see. Due to her lack of response, he assumed that the message wasn't for pilots in general.

Curiously, he opened the device and opened the new message.

_My place at five. It's my turn to treat you to a night out!_

The caller ID informed him that it was Tamako Aida, and Shinji felt a faint flush creep across his face at the prospect of meeting with Kensuke's sister again. In all honesty, Shinji wasn't sure how he felt about the woman. She was certainly… aggressive.

"Rei?" Shinji asked.

Rei looked over at him, one eyebrow raised in question.

"Do you think that Tamako is trying to get me to be her boyfriend for real?" He asked, holding up the message.

Rei read the response and gave him the driest look he had ever received.

"So… yes?" he asked.

Rei turned back to her computer with a sigh.

"Rei?" Shinji asked in a pleading voice.

She ignored him. There were some things that Shinji Ikari was going to have to figure out for himself. Rei was willing to help him to an extent, but if he failed to read the body language she was projecting now, he didn't deserve to even be around women.

Shinji got the hint. Somehow. It only made him blush harder.

"You look like me after my second day on the beach!" Hikari noted.

Shinji spun to his newly returned friend, who was sporting skin several shades darker than what she usually had, along with some more freckles.

"Yeesh," Hikari said, gingerly touching the back of her neck, "Okinawa was nice, but I think my skin is still burnt from when I let Maru convince me to stay out for another ten minutes."

"H-Hikari!" Shinji yelped, covertly tucking his cellphone away, "I didn't see you come in!"

Hikari eyed him suspiciously, "No you didn't. Why are you acting strange Shinji, did you do something bad while I wasn't here?!"

She loomed over him at that and Shinji put on a smile, waving a hand as if to ward away her question.

"N-nothing much!" He said, "It was just Rei and I for the week."

Hikari raised an eyebrow, "What happened to Asuka?"

Shinji froze. Rei, who had up to this point been sitting with a small smile on her face, turned suddenly to face the class representative.

"I have been asked to inform you that Pilot Soryu will be withdrawing from classes indefinitely," Rei said, "Due to injuries received in the line of duty."

Hikari's mouth dropped open.

"All inquiries should be addressed to NERV human resources," Rei continued, "Persons are notified that Pilot Soryu's condition is a matter of international security and should not expect to receive any information if they do not have a direct familial connection to her."

Hikari stared, "What…?"

"Asuka got hurt," Shinji translated.

Hikari's eyes flickered between the two of them, then she took her seat, "Tell me."

The fire in her eyes was enough to melt through even Rei's discipline, and they told her. The fight with the Angel, the attempted kidnapping, and the man who shared Shinji's face. They did not tell her about Gehirn's little cloning project, Shinji was unwilling to expose her to that level of danger.

"I see." Hikari said, her face hard, "Is she allowed visitors this time?"

"We didn't have any trouble getting in," Shinji said, "but then again…"

"Then you get to take me," Hikari demanded, "After school."

"I will take you." Rei intervened, "There are many things between Pilot Soryu and Shinji which have yet to be addressed."

Hikari gave Rei a strange look but agreed readily.

Sighing Shinji turned back to his notepad to confront the truly monstrous mountain of work that Ritsuko had sent to him. He suddenly regretted prodding the woman into challenging his mind. It looked like he was going to start hating school as much as his peers, albeit with a different target for that loathing.

Shinji fairly staggered out to lunch and began eating mechanically while Hikari and Rei approached, having been waylaid by some girls before exiting the classroom.

"What's up with him?" Hikari asked, noting the dour complexion of their classmate as he lay on the bench usually shared by the three.

"He has been assigned advanced studies by Doctor Akagi," Rei said, "He has committed the grievous sin of attracting the attention of a genius."

"My head hurts." Shinji complained.

Hikari leaned over him and grinned, "What's the matter Shinji-kun? Is school suddenly too hard for you?"

Shinji opened his eyes and realized how close Hikari was. He felt his cheeks go red as he remembered what Rei had told him about her. He opened his mouth to say something, only for Hikari to tap him on the forehead.

"Get up lazybones," She said, "The rest of us need a place to sit."

"You're kind of in the way." Shinji muttered, trying for a measure of dryness.

Hikari blinked, then straightened up with a short cough, "I think someone is a little grump today Rei."

Rei nodded in assent as Shinji righted himself. She dropped onto the bench, next to Shinji, leaving him with little room to maneuver as Hikari settled down on his other side. Shinji shot Rei a glower, which was returned with a bemused smile. She apparently knew what she was doing.

"So," Hikari said, "Tell me more about your misadventures while I was gone. I guess it was a good thing that you were here, though I was disappointed that you didn't make it to Okinawa with us."

Rei joined in, "I assisted Hikari in shopping for a swimsuit. She seemed to be looking to impress someone."

Both Shinji and Hikari blushed at that, turning glares on their blue-haired friend.

"Rei!" Hikari erupted, "Why would you say something like that?!"

Rei had turned to her lunch and was too busy devouring it to answer. Shinji and Hikari looked at each other, realized the other was blushing, then hurriedly set about eating their own meals. It was not the most strained of time spent together, but it was definitely in the top five moments when both wished that they were alone. Rei smiled quietly as she ate, finishing before the other two.

"H-how was Okinawa?" Shinji asked suddenly, finally tired of the awkwardness.

Hikari jumped, then smiled at him, "It was fantastic! I didn't realize how much tension had been building inside of me until that first day on the beach. I probably swam for an hour straight before getting out to relax. After that… It was nice to just get away from all of this. No constant drills or threat of attack, no worrying about what is coming next. It was like letting out a stale breath that you didn't know you were holding, then getting that first lungful of fresh air."

Shinji and Rei glanced at each other. Rei placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and they both turned back to Hikari. Having watched the exchange, the brunette suddenly realized what she had said.

"That is, I mean." She tried, then sighed, bowing to them, "I'm sorry. I forgot who it is that I was talking to."

Shinji smiled, "It's okay Hikari. Rei and I… we know we're not normal."

Rei nodded, "We are endowed with purpose and burdened with duty."

Hikari scowled, "It's not right!"

The two siblings shrugged simultaneously, a mildly creepy affectation when Hikari watched it.

"If you can convince the Angels to take the month off," Shinji remarked, "I won't fight you. As it is, we have a vague idea of their schedule. If you could call it that. There's a kind of comfort in that. Besides, between daily physical and firearms training, I generally blow off enough steam."

Hikari remined disgruntled. With some encouragement, the two pilots got her to continue her description of the class trip. Shinji and Rei remained quiet, listening with rapt attention, and for a short time, they were just three high-schoolers enjoying lunch together. It was no substitute for a real vacation, but it was as close as either Shinji or Rei were likely to get.

XXXXXX

In an act as rare as it was startling, Shinji had come home to a Misato who was lounging in the living room.

"Did NERV get blown up?" Shinji asked immediately.

Misato regarded him with a raised eyebrow, "Good afternoon to you too. Is it so hard to believe that I got done with all of my paperwork and decided to take a little personal time?"

Shinji shook his head fervently, causing Misato to grimace.

"Scuttlebutt says that you have a hot date tonight." Misato finally supplied.

Shinji's eyes narrowed, "And my scuttlebutt you mean…"

"Your personal message logs!" Misato grinned, "Mother knows!"

"I'm going to throw my phone away." Shinji growled, turning a fiery gaze on the object in question.

"The phone is a compromise," She said, "We could have a Section Two agent with you at all times."

"Just because I hardly notice them anymore, it doesn't mean that I'm not aware the Noble team is dogging my steps throughout the day." Shinji said.

"Noble team is protecting you," Misato replied, "And doing a fine job at that. I'm talking about having someone there in a purely surveillance role."

"Don't you trust me?" Shinji asked, feeling tongues of anger licking at him.

"Completely," Misato said, "Neither Commander Ikari nor his bosses do though. Aside from that, I don't always trust the people with whom you interact."

She held up a folder. Inside was a picture of Tamako Aida, and a printed page full of information about the woman.

"I get that you don't have a whole lot of self-esteem," Misato said, "Hell, I don't know many teenagers who do. I don't even know that many adults who feel good about themselves. But you have to come to terms with the fact that you are extremely important to the survival of humanity. As such, it would be within the realm of downright stupidity if we didn't carefully monitor you and the people around you."

Shinji dropped onto the couch with a sigh and Misato leaned against him while continuing to read about the woman he was supposed to meet in a couple hours.

"Anything interesting?" He asked.

Misato's eyes sparkled as she quickly hid the document, "Ah, ah. That would be cheating Shinji-kun. I need to know about her because of security. It ruins the whole dance if you go in with my… intimate level of knowledge."

"How can you make even simple things sound dirty?" Shinji groaned, giving Misato a half-hearted shove.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Misato said breezily, "Maybe it's that hormone riddled brain of yours making things more sexual than they should be."

"Hah," Shinji said dryly, "I'm afraid that even Ritsuko would back me up on this due to a preponderance of evidence."

"Curse you and your science!" Misato joked.

Shinji sniffed mildly and held up his nose, "I wouldn't expect you to understand us people of culture and progress."

"Careful," Misato said, "I can still have Tamako brought in for discreet questioning."

"Maybe that would be best…" Shinji muttered.

Misato's smile dropped off of her face and she shut the folder, turning to face him, "What's going on."

Shinji shifted under her suddenly compassionate gaze, "It's just…"

Misato was strangely silent. Normally, the woman would have jumped in with a solution or with a mild jab that would have sent them into another verbal sparring session. Now she simply waited, her eyes filled with a level of understanding that made him more than a little uncomfortable.

"I'm not sure I want to go." Shinji muttered.

Misato sighed, "I really wish you had a male role model for this."

"I could call Sergey…" Shinji offered.

"No!" Misato blurted out, then laughed, "He might lead an ambush and get you both buzzed enough for some… extracurricular activities."

Shinji blushed a bright red as he realized what Misato was talking about.

Misato rubbed her temples and sat back, "I'm going to be honest with you, you should probably not be taking dating advice from me. My track record is… spotty at best. I wasn't even in a position where I could go on dates when I was your age."

Shinji remembered the tale of her year-long muteness.

"Just have some fun," Misato said, "Tamako is older than you, and knows her way around the dating scene better than you right now. Let her take the lead. If a decision comes up, try to be decisive, women like that."

"Remember that you're there to get to know her, even if you are doing something else," Misato said, "Talk to her, but more importantly, listen. You'll get a lot farther with your ears than with anything that comes out of your mouth."

From the wistful look on her face, Shinji could tell that they had travelled out of the realm of dating advice and were now fully in Misato's fantasy date territory. He let her talk for a time, taking some careful notes in his head for any men whom he thought would be worthy of her. That list was unsurprisingly short.

Shinji checked his phone and placed a gentle hand on Misato's arm, cutting her off.

"I need to get going or I'll be late." He said

She looked him over, "You're going in that?"

Shinji glance down at his uniform, "Well, if someone hadn't talked my ear off…"

Misato froze, then laughed, "I guess I did get carried away."

"I'll see you tonight." He said, standing up.

She rose with him and gave him a tight hug, then whispered in his ear, "Or tomorrow morning."

He felt his face flush a bright red, "Misato!"

She chuckled throatily, "Sorry. It just feels like I'm losing you."

"I'll always come back to you Misato." He replied, then grinned as he pulled away, "At least, until I end up spending the night with someone…"

She held him at arms' length and laughed, "You're too much. No sex tonight though, got it?"

"Yes ma'am." He responded, giving her a mock salute.

She shoved him playfully, "Don't let me down soldier."

It was a wonderful thing to be loved.

XXXXXX

Shinji had the long walk to Tamako's apartment to lose whatever semblance of confidence Misato had managed to instill in him. He was practically a wreck by the time he stood at the nurse's front door. He stood there for a long time, seriously considering just turning and fleeing. Angels and emotional trauma he could handle. A woman?

Not in a million years.

The decision was taken out of his hands when the door before him swung open, revealing Tamako. She was wearing a pair of rather tight fitting jeans and a flowery blouse which accented, without revealing, her torso and certain other… attributes. Shinji froze as the woman before him looked him up and down appraisingly, then smiled.

"There is something innocently attractive about girls in school uniforms," She said, "I shouldn't be surprised when it applies to boys too."

Shinji blushed, causing Tamako to laugh, "If you do that every time I compliment you I'm going to start worrying that you're going into anaphylactic shock."

Shinji grinned and tried to shrink a little bit, "I-I assure you that I don't have any allergies."

She smiled, "Good, then dinner should be easy."

Stepping out of the house, she locked the door and took his arm. Shinji felt another surge of heat and a stutter of his heart at the contact. Remembering Misato's instructions, he ignored his desire to pull away. As they walked, he grew comfortable, or perhaps numb, enough to the action that he found his throat open enough for speech.

"So, where are we going?" He asked.

Tamako looked up at him with a brilliant smile, "That's my secret. I told you that I was taking you out tonight, so that's how it's going to be."

"Yes ma'am." He responded reflexively.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes, "Try not to be too tense Shinji-kun, I promise that I won't hurt you."

The way she said that set his nerves on edge.

He gulped, "That's… not what I'm afraid of."

She grinned wickedly, "Dinner first."

'_Show interest in her_' Misato's words echoed in his head.

"What do you do when you're not working?" He asked.

She gave his arm a squeeze, "Well, between Kensuke and my favorite dramas I don't have a lot of time. Although I have been known to read the occasional book."

"I always thought of Kensuke as self-sufficient." Shinji noted.

She snorted, "That boy would starve to death happily if I didn't make him eat. Of course, my cooking isn't anywhere near your level, so maybe he just doesn't like the flavor."

"I could teach you some tricks if you would like." Shinji said.

She grinned, "Why Shinji-kun, are you trying to turn me into a housewife?"

Shinji blushed, "N-no!"

Her grin faded to a smile, "I've never been more than passable at the culinary arts, and I don't really have the time or desire to get that much better. I can operate a rice cooker and follow directions on a package or a simple recipe, but that's about the end of my skills."

"Oh…" Shinji said, "I guess I hadn't thought of it like that."

"I'm sure there are plenty of girls who will try to impress you with their cooking skills," Tamako said, "I'm just not one of them. Besides, it would be a waste if I tried to compete with you in the kitchen. A couple's skill sets should complement one another."

Shinji had a strange suspicion that there was more than idle observation behind that statement. They fell silent after that, and Shinji began humming softly as they walked. Tamako sidled a little closer, her warmth outshining the dying rays of the sun.

"You do have a lovely voice you know." She murmured.

"You should hear me play the cello." He said before he could think better of it.

"I would like that very much," She said, the predatory note gone from her voice, "Something tells me that you are more than passable at it."

He glanced down at her, "What makes you say that?"

"In the short time I have known you," She said, her gaze focused ahead of them, "I have noticed that you never do anything by halves. When you visited Rei, you never settled for just being there, you actively comforted her. You don't just cook, you make art in the kitchen."

She paused, turning to look up into his eyes, "And you're not just here to protect us Shinji. I think that your purpose is to save us. Not just from the Angels, but from ourselves."

Shinji cleared his throat, but couldn't find anything to say. Tamako smiled and took the lead again. They remained silent for the rest of the walk until they came to a small café which boasted a view over the lake. As they were seated, Shinji idly wondered what had happened to the body of the Angel that had been extracted from that lake. There was still a triangular outlet which speared its way into the lower city from where it had rested.

They ordered and settled into lighter chatter, although Shinji would occasionally throw a look at the resting place of one of his enemies. Tamako had noticed and decided to inquire when their food arrived.

"Thinking deep thoughts?" She asked, gesturing at the lake.

He started slightly, then nodded, "Just remembering the past."

Tamako noded somberly, "I remember that one too. I thought you were going to choke on your own sputum for a few days after that one."

He chuckled, "LCL doesn't come up like mucus, especially if it has been boiled and congealed."

She slurped up a yakisoba noodle, "You're lucky that you're dating a nurse. This kind of conversation wouldn't fly with ordinary girls."

"Am I dating a nurse?" He asked.

She tilted her head, "I don't know Shinji-kun, are you?"

"I…" He said, "I don't know."

He saw a mild flash of disappointment in her eyes, but they brightened again, "Well, as promised before, you're currently pretending to be my boyfriend. So I guess you could say that you are dating a nurse right now."

Shinji was unconvinced by that façade. They reverted to talking about inconsequential things for the rest of dinner before paying and departing. Tamako insisted on footing the bill, indicating that she was treating him, and wouldn't hear any sort of complaint.

Evening was coming on as they descended the well-lit streets of Tokyo-3 towards the lake. They ended up at the edge of a park, where Shinji managed to distract Tamako long enough to purchase two cups of hot chocolate from a vendor. Tamako hurriedly ate the miniature marshmallows out of hers before they melted.

"They're the best part you know." She said, slurping down another, "I swear, if I could find a place that sells them, I would quit cooking all together and get my caloric requirements from them."

Shinji chuckled, "I feel like that isn't healthy."

"As a medical practitioner, it is my job to inform others of the things that are supposed to keep them healthy, then refuse to do them myself." Tamako sniffed, "I thought you would have realized that by now."

They entered the park and wound their way along the paths underneath the blooming trees. Shinji spent time just looking up at those evidences of new life.

"You're rather quiet." Tamako remarked.

"I was just thinking about how beautiful it is out here," He said, "There's life springing forth, even in this place designed for death. It gives me… hope."

Tamako stopped and looked up with him, holding him a little tighter as they observed the trees. At length, they continued on, though Tamako did not remove the hand which had laced itself around his waist. They finally reached a bench which overlooked the lake and mountains in the distance. Shinji watched the waves lapping at the rocky shore contentedly, forgetting entirely the reason why he was here for a short while.

Tamako, as if realizing this, took his arm and looped it over her shoulders and snuggled in close to him, her head resting on his chest. Shinji was thankful for the fading light, as he felt certain it hid the blush on his face from her view.

"What do you dream of Shinji?" She asked suddenly.

Shinji remained silent for some time. At first, he thought about describing the dream field, although something told him that she wasn't referring to his dreams literally, but rather the thing that he hoped most deeply for. That thought led him down several pathways in his mind, although none really had a certain ending.

"A world better than this one." Shinji said, "Where people don't hurt each other. Where we do more than survive day by day, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. A world where people can make their own choices, rather than being pushed into them by circumstances."

"Is that why you fight?" She asked.

He paused, then shook his head, "No, I'm not that magnanimous. I fight for the people I love. I fight to keep them from feeling the pain that I feel. I fight because if I don't, then the things that I care about will suffer."

"That still sounds pretty self-sacrificing to me." Tamako noted.

"It's not though," He said, "It would be a sacrifice if I fought for somebody I didn't love. More so if I actively fought for someone I hated. As it is, the reason why I fight is purely selfish. I'm no better or worse than every person in Tokyo-3, I just have the power to do something that others can't."

"But really," He continued, "I think that's okay. Love is a selfish emotion that makes us do things that are selfless. What really matters isn't the fact that we love, because even my father loves something. What really matters, is what we love. I love people, and I draw strength from them through that love. Whatever my father loves, it leads him to destroy and hurt everything around him."

Tamako paused, then pulled back, turning to face him. She held his eyes for a long moment, and Shinji waited for her to launch into some kind of denial of his words.

Instead, she kissed him.

It was more than a peck on the lips, but less than a lusty proposition. It was a promise. Her lips on his fulfilled a desire deep in his heart, yet left him wanting even more as she pulled away.

She rested a hand on his cheek, "You've been hurt badly by this world Shinji. I can see the invisible scars all over you. It's in that sad smile that melts my heart, or the way you hunch your shoulders when you walk."

She paused, then looked at him closely, "Has anyone ever told you that it is okay for you to be happy?"

He remained silent. The half of him that was still reeling from the kiss was only overpowered by the part of him that was seriously contemplating that question. He stared down at his feet, his shoulders shrinking in on themselves.

He felt something inside of himself shifting. He had accepted his pain and ceased hating himself. But was that really enough? For the past few days he had been functional, but there was still something missing. Something that he felt his heart desperately reaching for. What was it though?

"Come on," Tamako said, "Why don't you walk me home. I don't want Kensuke to worry too much."

Shinji nodded and rose with her. When she attached herself to his arm, he didn't feel the same awkwardness, just a mild sense of disappointment. He examined that feeling as they walked in silence and realized that he wanted to do more than just hold this woman. On the other hand, he was afraid of what that would mean.

'_How would Hikari feel?'_ He asked himself, glancing down at Tamako, who returned his look with a smile.

That thought elicited another jumbled confusion of thoughts. In the end, he simply chose to do nothing, and in time they found themselves at Tamako's door again. Stepping away, she turned to face him.

"I can't say I had a fun time," She noted dryly, "But it was… interesting. There is a lot to unwrap about you Shinji Ikari. You're cute, gentle, and more than a little shy. But there has always been an aura of deep sadness around you. Even though you stand a little straighter now, that sadness is still there. I… I don't know how I feel about that."

He nodded, accepting those words.

"That said," She continued, stepping in close, "There is darkness in all of us, it just takes different forms. I want to… I want to see what will happen if we spend more time together."

Then, rising on tiptoe, she gave him another kiss. The warmth of her lips shot through his body, and he felt a hard part of himself melting as the arms around his neck dragged him down to her level as she dropped back onto her heels.

Before he could do more than begin to reciprocate, Tamako pulled back, giving him a gentle tap on the chest.

"That's all for tonight," She said, giving him a mischievous smile, "A certain blue-haired pilot gave me some very… creative warnings as to how far I should push you physically tonight."

"Oh." Shinji said, reeling enough that the implications of that statement didn't quite connect in his brain.

"Good night Shinji-kun," She said, "I'll let you make the next move if you want to go further. Though I won't wait forever."

With that, she left him standing on her doorstep, the memory of her smile as warm as the night around him.

* * *

A/N: This one is mildly important, as it affects my current update schedule.

Howdy folks,

Next week I am getting back to school (hands on stuff, not just book learning. Woohoo!). That said, I am going to be flying, making arrangements, and dueling with school administration (Not in a cool sword way either). I expect to be able to get out one more chapter by this Friday, then we're going to run into problems with my schedule.

I'll try to write up another chapter before I depart and post it at the end of my first week with an update on how much I expect to be able to churn out in my quickly diminishing free time. In the worst case, I will be going on temporary hiatus until November 1st after I take my test. I am not letting this fic die, and I really don't want to post a chapter just to update you on my schedule.

A special thanks to anyone who has left me a review, your words have strengthened me and pushed me to continue writing.

-Seratar


	34. Convolutions

Better Angels

Chapter 34

Convolutions

**Friday, 1210 hours, 10 days since Sandalphon**

Shinji laid on the short wall which separated his high school from the outside world. His right hand was outstretched, and he lazily examined the pattern of light that fell on it due to the shade of a nearby tree. It really was entrancing, the way the light and shadow mixed. It almost distracted him from the burning.

"You're getting difficult to track down." Came a voice.

Shinji glanced to the side, only to spot Kensuke Aida moving up next to him.

"Kensuke." Shinji addressed him, "What can I do for you today?"

"It's ironic, but I didn't hunt you down for my own sake today," Kensuke chuckled, "It figures that the one time I wasn't trying to squeeze you for information would be the one day where I found you alone."

"Not for yourself huh?" Shinji asked, "Who for then?"

Kensuke dropped a plain envelope on Shinji's chest, "My sister seems to like you. A lot."

If Shinji blushed, he couldn't tell. Every last inch of his skin felt like it was on fire at the moment. Embracing the pain was helping, but all the Shinji really wanted to do right now was camp out in a walk-in freezer.

"Tamako?" Shinji asked.

"I don't recall having another sister." Kensuke said, "I would be careful though, she has a tendency to burn through boyfriends."

'_Please don't make metaphors about hot things'_ Shinji thought, then spoke aloud, "She told me she only really had one true love."

Kensuke sighed, "Man, she must _really_ like you then."

"What is this anyway?" Shinji asked, "Tamako has my number, she could just call me if she wanted to say something."

Kensuke shrugged, then turned to walk away, "Beats me. I'm just the messenger."

"Hey Kensuke," Shinji paused, "You wanna hear how I rode out the blast from an N2 mine?"

Shinji swore that there were stars in the boy's eyes.

Ten minutes later, Shinji was once again alone. The lunch break was a full hour, so he figured that if he could get over his current bout of psychosomatic feedback syndrome in the next five minutes, he would have enough time to eat and talk with Rei and Hikari.

Hikari…

"Shinji!" Another person yelled.

Shinji looked again, it was Toji, "What's up?"

"My sister wanted me to give you this." Toji said, dropping a decidedly pink envelope on his chest.

"It must be postal day today or something." Shinji mused, holding up the two letters.

"Who's that from?" Toji asked.

"Kensuke's sister." Shinji replied.

"Awwwww yeah." Toji cackled, ruffling Shinji's hair, "I tried to ask her out once but she turned me down flat. What's your secret?"

Shinji shrugged, "As far as I know, spending time in hospitals."

Toji's face darkened slightly at that, then his grin returned, "This is the part where I mention that if you break my sister's heart, I'll make you wish you were dead. On the other hand, if you start egging her on, I'll just murder you in your sleep."

Shinji's skin still burned abominably, "I promise to let Sakura-chan down easy."

"Why are you out here all by yourself anyways?" Toji asked, "Don't you have a bunch of girls chasing you around?"

"I wouldn't say they were chasing me…" Shinji muttered, then looked at the two letters, "But they have certainly stopped being shy."

Toji laughed and slapped him on the chest, driving the wind out of Shinji's lungs, "That's when the fun begins. I tell you what, I once took this chick out who…"

Shinji wondered why it was impossible to be alone today.

After ten minutes, Toji got bored of telling Shinji about his wild, and wildly inappropriate, love life. With another admonition to 'treat my sister right,' Toji left Shinji to his musings. The teen closed his eyes and breathed deeply, centering himself and putting himself on the brink of embracing the darkness. Here, he could feel the fire more acutely, but it was also easier to separate the sensation from what his body was actually feeling.

"Um… Shinji-kun?" Another voice.

"If it's a letter," Shinji said, mildly irritated, "Just leave it on the wall beside me."

"I ah, well…" Shinji realized that it was a girl's voice.

Opening his eyes, Shinji looked over and spotted Sute Asana, her black hair held back by a headband with a deep purple bow.

"Asana-san," Shinji said, modulating his tone, "Sorry, I've just been trying to relax for a little bit."

Sute nodded, then her cheeks grew red slightly as she spoke, "May I join you?"

Shinji shrugged, "It's not my wall."

Sute hopped up next to him and laid down opposite him. Shinji felt mildly self-conscious as her bow brushed against his hair. She rearranged her skirt and stared up at the tree above them.

"This really is a nice place." She commented after a moment.

Shinji shrugged, "It was the first place I could find without anybody around. I was just looking for somewhere to think."

"I-I can go…" Sute offered.

"It's fine," Shinji said, "Unless you start regaling me with the lurid details of your successful dating life, then you have to leave."

Shinji didn't see the bright red color that Sute's face took on.

"I'm afraid I don't have any stories like that." She whispered.

Silence fell, and Shinji let himself drift again. It might have been his imagination, but it seemed as if the fire was slowly dying down. In another few minutes he could-

"Shinji-kun?" Sute spoke up.

Shinji opened an eye to look up at the tree, "Asana-san?"

"Is there somebody that," She paused, "Somebody that you like?"

"I like lots of people Asana-san," Shinji replied, "But I get the feeling that you're asking if there is somebody that I _like,_ right?"

"Yes." She whispered.

Shinji sighed, "Yes and no. Something happened to me recently, and it feels like, until that point, I've been walking around through life with a blindfold on. Now that I can see certain things, I'm not certain that I don't want that blindfold back."

Shinji began tracing shapes in the air, "What would you do if there was a chance for you to be happy, to seize that happiness, but in doing so, you would end up hurting someone else that you care about?"

"I-I would probably just want things to stay the same." Sute muttered, "I don't like hurting people."

Shinji sat up and turned to her. There was no denying that the girl was cute, especially with the way she as looking up at him.

"You should do what makes you happy Asana-san." Shinji said, scooting off the wall and grabbing his bag.

"The person who I like," Shinji said, "I don't think I can make her happy. You should find someone who can do that for you."

Shinji began to walk away.

"Shinji-kun!" Sute called after his retreating back.

Shinji paused, turning back to her. She was sitting up now. Shinji's heart dropped, he had tried to avoid having to say this outright.

He hated it when things got ugly.

"I need your help!" She cried out, hopping down

XXXXXX

"Look Shinji," Kensuke said, "I'm flattered, but this is just really weird. You know that I'm not actually interested in guys right?"

"It's not from me you moron." Shinji growled, thrusting the envelope into Kensuke's hands.

The blue stationary held up surprisingly well to the abuse, and Kensuke goggled at it.

"Who is it from then?" Kensuke choked.

"A friend of mine." Shinji said, "I'm sure the letter will explain everything."

Kensuke looked like he was going to start hyperventilating at any moment. Shinji slapped him on the back in an attempt to restart his respirations.

"You gonna be okay Kensuke?" Shinji asked, "I should warn you that my CPR license lapsed last month."

That snapped him out of it.

"What! No!" He yelped, "I'm fine. I'm… if this is a joke Shinji, it's not very funny."

Shinji laughed, "Believe me, if it is, the joke is on both of us."

"How so?" Kensuke asked.

"Well," Shinji shrugged, "I kind of thought that that letter was going to be for me. I did everything I could think of to try and avoid receiving it. It turns out that the girl is as much of an Eva fangirl as you are. That, and she wanted me to put in a good word with you."

"Are you putting in a good word for her then?" Kensuke gulped, holding the letter as if it were some kind of toxic material.

Shinji smiled, "Definitely."

Kensuke nodded, but he didn't look convinced, "What should I do Shinji?"

"Well, for starters," Shinji said, "You could stop acting like I handed you a viper."

"It's just as dangerous!" Kensuke yelped, "Do you have any idea how convoluted high school romance is?"

"This isn't an anime or manga," Shinji pointed out, "She's not going to suddenly turn out to be some sort of psychopath who just wants to bathe in your blood."

Kensuke blanched, "Oh crap, I didn't even think of that."

"Just read the letter!" Shinji yelled.

Kensuke looked like he was going to do that, then he looked up, light flashing across his glasses.

"Wait," He called after Shinji's retreating back, "Did you call me a fangirl?!"

The lunch bell rang before the topic could be explored further, and Shinji sulked as he headed towards class, leaving a red-faced Kensuke in his wake. Between his sudden burning episode and the budding relationship between his two friends, Shinji hadn't had time to eat anything for lunch. He quickly removed a ration bar from his bag and downed it, trying not to taste it on the way down.

"Shinji!" Another voice called, causing him to halt.

"If you tell me you have a letter for me," Shinji said without looking, "Or you want me to deliver one, I am literally going to scream."

"What happened to you?" Hikari asked, coming to a stop before him.

Shinji gulped, "Uhhh, nothing class rep."

Hikari's eyes narrowed in suspicion at the use of her title, "You weren't planning to skip class were you?"

"N-never!" Shinji declared, backing up as she planted her fists on her hips.

Hikari glared at him for a moment before softening with a smile, "I just wanted to walk to class with you. I didn't really want to run to catch up with you though."

"Oh." Shinji said, his heart beating in a mildly erratic rhythm, "Shall we?"

Hikari smiled that pretty smile of hers and curtsied to him, "Lead the way."

Shinji wondered briefly if he could sink into the dark world if he meditated hard enough.

Instead of trying it, he accompanied Hikari to class. Despite what his heart and mind kept screaming at him, she neither stopped to confess her burning desire, nor did she pull him into a nearby closet to-

Shinji cut that thought off with prejudice.

Hikari raised an eyebrow at him, "Are you sure that you're okay Shinji? You're acting awfully strange."

"Just fine." Shinji spoke past a strange lump in his throat, "Just ah… dealing with some things. You know me."

Hikari gave him another strange look before entering the classroom.

'_It would really be a good time for another Angel attack'_ Shinji thought.

Unfortunately for Shinji, there would be no such reprieve for him.

XXXXXX

"You are conflicted." Rei said, setting down a cup of tea in front of him and taking a sip from her own.

They were seated on Rei's remarkably comfortable couch, a small coffee table holding their beverages as they spoke. Rei had apparently done a lot of research into decorating her apartment, and had decided that the worn, patched couch which graced Misato's abode would not do for her. Instead, she had somehow gotten her hands on a faux leather monstrosity which was formed into an L shape and took up the majority of her living room.

Shinji felt like he should probably be laying down while Rei asked him about his feelings. Especially when she sat in a recliner which almost swallowed her completely. A piece specifically designed for reading in comfort.

"You really went all out on this." Shinji noted, gesturing to the furniture.

Rei shrugged, "I went for recommendations which would be suitable to intimate encounters with multiple friends at the same time. I have no desire for a television, and reading is my prime source of enjoyment."

"How very…" Shinji said, "Practical?"

"Yes," Rei said, "The couch also makes a suitable sleeping area for two if the necessity arises. Now, your conflict?"

Shinji sighed, gesturing at the two letters he had dropped on the table upon arrival, "It's not just these. I mean, there is no way I'm going to respond to Sakura with anything except platonic overtures. Not only would Toji kill me, but seriously, that's just gross. She's like… twelve or something."

"I have read that little girls often have crushes on their brother's friends." Rei mused, "Although, you should remember that while that is the norm, the situation between you and Sakura-chan is anything but normal. Like me, she is in possession of a part of your soul, albeit a much smaller part. It is natural that she would be drawn to you."

Rei continued, "It could be that she is getting desperate to see you, considering that you have never even spoken to her."

Shinji opened his mouth, then clapped it shut. How exactly had that happened?

"I guess I've been a little bit busy huh?" He said, chuckling lightly.

"It appears as if I am not the only person in the room with a talent for understatement." Rei noted dryly.

"So what do I do?" Shinji said.

"About Sakura-chan?" Rei asked, "That's easy enough. You go talk to her. About everything else…"

"That is supremely," Shinji thought for a moment, "Unhelpful."

"Shinji," Rei said, "One of us has an extremely skewed understanding of how relationships work, especially romantic ones. The other is me, and I am wholly unqualified to know anything about the heart."

"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" Shinji groaned, leaning back.

"I believe the proper term is, 'the blind leading the blind.'" Rei said, "Although it may be more appropriate to claim myopia rather than complete blindness. If we were completely clueless, we would not be having this conversation."

Shinji blew a lock of hair out of his face, "I hate this."

Rei took a sip of her tea and gestured at the letters, "Perhaps you should read what Tamako-san has to say before you give up all vestiges of hope."

Shinji groaned and sat forward, glaring at the piece of paper, as if he could make it disappear with a mere thought.

"What are your feelings towards Tamako-san?" Rei asked.

Shinji sighed and picked up the letter. Opening it, he read to himself while Rei continued drinking.

_Hi there Shinji-kun!_

_I know that I told you that I would wait for you to make the next move, but I've been having trouble sleeping due to a certain boy wandering around my head at night. I'm sure you are well acquainted with the culprit._

_I never really got to have a proper adolescence. The world was going through too much chaos at the time, and I was forced to grow up far too quickly. The thing is, when I am with you, I feel like a school girl again. A proper one this time. Nobody has been able to do that for me, only you._

_So, I guess I should just admit it._

_I like you Shinji Ikari. You remind me that life is more than eating, sleeping, and working. You make me feel like there is something worth working towards. Something with you._

_Yours with love,_

_Tamako Aida._

Shinji stared at the letter.

"Shinji?" Rei asked.

He held out the letter. Rei took it and read it quietly, folded it, and set it down on the table before them. She too fell silent.

"What do I do?" Shinji asked the air.

Rei looked at him, "I suggest you take this up with Captain Katsuragi. She may have insights which will shed further light on this problem. As your sister, I can only encourage you. I believe that whatever Tamako-san feels for you is pure. I have known her for several years, and she is a wholly candid person when it matters."

"However," Rei continued, "As Hikari's friend I must urge you to think of her feelings too. As it stands, she is still afraid to admit anything of the kind to you. In fact, if she were here right now, I believe that she would encourage you to pursue Tamako-san as a romantic prospect. Even as it broke her own heart to do so."

Shinji cast his eyes upwards towards whatever power was watching over them, "Is it too much to ask for just one day of my life without more complications stacking up?

"I am afraid that would imply that the world is in fact, fair." Rei noted dryly, "I can assure you that there is little to no justice in this world."

Shinji shut his mouth, remembering who he was complaining to about being dealt a poor hand in life.

"Have you decided what to do about Kaji-san's request?" She asked.

"I'm going to do it," Shinji said, "I'm just not sure when I will get the opportunity."

Rei nodded thoughtfully, "Doctor Akagi is lacking in social grace, but she cannot be accused of being unaware of her surroundings. Just the people in them. I believe you best opportunity will come when she summons you for practical application."

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Doctor Akagi is currently putting together a list of projects she would like you to participate in." Rei explained, "Training a genius from books is no way to unlock their potential. She will be employing your mind in working on some of the problems surrounding the Evangelion project."

"That seems… Dangerous." Shinji said.

"Not especially," Rei said, "She will likely have you monitoring things like nerve regeneration and calculating stresses placed on the armor. Small things that she can double-check but will reduce her overall workload."

"So I'm becoming an unpaid intern?" Shinji asked.

"I believe your salary as a pilot with hazard pay is more than generous," Rei said, "Misato has made sure of that."

Shinji sighed, "Great, more time at NERV."

"More opportunities," Rei corrected him, "I believe you have firmly stated that your primary goal is to discover what lies beneath headquarters. This work, if you put your mind to it with diligence, will likely open more doors than you thought possible. It may also put you in a position to get a hold of her card for the seconds it will require to carry out Kaji-san's plan."

Shinji nodded thoughtfully, "Okay, I can see that. Where would I be without you Rei?"

"All men are lost without a strong female to lead them," Rei stated, a smile playing across her lips, "That is why high school boys are so utterly helpless."

Shinji scowled, "You realize that I'm a high school boy, right?"

Rei rose to the sound of a whistling kettle, "Of course, brother dearest."

Shinji deflated with a sigh. Maybe she was right. Rei served tea for both of them and they sat in comfortable silence, taking solace in the simple comfort that they offered each other.

XXXXXX

**Crack**

**Crack**

**Crack**

Shinji timed every squeeze of the trigger with every third heartbeat. The AR25 in his hands was a smooth machine of death, designed for single-round, triple-burst, or, if you were feeling foolhardy or desperate, full automatic.

Shinji had handled a pallet rifle, which had a larger magazine, and was by far a deadlier weapon, but there was something primal about holding a weapon in his own two hands that never quite translated when he was in Unit-01.

**Crack**

**Crack**

**Crack**

Shinji smoothly dropped the expended magazine from the weapon and made the weapon safe, placing it on the range before him. Stepping back, he turned to face Colonel Dunham. The American gestured at the spotter who was standing above and behind the firing line.

"Besides the first three ranging shots," The man said, "They're all inside the bullseye."

Colonel Dunham smiled at Shinji, "Well, I think we can safely say that the United States Air Force has nothing more to teach you about firing a rifle. There would normally be a little more ceremony to this, but I think you understand the importance of me giving this to you."

Colonel Dunham held out the piece of fabric that the marine gunnery sergeant had sent him. The two crossed rifles upon it were a simple design, but they represented something that Shinji hadn't realized he was striving for.

"Lieutenant Ikari," He said, "With the blessing of the USMC, I hereby present you with this rifleman's badge. Wear it with pride."

"Thank you sir." Shinji said quietly, examining the badge carefully as he held it.

Colonel Dunham clapped him on the shoulder, "Let's go for a walk."

Shinji complied, though not before turning in his weapon to the armory, which elicited a nod of approval from the Colonel.

"What's bothering you lieutenant?" Michael said without preamble.

Shinji hunched his shoulders a little, "What makes you think that something is wrong?"

The Colonel laughed, "I've known plenty of soldiers in my time Shinji. I command men and women who go into battle. I know what to look for when someone has hit a wall. Whether or not they went through it is irrelevant. That kind of problem leaves a mark."

Shinji nodded and sighed glumly, "There's a lot things. I wouldn't know where to start…"

Colonel Dunham shrugged, "I've got time. Why don't you start from the beginning."

"That would take a very long time." Shinji admitted.

Michael nodded thoughtfully, "In that case, why don't you pick something that is really bothering you and talk about it. Maybe something that I'm equipped to talk to you about?"

Shinji took several moments to think, then opened his mouth.

"You've killed men before, right?" Shinji asked.

Colonel Dunham took this in stride, "I have taken the lives of more men and women that I would like to count. Air support is a bloody business, although we are usually far enough from the point of contact that it is less of a problem. However, I would be lying if I told you that I have not killed more than one man while being able to look in his eyes. I assume that you are referring to the incident with Miss Soryu's kidnappers?"

Shinji nodded mutely.

"Are you having nightmares about it?" Colonel Dunham asked.

Shinji shook his head.

"Flashbacks?" The Colonel continued.

Shinji shook his head again. Colonel Dunham came to a stop and turned to face Shinji.

"Lieutenant," He said softly, "I would like to help you, but you need to give me something."

Shinji stared at the ground for a moment, then blurted, "I don't feel anything!"

Shinji had expected the man to draw back. Buried somewhere underneath all of the problems he had been facing, that thought had been troubling him for a long time. He felt like a freak for it. He had taken the life of a fellow human, and he didn't even have the decency to feel bad about it.

Instead of turning on him, Colonel Dunham placed a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder, "That's not abnormal. Tell me Shinji, if you had a chance to do it again, would you?"

Shinji closed his eyes and nodded, "In a heartbeat."

"As far as you know, did those men deserve to die?" Colonel Dunham asked.

"I… I don't know if they did." Shinji replied.

"Do you think that Miss Soryu deserved to be taken and murdered by them?"

"No!"

"Can you think of any other way that you could have acted that would have kept yourself, Miss Soryu, and the remnants of the third engineering division safe without killing them? I'm sure you have played the scenario in your head more than a few times."

Shinji shook his head, having fallen silent.

The Colonel continued, "Taking a life should never be easy, but at the end of the day, there are people who simply cannot be reasoned with. If that were not the case, then we would have no need for weapons."

"Having read the after-action report and knowing you," The Colonel said, "I don't believe that you acted in any way that should make you feel guilty."

"I imagine you have been keeping busy lately?" He asked.

Shinji nodded.

"Take a night off," The Colonel said, "Sit down with someone you trust and talk about it with them. What you're going through right now isn't post traumatic stress disorder, but it is one of the things that can cause it. You need to take some time to process everything that has happened. The reason why you don't feel anything is because you're not letting yourself, because if you stop to feel, it could mean death."

Colonel Dunham put a hand on his shoulder, "You're safe right now Shinji, at least for tonight."

Shinji paused, then looked up at the Colonel, "I trust you."

Colonel Dunham looked down at the boy, no, the man standing before him. With a sigh, he put an arm around Shinji's shoulder and led him away. He was going to need a drink if they were going to talk about their feelings.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

So between moving and a diet consisting mostly of beef jerky and crackers, I have finally been able to battle through and finish off this chapter. I've just completed orientation for my current round of classes and between that and the test I am taking at the end of this month, I suspect I will have little to no time. So, as of now, Better Angels is on hiatus.

I have already started the next chapter, but I don't see myself finishing it any time soon. If I end up writing for some decompression I _might_ put out another chapter between now and the 31st, but please don't hold your breath waiting for it. That said, You can probably safely bet that there will be another chapter arriving by November 7th. At that point I will have a better evaluation of how regularly chapters will be coming out after that.

That should about cover it. If you have ever left me a review or sent me a message, thank you for supporting me in more than just my writing. As I focus on being successful in my own life, I wish all of you the same in your own. Never stop moving forward, even when it hurts most, there is always hope.

Until November,

-Seratar


	35. A Rude Awakening

Better Angels

Chapter 35

A Rude Awakening

**Sunday, 0200 hours, 12 days since Sandalphon**

Something was very wrong.

Laying very still, Shinji extended all of his sense as far as he could. In the quiet moment between breaths, he heard something that sounded like the tearing of canvas. His blood went cold as he recognized the sound of a heavy automatic weapon being fired.

Scrambling up, Shinji pulled on a pair of pants and padded quietly to his window. Looking out over Tokyo-3, Shinji tried to put his finger on why the scene before him felt wrong. Only when he absently tried to flick on his desk lamp did Shinji realize what the problem was.

Tokyo-3 had no power.

Scrabbling for his cellphone, Shinji was rewarded with only a voice which informed him that the cellular service of the city was currently down. Even the backup channel which NERV used gave only a flat tone when he tried it.

Sudden, sharp rapping came at his door. Shinji had only a moment to wonder who it could be before the crash of the door being kicked in flooded through the house.

Thinking fast, Shinji dove for the combat knife that Sergey had given him. Rolling to his feet, he realized that someone was yelling.

"Shinji!" Came the voice of Noble-3, "We need to get you out of here!"

"Where does the bluebird fly?" Shinji shot back.

"In a moonlit sky." The man replied, "Where does the beast sleep?"

"In a dream, where it endlessly weeps." Shinji replied, finally relaxing.

Noble-3 slid his door open and checked the room, "Captain Katsuragi is already at headquarters. We don't know much, bu-"

He was cut off by a hissing sound. Noble-3, rather than trying to find the source of that sound, grabbed Shinji in a bearhug and threw himself and his charge through the door to Asuka's room. A moment of confusion, then the world shattered in an explosion.

The ringing in Shinji's ears was disrupted by a faint popping sound. He looked up to see Noble-3 on one knee, firing shots at his room. Shinji, wondering what had happened, looked over, only to see that his room, well, former room now, was now a gaping hole which let out onto a dizzying drop to the streets of Tokyo-3 below, where a formerly black sedan was burning.

"Requesting immediate backup!" Noble-3 yelled, "Repeat, Purple is under attack by unknown forces using explosive weaponry!"

He fired off another round into the dark, then threw himself to the side as that ripping canvas sound announced the arrival of a hail of lead. Bullets tore holes through the apartment which Shinji had called home, sending plaster and Asuka's various possessions flipping through the air. A part of his mind cringed at her reaction to this destruction of her property.

The weapons fire dropped off and Noble-3 took the time to reload.

"Up and at 'em Shinji," He said, glancing over the ruined wall, "Stay low and on my butt. I want to wonder why it is that you haven't bought me dinner yet."

Shinji nodded sluggishly and took a moment to center himself as he patted his thigh, where his knife was still in its sheath. Better to leave it there for now, he didn't want to risk losing it if something else blew up.

Noble-3 led the way, pausing at the ruined entrance to the apartment. Glancing around the corner, he pulled back and held up three fingers to Shinji, then gestured to the outside. Shinji nodded and drew his weapon.

In an explosion of speed, Noble-3 swung out from cover, his pistol speaking half a dozen times before he drew back. A hail of return fire peppered the walls, and Noble-3 ducked low as bullets punched straight through the flimsy material. Noble-3 screamed, and Shinji, also crouching low, looked at him in alarm. The man tossed him a wink.

Footsteps approached, then a voice came from the darkness.

"He's probably dead." A man's voice said.

"One way to check." A woman replied, "Kaito, bounce one of your toys in there and see if anything comes ou-"

Noble-3 stepped out in a fluid motion. His weapon barked twice, then twice again. Then another weapon growled back.

Shinji noted with strange detachment the way in which Noble-3 simply melted to the ground. It wasn't heroic like in the movies, there was no final act of firing his weapon in defiance, or a last word of wisdom to his young charge. He was just… dead, his empty eyes looking back at Shinji. Well, the one eye that wasn't housed on the ruined side of his face.

Shinji suddenly understood the nihilism that drove Kasumi and the rest of Noble team. Each one had lost something precious to them, and now they spent their lives to protect his own to find meaning once again. One final sacrifice, an offering in blood to the hand of fate, in the hopes that they would be able to tip the scales when it mattered most. Noble-3 had given Shinji his last gift.

To waste such a thing would be worse than sin, it would be sacrilege.

Shinji crouched low, a terrible emptiness coursing through him. An emptiness that burned with a hunger that wanted blood.

A figure stepped up to the fallen form of Noble-3, pumping another few rounds into the body. Shinji took the opening. Pushing himself to his limits, Shinji rushed forward, his knife whispering through the air. The woman standing over Noble-3 had less than a second to try and swing her weapon up before he was on her.

Knife flashing, Shinji felt a warm spray of blood hit him as he laid open the woman's neck. She tumbled to the ground, gurgling as she tried to put pressure on the two severed arteries. Shinji, unwilling to give her a chance, drove downward into her chest, his knife slipping between her ribs and tearing through her heart.

Turning, he saw that Noble-3 had exchanged his life for the other two attackers.

More gunfire erupted from the street below, and Shinji dropped to the concrete walkway as the air around him was suddenly occupied by flying metal. Raising his head a little, he saw a pair of figures storming up the staircase. It took them a moment to spot him, but when they did, they raised their weapons.

A pair of knives sprouted from the two attackers, dropping them to the ground. A third man came around the corner, only for a blue-haired blur to leap directly on him, carrying him back down the staircase.

"Rei!" Shinji yelled, scrabbling forward.

A cry of pain was cut short, and moments later, Rei reappeared, crouching low and gesturing at Shinji.

"Hurry!" She called, the rifle of the man now clutched firmly in her arms, "There will be more coming!"

Shinji complied, swiping up another downed rifle. It was not AR-25, but he thought he would be able to work with it. A quick search of one of the bodies came up with three reloads. He used the bannister of the walkway to keep himself covered as he closed the distance between himself and his fellow pilot.

"We need to get to NERV." Rei said calmly as he approached.

"There are people out there trying to blow us up!" Shinji countered.

In response, Rei lifted a finger to point at the distant mountaintops. Risking a look, Shinji felt his stomach turn to ice as a saucer-shaped creature, held up by spindly legs, made its way ever so carefully towards the city. The next Angel had arrived, and the pilots were nowhere near their Evas.

Rei led the way, her own grip on the weapon showing her evident proficiency with it, though she did pause for a moment to retrieve her two knives and slot them into a holster which rode high on her right thigh. Shinji had a sudden thought as they moved down the stairwell.

"Do you always have those with you?" Shinji wondered quietly.

"Yes." Rei replied evenly, checking the next flight of stairs, "Now be quiet, we cannot afford to be heard."

Shinji kept his lips sealed.

They reached the base of their apartment complex without further issues, although there was the sound of a firefight somewhere in the distance. The pops of the small arms were punctuated by more tearing sounds, or even explosions. Shinji guessed that whoever had decided to attack them had prepared well. He had a good idea of who it might be.

A hammer of sound hit the pair as they stepped out onto the street. Shinji saw something which flashed through the night, then disappeared. Moments later, another explosion announced another object tearing through the air. Shinji wondered if that was Colonel Dunham and his men.

"Ahead." Rei said, dropping behind a vehicle.

Shinji followed her lead, glancing at the route towards NERV. Sure enough, there was a squat, black vehicle cruising towards them. On the top of it was a woman manning a rather large gun. Shinji assumed that that was the thing that made the tearing sound when it went off. Some kind of machine gun by the looks of it.

"What do we do?" Shinji asked.

"We wait," Rei replied, staying low as the lights on the vehicle blazed into sudden light.

The sound of opening doors made Shinji's heart sink.

"We've lost contact with groups five and six," Came a hard voice, "Neither pilot is confirmed down, so we need to do this fast and dirty."

"Can't we just blow the building?" Someone asked.

"You aren't hiding a bomb under that vest are you?" Came a scathing reply, "We've got the SRM-sixes, and that's about it right now. Besides, we don't have time to rig it to blow, NERV will be crawling all over this place in minutes."

Four figures moved past Rei and Shinji's hiding spot quickly. Rei tracked the group with her rifle but did not fire. Shinji waited, knowing that it would be better for them if the group simply passed by.

Instead, the last man in the line turned to sweep the street. Rei shot him dead.

Shinji hesitated for a moment, then opened up as the remaining three dove for cover. Whoever these people were, they were more than armed thugs, they had training to get them through a firefight.

Their ambush left only one man left standing.

Rei grabbed Shinji's arm and plunged down the street. He had a moment to wonder what she was doing before the sound of tearing linen was punctuated by the even louder echo of metal shrieking as it was torn to pieces.

Rei returned fire at the vehicle as Shinji ducked around the corner of their building, the air whistling with death.

The sound of an engine roaring let them know that the vehicle still had a driver, and it was coming for them. Shinji darted across the road and pounded down a narrow alley, Rei on his heels as the street behind them lit up with the vehicle's lights.

It really wasn't Shinji's fault that the alley he had chosen was blocked by a fence, but when he suddenly crashed to a halt on the chain-links, their presence made undiscernible by the darkness shrouding the city, he was still stopped dead in his tracks. In fact, he realized, he would soon be as dead as those tracks had just become.

The vehicle, some kind of personnel carrier, pulled up to the mouth of the alley. Shinji had a moment to see the gunner correcting her aim. He wondered what it would feel like to be torn apart. As it turned out, he wouldn't be the one finding out the answer to that question.

Fire bloomed in the street as the vehicle was hit by… something. Another one of those blasts hammered through the air as something dark and predatory blasted between the buildings. Shinji decided that he would have to find something _very_ nice for Colonel Dunham and Eagle-squadron. Rei had no such thought, and quickly had Shinji moving again.

As they ran, Shinji wondered why there were no VTOLs around. His question was answered as they rounded a corner to behold the remains of a bloodbath.

Bodies, those of both Section two agents and the far more soldier-like vests and full body suits of the people who were attacking them, littered the ground around at least half a dozen burning cars, APCs, and a downed VTOL. Shinji guessed that the rest of the things were stuck in whatever subterranean hangar his father kept them. He was suddenly glad that the Americans had decided to station their troops away from NERV's HQ, and above ground at that.

Rei led him to the burned-out husk of a Section Two sedan and sank down behind it.

"Our fastest route to NERV headquarters is through that," She said, gesturing with her head towards the carnage, "Keep low and stay on me. I will rely on you to watch our left and rear while I sweep the front and right."

Shinji nodded, "Covering the rear."

Shinji felt strange as he followed Rei. Normally they would be doing this sort of thing in their Evas. They both understood the principle of moving together and covering each other, but they were used to doing it from the relative safety of an Eva's plug.

Shinji knew that if he took a hit right now, it wouldn't be a matter of fighting through the pain. It would be a matter of whether or not the shooter had hit him in a spot that would kill him instantly, or if he suddenly found himself on the ground with a sucking chest wound. Having felt similar pain through the nerves of an Eva, Shinji was not exactly excited about finding out how it would feel in real life.

With that in mind, he kept his eyes moving. Whenever he turned to watch their backs he put a hand on Rei to make sure that he didn't lost track of her. He didn't want to sprain an ankle by tripping over a piece of debris.

"Left!" He hissed, dropping to a knee in the chaotic shadows.

Rei mirrored his stance and raised her weapon. Shinji was squinting into the darkness at a shape that he would have sworn had moved. They waited for long moments, then the darkness undulated slightly.

Rei, unhesitating, fired off a round. Shadows flashed and the air tore with the sound of return fire as the two teens bolted behind one of the engines of the downed VTOL. Rounds pinged off the reinforced steel of the hull, and they hunkered down until silence fell. The few fires in the area cast warped shadows across the hull of the hiding spot, concealing as much as they revealed.

Rei held up three fingers, then pointed in the direction of where she had shot. Shinji nodded and closed his eyes. There were three enemies. Three men, no, three targets. Shinji was still not comfortable with the relative indifference he felt towards taking human life, but at the moment, he blessed that particular apathy.

"Give me two seconds," Shinji said.

"Wait," Rei began, "I will-"

Shinji ignored her and rushed towards the burned-out husk of an APC, laying down a barrage of fire in the general direction of their assailants. He dove forward as the clip of his weapon ran dry. Return fire blazed across the distance between them, becoming more erratic as Rei dropped one of the men with a precision shot.

A faint 'ting' sounded through the darkness, and Shinji saw caught sight of something arcing towards Rei's position. He began to call out to her, only to see the girl swipe the grenade from the air and hurl it back towards their enemy's position. Shinji ducked low, hearing two yells of panic before a muffled explosion tore through the night. One of the yells became a blood-curdling scream, the other was cut short.

The howls of the injured man were ended by the report of Rei's rifle. Standing, she stormed over to his position, staying low as she threw her back against the cover. Even in the darkness, he could see the ice-cold fury pent up behind her eyes.

"You should let me act as bait." Rei informed him, a touch of ice in her voice.

"I'm faster than you." Shinji noted, reloading his weapon and carefully not meeting her gaze as he searched the darkness around them, "You see better in the dark. Our chances of winning drop drastically if one of us dies out here, even if you can eventually be revived. I chose the most logical path."

Rei paused, then turned away from him, scanning the darkness herself, "I have taught you too well. I also do not believe you."

Shinji smirked, then glanced at the route ahead, "We need to move."

"Taking point." Rei replied, standing.

They stuck to the shadows, moving from cover to cover. They soon left the carnage behind, but were forced to take cover several times as the sounds of random firefights rang through the streets. At times, these fights were accompanied by the sounds of explosions and the occasional flyby of what Shinji sincerely hoped was Eagle Squadron.

Then the ground started shaking.

Rei solved the impending problem by the expedient of blasting in the window of a nearby shop and throwing Shinji bodily through it into some kind of clothing display, following close behind as a massive form skittered down the street.

"Stay low!" She hissed.

They waited as the bizarre sound of skittering was punctuated by the street being torn apart by the Angel's rapidly moving legs. As they watched, a massive pillar of deeper darkness crashed into the street outside, destroying a vehicle before being withdrawn. A brief moment of stillness, then a polyhedral body with a stylized eye appeared.

The two teens froze, mesmerized by the Angel. Time seemed to dilate, and they felt certain that it was regarding them with a detached interest. Then it was gone. Rei and Shinji were silent for long moments, both feeling the beating of their hearts slowly decelerating from combat speed.

Shinji decided that he would appreciate Unit-01 more after this. Facing an Angel within its comforting embrace was scary enough. Running into one without the buffering protection of his Eva was a nightmare come true. Though his body had been ready to react, his mind had been frozen. If the Angel had recognized what they were, it would have probably dispatched them without further ado.

"We need to move." Rei whispered as the stomping sounds faded.

The two pilots scrambled out of the store and ran. They swept their eyes from side to side, but there was suddenly something more terrifying than men wandering the streets of Tokyo-3. There was an Angel, and there were currently no Evas which would challenge it.

Their haste almost proved to be their deaths.

As they blew threw an intersection, a hail of fire erupted from a nearby building, forcing the two teens to leap for cover behind a shallow basin which housed several plants. Bullets tore into the concrete, and worse, Shinji felt something punch clean through his right thigh. He stared dumbly at the wound for several seconds, then the pain started.

Though no stranger to pain, Shinji still screamed at the violation. He tried to curl up around the wound, but the leg was no longer responding to his commands. It twitched rather than moving properly.

"Stay down!" Rei yelled.

The bark of her weapon cut through Shinji's pain, and he reached inside of himself. There was damage yes, and that was what was really keeping him down. Pain though, Shinji could handle pain. Embracing it, he forced himself up, swiping his rifle from the ground.

The second story of the building was lit up by muzzle flashes, and Shinji placed targets over those flashes in his mind. Though his breathing was ragged, Shinji timed his shots. There were still so many, and their fire was suddenly more accurate, as they caught on to his trick and began targeting where his own weapon was firing.

Then the floor where the shooters were perched exploded as a dark shape hammered its way through the sky, pursued by another.

The patter of approaching feet informed the two that someone was coming from behind. Both teens turned, bringing up their weapons.

"Thanks for the assist Eagle four. Good luck with those bandits." A voice Shinji recognized said, "Shinjii, Rei, is that you?"

Though Shinji recognized Inara, he still exchanged the passphrase which she had provided him when he was unofficially inducted into Phoenix team.

"It sure is hot today." He gasped, still trying to let the pain wash over him rather than through him.

"Hell kid," Inara replied, "It's hot every day around here."

Shinji lowered his weapon and Rei followed suit. The bluenette quickly removed a length of cloth and began to apply a tourniquet to the wound.

"Is that really necessary?" Shinji asked, getting a grip on the agony trying to remind him that this wasn't the boy of Unit-01 that had been injured, "I don't see any squirting blood."

"Even though there is no arterial spray, there are bone fragments in the wound," Rei replied evenly, "If the circulation of your femur has been compromised then you could bleed internally."

"Shit!" Another familiar voice swore, "You going to be able to pilot with that?

Shinji desperately tried to keep himself from gaping as Asuka Langley Soryu, whom he had last seen in a drug-induced coma, stood over him, a type VI assault rifle snugged against her hip. Though he inwardly cringed, Shinji forced himself to meet those dead eyes.

The only thing was, those eyes were no longer dead. There was hollowness in them, but they were more grim than empty.

"It will be several hours before the ischemia sets in." Rei informed Asuka, "Aside from the pain, there should be few problems."

Red and blue eyes met. The frostiness of Rei's gaze would have rivaled a blizzard. Asuka was the first to turn away.

"I'm not interested in your boy toy Wondergirl." Asuka said as she swept the area, "Well, only in the sense that I need him to work his Eva magic."

"Why aren't you piloting Unit-02?" Rei asked coldly.

"I can't." Asuka replied, her voice suddenly flat, "My giant red dummy won't listen, no matter how much I scream at it. So, instead of heading for NERV from the hospital, I convinced Inara here to try and find you two."

"I see." Rei replied.

A bulky member of Phoenix team pulled Shinji onto his back, and the group of agents and their charges moved through the darkness. The pulsing pain in Shinji's leg slowly grew into a steady numbness below the tourniquet, and Shinji wondered if he would end up losing the limb. He contemplated on whether or not that would affect his piloting.

"Hold up." Inara whispered, then gestured to the intersection that separated them from the entrance to NERV headquarters, "Sasaki, Jun, check it out."

The man and woman, armed with short submachine guns, moved low as they entered the area. For a moment, it seemed like they would get to the entrance without difficulty. Then all hell broke loose.

Surprisingly, it was the members of Phoenix team who fired first, though the woman was cut down before she could dive into cover. The rest of the agents burst into action, leaving Inara and the man carrying Shinji with them.

"Get those two inside and to the cages!" She yelled at the agent, "Dammit, where is Red?!"

Asuka, whom Shinji assumed was Red, had charged in with her protective detail. Shinji would have called her a fool, but he understood what she was doing. It was the same thing that Noble-3 had done earlier. She was buying him and Rei a chance to do what only they could do. One person could make all the difference when your squad only had a dozen people in it, just like one person could make all of the difference when combined with the power of an Eva.

Shinji found that he could respect that, if not the person who was doing it.

Inara swore and threw herself into the combat, opening up with her own weapon as Shinji's agent and Rei burst out of cover, headed straight for the entrance. A combination of the darkness and Phoenix team's efforts drawing enough attention from the runners to get them to safety. As they descended into the complex, Shinji thought he heard the scream of a jet overhead.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks!

I made it. Whether or not I have failed miserably and ruined my life, I know not, but at least I don't feel guilty about doing things other than studying now. School is in full swing, but I expect to continue pumping out chapters at about 4-8k/week.

PMs should be out tomorrow, I'm off to bed.

May you find success in all things,

-Seratar


	36. A Silent Tear for the Rain

Better Angels

Chapter 36

A Silent Tear for the Rain

Colonel Michael Dunham, USAF, was not having a good morning.

Was it the early wakeup call at 0130 hours for an unexplained blackout? Possibly.

Was it the mad rush to get his birds out of their hangars while under fire from some shadowy organization? Could be.

Or maybe it was the fact that, for the first time in his life, Michael Dunham was no longer in complete possession of air superiority.

Whoever was attacking Tokyo-3 alongside this Angel, had access to aircraft. They were old, and a clearly mix of American, Russian, and even some German models, but they outnumbered his two-dozen Nighthawks by at least two to one. That was before three of them had been blown away when their hangar was targeted by the enemy's air support.

"Six, get your ass low!" Colonel Dunham yelled, sending his craft screeching through the maze of buildings that made up Tokyo-3.

Tokyo-3 had been designed as a fortress city to specifically fight the Angels. There were clear lines of fire extending out of the city for concentrated fire, if it ever became necessary. Of course, without power, none of that concentrated firepower meant anything.

"I've got one on my tail!" Came six's reply.

"I said dive soldier!" Dunham roared.

As if his words had literally ripped the Nighthawk from the sky, a dark form flashed down in front of Dunham's own fighter as it leveled out a dozen meters from the pavement. Colonel Dunham didn't bother to look up, instead, he kept his eyes focused on his instruments.

Right about… now!

Colonel Dunham yanked back on the yoke of his fighter and depressed the firing switch of his SRM-22 sidewinder missiles. One of the four wing-mounted weapons leaped away, quickly outpacing his own relatively anemic speed as it unerringly sought out the blazing beacon of the venerable F-17 hornet's engine. The pilot in that cockpit was clueless to the attack, and he died when at least 25% of the mass of his craft was instantly vaporized under the explosive power of the air to air weapon. The rest of it flipped away in a spectacular arc, colliding with a nearby building.

"Scratch one!" He crowed, "How are the kids Lucky?"

Jane "Lucky" Copeland was sweeping the city for Shinji and Rei. She had already reported putting a gauss round through an APC that had been pursuing the two, but she had lost them in the generalized air melee which was taking place.

"Still dark sir!" She called back, "I've got thermal on, but they're moving through a hot zone, so I can't really tell the difference between them and the tangos."

"Keep at it," Dunham called back, "If those kids don't make it to their base, we might as well prep an N2 suicide run on that incoming Angel, because without them, nobody is getting out of this alive."

"Roger!" She called.

Michael prayed for the first time in over a decade that some higher power was watching over Shinji Ikari, because right now, it wasn't close air support.

"Any- re- eva-" Came a choppy voice over the radio.

"Nooks, can you clean this up?" Dunham called back to the ops center.

"Already on it sir!" Came the voice of their comm specialist, "Someone is calling for air support outside NERV headquarters. They have the target lit up."

"Six, you're on me, let's go lend a hand." Dunham called.

The two Nighthawks swooped in. Colonel Dunham and his wingman never actually saw the firefight that they intervened in, but the familiar shudder of their gauss cannons firing on a position being painted by a laser was indication enough, along with the fading explosions in their rear.

As they tore through the city, Dunham caught sight of something that chilled his bones.

The Angel was descending through the melted wreckage of one of the Eva recovery paths.

XXXXXX

"Can you still focus?" Ritsuko asked, prodding the wound in Shinji's leg.

"Only when you don't do that!" He growled.

The pain shooting through his body from her ministrations made Shinji certain that Ritsuko's medical degree had never been used for anything other than comparative anatomy with the Evas she was working on.

"I'm pretty sure I can save the leg," She noted, gesturing to the member of Phoenix team who had brought Shinji down, "Just keep the tourniquet on and try to ignore the pain."

"Thanks doctor." Shinji muttered, "Next time I'll let you get shot."

"That would be preferable." She stated.

"Unit-00 is launching!" Someone yelled.

Unit-00 pushed itself free of the restraining girdle, then made its way over to a rack of spare batteries that had been opened manually by the efforts of the engineering corps.

"I will search for the enemy." Rei said calmly, "I believe it may be descending into the geofront."

Shinji's handler set him into his plug and closed the lid manually. As LCL poured in, he worked on mastering the pain. He had never had a problem with maintaining a connection with Unit-01 when it was injured, but he was beginning to worry that his wound might have an adverse effect on his ability to establish an initial link.

Teams of engineers worked pulleys, lifting, repositioning, then driving the plug home into the back of Unit-01's spinal column. That completed, the internal systems of the Eva took over, and the white cylinder spun as it descended into its body.

Drawing LCL into his lungs, Shinji closed his eyes and reached out as the startup sequence began. The Eva hesitated as it sensed his physical damage, then rushed quickly to complete the contact. The connection carried a healthy dose of concern, and Shinji felt phantom hands probing the wound in his leg.

'_Cut that out!'_ He growled, _'I don't need someone else trying to find out how bad this is.'_

The Eva's spirit relented, though he could feel its dissatisfaction. It was intensely concerned with his injury and wanted to do something. Unfortunately, just as it could not shield him from its own pain, it was also unable to shield him from his own.

Shinji opened his eyes, pushing down the mild vertigo at his suddenly shifted perspective.

Ritsuko waved to him from the gantry as he pushed the restraints away from his body. He nodded at her and limped off after Rei, his injured leg fooling his mind into thinking the Eva's perfect limb was not working properly.

"Rei," He said, "Anything so far?"

"It is in the recovery system," Rei replied calmly, "Meet me out by the lake, I will draw it there."

"On my way!" Shinji replied, swiping up spare battery backs and attaching a set to his back. The timer on the plug jumped to fifteen minutes, though there was an orange tint to the light, indicating that he was on partial activity mode. The external batteries themselves were also bulky, and would probably need to be ejected when he actually got into a fight.

Stomping along through headquarters in his Eva was a surreal experience. He was used to being launched directly to the site of operations, rather than having to go about manually. The architect of the base had apparently planned for this though, because he eventually found himself ascending towards the geofront.

The artificial sun which kept the geofront's plants healthy was inactive, plunging the entirety of the scenery into darkness. Shinji focused on his eyes, sinking a little further into the bond to take advantage of his bondmate's supernatural vision. The world grew sharper as he let his nervous system synchronize more fully.

"Rei?" Shinji called out.

XXXXXX

Rei looked up at the slowly melting doors above her. The mark II pallet rifle in her hands was aimed up at the disturbance. Her plan now was simple, she would either drive the creature towards the geofront, or attract its attention enough that it pursued her out of the claustrophobic tunnels. Rei was not especially worried about the enclosing space, but she was aware of the fact that the Angel probably had a tactical advantage in this setting. Her mobility here was severely restricted.

"Contact." She whispered.

The titanium B plating of the shutter finally gave. More properly, it looked like it just decided to become a steaming mass of liquid as it dropped suddenly down the shaft through which the Angel was descending.

Rei ducked back into her alcove as the hissing mass dropped towards the next barrier to the Angel's advance. Waiting calmly, she kept the shaft in her sights.

And waited.

A sound behind her warned of the trickery.

Whirling about, Rei opened up with her weapon, extended her previously suppressed AT field in an explosion of force that bent the metal around her as it drove outwards.

Too late. A jet of sludgy, adhesive acid splashed against her body and weapon. Without warning, the roar of the pallet rifle cut off, some part of its internal workings damaged to the point where a failsafe kicked in to prevent the weapon from turning into a fragmentation bomb in her hands.

Discarding the weapon, Rei screamed aloud at the pain radiating from across her entire body as she tore her prog knife free of its sheath. The weapon, much to her relief, hummed to life instantly as she attempted to close the gap with the Angel.

In a move as swift as it was gravity defying, the Angel rose up the adjacent shaft. Driven by pain and what Rei would only realize later was frustration, she pushed forward, throwing herself into the shaft. Hitting the opposite wall, she pressed hard, then hurled herself backwards and up. She repeated the maneuver several times before reaching the next cross-passage above her.

"It ambushed me." She said, "I have sustained minimal damage and am in pursuit."

"Wait!" Shinji called back, "I'll come to assist you."

"Negative," She replied, "I-"

Rei cut off as she dove to the side, avoiding another splash of the deadly acid, only to find her footing suddenly grow unsteady. The Angel spread more of the vile liquid throughout this passage, if the pain shooting through the soles of her feet was any indication.

She had a moment to wonder about why it had done that before the floor gave out beneath her, sending her plunging downwards.

XXXXXX

"Negative, I-" Rei said, then her voice cut off.

"Rei?" Shinji asked, "Rei!

No response.

Shinji slapped a new set of batteries onto his back and took off at full speed. Whatever had happened to Rei, she wasn't responding any more. Screw tactics, screw planning. His sister was in trouble, and he was going to help her.

Rather than do something as simple as open one of the hatches in the geofront that led to the labyrinth of tunnels surrounding it, Shinji took the expedient route of blasting straight through it with a spike of his AT field and his own tremendous momentum. Metal shrieked around him, and he would have testified in court to the fact that he heard Misato cursing him out for the paperwork that this particular stunt would cause her.

He didn't care.

Remembering the song of Ramiel, Shinji pushed his AT field outwards, turning it from a barrier into an expansion of his senses. As he moved, it brushed against something alien and familiar. That would be the Angel.

"I've got you!" He growled, latching onto that point as dropped to his side as the passage suddenly narrowed. He skidded along with help from Newton's first law, objects in motion and all of that.

Reaching the first vertical shaft, Shinji let himself slide straight into the freefall, his momentum carrying him to the other side, where he used the wall to control his descent somewhat. He was not actually worried about being injured from falling, he was only concerned that he would miss the branching tunnel he needed.

After several stomach-dropping seconds, he swung into one of the branching tunnels, having reached a point that he felt was roughly at the level of where the Angel was. He threw himself forward, crouching low to avoid the ceiling as he thundered along.

The pallet rifle in his hands barked when he caught sight of the polyhedral shape of the Angel. It reacted by hardening its AT field and dropping out of sight.

"Not likely!" Shinji yelled, diving into the opening, his weapon spraying rounds down the shaft.

The Angel was gone.

Confused, Shinji landed in the opposite tunnel. Belatedly, realized that the Angel had somehow broken free of the tether which he had latched onto and used to follow it. Reaching out again, he tried to sense the Angel, only to get a diffuse alien feeling. It appeared that this Angel had some way of disrupting his ability to sense its presence.

"Rei!" Shinji yelled, "Can you hear me?"

Silence.

Shinji realized that the thumping that he was hearing was more than just his own heart. Spinning, he tried to localize the source of that noise, certain that it was the Angel.

**Lilim…**

Shinji shook his head. There was something…

_**Betrayer!**_

Shinji felt something try to mentally bludgeon him. He reeled form the blow, his Eva staggering under the assault as its pilot found its mind suddenly violated. The world was reeling around him, and visions of a giant made of light arced through his mind. It was the thing he was searching for, the thing that he… loved.

Digging deep, he brought his connected to Unit-01 to the fullest strength he could imagine. The psychic blow, which had briefly staggered him, was suddenly no more than a splitting headache. Opening his eyes, he realized that the burning sensation in his body wasn't just some sort of feedback from the mental attack, it was a viscous acid which was seeping through the joints of his armor.

Roaring, Shinji hurled the slagged remnants of his pallet rifle at the Angel, which had been steadily advancing down the tunnel towards him. The Angel, its AT field focused on preventing Shinji from tracking it, was hit by the object. It was probably no more than a minor inconvenience, but it was enough to stagger it.

Prog knife humming, Shinji charged. The Angel skittered back into the vertical tube and dropped. If it had been hoping that Shinji would pull up short, it was going to be terribly disappointed. With a roar, Shinji hurled himself after the creature and into the darkness below.

Whatever acid the creature had deposited in the tube thus far must have been working the whole time, because their descent passed several ruined locks which were usually used to prevent access by the Angels. The spider-like being had given up climbing and resorted to a free-fall much like his own in an attempt to stay ahead of him.

Seconds passed, then a tremendous splash sounded, followed by skittering as the Angel hurried away from Shinji. Unit-01 crashed into the fluid moments later, and Shinji was up and after it, pursuing down a large, unlit corridor, his feet throwing up tidal waves with each powerful contraction of his muscles.

"Get back here!" He screamed, pushing his body forward.

The Angel refused to oblige, and its eight legs made for a remarkable amount of speed. Shinji found himself falling behind, partially because of its greater mobility, but also because he was pretty sure the Angel's acid was beginning to eat into the muscles of his legs. The pain was agonizing, but ignorable at the moment. The spirit of his Eva had sunk into a deep rage, and its fury was carrying Shinji as much as his own.

Ahead, Shinji saw that there were a pair of double-doors which were impeding the Angel's progress. Grinning, he saw that the acid it had spit on the portal was working slowly enough that he would be able to catch up to his prey.

When he was within several steps, the Angel jumped.

Lashing out, he managed to catch one of its legs as it arced over him, only to receive another splash of vile acid in return, this time focused on his face. This was too much, and Shinji roared in agony as he scrabbled at the stuff ineffectually.

'_Drop!'_ Came Rei's voice.

'**Don't you dare touch him!' **Came another, similar voice.

Shinji obeyed on instinct, and the liquid beneath his feet actually helped, he quickly started flushing his tormented body with the stuff.

The burst of a hardening AT field grabbed his attention, and Shinji looked up to see Unit-00, it's hideously burned body almost fully exposed, wrestling with the Angel's AT field. As the struggle continued, Shinji saw pieces of half-melted armor flying off of Rei's Eva, where they impacted with the walls, leaving large dents in the reinforced material.

Shinji immediately reached out with his own AT field. It fluctuated wildly as his focus was diverted by the pain coursing through him, but he managed to stabilize it long enough the get a feel for the Angel's own defense. With a twist of his mind, he inverted his field.

Freed from the wall of light that held it back, Unit-00 bellowed in fury and rushed forward, falling on the Angel. Shinji thought the fight was over, only to stare in shock as the Angel once again hurled itself into the air, Eva and all, smashing them both into the ceiling.

The earth rumbled in protest at that titanic strike, and Shinji felt a flow of phantom pain, far removed from what he felt from his own Eva, shoot through his back.

XXXXXX

Rei felt and heard a loud crack. In that instant, her legs, which had been wrapped around the Angel as she was started pummeling its body with her hands, went suddenly nerveless. It was apparent that even Evangelions had a spinal column which was susceptible to damage.

Shifting her grip, she used her left hand to cling to the base of one of the Angel's legs, then continued hammering it with her right fist. The pain from the attack was mostly an afterthought. There was not a moment at this time where she did not feel as if he entire body were melting. The Angel had prepared a crude acid pool into which she had fallen, and she had only been able to survive by throwing herself into the depths of terminal dogma. LCL was a remarkably good buffer base.

Glancing at her clock, Rei saw that she had only thirty seconds of full operating power left. Her external battery packs had dissolved in the acid almost instantly and the rest of her was being held together by a combination of her projected AT field and the unnaturally resilient flesh of Unit-00 itself. It was to be expected of a creature grown from Adam itself.

Concentrating, she sent another burst of information to Shinji through their bond.

'_I will soon shut down, you must hurry!'_ She cried.

Relenting on her assault, she instead braced her hand against the ceiling of the hallway and pushed as hard as she could. Whatever force allowed the Angel to adhere to solid steel was apparently not enough to resist the upper body strength of an Eva. With a shriek of tortured metal, Eva and Angel fell to the ground.

Unit-01 had apparently been waiting for this, because as soon as the hit they ground, a flurry of cuts and stabs smashed into the relatively small central body of the Angel. Blue blood erupted from the wounds, coating both Evas in the thick, viscous stuff.

With a spasm, the Angel finally threw Rei off. When she hit the wall, her pain and rage addled mind fought for moments longer, then gave up.

'_Shinji...'_ she sent, then faded to blackness.

XXXXXX

Unit-01 had also been thrown away by the titanic thrashing of the wounded Angel. Shinji had been unable to hit its core, and it took advantage of its brief freedom to scuttle through the opening its acid had carved in those doors.

Shinji howled in fury and scrabbled after it. Strangely enough, when he got into the room, the Angel was just standing there quietly. It wasn't moving, it wasn't even preparing for an attack. It was just… motionless.

Heedless of his good fortune, Shinji hurled himself atop the creature and drove his weapon down several times. Five strikes and he found the core. The sixth was decisive.

The ending was rather anticlimactic. Shinji was used to Angels exploding or sending out some kind of psychic scream when they perished. This one just slumped down, as if it had suddenly grown very tired and wanted to take a nap.

Breathing heavily, Shinji glanced at his timer. He had one full minute of time left. He quickly dropped his AT field, causing that number to spike to a dozen seconds shy of three. Sighing, he leveraged himself off of the creature. Sergey had taught Shinji to always evaluate his surroundings for additional enemies, even if you believed that you had finished the last one, so he did a quick sweep of the room.

What he saw made his blood run cold.

Before him was suspended the seven-eyed body of some kind of white Angel. Large spikes were driven through its hands, holding it fast to the cross upon which it was crucified. At some point the creature had been torn in half, as there were no legs to be seen. Instead, there was an eye-twisting collection of lumpy flesh, which extruded dozens, if not hundreds of small limbs that stuck out at deranged angles.

The creature was regenerating, but it was doing so… poorly.

On closer examination, Shinji saw that its wounded body was spilling an orange fluid, the same stuff in which he had been fighting the Angel. Curiously, he reached out, letting that fluid collect in his hand. Bringing it close to his face, he drew in a breath through the Unit-01's nostril slits.

It smelled of blood.

"Spirits have mercy…" Shinji whispered, his own human nose suddenly filled with the scent of blood.

He and Rei were sitting in-

Rei!

The mystery of the stuff was shoved to the back of his mind, and he struggled through the hole in the doors. Unit-00 was crumpled against the wall on its back. Shinji, apologizing to Little Rei, flipped the body over and drove his fingers into the exposed spine of the Eva where it was bisected by the insertion plug.

With a roar, he tore the object free, then gently set it down before ejecting himself with his last ten seconds of power.

"Rei!" He yelled, descending from his kneeling Eva at a breakneck speed.

He almost killed himself when he forgot that his left leg was literally nothing more than a sack of meat and bones, entirely useless for mobility of any kind. As it stood, he was lucky that the LCL was deep enough to cushion his fall from Unit-01's crouched form. He still almost drowned, the LCL down here had not yet been oxygenated for use as an air replacement, and Shinji was still a less than average swimmer.

Somehow, he managed to half-drag, half-swim his way to the entrance of the plug. With herculean effort, he got the emergency hatch open, only to be pushed back by a tide of LCL which blasted out with the opening of the door.

Struggling furiously, he hauled himself into the plug and finally managed to get to Rei.

"It's okay Rei," He said, cradling her head awkwardly, "I'm here."

She did not respond, but he did feel a brief warmth surge through their bond. He sighed in relief, they were going to be fine.

In truth, things were about to get a lot more complicated. But for now, the two could rest, knowing that they had once again averted the end of the world. Just barely.

* * *

Howdy folks,

PMs should be out on Tuesday, I have a full day of fun tomorrow!

-Seratar


	37. Aftermath

Better Angels

Chapter 37

Aftermath

"…Furthermore, this council will be requiring a report on the exact damage sustained to Terminal Dogma," Spoke one of the faceless voices, "We must say that we are not impressed by the poor response to this latest incursion."

Gendo flexed his fingers to keep himself from yelling in response. The old men gathered around him were well aware of what had caused the blackout. They were maintaining the fiction that it was the result of carelessness on the part of an electrical maintenance worker at one of the key substations that supplied power to Tokyo-3. Of course, they were deliberately ignoring the fact that all of NERV's backup generators had mysteriously failed. That would imply that the organization as a whole had a problem somewhere.

That would not reflect well on SEELE. The old men needed a scapegoat, and Gendo Ikari was their favorite whipping boy when such problems came up. They needed the elder Ikari, but they also knew that he needed him. He would entertain their polite fiction, promise to work harder, then get back to his own plans.

The problem now was figuring out exactly how many of those plans had been swiped from underneath his nose during the blackout. There were SEELE agents all over the base. Gendo had identified and compromised more than a few of them, but there would always be more that he could not find.

He felt certain that the council had not discovered his endgame goal, that, or they were being thwarted by the MAGI encryption which he had laid on it. If they knew the true extent of his plans, they would not have bothered with anything so formal as a council. They would have sent an assassin.

He came to when more than a moment of silence indicated that he was expected to perform the next part in the little play that they were all acting out.

"Of course," He said, "I will see to it that security is increased and install additional redundant systems to make sure that this does not happen again."

"See that you do."

It was a joke. There were already six redundant substations. The fact that all of them had gone down was a clear indication of sabotage.

"We are also interested in this group," Another voice said, "This, 'heavenly host,' which was responsible for the attack."

Gendo felt pressure building behind his eyes, "The Heavenly Host was incidental to this. They saw an opportunity and took it."

"This council is of the opinion that they did more than just take advantage of an opportunity. There were too many things in place, how can you be sure that they were not responsible for the blackout?"

'_Because there was no actual damage to any of the substations you idiot'_ He thought darkly, _'Almost like someone wanted to make sure that everything could come back on smoothly after information could be withdrawn'_

"The pattern of the blackout was not concurrent with their tactics." He said instead.

"Nonetheless, they are a major player now." Keele Lorenz, the only true hologram, said, "You will need to step up your efforts to counter them."

"Yes," Gendo muttered, "That I will."

Gendo Ikari could be accused of many things, but nobody would ever say that he was not thorough.

XXXXXX

**Friday, 0900 hours, 5 days since Matarael**

In another world, Shinji's injury would have necessitated several surgeries, months of recovery, and a serious possibility of amputation of his mangled limb. Instead, a combination of two separate surgeries, two titanium B bars, eight screws, several therapeutic drugs which he was fairly certain were experimental, and his own massively enhanced regenerative had seen him starting physical therapy today.

He decidedly did not like it, though the physical therapist was nice.

"Just two more steps." Tamako encouraged.

Shinji, who was learning to walk on muscles that had literally been regrown less than two days ago, grimaced, but pushed forward. Shinji was used to pain, but it was the sharp kind that could be shut down by the brain. This pain was always with him. He could ignore it for a time, but it would eventually catch up to him, wrapping its insidious fingers around his psyche in a stranglehold that put him past the edge of tears more than once.

After two days in a drug-soaked haze, he had declined further painkillers. Ritsuko had been happy, and more than a little impressed at that, but had left standing orders for a fentanyl drip to be in his rooms at all times if he needed it. Shinji had so far kept himself from using the stuff. He hated the pain that was with him right now, but he hated the feeling of losing control of his body even more.

Finishing the last two steps, Shinji took two gasping breaths, then suddenly felt himself wrapped up in a pair of soft arms.

"You're doing great." Tamako whispered in his ear.

She topped off their latest session with a drawn-out kiss.

"I am almost certain that that is unethical," Shinji noted, his shortness of breath no longer completely associated with his pain and exertion.

Tamako winked at him, "For once, it appears that the ever-present apathy of your superiors is working in your favor."

Shinji frowned. His 'superiors,' meaning his father and Commander Fuyutski, had departed several days ago while he was still out of touch with reality on some secret mission to the South Pole. What exactly that mission was, Shinji was unsure, but he felt certain that it was another part of the puzzle he was currently trying to put together. The fact that he felt as if he was blindfolded while putting the puzzle together was a constant source of frustration to him.

He only knew about the mission because Rei had left him a meticulously kept notebook of the happenings. The girl had sustained no actual damage to her body, but her psychosomatic feedback symptoms were severe enough that she was staying at the hospital as well. Though she wasn't kissing the nurse, so Shinji guessed she had even less to do than he did.

Speaking of the nurse…

Tamako supported Shinji's injured side as they headed back towards his room. Shinji couldn't help but realize that she had strategically placed his arm so that she could assist him, while pressing the side of his upper arm into her chest.

"You know," He said, trying to shift his arm, only to find it thoroughly trapped, "You could position yourself a little better."

Tamako's grin was mischievous, "I've never had a patient complain that I was _too_ close to them, let alone my boyfriend."

"I'm not really your-" Shinji began grinding out.

"Enough of that," Tamako said sternly, "I notice you haven't been hesitant for the kissing."

It was true. Shinji, after the first couple times Tamako had ambushed him, had found that he enjoyed kissing. Furthermore, though Shinji didn't have any other metric to compare her to, he was pretty certain that, as kissers went, Tamako was very good. She certainly knew how to do things with her lips and hands that were…

Shinji brought himself back to reality when he heard the nurse giggle.

"You get that look on your face when you think about our special… motivational therapy." Tamako giggled again, "You're so easy to read."

Shinji blushed, "I-I am not!"

Tamako let out a full laugh, then helped him get back in bed.

"I will see you later, my heart." She said quietly, kissing him on the forehead, "Your nurse should be in later. If it hurts too much, get the drugs."

Shinji shook his head, "I can handle pain, I can't handle losing my control over my mind and body."

Tamako sighed, then ran a hand through his hair affectionately before departing. Shinji kind of wished she had given him something more substantial than a kiss on the forehead. Though Tamako still ran his physical therapy, much to the amusement of Ritsuko, she had been expressly forbidden to act as his nurse.

Speaking of the devil.

Ritsuko entered the room. Her analytical gaze was very different from the intimate one with which Tamako often regarded him.

"How is your leg?" She asked without preamble, "And your lips?"

Shinji blushed again, "Both are fine, thank you!"

Ritsuko smirked, "If I had known how much fun it would be to tease you about having a girlfriend, I would have pushed someone into your arms much sooner."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Shinji muttered.

"Oh?" Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, "Your squeeze then?"

Shinji blushed harder, "It's not like that!"

"Well, whatever it is, it's very cute," Ritsuko said, "Though I wouldn't expect to maintain your level of ah… oral-phalangeal exercise if you keep saying things like that. I might be cold Shinji, but I've never kissed and denied it. You're on a whole other level."

Shinji glared at her, then decided to switch tactics, "I want to know about the Angel underneath NERV."

Ritsuko sighed, "You know that that is classified. You really weren't supposed to see it."

"Well, I did," Shinji shot back, "So now, I would like you to explain to me why we have an Angel crucified underneath the base, why the Angels seem to be going after it, and why I have to sit in its blood when I pilot Unit-01."

Ritsuko watched him with a mildly interested expression, "What makes you think that Angels are after it?"

"That spider put a lot of effort into getting to that thing," Shinji said, "The only problem is, once it got there, it was just kind of… staring. It wasn't attacking, it wasn't defending. I would be less confused if I had walked in and seen it _eating_ the thing. Instead, it was just kind of… stunned."

"Maybe it was horrified by our inhumane treatment of its kin." Ritsuko offered, "Crucifixion was used by ancient peoples as a warning, effective at both slow execution and discouragement of crime."

"The Angels…" Shinji paused, then continued, "I don't think they think like that."

"I see you have become an expert on Angel psychology since we last talked," Ritsuko noted dryly, "If you have the answers Shinji, maybe you should be the one telling me things."

"I don't have the answers!" Shinji growled, "All I have are questions, and you are being evasive!"

Ritsuko contemplated his response, then shrugged, tapping her ear before speaking, "The creature below NERV is known as Lilith. She is the second Angel. Her presence there is a beacon that draws the Angels to NERV, rather than having them rampaging throughout the world. Don't you think that it is odd that we have literal fortress built around us, and the Angels are specifically targeting it?"

Shinji thought about that, then nodded, "Okay, then what do they want with this… Lilith?"

Ritsuko tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "They are trying to bring about the third impact. An event that will wipe out not just all of humanity, but all living creatures on the planet. It will make way for the birth of an ecosystem uniquely suited to the Angels, or whatever form they will take once they win their war. That is what we are fighting for."

"You're being awfully open about this." Shinji noted.

Ritsuko shrugged, "The information is already before you, I figured I would save you the time of working through it yourself. Besides, I _am_ trying to get you to trust me. I've heard that sharing information can have that effect."

"Okay, what about the LCL?" Shinji asked.

"Aside from its uses as a shock absorber," She said, "LCL is also a potent neural conductor. The exact physics behind its function is rather complex, but suffice it to say that, in conjunction with you're A-10 headset, it is what allows you to interface with your Eva."

"Still," Shinji shuddered, "I've been breathing in blood this whole time."

Ritsuko made a note on the chart she was holding, "It is at the same time much more, and much less than blood. It doesn't appear to have any sort of immune properties like our blood does, although it does contain a heme-like molecule, that's where the taste comes from. Based on its unique conduction properties, we believe it also has a use as a backup nervous system, although we have not had any live subjects on which to test this…"

"That's not going to happen." Shinji deadpanned, "The last time we tried that, we nearly got eaten by a lava worm. I would like to avoid being that close to an N2 explosion ever again."

Ritsuko smiled wryly, then dropped his chart back in the plastic holder at the foot of his bed, "I can understand the sentiment. It looks like you are progressing well, frightfully well in fact. I'm going to run some more tests, I would really like to figure out what it is that is accelerating your healing so much…"

Shinji watched as Ritsuko started tapping away at her tablet. He remained silent as the genius worked through some problem. In a minute or so, she blinked, as if remembering that he was still in a room with him.

She shook her head, then continued, "Right now, I need to talk to you about living accommodations."

Shinji briefly remembered the gaping hole that had once been his room. Luckily, he did not possess anything to which he was particularly attached.

"Okay." He said, "Shoot."

"For now, You, Rei, Misato, and Asuka will be staying at the barracks in the geofront." She said.

"Hold on- " Shinji started.

Ritsuko held up a hand, "It is just temporary. NERV is hunting down various cells of the Heavenly Host as we speak. There have been a lot of arrests and firefights all around Japan in the past five days. Several government officials have also gone… missing. Misato is in charge of the sweeps and is coordinating with several other governments to ensure that Tokyo-3 becomes impregnable to both Angel and human attack."

"What exactly does that mean?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko folded up her glasses and stuck them in her lab coat pocket, "For now, Colonel Dunham and Eagle Squadron are about to receive a substantial reinforcement. He and his men are running combat air patrols twenty-four hours a day. I think the USAF was extremely upset that they got caught with their pants down. I have also heard rumors that the UN is sending over two mixed battalions of infantry, along with one battalion of armor. This latest breach is being taken very seriously, and there is a lot of international interest right now in keeping the event from recurring."

"Won't they just be in the way when an Angel attacks?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko shrugged, "The infantry can take to the shelters or provide indirect fire if necessary. The armor will be stationed outside of the city in a bunker and held in reserve only if necessary. Conventional weapons have proven ineffective against Angels alone, but in conjunction with an Eva to neutralize their AT field, we are seeing promising results. I'm sure you have not been especially put out that the USAF and Misato's defensive divisions have been conducting harrying attacks against your foes."

"Well, it hasn't hurt…" Shinji muttered, "Although I'm not exactly excited about the increased death toll."

"They are soldiers." Ritsuko said nonchalantly, "That's what they are paid and trained to do."

Shinji shook his head, "Please don't ever talk to the soldiers. You are a terrible motivational speaker."

"I have more important things to do than entertain buffoons." Ristuko said, "And with that, I need to go. Repairs on your Evas won't happen by themselves."

Ritsuko tapped her ear and left the room, leaving Shinji to stew in those thoughts. He was not entirely upset that they were getting more conventional military support. The Angels were becoming increasingly dangerous, and he was certain that every little bit would help.

His real worry was that there was rarely a time in which all three Evas could engage the Angels. There was always something holding at least one of them back. Maybe the increased security would help, but then there was Asuka…

Thinking of the redhead left him with relatively few shivers. The woman whom he had run into on the road that night had been abrasive, but not nearly the psychotic mess that he had known since their first meeting. Whatever Caine had done to her was completely gone. Despite this, Shinji had a feeling that there were more than a few scars on the girl's psyche.

He idly wondered what the redhead was up to.

XXXXXX

"You just had to go and die, didn't you?" Asuka asked, standing before nine markers that had been freshly placed in the field outside the city limits of Tokyo-3, "Hell, I shouldn't be surprised. Everyone who gives a damn about me leaves eventually."

There were no flowers in the girl's hands. Asuka was not that kind of sentimental, but that did not mean she could not miss the leader and majority of her protective detail. Phoenix team had been with Asuka since she was a child. The duty had not been a pleasant one, even Asuka could admit that, but they had done their jobs… adequately.

Phoenix team were bodyguards, not soldiers. Though many of them had the training, they had not been properly equipped to handle the events of the latest Angel incursion. With only sidearms to work with, their losses had been a staggering 75%. They had only been able to hold their position through sheer luck, as they had managed to call in an airstrike from Eagle squadron. Inara has been shot a dozen times while maintaining a laser lock on the tank which had been advancing on their position. Ironically, it was a piece of shrapnel from the exploding tank that had punched straight through her skull that had finished her.

Not that she would have survived otherwise. Asuka had seen gunshot wounds before, and the fact that the woman had still been able to prop herself up had been nothing short of a miracle.

For the first time in her life, Asuka was adrift.

She had always had a purpose, to pilot Eva. Now… She had been in every day for synchronization tests, and none of them were rising about 12%. She had tried meditation, focus, and even screaming. None of it seemed to push her past that magical first marker, Gehenna's Gate.

"At least you all can rest easy now." She said quietly, touching the marker for a moment, then turning away, "It's us poor bastards who have to keep living that have the worst of it."

Asuka's new protective detail was not nearly as sociable as her own people had been. The remaining members of Phoenix team had been granted extended leave. As a fighting force, they were effectively broken. Just like the pilot they had been assigned to protect.

"Miss." One of her guards said, opening the door to the black sedan.

She snorted at the courtesy, but found that she lacked any emotional capacity to make a snarky comment. Most of that had died with Phoenix team and whatever wonderboy had torn out of her skull.

Thinking about Shinji made her head hurt. Asuka remembered doing a lot of things to her fellow pilot. Unfortunately, a lot of those events felt more like dreams than actual reality. Of course, a lot of her memories felt like dreams at the moment. She had gained access to some of the reports which Phoenix team had made about her, and was able to confirm that most of her vague memories were in fact real events.

She remembered doing them. She remembered having a very good reason for doing them. The problem was, she was having a hard time remembering those reasons. The kid was a wimp, well, that was not necessarily true. After he had overcome that servile attitude of his, some of her memories got a little clearer. Then they went back to being hazy.

"You're just a fucked-up mess." She muttered, checking her watch, "It's time for my medication."

She removed several bottles from her purse and downed one of each. They did help. It had been over a week since she had tried to kill herself.

"Where to Miss Soryu?" Asked her driver.

"Let's go shoot something." She said, "I think my aim is just about the only thing that could be considered intact at this point."

"On our way." The man said, then began the drive towards NERV headquarters.

As they drove, Asuka could not help but feel her eyes being drawn towards one of the shorter buildings in Tokyo-3. She did not understand it at all, but whenever she closed her eyes, she could unerringly point towards that building. The hospital where Shinji and Rei were staying. Before, when she had been in that same building, she had been able to do the something similar, but it was always in a random direction.

The feeling she got when she thought about that connection was warm. If she focused hard enough, she could glimpse a brief image of a woman holding a child. A child with red hair. When Asuka had first seen that image, she had had no tears left to cry. It still stirred something inside of her though. Something that she hungered for in a way that she had never hungered before.

Carefully repackaging that memory, wrapping it up and fusing it firmly in her mind, she set it aside. Shinji Ikari had done, and was continuing to do strange things to her head. She wanted to confront him about it, but the truth was, she was afraid. Fear was not an emotion that Asuka was used to dealing with.

She did not remember much of what had been done to her after her old lover had tried to kill her, then had been killed in turn right before her eyes. Her heart tightened at the mere thought of that, and she quickly drove her thoughts back towards the third child and his freaky mind powers.

There were points in her life that she remembered with stunning clarity. What's more, she remembered each of those moments being accompanied by a voice. A voice that she had grown used to, then gradually accepted. It had supplied answers to her questions and made her wishes come true. Now, whenever she thought of those crystal-clear memories, she not only heard the voice of that strange being, she also heard the voice of Shinji Ikari.

"The most fucked up thing," She muttered, "Is that he is _encouraging_ me. What kind of Stockholm syndrome does that kid have that he wants to comfort people who torment him?"

"Miss Soryu?" Her driver asked.

She shook her head, "Just thinking out loud. Any chance we could do a sync test instead?"

"No ma'am," The bodyguard said, "Doctor says that you get one hour a day. You've used that up already."

Asuka sighed. She knew that she could do it. She just had to find her balance again. It was impossible to do so with voices chasing their way around her head though.

She gazed out the window at the hospital, _'I'm going to make you explain what exactly happened me third child. Then I'm either going to castrate you, or… I don't know.'_

For some reason, she remembered one particular piece of advice that the disembodied voice of the third child had whispered into her mind. Idly, she picked up her NERV issued cellphone and called home to Germany. NERV was picking up the bill, so she couldn't care less about the costs. It was the middle of the day, so nobody was home. That was fine, Asuka was hoping that her father and his whore would both hear the message anyway.

"Hey dad," She spoke in German, "I just wanted you to know that you're a piece of shit for cheating on mom when she was sick. You're a real bastard and I hate you. Have fun with your mistress, try not to think about mom while you're making her scream."

She hung up and sighed, this time with contentment. Maybe that little voice in her head had a point. It was quite nice to hate someone on her own terms. There was a little bit of fire burning in her belly right now. It had a nice warming feeling to it.

* * *

A/N: Howdy folks,

PMs should be coming out tomorrow, I'm off to bed.


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